CONFIDENTIAL: La Reine Est Morte, Vive La Reine!

by Al Alatenumo
La Reine Est Morte, Vive La Reine!
To

Mike Dickson
Hanna Popilevyc
!tuart "raser
Marta #elner
Alison $oso%%
Laura &illiamson

Dear All,

Hope all is 'ell( )*m sen+in, tis to letter to you via a secure me+ium, as ) +on*t 'ant te
contents to be seen by te outsi+e 'orl+- !o ) trust you 'ill not %or'ar+ it to anyone-

Let me be,in by commen+in, te Daily Mail on its e.cellent covera,e o% te &imble+on
/ampionsip- ) particularly en0oye+ rea+in, Mike Dickson*s article title+, 1Mystery of Serena
Williams' Wimbledon meltdown deepens... with doubts cast over her 'viral illness' explanation-2 )
also love te poto soot tat !portsmail +i+ %or Eu,enie $oucar+ 3above4- !e looks absolutely
stunnin, especially 'it er in%ectious smile-

) starte+ 'ritin, tis letter on te mornin, o% te 5t o% 6uly 789: in anticipation o% a Eu,enie
$oucar+*s victory at &imble+on, but a%ter er loss last !atur+ay, ) a+ to make some sli,t
can,es- Ho'ever, te overall messa,e still remains te same i-e- THE QUEEN IS DEAD, LONG
LIVE THE QUEEN!

&it !erena*s early e.it in te last tree ;ran+ !lam tournaments, it is sa%e to assume tat 'e
ave no' seen te en+ o% te !erena &illiams +ynasty- Even tou, Petra #vitov< trase+
Eu,enie $oucar+ at te 789: &imble+on /ampionsip, ) stron,ly believe tat 'e ave entere+
into a ne' a,e o% tennis 'it Ms- $oucar+=s recent coronation as te ne' >ueen o% te /ourt
a%ter er +e%eat o% !imona Halep in te &imble+on !emi "inal-

!ome people su,,est tat te me+ia an+ te Daily Mail in particular are overypin, Ms-
$oucar+- ) see tin,s +i%%erently? you are only elpin, in %acilitatin, te smoot transition o% te
>ueen o% Tennis %rom te erratic an+ irresponsible >ueen &illiams to our very o'n >ueen
$oucar+-

La+ies tennis is at a crossroa+s- "or te past 95 years, it as been +ominate+ by one %amily i-e-
te &illiams %amily an+ in particular by one in+ivi+ual i-e- !erena &illiams- &e can*t continue to
allo' !erena to +ominate te ,ame- ) am really sick o% seein, er 'in tropy a%ter tropy a%ter
tropy? tennis is no lon,er interestin,-

) believe tat !erena is ba+ %or tennis %or a number o% reasons- !e is not a typical 79st century
tennis campion- Look at er back,roun+( !e +oes not ave a mi++le class upbrin,in,, 'ic is
essential %or anyone playin, te ,ame- )n%act se an+ er sister Venus 'ere raise+ in te ,etto- )
%ear tat i% !erena re%uses to retire, people %rom te lo'er classes 'ill become more intereste+ in
tennis- )t=s alrea+y appenin, alrea+y- ) %eel sick 'en ) 'alk aroun+ some tennis courts an+ ) see
people 'o are not 'ell +resse+ playin,- !ometimes ) 'atc parents especially tose not %rom
Europe, trainin, teir +au,ters very early in te mornin,- )t=s like every parent 'ants to pro+uce
te ne.t !erena or Venus- ) ,uess tey see tennis as a passport out o% poverty or out o% te
,etto-

Even, 'en one ,oes to &imble+on, one sees all sorts o% people comin, to te ,roun+s-
&imble+on is not 'at it use+ to be ever since te &illiams !isters came to te scene- @o tanks
to tem, certain bree+s o% tennis %ans ave been comin, to &imble+on 'o are neiter 'ell
+resse+ nor 'ell spoken- Te oter +ay, ) sa' tis ,uy 'earin, a T !irt 'it te inscription
2!erena Rocks2 an+ anoter la+y 'as 'earin, a cap 'it te 'or+s 1&illiam+on !isters2 bol+ly
+isplaye+- ) also ,et irritate+ 'en ) pass by te ima,es o% te !isters tat appear on te
&imble+on Hall o% "ame- ) still can=t believe tat tere are ten ima,es o% !erena an+ Venus in te
Hall o% "ame-

