Académique Documents
Professionnel Documents
Culture Documents
then?" Octobel
then?" Octobe
..- . :
S. 7•
Stony Brook
University
Counseling...
Is There
Anyone
Here to
Help You?
A Look Back on Bush's Ter m.:
38,228 Reasons Why He Must be Defea bed
By Joan Leong
First and foremost, I want to say to my in 6 pregnant American women have such high dice. He doesn't support gay marriage and has
friends voting Bush, HA HA SUCKERS!! mercury content that they are exposing their actually cancelled an annual Gay Pride Parade
Hundreds of our aggressive debates later, it unborn child to autism, mental retardation, after pressure from conservative religious
still boils down to one thing; WE LIVE IN NEW kidney and heart problems, etc because Bush is groups.
YORK! Our state belongs to Kerry. Go ahead and doing away with the Clinton plan'.to have the 15. He doesn't respect the Constitution.
vote for your evil little candidate on Election mercury removed from our waters. He is tearing down the walls of separation
Day, it doesn't matter. However, I am peeved that 10. George Bush hates the environment. between church and state which has been
they couldn't come up with a better candidate He signed contracts with logging companies to enforced for over 200 years. $30.5 million dol-
than Kerry. I mean Kerry? Really? C'mon! At cut down in previously protected regions like- lars have been given to 81 organizations to help
this point though, all I care about is vanquish- Yellowstone National Park and the Tongass them with funding church-related groups and
ing Bush. Being an environmentalist and National Forest which is the home to many other religious factions.
humanitarian, I can't sit idly by while he endangered wildlife species. He has also 16. The 2004 federal deficit is an
destroys the things I care about. I am still flab- approved of drilling for oil in millions of acres' astoundingly projected $422 billion. Last year
bergasted at how anyone can support Bush. Do previously preserved land. The funding for the it was $375 billion. How much will it be next
they not see the limbless and bleeding children proper care of our national parks has been year if he is still president?
over in Iraq? Seriously, why do so many severely cut by as much as $600 million. 17. Bush still stands firm on the belief
Americans only have compassion for their own 11. George Bush doesn't give a shit about that outsourcing badly-needed Arierican jobs to
people? People are people. Tens of thousands the public's health and. safety. The Clean Air cheap foreign markets is good for the economy.
are dying over there, and there is no million Americans are unemployed.
rationale for that whatsoever. Before I end 18. Another reason for invading Iraq
up an angry fuming mess and lose the abil- as because he wanted to-liberate the.Iraqi
ity to write sensibly, I'm going to stop here eople and help them get back on their feet.
and just list all of Bush's "accomplish- [e claimed that the U.S. would not be a per-
ments" these past four years as oui ianent force in the country. Yet almost all
President. Jamal, Matt, Alex and Will, this raqi citizens are paying twice the amount
one is for you because you guys piss me off. f money for electric bills they used to pay
nd they spend half of the time .without
1. He invaded Iraq without justifi- ower. Instead of rebuilding power plants,
able cause, 9/11 was caused by a terrorist e is building military bases already.
sect lead by Osama bin Laden who was ir 19. Since the presidential elections are
AFGHANISTAN. Why were we suddenly in ight around the corner,.American troops'
Iraq? He tricked uninformed middle eath toll must remain low. Warplanes are
America by saying things like "We'll ric ow widely used to blow up areas where
the world of evil-doers" and implying thai iey have a hunch about where insurgents
anyone iagaainst the war is unpatriotic re hiding. This way,. no more Americans
'GOODNESS NOf WE MUST NEVER QUESTION ie. Instead, Iraqi citizens such as chil-
THE GOVERNMENT. ren and women are casualties instead.
