Nanna Goldman

Social Psychology
Short paper #2

The triangular theory of love is a theory of love developed by psychologist Robert Sternberg. In
the context of interpersonal relationships, the three components of love are an intimacy
component, a passion component, and a decision/commitment component. The intimacy
component encompasses feelings of attachment, closeness, connectedness, and bondedness.
Furthermore, the passion component encompasses drives connected to both limerence and sexual
attraction. Finally, the commitment component encompasses, in the short term, the decision to
remain with another, and in the long term, plans made with that other.
Intimate love is the corner of the triangle that encompasses the close bonds of loving
relationships. Intimate love felt between two people means that they each feel a sense of high
regard for each other. They wish to make each other happy, share with each other, be in
communication with each other, help when one is in need. A couple with intimate love deeply
values each other. Passionate love is based on drive. Couples in passionate love feel physically
attracted to each other. Sexual desire is typically a component of passionate love. Passionate love
is not limited to sexual attraction, however. It is a way for couples to express feelings of nurture,
dominance, submission, self-actualization, etc. Commitment, or committed love, is for lovers
who are committed to being together for a long period of time. Something to note about
commitment, however, is that one can be committed to someone without feeling love for him or
her, and one can feel love for someone without being committed to him or her. The balance
among Sternbergs three aspects of love is likely to shift through the course of a relationship. A
strong dose of all three components-found in consummate love-typifies, for many of us, an ideal
relationship (Triangular Theory of Love).
There are obviously other types of love that are only combinations of two of the three
components of Sternbergs Triangle Theory. If a couple believes they are in love they should
clarify what kind of love they are experiencing by analyzing the feelings between them
throughout the course of their relationship. Therefore, the couple should first address the
intimacy component. Within this component they should have had feelings of liking and/or
friendship and romantic love. The romantic love is rarely long lasting, and they will experience
feelings of passion and intimacy but with a lack of commitment. They may feel in love with
one another and experience [the] relationship as intense and satisfying (Sternbergs Triangular
Theory of Love). They should next address the passionate component. This component will
consist of infatuation, empty love, companionate, and fatuous love. This can be composed of
close family bonds and close friendships, love at first sight, or a commitment without the
intimacy or passion. The latter is similar to couples who have been married for a lengthy number
of years and have lost their intimacy and passion, but are still maintaining their commitment. The
couple should address whether they have the passion component as well as the intimacy
component prior to moving forward to address the commitment component. Ultimately, if they
have found the presence of intimacy and passion they should finally look for the presence of a
commitment. If this component is present, they are experiencing consummate love.
Consummate love is the complete form of love, representing the ideal relationship toward
TRIANGLE THEORY OF LOVE 2

which many people strive but which apparently few achieve. Sternberg cautions that maintaining
a consummate love may be even harder than achieving it. He stresses the importance of
translating the components of love into action. "Without expression," he warns, "even the
greatest of loves can die" (1987, p.341). Consummate love may not be permanent. For example,
if passion is lost over time, it may change into companionate love (Triangular Theory of Love).
Ultimately, the two individuals that are part of the relationship are the only ones that can
determine if their love is consummate love, and they are responsible for ensuring that the
relationship keeps the passion and intimacy in sync with their commitment.

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