The teaching of Proverbs on the

home and its many relationships

Wisdom for
the-Family
by Wayne Rogers
W
ho has not seen a
.
plaque on a living room
wall that read, "God
Bless Our Horne". That
is certainly a proper prayer and desire.
Blessing and happiness in the horne and
family is a Biblical ideal and goal.
However, we need to change the quote
to read as Proverbs 3:33 tells us, "God
bless the Horne of the Righteous."
Only those who live in terms of the
Word of God can pray and expect God
to bless their horne. (I really wish some-
one would produce plaques or" stitchery"
with that verse on it. It would be a
good evangelistic conversation starter).
This article is an outline from Proverbs
for Wisdom for the Family.
The horne, according to Proverbs
24:3-4, should be a place where val-
uable riches and treasures are found.
Proverbs 18:22 echoes Genesis 2:18
and recommends marriage and the fam-
ily. Psalm 128 celebrates the happiness
and the influence of the horne that is
established upon the Word of God.
Happiness is. not automatic, how-
ever, as 3:33 reminds us. "The Lord's
curse. is on the house of the wicked," it
says. Unhappiness in the horne is
caused because the horne is not built
upon the Word of God, Mat. 7:24-27.
Just as most physical accidents happen
at horne, so do most spiritual accidents,
Prov. 3:21-26. This passage describes
a man at horne. He stumbles on the
carpet and cannot sleep at night because
he lacks wisdom. If you are wise,
however, 3:21, you will dwell with
safety, 3:23.
Unhappiness comes through unwise
handling of money, 15:6, 27; marital
unfaithfulness, 2:16-19; failure to train
children, 10:1; failure of children to
honor their parents, 29:15. A child
will have 20/20 vision if he keeps his
eyes on Proverbs 20/20. Strife,
quarreling, and conflict bring unhap-
piness, 17:1. Our actions may build up
or destroy our homes, 11:29, 14:1,
15:25, 24:3.
I. Husbands and Wives
A. Marriage:
1. Marriage is a blessing from
God, 18:22; 19:14; 5:15-19.
2. Marriage is between one man
and one woman for life, 2:17; 7:4.
3. Marriage must be based upon
and grounded in a common fear of the
Lord, 14:26; 31:30, 22:4; 1:7; 15:16.
4. Marriage must grow and de-
velop in the soil of love, 15: 17. Love
is seeking the good of the other even at
personal expense.
B. Men and Husbands:
1. His Relationship with God:
a. He must fear God, 1:7;
9:10; 14:26; 28:14.
b. He must confess his sin,
28:13,14.
c. He must keep God's law,
28:7,9.
d. He must be righteous and
just in all his dealings, 21:3, 12,
27; 15:8, 25; 12:7; 14:11.
e.He must be firm in re-
sisting the wicked, 25:26.
f.He guards his heart, 4:23f.;
17:3, 20; 20:9.
g.He keeps his vows, 20:25.
h. He prays, 15:29.
The Counsel of Chalcedon Aug.-Sept., 1989 page 16
i. He avoids evil, 16:6.
j. He is careful about asso-
ciating with the wicked, 1:10f;
22:24-25.
2. His relationship with His Wife:
a. Husbands must be friends
with their wives, 2: 17. The word
"friend" is used to refer to the
closest of friends, 16:28, 17:9, and
Psalm 55: 13. Like wisdom, she is
to be his sister and kindsrnan,
7:4,5. Marriage is a covenant of
companionship, a communion of
life. Marriage is a relationship of
companionship, comradeship, and
communication.
b. Husbands must be faith-
ful and ardent lovers, 5:15-19.
(1) He must be a loyal
lover, 5:1f,15; 6:27-29,33; 27:8.
(2) He must be an ardent
lover, 5:19 (Compare with 20:1
where exhilarates is translated
intoxicated). Having sex is not
the same thing as being an ardent
lover.
c. He must trust his wife,
31:11. He is alovirtg leader. He
does not squelch her talents and
abilities. Indeed, he is profited by
her.
d. He must not bring trouble
on his own horne through his
foolish behavior, 11:29.
Men often trouble their own
horne by foolish decisions and be-
havior. They may be ill-natured,
impulsive, false, selfish, etc. They
may trouble their homes by greed,
15:27; laziness, 19:15 alcohol
abuse, 20:1; vengeance, 17:13,
quarreling, 26:21; underwriting
debts, 22:26-27; failing to guard
their tongues, 21:23; failing to
seek the counsel of others, 11:14,
associating with the wrong people,
22:24-25; straying from home,
27:8.
3. His Handling of Money
a. Co-signing loans, 6:1-5,
22:6.
b. Debt, 22:7,26.
c. Offerings, 3:9-10.
d. Generosity, 11:24-26;
14:21,31; 28:22,27, 23:6-8.
e. Trusting in riches, 23:4-5
11:28; 16:8; 19:1; 15:16; 30:8-
9; 28:20; 11:4, 10:22.
f. Honesty, 22:16; 29:27.
