Monica: So thanks for coming by you guys we just wanted to
bounce a few ideas off of you about the wedding ceremony. Rachel: (starting to cry) Ohh Ross: Whats the matter? You okay? Rachel: Yeah its just yknow Chandler: (!o "oss) #onica said wedding. Monica: $h so anyway we thought one of you cou%d read something during the ceremony. Rachel: Oh& ' wou%d %o(e to read a )oem. Chandler: *o you think you cou%d get through a )oem? Rachel: (crying) 't%% be a short one. Monica: Okay so "oss wi%% be doing the reading. Rachel: Ohhh Ross: Okay. Yeah ' guess ' guess ' wi%% do that too. Chandler: !oo? Ross: Yeah ' kind of uh ha(e something e%se )%anned for you guys. Monica: *o you mind te%%ing us what it is? Ross: Sorry 'm kinda kee)ing this one on the +.!. Chandler: We%% whate(er it is ' ho)e it in(o%(es winking. (Winks in a s)y,ty)e manner.) Joey: (entering e-cited) .ey& All: .ey& Joey: So ' just ta%ked to one of the *OO/ writers today and Monica: What is *OO/? Joey: Days Of Our Lives. 0nyway youre not gonna be%ie(e it& #y character is coming out of his coma&& All: Oh&& Chandler: !hats great& Joey: 0nd,and,and not on%y that 'm gettin a new brain&& Chandler: So great things are ha))ening at work and in your )ersona% %ife& Rachel: Wait what do you mean youre getting a new brain? Joey: Oh we%% theyre ki%%ing off one of the characters on the show and when she dies her brain is being trans)%anted into my body. Ross: What? 0 brain trans)%ant?& Joey: (serious%y) Yes its a high%y contro(ersia% )rocedure. Ross: 'ts ridicu%ous& Joey: We%% ' think its ridicu%ous that you ha(ent had se- in three and a ha%f months. Ross: (to #onica and "ache%) 'ts winter they are fewer )eo)%e on the street. ("ache% and #onica smi%e and nod knowing%y.) Monica: Who are they ki%%ing off? Joey: $h 1eci%ia #onroe she )%ays 2essica /ockhart. Rachel and Monica: 3oo&& Monica: Shes my fa(orite character on *OO/. Joey: 3ice. Rachel: She is so good at throwing drinks in )eo)%es faces ' mean ' dont think '(e e(er seen her finish a be(erage. Monica: 0nd the way she s%a)s a%% the time& Rachel: Oh& Monica: Wou%dnt you %o(e to do it just once?& ("aises her hand towards 1hand%er.) Chandler: *ont do it. Rachel: 1eci%ia #onroe man what a great actress. Joey: Oh te%% me about it. 0nd shes been on the show fore(er its gonna be rea%%y hard to fi%% her shoes. Ross: Yeah,yeah he%) me out here when you come out of the 4brain trans)%ant4 you are going to be her? Joey: Yes but in *rake "emorays body. ("oss %aughs unbe%ie(ab%y.) Why is this so hard for you to get? ' thought you were a scientist& Opening Credits 5Scene 67 8hoebe and "ache% sitting on the couch in 1entra% 8erk9 Phoebe: (1%ears !hroat) "ach so that guy there. Straight or gay? Rachel: (!hey both %ook behind them.) We%% ':d ha(e to say gay. Phoebe: Yeah? Why? Rachel: We%% main%y because he:s kissing that other guy. Phoebe: Oh no not that guy there. !hat guy right there. (8ointing to an attracti(e man sitting at a tab%e behind them.) Rachel: Oh yeah he:s too cute to be straight. Phoebe: (0 woman with %arge breasts wa%ks in the door) Ohh knockers wi%% he%) us figure it out. (She wa%ks by and he checks her out.) Rachel: 0%% right straight and not subt%e. (!he man gets u) and %ea(es.) Phoebe: Ohh he %eft his ce%% )hone. Rachel: Oh we%% we can hand it to ;unther and he:%% )ut it in %ost and found. Phoebe: Or we cou%d use it to ca%% 1hina. See how those guys are doing. Rachel: What if um if he ca%%s his own ce%% )hone to find out who found it and ' answer and we start ta%king and we fe%% in %o(e. ' mean wou%dn:t that be a great story? <ind of %ike a fairy ta%e for the