Issue 5

Editor : Claire Worgan

Editor-In-Chief : Elizabeth Simos
Produced in USSU Media Hub,
University of Surrey,
Guildford
Est. 2008

FREE

WHAT A LOAD
OF BALLOTS
and oversees different aspects of
the students union, on issues that
affect education, welfare, culture,
sports and societies. Together, they
decide on the policies and direc-
tions that the union should take,
by voicing your needs, concerns
and views to make your student
experience is the best it can be.

Previous sabbaticals have left

these roles and incorporated their
skills into successful careers. Dav-
id Varney, a Chemistry Graduate
from Surrey, was the first Presi-
dent of the Students’ Union in
By Amy Campbell 1987. After taking on the role of President,
he worked for Shell International Petroleum
I also contributed to the students union work-
ing for security in my final year as a Material
Science Engineering Student.” He then re-
tuned back to the University in 2002, where
he took on his current position as Venue Man-
ager playing a central role in the operation of
Rubix.

T he sabbatical elections are taking place where he was appointed Managing Director of
this week on campus and give you the Shell UK. Progressing in his career at Shell, he
chance to vote in next year’s sabbatical team then joined British Gas as Chief Executive, but
Nicolas Short was elected VP Sport and Rec-
reation in 2006 on a mandate of making sport
of 2009/2010. Voting is open from Wednes- moved to HM Revenue and Customs, where at Surrey more efficient and improving com-
day 25th until Thursday 26th of February from he took on the role as Chairman. munications. He said that, “The most memo-
10am- 5pm in the Library Foyer, Austin Pierce rable aspect of my time as a Sabbatical was
building and the lecture theatre concourse. Ben MaCauley, Venue Manager of Rubix, took that spent helping to design the new Sports
on the role as VP sports running for two years Centre for Manor Park, and our lively debates
Candidates who are elected will consist of five as a Sabb in 1990-2001. Before taking on his with the architects, who wanted to design
sabbatical officers who together with full time position as a sabbatical, Ben said, “As a stu- their own sports centre, rather than the one
union staff are responsible for the day to day dent at the University of Surrey I was captain we wanted.”
running of your students union. Each sabbati- of the Rugby first team and sports executive.
cal officer has designated responsibilities Continued on Page 3 ...

Candidate pictures Sports news Feeling

s , N e w s! Arty
Stars in your pages 16 & 17 News, New - 7 Pages 30 & 31 Farty?
eyes? Pages 1 Arts Se
ction
Horoscopes Page 2
1
Page18
Issue 5 |26th February 2009 | www.ussu.co.uk/thestag 1
 Worgan’s Words
Well, to be honest dear readers I have lit-
tle to say... (Shock Horror). Normally I can’t
In this issue.....
stop talking in this short paragraph of wis-
dom. I must say though that I have had
a very social two weeks. Black and White News
party run by the Politics Society was an Pages| 3 -8
excellent event and I hope that many of Including Sabbatical Information
you have also been enjoying the events of
Features
RAG Week, not forgetting the night where
everyones sins come to light in the form Campus Boy | page 9
of Fetish!. I have become nocturnal, the GU2 Update| Page 10
interesting delights of night have become Food| Page 12
a regular occurence for me, in the form Fashion for Spring | Page 13
of forced insomnia. So maybe the union Not News| Page 15
should hold an all night party to cure my Candidate Pictures| Page 16 &17
need to stay awake at night, discovering the delights of David
Horoscopes
Attenborough and the Arctic on bbc at 4am in the morning...... Closing
Page 18
words... Avoid wine that suggests “ Best consumed with french fries and
fried chicken.” It’s not worth it. Societies

Claire
Islamic Society| Page 20
PSA| Page 20
Arts

-x-
Music Reviews | Pages 21-24
Literature |Pages 25&26
Film | Pages 27&29
Editor| Claire Worgan: ussu.thestag@surrey.ac.uk
Sports
News| Amy Short & Steven Hayton: newsdeskstag@gmail.com
Features| Kim Harris : featuresdeskstag@gmail.com
BSA | Page 30
Societies| Justin Waite & Mariam Nasir : societiesdeskstag@gmail.com Ice Diving & Football | Page 31
Sports| James Simpson & Danielle Gianotti
sportsdeskstag@gmail.com Find out more information at:
Music| Rachael Fitz-Patrick : musicdeskstag@gmail.com
Literature| Amy Barnes :literaturedeskstag@gmail.com
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/group.
Film| Ollie Sim: filmdeskstag@gmail.com
php?gid=36469776493
Science| Toby Shannon : sciencedeskstag@gmail.com
www.ussu.co.uk/thestag
Marketing| Amy Campbell :marketingdeskstag@gmail.com
Copy Editors | Joe Kenward & Stephanie Davies
The Stag is an editorially indepedent newspaper and is
published by the University of Surrey
Students’ Union Media Hub.
The views expressed in the paper are those of individ-
ual authors and do not necessarily represent the views
of the editor or her team, the Student’s Union or the
University of Surrey.

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Continued from front page...
to you. If I’d recognised that at the start, I
would have had a much smoother ride in What do the
When asked about his time as President from my first few months and it has subsequently
2003-04, Pete Tivers said, “As a student at
Surrey, I had the time of my life. I became
served me well.” After completing a suc-
cessful year as VP Sports, Nick started work
Sabbs do?
involved in the Students’ Union through my for IBM as a Business Architect, rationalis-
involvement with GU2 Radio, as well as vari- ing the operations of multi-national corpo-
ous other activities. Standing for President rations and government agencies. This, he The Union President
of the Students’ Union was my way of giving said, was very similar to what he attempted This is most senior Student Representative at the
something back to the Union, the University to do as a Sabbatical, just on a larger scale. Uni, acting as the voice for all students on campus by
and the student body. The role was hugely When asked about the position of Sabbati- ensuring that representational structures are in place
rewarding and helped shape me into the cal Officer, Bob Anderson, Director of the and being used. The President works with the team of
person I am today. I cannot deny it was hard Students’ Union said, “To be a Sabb is a life full time Sabbaticals and part time Executive Officers
to promote the views of students to the University. The
work, but the opportunities and responsibili- changing experience that prepares students role also means being the main point of communication
ties given to me as a recent graduate were for their future careers.” between the Students’ Union and the University in order
incredible and thoroughly rewarding”. His to make sure students’ views are taken into account in
role as President made him realise that he When voting, you will be asked to present every decision that affects them.
wanted to have a career in higher education. your University Campus Card by union of-
Vice President Education
He is still working for the University of Surreyficials at the voting polls. Paul Coward, an
as an Education Liaison Centre and as an Election official, said, “Last year we took ap- This is the leading representative on all academic
Assistant Warden. proximately 1,800 votes which is minimal if matters affecting students, meaning they oversee the
you look at the population of the students student academic representative system, the Student
Andy Blair was a VP communications Sab- at Surrey which is around 12,000. This year Union’s academic support provision and promote the
needs of students to all University committees which
batical, a role that no longer exists, but en- we aim to get about 3,000 votes, creating relate to studying here. As the representative of the
abled Andy to contribute immensely to the a wider depiction.” All placement students academic experience at Surrey, this position also has a
Students’ Union. Andy said, “My time as a have been sent an e- mail giving them the voice nationally and acts as the champion of educational
Sabbatical was the most influential year opportunity to vote for the next Sabbatical campaigns and activism relating to University fees and
of my life, and gave me the opportunity to team. other important matters.
learn how to represent views, influence
Vice President for Welfare
through idea sharing, recognise the power Campaigns will start the week commenc-
of team collaboration and expose myself to ing the 24th February, with candidates en- This is charged with looking after the wellbeing needs
challenges I was totally unqualified to un- couraging you to go and vote for them. So- of all students on campus and in the community. This
dertake inside a £2.2million organisation. I cieties and sports clubs should not favour a means taking on individual student cases as well as
liaising with student care services about provisions for
thoroughly enjoyed every second of it”. Andy particular candidate, as it is important that students and the issues that might affect them. They also
was responsible for negotiating the £40k individual consideration is acknowledged. oversee the Students’ Union amenities – RAG, LGBT, PGA
that was required to build and launch GU2 Results will be announced in Chancellors and St John’s Ambulance.
Radio. Together with the other Sabbaticals, Restaurant at 6pm on Friday 27th February.
he launched the first full version of the Un- The new Sabbatical team will then take of- VP Societies and Individual Development
ion website. Andy is still with us at the Uni- fice in July 2009. This role oversees the Guild of Societies, the ‘DAVE
versity of Surrey, where he is Director of Mar- Project’ for the personal development and employability
keting & Communications for the University, Your vote is extremely important to the fu- of students, as well as cultural events such as I-Festival
responsible for global marketing for recruit- ture of your Students’ Union, so make sure and projects to encourage the social integration of all
ment of students and development of Sur- you choose wisely. Details of the candidates students. ‘Do More’ (student volunteering) and ‘Give
it a go’ (workshops and adventures) also come under
rey’s overall reputation as a premium insti- manifestos can be found on: www.ussu. this position. They ensure that all of these activities are
tution for teaching, learning and research. co.uk/sabbaticals. student led and benefit students.

“The most important thing I learned as a Vice President for Sport and Recreation
Sabb was to listen to others opinions, as
whether right or wrong, they are as impor- This role is responsible for representing the
tant to those expressing them as yours are sporting needs of all Surrey Students to the Uni
and nationally. Liaising with the Sports Centre
team about the development of sport at Surrey, this
position is instrumental to the direction of sport on
campus in light of the new sports development and
2012 games.

newsdeskstag@gmail.com 3
 sabbatical
electi
ons‘09

vote
25t h - 2
n
6
o
t
w
h
!
fe br u a r y
choose your sabbaticals at:
library
ap foyer
lecture theatre
concourse
ballot boxes open 10am - 5pm

4 sab_elec_votenow_A3.indd 1 18/02/2009 10:45:48

 Dear The Stag,

Why is it that every week on campus, I come across yet

Post Bag
another advertising campaign consisting of just 100s of
the same A4 poster. It’s so rediculously wasteful to have The Next Deadline......
the choice of 50 posters to read, in each direction I If you want to submit an
gaze not to mention how ugly it makes the campus. Oc- article to us then please
casionnaly I see posters in places where it would actually
be impossible to read them such as on the top floors of
make sure we have it by
the higher buildings. It’s quite depressing for me, and Tuesday March 3rd
other environmentally conscious students, to see so much to ensure it goes into the
paper needlessly wasted in this way. Why not be more paper on time!
imaginative? For instance you could create just a few
but bigger more unusual posters to grab people’s eyes
and they could even be visually attractive for a change.

