Republic of the Philippines

Ifugao State University

Main Campus, Nayon, Lamut, Ifugao
Master of Arts in Nursing
POSITION PAPER
Are you better or worse?
In Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements in
Nursing Empowerment
ubmitte! "y#
"RI$I%%E &' "&M(N$)(%
ubmitte! %o#
CRIEL*( I' *&LN&(N, RM, RN, M(N
May +,, -.+/
ummer, '0'-.+12-.+/
Overly Strict, Controlling Parents Risk Raising Delinuent !i"s
Study Looks at Parenting Styles and Their Possible Effects on Kids Behaviors
By Denise Mann
WebMD ealth !e"s
#evie"ed by ansa D$ Bhargava% MD
&eb$ '(% ')*' ++ Many ,arents -ay think that taking a hard line "ith their kids "ill kee,
the- on the straight and narro"% but a ne" study suggests this is not al"ays the case$
.ber+strict ,arents "ho rule "ith a controlling% iron fist ++ "hile not giving their children a
chance to s,eak their -ind ++ are -ore likely to raise children "ho are disres,ectful and
engage in delin/uent behaviors such as stealing% hurting others% and0or substance
abuse$
1Kids dont vie" the- as a legiti-ate authority figure and are -ore likely to break the
rules%2 says researcher #ick Trinkner$ e is a doctoral candidate at the .niversity of
!e" a-,shire in Durha-$ The ne" findings a,,ear in the 3ournal of 4dolescence$
Trinkner and colleagues analy5ed data fro- the !e" a-,shire 6outh Study of -iddle+
and high school+aged students$ Students ans"ered three /uestionnaires during an *7+
-onth ,eriod$ 8uestions concerned their ,arents disci,line style% ho" they vie"ed their
,arents% and their history of delin/uent behaviors$
There are basically three ty,es ,arenting styles9
4uthoritative ,arents sho" disci,line but also so-e "ar-th$
4uthoritarian ,arents sho" a lot of disci,line and no "ar-th$
Per-issive ,arents sho" a lot of "ar-th and no disci,line$

4uthoritative Parenting :ets #es,ect and #esults
4ccording to the ne" study% authoritarian ,arents are -ost likely to raise children "ho
are disres,ectful of ,arental authority and0or engage in delin/uent behaviors$ Being
overly ,er-issive also has its do"nsides$ The key is to strike it so-e"here in the
-iddle% Trinkner says$
1The best a,,roach% fro- -y ,ers,ective% is to be an authoritative ,arent$ This -eans
have disci,line and standards for behavior and also sho"ing "ar-th and also being
rece,tive to a child;s needs$2
This starts by talking "ith% but not at% your child$ 14llo" your child to e<,lain their
concerns% an<iety% or ,roble-s "ith your rules% but this doesnt -ean you instantly give
in%2 he says$
Put another "ay9 =hildren should have a voice% but not a vote$ 1=hildren should have
the o,,ortunity to e<,lain "here they are co-ing fro-%2 Trinkner tells WebMD$ 1Listen%
but let the- kno" this is still not going to fly and tell the- "hy$2
Susan !e"-an% PhD says good ,arenting starts early "ith clear boundaries and
behavioral e<,ectations$ !e"-an is a social ,sychologist in Middlese< =ounty% !$3$%
and author of several books% including The =ase for the >nly =hild$
?t is i-,ortant to e<,lain to teens "hy you are ,utting a rule in ,lace% she says$ 14llo"
your child to e<,lain his or her -istake0error in not adhering to a rule% because not giving
a child a chance to be heard "ill ,robably result in the o,,osite of "hat you are trying to
teach$2
4lso% ad-it "hen you -ight have been "rong to increase your legiti-acy as a ,arent$
1This% too% "ill hel, increase your credibility% earn your adolescents res,ect% and ideally
o,en the door for hi- to co-e to you in the future "ith ,roble-s%2 !e"-an tells
WebMD$
Are you better or worse?