Anoter reason 'y !erena is not ,oo+ %or tennis is because se +oes not ave te look o% a true
&imble+on /ampion- !e is not slim, se is not blon+e, se is not blue eye+ an+ se +oes not
speak 'it clarity- &en you tro' in er temper tantrums an+ unsportsmanlike beaviour, se
makes a very ba+ role mo+el- Moreover, er style o% play is brin,in, te ,ame into +isrupt- !e is
also too +ramatic- &at 'e nee+ is a tennis Aueen, not a +rama Aueen- ) kno' some may say )
am a racist, but ) +isa,ree- A%ter all, my best %rien+ is black an+ ) once +ate+ a black la+y- ) also
supporte+ &il%re+ Tson,a 'en e playe+ a,ainst @ovak D0okovic a couple o% +ays a,o-

&ell, enou, sai+ about !erena a%ter all se is on te +ecline an+ ope%ully, se 'ill stop 'innin,
;ran+ !lams- &oever takes over as >ueen o% te /ourt soul+ %it te mo+el o% a true tennis
campion- Tat is 'y ) am really e.cite+ about Eu,enie $oucar+-

&en Maria !arapova +e%eate+ !erena &illiams in te 788: &imble+on %inal, ) tou,t tat it
'oul+ user in a ,ol+en era in la+ies tennis- Bn%ortunately, ) 'as prove+ 'ron,- !ince ten
!arapova asn*t +e%eate+ !erena an+ se is +o'n 7C9D in er ea+ to ea+ 'it Ms- &illiams-
Altou, !arapova as earne+ more money tan !erena can ever +ream o%%, se as %aile+ in
er attempt to be te ne.t 1;reat HopeE- ) +on*t tink !arapova can en+ !erena*s rei,n as
>ueen because se as been brutalise+ by !erena an+ er sister- As your %ormer collea,ue
eloAuently put it seven years a,o, 1Their Russian victim, only 2 but startin! to loo" a weary
veteran of the modern crash#ban!#wallop !ame, has been double#teamed and ta!#wrestled into
submission this year by the ex#!hetto !irls, who have held the line for $merican women in the
face of a collapse in firepower-E

Hope%ully, te tenCyear 'ait %or our 1;reat HopeE is %inally over- ) am con%i+ent tat Eu,enie can %ill
te voi+- !e possesses everytin, to make a success%ul tennis Aueen- "irst o% all an+ more
importantly, se as te LFF#! an+ tere is tis innocence in er tat you %in+ lackin, in recent
&imble+on campions- As Alison $oso%% ri,tly put it, Ms- $oucar+ 1%s !loriously blonde with
perfectly re!ular, brilliantly white film#star teeth, a pair of oiled thi!hs that could crac" walnuts-E
!ince &imble+on is te ,reatest tennis tournament in te 'orl+, i+eally te &imble+on La+ies
/ampion soul+ be a beauty Aueen- )% one takes a roll call o% te past &imble+on /ampions
since 788:, apart %rom !arapova, none o% te 'inners are para,ons o% beauty- Look at !erena
&illiams- Look at Venus &illiams- Look at Petra #vitov<- Look at Amelie Mauresmo- Look at
Marion $artoli- )n%act 6on )nvera+le o% te $$/ ,ot it ri,t 'en e sai+ o% $artoli, 1&ou're never
!oin! to be somebody li"e a Sharapova, you're never !oin! to be somebody with lon! le!s, so
you have to compensate for that-E

!econ+, unlike &illiams, Eu,enie $oucar+ as class- !e comes %rom a mi++le class
back,roun+ an+ speaks ,oo+ En,lis- )t is essential tat &imble+on /ampions are eloAuent-
Many o% my %rien+s 'ere not impresse+ 'it #vitov< an+ $artoli*s victory speeces- !erena is no
+i%%erent? sometimes ) ave +i%%iculty un+erstan+in, er +eep /ompton accent-

Tir+, $oucar+ is a marketin, ,ol+ mine- !ince tennis competes 'it an array o% oter sports %or
vie'er=s attention, it is important tat 'e ave a campion tat is i,ly marketable- "ortunately,
Ms $oucar+ ticks all te bo.es- More importantly, se is %rom @ort America, so tis soul+
attract vie'ers trou,out te &estern 'orl+- ) kno' some mi,t say, 2(ut Serena is also from
)orth $merica2? 'ell, !erena an+ er sister Venus are not ori,inally %rom @ort America an+ are
not te sort tat 'ill ,enerate interest amon, tennis %ans, te me+ia an+ sponsors- &it
$oucar+=s marketability, se 'ill ope%ully attract te ri,t people back to &imble+on- A%ter a %e'
years into er rei,n 'e soul+ be,in to see more people %rom te ric suburbs visitin, &imble+on
an+ %e'er visitors %rom te ,etto-

