Transforming The Inner Mother

Transforming the Inner Mother:
Become the Mother You Always Wantedto Yourself

B E T H A N Y WE B S T E R
A F R E E G U I D E

Bethany Webstei 2u14. All Rights Reseiveu. http:womboflight.com
Tiansfoiming the Innei Nothei: A Fiee uuiue.
1

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uevelopmenLally, our relaLlonshlp wlLh our moLher serves as a
LemplaLe for our relaLlonshlp wlLh ourselves. As female chlldren
we absorbed lnformaLlon abouL how she felL abouL herself, abouL
us as her chlld and abouL Lhe world. naLurally we lnLernallzed
Lhese bellefs and worldvlews Lo form Lhe basls of our very own
bellefs and sense of self.

"# $#%&'#( )* )&#%) *+&,#$-#, ).# /%0 *+& 1*).#& )&#%)#(
.#&,#$23
Cur Lask as awakened women ls Lo Lransform Lhe lnner moLher
wlLhln our psyche from a dupllcaLe of our blologlcal moLher wlLh
her human llmlLaLlons lnLo Lhe moLher we always needed and
wanLed. ln dolng Lhls, Lhe lnner moLher accuraLely meeLs our
needs and uncondlLlonally nurLures us ln ways our ouLer moLhers
may have been unable Lo.
"# 4%' 5#4*1# ).# 1*).#& /# %$/%0, /%')#(6)* *+&,#$-#,3
ln Lhls way, we become capable of accepLlng Lhe llmlLaLlons of our
ouLer moLher because Lhe lnner moLher becomes Lhe prlmary one
we can rely on ln ways LhaL perhaps we were never able Lo rely on
our ouLer moLher.

2

7+& 1*).#& 4*+$( *'$0 $*-# +, )* ).# #8)#') ).%) ,.# 4*+$( $*-#
.#&,#$23
AL a cerLaln polnL we musL face LhaL our moLhers could noL and
wlll noL meeL our needs ln all Lhe ways LhaL we needed and
wanLed her Lo. 1hls musL be grleved all Lhe way Lhrough. We have
Lo grleve Lhe ways we had Lo compensaLe and suffer from Lhe
moLher wound. ln Lhe process of grlevlng we have Lhe chance Lo
reallze LhaL Lhe facL LhaL we felL unloved or abandoned ln
momenLs was noL our faulL and we can sLop sLruggllng Lo prove
our worLh Lo Lhe world. ln Lhe grlevlng process, we can also have
compasslon for our moLhers and Lhe burdens Lhey carrled.
9#%$:'; ).# <1*).#& /*+'(= )&%',2*&1, 0*+& $:2# 5#0*'(
%'0).:'; 0*+ 4%' :1%;:'#3
1hrough faclng Lhls paln, we may flnd LhaL whaL we LhoughL was
our paln may acLually be parLly our moLher's paln LhaL we have
been carrylng for her ouL of love. We can now choose Lo puL Lhls
burden down. lnsLead of aLLenuaLlng ourselves ouL of gullL, we
can sLand confldenLly ln our bodles and hearLs wlLh a sense of
Lrue wholeness and self-love.
>0 5#4*1:'; ).# <;**( #'*+;.= 1*).#& )* *+&,#$-#,? /#
$:5#&%)# '*) *'$0 *+&,#$-#,? 5+) #-#&0*'# #$,# :' *+& $:-#,3

S

lL ls challenglng Lo admlL Lo ourselves where we felL unloved ln
our relaLlonshlp wlLh our moLher. We may recall seelng how
burdened and overwhelmed she was and we may have LhoughL
LhaL we were Lhe source of her paln. 1hls daughLer gullL" can
keep us sLuck. 8ecognlzlng Lhe lnnocence and leglLlmacy of our
chlldhood needs ls a way of releaslng shame and bapLlzlng
ourselves lnLo Lhe LruLh of our goodness. Cnce we flrsL grleve for
ourselves, we can Lhen grleve for our moLhers and for women as a
whole.
@&:#2 &#A$#':,.#, %'( ,)&#';).#', +,3
As women we can heal and glve ourselves whaL our moLhers
could noL glve us. We can become our own source. 1he collecLlve
female paln body" ls healed one woman aL a Llme. And as Lhe
female paln body heals so does Lhe collecLlve human paln body.
Cur own heallng ls noL only a glfL Lo ourselves, buL Lo Lhe world.
B.# 1*).#& /*+'( :, % ;&#%) *AA*&)+':)03
As we allow ourselves Lo conLacL whaL feels llke an anclenL,
lnexhausLlble hunger for an lnexhausLlble moLher-we blrLh
ourselves lnLo our Lrue ldenLlLy-whaL l call Lhe womb of llghL,"
an lnexhausLlble, overflowlng founLaln of love and abundance
LhaL ls noL dependenL on clrcumsLances or condlLlons. We Lhen
can llve ln servlce Lo LhaL whlch we Lruly are-love lLself.

