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maybe forever…or maybe it’s

not
Jared entered the cafeteria in much need of a drink since people could be
so brutal and competitive while playing dodge ball. He took a quick glance at
the cafeteria and caught Caitlin Brenda’s eye in the crowd. Caitlin’s head was
thrown back laughing. Her blonde hair shimmered, and blue eyes’ sparkled.
Jared felt his heart quickens its pace!




“Lover boy, you gotta stop starring. You’re already turning pink. I never
met a sensitive dude like you. Ever!” Nate roared with laughter. I quickly
touched my face and felt the heat from the blood rushing into my cheek. Gary,
Hollis, and Frankie all noticed my pale skin turn to a slight shade of pink. I
wanted to go under the round table like I was 5 trying to stay away from a bully.
Yet I couldn’t help but glare at Caitlin, the one who actually made my heart
complete. Lissa saw me stare. I felt my face redden even more. I stood up and
made my way to the lunch line, remembering my thirst. I watched as Lissa
whispered something into Caitlin’s eye which made her turn around and took a
quick glance at me and whisper something back. I knew she was talking about
me so I made myself concentrate on the red wall, all the way on the far end of
the cafeteria right next to the doors that lead to the courtyard.

I quickly paid for my drink and went back to the table. The guys were
talking about the NBA match coming up; Nuggets against the Lakers. I tried
fitting in but my thoughts would beat them. I felt a shake on my shoulder.
“What do you think, Jared?” Nate asked.
Breaking away from my thoughts, “Um, completely agreed!” I replied trying to
seem as if I was with the conversation.
“Look at this guy. All he can do is think about precious Caitlin. He doesn’t even

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pay attention to his own amigos, and yet he doesn’t have the nerve to ask her
out.” He said. “Dude, if you like her go ask her out! If she says yes, well hip-hip-
hurray. If no well, best that you know how she feels about you than not at all.
Right?!” he said. It was true, if she loved me, it would make my day if no then,
well I don’t know.
“Okay, you guys win, I am going to ask her out. BUT no betting!” I said. These
people are the biggest gamblers ever. They make bets on everything. Whether
it is about people hooking up or who was going to win in the game or the
stupidest one who ever can figure out the color of Coach Richard’s face they get
the $50, stupid right!

I made my way to Caitlin’s table. Trying to think about how I will say my
words correctly. Caitlin stared at me. Her eyes were excited. I sat in the empty
seat right next to her, pushing the red sleeves of my sweater up.
“Hey Jared,” she said.
“Hello,” I said, I sound like a baboon, get some spine thinking to myself, “What’s
up?” I said, still sounding like an idiot. Talking to her was like taking Mr. Tasso’s
tests. Minutes flew by, waiting for her to respond. She looked at me and opened
her mouth,
“Do you want to ask me something?” she said. I ruffled my hair, suddenly
realizing that the whole lunch room was quiet. I turned around to see everyone
staring at me. I noticed that Nate was slapping $20 on the table while Gary did
the same. Idiots!
“Would you go out with me tonight?” I said shyly. Everyone, including me,
leaned in to wait for her answer. She glanced around the room. With a small
whisper, she said, “Yes.”

Everyone talked, and from the corner of my eye I saw Gary take all the
money, Jerks! I looked at Caitlin, watching her cheeks turn pinker.
“So, um, I’ll pick you up at 7?” I asked.
“Sure, that’ll be great,” she replied.

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I went back to the table, leaving Caitlin behind. The guys all looked at me
and laughed. I felt my face flush.

X X X

We were practicing for the upcoming swim competition. If we win we are off to
the nationals, which is two days after my graduation party.

Taking steady strokes in the water, nearly meeting the end of the lane, I heard
someone call my name. I stood up and saw Nate signaling me over. I swam to
him, when I reached him I took of my cap and wiped away the extra water away
from my face.
“Hey buddy, what do you need?” I asked.
“Nothing I was just bored,” he shrugged; I just looked at him and flicked his
forehead.
“So, what’s up?” I asked.
“Nothing really. How are you and Caitlin doing?” he asked, he seemed curious.
“Fine, I guess, why?” I replied. I felt a little headache staring. There was
something about Caitlin that was bugging me a lot. I couldn’t put my finger on
it.
“No reason in particular… When is Caitlin’s party?” he asked. He looked like
there was more to say but he kept his mouth shut. Caitlin’s party was on May
27th. I was going to give her surprise party. I told everyone to come.

“May 27th at 3:00,”I said.