4. His Work
a.He is a hard worker,
10:4,5; 12:11; 28:11; 13:4; 16:26;
12:27; 14:23; 12:24; 13:4,19;
22:29; 28:19; 24:27;20:14;11:26.
b. He is not a sluggard,
6:6-11; 26:13-16; 22:13; 19:24;
I 24:30-34; 10:26; 13:4; 16:26;
21:25; 20:4; 12:27; 19:15; 18:9;
20:13; 21:17, 25,26.
c. He is honest in business
dealings, 22:16; 11:1,18; 12:2;
16:8,11; 17:8,23; 28:8,21; 29:27;
20:17; 21:6; 10:2; 20:10,23;
23:10.
5. His Tongue
a. He controls his tongue,
13:3, 21:23; 10:19; 29:20; 12:18.
b. His words are fitly
spoken, appropriate for the need
and circumstances, 25:11; 15:23;
12:25; 16:24; 15:1,4; 16:21,23;
25:12,27; 28:23; 27:5; 25:20;
10:31, 32; 18:13,15,17; 27:9.
c. He speaks the truth,
12:17; 14:5,25; 25:18; 19:5,9,28.
6. His Character
He is humble, 13:10, 15:33,25;
teachable, 9:8-9; 12:15; 15:31; kind,
12:10; patient, 12:16; 14:17,29; 15:1;
even-tempered and self-controlled,
16:32; 17:27; 19:11,19; 30:33; 29:22;
15:18; 22:24,25; 25:28; impartial,
18:5; honorable, 14:19; a blessing to
his city and nation, 11:10-11,14.
7. His Plans and Decisions
He makes his plans and deci-
sions wisely, 21:5,15,22; 11:14;
20:18; 24:6,7; 16:1,3,9; 19:21; 20:24;
21:30.31,2,5; 27:1,12
C. Wives and Women:
1. The wise woman and god-
ly wife is the crown of her husband,
12:4. She is often his making and
breaking, 18:22; 19:13,14. She brings
him profit.
She is the Queen of the house-
hold. She dignifies her husband. She
has noble character, 12:4; 11: 16,22;
31:25,26.
She is not quarrelsome, 19:13;
21:9,19; 25:24; 27:15,16.
She is a good neighbor, 31:20.
She dresses, speaks, and acts like a
women who fears and knows God,
7:10,12,21; 31:22,25.
"Her excellence justifies his
choice. Her management enriches his
bank account. By her industry and
economy the produce of his labour is
carefully guarded, and often increased.
Her influence exalts his character. Her
gentle spirit and manners smooth the.
roughness of his character, refine his
tastes, elevate his aims, and round the
sharp angles of his daily life," David
Thomas, Book of Proverbs.
2. She builds up her home, instead of
tearing it down, 14:1; 9:1-6. She is
diligent, 31:13,15,16,22,14. She
builds it up materially, 31:13,14,16,24.
She combines economy with liberality,
31:13,18-27.
She builds it up spiritually. A
good wife by her example, spirit, ad-
monitions, reproofs, and prayers builds
her home. It becomes "A temple of
industry, intelligence, and worship,"
David Thomas.
The foolish woman tears down
her home by idleness, waste, love of
pleasures, lack of foresight and care,
9:13-17.
3. She is a devoted wife, faithful to
her husband, 7:14-20, 2:16-19.
a. She is faithful and loyal
to her husband, and not a seduc-
tress or adulterer, 2:16,17; 5:3;
6:24; 7:10-21; 9:13-17; 30:20.
b. The wicked and ungodly
woman is a complainer, 27:15,16;
cranky, 21:9; 25:24; and a nagger,
19:13; 21:19.
"A fortune in a wife is better
than a fortune with a wife,"
Scott.
"For the building of a house
three things are principally necessary:
First, a holy corning together; Second,
a special fitness in the head of the
family; and Last, a holy living
together," Byfield.
"I see your side won again, Henry!"
The Counsel of Chalcedon Aug.-Sept., 1989 page 17
II. Parents and Children
A. Parents:
1. Parents,, fathers and mothers,
must instruct and teach their children,
1:4,8,10; 2:1; 3:1; 4:1; 5:1; 6:20;
31:1,26,28.
- --- -2.- While- instruGtien and dis-
cipline is practiced by fathers and
mothers, there is a priority of the
responsibility of the father as tbe head
of the horne, 1:1, 6:20f; I Kings 2:1-4.
3. Instruction must be done
affectionately and earnestly, speaking to
the heart, 1:20f; 4:1,20; 8:1f; 23:15-
23.