digita% age. Phoebe: Yeah !hat does sound great. ':m going to get the )hone. (!hey both get u).) Rachel: What? Wait& Whywhy do you get the story? Phoebe: ' don:t know. ' ha(en:t been out on a date in so %ong. Rachel: 8hoebe you had a date three days ago. Phoebe: !hat wasnt a date& !hat was that was just friends getting together(=uiet%y) ha(ing se-. Rachel: Okay. Okay see? ' get the )hone. Phoebe: 3o way& 3o way& You !st broke with !ag a week ago. Rachel: Yeah& (>reaking u)) 0nd unti% now ' didnt think 'd %o(e again. Phoebe: 3ice try. Rachel: Oh hey,hey wait& .ow do we fair%y decide who gets the )hone? Phoebe: ' dont know. (!hey edge c%oser to the )hone on the tab%e.) Rachel: We%% umm maybe we cou%d uhh (;rabs the )hone) 0h,ha& !oo s%ow&& (She ho%ds the )hone out and starts taunting 8hoebe. 8hoebe ca%ming knocks the )hone out of "ache%s hand and catches it.) Phoebe: 0h,ha& !oo cocky& 5Scene ?7 Si%(ercu) Studios 2oey is watching 2essica /ockhart )erform a scene.9 "ina: 'm going to kee) dating him #other and theres nothing you can do about it& Jessica #oc$hart: Oh yes there is& "ina: What are you going to do? <i%% him? /ike you did with 1har%es?& Jessica #oc$hart: (gas)s) !hat was an accident& 0nd so were you. "ina: We%% at %east 'm not a murderer& (2essica s%a)s her.) Jessica #oc$hart: (crying) Oh my baby& (.ugs *ina but mo(es *inas head to her other shou%der so that shes the on%y one in the )icture.) The "irector: 1ut& (2oey wa%ks u) to 1eci%ia #onroe who )%ays 2essica.) Joey: !hat was a great scene& 0nd,and,and that s%a) %ooks so rea%& .ow do you do that? Cecilia: Oh just years of e-)erience. "ina: (crying) 1an ' get some ice here?& Joey: Oh anyway ' just wanted to say how wonderfu% ' think you are. Cecilia: Youre not the fan whos dying are you? Joey: Say what? Cecilia: 'm su))osed to meet and hug a fan whose dying but thats not su))osed to be unti% (to no one in )articu%ar) %ater& Joey: 3o. 3o 'm 2oey !ribbiani@ we did a scene together yesterday. ','m the guy in the coma& Cecilia: Oh that was a rea% )erson?& Joey: 0n,an,anyway ',' just wanted to say that since 'm getting your brain when you %ea(e the show ' was wondering if there was any ti)s you can gi(e me Cecilia: ',','m %ea(ing the show? Joey: (=uick%y) ' dont know. Why? *id you hear something? Cecilia: Who to%d you that? Joey: Oh uh one of the writers. Cecilia: Which one? Was it ba%d or was it ta%%? Joey: $mm Cecilia: Yknow what? 't doesnt matter& >ecause it is not true& Joey: Okay. Cecilia: 0nd if it were true how dare you come to me ask me for ti)s about a character that '(e been )%aying for 6A yearsB '%% gi(e you a ti)& (She throws her drink in his face.) Joey: #s. #onroe (She s%a)s him) Oh there you go. (She storms off %ea(ing 2oey standing ne-t to *ina. !hey share a nod at the ferocity of the s%a) they just recei(ed.) 5Scene C7 1entra% 8erk 8hoebe and "ache% are sti%% arguing o(er the )hone.9 Rachel: 3o 8hoebe& You cannot get the )hone that way@ thats not fair& Okay %ook ' ha(e an idea. Why dont we why dont we see what kind of number he has on his s)eed dia% and then from that we can te%% who has more in common with him. 0nd then whoe(er does gets the )hone. Phoebe: Or we can decide by whose e(er name is c%oser to the word )hone. Rachel: ' dont think so. Phoebe: (handing "ache% the )hone) Dine a%% right but 'd bet youd be singing another tune if we were fighting o(er a ratchet. Rachel: (checking the s)eed dia%) 0%% right first name on the s)eed dia% is mom. Phoebe: Ohh ' %ost my mom to suicide. Rachel: Okay no way you cannot use that to get the cute guy and the %ast b%ueberry muffin. Phoebe: *id ' use that a%ready today? 