“Um, dude, I got to tell you something,” he said. There was a short pause. My
mind wandered about the million of things he might have wanted to say. He
opened his mouth, about to speak, and then Coach Richard blew the whistle.
“REED YOU BETTER GET YOUR BUTT HERE NOW!!!” he pointed his chubby pink
finger at me, turning redder and redder. He told us he a swimmer too, but I keep
thinking whether he was drill instructor instead. Coach Richard will always have
on short khakis and a polo shirt with a navy blue cap. His shoes and whistle was

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the only thing that ever bothered me. The shoes would always squeak. When it
did it was freaking loud, I hated it.

I looked over at Nate, shrugging and waved. Caitlin started to enter my

mind, and I would always have constant replay of how she said yes to me in the
Cafeteria.

X X X

“Happy Birthday Caitlin,” I said.

“Thanks!” She beamed with me. Her blond hair was in a pony tail. “So what are
we going to do today?” she rested on the black interior looking out the black
window. She turned the radio on into a soft mumble.
“Well it’s a surprise.” I exclaimed.
“What about my gift,” she threw me off, so eager dang. I thought.
“Hold on,” I said. I reached to the back seat, digging for her gift. IT was hard to
find especially since there were CD’s everywhere, including keys, bottle caps,
and some other junks the guys left behind. I finally found it, the little black
velvet box. It was handmade, so it’s worth something.
“You want me to do the honors?” I asked.
“Nah, I will do it myself,” she grabbed the box from my hand. I felt a little …
weird.
She opened the box the box revealing a ring. It had a small diamond, with a
silver band.
“Wow, this is so beautiful!” She squealed.
“There is more!” I said. I took the ring from her. Showing her the little
engravings I made the jeweler put on the ring.
“To my Caitlin, I love you,” She looked at me and gave me a kiss upon my
cheek.
“I love you too.” She said to me. She looked at me.
“Okay now part 2 of operation Birthday,” I smiled, making her laugh.
“Okay,” she giggled.
“But before we do you have to put on this blind fold,” I took out a black piece of
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cloth from the glove compartment. She tied it around her face.
“Okay let’s go!” I put the gear in D and we were off.

Once Caitlin saw her surprise party, she gave me hug and ran off with her
friends. Nate gave me a smirk.
“So what’s up dude? I haven’t seen you, like, in ages!” he gave a punch in my
arm.
“Yo, I saw you like yesterday, you were talking to Scarlet at the Snack Shack!
Then you waved at me,” looking at him in disbelief. Gary walked over, his arms
around some girl’s waist. I gave a low chuckle.
“Guys I would like you to meet, Natalia. She is a foreign exchange student from
Spain.” He exclaimed.
“Oh em gee, you must so proud your first relationship, ever! You must be so
proud,” Nate said giving a goofy look. Natalia gave a small giggle, while Gary
tuned bright red. It almost seemed as if he was giving away steam.
“You’re goanna get it now Fisher!” He ran after Nate. They went racing along
the lake and running by a few trees there. Natalia went off after them, giving me
a little smile. I went over to the punch table, spotting Caitlin, Lissa, and some
other people. I made my way over. Lissa saw me approach and smiled, Caitlin
just kept talking. I put my hands around her waist, and kissed her soft blonde
hair. She didn’t even pay attention to me, like as if she didn’t even know I was
here. Something in my gut just didn’t feel right.

During the first week of our relationship we went out, kissed, hang out,
and acted like the perfect couple. I felt that everything in my life was now
perfect. Now though my Caitlin seemed to be a bit, umm, grating. She wouldn’t
pay attention to me for the last 2 weeks. I didn’t want it to talk about it; I didn’t
want to put our relationship in jeopardy.

I saw Jeremiah Surstien, call me. I looked to find him by his car -Mercedes
Benz SLR McLaren- signaling me over. I let go of Caitlin, yet she didn’t stir.
Jeremiah was a great guy, he was the best guy you can ever know, plus he gets
all the girls, loads of money, and well anything else a perfect person should
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have.
“Hey Jared, how’s life man, killer party,” he said smiling one of those million
dollar smiles.
“Everything good, wha’ ‘bout you? Didn’t hear from you since like forever,” I
replied back. It was true we hadn’t seen each other for a while.
“Everything’s great, I see you found yourself a new girlfriend. What is her
name?” he asked eyeing her. I noticed her watching us, blushing. I felt a pang in
my chest. Now she turns around!
“Her name is Caitlin, Caitlin Brenda.” I said looking back at him.
“I see,” he slid his sunglass on his face.
“So are you goanna hang around or go?” I asked, turning my attention to him.
“I guess, I want a beer,” he shrugged.
“Okay then go that way,” I pointed to him.