2. Lying to the public by claiming nother 17 innocent lives taken, a couple
they have overwhelming evidence of th( ozen families destroyed, but oh well, at
link between Saddam and al-Qaeda. Well east it's them and not us.
at least they finally admitted there was nc 20. He puts children last. Bush dropped
link a year and 800 days later. child tax credit provision on May 2 8t h,
3. Weapons of mass destruction 003 which would have aided 12 million
my ass. hildren in low-income families but now
4. George Bush is a fascist. In oui hey will receive no benefits whatsoever.
democratic country, he chose not to lister ;ut don't worry, the 1% of the US who are
to Congress when it concerned a major mil- Iready filthy rich will get the money that
itary strike. He laughs in the face of th< hose children needed.
United Nations because according to him- 21. He is sending 800 members of the
self, might always means right. 8t h Army Reserve Division off to Iraq for
5. Our former allies no longer sup- year. That's funny isn't it? Because they
port us. Thanks a lot Dubya. Don't you stol re a non-combat unit that does not have
to think something is fishy when oui heir own weapons or vehicles.
friends tell us we're doing somethini 22. Dubya's dear old Rumsfeld proposed
wrong? o use IRS information as a means of find-
6. He refused to issue $34 millioi ig nonactive former reservists of the US
, . I 11
, . I - YT __*,-.,
in funding tor the United Nations
-. 1• t -r , • _ T%.
-;
A4- 4+ V ,V ,, 1%,y%-&fn r tan
miiitary. liun t tney say we nave more
t'Z
Population Fund, which provides poverty- Act has been drastically weakened so there are enough volunteers for Iraq? Here's to another
stricken countries with birth control, maternal fewer restrictions on large plants and they are blow to personal privacy.
and child care and HIV/AIDs prevention. able to get away with contaminating the air we 23. George Bush doesn't care about any-
7. $3 billion dollars is going *over to breathe. Of course these hazardous plants aren't one, especially the elderly. Medicare premiums
Iraq over the next three years to create a secret being regulated, it helps when they donate $48. has been drastically hiked up monthly. This
police to weed out Baathist loyalists, and it will million dollars to Bush and the Republican affects millions of retired Americans and the
be headed by the CIA. Yet our own country's Party. elderly who receive these benefits. Many senior
police are understaffed and underpaid. 12. This coming election, he has dirty citizens will pay even more for already costly
8. His administration is allowing the tricks up his sleeve. Millions of Americans will prescription drugs. Why? Because the provision
Department of Energy to retain radioactive be barred from voting in the Presidential in the Bush Medicare Bill prohibits Medicare
waste at nuclear waste dumps instead of placing Election because of legal barriers and other from negotiating for lower prices from drug
them in permanent storage. Now numerous sorts of dirty tricks like informing them they companies and it blocks the importation of
dumps have toxic waste seeping into our ground could not vote because of their outstanding cheaper drugs from Canada. It's no surprise that
water. When you have mutated kids with one parking tickets. The black population is espe- those drug companies contribute enormously to
eye, you have dear old Mr. Bush to thank. cially targeted. the Bush campaign.
9. In 1973, the Endangered Species Act 13. Under the Patriot Act, many of our 24. To help us with our college educa-
was created in order to ensure protection that rights will be relinquished. For example, a pre- tion, he is proposing a $270 million cut for Pell
pesticides would not harm plants, animals and viously needed judge mandated search warrant, Grants. His "No Child Left Behind" initiative is
fish. The Bush Administration is proposing to is no longer required for an authority figure to a travesty, 48 education programs will be cut
do away with it. That particular clause also pro- enter your home. and 18 others will be underfunded.
tects humans as well because it restricts dan- 14. Bush rules on his own personal 25. He really hates the environment.