IN%R3*&C%I3N
%hrough the years, our community has change! gra!ually an! !rastically' %he
me!ia has ta4en o5er an! crept into young min!s of the generation ma4ing them easily
influence! to the pressures of society' %herefore, it is har! being a parent in these 4in!s
of situations, especially when your 4i!s !on6t always respon! to what you65e wishe!'
ometimes being strict may seem li4e the only thing to !o, but is that really the right or
easiest action to ta4e7 ome 4i!s may respon! better to tighter rules an! regulations in
the househol!, but on the other han!, being 4ept on a tighter control may cause 4i!s to
rebel or protest of their restrictions'
)owe5er, if you8re a parent, you get plenty of suggestions on how to raise your
own 4i!' From e9perts to other parents, people are always rea!y to offer a!5ice' %ips,
parents8 sur5i5al gui!es, !os, !on8ts, shoul! an! shoul!n6t, new ones always come out
!aily' %he truth is there is more than one right way to be a goo! parent'
"3*0
%here are lots of arguments when we tal4 about being a parent an! raising a 4i!,
so my argument woul! be !o strict parents raise better 4i!s7 3r !o parents who gi5e
their 4i!s more free!om pro!uce more successful 4i!s7
E5ery parent has !ifferent e9pectations for their 4i!s, an! therefore e5ery 4i!
!e5elops an! matures in their own unique way' )owe5er, it is a common wish among
parents that their 4i!s grow up to be respectful, successful, compassionate, an! sensible
in!i5i!uals who can contribute to an! benefit from to!ay6s society'
Parents who engage in being strict may ha5e goo! intentions: howe5er, they
shoul! be aware of possible long2term complications' In an article that I ha5e rea!, ;%he
Psychological Effects of trict an! 35erprotecti5e Parents by "ren!a cotts!ale,< it
state! there that parents who are too strict !on6t gi5e chil!ren the opportunity to ma4e
their own mista4es' %he article also mentione! four effects of being strict, !elinquency,
!epen!ency, poor self2esteem an! relationship harmony'
Delin/uency
?n -eta+analysis of research into ,arenting styles% entitled% @The #elationshi,
Bet"een Parenting and Delin/uency9 4 Meta+analysis@ and ,ublished in the
3ournal of 4bnor-al =hild Psychology% authors re,ort that a ,sychologically
controlling ,arenting style "as strongly associated "ith childhood anti+social
behavior and delin/uency$ The effect "as strongest for ,arents "ho co-bined a
controlling style "ith neglect% hostility or reAection$ >ver,rotective ,arenting "as
-oderately associated "ith childhood delin/uency$ By contrast% the authors
re,orted that a -oderate level of -onitoring and consistent% reasonable
disci,linary li-its "ere correlated "ith lo" levels of delin/uency$
De,endency
4uthor David Pi-entel% Ph$D$% "rites that '*st century ,arenting trends favor an
over,rotective ,arenting style% based on adults; unfounded fears of the dangers
faced by their children% as fueled by the -edia$ The children of over,rotective%
rigid ,arents fail to syste-atically learn fro- their -istakes and% therefore% fail to
beco-e inde,endent$ The stereoty,e is an i--ature adult "ho defers to his
,arents for even basic decision -aking and continues to live at ho-e "ell into
his adulthood$
Poor Self+Estee-
When these de,endent adults atte-,t ne" tasks% they tend to fail because they
have not develo,ed funda-ental skills as children$ This lack of co-,etency
leads to feelings of ,oor self+estee-% lack of self+confidence and increased
de,endency$ Pi-entel notes that% in so-e cases% the children of over,rotective%
strict ,arents dis,lay an inability to -anage even daily stressors% have ,oor ti-e
-anage-ent skills% lack of creativity and fail to enAoy ne" e<,eriences$
#elationshi, ar-ony
#uth =hao% Ph$D$% and Bivian Tseng% Ph$D$% "rote in their book @4sian Parents@
that children raised by over,rotective% strict ,arents re,ort having trouble as
adults in -aintaining har-onious relationshi,s$ So-e of these children% for
e<a-,le% "ere still giving large su-s of -oney to their ,arents% "hich interferes
"ith their ability to contribute financially to their o"n nuclear fa-ilies$ >thers