'm sorry. Rachel: Yes okay. (1hecking the s)eed dia% again.) We%% now see this isnt te%%ing us anything. ("eading the s)eed dia%) 2oe. Yoga >en. Phoebe: Wait Yoga& ' do Yoga& !hat:s one for me. Rachel: 0%% right. Oh so c%ose. 'f on%y it said yogurt. *a(id. 8eter. Ooh& 8eter /uger& !hat:s a steak house& Phoebe: Okay a meat eater. Dine thats one for you. Rachel: (%ooking at the s)eed dia%) Oh ' win& .es got Barneys on his s)eed dia%. Phoebe: So you dont know thats Barneys the store& !hat can be yknow his friends house or a bar. Who has Barneys the store on their s)eed dia%? Rachel: (showing 8hoebe her )hone) .is new gir%friend& 5Scene E7 #onica and 1hand%er:s #onica and 1hand%er are eating %unch when they start to hear a horrib%e screeching noise. 't sounds %ike someone is skinning a cat.9 Monica: What is that? Chandler: ' think its the dying cat )arade. Monica: 't sounds %ike its coming from across the street. Chandler: (turning around and %ooking) Oh my ;od& Monica: What? Chandler: Yknow that thing that "oss was gonna do at our wedding?& .e was hanging out with me yesterday and he turned to me and said 4Youre ha%f Scottish right?4 Monica: 3ooo&& Chandler: Yes&& 51ut to "osss a)artment as he is )%aying the bag)i)es bad%y he turns the music )age. .es worse than that who%e keyboard thing a few years ago.9 Co%%ercial Brea$ 5Scene7 #onica and 1hand%er:s scene continued from ear%ier. !hey both get u) and mo(e to the window.9 Monica: 3o there is no way& 't can not be "oss& (She %ooks through the window and sees "oss )racticing and fumb%ing around with the )i)es.) $nbe%ie(ab%e& Why is your fami%y Scottish?& Chandler: Why is your fami%y Ross?& Monica: .e cannot )%ay at our wedding& ' mean e(eryone wi%% %ea(e& 't:%% be %ike when he ra))ed at my >ar #itF(ah. Chandler: /ook we can:t just te%% him no okay. .e:s )robab%y been )racticing fore(er. .e:%% be crushed. Monica: #aybe there:s some way we can te%% him without hurting his fee%ings. ' mean come on that is just noise& 'ts not e(en a song& Chandler: 'f you %isten (ery carefu%%y ' think its Celebration by Cool and the Gang. In the edited version, scene 6 and scene 7 are switched around. &5Scene G7 8hoebe:s a)artment 8hoebe is )utting out some Sunf%ower seeds as "ache% enters.9& Rachel: .i 8heebs& Phoebe: .i& Rachel: .ow are ya? Phoebe: ;ood. Rachel: $mm 8heebs remember when we were in the coffee house we decided that ' was going to kee) the uh the cute guys ce%% )hone? Phoebe: Yeah. Rachel: 0nd remember how ' said ' was going to kee) it in my )urse so that if it rang ' cou%d just )ick it u)? Phoebe: Yeah& Rachel: 0nd do you remember going into my )urse and stea%ing the )hone?& Phoebe: Ooh now you %ost me. Rachel: You sto%e the )hone& Phoebe: 3o ' didnt& Rachel: 3o? So youre saying that if ' ca%%ed it it wou%dnt ring? Phoebe: 3o. Rachel: $mm okay. >ut whi%e you dia% %et me show you the features of my new ringing handbag. ("ache% dia%s her )hone and 8hoebes bag starts to ring.) Oh it does work& ("ache% grabs the )hone and takes it out of 8hoebes handbag.) Rachel: 8hoebe& Phoebe: !hat is a different )hone. Rachel: Oh is it?& (She answers the cute guys )hone.) $hh he%%o? (On her )hone) Yes hi is "ache% there? (On the other )hone) Yes she is just one moment )%ease. (!o 8hoebe ho%ding out both )hones.) 'ts for me& Phoebe: !hat is damning e(idence. (!he cute guys )hone rings.) Rachel: Oh my ;od& ' bet thats him. #y digita% fairy ta%e is about to begin. ' wonder how ' shou%d be? Shou%d ' be uh ('n a se-y (oice) .e%%o? Or shou%d ' be (.a))i%y) .i& 'ts "ach (8hoebe knocks the )hone out of "ache%s hand catches it and answers it.) Wou%d you sto) doing that?