Cinderella

There once was a pretty 19 or 20 year-old girl named Cinderella, although I sometimes wonder how her
parents came up with such an interesting and exotic name. Reputable sources state that the name may have
been based on the English word cinder or the Latin cinis, both connotative of Cinderellas infatuation with
cleaning up cinders and ashes from the fireplace. Anyway, her mother passed away a few years ago, and now
she was living with her fathers new wife, who happened to be a haughty witch. Of course, as readers, we
should not question his taste or his mental disposition at the time of his proposal, nor take the label of witch
too literally. Just to make things worse, her new mother brought in her equally selfish daughters, named Jane
and Elizabeth. (These may not be their real names, but most other authors have felt it unnecessary to name
these two characters, which I personally feel are integral to the conflict and emotional journey of Cinderella.)
The stepmother (well name her Alison), and her daughters forced poor little Cinderella into servitude, where
she was made to do all the housework and chores every day and night. After she was completely finished, she
would slump gracefully (as any other 19 or 20 year old girl would) into the barren, freezing room that she was
designated. She would then sit very close to the fireplace where she would extend her fingers so that they
were just above the flames. You see, she was very curious, just like you and I are, of how long she could keep
her hand in the flames without them getting burnt. Thus, she ingeniously devised a system connected to her
iPhone (or any other phone for that matter), which utilised the camera inside the phone to detect how long she
kept her hand in the flame. Needless to say, her hands were very dark. Please note that Cinderellas cultural
background is not given, so if you take the above statement as being somewhat politically incorrect, that is
entirely your interpretation.
One day, out of the blue, the Prince of some kingdom invited all the young ladies in the land to a ball. He
obviously did not take any Enterprise Management classes at university, as he would have realised how
stupendously large the party would be. Thus, as expected, Jane and Elizabeth changed into a flashy outfit and
scampered away to the kingdom, leaving Cinderella behind. Obviously, she was quite upset, as she really
wanted to escape her world of misery. However, Cinderella requested a change of plot for this narrative piece,
as she discovered that the idea of escaping a world of misery had become a clich. Her real reason (she
says) was that she wanted to see the Gothic architecture of the palace in real life, and take notes on Corinthian
pedestals, a topic that would be in her final university examination.
As Cinderella began to cry, her Fairy Godmother magically appeared and conjured up a golden carriage from a
pumpkin, mice into horses, a large rat into a coachman and lizards into footmen. The Godmother then turned
her ragged dress into a beautiful one and her shoes into glass slippers. She also left with a warning that the
spell would be broken by midnight.
She then set off for the palace. As she walked into the palace, everyone became silent. They were, figuratively,
put under her spell. Two guardsmen smiled meekly, grimaced, and then suddenly proceeded to forcefully
remove Cinderella from the premise.
What are you wearing?! they stated. How can you come to the Royal Palace wearing nothing but rags and
broken shoes?
It was only now that Cinderella realised that she desperately needed a psychologist to cure her hallucinations.
She ran home, rang one up and immediately started seeing her (or him Frances is both a male and female
name after all). The step-sisters became a little bored at pushing Cinderella around, and both married into
snobbish families.
Now here is where I leave the reader to think of their own ending to this tale, but one could say that Cinderella
lived uneventfully for ever after.
Moral: Fairy tale endings simply dont exist.