could not -ake decisions in their o"n -arriages% instead deferring for their
,arents to -ake life+changing decisions for their o"n fa-ilies$
In my own opinion, these effects are true'
ometimes e9treme strictness of parents is robbing 4i!s off their chil!hoo!' For
instance, a parent wants his 4i! to be as bright as Einstein: so he ma4es his 4i!6s !aily
routine tightly structure!' )e in5ol5es the 4i! with countless bac42to2bac4 acti5ities'
(si!e from that, he always re=ects his 4i!6s efforts in or!er to push him towar!s
perfection' )e always =u!ges him negati5ely an! he !oesn6t appreciate the efforts of his
4i!' (s a result, he may be !amaging his 4i!6s self2perception an! from my obser5ation,
a 4i! whose parents who constantly =u!ge him negati5ely an! are always telling him that
he nee!s to !o better can6t really !e5elop a goo! sense of self2worth' %his will also affect
the 4i! when he becomes an a!ult, the 4i! will ha5e only a few fon! memories of being a
little boy>girl'
3ne thing more, it6s usually strict parents who practice punishment' Consistent
punishment, e5en if it6s =ust restriction, it can ha5e a re5erse effect' %he results woul! be
the 4i! may =ust become fearful an! with!raw from all acti5ities an! contact with el!ers,
or the 4i! coul! go out an! start to parta4e in strange beha5ior' %he more a parent
a!ministers punishment, the more rebellious a 4i! coul! become'
3n the other han!, if you practice being 5ery permissi5e wherein you allow your
4i!s to !o as they wish with little !iscipline, you may =ust not min! spoiling your 4i!s'
ometimes parents who are permissi5e simply may not care what their 4i!s !o' %his is
not really the right way to raise 4i!s when they are young, because this will cause them
to thin4 they can get away with whate5er they want an! will ha5e e5erything always
han!e! to them' 3nce they enter a!ulthoo!, they might ha5e a !ifficult time a!=usting to
society'
o for me, I woul! prefer to be strict in a way wherein there is right balance of
!iscipline an! free!om' *oing it in a nice way while implementing reasonable gui!elines
but still pro5i!ing a warm an! nurturing en5ironment' (s a result of this, 4i!s will learn to
respect their parents6 !ecisions an! firm rules without the almost !ictatorship feeling'
Parental efforts !irectly affect the 4i!s an! so the parents shoul! be able to
manage their 4i!s6 beha5ior' Parents nee! to be encouraging an! supporti5e of their
4i!6s goo! !ecisions an! achie5ements, an! let them learn from their mista4es' (s
parents, our sympathy for 4i!s may lea! to a better un!erstan!ing between parents an!
4i!s an! help to !e5elop a healthier relationship as well as initiate successful beha5ior'
%reating 4i!s appropriately accor!ing to their age an! teaching them empathy an!
5alues will help them flourish socially more than anything'
C3NCL&I3N
From my obser5ations, being a parent is !ifficult, but it can pro5e to be 5ery
rewar!ing' Caring for an! pro5i!ing for a family all the while trying to 4eep the in!i5i!uals
intact is a stressful =ob' Parents are responsible for their 4i!6s happiness, security,
attitu!e, beha5ior, an! many other things' elf2esteem, performance in school an! at
wor4, an! social s4ills are all influence! by a parent6s 5iews as well' It is important to
apply the right balance of practices in raising 4i!s to suit themsel5es, their 4i!s an! their
lifestyle' It all !epen!s on what their 4i!6s best respon! to, for e5ery 4i! is !ifferent' "ut
what is best for 4i!s will hopefully become a uni5ersal perspecti5e for parents# lo5e,
compassion, support, trust, an! respect' )owe5er, no one can entirely conclu!e
anything about the final effects of raising 4i!s in society since e5eryone acts !ifferently in
the presence of others than they !o in the pri5acy of their own home' %he only true
e5i!ence that we can e9amine to ma4e theories is ultimately the 4i!s themsel5es as they
grow an! acti5ely participate in society' %he facts cannot hol! true for e5ery parent or
4i!, but what we !o 4now we can conclu!e from the ma=ority of functional families that
ha5e been stu!ie! throughout the years'