4. Instruction must be practical
and comprehensive:
a. Instruct them with warn-
ings and appeals to follow the
word of God, 1:20f; 4:1; 8:1f.
b. You must warn your
children about the dangers and
temptations that they will be
exposed to in society: wicked
men, seductive women, drug
abuse, peer pressure, etc. See
1:10f; 2:12f; 4:14; 5:1f; 6:20f;
7:1f; 20:1; 23:30-35; 31:4-7.
c. You must instruct them
about work and laziness.
See 10:4-5,26; 12:11,12,24,27;
14:4,23; 16:26; 18:9; 22:1329;
24:27,29; 26:13-16; 27:18; 28:19;
31:13-31; 6:6-11.
d. You must instruct them
about money management and
wealth. See 3:9,10; 10:2,22;
11:28; 13:11; 15:16,17,27; 19:4;
20:14; 22:16; 23:4,5; 27:23,24.
e. You must instruct them
about social and civic graces and
responsibilities:
(1) Neighbors and friends -
18:24; 17:17; 27:6,17; 26:19;
25:17; 27:14; 17:9; 25:8.
(2) Civil government,
false witnesses, judges, rulers:
12:17; 14:5,25; 17:15; 24:23-25;
17:23,26; 28:21; 16:10; 20:8,28;
28:15,16; 29:4,14.
5. Parents must set godly
examples before their children. See
20:7; 31:28.
Fathers must be examples by
controlling their tongues, 13:3;
kindness, 12:10; humility, 13:10;
patience, 12:16; temper, 16:32; impar-
tiality, 18:5; self-control, 25:28.
Mothers must be examples of godly
character as well. See 12:4; 11:16;
19:13; 31:20; 7:10-21; 9:1-6.
6. Parents must train up their
children-by-discipline;22:0.
Proverbs is well known for its
praise of the rod, 13:24; 23:13,14;
19:18; and discipline, 22:15;
29:15,17,19; 3:11,12.
a. Foolishness is bound up
in the heart of a child, 22:15. It
usually takes more than words to
dislodge it.
b. Character, like fruit,
grows through pruning and discipline,
15:32;33; 5:11,12. It must begin
early, 13:24b; 22:6.
c. The best training cannot
make one wise. Proverbs is the calling
of a Father and Mother to their son to
choose wisdom and follow it. That is
why this training must begin early,
before the child becomes a fool. A child
may be too opinionated to learn, 13:1;
17:21. He may be too lazy to learn,
10:5. He may be wild and reckless,
29:3; 28:7. He may be rebellious,
despising, cursing, and mocking his
parents, 15:20; 30:17, 11; 20:20;
28:24; 19:26. Some parents have
themselves to blame, 29:15. However,
ultimately every person is responsible
for his own actions, 29:3; 2:2f.
7. Parents should leave an
inheritance for their children, 13:22;
19:14; 20:7,21.
B. Children
1. Children should bring joy to
their parents by living godly lives,
10:1; . 15:20; 17:21,25; 27:11;
23:15,16;. 17:6; 23:22,24,25.
2. Children should pay close
attention to their parents' instruction,
and give heed to it- 1:8,9; 2:1f; 3:1f;
4:1f; 13:1; 19:27; 23:22-25; 28:7.
3. Children should gladly sub-
mit to discipline in the Lord, 3:11,12;
12:1; 15:5; 19:20.
4. Children should care for their
parents in their need, 30: 11,17.
The Counsel of Chalcedon Aug.-Sept., 1989 page 18
C. A Wise Son
1. Can stand alone, 1:10-15.
2. Deals with temptation,
5 : ~ 2 3 ; 6:24; 23:19-21.
3. Handles money wisely,
3:9,10; 22:7-9; 20:21.
4. Works hard, 10:4,5.
5. Is a good brother, 17:17;
18:19.
6. Is not a tattle-tale, 17:9.
7. Doesn't start quairels,
17:14,19; 26:20. .
8. DOOsn't rob parents,
19:26; 28:24. .
9. Doesn't curse parents,
20:20.
10. rs known'by his actions,
'20:11.
11. Keeps God's law, 28:7.
12. Watches who his
companions are, 1:10f; 29:3.
D. A Wise Daughter
1. Is not foolish, boisterous,
9:13; rnoc!Qng guilt and sin, 9:17;
deceptive, 14:8; argumentative and
quarrelsome, 20:3.
2 ~ Is not contentious, but
gracious, 19:13;21:9,19; 27:15,16.
3. Is not sensual, 2:16,17;
5:3,6; 6:24,25; 7:5-27; 30:20. The
sensuous girl flatters with her words,
2:16; chooses new friends, 2:17; forgets
her promises to her Lord, 2: 17; dresses
suggestively, 7:10; is rebellious and
forward, 7:11-13; 30:20.
