friendship

This leads to a sense of familiarity, which is expected, but it can also give a sense of
intimacy, even friendship, which is wrong, because whats going on here is not
friendship, although inside us many of the feelings that come from being a regular reader
of a weblog are the same ones we feel as we are developing a friendship, in the world
evolution designed us for. But this is not that world.
And with this comes a tough lesson, and unfortunately it seems, you only learn this by
living, television doesnt teach it, schools dont teach it, and if youre above a certain age,
our parents didnt teach it. You have to learn it by living, by thinking of someone as a
friend, only to find out they dont think of you as a friend. t can be devastating, know,
ve been there myself. But all the wishing, all the manipulation, all the determination, !ust
serves to push the would"be friend further away. Because friendship is something you
choose to do, you dont do it out of a sense of obligation. To force someone to be a
friend is to not have a friend.
ts not !ust something that happens with blogs, celebrity of any kind yields a false
intimacy, theyve made do#ens of movies about it. The star is ob!ectified. n the presence
of a fan, the star is not a human, its an ob!ect, it behaves the way the fan wants it to
behave. t signs the autograph, it smiles, it thanks. $tephen %ing wrote a horror story
about this called &isery in which the pro'''onist is bound, held hos'''e and tortured by a
fan. Theres an awful (e)iro movie, where he plays a fan whos determined to be friends
with a star, played by *erry +ewis. ts one of the few movies ve walked out on, its so
hard to watch.
learned a lot about friends when got sick in ,--,. learned that a friend is someone
trust to be with me when am at my weakest and most vulnerable. And they are people
who, no matter how painful it is to see, are willing to be with me when am so helpless
and weak. f would trust my life with you, and vice versa, we are friends. ts not about
whether you are trustworthy, or whether you are friendly, its the actual act of trust that is
the basis of friendship. f trust you to be truthful, then youre a friend. f find must be
careful how say things, then its something other than friendship.
.riendship is not a state of mind, its an act. ts something you do, its not about whether
youre good or not, its not a reflection of you, its a balanced relationship between
people. That doesnt mean its always balanced at every moment. $ometimes you /need
a friend0 and other times its the other way. ts a trust thats returned. 1hen was
younger and thought was in love, a friend said its not love unless its returned.
.riendship and love are not 2uite the same thing, although theres a lot of love around
friendship. learned that love isnt even something about two people, its a state of being
for one person. You arent in love, you are love. You are, whether you acknowledge it or
not. The heart thats pumping blood through your body is an act of love, ,3 hours a day,
whether youre &other Teresa or Adolf 4itler. 5$orry for the extreme example.6
Theres a world of difference between being a friend and being a fan. ve heard people
who ve never met say were friends. And then of course when do something they dont
like, ve betrayed the supposed friendship. Theyre living in a dreamworld. The more
popular my weblog has become the more people have this dream. ts very pu##ling to
be the ob!ect in the middle of this swirl of emotions, say ob!ect because my !ob isnt to
be truthful, my !ob is to be who you think should be. 7f course thats not friendship,
thats torture.
n 899: wrote; /1hen a friend changes you can find the bond thats connecting you at a
deeper level. The surface stuff isnt a good thing to depend on. <hysical bodies change
as they grow. $o do emotional bodies and intellectual ones. Take a deep breath. <eople
move, life is more like a wild dance than a ceremony. You !ust cant tell whats coming
next.0
$o if you find yourself trying to coerce someone into not changing, then dear reader, that
is not friendship, that is coercion