gerous pollutants like mercury in the waters. 1 beliefs. A good president rules without preju- Over 200 environmental laws have been changed
Page 2
A Look Back on Bush's Tei Lm:
38,228 Reasons Why He Must be Defea ted By Joari Leong
to benefit corporate and polluter interests. The war. Bush is requesting for even more funding to problems paying their prescription drugs. He
"Clean-Skies Initiative" will give leeway to continue dwelling in Iraq. 32.9 million doesn't care for our education. He doesn't care
17,000 older coal-burning plants by not Americans are living in poverty with over 39% that many college graduates will be jobless due
requiring them to have go through the process of of them being children. Couldn't just some of it to his support of, outsourcing. He doesn't care
cleaning out hazardous pollutants before go to those living in misery? Pretty please? that many animals will go extinct with his new
releasing them into the atmosphere. .30. George Bush is a radical ring-wing leniency and cuts on wildlife programs. He just
26. In order to meet requirements for religious chauvinistic pig who doesn't care for doesn't care.
job quotas, McDonald's workers no longer work the environment or human life. He throws his 31 through 38,228. 1,198 coalition sol-
in a fast-food environment but they are holding support to extreme religious groups and his diers are dead. 1,060 were Americans, 138
a "manufacturing" job. ideologies are practically equivalent to the were other coalition troops. Another 1,198 rea-
27. He is the all-powerful controller of Afghani Taliban. His administration disguises sons why I hate bush. The 37,000 dead women,
all media. Bush ordered that no media be the 37,000 dead in Iraq as progress on ridding. children, fathers, sisters, brothers and families
allowed to show the hundreds of flag-covered of insurgents. They do not disclose the fact that in Iraq are another 37,000 reasons why I am not
coffins coming home from Iraq. at least 25,000 of those killed were innocent voting Bush. Those 37,000 dead will never ever
28. Since he cannot control al-Jazeera, women and children. He supports logging in all have another say-on this matter, but I still can.
he will annihilate them. A correspondent for our national protected forests and even in rain-
the Iraqi newsgroup was killed in April 2003. forests that don't belong to us in other coun- "The care of human life and happiness, and not
Few hours after that a US jet, turned its focus on tries. He'd rather see the money used for him their destruction, is the first and only object of
an al-Jazeera office. Freedom of the press is and his party instead of doing the right thing good government... The mass of mankind has not
prohibited. Oppose him and you will be blown and maintaining a safe and healthy environment been born with saddles on their backs, nor a
to pieces. for all us to live in. He is making sure his favored few to ride them. "
29. $166.5 billion dollars have already wealthy friends are staying rich while the mid- Thomas Jefferson
been spent on Bush's war to rid of the evil- dle-class and poor are getting poorer. He does-
doers. Billions are being spent everyday on the n't seem to care that the elderly have enough
·
s felt bad when my intent on getting rid of Bush, they seem to feel Another point tl ihat should be made is
)th seemed like they their only realistic choice is to vote for Kerry. that Calero was not bor n in the United States.
for good, but didn't Calero doesn't see a large distinction between H. was born in Nicarag ;ua. This, by our own
instances. the two candidates and claims' that, "It's not federal constitution, ba rs him from serving as
lemma of whether or enough to just vote what you're against." A President. Granted he is allowed to run for
relationship in the vote should be given to the candidate that President, but he will n ever, by our own laws,
place. I want to say reflects "what you stand and fight for." be elected.
it'd be okay, that Perhaps it is idealistic to vote for a candidate Calero's respon ise to this limitation
should try it out that, in all likelihood, won't make it to the seems to be that if enot ugh people want him to
ay, and see how it White House. However, a naive vote that sup- be President then they will be able to make
up. But, then again, ports the changes you want to see made seems whatever changes they nieed to in order to make
:'sthat mentality of much better than a vote that shows you've set- this possible. This fall:s right in with socialist
won't last, why start tied for the lesser of two evils. ideals, but it is too radi .cal for the public.
the first place?" I Calero proposed that we join together We are one huge mother-fucking nation.