Theft on
You boring unimaginative advertising idiots, get with the
twenty first century, such flagrant waste is no longer
acceptable!

Yours, Campus
James

On Wednesday 18th February, between

3.00pm and 5.00pm, five laptop computers
were stolen on campus. They were taken from
the Library, the AA building and the AD build-

*
ing. The police and security officers were on
Saturday 9th May
Epsom Downs Racecourse

alert and patrol.

Having a laptop stolen is a double-dose of

bad news, since not only are you confronted
with the fact that your expensive laptop is now
gone, but you also have to deal with the possi-
bility of data theft. Credit data, email records,
license keys, personal documents, all at the
fingertips of the kind of person who was will-
ing to steal your laptop in the first place.

tickets on sale from A message to all students and staff is to always

keep your belongings with you at all times, es-
Monday 23rd February
(*)
pecially laptops.
tickets are available at the Students’ Union from TOM HOLDER (sports administrator)
If you know anything regarding the thefts
please call 01483 (66) 2002 or 9114

colours.indd 1 18/02/2009 10:47:10

5
 Private Sector House Hunting!
By Amy Short

T hose of you who have not been

successful in finding yourself
accommodation for next year… DON’T
The principle of joint and several
liability applies to Assured Shorthold
Tenancy Agreements, so if you and your
PANIC! All Private Sector and Property housemates are on a single tenancy
Managed housing will be advertised agreement and one of you fall behind
on the Surrey University StudentPad, on the rent, the Landlord will come after
which can be found by going to www. the others to make up the shortfall. The
surreystudentpad.co.uk. Property principle also applies to guarantors.
Managed houses will be listed on Monday
23rd February, and Private sector rooms Another important issue is deposit
and houses will be listed on Monday protection. A deposit of between four and
2nd March. But whether you are doing it six weeks rent will normally be required
yourselves or through the University, there to protect the Landlord against damage
are some important issues to bear in mind. to their property. Since April 2007,
Landlords, or their Letting Agents, have
Let’s start with the most important issue; had an obligation to protect deposits
gas safety. Twenty people a year in the received in one of the authorised
UK die from inhaling carbon monoxide schemes. Tenants should be provided
fumes as a result of faulty or poorly with details of where there deposit is
maintained gas appliances. Symptoms protected within fourteen days of payment.
of carbon monoxide poisoning include on the admin fee, so drive a hard bargain.
headaches, nausea, dizziness and drowsiness The three professional bodies that cover letting
and can be fatal in a matter of hours. Many agents are ARLA, NALS & RICS. If it becomes There is still widespread abuse of the new
mistake these symptoms with having a necessary to deal with an agent that is not a regulations, either as a result of ignorance
hangover, and so won’t discover the gas leak. member of any of these organisations, be on on the part of the Landlord or in many cases
your guard against questionable practices – deliberate neglect. If your deposit has not been
Landlords and Letting Agents are obliged to such as charging students to view prospective protected within the statutory period, you can
have gas appliances checked annually by a properties – and avoid those that practice them. commence proceedings against the landlord
CORGI registered engineer (this will change to under section 214 of the Housing Act 2004.
Capita from 1st April 2009), and must provide It is not unusual for a group of students to
tenants with a gas safety certificate. Never move leave signing the Tenancy Agreement until The Act states that a court must order the
into a property until you have had sight of the the day that they are due to move. While Landlord to pay the tenant three times the
certificate – when it comes up for renewal, you this may be convenient for all concerned, amount of the deposit if it has not been protected,
must be provided with a copy within 28 days. it leaves you in a vulnerable position. although in practice the sanction is unlikely to
Don’t be scared to ask and don’t be fobbed off. be imposed if the Landlord has protected the
Although you may have agreed the terms deposit by the time the hearing comes around.
You may also want to buy an audible carbon several weeks before, there is nothing to
monoxide alarm (manufactured to a recognised stop the Landlord from changing his mind at The three authorised schemes all offer an
British or European standard) although this the last minute. He may be required to pay a Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) service
should be used as an extra layer of protection withdrawal fee to the agent, but you will not and although the parties can opt out, the
to compliment the regular inspections. receive any redress. Once the terms of the courts are unlikely to look favourably on
tenancy are agreed, get all parties to sign Landlords and tenants that refuse a free ADR
It is often necessary for students to make use the agreement as quickly as possible; even service and clog up the courts. What is clear
of Letting Agents to broaden their search. An if that means posting it between the tenants. from the disputes that have gone through
agent’s main fee will be paid by the Landlord ADR so far is that if a Landlord does not have
but if you decide to take a property you will be If you do end up in the unfortunate position of evidence – normally in the form of an inventory
asked to pay an administration fee. The level having a Landlord withdraw at the eleventh hour, - that any disputed damage was caused by the
of admin fees varies considerably between ask the agent if you can pay for you references tenant, then the deposit will be returned in full.
agents; from £30 to £150 plus VAT per tenant. and save time by using them on another property.
Hopefully you will now be in better shape to
There is plenty of room here for negotiation. You should be aware of the term ‘Joint and several enter the private rental market with confidence.
If the agent uses an external company to take liability’. It means that, in legal terms, a person Remember to make use of the Accommodation
up references – and most do these days – the can be held liable for any part or all of a bill, so Department. Even if they can’t help with finding
cost to them will be between £20 and £40 per in other words – be careful who you share with. you a property, they are always on hand to offer
person. They will not want to miss out on the valuable advice.
6
much larger commission by squeezing you
 Variable Costs
By Peter La
Press Officer
I n 2006, most universities in England and
Wales were allowed to start charging fees of
up to £3,000 per annum to Home/EU under-
graduate students. This fee system is called
‘variable fees’, and was a recognition by the
government that the money allocated to uni-
versities from taxation was not enough to pre-
serve the quality of teaching and learning. The
University of Surrey, in common with almost
every other university, decided to charge the
full £3,000, (£3,145 in 2008) whilst offering a
generous raft of bursaries and scholarships to
students whose personal backgrounds mean
they require further financial support. Surrey
has a long-standing commitment and track
record in ensuring, where possible, students
who have the ability to study here are not pre-
vented from doing so by financial considera-
tions.
The University has committed about one third
of its additional fee income to bursaries and
scholarships and a further third to various
measures aimed at improving the student ex-
Channie’s Hit By Vandals
On the second night of RAG week
many students ventured to Chancel-
lors for Chnnies Challenge. During
this time it is thought that male stu-
dents took part in drawing graffiti on
the walls of the men’s toilets. Unfor-
tunately those responsible are yet to
be found.
“Last year over £10,000 was spent
on vandalism” claims Alan Roy, Com-
mercial Services Manager for the
University of Surrey. These unneces-
sary costs could have been spent on
other facilities for the students.
If you have any information regard-
ing the vandalism on the night og
Channie Challenge, then please con-
tact either Chancellors or Security.
Sara Hadfield
perience. This pot of money is referred to as (SPLASH) as well as library resources for new
the ‘Access Agreement Fund’. programmes. Projects involving e-learning
and new technology include the widening of
To date the University has committed almost the campus wireless network access scheme
£3 million to projects to improve the student and a text message system for students in the
experience. The focus has been on projects Faculty of Management and Law enabling up-
which deal with areas highlighted by students to-date communications to be sent out to large
as needing enhancing, with a preference for groups of students.
those which will bring benefit to larger num-
bers of students. The Access Agreement Fund has also been
used to provide more welfare support for stu-
The projects have included many focused on dents. A successful pilot of peer mentoring in
learning and teaching. For example, labora- the residences in Manor Park has been suc-
tories and equipment have been upgraded for cessfully rolled out across the other halls of
Science and Engineering students and addi- residence. The Access Agreement Fund also
tional teaching staff have been appointed in provides funding for a Welfare and Casework
Management and Engineering to reduce the Co-ordinator in the Students’ Union.
student staff ratio. A number of pilot schemes
have been run including the 24-hour opening The University’s own Access Agreement with
of the University Library, allowing students the the Office for Fair Access (OFFA) is available on
flexibility to access the resources they need. the OFFA website at http://www.offa.org.uk.
A Maths Support Centre in the Faculty of En- For full details of the University’s current fees
gineering and Physical Sciences will also be position visit the Registry site at: http://portal.
created. surrey.ac.uk/portal/page?_pageid=719,1&_
dad=portal&_schema=PORTAL
Extra funding has been allocated to the
Student Personal Learning and Study Hub
ature
Do you have a fe
e read-
that you think th
ers of The Stag
would
us!
love? Then Email
Section Editors
7
 Grad Ball • • • • •
FRIDAY 26TH JUNE 2009

Headline act to be confirmed soon | 7pm – 7am

Fun Fair | Casino | Performers | Paparazzi

Fortune Teller | Caricaturist | Magician

Photographer | Body Artists | Karaoke

DJ Leroy | Survivors Photograph

Full English Breakfast

Tickets available from the Bookshop soon

Glad Rags and

By Amy Short
Glowsticks
N o doubt you’ve seen the posters covering every brick wall, door and
window around campus… yes, I think everyone was aware that it
was RAG week last week. The University of Surrey Raising and Giving Thursday’s Pyjama Movie Night in Management School Lecture
society is an amazing opportunity to make a profound difference to Theatre went down a treat. Everyone sat munching on their pop corn
the quality of life for those who are not so fortunate through organising whilst watching the film ‘Cool Runnings’. Entrance was only one pound
and running amazing events and initiatives. It is a great way to meet and free with a RAG wristband.
new people and develop valuable skills that will enhance your time
Friday’s Beer Festival at Rubix saw a large selection of Surrey’s Finest
at Uni and career prospects. An estimated figure of around £5,000
from £1 a pint and free entry! No pints were over £1.50! Three local
is what the team have raised, which will be going to charities in the
breweries provided the ales and beers. As well as that it was also
area.
Fetish Night number two! Tickets were sold out by Tuesday so it was
Monday night saw around 1000 people attend Rubix for Neon Night. clearly a popular night!
£2000 was raised from ticket sales alone, and collection buckets,
There will be more information about RAG Week in the next issue of
glow stick sales and face paint sales raised around £300. It was a
the Stag, including how much was actually raised and an overview
busy night and there were even some good deals at the bar.
of all the goings on. If you have a story you would like to share
Chancellors Challenge on Tuesday raised around £400. Entrance
fee was only a pound! 180 people took part in the challenge, so
many people they had to get extra chairs from HRB. The night was a
success.
On Wednesday, there was the biggest inter-society T-shirt pub crawl that
the University has ever seen! The night started off at 7pm in Channies,
then on to The George Abbot, Wetherspoons (who were giving student
discounts on a pub crawl for the first ever time!), Flares and then back
to the union where the T-shirt provided free entry to Citrus in Rubix.

