The Wedding Rituals

Reception Ceremony
On arrival of the marriage procession relatives of the bride greet the procession warmly
and is announced by blowing a conch shell. The fathers of the bride and the groom
exchange jaiphal or nutmeg symbolising the solemnisation of the relationship with a
promise of a life-long friendship. The bride's maternal uncle has to carry her out to the
place where vyoog (rangoli, a decorative pattern made of colours). has been
prepared and where the groom is made to stand. The eldest female member of the
family or the bride's mother performs puja with lamps made of wheat flour and
feeds sweets to the bride and the groom and kisses them on the forehead. Two rice
pots are given away to the poor. The couple is led by the family purohit to the door. He
performs a small ceremony here called dwar pooja before leading them to the lagan
mandap.
Food served
The relatives and friends of the groom are served kahwa (tea) followed by a vegetarian
meal. As many as dishes are prepared for the guests. These dishes include, in addition
to the seven basic vegetarian preparations mentioned earlier, delicacies like kangach,
which is a rare and expensive dish; marchwangan pokore; madur pulao (a sweet rice
prepared on special occasions); and shufta, which is made from paneer, fried with nuts
and sweetened with sugar.
The wedding ceremony (Lagan)
The purohit performs the rituals in front of a sacred fire. For the first time the groom and
the bride see each other through the images formed in the mirror. After the groom and
the bride see each other they are made to hold hands of each other in a firm grip not to
get loosened with the passage of time. The groom holds the left hand of the bride with
his right hand and same is being done by the bride. Their hands are covered with a
cloth. This in Kashmiri is called Athwas. The priest rhymes mantras during the process.
A mananmal, golden thread, is tied to their foreheads. The left foot of the bride and
groom are placed on a kajwat(Stone pestle) or grinding stone. This symbolizes that the
bride and groom are embarking on a future as steady as a grinding stone. The
first phera or round around the sacred fire is made by stepping on seven one rupee
coins, putting always her right foot forward and at the end of the walk is being received
by the groom's father and maternal uncle of the groom receives Mam Nabat (some kind
of gift like clothes & sweets).There are a total of seven pheras. The wedding ceremony
is followed by a vegetarian dinner with rice by bride and groom (yes they are not
supposed to eat anything until the ceremony is done). The bride and groom eat from the
same plate.
Posh Puza ( Flower worship)
At the end of the ritual of marriage, saptapadi etc. the bride and the groom are made to
sit comfortably. A red cloth is placed on their heads, and then all the elder people from
brides side offer them flowers (posh) in accompaniment of Veda mantras. This is called
worshipping the couple with flowers. The rationale behind this custom is that the couple
is considered to be Shiva and Parvati and the two are duly worshipped. First there are
mantras for the bride and the groom separately followed by those meant for the two
jointly. We are of the view that marriage is a spiritual union between a boy and a girl and
they have to live this life of Artha (wealth) and Kama (desires) with due regard to
Dharma (righteousness) and aspire for Moksha (emancipation). The four together are
called Purusharthas. That is why the newly-weds are treated as Shiva and Parvati and
worshipped as such at the time of the Posh Puza.
After this the ceremony is considered to be over and both bride and groom can head
towards meeting friends and family members. After that, the leaving ceremony starts
where both bride and groom stand on the Vyog (rangoli) again. At this point the brides
mother offers some sweet to both of them as husband and wife. The bride leaves with
groom to his place (Vidaii).
Welcoming the newly-weds at groom's house
At the grooms place the groom's eldest aunt refuses the newly-weds entry into their
home until she is given some cash or jewellery. The couple must stand on a specially
created vyoog and have nabad (sweet), offered by the groom's eldest aunt or mother.
She kisses them on the forehead. The mananmal tied on the forehead of the couple
are exchanged. The aunt leads them to the kitchen where they must sit on the mud
stove (old tradition now it has been changed by using gas stove with pillows on it).
The waza (cook) serves them food and the aunt feeds them.
After the meal, the bride is now made to change into a new sari and jewellery given by
her in-laws. Ataharu, which consists of several strands of gold/ silver tassels are strung
below the dejaharu which she is already wearing, signifying that she is now a married
lady (will not be done in our case).
Post-wedding Rituals
Satraat
The bride goes to visit her parents in the evening of the same day or the following day.
Her husband and a couple of children, probably those of her sister-in-law, accompany
her. The parents of the bride give the bride a set of new clothes, utensils and some salt
and cash (as shagun). The groom is also usually presented with some gifts. The bride
and the groom change into new clothes before returning to the groom's house.


Roth Khabar (Traditional Kashmiri bakery product)
On a Saturday or Tuesday after the wedding, the bride's parents send a traditional, long
freshly baked cake (bread decorated with nuts), to their son-in-law's family. Then she is
given salt as shagun. In our case you can just get it in Delhi itself and give it to my
family before you leave Delhi.