4

B&%',2*&1:'; ).# C''#& D*).#&

E-#' ).*+;. /# %&# %(+$) /*1#' ).# 1*).#&F(%+;.)#&
&#$%):*',.:A 4*'):'+#, )* $:-# /:).:' *+& A,04.#3

MoLher/daughLer relaLlonshlps are on a conLlnuum, wlLh healLhy
and supporLlve on one end and abuslve, confllcL-rldden on Lhe
oLher end. We all fall somewhere on Lhls conLlnuum. uependlng
upon Lhe level of poslLlve bondlng LhaL you experlenced wlLh your
moLher, your moLher's volce may be Lhe supporLlve, nurLurlng,
comforLlng volce LhaL encourages you when you feel confused or
challenged. And llkewlse, you may recognlze Lhe volce of Lhe lnner
crlLlc Lo be Lhe volce of your moLher, causlng you Lo feel doubLful,
sLuck and llmlLed.

1here ls no such Lhlng as a perfecL moLher/daughLer relaLlonshlp.
And many women have experlenced greaL paln and confllcL wlLh
Lhelr moLhers.

Cur Lask as we heal Lhe moLher wound ls Lo Lransform Lhe lnner
moLher wlLhln us from a dupllcaLe of our human moLher (wlLh her
llmlLaLlons) lnLo Lhe moLher we always wanLed-%' :''#& 1*).#&
).%) 4%' %5+'(%')$0 1##) *+& '##(, %'( ,+AA*&) +, :'
2$*+&:,.:'; %'( $*-:'; *+&,#$-#, 2*& /.* /# )&+$0 %&#3

S

E-#' :2 0*+ .%-# .%( 4.%$$#';#, /:). *+& 1*).#&? :)G, A*,,:5$# )*
4&#%)# %' +'4*'(:):*'%$$0 $*-:'; 1*).#& &# $+, *#-*',3

1he relaLlonshlp beLween your lnner moLher and your lnner chlld
ls a conLalner LhaL supporLs you ln llvlng a llfe LhaL Lruly fulfllls
you. 1hls relaLlonshlp ls creaLed by havlng &#;+$%& (:%$*;+#, wlLh
your lnner chlld and by demonsLraLlng your ablllLy Lo nurLure,
llsLen and comforL her on a conslsLenL basls.

Cver Llme a safe lnner bond ls formed LhaL fllls Lhe gap of
moLherlng LhaL you dld noL geL from your own moLher. Cradually,
Lhls allows you Lo cease searchlng for Lhls love on Lhe ouLslde
because you are flndlng lL wlLhln. lL ls a powerful process LhaL has
rlpple effecLs on every area of your llfe.

@:-:'; H*+&,#$2 I#&1:,,:*' )* J*-# H*+&,#$2

WhaL many people don'L reallze ls LhaL whaL we really wanL ls our
!"# love. 1hls ls Lhe love LhaL ls Lruly lnflnlLe and wlLhouL llmlL.
1he reason lL seems LhaL we may be searchlng and longlng for our
moLher's love or approval ls because % 1*).#&G, $*-# :, /.%)
;:-#, % 4.:$( IEKDCLLC7M )* $*-# .#&,#$23

1hls ls a developmenLal need and when LhaL need ls noL meL ln
chlldhood, as adulLs we end up unconsclously pro[ecLlng Lhls need
onLo oLher people and slLuaLlons ln our llves, expecLlng Lhem Lo
glve us LhaL sense of valldaLlon, approval and love LhaL Lhey
slmply cannoL glve. 1hls can keep us sLuck and frusLraLed.

