Im losing an opportunity to expand my knowledge.

This was the only thing I

thought about as I viewed the overflow of sixes and sevens in my seventh grade report
card. In that moment, I realized how I was drowning me on myself, how the same old
clich was embracing me. This was not my will; I did not have the desire of being
equal. I wanted to be different. The sweat of my hands was rapidly absorbed by the thin
report card, as the annoyingly serious and motionless eyes of my parents stared at me,
providing me the sensation as of a piece of useless creature. My mind shrunk, and the
sorrow fulfilled me. Reiterating in my mind came the words everybody spoke to me:
Enjoy your life; you dont know how lucky you are. By the hard way, this realization
now came to me. I was almost sure that yes, I could be smart, that I could become from
nobody to him. Within this perception, I asked myself, Am I capable of doing this?
Barely knew I that I caught the train in the last minute, since from that moment
onwards, my will and my dedication became the pillars of my sustain.
For some reason I cannot clearly explain, my interest in everything became
amazingly intense. Though my consciousness forced the interest the first several weeks
after the discussion with my parents, my questioning ability in all areas of knowledge
notoriously increased, having myself unconsciously question everything I was and was
not able to see. Though I changed in that period, the destruction was already done. In
three thirds of the semester, I could not do much to fix the overall grades. Due to this
late realization, various nights were spent with my eyes closed, but restless. I would see
other classmates receive congratulations, and I would just observe. I would ask myself,
Why not me? and have anger and envy flow through my veins. The second after, the
boiling blood became shame, since I already knew the answer. Instantly, my hands
would fill with sweat, but this time for the fear of never changing this hypocritical
behavior.
With this struggle chasing me, I continued to try, somehow, to change my path.
For me, everything became object of observation, even people, eventually leading me to
the abstraction of the human hierarchy and interaction. The reason for such study was
for the understanding of my need to change my intellectual development, seeking the
reason no mother, father or teacher had ever told me, the reason why the success was
needed right now. Since I am a privileged person, I live the contrast few others live; the
intersection of three social patterns: the wealthiest, top class people, the middle and
reasonable people (in which I consider myself to be in), and the impoverished, surviving
population, which unhappily composes considerable part of this country. Everyday my
return path home would be the same: leaving in the afternoon from one of the best and
expensive schools of town, Escola das Naes, interacting with individuals from the
highest possible class, I would barely remember where I have been. After, I would pass
through the local surrounding population conglomerates, viewing a particular chaos.
Once after, traffic jams conducted by the average people would capture me. I would
look out the window, and view emotionless faces, their eyes open but their minds
closed. When I was home, I would ask myself what made me equal to those people, but
also different. All three kinds of people had the same kind of problems, and that was
the point. I knew that, now I should be right where they were wrong, and the
opportunity was right there.
When the vacation came, my final grades were released, and the third and fourth
quarters became weak signs of my improvement. As the vacation passed away, I looked
back at my report card, and believed in change. As a whole, I may describe those first
few weeks as the days I took to establish my lifetime, clear objective: become one of the
best. I clearly picture myself, once again, sitting on my bed at my mothers house, left
speechless by the thoughts I have just had. The flashbacks of my previous school years
reproduced themselves in my mind, showing me the now disgusting personality: I was
only a spectator, a mindless spectator, where I could not absorb any of the others errors
and success. Forcedly, almost mute, I spoke, Everything will change. From now on, all
will be different. As I said those words, I was surprised with my own conviction. The
remaining restless days of my vacation, I used to review all seventh grade content;
being one of the only moments in my life, I could ever reproduce the metamorphosis of
anger into productivity.
I entered eight grade as a totally reformulated person. Instead of thinking about
knowledge as a disease, (like the majority of my classmates) I thought of it as a cure.
My focus on the academic assignment and lectures became my dedication, having the
results early presented: my average improved from seventy-six to ninety five. My
notoriety among the school community went from the son of Big Will to Gabriel
Williams. Aside from grades, the benefits would extend beyond the classroom; the
practical applications were innumerous, since my thinking was, for the first time in my
life, clear. This enabled me to achieve quicker and better solutions for my personal
conflicts, since that year was an exceptionally difficult time to pass through, of
emotional breakdown and of impoverishment. Overall, by the right actions, but mostly
for the wrong, it is now clear, that for every challenge, you have the solution but only
if you want to.


Only you can set you free.