& Phoebe: (on )hone) .e%%o? (/istens) Yes 'm the one who found your )hone. Rachel: 8hoebe& You cant do th Phoebe: (!o "ache%) Shhh& 'm on a ca%%& (On )hone) $mm we%% yeah you can )ick it u) tonight say H7?A? 0t,at my a)artment. 'ts umm its umm E #orton Street 0)artment IC umm and then maybe yknow after we can grab a bite to eat or whate(er. (/istens) Okay we%% okay '%% see you then. (/istens) >ye. (.angs u).) Rachel: You do know that ' wi%% be here when he comes o(er. Phoebe: Oh? 0nd how wi%% you know what time to come o(er? Rachel: You just said it& Phoebe: Oh. Okay we%% ',' was kinda ho)ing that ' wou%d justbe a%one yknow to think about my mom and her suicide. Rachel: Oh 8hoebe& Phoebe: What?& !hats the first time today& Rachel: Ohh& (J-its.) &5Scene K7 Si%(ercu) Studios *ina is at the craft ser(ices tab%e getting some food as 2oey wa%ks u).9& Joey: So you %ike the nachos uh? #yse%f 'm )artia% to "ina: (interru)ting) 'm IG. Joey: See you in 6AA?. (She wa%ks away.) Cecilia: (wa%king u)) Youre abso%ute%y right they are writing me out of the show. !hey dont know e-act%y when its going to ha))en but a))arent%y going to be (ery soon and thats it. Joey: 'm so sorry. /ook if it was u) to me you wou%d ne(er %ea(e the show. Cecilia: Yeah thanks. Joey: 3o ' mean it& ' cant be%ie(e they wou%d do this to you& 0nd to your fans& ' mean they are going to be de(astated& .eart broken& !hey %o(e you so much& Cecilia: Oh youre right. !hank you& Whats your name again? Joey: 2oey. Cecilia: 2oey we%% thank you. !hat is so sweet. Oh e-cuse me. (She throws her drink on a )assing writer.) The Writer: 't wasnt my decision& Cecilia: (to him) 'm ha(ing a con(ersation here& (!o 2oey) You were saying? Joey: $h yeah,ye,ye,ye,ye,yeB%,%,%,%,%,%ook the,the,the on%y reason that ' that ' came u) to you before was because we%% 'm rea%%y ner(ous about,about being you. Yknow if you can he%) me ca)ture the essence of the character. Yknow? .e%) me kee) 2essica a%i(e. 8%ease? Cecilia: 0%% right 2oey ' wi%% he%) you. 3ot because ',' owe it to this st!pid show but because ' owe it to 2essica. Joey: Oh thats great& Oh thank you so much& Cecilia: Youre so we%come. Joey: .ey& 3ow '(e been watching some ta)es hows this? ('n a >ritish accent.) 42essica /ockhart wi%% ne(er ste) foot in this )%ace again& J(er&&4 Cecilia: 's that su))osed to be me? Joey: Yeah. Cecilia: Yeah but 2essica doesnt ha(e an Jng%ish accent. Joey: (shocked) ' can do an Jng%ish accent?& !hat babys going on my resume& In the edited version, Scene 8 and Scene 9 are switched around, with a commercial break after Scene 9. &5Scene H7 1entra% 8erk #onica and 1hand%er are sitting on the couch. "oss is sitting on the armchair.9& Chandler: We%% ' fee% %ike a snack& Monica: *o you want some shortbread? Jh thats Scottish %ike you are. Chandler: Oh no thanks. ' dont %ike any thing from my Scottish heritage. Ross: What?& Chandler: We%% its just my entire fami%y was run out of Scot%and byLikings. 0nyway %ots of bad memories. (#akes a few uninte%%igib%e noises.) Ross: Oh we%% it sounds to me %ike your fami%y is ready to uh redisco(er its Scottish roots. Monica: 3o& 3o,no theyre not. !heyre sti%% (ery angry& >ut yknow 1hand%er is a%so ha%f,Swedish. You know what the Swedish )eo)%e are famous for? Sitting down and being =uiet. Ross: We%% yeah,yeah the Scottish history is so much more Monica: (interru)ting) You can not )%ay bag)i)es at the wedding&& Ross: .ow did you know about that?& Chandler: We heard you )%ay a%% the way from your a)artment& Ross: Were you the ones ca%%ed the co)s?