This is the beginning of my curiosity with Caitlin.

X X X

We were at the swimming competition; it was the last competition before the
Nationals. If we won we would be in the nationals, if not… it wouldn’t be the first
time. I was in the water; the whole completion was down to me. Everyone
depended on me to win this, if I make our team go to the nationals, it would be
the best thing that ever happened to us. Doing the 100 meter dash was hard
work, my arms began to sore. Then I heard Caitlin, “Come on Jared you can do
this!” with her voice settling into my ears it made every single pain in my body
vanish, all of my energy was restored just like in video game when you earned
life. I kicked as hard as I can, pushing the water behind me. All I could hear was
the whistle in my ear. I saw the end of the wall coming closer and closer, I
kicked harder and harder, just inches away, I took one huge gulp of air and went
straight for it, I heard the buzzer, and looked up. The board read 1st place Jared
Reed. Everyone screamed, I saw Coach Richards, jump up and down in
happiness, I saw the my teammate slap each other’s back, but most of all I saw
Caitlin smile at me, a smile I will treasure forever.
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X X X

After the last competition, everyone surrounded me, and everyone

wanted to be my best friend. It was cool for the first few days, but then it got
plain annoying. It was also getting harder and harder to see Caitlin now a day.
She is never is in the same place as I am in except school. When I did see her,
her attention was elsewhere, leaving me out in the cold.

I was in the Snack Shack; we were going to a party up in Fredrick

Santiago’s house. Coming to the Snack Shack was like preparing for the worst
during a tornado. My usual was a coke, skittles, and a big pack of Deli’s Chips.
When I went into the store, I saw Caitlin. She was sitting on the chair, talking on
the phone, I thought about surprising her until I heard my name.

“Yah I like Jared, but I …” she trailed off.

“I know but, there something about him that make me feel …I don’t know…
special,” she replied back into the phone.
“I know he has a reputation,” she snapped back. A reputation, I don’t have one
except for being a good guy. All of my thoughts started to trail, what in the
world was she talking about!
“Jared is awesome, but,” she paused, “Jared is so himself, and different. I can’t
take him, he is not my,” she got cut-off. I heard a weird buzzing noise, probably
someone yelling.
She continued, “Type… I just…” she trailed off.

It all finally clicked, I wasn’t her type, I was myself, and I was awesome. I
felt the bail build on the back of my throat, there was someone else, it was my
final conclusion. Before I can think anything more, it was my turn to pay.
“Hello,” he said.
Trying to disguise my voice in a deep voice, “Hello,” he looked at me weird but
shrugged.
“Okay your total is $4.87,”he said. I reached for my back pocket getting the
correct change.

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“Thank, have a nice night. Next!”

I still saw Caitlin on her phone, she didn’t bother to turn, my stomach did a flip-
flop, and my muscle’s ached. I knew it was the end.

X X X

Today is my grand graduation party. I am finally going off to the NYU and
leaving this old ratty town good bye. Then again I wouldn’t want to leave all the
friends that I have here, especial Caitlin… and Nate too, of course. Oh my dear
Caitlin… she broke my heart.

My house was filled with people. You can actually feel the vibration of the music,
talking and laughter combined together. I went through the kitchen and opened
the back door, to see many people in the pool, while others were surrounding
the patio table on the far left of the pool. I saw Caitlin talking to Lissa. Lissa
looked confused, while Caitlin looked pissed. I wanted to talk to her I have been
getting pretty curious; she has been losing my trust day by day. She wouldn’t
come near me. If she was near me, she would ignore me. After what happened
at the Snack Shack I felt the same pang in my chest from before.

I made my way towards her till I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder. I turned
and saw Nate looking at me. He looked worried, and depressed.
“What’s up Nate?” I asked.

He looked at me, “Nothing man … remember the day at practice before Caitlin’s
party?” I nodded in response.
He continued, “I tried to tell you something, but then Coach Richard made you
leave, remember?” I nodded again, recalling that day.
“Yea, um, about Caitlin you sho-,” he stopped, and then groaned because Lissa
came up to me.
“Um, Jared, be careful!”She said and ran off. With those sinking deeper and
deeper into my heart, I knew instantly that today was not my day. I looked over
at Nate, pity ran through his face. It was truly the end.