8
 Campus Boy
Fear and Loathing on Campus
Don’t sit there, don’t sit there, don’t… oh, superb. She sits. The lecture
theatre is barely half full, and she chooses here. This is tantamount to
standing beside me in the urinal, something which would render my
bladder unable to release its fluid. In such a situation, I’d be forced
to pretend to wee for approximately twenty seconds, before washing
my hands and exiting as per normal, despite still needing relief. Here,
she’s hemmed me in, no escape, and she’s smug, because she knows
it. The etiquette of the lecture theatre is to sit amongst friends and
vague acquaintances, it seems. I choose wall. Despite attempting to
shield my face with a hand, she catches my eye and smiles. Perhaps
because she’s expended energy on moving facial muscles in my eye-
line, she’ll feel it acceptable to add me on Facebook? Well, the egg will
be on her face, because I don’t have an account. Search away in vain,
you hunter of profiles, you’ll remain un-befriended.
Suddenly, I identify a threat to my personal
space, a pen rolling towards the edge of the
desk. Her pen. Is this a test, is she wanting
me to crack? It drops to the floor, beside
my foot. I sense that this is a moment when beings would be drawn
into interaction, a possible point-scoring minefield. I decide to let her
scramble for it, fully deserved, I feel, if you fail to control your station-
ary. I refuse to break, even as she flails a hand blindly at the floor, and
she attempts another smile. Is that 3-1? Or does she score for violat-
ing my space and fondling my shoe, in her attempts to re-capture her
pen, to cause me discomfort? I spend the rest of the lecture trying to
decide, until the situation is clarified as the desks flip into the backs of
seats. The goalposts move, and I set a final challenge to ascertain the
victor. It’s a race to the exit.

I consider the scores even, then, given that she almost fooled me She’s out of the blocks first, given my disadvantaged position of wall-
into reciprocating a smile. I might have even done friendly eyes… oh, hugger. There’s just one focus now; head down, a single last ditch
please don’t let me have done those. She scored early doors, but I was charge to the doors… got to try and appear normal, lay off the engine
under-prepared, vulnerable to the advances of newcomers to my own noises. Here! An opportunity, she’s chosen the wrong line and is being
little world. I decide to make a move, capturing territory on the arm- held up at the lectern. I plough onwards, surely certain to win now, out,
rest, a sneaky manoeuvre to make the score 2-1. I ponder my next… is out into the cool, victorious air. I beam, cheering internally, to the puz-
she calculating hers? She could break wind in my direction, knowing I zlement of those waiting to enter. And then I realise. The lecture hand-
have only the wall to retreat towards, and pull even in the scoring. Or, I
outs. My face drops. To those watching, I appear mildly schizophrenic.
could break wind and race clear? There is no wind. I sit and hope that I attempt to re-enter the room, where I’m met by my competitor, and
she’s similarly unarmed. I’m forced to hold open the door. She smiles, friendly eyes, and thanks
me. And I struggle through the groaning hoards into the warm, stifling
The lecture is underway, and I’m glazed over, my mind synthesising in- air of humiliation.
ner thoughts with the information absorbed from the external world.

MID-WEEK £1.50 SPECIALS

T e x M e x
Specials will be served ONLY from 3pm till 5pm
The specials will be run from Mondays to Fridays
Mucho Mix

CHOOSE FROM 3 OPTIONS

A NEW RANGE AT THE START OF
EVERY NEW WEEK
For further details or other information
ho option
please ask the Chancellors Bar Staff. Thank you. X MEX Muc
The new TE ncellors
bein g served in Cha
Now
0
JUST £10.0
INCLUDES OS TO SHAR
E
ATE OF NACH LE
A LARGE PL S or A BOTT
R 4 CORONA
PLUS EITHE OR WHITE WINE
E RE D
OF HOUS

9
 Loads of Stuff Has Happened And Will Happen
Soon. So For The Second Week Running I Won’t
Have The Space To Tell You How I Bumped Sweet
Uglies With Some Of The Planets Most Beautiful
Swimsuit Models And Pop Starletts
By Andy Vale

Sorry if you were expecting explicit carnal details of some of the
most famous GQ cover models in recent years. I’d love to give you
graphic descriptions of how I touched the untouchables in unmen-
tionable places in front of some famous faces, but the stolen video
will hit the net soon enough.
It seems that my calls here have been heard! We have now almost
completely filled up all our specialist slots and now you can hear
almost any genre of music you could possibly want at evenings and
weekends. There are still some daytime slots going as well, we’re
looking for people who can chat rubbish, be a little bit entertain-
ing and press play at regular intervals. It’s not all glamour. If this
sounds like something you’d like to do then email TRAINING@GU2. To listen to your very own student radio station, go to www.GU2.
CO.UK
We are now giving away Flirt and Citrus tickets every Wednesday any nicer to you would involve dinner first.
and Friday from 4-7pm. So if you don’t feel like queueing, pay-
ing and being one of the general populace, then listen in and bag
yourself a couple of tickets for diddly-nothing. Speaking of events,
we have played/will be playing more events than I feel like list-
ing so look out for us at any parties, functions or Rock-a-boogie
seminars that you may feel like attending. We even got ourselves
a cheeky set during Neon night! It went down damn well, want us
again? Tell the Union! Soon we will also be putting on gigs around
campus that I recommend you all come to. Early days, but this
sleeping beauty is about to be kissed.
Steve features a student radio station on his show and picked us
for that particular week. The interview can easily be found online
and has already received over 50 downloads.
A final big thing will be in Mid-March. I’ll be doing a marathon 36-
hour show to raise money for Comic Relief. During that time I’ll be
doing interviews, various features, learning to play the ukelele (uke-
lele permitting) and maybe even attempting a few world records.
As the station frequency is 1350am, I’m looking to raise £1350 for
many highly worthy causes. Go to www.justgiving.com/AndyVale to
donate and I’ll put you on the ‘wall of honour!’
co.uk or tune into 1350 am. If there isn’t something on that you
like then you can listen back to any show for up to a week! To be
Justgiving - donate to charity and raise funds online - Andy Vale’s
Fundraising Page
Source: www.justgiving.com
Justgiving - the easiest way to fundraise and donate to charity online

For about five minutes on Friday the 13th we went national as Ste-
ve Lamacq interviewed me on his BBC6 music show. Every week

10
 

  
    
    
      
 
  

 


 
 
      

  
     
   
 
      

  
 
 
   
  

   
     

      
 

    
  
 
 
 


 
    
  
 
 



11
 So... What’s cookin’?
Scientist in the kitchen Toby Shannon brings you a hearty stew...
Veggie style!

Hey kids. I’ve managed to break my way out of the lab deep in the cellar of AZ to bring you a good solid supper -
something to set you up for the night ahead. This stew is a really good way of using up whatever veggies you have
lying around the place along with a few storecupboard staples (not office staples... ah, you know what I mean...).
So go on - give it a go, it’ll make up enough for a few hungry friends and try serving it with some rice, mash or even
some cous-cous (so good they named it twice). The veggies I’ve listed are just what I happened to have to hand
- mix and match!

A note on Stock Vegetables - this is a really useful storecupboard ingredient. A mixture of lentils, pulses, grains,
pastas and dried vegetables that handily bulks out soups, stews, casseroles and so forth. I’ve even used them
with chillies and curries and they’ve been jolly nice.

Ingredients:
150g dry stock vegetables
Vegetable oil, a couple of tablespoons
1 medium onion, sliced
1 pepper (red, green, yellow - your choice), sliced
1 tin tomato soup
1 tin chopped tomatoes
Veggie stock cube/powder/liquid
Dried mixed herbs
Salt ‘n’ pepper
Marmite (optional but bear with me...)

Firstly, put the stock veg on to the boil - follow the instructions on the bag (cover with cold water, bring to the boil
for 10 minutes or so and then cover and simmer for about 30 mins... or something like that). Meanwhile, heat the
oil in a large saucepan and gently fry off your peppers and onions until they’re softened and then add your tins
of tomato soup and chopped tomatoes and gently warm it through. Add a big pinch of herbs, your veggie stock
and S&P to taste. Right - Marmite. I know it sounds odd but it’s a mix of deep savoury tastes and when it’s mixed
into the soup base it tastes nothing like neat marmite - use about a teaspoon or so and taste as you add so you
don’t go overboard. Stir in the cooked stock veg and allow the stew to bubble away gently until it’s nice and thick.
How does it look? How does it taste? If it needs a touch more seasoning go for it and you might try adding a bit of
concentrated tomato purée for a more intense flavour or chilli sauce if you like a bit of a kick. Serve it up with your
rice or whatever and maybe some nice bread too. If you make too much, sling it in the fridge and warm it up for
lunch the next day. Good luck and bonne apetit!

12
 Top, £4
Skirt, £11
Both from
Primark

Shoes, £30
Love Label at
Littlewoods.com

Leather Ruffle Miso Jersey

Detail Across Body Batwing
Grecian Bag, £19.58
Contrast Dress, Top, £16.62
ASOS Republic
£55
Lipsy

Metal Bow
Waist Belt,
£19.75
Spring Gem Carved Cuff,
£15
Accessorize

Clean
ASOS

Crafted Skinny
Flare Jean ,
The cosy season is no more so why hang £34.24
on to those winter warmers? Wardrobe Republic
space is precious (as we all know) so
why not get rid of the old and invest in
the new... Have fun with these gorgeous
treasures... Enjoy!