6

As adulLs, we can flnally glve ourselves permlsslon Lo love
ourselves. We do Lhls by flrsL mournlng Lhe facL LhaL our orlglnal
chance Lo geL LhaL permlsslon from our moLhers ls gone because
we can'L go back Lo chlldhood. WhaL creaLes Lhe shlfL ls really
seelng Lhe LruLh LhaL :) /%, '#-#& 0*+& 2%+$) ).%) 0*+ (:('G) ;#)
).# 1*).#&:'; 0*+ '##(#(. lL was slmply Lhe resulL of Lhe
envlronmenLal facLors LhaL were presenL ln your early chlldhood,
lncludlng Lhe lssues of Lhe adulLs surroundlng you. ?ou were a
chlld and had no conLrol over Lhe slLuaLlon.

D*+&':'; *+& I*/#&$#,,'#,, %, N.:$(&#'

1he way a chlld lnLerpreLs maLernal deflclLs ls Lo make lLself
wrong and someLhlng Lo lmprove upon. 1hls ls because Lhe chlld
musL preserve Lhe bellef LhaL Lhe moLher ls all-good and all-
knowlng ln order Lo survlve emoLlonally lnLacL. lL creaLes Lhe
bellef LhaL: 1here musL be someLhlng wrong wlLh me." 1hls
lnLernal message ls a survlval mechanlsm proLecLlng Lhe chlld
from Lhe reallLy of Lhe slLuaLlon, whlch could oLherwlse devasLaLe
Lhe chlld. 8ecause of Lhls early survlval mechanlsm, many of us
may unconsclously carry Lhls bellef lnLo adulLhood Lo some
degree, whlch can cause a loL of paln and sLruggle.

We dld noL have Lhe capaclLy Lo mourn Lhe slLuaLlon as chlldren
buL as adulLs we do and we musL, ln order Lo clalm and llve our
full poLenLlal.

7

lL ls an lmporLanL sLep Lo really allow yourself Lo see LhaL your
paln was never your faulL and Lo grleve Lhe facL LhaL you cannoL
go back and geL LhaL nurLurlng you needed.

ln Laklng Lhls sLep, you begln Lhe process of llberaLlng yourself Lo
become Lhe powerful, unlque, amazlng woman LhaL you are and
Lo llve your llfe auLhenLlcally expresslng your LruLh and your glfLs
Lo Lhe world.

1hls process can Lake a whlle buL lL works! 8e paLlenL wlLh
yourself. lf you sLlck wlLh lL, you wlll lncreaslngly feel Lhe welghL
and pressure llfL off of you and a new sense of freedom wlll begln
Lo dawn ln your llfe. ?ou gradually become free Lo be you, wlLhouL
gullL, shame or self-doubL, buL raLher wlLh clarlLy, confldence and
[oy!

H*+& C''#& N.:$(

?our lnner Chlld ls a source of creaLlvlLy, vlLallLy and lnnocenL
wlsdom. Many of us were re[ecLed Lo some degree ln chlldhood
and compensaLed ln some way by creaLlng a false self." 1hls false
self was Lhe self we had Lo show Lo Lhe ouLslde world ln order Lo
be accepLed. 1he parLs of us LhaL were re[ecLed wenL lnLo shadow
and remaln lnaccesslble Lo us unLll we reLrleve our lnner chlld and
creaLe a nurLurlng, safe lnner relaLlonshlp LhaL allows for our Lrue,
auLhenLlc self Lo emerge.

8

N&#%):'; C''#& L%2#)0

WhaL we call Lhe lnner chlld ls a real energy LhaL llves ln us
as adulLs. lf lefL lgnored, Lhe lnner chlld may sLlll be spllL-off
and frozen due Lo unresolved early LraumaLlc experlences.
1hls can cause us Lo unconsclously saboLage ourselves due
Lo unresolved bellefs and fears from early chlldhood.

8y openlng Lhe dlalogue wlLh your lnner chlld, Lhe lnner
frozen places LhaL keep you sLuck ln palnful paLLerns begln
Lo open up, creaLlng space for more fulflllmenL, [oy and
creaLlvlLy.