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I ran into the house, dogging everyone, and went straight for the living
room. The living room was packed, with people playing cards, watching TV,
drinking, and/or mingling. I saw Caitlin, she was looking out the window, I
walked towards her feeling as if time was slowing down on me. Caitlin looked up
at me and smiled. Her blue eyes looked gray, and her hair paler than before.
She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the center of the room. What is going
on?!!? Is trying to break up or say something else?! I was confused. What was
she doing, why was doing it, and why in front of all these people?
She yelled over the voices, “EVERYONE QUIET!” Everyone hushed down, not
sound to be heard.
“Thanks everyone, I have an important announcement to make,” she said. I felt
my face burn and my heart quicken its pace. I felt dizzy and every part of my
body ached. From the corner of my eye I saw Jeremiah smile, Nate and Lissa
looked scared, Hollis uneasy, and Gary and Frankie both blank. All of a sudden I
realized it was now and here that I would fall into misery.

Caitlin cleared her throat, “I want all of you to witness this moment!” He voice
had no certain tone to it yet I felt every second took an hour.

“I love you so much, baby, but,” that but took me off, “we can’t be together!”
She said it like it was disgusting word. Everyone gasped and I watched Caitlin
smile, and Lissa crying in Nate’s arms. I felt like I was going to have stroke. I
looked at her; I felt anger pulse all over my body. She went over to Jeremiah,
hugging her. I looked, without a word to be spoken. I worked up the courage to
just clap my hands. I clapped and clapped like it was a great scene in a film,
everyone looked but I didn’t care. Caitlin looked at me; I gave a roar of laughter.
And spoke, “Great Caitlin great. I am really surprised I have never expected this
I really didn’t.” shaking my head in disapproval.

“Get away from me,” Caitlin replied, clutching Jeremiah’s polo shirt.

“NO!!! You get out here, you son of b****. I don’t care anymore. I have been
suspicious about you ever since your birthday party, yet I didn’t think about it.

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You have ignored me, it didn’t bother me, you talked to me for a second and
walked away from me, it DIDN’T bother me! But know I see that the girl I would
give life up for, give her anything she wants, anything just walks away from me,
to go off with a snotty boy who thanks he is all that!” I laughed to myself as if it
was great sarcasm.

I felt Frankie walk over and whispered “calm down” I reply, “I will not
calm down, cuz that little bratty girl goes off with a guy I knew my entire life,
and deceived me. You know what I am actually okay wit this.” I paused for a
second.

“Caitlin would you ever be so kind to give me that ring I gave you,” in the
most polite way possible. She took it off immediately and threw it at me. I took
held the ring in my palm.

“I quoted the engravings on the ring, “’ TO MY CAITLIN I LOVE YOU’” Everyone

stared at me, some people hands were to their hearts, others glared at Caitlin
angrily. I took the ring into my left hand squeezing it till my knuckles turned
white and was screaming in pain. Jeremiah face had no expression what so ever,
it made me angrier I squeezed harder and harder. Hollis grabbed my hand trying
to make me break free of the grip –he won- letting lose the ring. It was crushed
but only slightly, and the diamond was still in place. I little bit of blood feel on
the wooden floor. I just looked at her.

Nate cleared his voice beginning to speak. “Caitlin get out now,” in a soft voice.
Lissa came over with a bandage.

“I don’t need to be here,” She snapped back, a little bit of attitude mingled with
her voice.

“Then get out! NOW!!!” Nate yelled out the last part. She and Jeremiah went
and everyone stayed silent. No vibration or anything shook me.

Nate spoke again, “Congrats to everyone, I will – we will miss you all! But we
would really appreciate it if you guys would leave.” Everyone got out the door
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leaving in files. The whole house was quiet, everyone left except my true
friends: Nate, Frankie, Hollis, Gary and also Lissa.

“Jared, are you okay?” Lissa asked. In response I just shook my head. I
flopped down onto the white leather sofa; Lissa sat down next to me and patted
me on the back. Frankie picked up the ring from the floor and examined it, he
tried to read the little engravings on the ring, but couldn’t it was crushed. He
looked at me ruffling my shaggy hair, and said “it’s okay,” in hushed tones.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, I took it out. The caller ID said it was

Jeremiah, Oh Please. Everyone came to see what the caller ID said. Lissa said
“No!” Everyone else said, “Yes!”

I shrugged, and touched the green talk button.