Faux Snake
Grab Clutch,
Dress, £40 £24.45
Topshop River Island
Dress, £15
Shoes, £14
Both from
Colourblock
Primark Tulip Dress,
£55
Lipsy

Bustier Jumpsuit,
Punched Metal Ruffle Dress, £15
Layered Hoop £60 Shoes, £15
Earrings, £8 Both from
Lipsy
Accessorize Primark 13
 L e o n
with
K in s of
T h e M a rc h
ed 4 th
W i n R u b ix
p m -2am
10
v | £ 4 Adv
S u pe r Ad u ests
£3 £ 7 g
o n d oor |
£4
G K ings
A M A ZIN Band’
‘An T r i b ute
n
of Leo
h i t s from
g
Playin y By The
u m s ‘Onl the
alb au s e o f
’ , ‘ B e c a ke
Night ’ ‘Ah a S h
Times n d ‘ Y outh
t b re a k’ a od ’.
Hear a n h o
d Y o u ng M
an

on
of Surre
y
The Un
de n s’ Uni
iversity
t
Stu
14
 ******** WARNING *******
THIS IS NOT NEWS!
************************
Annual campus popularity contest gets underway
By Pete Nattress
The University of Surrey’s annual popularity
contest will be in full swing this week, as several
candidates duke it out for the chance to spend an
extra year at university and add something vaguely
interesting to their CVs.
The popularity contest is a Surrey tradition which
has become increasingly important in recent
years, and is generally recognised as the ultimate
test of how many friends one has and how much
tolerance those friends have for a week’s worth
of tiresome campaigning. Several positions are
up for grabs every year, including the prolific ‘Most
friends’ post. Deputy positions include ‘most
posters printed’, ‘most fulsome breasts’ and
‘standing unopposed and winning by default’.
Over the next few days the contenders will have
their flyer-making and blu-taccing skills tested
to the limit as they attempt to plaster as much
of the campus’s ugly concrete facade with as
many fluorescent posters as possible. In addition
unleashing a barrage of visually arresting
posters, the candidates will also be harassing
the electorate on Facebook, hiring legions of
volunteers to harass the electorate in real life, and
frantically wracking their brains to think up cheap,
last-minute gimmicks in order to sway the vote.
In previous years, candidates have published
manifestos, but conventional wisdom suggests
this is an unnecessary step. Popularity contest
campaign manager Hailey James says that posters
are the best and easiest way to win a popularity
contest. “Posters, posters, posters. Every year
we see a direct correlation between the amount
of posters strewn around campus and amount of
votes cast. It also helps if the candidate has a lot
of friends to vote for them. Friends and posters.”
Furthermore, the posters rarely need to specify
anything other than a candidate’s name and the
position they’re standing for. “Putting anything
else on the poster for a popularity contest would
be redundant,” added James.
With levels of student apathy higher than ever,
this year’s campaign is expected to be particularly
hard for the contestants. “It’s not just a case of
having the most friends any more”, explained Rick
Chavinsky, a popularity contest analyst for Ipsos
Mori. “Now, to win a popularity contest, you have
to have friends who are willing to drag themselves
out of bed before polls close at 5pm and correctly
fill in a confusing ballot paper. You need a lot of
dedication from your base.”
One candidate has repeatedly stood in the
popularity contest for many years without
success. Ronald Matthews, known on the ballot
papers simply as ‘Ron’, attributes his failure to his
refusal to ‘play the game’. “I don’t put up posters,
I don’t invent fickle manifestos, and I don’t force
my friends to vote for me, mainly because I don’t
have any,” he said defiantly. Ron is standing for all
positions in the popularity contest and Not News
has decided to endorse him due to his bolshie,
unorthodox campaign style.
The popularity contest is completely unrelated to
the Student Union sabbatical elections also taking
place this week, which offer the valuable chance
for Surrey students to participate in a meaningful
and important democratic process.

Stag plans scaled back

By Pete Nattress
The erection of a gigantic stag at the entrance of
the University of Surrey has been delayed due to
logistical problems.
Initial blueprints called for the stag to be a fifty
foot tall behemoth which breathed fire and shit
electricity from a specially-designed Tesla coil
mounted in its cavernous rectal passage. It was
also originally supposed to have a pair of monstrous
glowing red eyes which would “strike the fear of
God” into passers-by and regular visitors alike.
However, council planning officials ruled that the
statue would be a “health and safety nightmare”,
an “unavoidable distraction to drivers” and “above
all, a little too ostentatious for Surrey.” Revised
plans to capture a real stag and put it in a cage
were met with horror from animal rights activists,
especially as the Tesla coil feature was still part of
the design.
The stag has long been associated with the
University of Surrey, presumably because of the
stag infestation on the grounds which causes
literally dozens of goring and stamped related
injuries every year. The university’s rebranding
incorporated the stag image into the new logo,
but Head of Marketing Sheila Fields claimed that
the thousands of pounds spent doing so simply
weren’t enough. “We needed an actual stag,” she
claims, “because otherwise it’s false advertising,
which is illegal. So we built one.”
The revised blueprints for the stag show that
it will now be a mere twenty foot tall, but made
entirely of gold, with a copper exterior to protect
it from inclement weather conditions. At a cost of
23 million pounds, some students have wondered
if their tuition fee money could have been better
spent on new facilities or equipment, but Ms
Fields explained that the stag practically pays for
itself. “Look at it,” she said. “Isn’t it marvellous?
Who wouldn’t want a humongous stag guarding “Copyright clearance issues held the project
the entrance to their university and scaring people back initially.”
on the A3?”
The stag is due to be unveiled a good few years
before the university rebrands again, this time to
a squirrel-based theme.
15
 presenting your Sabbat

union’s president

Elizabeth Simos Ash Murray

Patrick O’Shea Mike Blakeney
2nd Year Law Student
VP Education

Theo Ieronymides Nick Entwistle

VP sports and recreation

Kiren Vadher
PhD Student Goku “S” Parmar
Ben Phillips Chris Moffatt Dan “BamBam” Smith

For more information on how to

16
manfestos please visit
ical Election candidates

Murat Badem
VP welfare
Photography
Society member

Natalie Denise Benson

Malcolm Hunt Meg Georgiou
Forrester

VP societies and individual development

Dan Pullen
Justin Waite Lisa Shah

Marios Tziortzis
Sam Bull Tom Wiblin
Photography
Society
member
vote and to see the candidates’

www.ussu.co.uk /sabbaticals 17
 Madame Za-Za
“ The stars speak to me darling”
Aries (20th March – 20th April)
This fortnight is time for you to get back into your old hobbies. Lately
you’ve been spending your free time on unproductive endeavours.
Time to step away from Facebook and Smallville and go back to the
things you used to like doing before student living got the better of
you. Single? Ask that friend you’ve been thinking of to share your
new hobby with you. Taken? If they’ve been driving you crazy over
the last few weeks then maybe it’s time for a week apart.
Taurus (21st April- 20th May)
Your best friend needs you right now, and they need your sympathy.
Resist the “I told you so” routine- they are well aware that you were
right all along. Don’t humiliate them more than they already have
been. Single? Perhaps it’s time you stop waiting around for them
and make the first move. Taken? Enjoy the good life. But be careful
of bragging about your happiness to your friends.
Gemini (21st May- 20th June)
Your bank balance may be looking a little low right now- after all it
has been a month since your loan was paid and you were already
in the overdraft from Christmas... So when a friend offers an im-
promptu shopping trip this week- say no. Your bank statements will
thank you for it. Single? The Valentine’s date that you thought had
gone terribly may not have been as disastrous as you thought. Tak-
en? Maybe you two should give up arguing for lent, because right
now that’s all you seem to be doing together.
Cancer (21st June- 21st July)
A disagreement with a friend might become increasingly intense
over the next fortnight. One of you has to swallow their pride and
make the first move or you’ll lose each other forever, and neither
of you truly want that. Single? Someone who isn’t your usual type
might ask for your number this fortnight. Give it to them- your “type”
clearly hasn’t been right for you before. Taken? A meal out will re-
veal something about your partner that you didn’t know before.
Leo (22nd Jul- 22nd Aug)
Your part time job may be getting in the way of your studies right
now. You need to weigh up the possibility of packing it in, and if you
find you could give up the odd night out and still survive, it might be
time to put the degree first. Single? Have you thought about giving
up dating for lent? 40 days and 40 nights might be just enough to
get some perspective back in your life. Taken? Your partner’s mum
might be getting in the way right now, but she is genuinely worried
about her child’s wellbeing, so cut her some slack.
Virgo (23rd Aug- 21st Sept)
You’ve worked unbelievably hard over the last few weeks, so you
can afford a few peaceful days at least. So lie back, with a free
conscience, fully in the knowledge that you are ahead with your
work. Single? Forbidden fruit is always more tempting, but be aware
of the consequences before you pursue anything further. Taken?
Their sudden romanticism may have shocked you last week into
thinking there may be a hidden agenda. There isn’t.
18
Libra (20th Sept- 21st Oct)
You’re feeling frustrated right now, and that is understandable.
All of your nearest and dearest are on your side, so use them for
support because they all want to help you. Single? You know that
you aren’t built for random hook-ups, so who exactly do you think
you’re kidding? You will only end up hurt. Taken? You don’t like the
person you’re becoming when you’re with them. So either change,
or walk away.
Scorpio (22nd Oct- 21st November)
You’re doing your best to help a friend in need this week- but
there’s a huge chunk of the story that you’re missing. Make sure
you hear both sides before jumping straight in to help, because
your “friend” isn’t above lying to get their own way. Single? They
are waiting to hear from you after your date last week- don’t let
them down. Taken? This will probably be the hardest decision you
have ever made. But you’ve been thinking about it far too long now
to ignore that feeling in your stomach.
Sagittarius (21st Nov- 21st Dec)
You seem to be being overshadowed, deliberately, by a friend or
sibling. It’s absolutely infuriating, but this person seems to have
the golden touch and can do no wrong. So you need to set out to
prove you are equally worthy of their attention. Single? A night out
at the Union may result in an unlikely pairing. Taken? They seem to
have forgotten that you are a pair and that the decisions they make
affect you. Tell them how you feel.
Capricorn (21st Dec- 20th Jan)
You’re putting far too much strain on yourself right now. What with
your degree, work, and family commitments, you are overstretched.
Whatever happened to you time? Single? Your friend didn’t realise
you liked them. Try not to be mad, they can’t help what they don’t
know. Taken? It seems like their insecurities are stopping you from
doing the things you really want to. It might be time to stand up for
yourself.
Aquarius (21st Jan- 19th Feb)
Your confidence may have taken a knock over the last few weeks,
but it’s important not to let that affect the big events that are com-
ing up this month. You’ll regret it if you do. Single? Stay away from
the ex- you broke up for a reason and that reason is still there.
Taken? Your friends don’t approve- have you taken the time to won-
der why?
Pisces (19th Feb- 19th March)
It’s time to come to a conclusion about the decision you’ve been
pondering. Time is running out, and if you don’t hurry that decision
will be made for you. Single? You’ve not been interested in dating
lately- now might be the time to jump back in the game. Taken?
They are trying to get in the way of the two of you- and your para-
noia is allowing them to. Show them that you are solid and stand
up to them together.
T h e A P S a n d P S Y C H s o c ie tie s p re s e n t. . .

An evening with the SEX

THERAPIST!

Ever wondered what a sex therapist does?