"ourt, Ms- $oucar+ as a t'in sister calle+ $eatrice- )% 'e can ,et $eatrice to play tennis it 'ill
be a classic case o% avin, t'o Eu,enie*s %or te price one- Any bene%its comin, %rom Eu,enie*s
coronation as >ueen 'ill be multiplie+ by a %actor o% t'o- )n%act 'e coul+ ave t'o >ueens o% te
/ourt- Te possibilities are en+less- )ma,ine 'atcin, te $oucar+*s !ister at /entre /ourt
rater tan te irritatin, &illiams !isters- Peraps 'e can start a t'itter campai,n to ur,e
$eatrice to 0oin te &TA Tour usin, te as ta, G$eatrice&e@ee+Hou-

$e%ore ) close, ) 'oul+ like to a++ress te 2Trophy vs. Beauy De!ae2- ) am not really
concerne+ i% our ne' >ueen o% te /ourt 'ins ;ran+ !lam titles or not- ) am more intereste+ in
er becomin, te ricest an+ most attractive sports 'oman in livin, memory- !ome may
complain tat it*s not %air tat !erena &illiams earns muc less tan some players 'o ave 'on
%e'er titles- Tou, C li%e is un%air- Tennis soul+ be about beauty an+ not ability- ) mean 'at is te
point o% 'innin, 9I ;ran+ !lam titles i% you +on=t ave te looks-

Fn anoter note, ) ave come up 'it a novel 'ay %or see+in, %emale players an+ a'ar+in,
;ran+ !lam titles- ) 'oul+ be ,rate%ul i% you coul+ publis my propose+ system on your 'ebsite
an+ ne'spaper- Te name o% tis system is te $eautability !ee+ Rankin, Mo+el 3$!RM
J
4-

$!RM
J
is a rankin, system, 'ic is base+ on a ybri+ o% a player*s beauty an+ tennis ability-
Bnlike te e.istin, &TA rankin, system tat ,ives si,ni%icant 'ei,tin, to a player=s tennis
pro'ess, un+er te $!RM
J
, more 'ei,t 'ill be ,iven to a player*s beauty- "or instance, i%
!erena &illiams +e%eats a beauti%ul player at te &imble+on %inal, instea+ o% ,ivin, te Venus
Rose'ater Dis to !erena, te All En,lan+ La'n Tennis /lub coul+ apply te $!RM
J
system as
per belo':

Rankin, points %or te 'inner: 7,588 points

Rankin, points %or te more beauti%ul player: K,888 points

Rankin, points %or te less beauti%ul player: L,588 points

Ma.imumMminimum point %or te more beauti%ul player N 98,588MK,888

Ma.imumM minimum point %or te less beauti%ul player N D,888ML,588

Tat 'ay, !erena 'ill ,et a total o% D,888 points C comprisin, o% 7,588 points %or 'innin, te
matc an+ L,588 points %or comin, secon+ in te beauty contest- Te beauti%ul an+ se.y losin,
%inalist 'ill ,et a total o% K,888 points an+ 'ill be cro'ne+ &imble+on /ampion- &e can even
a'ar+ e.tra points %or a player=s pro%iciency in En,lis-

&it tis system in place, it 'ill almost be impossible to ave a &imble+on /ampion tat is not
beauti%ul- Accor+in, to my back testin, mo+el, i% tis system a+ been applie+ %rom 9OOO, !erena
&illiams 'oul+ ave 'on only 7 ;ran+ !lam titles- Like'ise, Eu,enie $oucar+ 'oul+ ave been
te current &imble+on /ampion an+ $artoli an+ #vitov< 'oul+ never ave been cro'ne+
&imble+on campions-

"inally, many tanks %or takin, te time to rea+ my letter an+ my proposal %or movin, tennis
%or'ar+- Fnce a,ain, ) plea+ 'it you to keep te contents o% tis letter con%i+ential, as ) +on*t
'ant people to accuse me o% bein, a !erenapobe or a racist or a miso,ynist- ) look %or'ar+ to a
ne' era o% beauti%ul &imble+on /ampions-

Te %uture is bri,t? te %uture is Eu,enie-

Te >ueen is +ea+, lon, live te >ueen!
#in+ Re,ar+s-
Al Alatenumo
6uly 789:
alatenumoP,mail-com
or
cMo suleaosP,mail-com
cc Paul Dacre
Tis content o% tis letter is con%i+ential, private an+ inten+e+ %or only te a++ressee-