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Marital problems

Taken from www.muftionline.co.za


Q: I am married and have kids. Throughout my marriage I had a lot of problems. I stayed because of
my kids. The issues were mainly my husband going out with friends and returning home late at night
and not showing us any attention. He spends a lot of his time watching porn and speaks freely to
women. What must I do I only cry and feel helpless. I want to leave. What does !ufti advise me to
do
": It is certainly sad to hear about the difficulties and hardships you are going through in your
marriage. However as a believer# you need to ask the following two $uestions: %&' (Is there any hope
for me in such a situation) %*'(If there is hope for me# then what does Islam command me to do at this
crucial time What steps am I commanded to adopt in resolving the problem)
The answer to the first $uestion is that there is always hope for a believer. "s long as one turns one+s
heart towards "llah Ta+ala and improves one+s relationship with his,her creator# one is sure to find the
divine help of "llah Ta+ala coming to one+s aid. "fter all# even the pious servants of "llah Ta+ala# the
"mbiya# the -ahaabah and the "wliyaa faced great trials and tests from the side of "llah Ta+ala.
.onsider the incident of Hazrat "asiya %/adiyallahu "nha'# the wife of 0iroun. "llah Ta+ala makes
mention of her in the Holy Qur+an on account of her steadfastness in 1een. 1espite the tyranny of her
husband 0iroun and all odds weighing heavily against her# she never gave up hope nor did she succumb
to the fitna. Instead she remained steadfast upon Imaan and she fulfilled what "llah Ta+ala wanted from
her till the end. Hence we see the honour and success that "llah Ta+ala granted her in the hereafter.
The second $uestion is that how should you be conducting yourself in the face of such problems# and
what steps are you commanded to adopt in resolving the problem The answer to this $uestion is that
you should adhere to the following guidelines in order to resolve the problem. If you follow the
following guidelines# we have hope that "llah Ta+ala2s divine help will come to you.
&. 3ou should improve your relationship with "llah Ta+ala and lead a life of complete submission and
obedience. If you adopt ta$wa throughout your life# follow the !ubaarak -unnah of /asulullah
%-allallahu "layhi Wasallam' and refrain from all things that earn the displeasure of "llah Ta+ala# then
the divine help of "llah Ta+ala will be with you.
*. If you so desire that your husband be faithful to you and he does not betray you in your marital
relationship# then you need to become faithful and loyal to "llah Ta+ala. 3ou will need to realise that if
you are involved in sin and disobedience# then how can you e4pect the divine help of "llah Ta+ala to
come to you and how can you e4pect "llah Ta+ala to turn the heart of your husband towards you
5. "fter your five daily -alaah you should turn to "llah Ta+ala and sincerely beg of Him to bless your
husband with hidaayat. There is nothing beyond the power of "llah Ta+ala. The Hadith e4plains that the
hearts of mankind are in the complete control of "llah Ta+ala.
6. 3ou should get to terms with realising that though your husband is not fulfilling his duties and
responsibilities towards yourself and the children# however this does not warrant you to treat him in the
same manner. If you continue to serve him with love# kindness and respect and fulfil his rights# perhaps
you will win his heart and this will cause him to realise his wrongs and reform his ways. 7n the
converse# if you lose yourself and act in an ignorant and irresponsible manner# this could only make
matters worse and will not bring any solution to the problem.
8. 9enerally in an unstable home where the spouses neglect their marital responsibilities and
obligations %or they are always fighting and $uarrelling with each other in the presence of the children'#
this reflects badly on the children. The children are not given the correct type of upbringing and
attention and are deprived on account of the parents+ marital problems. Hence the children grow up
with a weak resolve and with little determination in life. "t times insecurity is perceivable in the child
and at times the child loses hope and becomes a delin$uent in society.
:. 3ou should bear in mind that though going through the present situation is difficult for you# however
if you as a parent become more constructive and continue to fulfil your responsibilities towards your
husband and children and you invest your time# effort and energies in giving them the correct direction
in life# seeing to their Islamic upbringing and instilling Islamic values within them# then after a period
of &8 to *; years# "llah Ta+ala will show you the fruits of your efforts and the success of your children.
<. =ractise the following "+maal daily with your children:
/ecite some portion of the Qur+an.
.onduct ta+leem of 0azaa+il>e>-ada$aat# 0azaa+il>e>"+maal and ?ahishti @ewar for appro4imately &8
minutes in the mornings and evenings.
1o zikr of the kalimah# 1urood -hareef and istighfaar.
!ake a collective du+aa at the end of each session# begging "llah TaAala for His special help# mercy and
forgiveness for oneself and the rest of the ummah.
If your husband does not want to participate in these "+maal# then do not force him. We make dua that
"llah Ta+ala bless your husband with hidaayat and turn his heart towards you and the children.

"nswered by:
!ufti @akaria !akada
.hecked B "pproved:
!ufti Cbrahim -aleDee %Isipingo ?each'