Learn about:
 Dysfunction,
 Relationship issues
 Sex therapy techniques
 And more…

OPEN TO ALL S TUDE NTS AND S TAFF

Monday 2nd March 2009

7.30-9.00pm in LTL

Wine and biscuits provided

Advance tickets £1 from the bookshop from the 16th

February 19
Limited £2 tickets on the door
 Pakistan Students’
Islamic Awareness Week
We greet you with the Islamic greet- submission and peace. A Muslim
Association (PSA)
ing: Peace and blessings of Allah
(meaning God Almighty) be upon
means in Arabic, ‘the one who sur-
renders; submits; obeys with sincer-
performance in the fall of
you. ity and in peace to the will of God’
(Allah in Arabic). 2008 - 9th February, 2009
The Islamic society would like to After deciding on the first blog for The most important event so far
invite you to its Islamic Awareness The week ends with a charity dinner PSA Surrey, I started to think what is certainly the ‘Earthquake Re-
it is that makes this society mem- lief Fundraising’ event. It was
Week, from the 9th to the 13th of on Friday the 13th of March, where
bers different than others here organized in two days and the
March 2009. During the week, a volunteers cook food from around
at Surrey University. Instantly, I outcome was definitely beyond
poster exhibition will be held at the the world and sell at a cheap price. recalled the evening of 16th Oc- my expectations, as the society
Lecture Theatre Concourse and All the money goes to charity to tober, 2008 when Annual General gathered almost £2000. Hats off
literature about Islam can be ob- sponsor orphans. Last year, three Meeting (AGM) was organized by to the member sisters, as they
tained for free. There will also be a orphans from Sri Lanka , South Af- the former committee members. put up a stall of Henna Mendhi
series of interactive talks delivered rica and Lebanon were sponsored And to my surprise out of five, only in the cold weather (temperature
by international speakers on differ- for at least one year each. two committee members were dropped to 6 degree Celsius) in
ent topics including: present. They were antagonistic front of the University library. Sis-
The Islamic society at the University to answer few simple questions ters were supported by volunteers
• God between science and of Surrey consists of Muslim stu- on the events they organized dur- throughout the day and this made
ing their term as in charge. I wit- the event a success. I personally
religion dents at the University and works
nessed an evening where few was one of the volunteers and
• What do you really know very closely with the Muslim com-
people were looking to achieve was amazed by the brave sisters
about Islam? munity in Guildford and the sur- something and at the same time sitting in severe weather for a no-
• He was called the trustwor- rounding areas. Our aim is to serve few to interrogate and within next ble cause. This shows the caring
thy: Mohamed P.B.U the Muslim community and provide half an hour we had our new com- nature of international students
• What do you know about the an environment where members mittee for 2008-09. studying thousands of miles away
Quran? can practice their religious duties I want to call this new team ‘Pa- from their home country and their
• Islam among world religions in the best possible way. We also kistani Celebrities’, few want to hearts feeling the pain for the
• Islam: A way of life aim to provide a platform for un- get famous with little effort and homeland people. This was the
• One message, several mes- derstanding and dialogue between few with sheer luck. Whether our most exemplary display from the
sengers Muslims and non-Muslims across new team redesigns PSA’s vision Pakistanis, showing every person
or keeps the traditional vision we in the University the true meaning
all cultures, religions and back-
need to wait till the next AGM. of humanity. Fundraising money
Muslims and non-Muslims are in- grounds.
Today, I do see a spark of light in was given to the Edhi Foundation
vited to take part and ask any ques- the dark room of PSA since some UK office on the 28th November.
tion on any issue. Lunch time talks We currently hold our five daily promises made by the elected
are at 13:00 and free lunch is pro- prayers in the prayer room located President during the election are This is a story of PSA performance
vided. Evening talks are at 6:30 and in the Cathedral Court Reception becoming a reality. From the Fa- so far from the fall semester of
refreshments are provided. Times Building. Jumma (Friday prayers) is cebook page of PSA-Surrey, I can 2008 and lets see how PSA gets
and Locations will be advertised being held at the University Hall be- say Pakistanis studying here at along in the New Year.
around campus soon. tween 1:10 and 1:35. the University certainly shown in- As a Great Poet said once,
terests in the working of PSA. With khudi ku kar buland itna ka har
The aim of the Islamic awareness Hope to see you soon. Peace and the event list unfolding, PSA very taqdeer se pehle
quickly have organized two events khuda bande se khud poche
weeks is to promote awareness of blessing of Allah be upon you
so far. First one was the sports bata teri raza kiya hai (Allama
the true teachings of the religion
event of Cricket and the second, Iqbal)
of Islam, especially in the midst of Written by Islamic Society commit- the Earthquake Relief campaign
negative connotations associated tee members for south western province of Pa-
with Islam in the media. Two of the kistan.
meanings of the word “Islam” are Email:Ussu.Islamic@surrey.ac.uk Written by: Hamza Javaid (PhD
Let me just give you a brief on Researcher)

Have you got news to share from the sports event first, it was on a
fairly dry, cold afternoon. I was ex-
Treasurer, Pakistan Students’ As-
sociation (www.ussu.co.uk/psa)
pecting nothing amazing that day
your society? and it remained the same. Three For comments please email
matches were played, each team at: psa@surrey.ac.uk or
Let our Societies’ Editor know at had six players and guess what
rules were modified to suit the
H.javaid@surrey.ac.uk

societiesdeskstag@gmail.com conditions? Anyway it was a good

sporting event in the end and we Edited by: Mariam Nasir
managed to gather crowd.
20
 MUSIC
Lily Allen - It’s Not Me It’s You
Well Lily is back! You’d have been hard
pushed to miss her over the past few
weeks, you name a chat show she’s been
on it, along with her number one single
‘The Fear’ played every five minutes on
the radio. It has to be said I was one of
the doubters, after so long away…. well
it’s felt like ages, and with Kate Nash fill-
ing that void would she be able to pull it
off again? The answer is yes, the sound
has evolved since her first album ‘Alright
Still’ and although the songs tell of similar
stories, they are more mature and with a
slightly dancier feel.
I certainly like it, partly because she ap-
pears to sing honestly about her life and
in a weird geeky way it seems like you get
to know her a little better through listen-
ing to this album. Is it better than her first
one? Well it’s definitely on a par, so if you
liked that one chances are you’ll love this
too. It seems I’m not the only one to think
this, my housemates are fans as well….
they are also girls so not a truly balanced
poll, but I value their opinions!
Rachael Fitz-Patrick
4/5

John Frusciante – The Empyrean

Fans of Frusciante’s work will undoubtedly
have waited on this album with bated breath,
his tenth solo record since 1994 and perhaps
the most hotly anticipated. That is not to say,
however, that it is just for die-hard fans of the
Chili Peppers guitarist and the musical left
wing; The Empyrean has many shades of mu-
sical influences, from Jimi Hendrix to Captain
Beefheart.
‘Unreachable’, the first pre-release from the
album, features long-term collaborator Josh
Klinghoffer (whom many know as the ‘Fifth
Chili Pepper’ as he was seen with the Chili Pep-
pers on their Stadium Arcadium tour), as well
as the familiar sound of Flea on bass. Typically
emotive, the song moves between a powerfully
driven first half into a subtle electric piano sec-
tion, paving the way for a guitar solo with more
parts than Frankenstein’s forehead.
The production is rich and extensive but with-
out seeming over-produced. Frusciante follows
the Brian Eno philosophy of using the studio
as an instrument and The Empyrean is a per-
fect example of this; sumptuous.

Kid British - Leave London EP Tom Jones -

Hotly-tipped for success this year,
Kid British’s Leave London EP cov-
ers everyday events from the confu-
sion of ‘Lost in London’ to the heart-
ache of ‘She Will Leave’. The songs
are carefully constructed, at times
sounding like a Mancunian Hard-Fi,
but unfortunately that is not the only
aspect of their music they share
with the Staines-based band; shal-
low lyrics and weak rhymes plague
the EP; “This takes the biscuit, how
the hell did I miss this?” If you are
a fan of Scouting For Girls then Kid
British may well be the natural pro-
gression for 2009.
Michael Gray
Give A Little Love
Released: 23/02/09
Tom Jones may be the ripe-old age of 68, but
after 50 years in the business he is still going
strong. This brilliant record from his album 24
Hours is a catchy number, and can appeal to
people with all musical tastes. With a big band
sound, and the female backing vocals, this is a
classic sure to be popular. And of course, it’s still
about women and ‘giving a little love’...

Rachel Fitz-Patrick
musicdeskstag@gmail.com 5/5 21
 Esser -
Work It Out
Released: 23/02/09
Esser is a London-based producer/composer,
who is quickly gaining ground within the elec-
tronic music circuit. With some great vocoder
work in the chorus, and some brilliant remixes
from the likes of Sinden, this is a great single
for pop and electronica fans alike. Catch him
on tour with the Kaiser Chiefs towards the end
of February.
Rachael Fitz-Patrick
‘Say Something’ Music Night
Date: 5th February 2009
Venue: Wates House
perform with laptops and comput-
ers has always been an interest-
The Say Something music nights
ing and challenging experience.
For one of his first performances,
have been a feature at Wates it was really tight, and the Sex On
house over the past year or so, and Fire cover with a vocoder was gen-
it’s a chance for some of Surrey’s ius.
finest musicians to perform in a
relaxed environment. The event is Last up was Toy, a band from the
free, and it’s always a great night ACM. They played a style of reg-
to pop down to on a weeknight. gae-inspired pop, with some really
catchy lines and vocal melodies.
First on was Becky Woolls, a music Toy also included a saxophonist,
student here at Surrey, who is an which was great to see in a live
amazing pianist and singer. Hav- band, away from the regular gui-
ing turned up slightly late, I only tar/bass/drums. It did start to get
managed to catch the second part a bit repetitive after a while, but

The Hours -
of her set as more people began you couldn’t fault them as good
to mill in, shrouding around the musicians.
corners and door. Woolls has an

Big Black Hole
Deceptively simple, Big Black Hole is the latest
offering from Indie heavyweights The Hours.
Now a seven-piece band, it seems The Hours’
tracks have grown with their line-up as BBH
combines brutally honest lyrics with a lucid
rhythm section. Expect to wake up to this most
mornings on Radio 1.
Michael Gray
awesome voice, and played some All in all, it was a great night, and
great covers, including one of my the sound and atmosphere was
favourite Zero 7 songs, Home. She great. One of the best things is
played a huge back catalogue of you can duck in and out without
songs, and was a great way of get- feeling guilty that you’ve paid. I
ting people into the room, away can safely say that it’s much bet-
from the bar. ter than some gigs that I’ve had to
pay to get in.
Next up was Starsmith, the alter-
ego for Fin Dow-Smith, who has By Mark Allen
been growing in popularity in re-
cently weeks. His style of electro-
indie is about as popular as it gets
at the moment, and seeing people

Suburban Sprawl is coming!!