E8%1A$#, *2 O+#,):*', )* %,P 0*+& :''#& 4.:$(Q
Pow are you feellng Loday?
WhaL do you need from me ln Lhls momenL?
WhaL can l do for you rlghL now?
l sense LhaL you are feellng ______. Would you llke Lo Lalk
abouL lL?
WhaL would you llke Lo do rlghL now?

9

E8%1A$#, *2 %22:&1:'; ).:';, 0*+ 4%' ,%0 )* 0*+& :''#& 4.:$(Q
?ou are Lhoroughly good and wonderful.
?ou are lovable and speclal.
?ou are safe.
l respecL you.
l am so proud of you!
l'm so happy you are here!
?ou can do lL!
l'm rlghL here for you whenever you need me.
lL's Ck Lo have needs. l love fllllng your needs!
l love Laklng care of you!
lL's Ck Lo make mlsLakes.
All of your feellngs are Ck.
?ou can resL ln me.
1here's noLhlng you could say or do LhaL would make me noL
love you.

H*+& :''#& D*).#&

?our lnner MoLher ls your adulL self, wlLh all your knowledge and
power, supporLed by hlgher forces such as Lhe unlverse,
Cod/Coddess and hlgher self.

1u

As Lhe lnner moLher, you help your lnner chlld wlLhln you Lo see
LhaL Lhe pasL ls Lruly ln Lhe pasL. ?ou do Lhls by belng consclous of
your lnner chlld's emoLlonal sLaLe and maklng new cholces LhaL
demonsLraLe LhaL Lhe dangers of early chlldhood are no longer
presenL.

H*+ %, ).# :''#& 1*).#& .%-# ).# %5:$:)0 )* 4%&# 2*& 0*+& :''#&
4.:$( %'( A&*-:(# ).:';, ).%) 0*+& 1*).#& 1%0 '*) .%-# 5##'
%5$# )*3

Some examples:
o SooLhlng her when she ls scared
o ComforLlng her when you are movlng lnLo a new
dlrecLlon LhaL seems rlsky Lo her
o SupporLlng her by afflrmlng her worLh, value and
deservlngness
o roLecLlng her boundarles
o SupporLlng her ln her deslres Lo play, learn, explore
and grow
o Afflrmlng her goodness LhaL ls lndesLrucLlble no maLLer
whaL happens ln llfe

11

B.# :''#& 5*'( ).%) /:$$ 4.%';# 0*+& $:2# :' A&*2*+'( /%0,R

?ou move back and forLh beLween belng Lhe lnner moLher and
Lhe lnner chlld. ln Lhls way, you recelve Lhe nurLurlng you need
and you provlde Lhe safe conLalner LhaL you needed as a chlld.
Cne could say LhaL Lhrough Lhls relaLlonshlp, you creaLe a cenLer
of wholeness and safeLy wlLhln LhaL allows you Lo Lruly Lhrlve and
flourlsh ln Lhe world. 1hls relaLlonshlp conLlnues Lo deepen over
Llme and brlngs a greaL rlchness Lo llfe.

".#' 0*+& :''#& 4.:$( &#%$$0 +'(#&,)%'(,? /:). 0*+& .#$A? ).#
)&+). ).%) .#& A%:' /%, '#-#& .#& 2%+$)? % 1%S*& ,.:2) .%AA#',Q

1he prlmary aLLachmenL bond from shlfLs from Lhe llmlLed
ouLer moLher Lo Lhe uncondlLlonally lovlng lnner moLher.

?ou become lncreaslngly able Lo feel Lhe reallLy of your own
loveable-ness and re[olce ln your own goodness and value,
no maLLer Lhe ouLer clrcumsLances.

?ou are beLLer able Lo recelve love from oLhers because a
parL of you ls no longer lnvesLed ln seelng yourself as less
Lhan" as a form of belng loyal Lo your moLher. (WalLlng
lndeflnlLely for your moLher Lo show up ln Lhe ways LhaL you
needed her Lo.)

12

?ou are able Lo accuraLely see yourself. ?ou can see your
own faulLs, flaws or mlsLakes whlle remalnlng flrmly rooLed
ln your baslc sense of goodness and value. LxLernal approval
may come buL you no longer need lL Lo feel Ck.