Sthe girl wasn't and form a "collective strength" so that we may It is almost impossible t;o mobilize a nation our
g to rebel against her overcome the problems in our nation. He size and it seems that CCalero's efforts will all
e culture. She had admits, though, that the plan is one that will be in vein.
priorities set. It's a unfold as it goes along, which may be a scary
auestion of whether thought to some people.
or not you would pursue something that would Calero has an idea, yes, but it is ques-
ultimately fail and leave heartache. Is it really tionable whether or not he'll be able to make a
better to have loved and lost? It's that age old
question that still can't be answered except
through experience, and I guess even the answer
to that is different for each individual.
I'm glad that some people in this world
will put themselves before a greater cause,
despite their own search for happiness (I'm just
contradicting myself from the beginning, aren't
I?). However, what makes this country great is
the right of each person to find their own happi-
ness (at least on paper it says it). Pursuit of
happiness, so I'm told. Wait a minute, maybe you
don't need another person to be happy. Oh crap,
looks like I just had an epiphany. Well, to close,
before I mix it up anymore, I think that it's
wrong to allow anything other than your own
preference and mind to restrict the people you
want to be with (it's obvious the Jewish girl
wanted to be with my friend). When it's a pref-
erence, okay, fine. But when it's a restriction
you have no control over, well, that's not cool...at
least not in my book. And I like my book.
Page 5
Editorials
I _ _ _ _ _ I__ ~ _ _ ____· I_ _ _I _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
•I--
sub1:Comman'dat
sub Commandante
- _-
The Other Victims of Rape
Joe Filippazzo In the edition of The Press that's in your hands short of naive and dangerous; failing to take in the fac-
right now, there is a very important article entitled "Is tors of psychological coercion, fear, abuse of power, and
Unmanageable Editor Anybody Listening?" In it, the author invokes a topic learned helplessness.
Mike Billings that few people are comfortable talking about; the issue Another myth that undermines the gravity of the
of sexual abuse. What makes the piece especially unex- situation is the idea that men are pleasure-driven ani-
pected, however, is that it was written by a man. During mals whose sexually predatorial nature is held tenu-
A Socialist Editor the course of the article, a running thread is the fact ously at bay by societal norms. According to this view,
Amberly Timperio that few, if any, of the people he told his story to took any sexual action will be welcomed by the average man
him seriously. Instead of being greeted with sympathy, whether he asked for it or not. This is simply false.
Biz Mikey the author was frequently met with disdain and preju- Men are like anyone else; if they don't want something,
Michael Prazak dice. It needs to be understood that males can most cer- they will not appreciate it forced upon them. Men are
tainly be the victims of sexual abuse, and their prob- also not sexual maniacs as the stereotype suggests;
Nudes Editors lems need to be taken seriously. there are plenty of times when sexual advances are
According to statistics, about 9% of all rape vic- unwanted, and to think otherwise opens the door to a
Brittany Brockner justification for rape.
tims are male, and this number is almost certainly an
David K. Ginn under-representation considering the stigma assigned All of this adds up to the sad fact that male vic-
to males who admit their abuse. Although the sheer tims of sexual abuse often have a tough time garnering
Feat. Editor Exclusive! numbers are relatively small when compared to the sta- sympathy and understanding from those around them.
Melanie Donovan tistics for females, the real point is that men can be The idea that everyone needs to keep with them is that
abused or raped, and they are affected by such an inci- anyone, regardless of race, religion, or gender can be
SArts Editor dent just as much as women. There seems to be a per-
ception that men, who are typically perceived to be
victimized. Keeping this in mind, what everyone can do
is be respectful and don't act like a jerk. It's really that
Meri Wayne simple. And if someone does open up to you, don't make
stronger and more aggressive than females, can't be
raped or sexually abused since they could just fight the fun of them or turn them away; hear them out and try to
Pharoah of Phocus attacker off and run away. This point of view is nothing help them find whatever help they feel they need.
Jowy Romano
C(pv EditOr-
Andrew Pernick - No Pulse, No Glory
Counterproductive Here at The Stony Brook Presswe feel that main- ship would be shown to be clearly better.