“What is it now?!” I yelled into the phone.
“Dude, I’m-m-m sorry,” he responded, hushing someone in the background,
Caitlin.
“For what huh?! Destroying me, or deceiving me, or even hurting me? Huh! Tell
me!” I snapped back.
“I just wanted to explain … that we… love each other.” He whispered back.
“All you care about is money, and how girls you can date, and how you can
destroy your used-to-be lifelong friend.’ I screamed back.
“I don’t care about that, you know that,” he said in sympathy. My nerves were
starting to get higher and higher.
“You know what, I actually don’t. In fact I don’t know anything about you, cuz
it’s just a big lie!” I snapped the phone shut. My anger was getting stronger and
stronger by the second.
“What did he say?” Gary asked.
I quoted his same words, “’ I just wanted to explain that we love each other,’”
saying those works made me even more mad.

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I got up, and headed to the door, I heard Nate call after me once I got into
the car, but I didn’t care! I didn’t even know where I was going, but I had to go
somewhere, I couldn’t take it no more.

X X X

I had no idea where I was, I looked over at the street sign apparently it
was 44th street. I looked out my window, there were a few shops, couple of
restaurants and a bar called Midnight. I got out of the car and headed to inside.
It was crowded, body against body, it smelled like smoke and beer, and the
band that was playing was singing something terrible all the way at the back of
the bar. I spotted the bar it was not far from me a couple feet to my left. I went
over to the bartender.
“1 beer please,” I asked.
“Sure,” he replied and disappeared under the counter. He came back within a
second, giving me the beer, It was cold feeling good going down my throat.

I asked for around 10 more, I felt dizzy at the 11th one. I got out of the bar,
feeling sick. Far across the distance I heard someone call my name. Well, I
guess my life is all planed out, it was wasted. I thought to myself. I fell on to the
ground, I don’t know how long I was their till someone picked me up, I didn’t
know who, but I was weak to open my eyes, it’s just like my future. Weak.



I found myself lying on my bed. I saw my mom looking at me, worried. I also saw
Nate pacing back and forth; Frankie, Gary, and Hollis were playing with cards,
Chinese poker I thought. I looked around, to find Lissa, but she was nowhere in
sight. Before I could make any opinions, my mommy spoke.
“Honey, are you okay?” She was worried. Everyone directed their attention and
came over to me.
“I’m fine,” I tried sitting up, feeling the pain. I let out a couple of oh’s and ah’s.
Nate quickly grabbed me.
“Man, take it easy, the doc said you should stay in bed for a couple of days.” I
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got confused but only slightly.

“Sweetie, you drank how could you? I allowed you to throw a party with
everything you asked for. Still you went out and had 15 beers and lying on the
sidewalk drunk. How can you do this to me?” she asked. She burst into tears
you’re not the only one I thought. Lissa came in, “Are you all right? We got so
worried!” she exclaimed. I nodded at her. I felt tired unable to move, I closed my
eyes, I almost forgot how to open my eyes.
My mom spoke, “Honey, get some rest we will talk about it later.” I closed my
eyes once again letting them fall shut, I drifted off to unconscious letting my
imagination run wild.

X X X

It was the nationals; so far our team is in second place. After the day with what
happened with Caitlin I have been grounded for awhile. My mom was worried
but glad I was alright, everyone else was happy for me and yet sad too. Almost
¾ of the school came today to cheer us on. My feelings after Caitlin left were
horrible. I couldn’t take it no more. Now and then I would think about her, I
would see her when I daydreamed. Yet I was upset nothing can concur that. It
was time for me to go and swim. I needed to swim as fast as I could to make our
team win. All the pressure is on me.

“Now Reed, I want you to win this, I want you to make us proud. WE need to win
this okay!” he demanded. I nodded in reply. I didn’t talk much either after what
had happened, I just nodded or shook, but nothing more.

The announcer called my name, to come to the starting line. I made my way, 4
other schools were here, Barkley school was beating us by a couple of points,
and I need to gain those couple points on our team play more.

The announcer said, “On your mark get set GO!!” He let the gun pop.

I dived into the water. I used every muscle in my body to help me go

forward. People chanted my name from every corner of the pool, I heard Coach

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Richards, my mom, even Jeremiah, what Jeremiah. When I turned to continue, I

saw Jeremiah, he was with Caitlin. All of a sudden I felt the emotion and images
flip back to a week ago. I felt the anger pulse more and more, I kicked harder
than I could have ever kicked. I felt sweat run down my forehead, even though I
was in water. Then I in my mind I saw, how Caitlin said yes to me in the
cafeteria. I stopped kicking, my arms stopped too, I stopped moving period. My
whole body went numb. I couldn’t move or say anything. I heard sudden
screaming, and my sight went hazy, I realized the pain was coming from my
stomach. I saw the water turn red. My eyes were unfocused, and my hearing
went faint. As my vision seemed to get darker and darker, I saw Caitlin holding
the gun.

--The End

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