When: 6th - 27th March 2009
In terms of live music, it is a popular be-
lief that Guildford leaves much to the im-
agination, but perhaps those people need
to scratch the surface and take a proper
look.
Suburban sprawl is the perfect opportuni-
ty to seek out new music, as it seems like
it’s literally going to be everywhere, from
the more obvious locations such as The
22
Boileroom to the slightly more obscure Fri-
ary Shopping Centre. We’re in there too
as the University, in fact there are twenty
venues involved over twenty-two days (6-
27th March) featuring 200 bands. Surely
in amongst that there will be something for
everyone?!? The list of events is far too
long for me to list in this tiny little article,
but there is a lovely large web page that
shows them all: www.myspace.com/sub-
urbansprawl2009 . One thing is for sure,
if Uni work and suburban sprawl were to
have a fight, the sprawl would always win,
so at least check out one event and see
what all the fuss is about.
Rachael Fitz-Patrick
Our Music Editor
Rachael Fitz-Patrick and her team of
reviewers presents you with some
more ear tingling reviews for the New
Year !
 uLive by arrangement with The Agency Group presents

Plus
special guests
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Brakes
Supported by HIPSLINKY and THE THIRD MAN
Date: 30 January 2009 as Walter and looked more like a dishevelled li- ticked the rock box. On the flipside of this, was
Venue: Boileroom, Stoke Fields, brarian, held the crowd with his infectious yelp Hamilton’s tender rendition of ‘Jacksonville’,
and an impressive guitar collection. If you like during which his wife joined him onstage. De-
Guildford
There’s nothing better than live music (awaits
cries from people arguing that this, that and
the other are indeed better than live music).
For the sake of argument, go with me on this
one.
I had no expectations for this particular gig,
as I hadn’t heard of any of the bands. I had a
quick peek at the critical acclaim on Facebook
but that was as far as my research stretched.
This, however, made for an interesting evening.
Hipslinky opened, providing a melodic set
packed with fantastically catchy indie-flavoured
songs. The lead singer, who introduced himself
soundaffairs...
Boulevard of Broken Dreams
MUSIC: CHARLIE BARBER
CHOREOGRAPHY: JEAN ABREU
PERFORMERS: MAVRON STRING
QUARTET, JEAN ABREU & DANCERS
8th March 2009
The Electric Theatre, 7.30pm
Spring 2009 sees the World Premiere of Boulevard
of Broken Dreams - a unique collaboration between
live music and dance. Featuring a specially-written
musical score by composer Charlie Barber, and with
choreography by Jean Abreu, Boulevard of Broken
Dreams brings four stunning young dancers and
four brilliant young musicians – The Mavron String
Quartet - on stage together.
The result is an explosive mix of Latin influences,
live music, world beats, dance and physical thea-
tre. Boulevard of Broken Dreams opens at Taliesin
Arts Centre in Swansea on 12 February 2009 and
takes in sixteen venues across Wales and England.
On 8th March 2009, as part of the 10th Guildford
International Music Festival, The Electric Theatre,
will play host to this exciting collaboration.
Boulevard of Broken Dreams explores how peo-
ple meet in unpredictable ways, the tension cre-
ated between characters in public spaces and how
bonds can be created and dissolved in the space
24
Pull Tiger Tail, you’ll like these guys.
Following this energetic start, The Third Man
took to the stage. Fronted by ex-Kook member,
Max Rafferty, the band resembled a Doherty/
Borrell/Followill hybrid. Whilst I shuffled my
feet obligingly through the set, The Third Man
failed to rouse the enthusiastic toe-tapping in
me that Hipslinky achieved.
Headliners Brakes appeared fairly unremark-
able. This was until singer Eamon Hamilton
strutted to the stage wearing a shiny body suit
and helmet, punching the air with his fist. Thun-
dering through charged, punk-spirited rants
about pineapples, chickens and people who
try to talk to you when you’re at a gig, Brakes
of a day.
The music takes its starting point from ‘Plaza de Ar-
mas’ (Place of Arms), the name of the main square
in many Latin American cities surrounded by gov-
ernment buildings, churches, and other structures
of cultural and political significance. The name
derives from the fact that this would be a refuge
in case of an attack on the city, from which arms
would be supplied to the defenders.
The work exploits the interaction between the two
quartets as characters converge and compete in
this portrayal of the urban condition
Jean Abreu will draw on his mix of Latin dance roots,
capoeira and contemporary dance whilst Charlie
Barber will explore his passion for world music,
electro-acoustic soundscapes and new trends in
classical composition. Featuring four dancers (in-
cluding Jean Abreu) and the Mavron String Quartet,
the work will explore and contrast aspects of gen-
der as well as exploiting the interaction between
the two quartets.
The Mavron Quartet will perform on stage as part of
the action and the overall visual concept of the pro-
duction. The string quartet will also be amplified. The
live music will have a cinematic soundtrack quality,
both in scale and content, and will be mixed and ma-
nipulated by a sound technician who will interweave
the live sound material with electronically generated
soundscapes.
spite their name, Brakes showed no signs of
slowing down in this dynamic whirlwind of witty
banter, cider for the audience and a deliciously
raucous and fun set. My feet were sore from
all the floor-pounding (I like to think it wasn’t
the stack heel boots I was wearing.) If you like
your bands fast, furious and funny, check out
Brakes.
Amy Barnes
Look out for the next CD handout for your
chance to review
Cardiff-based composer Charlie Barber has a strong
local and national following. His prolific output as a
composer, and talent for combining musical influ-
ences and genres, have brought him acclaim from
audiences and critics alike. His recent performance
and touring programmes have featured musicians,
dancers, DJs, street performers and multi-media
content.
Jean Abreu was born in Brazil and is now based in
London. His distinctive choreographic style merges
his Latin dance roots and his British contemporary
dance training, and has led to him winning The Jer-
wood Award and The Place Prize commission. The
Mavron String Quartet formed in 2002. It has since
worked with artists as diverse as Judie Tzuke, Alex
Parks and Sibrydion. Based in Cardiff, the Quartet
is resident at the Gate Arts Centre and recently
gave a series of recitals in Ischia, Italy.
Literature Get those creative juices flowing....
Toby Shannon goes on a journey through time and space... With pizza,
hackers, mobsters and a cat called Cat.

number9dream by David Mitchell

I stumbled across this in your friendly neighbourhood bookshop the other
day. My New Year’s resolution (other than my annual “Make it smashing”)
is “Try books you normally wouldn’t think of...” and, boy, I’m glad I did.
Number9dream is a really rather marvellous book that chronicles 19 year-
old Eiji Miyake’s search for his estranged father, taking him from his family
farm on a remote Japanese island right into the very heart of urban Tokyo.
It flits from fantasy to reality, past to present and back again and there are
many moments when the lines get blurred just a little bit... Eiji is a really
incredible narrator and it’s a thrilling journey that peers into the heart of life
in modern Japan and the stories behind normal people and extraordinary
events.
The novel deals with love and loss, fantasy and reality, family and forgiveness
and it’s full of little moments, perfectly described, that make you feel like
you’re treading Tokyo’s sweltering streets right along with the narrator.
From the claustrophobia of his rented capsule bedroom to his vivid but
tragic childhood memories, the book leaves you wondering... Where does
the dream end...?
If you’re looking for a bit of an adventure, a change of scenery or you’re
just interested in a great modern novel, give it a go. I think you’ll be glad
you did too.

Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn

By Stephenie Meyer As for Bella, anyone who was ever an awkward teen will find it easy to
empathize with her. She’s the new girl at a small school, is accident-
prone and hates being the centre of attention. Viewing the world from
Reviewed By Jessica Lamb her perspective makes falling in love with Edward unavoidable. I have
to admit that as Twilight progressed I started to find her slightly too
It made me laugh when I read a review on Amazon calling Twilight ‘a obsessive, making it harder to relate to her. Luckily the growing role
masterpiece.’ A literary phenomenon is something Meyer’s series is of her friend Jacob makes up for her faults. He is a stereotypical, cool
never going to be. But the saga has taken America by storm; the newest teenager, with a disregard for the rules. He certainly adds a more comic
edition, ‘Breaking Dawn,’ selling over one million copies on the first element to the romance, which would otherwise get too much for even
day of release. The hype seems to have missed the UK, only recently the most hardcore chick-lit fan.
hitting the bestseller list. I, however, discovered the books early and
along with millions of American teenage girls and the middle-aged office As the story continues, Bella unsurprisingly finds that having a
worker I saw carrying the latest instalment at the station last week, I am vampire boyfriend is really quite dangerous. From meetings with other
hooked. carnivorous vampires, to accidentally bleeding in front of the Cullen family,
Bella’s close proximity to the undead starts to pose a risk to herself, her
The story follows seventeen year old Bella Swan as she falls in family and her friends, leaving to face some very difficult decisions. The
love with vampire Edward Cullen at her new school in the small, rainy saga is certainly not for everyone. The over-sentimentality means that
town of Forks. Whilst I’ll admit Meyer’s writing is not that of a classical anyone cynical about romance should avoid it at all costs. It is not really
novelist (in fact it gets worse as the series progresses), it is of little aimed at men either, though obviously I don’t want to stereotype. As
importance as she adopts the informal, chatty voice of her protagonist, for age, it is irrelevant. In fact, the majority of reviews on Amazon went
allowing for colloquialisms. And there is something strangely compelling along the lines of: ‘I thought I’d be too old for a book aimed at young-
about Meyer’s seductive, dreamy prose. I found myself falling in love adults... but it’s the best book in the world.’ It is aimed at teenagers, but
with Edward like a gushing thirteen year old. He has golden eyes, a is perfect for an easy, compelling read when you’re procrastinating from
mesmerizing voice, and silky white skin. He possesses incredible studying.
powers, speed and strength. He’s polite, courteous, rich, clever... And
don’t worry; he’s a good vampire. Along with the rest of his coven he The first three in the series are available from most bookshops for under
does not drink human blood. What’s not to like? £5 and Breaking Dawn is only a few pounds more.
(Not available in the campus bookshop) 25
Bonfire of the Brands by Neil Boorman
Reviewed By Rachael Fitz-Patrick

Bonfire of the Brands is a web-blog-turned-book which follows the journey of one

guy who decides, perhaps crazily, to live without brands and to literally burn them
all in a massive bonfire in the middle of London. On the surface this may not
seem easy, but when given a bit more thought it leads to questions such as: how
will he live without Tesco for food or Colgate to stay cavity free? The answer: he
visits local markets and makes his own toothpaste.

This book documents his initial obsession with brands, his counselling sessions
and the beginnings of his new life. He raises questions that made me look at
my own brand usage, and the complete power they have over us without us even
realising. For instance, when buying a bottle of water which do we choose and
why? Surely they are pretty much all the same give or take the odd mineral.
When two objects we are looking to purchase are the same, it is the emotional
attachment to a brand and what we think it stands for, that makes us buy one
over the other?