Manager stream, commercial media has truly lost touch with the Mainstream media no longer gives the people
Rob Pearsall people it is supposed to be serving, and to use the old what they want, but instead gives the people what media
adage, no longer "has it's finger on the pulse of the com- thinks they should have and makes them like it that
,Webslinger munity". In the media today there is open conflict way. When was the last time a positive story was broad-
amongst the "facts" being reported by networks. The cast on the news? When there is a positive story, it's
Adam Hunter lack of understanding of the public does not end there. usually no more then 45 seconds long and there is a 25
After every debate, MSNBC and FOX, among many second ceremony about how this story was featured
Uberbudsman others, have had internet polls and phone-in polls for because the American people want more positive sto-
Dustin Herlich ries, so here they are! It's just a gimmick to make peo-
-----
Staff
people to say who they thought won the debate. It's not
unheard of for a show to get a hold of the polls, and then ple think they're getting what they "want". News has
argue against them. Wh4t's the point of having a poll if become entertainment.
I __ I
you're going to look at them, then tell the world that you The days of hard news are all but over. News
I I
o
hink your own poll is flawed and wrong'! oes anyone anchors are little more then actors who might have had
Nicole Barry, James Blonde, Anthony
Sarah Cassone, Willy Ise see a conflict here? a different major in college. They often get paid right
Brancato, Bev Bryan,
Cibinskas, Tom Clark, Tim Connors, Juliet More respected, more "scientific" polls are no along par with their Hollywood counterparts.
DiFrenza, Rich Drummond, Mike petter. They often conflict with each other, and almost Newspaper writers have become sensationalist and
"Bubblz" Fabbri, Vincent Festa, Rob igain never agree with the unofficial internet polls. trashy. It's not a matter of what's right and what's real;
Gilheany, Sam Goldman, Tara Lynn Groth, ust because Bill O'Reilly is unhappy that Bush can't it's a matter of selling issues (or claiming to sell that
Jackie Hayes, Steph Hayes, Russ Heller, peak English and loses debates faster than the voice in many issues) and pandering to the lowest common
Dan Hofer, Mansoor Khan, Rob Kruper, iis earpiece can keep up with doesn't mean that he denominator. We here at The Press have a very differ-
Mike "The Count" LeComte, Joan Leong, ent take on things.
;hould be telling America that his polls are all wrong.
Gary Lubrat, Jamie Mignone, Mike We are an open forum for ideas of every kind and
Nevradakis, Joe Rios, Adam Schlagman,
Nor should he proceed to speak about the vast left wing
:onspiracy and their attempts to throw his polls off on articles from any source. While what gets handed in at
Kieth C. Smith, Chris Sorochin, Claudia
Toloza, Merve Tuncel, Jon Vaillancourt,
)urpose. deadline these days may be slanted mostly towards one
Marcel Votlucka, Matt Willemain, Brian Yes, the Democratic Party DID send out e-mails direction or the other, we'd gladly print a piece from
Wong, Jessica Worthington, Kempleton o registered Democrats asking them to mobilize to vote any angle, even upside-down. Don't believe us, try us.
n polls after the debates, but the Republican Party can Send in an article, watch it getprinted. By being a truly
The Stony Brook Pressis published do the same and this was in no way done in secret. If open forum, and not censoring, we can easily say that
fortnightly during the academic year
and twice during the summer inters- hey really did mobilize more people to vote in these our fingers ARE on the pulse of the community, as it's
ession by The Stony Brook Press, a stu- polls, maybe that means they are just better leaders and the entire community directly contributing to make up
dent run-and student funded non- what's clearly the best newspaper in the world.
profit organization funded by the nay mobilize more people to vote in the upcoming elec-
Student Activity Fee. ion. In that case, they deserve to win as their leader-
The opinions expressed in letters,
articles and viewpoints do not nec-
essarily reflect those of The Stony ~i~i~=i-~;i-~ts~caw~sWs~~"B~BhBliaP~a~ks
___ ---------
~----~-
-;I~BC~"-~li~;T~Z~B
Brook Press.