& Chandler: !hats not rea%%y im)ortant right now. What is im)ortant is@ whi%e we a))reciate the gesture we just dont fee% bag)i)es are a))ro)riate for our wedding. Ross: Why not? Chandler: >ecause we hate them. Ross: 1ome on thats not fair& ' mean you ha(ent e(en heard me )%ay& Chandler: We ha'e heard you )%ay. Ross: 3o you(e heard my )ractice. Okay? 2ust,just gi(e me a chance to )erform for you and then decide whate(er you want. 0nd 'm not going to te%% you what song 'm gonna )%ay either. >ut uh %ets just say when its o(er '%% bet there wi%% be a we bit o ce%ebration. &5Scene M7 Si%(ercu) Studios 2oey is getting )ointers on how to )%ay 2essica /ockhart.9& Cecilia: So the essence of the character is rooted in her confidence. So when 2essica enters a room for instance she owns e(erything and e(ery )erson in that room. (2oey is nodding.) You try. Joey: Okay& (.e scurries out the set door and re,enters e-treme%y im)ressed) 0%% right& Cecilia: 3o he a%ready knows that he owns e(erything in the room& .es not finding it out for the first time& So try it again. Joey: Okay. Okay. (.e goes out and comes back in g%aring at e(erything.) Cecilia: "ight. .es not mad at the room either. !ry it again he owns it& .e owns the room. 't is his. .e owns owns owns owns the room& .e owns it&& (2oey gets a snooty %ook on his face.) 0%% right its a %itt%e weird but its getting better. (2oey is )%eased.) Oh we%% 'm gonna miss this woman so much. ' dont know what 'm going to do& ' mean its been 6A years of my %ife. Joey: Oh we%%B.ey,hey& #aybe maybe uh maybe this is a good thing. Yknow? 't%%,it%% gi(e you a chance to shake things u) )%ay different characters. Youre so ta%ented. Cecilia: ' am. ' am but ' dont know you know. 0n actor of a certain age is not that easy. Joey: .ey thats not true& /ook at uh %ook at 0nge%a /ansbB 0nge%ina 2o%ie& Cecilia: ' )robab%y shou%d(e just %eft years ago when the offers were )ouring in but yknow ' just got so comfy here& 0nd Ohh ' turned down some amaFing work& Joey: /ike,%ike what? Cecilia: We%% %ets just say if ' %eft IE years ago the %andsca)e of #e-ican cinema wou%d be (ery different today& Joey: (im)ressed) Wow& Cecilia: >ut We%% now nows a different time for me. (Starts to cry.) Joey: Oh hey come on dont,dont,dont do this& $mm %ook %et,%et me te%% you something okay? 3ow when ' watch you do a scene 'm thinking 4>oy she,she is a great actress&4 (Shes not buying it.) $h but,but ' am a%so thinking 4She is hot&4 Cecilia: (intrigued) You think 'm hot? Joey: You own the room. (She smi%es and stares %onging%y into his eyes.) We shou%d )robab%y get,get uh Cecilia: Oh yeah,yeah we shou%d get the (8ause) So when 2essica kisses a man she usua%%y )uts umm both her hands on the mans face. (She does so.) Joey: Yeah,yeah ' noticed that& 's that Ncause shes so )assionate? Cecilia: 3o& 'ts because that way the camera on%y sees her& (She takes her hands off his face.) *o you wanna try it? Joey: Yeah& Okay. (.e )uts his hands on her face and they kiss.) Cecilia: !hat was good that was rea%%y good. >ut ',' think your hands maybe a %itt%e off they shou%d be maybe right %ike (She grabs the back of his neck and kisses him )assionate%y causing them to fa%% onto the couch.) Co%%ercial Brea$ ()cene * +ollows, 5Scene IA7 8hoebe:s a)artment 8hoebe and "ache% are waiting for the cute guy to show u) for his ce%% )hone. "ache% is )utting on )erfume by s)raying it ahead of her face and mo(ing into it. 8hoebe tries to stea% some.9 Rachel: .ey& .ey& (!here is a knock on the door.) Phoebe and Rachel: (simu%taneous%y) Who is it? -!y: .i& 'ts !om 'm here to )ick u) the )hone. ("ache% e-cited%y jum)s u) and heads for the door.) Phoebe: Whoa& Why do you get to answer the door? Rachel: We%% why shou%dnt '?