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PETITION TO LEGALIZE ILLEGALITY AT THE LAS OLAS DRIVE-IN CAF

Honorable Mayor and Commissioners
Whereas, the customers of Las Olas Caf at 644 6
th
Street have been informally permitted by
the police power to park and/or double-park illegally in or by sixteen (16) yellow-curbed, No
Parking spaces beside and nearby the Caf for the last several years for breakfast, lunch, and
coffee breaks;
Whereas, those customers include employees of the police, parking, code compliance, and
sanitation departments, and employees of the towing duopoly;
Whereas, vehicles illegally parked elsewhere are regularly ticketed and/or towed, except for
city vehicles whose drivers are on official and/or personal business;
Whereas, the City of Miami Beach is a liberal city, and a Motor Unit police officer illegally
parked in front of the Caf declared that police officers are liberal when it comes to having
coffee, but that he would ask drivers of tall delivery trucks obscuring stop signs to move from a
corner to prevent accidents harming pedestrians and drivers;
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Whereas, a Motor Unit police officer seriously asked Whats the problem? when observing a
pedestrian dodging cars running stop signs, and loudly complaining about the congestion at the
Caf intersection;
Whereas, a police captain declared that there has been only one accident at the intersection
due to congestion, when a taxi T-boned a vehicle carrying tourists, and an ambulance had to be
called;
Whereas, at least one police officer asked an illegally parked driver to move when he observed
himself being photographed ignoring a dozed illegally parked cars around the intersection;
Whereas, a top code compliance official declared at a conference, held at the Cafe with code
compliance and police officers, an assistant city manager, and the only member of the public
invited, that there is absolutely no selective enforcement of codes in the City of Miami Beach;
Whereas, it is believed by the press and the public that the Caf is protected by the police
power from its customers being ticketed and/or towed if they park in the No Parking areas
around the four corners of the intersection;
Whereas, it is believed that the sidewalk caf coordinator allowed the former owner of the Caf
to set out, in addition to permitted seats, several unpermitted, stand-up tables on the curb
itself to serve drive-in customers, and that substantial concurrency fees for the previous
owners tables and chairs were waived;
Whereas, the approximate value of sixteen (16) parking spaces to the city if rented at $30,000
each is $480,000 per annum;
Whereas, the value thus been lost for several years is estimated to be four-million dollars
($4,000,000), the benefit received by the Caf owners probably not being reported to income
tax authorities;
Whereas, the Caf is so popular among city employees, tow truck and taxi drivers that in 2011
The Michael caused the city commission to present the owners with a certificate for their
longstanding contribution to the City of Miami Beach;
Whereas, the Cafs business would probably fail if it were not a drive-in caf with parking
spaces;
Whereas, selective enforcement of the laws is unfair, and something must be done to save city
officials from the appearance of impropriety and from making a bad joke of government;
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Whereas, it is said that law is founded on custom, and, when customs change, the law should
change accordingly:
Therefore I, The David, petition the mayor and commission of the City of Miami Beach to
legalize the illegality by enacting legislation including but not limited to the following
provisions:
a. Charge the Las Olas Drive-In Caf owners a nominal total fee of $30,000 fee for a total of
eight (8) parking spaces, selected by the traffic authorities after examining safety concerns;
b. Cause the traffic authorities to authorize the installation of four-way stop lights at the
intersection, and have them installed forthwith;
c. Paint the yellow curbs with another distinctive color to indicate they are for Caf customers
during its open hours, and erect signs accordingly, e.g. For Las Olas Caf Customers Only
during the hours, the Caf to bear the cost of the improvements;
d. Mandate that the Las Olas Caf to do business as The Las Olas Drive-In Caf.
Petitioned on this 22
nd
day of May CE 2014
THE DAVID
EXHIBITS

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(an argument over illegal double-parking rights)

Word on street before caf changed hands: If you want something fixed with the cops or compliance,
ask Vincent. Ask about his fight with the Bamboo Club over free parking space.