"%0, )* 4+$):-%)# ).# <@**( E'*+;.= C''#& D*).#&

8y culLlvaLlng Lhe good enough moLher you are developlng a new
relaLlonshlp wlLhln yourself. ?ou don'L have Lo be perfecL, you wlll
make mlsLakes. 1he lmporLanL Lhlng ls LhaL you are wllllng Lo keep
golng! And every llLLle blL goes a very long way!

WhaL were some of Lhe Lhlngs you wanLed when you were llLLle
LhaL you never goL?

T, % $:))$# ;:&$? (:( 0*+ /:,. 0*+& 1*).#&RU

Lovlngly brushed your halr
Lald ouL your cloLhes Lhe nlghL before school
8ead you a bedLlme sLory every nlghL
1ruly llsLened Lo whaL you had Lo say
Console you and help you Lo bralnsLorm soluLlons when you
were upseL
ald for you Lo Lake muslc or arL lessons
Cave you loLs of hugs and was physlcally affecLlonaLe
Lowards you

1S

T4):*' ,)#AQ Make a llsL of Lhlngs your lnner chlld longed for from
your moLher and acLually do Lhem! 1hls sends a very sLrong
message Lo your lnner chlld LhaL she ls worLhy, deservlng,
lmporLanL and speclal. She sLarLs Lo see LhaL 0*+ are Lhe source of
love LhaL she needs, noL Lhe ouLer moLher who she's been walLlng
and longlng for.

T4):*' L)#AQ ConslsLenLly check-ln" and dlalogue wlLh your lnner
chlld:

o osL a plcLure of yourself as a chlld ln a promlnenL
place where you can see lL every day.

o ?ou can sLarL ouL small wlLh [usL a few mlnuLes of
dlalogue per day. (sllenLly or aloud)

o Speak Lo her as you would a chlld ln a nurLurlng, sofL
volce.

o LmpaLhy ls key. Lxpress empaLhy for how she has been
sufferlng and walLlng for moLher Lo change. Lxplaln
LhaL she no longer needs Lo walL, LhaL you are now
here Lo Lake care of her from now on.

o 1ell her how speclal, unlque, and wonderful she ls!
Clve her examples of her wonderful quallLles.

14

o 1ell her you are so happy she ls here! 1haL she ls allve
and ln your llfe! (someLhlng she may noL have heard aL
all as a chlld)

o CulLlvaLe maLernal compasslon and love for yourself as
a chlld. ?ou can do Lhls by fllpplng Lhrough phoLo
albums and admlrlng whaL an adorable, wonderful
chlld you were. 8eally look and sense yourself as a
chlld, how preclous and speclal you were.

o vlsuallze a beauLlful lnner place where you and your
lnner chlld can connecL and lnLeracL. erhaps a
gorgeous meadow, on Lhe beach or ln a safe home LhaL
ls beauLlful and cozy. 8eLurn Lo Lhls place conslsLenLly
Lo connecL, nurLure and comforL your lnner chlld.

o Lven when you are acLlve ln Lhe world a parL of you
can always be connecLed Lo her. She can always be
Lucked ln safely your hearL."

T, %(+$),? /# .%-# % ,#4*'( 4.%'4# )* ;#) ).#
1*).#&:'; /# '##(3

1S

"# 4%' ;#) ).# 1*).#&:'; /# '##( 2&*1 1%'0 (:22#&#') ,*+&4#,Q

o CLher people who are generous, safe and LrusLworLhy.
All Lhe love, klndness, respecL, LhaL we recelve from
oLhers can feed us and nurLure Lhe chlld wlLhln.

o Cbserve lovlng moLhers lnLeracL wlLh Lhelr chlldren.
8rlng LhaL lovlng energy lnLo yourself and lnLo your
relaLlonshlp wlLh your own lnner chlld.

o We consclously make new cholces LhaL we couldn'L
make ln Lhe pasL Anu ln dolng so we recelve emoLlonal
nuLrlenLs LhaL replace earller deflclLs. (Lxamples:
seLLlng boundarles, volclng our LruLh, comforLlng
ourselves raLher Lhan condemnlng ourselves, eLc.)

o lor example, lf you were shamed for speaklng your
mlnd as a chlld, as an adulL raLher Lhan conLlnulng Lhe
paLLern of remalnlng sllenL due Lo fear of re[ecLlon,
one can shlfL Lhe paLLern by Laklng Lhe rlsk Lo speak
your mlnd as an adulL, even lf lL feels uncomforLable ln
order Lo experlence a dlfferenL ouLcome.

o When we do Lhls (acLlng counLer Lo Lhe paLLern)
Lhere's a chance we wlll have a dlfferenL experlence
Lhan we dld as a chlld, whlch can be very heallng.