& Phoebe: >ecause its my a)artment& Rachel: We%% then ' get to gi(e him the ce%% )hone. Phoebe: Okay. 0%% right. (.ands her the )hone.) ;ood %uck e-)%aining a%% the ca%%s to 1hina. (8hoebe o)ens the door and !om an o%der gent%eman with white hair enters.) To%: .i& Phoebe: (!o "ache%) Wow& .ow %ong were we arguing for? Rachel: (%aughs) Youre not the man who %eft the ce%% )hone. To%: 3o thats my assistant. Rachel: 's,is he coming? (/ooks ho)efu%%y out the door.) To%: $mm no. Phoebe: 1ou%d you,cou%d you umm gi(e us one second? To%: Sure& Rachel: We%% be right back sir. To%: Sure. (!hey wa%k into the %i(ing room.) Phoebe: Wh,what do we do? Rachel: ' dont know& Phoebe: 1an you be%ie(e this? ("ache% e-ha%es in amaFement.) We were waiting for a hot guy and then an e(en hotter one shows u)& Rachel: ' know& ("ea%iFes what 8hoebe said.) What?& Phoebe: .mm they just dont %a$e Nem %ike that anymore& Rachel: (turning and %ooking at !om again) 3o,no they do but you just ha(e to wait. Phoebe: "ache% %istenB' mean if you %et me ha(e him then ' wi%% really owe you one. Rachel: (fake disa))ointment) 0%% right. 0%% right 8hoebe ' wi%% %et you ha(e him but you owe me@ you owe me big& Phoebe: Yeah& Youre such a great friend& Rachel: Ohh To%: So which one of you %o(e%y %adies am ' going to take to dinner huh? Phoebe: Oh thatd be me. Sir. (.ands him the ce%% )hone.) 0fter you. To%: Okay. Okay. (J-its and 8hoebe checks him out.) Phoebe: (whis)ering) 3ice& 5Scene II7 2oey and "ache%:s 1eci%ia is entering the %i(ing room from 2oeys room fo%%owed by 2oey.9 Cecilia: We%% you certain%y own that room. Joey: 0ctua%%y ' rent the who%e )%ace and ' just got what you meant. !hank you. (She %aughs as "ache% enters.) Rachel: .i. Joey: .ey& ("ache% sto)s dead in her tracks when she sees whom 2oey is with.) Rachel: Oh my ;od& Oh my ;od&& Ohh 2essica /ockhart&& 'n my a)artment&& ' am such a huge fan& ' am such a huge fan& Cecilia: We%% its nice to know that you Rachel: (screaming) MON.CA&&&& MON.CA&&&& ("uns to #onicas.) Joey: !hat uh that is my roommate "ache%. Cecilia: Oh that e-)%ains a%% the womens underwear. Joey: (shrugs) Sure. Ye). Monica: (entering with "ache%) Oh my ;od& 'ts true&& Oh my ;od you are so amaFing& Oh my ;od can ' just ask you to do me oh just one fa(or? Cecilia: 1ertain%y. Monica: Wou%d you s%a) me? Wou%d you s%a) me right here in the face?& (8oints to her cheek.) Cecilia: 'd %o(e to but my %awyer said ' cant do that anymore. Rachel: ;od. You seem rea%%y rea%%y nice. Joey: Okay bye,bye. Rachel: ' mean n,not,not fake at a%% %ike most famous )eo)%e. Joey: 0%% right here we go. (.e grabs them and starts to )u%% them out of the a)artment.) Rachel: Okay. Monica: (breaks away) Oh wait just one more thing& One more minute& (!o 1eci%ia) $mm youre a stu)id bitch. Cecilia: ' rea%%y cant s%a) you. (#onica wa%ks away angri%y) Rachel: You are so beautifu%. Monica: 3ice to meet you& #y -od youre great& Joey: !hanks for sto))ing by. See ya& (!hrows them out and c%oses the door.) (!o 1eci%ia) ',' am so sorry. ' Cecilia: Oh no,no,no,no being adored. 'm used to it dont worry about it. Joey: (notices something in the mai% that "ache% brought in) Oh my ;od& Cecilia: What? Joey: !hey sent me todays scri)t& !hey ne(er send the scri)t& Cecilia: !hey dont? Joey: We%% no 'm just in a coma. !his must mean ' ha(e %ines& ("ea%iFes what that means.) Oh Cecilia: .ow does it ha))en? Joey: (f%i))ing to the %ast )age) Jw you get thrown from a horse into an e%ectric fence. Cecilia: 0h what?