Neil Boorman provides the history of brands and how they first dipped their toe
into manipulation of the public and have never looked back since. He does at
times labour the same point, and some sections especially quoted articles I have
to admit I skim-read. However, this isn’t the anti-brand tirade I think he started
out to make, the book shows a journey that ends in general acceptance that
brands are a part of life and you need to keep your wits about you to make sure
they don’t rule it.

The Stag would like to apologise for an error in the last issue. The Review of Second
Chance By Jane Green was actually reviewed by Mariam Nasir.

literaturedeskstag@gmail.com
26
Film Get the popcorn ready.....
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (12A)
I have a confession to make and it is that I really
like David Fincher. I think he’s a masterful direc-
tor and he has a real competence when it comes
to filmmaking. He has made some really good
films, that are suspenseful, nail biting and in my
opinion, underrated marvels. Not least of all be-
ing Seven, which I have to be very honest, is one
of my favourite films. There, I said it.
I have a philosophy and that is, any film over two
hours has to tread carefully in order to justify its
running time. In other words, it has to maintain
our attention as an audience because a film over
two hours is longer than an average film. The
problem with The Curious Case of Benjamin But-
ton is not just because it’s overlong, it just says so
painfully little.

Now why is it someone like David Fincher has
gone and made this whimsical, snail-paced and
most of all, huge fuss of a film? Why does the film
take ages to say absolutely nothing? The best re-
view I have heard of this film is from Jon Stewart
who says it’s, “Forrest Gump meets (snore)”.
Adapted from the F. Scott Fitzgerald short story,
Brad Pitt plays Benjamin Button, a man who ages
‘backwards’ and, like with all these things, has
wild and quirky adventures. Along the way he trav-
els to Russia, Paris and he also falls in love with a
dancer named Daisy (Cate Blanchett). While tell-
ing this story (Julia Ormond given the most thank-
less role), an elderly Daisy is lying in her deathbed
in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. Low and behold,
she has Benjamin’s diary and we start to stare at
our watches.
To give credit where it is due, the direction almost
makes the film have some value. Only some.
David Fincher certainly knows how to organise a
shot and you can trust him to try and make a film
look polished. Also, the guys and gals at the helm
of the special effects department deserve every
award that comes their way.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is basically
a whimsical folly. Aside from the fact it’s too long;
it has many pretensions of preaching to us about
the ‘value of life’ or even how ‘everything happens
for a reason’. There is one moment where the bal-
lerina gets run over by a taxi, and that was the
most entertaining moment of the whole film...and
I was laughing. In short: it’s a film that aspires to
be something, but is nothing.
Ollie Sim
2/5

He’s Just Not That Into You (12A)

With a deep disheartened breath, I
think: here we go again. It’s always
the problem that when someone like
me comes along and trashes a ‘chick
flick’, women retort, “It’s because you
are male”. However, here is the prob-
lem, there were ‘feminist films’ some
time ago that were sassy, entertain-
ing, and also had a sharp edge. Let
me refer to you to; When Harry Met
Sally, Now, Voyager, George Cukor’s
The Women (recently remade, that
wasn’t good either). There are whole
back catalogues of ‘feminist films’
that are satisfyingly funny and full of
wit. Even I have a soft spot for Steel
Magnolias.
This, girls, is not good enough. He’s
Just Not That Into You is begging for
one thing and one thing only; your
hard earned money. In return, you
have two hours of horrible characters
and trashy dialogue. The two writers
of Sex and the City have written the
screenplay, and from that alone, eve-
rything falls into place. Believe me all
females out there; I’m on your side.
Please don’t see this.
Ollie Sim
1/5

filmdeskstag@gmail.com
27
Doubt (15)
Primarily an actor’s piece, adapted from the Pulitzer Prize-winning
play by John Patrick Shanley (who also directs). Set at a convent in
the Bronx, Meryl Streep plays a strict nun (we all saw this coming),
who suspects a fellow clergyman (Philip Seymour Hoffman) of offer-
ing wine to a lonely African-American pupil at the school. Amy Adams
also plays a young nun, who thinks she catches him in the act, al-
though somewhat resembling Audrey Hepburn in The Nun’s Story.
Vitally, because it’s a ‘Pulitzer-Prize winning play’, it says so much
about its roots in the theatre, and perhaps it should have stayed
there. While the camera is trying its best to try and have some filmic
credentials, it’s all too claustrophobic and staged. While the ideas are
there, I couldn’t help thinking I would have enjoyed this more in the
theatre. Still, if you want to see Meryl Streep give it some welly, look
no further.
Ollie Sim
2/5
Bolt (PG)
If The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is overlong, then Bolt
is just about the right length. Oh, and says more about the hu-
man condition (pun very much intended). The story centres on
a dog, Bolt, who is the star of a superhero franchise along with
his owner, Penny. One day, Bolt escapes from his compound to
try to rescue Penny from the ‘real world’. The only problem is
that he believes he has superhero powers, and that Penny has
been ‘kidnapped’ by the main villain from the show.
For what the film is, it is entertaining for the most part and it
has its funny moments. It’s certainly better than the most re-
cent Disney films, but what is lacking is most of Pixar’s charm
and wit. It’s carefree, it’s generic, it does not play on anything
new, but in the end it’s all you need it to be these days. I have to
say though (just a note), the hamster almost steals the show.
Ollie Sim
3/5

Milk (15)
Milk, one of the latest in a long line of films tipped
to win big at the Oscars come February, stars Sean
Penn as the charismatic San Francisco-based po-
litical activist who was assassinated by one of his
former colleagues and then-rival in 1978.
The film intersperses archive footage of the area in
the 1970s, together with a realistic modern-day rec-
reation of said locations. Along with these shots, the
audience is told the story of Harvey Milk, his politi-
cal beliefs (not prevalent until later on in the film),
his love life and how he came to be so passionate
about the issues he risked his life for. Director Gus
Van Sant, known more for his unconventional and
more indie films as well as a rather mediocre re-
make of Hitchcock’s Psycho in 1998, chooses Milk
as his first mainstream film in years and he has cer-
tainly chosen well, opting for a controversial subject
but treating it with dignity and the respect it rightly
deserves.
As the film progresses, outside interference from
various political parties threatens the gay commu-
nity in the Castro district of San Francisco where
Milk lives and works and an openly gay establish-
ment has been accepted. However, Milk remains
determined and understands the negativity from
rivals and outsiders is merely a result of their fear
and confusion.
The final third of the film tells of how his nearest rival,
Dan White, a family man whose own campaigns are
somewhat overshadowed by Milk’s building success,
attempts to gain voters. The two build a partnership
which both figures believe will strengthen their own
28
campaigns, and there are occasional scenes here
where Milk is portrayed as outlandish and aggres-
sive in his approach to dealing with fellow political
associates.
The kind nature of Milk is built-up well throughout the
entire film, he offers shelter to those in dire need, he
tries to befriend outsiders who see him as a threat
and Van Sant does an excellent job in picking Penn
to play the lead role, for he is an actor who naturally
exudes generosity and friendly mannerisms. Penn’s
final scene, that of Milk’s death, is fantastically ex-
ecuted. The entire scene is in slow motion and con-
veys Milk’s dying moments as a shocking turn of
events, the quick nature of the murder following the
earlier confrontation between Milk and White echo
the shallow nature of the politics on offer.
The aftermath of his death is fantastically portrayed
by director Gus Van Sant, who shows the thousands
of loyal activists who once gave their lives to Milk
through their over-eager protests, walking the streets
holding candles in memory of the great man. I found
this scene particularly poignant, for the realisation
of his widespread support was not obvious until
then, such was the magnitude of the moment.
Have you been to see a
Having been a fan of Penn’s for years, I was expect-
ing a brilliant performance. I was not disappointed.
film lately and fancy tell-
The film faithfully pays respect to the life of a man ing us what you thought
who risked his all to help others live their lives to full
effect, and is highly enjoyable to watch as well. about it?
4/5
filmdeskstag@gmail.com
Gran Torino (15)
Clint Eastwood brings a magnificent presence as a Korean War veter- image. With a climax that tears away from ‘The Man With No Name’
an as well as xenophobic crank. If this is the “last” Clint Eastwood per- image, you come to appreciate where the film’s heart is; and that’s
formance, you have to admit, it’s a great swansong to a persona that completely in the right place.
has been mocked for yonks. Unlikely as it would be in any ordinary cir-
cumstance, we root for the old codger all the way. Why? Because he’s Ollie Sim
Clint Eastwood, at probably his most meanest. However, his character 4/5
is as much a variation on previous characters, with a certain twist.

Clint Eastwood plays Walt who has just lost his wife, and spends much
of his time guarding and protecting his territory. That is until an Asian
family move in next door and he instantly takes a disliking to them.
What is also a problem is that an Asian gang invade his neighbourhood
and are seen as a threat towards the next-door neighbours and him.

To start off, it is obviously a B-Movie. Clint Eastwood has always has

his roots in B-Movies (Play Misty for Me, The Eiger Sanction) before he
directed the well-known Westerns we know today. It’s because of his
roots of being a technician in B-Movies of the fifties and sixties, that
he has become such an accomplished director. What is evident in this
film, as with most of his other films, is that he never fusses and he al-
ways cuts the crap.

Anyway, it is a vintage piece of work and it is sometimes a pleasure to

see films that are thrilling without being in anyway pedantic. Clint East-
wood as a performer takes it on the chin and in the wrong hands could
have been the average drama/thriller that would have wafted by. What
is interesting with Gran Torino is that it mostly achieves an anti-violent

Pink Panther 2 (PG)

Oh Steve Martin, what hast thou done to thy career? Seri-
ously, it is not funny anymore to see Steve Martin in grue-
some slapstick comedies such as Bringing Down The
I
House and Cheaper by the Dozen. I start to worry now if
it’s going to get any worse for Steve Martin. From my ex-
perience of seeing The Pink Panther 2, I seriously hope it
doesn’t.

As if the first one wasn’t funny enough, this one is like a

pillow being pushed against your face (and no kids, I’m
not talking about bedtime). Hopefully people will have the
sense of mind to take their kids elsewhere and the makers
SU R R E Y are
k, t h e r e
e fran
will get the message. If your kids want to see The Pink Pan-

u t t o b a n ge...)
(b
ther 2, then have them watch the trailer because the film
’ d c h
h ings I
isn’t any different. You’ll be saving money as well. Alfred
Molina, John Cleese, Lily Tomlin and Jeremy Irons need to
a f e w t
fire their agents.