Advertising policy does not
necessarily reflect editorial policy.
Wanna Know Where You Can Stick Your Opnions
For more information on advertising
and deadlines call (631)632-6451. Staff (hint: It Rhymes With "Stained-Glasshole")
meetings are held Wednesdays at 1:00
pm. First copy free. For additional
copies contact the Business Manager.
The Stony Brook Press
Suites 060 & 061
sbpress ic.sunysb.edu
Student Union
SUNY at Stony Brook
Stony Brook, NY 11794-3200 or website-it-up big time at
(631) 632-6451 Voice
(631) 632-4137 Fax
e-mail: sbpress@ic.sunysb.edu
www.thepress.info I www.thepress.info - '- ' - ~s
-·
-- ~-
Page 6
~"ll~·r I.Stong Lro I
Letters
T^ "^ ^ c
Page 8
- --·
AnybodyUstenir
·
1g?
-- By Tommy Walker
being Christian. In all my time on this earth, I was keeping the money flowing in. Standing here at Stony. I moved in early to help move in
have never met anyone who is religious and there, looking at my image, I knew that my RAs freshmen as,part of the Welcome Wagon program
willing to block someone from meeting someone had failed me and the other students in my dorm here at Stony Brook. Since I moved in, people in
else-in there time of sorrow while they seek building; I "knew" that the RAs and this "fine my building would turn there heads the other
help on the basis of the peoples' faith. college" did not care, nor did they want to hear way when I would pass; the people, like last
Two RAs in my building had failed me, my voice of pain as I cried for help. Every time year, would not respond when I say hello to
my RHD had failed me, the WoMen's Center had that year I walked pass the RA's office in my them. I have been told both via AIM and in per-
failed me, Stony Brook University had failed me building, I would hear them (all the buildings son by people that I am hated in my building,
when I needed asked for help. November 11, that members of the same LEG and E-board that
2003, Newsday (Suffolk ed.) ran a story about a I worked for were now telling people that I am "a
male student that took his life on campus; in psycho and a danger" yet no one had been hurt
that short news story, Shirley Strum Kenny had in my building by anyone other than the fight
said there was help here on SBU for between the two roommates. In the stairwells of
students/staff if they needed the help. Yet no my building, I have been given .sucker punches
one had stopped to help me when I asked for it as I walk by, and still I don't do anything. Even
before the student took his life, and after that, now I am finding out that someone on my build-
day. ing's E-board has been going around telling
I am a male victim of a sex crime. people the RAs do not want me around which, if
Funny at how painful the statement is said to the wrong kind of person, can lead them
for me to utter. The pain gets to the point that I to thinking that it is ok for them to go after me.
wish for the kiss of death to end it. Every time I have been in the position in my life
I told my RA and RHD that year that I felt like I where I had to fight for every inch of ground
was slipping away, that I did not feel part of the that I could walk on. In my town I had to con-
community in my building, I found them saying tend with people that sought my blood and pain
nothing, as if it did not matter to them. Like a RAs) ridiculing and mocking a male student that could be inflicted on me. This year, while
deaf person trying to scream, I felt like I was that was having trouble with his roommate. Not I asked my RHD and quad staff what was going
breaking apart, having my insides being cut too long after, I had lost all hope for my RAs and on in my building and what could I do to get this
apart with razors to the pace of R.E.M. songs. RHD. The kid was roughed up by his roommate trash talking to stop, other than moving (which
RAs in my building would tell me that I look and it was I who was willing to put the kid up for is something I had been told before, but that
depressed but they did nothing past that; no one the night and to stay up late with him talking to would put me away from the buildings I need to
did anything other than leave me there to bleed. him to make sure that he was ok. Even after he be in for doing classwork and studies) there was
Feeling too put out and detached from my build- had the fight with his roommate, the RAs sat no practical answers they gave me. In one
ing, I stopped going to my building's E-board around the office joking about him. As I was breath, my current RHD and quad staff member