& 2essica hates horses& Joey: Yeah we%% 'm guessing after this shes not going to be craFy about e%ectricity either. In the edited version Scene 12 and 13 are switched around with Scene 12 bein the !ndin "a. 5Scene I67 #onica and 1hand%er:s "ache% 8hoebe 1hand%er and #onica ha(e gathered to hear "oss )erform his inter)retation of Celebration by Cool and the Gang on the bag )i)e.9 Ross: now remember you ha(e to imagine me in a ki%t. Rachel: (gigg%es) (!o "oss) ' can imagine you in a short )%aid skirt and knee socks. Ross: (!o "ache%) *o you wanna start te%%ing secrets? Rachel: 3o& Ross: (stands u)) 3ow umm remember 'm sti%% %earning. (0s he )re)ares to start he makes se(era% horrib%e noises that scares "ache% into retreat.) Ross: One two three four& (.e starts. 0nd we%% Celebration was ne(er meant to be )%ayed on the bag)i)e so e(en the best bag )i)e )%ayers in the wor%d wou%d ha(e troub%e with that )articu%ar song. So of course for a beginner %ike "oss it sounds abso%ute%y dreadfu%. !he assemb%ed audience minus 8hoebe are horrified. 8hoebe immune to bad music seems to enjoy it.) Ross: You know the song& Sing a%ong& ("oss resumes )%aying this time accom)anied by 8hoebe screeching out Js in tune with "oss. Whi%e 8hoebe is singing a%ong "ache% is ha(ing a (ery difficu%t time kee)ing a straight face. >oth "oss: bag)i)e )%aying and 8hoebe:s singing are shortened in the Jdited e)isode. !hankfu%%y "oss gi(es u) after a %itt%e whi%e.) Ross: So? Monica and Chandler: 3o& ("oss throws the bag)i)es down in disgust.) 5Scene I?7 Si%(ercu) Studios. 1eci%ia is watching the scene where *ina and Dredrick are ce%ebrating 2essicas horrib%e accident by drinking cham)agne on the monitor as they are shooting the scene.9 "ina: /oosening the sadd%e on mothers horse was bri%%iant Dredrick. 0nd the e%ectric fence ins)ired. +redric$: !hank you sweetheart. (!hey c%ink g%asses.) "ina: ' cant be%ie(e shes rea%%y gone. /ook around you a%% of this is ours. (!hey mo(e into kiss but@ theyre sto))ed by 2oey entering with a huge bandage wra))ed around his head.) Joey: (as 2essica) ' dont think so. "ina: Who are you?& Jessica #oc$hart: Whats the matter *ina? *ont you recogniFe your own (*oes a hair f%i)) mother?& The "irector: 1ut& !hat was great e(erybody& !hank you& Cecilia: (running out to 2oey) !hat was so wonderfu%& (.ugs him) Ohh ' think that youre a better 2essica than ' e(er was& Joey: Oh noo Cecilia: We%% of course not but you were (ery good. Joey: !hanks& Cecilia: 0nd guess what? ;ood news& ' got another job& Joey: ;reat& .ey& 0%% right& We%%,we%% what is it?& Cecilia: 0 fi%m in ;uada%ajara& Joey: !he air)ort? Cecilia: 3o thats /a ;uardia. (2oey nods in recognition.) !his is #e-ico. Joey: Ohh. Wow& We%% how,how how wi%% you be gone? Cecilia: Jight months. Joey: !hats a rea%%y %ong time. Cecilia: Yeah but you can come and (isit me. ' bet that you cou%d uh own a few )%aces down there. Joey: We%% ' te%% ya ' shou%d )robab%y buy a )%ace in the city first. ("ea%iFes.) 0nd ' just got what you meant againB!hat is B' te%% ya that is a tricky one& Cecilia: !hat is a tricky one. We%% 2oey ' rea%%y wanna thank you. You(e we%% you made a (ery difficu%t time for me a %itt%e %ess )ainfu%. Joey: ;ood %uck. Cecilia: You too. (!hey kiss and both )ut their hands on the others face %ike 2essica wou%d do.) To bounce something off someone Wink: blink To kill off: Knockers: com grande peitos Be out in a date: Brake up: Write out of something: Going on my resume: Go into my purse: To pick up: Grab a bite to eat: Come over: vir, proteger; hake things up: !ouring in: To run out of: ficar sem, esgotar "ou o#e me big