Wallace 1 Anna Wallace Malcolm Campbell English 1102 March 24, 2014 All words in blue are suggestions

I have offered, and things in red are grammatically or phonically incorrect and easily fixed Yoga: Has the Ancient Lineage Disappeared? I like how What comes to mind when you think of yoga? If you imagine a bunch of woman women you started twisted into complex poses wearing expensive yoga gear, then you are probably right, but, 5,000 with a question! years ago, this was certainly not the case. Maybe explain here right away what was the East Its engaging. Indian tradition 5000 years ago? As a reader, Im curious. In the 1990s yoga became a very trendy form of exercise here in North America; many people caught on to the trend and it has continuously expanded ever since. and it has causes a run-on sentence, maybe use which has or another revision. According to a study conducted by Yoga Journal in 2008, approximately 16 million people and counting were enrolled in yoga classes from all around the country, but the question is determining if these classes are really practicing yoga? Here, you are stating what the question is, but you arent asking it. All you need is a period It is becoming such a widespread activity that the traditional practice of yoga is quickly fading away. People are getting so wrapped up in the trends and letting them define what yoga is instead is instead of letting yoga define the people. Maybe rephrase this sentence for better clarity. The true purpose of yoga is to deepen ones awareness, spirituality, and happiness, not to just to (a good alternative for not to just to could be rather than just and the comma after happiness wont be needed) become relaxed and physically fit. As the popularity continues to grow, this 5,000-year-old practice, has

2 transformed from a profound East Indian discipline to a highly commercialized form of exercise. (Great way to end your introduction by revisiting the beginning!) According to The New York Times, Yoga was able to enter into the American mainstream by offering itself as a powerful tool that provided many benefits, such as reduced stress, increased relaxation, and greater flexibility. I do agree with this statement, but it is a shame that yoga cannot be appreciated in its original form, which includes more than just physical aspects. The article then resumed to say (since articles cant really speak, although they do provide words, maybe try using states or claims instead of say ), Yoga has continued to grow through out (throughout) American gyms as something that cultivates aerobic capacity and builds strength. This type of advertisement is great, but it depicts yoga as just a form of physical exercise, which it is, but they fail to include the essential aspect of selfawareness that separates yoga from any other workout. This is what creates the common misunderstanding that yoga is just a form of exercise and nothing more. Traditionally at the end of every yoga class, savasana, a time for stillness, is practiced for 20-30 minutes as a time for one to rejuvenate and still the body and mind. Today, that time has been shortened to just a few short minutes and there is less dharana, concentration, and dyana, meditation. (I like that you included these words! Just make sure to source where you got these facts). All three aspects are important teachings, yet, they are rarely emphasized. The only thing that most people are concerned about nowadays is burning calories and loosing weight,. (Add a period here and use a transition word such as Therefore for the following sentence to make sure these two sentences dont turn in to one run-on) many studios would lose a lot of business if they fully incorporated traditional styles of yoga because its not what the customers want. The motive of the majority of yoga teachers today is to be the most well known with the best practice while often times

Wallace 3 creating their own style of yoga that will entice more customers. They cant be the best if they dont give customers what they are looking for. I really like how you begin to mention yoga teachers here at the end as this paragraph to transition into the next paragraph. Thats a great literary choice! Just make sure this paragraph and the next have two separate main points and you arent revisiting the main point of the previous paragraph into the following paragraph Years ago, not just anybody could become a yoga teacher. They were required to be taught by a Swami, a yoga master, or go directly to the source in India, but this is no longer the case. Nowadays, those wanting to become yoga instructors are being taught in yoga schools, and in some states, a certification isnt even required. Clearly, though, it's not the sheer volume of new clients that's responsible for the injuries, says Shirin, It's a combination of factors, such as the large number of poorly trained yoga instructors practicing in the United States and the emphasis on large classrooms of students packed into tight quarters for these hybrid forms of yoga. Most of these adulterated forms of yoga are hazardous and completely negate many of the benefits of the practice. (This is an awesome quote! But maybe mention Shirin at the beginning of the quote before you indent it. Also make sure to tell us who Shirin is) For example, in Virginia, Governor Robert McDonnell is enforcing a law that exempts the states yoga teachers from having to be licensed. The supporters of this exemption advocate themselves by saying, yoga does not present any type of risk, and therefore there isnt a need for certified teachers. These people are incorrect in saying this because although it isnt extremely common to experience a yoga injury, it isnt a rare experience either. Dr. Jefferey Halbrecht, a former medical director of the Women's Pro Ski Tour says, Yoga injuries that I have treated are on par