Ollie Sim
1/5

Take part in the 2009 survey by visiting

www.thestudentsurvey.com 29
 Organisational Body BUCS Up!
By Tom Waller (Mens Captain)
On February 6th 2009, a team of fourteen
brave runners travelled the immense 550
miles via plane, train and automobile to
reach Aberdeen for the BUCS Cross Country
(XC) championships. The journey was almost
brought to an abrupt halt only two hours out
of King Cross, when the organisational body
BUCS thought it would be pertinent to can-
cel the event to the dismay of most of the
teams, who were either already in or travel-
ling to Scotland. In spite of this the majority
of the University teams chose to continue
their journey and organise their very own in-
ter-university social run and show BUCS how
XC should really be done.
After a good night’s sleep, Team Surrey trav-
elled to Balgownie playing fields in what can
only be described as arctic conditions. There
was plenty of snow on the ground and some
in the sky, serving the purpose of making the
run more interesting and providing plenty of
ammunition for an ensuing snow ball war.
Spearheading the organisation on the day
were the Universities of Aberdeen and Bir-
mingham, who manage to plot an excellent
course, giving a taste of what the proposed
BUCS course would have been like.
The run commenced with a barrage of snow-
balls (mostly thrown by Trung) with the front
30
runners taking off like gazelles and oth- 6 km Mens Run
ers travelling at a much more social pace. Runner Position Time
The course was extremely challenging with Huw Margetts 57 21:35
a number of massive hills (think outside Chris West 65 21:43
of Channies), with deep snow and mud all Jack Cooper 125 25:07
over the route providing plenty of opportu- David Williams 133 26:00
nities to sap some energy. Despite this, the Thomas Waller 141 27:41
course was exceedingly enjoyable and the Trung Nguiyer Le 142 27:50
huge university turnout created a fantastic Oliver Deavin 147 30:00
atmosphere. Rob Greenwood* 148 30:41
The standard of runners at the event was
very high with future Olympic champions
4 km Ladies Run
present from the large elite university run-
Runner Position Time
ning clubs of St Marys, Birmingham and
Anne Doyle 57 17:49
Loughborough. However Surrey held its own,
doing exceptionally well in the rankings; with Alex Gold 66 19:03
the men all finishing in the top 150 out of Rachael Openshaw 71 19:46
the 650 entries, and the ladies finishing in Adele Hug 76 22:49
the top 80 out of 400 entries, a massive
achievement for the club first year in spite The day’s festivities were followed by a night
of a number of setbacks. Leading the men of entertainment hosted by the University of
home were Huw Margetts and Chris West Aberdeen at Liquid nightclub. A mass turn-
with times of 21:35 and 21:43 respectively, out from all the running clubs, stilt and fire
while the ladies were bought by Anne Doyle dancers made for a memorable evening for
with an outstanding pace of 17:49 minutes. all of those who attended.
In support with photographic and video cov- It was a thoroughly enjoyable weekend for
erage of the race was Murat Badem who all those who attended and I would like to
also kindly volunteered to marshal part of wish congratulations to all those who ran
the course to allow smooth operation of the in what turned out to be a fantastic result
run. for the club. I would also like to thank the
chairman David Williams for organising an
amazing weekend and to the
secretary Solmaz Golchin for
ensuring nothing went miss-
ing.
If you are interested in doing
cross country or in running in
general the University of Sur-
rey Running Club holds regular
training sessions at Guildford
Spectrum on a Wednesday af-
ternoon (which are completely
FREE). The club welcomes
runners and joggers of all
abilities, for more information
about the club please visit sur-
reyrunning.com or drop us an
email at
surreyrunning@gmail.com
Surrey Reserves Come Up Smelling of Roses
By Rob Harrison ward Jim Salmon who was suddenly through Salmon shot narrowly wide in a great counter
on goal, he slipped the ball past the oncoming attack move. That was Jim Salmon’s (the Uni-
Surrey Reserves overcame Royal Holloway Old Holloway keeper with ease. versity’s top scorer) final act of the game, hav-
Boys 2-1 on Valentine’s Day in the top of the Surrey’s second came five minutes later. A free ing to leave at half time to go on a date with his
table clash at the Varsity. kick clipped into the box was dealt with poor- girlfriend. We are told it wasn’t really worth it.
The game started at a very fast pace with ly, again, by the Holloway defence. The ball The second half was less eventful than the
chances at both ends which was to be expect- dropped to Georgi Slavchev, Surrey’s Bulgar- first, Surrey put in a great defensive display as
ed from two very competitive teams. Surrey put ian brick wall, who fired into the roof of the net Holloway piled on the pressure. In the final ten
their wide players to good use, Jason Alawo to make it 2-0. Surrey looked confident at this minutes Surrey could have wrapped the game
had plenty of running to be done, along with point, though Holloway are top of the league up having multiple chances and a disallowed
Nima Aase who put in 100% effort despite hav- for a reason, they showed their spirit by piling goal from Nick Boutal. It was a great perform-
ing been out at Rubix the night before (that’s on the pressure for a ten minute period which ance by Surrey who have won every game in
for the benefit of Nima’s housemates whom he resulted in them pulling a goal back. A through 2009. Special mentions go to Slav, and Steve
had a no drinking bet with). ball from the midfield found the Holloway ‘Disco’ Cole, who put in great performances in
Twenty minutes in, Surrey struck first. Surrey’s number nine who was being tightly marked. He defence.
keeper launched a long ball up field, the two somehow stumbled through Surrey’s defence
Holloway centre backs both attempted to clear and tucked the ball under Jon Creswick.
but due to a lack of communication neither did, Surrey could have gone into halftime with a
the ball bounced through nicely for centre for- slightly more comfortable lead, however Jim

Ice Diving...
By Matt Head er, they did inform us that they had tried
to break the ice from underneath with a
Well it had been a couple of warm, dry, sledge hammer and couldn’t, thus advised
indulgent weeks off over Christmas, so us to plan our dive ‘very very’ carefully.
some people were itching to do a spot of To add to this they also mentioned how
New Year’s diving. In typical USSAC style ‘sharp’ the ice was, meaning we also had
it was an early start, meeting at the lockup to be careful with our equipment and dry
for 7.30 which is a frightfully uncivilised suits.
hour for a Saturday morning. Despite the I was at this point fairly glad I wasn’t going
fact that it was -5° and snowing, nobody in first, but three of our enthusiastic Ocean
had thought better of it and opted to stay Diver trainees on their first open water dive
in bed so we were off to a good start. After seemed to overlook the subzero tempera-
we picked up the kit from the lockup we tures and couldn’t wait to get in (Even with
made a brisk run up to Wraysbury dive cen- having to perform mask clearing!). After
tre which is a 15 acre lake near to Staines. the shock of the freezing water wore off
When we arrived all the jokes we had been the novelty of diving under the ice was
making about having to break through the quite fun and everyone present managed mh000016@surrey.ac.uk
ice to get in turned out to be pretty much to get in for at least two highly invigorating
bang on the money and the entire lake was dives........and all came out again!
frozen over, with up to an inch of ice cover- If you fancy hearing more interesting div-
ing the most part of it. ing stories and coming to get wet, contact Got a sports article?
one of the below and we’ll organise a try Then email our sports
The Staff at the dive centre did not see this dive for you!
as a problem and a handful of them suited editors
up and proceeded to smash up all the ice Adam S: Chairman - sportsdeskstag@gmail.com
at the side with hammers and clear most en52as@surrey.ac.uk
of the shallow training platforms. Howev- Mark H: Training officer –
31
 Surrey Spartians fight to the last
By David Murton
Treasurer Surrey Rugby Football Club

On Wednesday 18th February 2009 the University of Surrey Rugby

2nd Team played the best rugby to be seen in a long time, away to St.
Mary’s 3rd Team.
We went expecting quite possibly the hardest game of the season. The
game began with St. Mary’s dominating, and on the most part this was
how it continued, with them having most of the ball inside our half.
However, Surrey were resilient, and refused St. Mary’s any line breaks,
making every tackle count, so that St. Mary’s rarely threatened the
try line. Special mention of Adam Double has to made here, with him
making more than his fair share of tackles, and we even saw our very
own captain, Alex ‘Chunder’ Tsang, at scrumhalf making a couple of
tackles himself for once. However, after about twenty minutes of Sur-
rey holding off St. Mary’s, we gave away a penalty within striking dis-
tance of our posts, which St. Mary’s happily sent sailing between the
uprights, to take a lead of 3-0. We then started on the offensive our-
selves, and began to threaten to St. Mary’s with Nick Adebanjo making
some great scything runs from either great ball down the line, or from
near-perfect cross-field kicks from Sam Curtis. However this wasn’t boot. However the scariest moment for Surrey came when Dick of the
enough to allow us to cross the line, and soon enough St. Mary’s had Day, and captain, Chunder sent a quick overhead throw back in field,
another penalty, which they took advantage of to take the score line to nearly gifting St. Mary’s a try-scoring opportunity. Thankfully this went
6-0 going into halftime. Surrey’s way and the danger was avoided.
However the second half saw a change in Surrey. With the realisation As time ticked away and the clock hit seventy minutes, Surrey were
that we really could win this game, we started chasing every chance on the verge of winning, at which point St. Mary’s took the underhand
that came our way. This eventually saw us inside St. Mary’s twenty- action of bringing on a star fly-half, obviously from one of there higher
two, and then Man of the Match, Sam Curtis, took his chance, send- ranked teams. As Surrey was pushed back close to their twenty-two,
ing a beautiful grubber through the opposition line from 15 metres we saw the first of three drop-goals threaten the Surrey posts, which
out, only to collect it himself and to score just left of the posts, to the thankfully went to the left. However Surrey was not so lucky the next
wild jubilations of his team-mates. Matt Allen sent the kick over for the time, and with only three minutes on the clock, they were somewhat
extra 2, to take the score line to 7-6, and silencing the home crowd, deflated, but hoped to do the same in return to the home side after
which was an added bonus for those of us that had travelled to the the restart. Sadly, this wasn’t to be Surrey’s day, and St. Mary’s made
game. The game quickly settled back into the state of the first half of a resounding surge, to take another punt at a drop goal to try and rub
St. Mary’s with the ball, and Surrey making the tackles. Desperation the salt in, but thankfully went wide.
began to show, with the home team making ever more elaborate plays The final score line of 9-7 to St. Mary’s was an incredible achievement,
in a hope of reclaiming the lead, but which led to many handling errors but was felt to be an untrue reflection of Surrey’s performance on the
and penalties being given away to Surrey, from which we made back day. Next season we can but hope to make them regret this day.
our losses in field position due to Sam Curtis’s

32