16

o When you have Lhls dlfferenL experlence, perhaps by
belng supporLed ln speaklng your mlnd (raLher Lhan
shamed) your lnner chlld geLs Lhe message LhaL Lhlngs
%&' dlfferenL now. lL demonsLraLes LhaL you are noL
frozen ln Lhe pasL, sLuck ln LhaL paLLern, buL LhaL you,
as an adulL, are capable of new experlences of yourself
and llfe. ?our lnner chlld beglns Lo LrusL you more and
more.

o Worklng wlLh symbols and archeLypes. (Lxample:
CreaLe an lmage of Lhe good moLher and work wlLh lL.
vlsuallzaLlons, arL work, collage, drawlngs, eLc.)

o Pelp from Lhe ulvlne MoLher: MoLher Mary, 1he
Coddesses, oLher lmages and flgures of dlvlne
femlnlne power and love, eLc.

o CeL SupporL: We cannoL heal ln lsolaLlon. lL's
lmporLanL Lo reach ouL and geL Lhe supporL you need.
uependlng where you are ln your heallng [ourney,
dlfferenL forms of supporL may be needed or deslred
aL dlfferenL Llmes. no maLLer whaL modallLy you use,
Lhe mosL lmporLanL Lhlng ls Lo .%-# % ,%2# A$%4# Lo
process some of Lhe deeper feellngs you may be
experlenclng and lnLegraLe Lhem ln a healLhy way LhaL
supporLs you ln lovlng yourself.

17

o Some examples of supporL are:

! lndlvldual Lherapy
! Croup Lherapy
! SupporL groups
! Workshops
! Lnergy work
! MovemenL Lherapy/yoga

N*'4$+,:*'
1ransformlng Lhe lnner moLher ls a powerful process LhaL guldes
women Lo heal from lnLer-generaLlonal wounds and Lo clalm Lhelr
auLhenLlc power and poLenLlal. lL ls a slmple process LhaL over
Llme can creaLe ma[or poslLlve change ln your llfe. l hope you've
en[oyed Lhls free reporL and feel lnsplred Lo love and supporL
yourself ln Lhls way!

J#%&' 1*&# %5*+) A&*;&%1, %'( *22#&:';, 2&*1 >#).%'0
"#5,)#&
1he gulde ls a brlef excerpL from a larger module on Lransformlng
Lhe lnner moLher, whlch ls a slngle componenL of a seven-sLep
process l Leach on how Lo Lransform Lhe paln of maLernal
woundlng lnLo dlvlne femlnlne power. SLay Luned Lo my webslLe
for upcomlng announcemenLs abouL onllne courses, llve
workshops and opporLunlLles Lo lnvesL ln personal coachlng wlLh
me. l welcome Lhe opporLunlLy Lo serve you on your unlque paLh
of heallng and LransformaLlon! hLLp://wombofllghL.com

18

C1A*&)%') M*)#,Q
lf your relaLlonshlp wlLh your moLher was characLerlzed by
severe abuse or neglecL, lL ls hlghly recommended LhaL you
work lndlvldually wlLh a professlonal LheraplsL who
speclallzes ln Lrauma and aLLachmenL. 1ake Llme Lo
lnLervlew Lhe LheraplsL Lo make sure lL ls a maLch.
1hls process Lakes Llme and cannoL be rushed. 8e
compasslonaLe wlLh yourself. CeL Lhe supporL you need.
?ou deserve lL!

T5*+) >#).%'0 "#5,)#&Q
8eLhany WebsLer ls a wrlLer, lnLernaLlonal speaker and whaL you
could call a mldwlfe of Lhe hearL. Per work ls focused on
supporLlng women ln reallzlng Lhelr Lrue ldenLlLy as
consclousness, clalmlng Lhelr brllllance and embodylng Lhelr LruLh
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Transforming The Inner Mother

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Transforming The Inner Mother

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Transforming the Inner Mother:

Become the Mother You Always Wantedto Yourself

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