4 with those suffered by practitioners of extreme sports (Club Industry). Yoga just like any other activity can result in injuries. Jeni Livingston, an employee of Body Space Fitness agrees by stating, All parts of the body, from head to toe, are at risk while doing yoga. The most common injuries include damage to the lower back, neck, and wrists but can be prevented if the right precautions are taken. For example rounding the spine in poses like downward dog can cause the spine to flex the opposite way and cause the discs the feel achy (Newcomer). Awesome paragraph! I like how you continued to source all your information, and your varieties of quotes and paraphrases are used effectively. Just make sure to finish up your paragraphs by stating your main point again! It allows the reader to remember the main points and stayed focused to the paper. Injuries have also become more common in todays age because of the fashion in which we do things. Many people begin taking yoga classes and rush into advanced poses that their bodies cant handle yet; it cant be stressed enough how important it is practice at your own pace. (maybe reverse this sentence for better clarity.. for example The importance of practicing at ones own pace cannot be stressed enough) There are often times props provided/given/etc. and modified poses that are offered, but many people refuse to use them because they cant except the fact that they need help (Newcomer). Savasana, the final resting pose of a yoga flow, is becoming a common synonym for class is over. People often times get up and leave before this important cool down which allows for the bodys nervous system to slow down and bring a sense of closure to the practice, therefore reducing injury later on. Seniors, young adults, teens, children, and even cats and dogs, yes dogs, are all taking advantage of the benefits yoga has to offer. The trend practically evolved overnight, and now you one can find a yoga studio on almost every street corner. In 2007, Americans forked out

Wallace 5 almost $5.7 billon on yoga classes and products such as mats, clothing, and other equipment pertaining exclusively to yoga. Celebrities, such as Madonna and Sting, are constantly advocating the practice and claim that yoga is the key to having a great physique; a claim in which they can easily support that claim with their appearance. The benefits of yoga are so profound that it is easy to see why it has become a nationwide trend. It is a simple way to achieve relaxation and de-stress as well as gain flexibility (Reuther). Many people start out only being able to bend down to their knees, but after only a short period of time, they are eventually able to reach their toes. Yoga has also been proven to improve balance and increase strength. A football player by the name of Gage Niemeyer says, I had been dealing with some back problems in the offseason, and I talked to the coaches about doing something to help deal with that and increase my flexibility,. In response they mentioned that they thought yoga would be a good idea,. I enrolled, and I actually really liked it a lot. I'm already a lot more limber," Niemeyer says (Hendricks). Many sports are coming to the realization that having balance, strength, and flexibility plays a key role in each and every player. Several experts have noticed that yoga has been packaged so well as a resistance against illness and aging that it is not hard to lose sight of its real purpose, self-awareness. Source. This statement alone shows just how powerful yoga can be and sets yoga aside from any other form of exercise. Like I said earlier, yoga has recently become a very widespread activity but despite this new trend, many people arent fond of the hobby. One of the top reasons people are against doing yoga is because they believe it to be against their religion. Yoga, just like any other activity, can be religiously affiliated but most styles of yoga offered in the west are more scientific in their approach. Most scholars would say that Hinduism and yoga are very closely related but would also agree that yoga its self itself is not a religion; yoga is more often

6 considered a type of spirituality. In San Diego County, the school system decided to incorporate yoga into their program once they received a three-year grant for $533,000 from a nonprofit group that promotes Asthanga yoga. A group of parents were not happy about this, fearing that their children would be exposed to eastern religion. The parents claimed that the program was unconstitutional and threatened to take legal action. The superintendent, Baird, responded to the parents saying, "Our goal is that kids get a really healthy workout, that they get a chance to relax and reduce stress and yoga's perfect for that. Baird continued by saying, "Yoga is a worldwide exercise regime utilized by people of many different faiths," he said. "Yoga is part of our mainstream culture (Smith). Your paper is looking great so far! Youve sourced just about all of your information, and your paper flows great. Youve made sure every paragraph has separate main points while all continuing to maintain the topic of your paper. You didnt ramble or fluff, so great job. Youre on a good start!

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Works Cited Dankosky, John. "The Science of Yoga: The Risks And Rewards.." 2 10 2012: n. page. Web. 5 . 2014. Hendricks, Beth. "Marshall football players see benefits of yoga." AP Regional State Report. n. page. Print. Kaur, Ramdesh. "All About Yoga: What is Sanasana?." Spirit Voyage Blog. N.p., 5 Jun 2012. Web. 26 Mar. 2014. Newcomer, Laura. "Most Common Yoga Injuries and How to Avoid Them.." Greatist. N.p., 10 Sep 2012. Web. 12 Mar. 2014. Reuther, Annette. "Yoga's popularity stretches from nudists to infants." 07 10 2010: n. page. Web. 4 Feb. 2014. Smith, Ronda. "Yoga, The Path to Harmonious Living." Washington Informer. May 2013: n. page. Web. 4 Feb. 2014. "Yoga Injuries On the Rise." Club Industry. Penton, 1 February 2003. Web. 26 Mar. 2014.