DAILY SNARL 6-25-14 by Don Coyer

Just got back from seeing the movie Jersey Boys. For anyone interested in the mu
sic industry, or being a musician, or in a band, this is a must-watch. If you're
interested in music history, you should see this. They did the best job I've ev
er seen of recreating the story of a band/musician and even making the music sou
nd almost identical.
But that's not what this rant is about. I was in a club the other night, talking
to a couple of friends, I can't even remember who, but one of them said to the
other, "Name songs are never hits." In other words, songs with girl's names are
never hits. I just stood there with my hands in fists at my sides, blood drippin
g, a tight grimace across my face.
Who teaches these people these things, they just pull this data out of their cra
cks? Until you have a fraction of a clue what you're talking about, you should j
ust shut it. Even if you're a friend of mine. I think from now on, I'm not ignor
ing idiocy or ignorance...I'm calling it.
Following is a list of huge name songs. DUH.
Oh, Donna- Richie Valens
Sherry Baby- Four Seasons
Dawn- Four Seasons
Oh, Sherrie- Steve Perry
Michelle- Beatles
Marie's the Name (Of His Latest Flame) Elvis Presley
Along Comes Mary- The Association
Amanda- Boston
Amie- Pure Prarie League
Angie- Rolling Stones
Sarah- Fleetwood Mac
Anna- Beatles
Barbara Ann- Beach Boys
Beth- Kiss
Black Betty- Ram Jam
Billie Jean- Michael Jackson
Brandy- Looking Glass
Sweet Caroline- Chuck Berry
Oh Carol- Chuck Berry
Carrie Ann- Hollies
Cecelia- Simon & Garfunkle
Dear Prudence- Beatles
Delilah- Tom Jones
Eleanor- Turtles
Eleanor Rigby- Beatles
Elvira- Oak Ridge Boys
Fur Elise- Beethoven
Gloria- Them
Help Me Rhonda- Beach Boys
Goodnight Irene- Leadbelly
Jessica- Allman Brothers
Jack & Diane- JC Mellencamp
Jamie's Crying- Van Halen
Janie's Got a Gun- Aerosmith
Jenny Jenny (867-5309)-Tommy Tutone
Jolene- Dolly Parton
Josie- Steely Dan
Kim- Eminem
Lenny- SRV
Lay Down Sally- Clapton
Layla- Derek & the Dominoes
Luanne- Foreigner
Maggie May- Rod Stewart
Mary Jane's Last Dance- Tom Petty
Mary's Song- Taylor Swift
Mustang Sally- Wilson Picket
Natalie- Bruno Mars
Peggy Sue- Buddy Holly
Peg- Steely Dan
Proud Mary- CCR
Rosanna- TOTO
Sarah Smile- Hall & Oates
Stacey's Mom- Fountains of Wayne
Suzie Q- Dale Hawkins/ Creedence
Enough. This is a small, partial list. I could sit here all day long and not sto
p typing.
And to put a stop to nay-sayers.....you may say, well, they are all old songs.
Wrong. I listed a few newer songs, which I really don't care about, but there ar
e plenty more. Besides, a song being old is not the same as NEVER being a hit.
Objection #2 Well, they weren't hits. Listen, rat-face. After 40 or 50 years,
if you still remember them, they were hits. If they were on an album that sold a
million, or even a half million, they sold just as many as other hits on the al
bum, because they are physically locked in. All gold or platinum albums. But man
y of them were major hits anyway. Even a top 100 hit is really hard to accomplis
h because America is a big country. It's only possible to have 52 #1 hits in any
given year, because it goes week to week.
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Another fact that I'm throwing in for free, and one that aggravates me, is that
back in the 50s/60s, (until 75, actually) a "gold record" meant a million units
sold. A gold album was a million dollars in sales. A million dollars back then i
s not the same as a million now. You could buy a 2 sided "single" back in 1965 f
or 49 cents. Now, imagine how many actual sales it took to equal a million dolla
rs. Then figure how little a million dollars is now, compared to then. So, if yo
u have a gold record now, it's NOTHING like it was back then, especially since t
here were limited radio stations, no internet, only 2 or 3 TV stations, and no M
TV or other kind of shows, unless it was weekly. Not taking this into account fo
r awarding gold certification is like not taking inflation into account when com
paring what $100 would buy 50 years ago to what it will buy today. No comparison
.
AND YET- The standard hasn't changed to say you got a gold record. EXCEPT....NOW
you only have to sell 1/2 million. So, brag all you want, wannabes. It ain't th
e same. (More on all this, lata!)