4. Is not indiscreet, 11:22;
31:30; knows that true and lasting
beauty is a spiritual quality, 31:30.
Ill. Brothers and Sisters
What does Proverbs have to
say about the relationship between
siblings, brothers and sisters?
A. A brother is a friend,
17:17; 18:24; 27:10. While these
verses describe one who is a friend, they
also imply that a brother should be
a friend as well. What is true of a
friend is also true of a brother. A
brother loves at all times, 17:17; he
sticks close 'to you; he is there for a
time of trouble.
1. A brother is one you trust,
Ps. 41:9. He is one to whom you can
go for counsel, 27:9,17. See I Sam.
23:16 and IT Sam. 13:3 ..
2. A brother is one who will
tell you the truth, Prov. 27:6. He will
he candid when he needs to be, 29:5;
28:23; I Kgs. 1:6.
3. A brother is for a time of
trouble, Ps. 35:13,14, Eccles. 4:9-12,
Job 6:14, Acts 27:3. He is one to go
to when in need, Luke 11:5. There are
fair-weather friends, 14:20, 19:4,6,7.
See also 2 Tim. 4:16 and Psalm 41:9.
4. A brother is a confidant -
John 15:14,15.
5. A brother is one you enjoy
fellowship with, Ps. 55:14; 41:9; Matt.
11:19.
6. A brother is one who is a
"bosom" friend, Deut. 13:6, I Sam.
18:1.
7. A brother knows how to be
courteous, 25:17; 27:14; 26:18-19.
8. A brother is one you would
lay down your life for, John 15:13.
B. Brothers may be
estranged from each other, 6:19.
Prov. 18:19 comments on how difficult
it is to reconcile brothers and friends
when they have been separated.
Prov. 19:7 mentions that a poor
man is shunned by his relatives. This
may mean that your relatives, brothers,
are guilty of not coming to your
assistance when in need, and is a
condemnation of them. It could mean
that if you are always coming to your
friends and brothers in need they will
hate to see you coming.
Friendships are fragile, 2: 17,
16:28; 17:9. They may be destroyed
through confidences broken, 25:8-10,
and through telling tales, 17:9; 16:18.
Therefore, we must be careful that we
do not estrange brothers, and that we
seek to preserve good relations insofar
as possible.
Brothers and sisters are noted for
fighting and quarrelling in the home.
This is to be expected because they are
sinners. Nevertheless, fighting should
not be accepted. We should encourage
brothers and sisters to love and appre-
ciate each other. We should hold up a
Biblical model and ideal for them to
emulate and to aim for.
IV. The Family and Society
The home is the foundation of
society. Prov. 31:19 records King
Lemuel's mother's instruction to him
on how to be a good and wise king. In I
Kings 2:1-4 we read of David
counseling Solomon on how to be a
successful king. As he followed the
Word of God his kingdom was happy, I
Kgs. 10:8-9. When he failed to live in
terms of the Word of God his kingdom
began to decline, I Kgs. 11:1-13. The
home is the training ground for future
leaders in society. They must not only
be men of moral character but of
wisdom and principle.
A. Righteous people
are a blessing to their city,
11: 11. The implication is that cities
are to be righteous and they can only be
righteous if the citizens are righteous.
B. Righteous people are
a source of guidance and coun-
sel to a nation which keeps it
from falling, 11:14. Godly citizens
must exercise political pressure upon
their elected officials. The security and
prosperity of their families and their
nation depends upon them. Many
Christians do not realize that there are
Biblical principles that apply to the
nature and function of civil
government, defense, justice, law
enforcement, and economics. If they
do, they do not believe that they should
The Counsel of Chalcedon Aug.-Sept., 1989. page 19
seek to apply them to civil life or
government today. For lack of
Christians acting as salt and light in
these areas the nation is in a state of
moral chaos, economic collapse, and
national weakness and vulnerability.
C. Righteous people are
to fear the king, 24:21,22, practice
civil obedience and submission. The
righteous king gives the land stability,
29:4. Citizens get what they deserve
when they elect ungodly men as civil
magistrates. The king is to administer
justice, 20:8,16,28. He is to crush the
wicked. By protecting the good his
kingdom is made safe. See also
16:12,13.
Remember, however, that these
verses presuppose godly kings, 16:13.
Kings are not always righteous,
however, as the Proverbs recognize,
16:12; 28:15,16. Kings often have
unwise and wicked cabinet members,
25:5, who need to be removed. Even
though kings are to be feared and
honored, and one who disobeys may
have to suffer the consequences of civil
disobedience, obedience is not absolute,
Acts 5:29. Only God is the
absolute sovereign.
D. Righteous men need
to fill the seats on the city
council, become judges, and
civil magistrates, 24:7; 17:15;
24:23-25. As David prayed for his son
in Psalm 72, let us pray for our sons
this same prayer.