and LEG meetings, but no one seemed to notice. leaving my building at the end of the school told me that they could not see anyone in my
With arms in crimson red, I left at the year, there was a car parked in a handicapped building saying the kind of stuff that I informed
year's end to go back to my old stomping ground. parking space (the driver had no handicap them about, nor could they even see anyone in
Playing "Suicide Is Painless" in my dorm room, stickers on the car to indicate that he was there the building having that much control over
I drank a mix of Rum and JD with a fistful of for a handicapped person) which was needed for other people in my building, but if I was to
pills. Stretched out on :my bed, feeling the a car with a handicapped sticker that was try- become "buddy-buddy" with one of the RAs,
numbness wash over me, my mind relived all the ing to find a parking space, all of which were then I am sure ;to. betetter .received .in..my build-
images of what happened and there was no help filled with cars that where not 'meant to be ing. In one statement that was uttered, I found
around when I asked for it. Something calling to parked there. When the diver of the illegally the RHD and staff member admitting that some-
me made me get up off my bed to look at my face parked car refused to move when asked, I went one in the building can and does have such con-
in the mirror in the bathroom. I stood there to the RAs in the office to let them know there- trol and power over people: it was last year that
looking at my hollowed face seeing how the was a problem out side, the RA's said "it is not under the "suggestion" of my former LEG pres-
years of youth were robbed from me. No one I my job or problem." It seems that nothing is ident that I did join LEG and the E-board of my
talked to here at SBU seemed to care about what anyone's job here at SBU. building. When you have anyone who is put in
was going on; all the school seemed to care about It's a new year and I find myself back a position of power on control based on a title,
you do have people that will listen to them since
....
....
... ...
.... - -----------------. . . .. . .-.. .. - --.. ..-- r... . .... . . . ......
.. ... .
.... . .
that is what we are all meant to do.
HOURS: The CSA students, members of The
Every Day lOAM to 9PM
'I--" r"
r(t -
A A An
Press, people from other buildings, and The
Stony Shisha Smokers all had been nicer to me
Sunday 10AM to than the people in my building and in my build-
ing's LEG and E-board. I had found the Ombuds
office to be the only place where people know
where I could find any help this year, and it is
sad that they know more about where to go than
the staff from the college itself would know.
i···l·L1*L~-i~y~SLL .·--L· BP- L--- ·IY~Y _._. .........- ·.,:. .s. : This year I even found that our current USG
sorry for all the people that Stony did not help
or that they just seemed not to care about.
.....-
i.• ' : .....
• .".......... - .. ..
..... ~.
ii......,--- "
-- -
•Li " . .·-".....:-- .......
· ~
. 'I".~ a~l:
,~- •. .... :• . . . -.•:••'...;•~......"=;..........-'"""-' ".........................
age 9
Debate? What Debal Pe?
-
The Awful Truth About the CPD
By Marcel Votlucka
Intro: There is no real debate the questions asked by audience members in the their forum and theirs alone. This rule ulti-
"town hall" style debate on October 8. And mately stifles the democratic exchange of ideas,
62.5 million viewers watched the first most of the questions, as we have seen, aren't even as some people justify this rule as prag-
televised debate between John Kerry and George exactly "hardball" questions forcing the candi- matic.
W. Bush on Thursday. The verdict seems to be dates to give truly revealing responses. Third, in 2000 the CPD established
that Kerry came out on top, while Bush came off * only so-called "soft" Kerry supporters and another exclusionary rule: third party and
as befuddled, irritable, and overwhelmed at "soft" Bush supporters will be allowed to par- independent candidates have to reach 15% in
times. The most memorable thing about the ticipate; those who lean toward other candi- pre-debate polls in order to be included in the
debate, though, is neither a specific one-liner dates, or none at all, will be excluded. debates. For most, this kind of support is dif-
nor argument nor the body language of a certain * there are detailed rules governing how cam- ficult to obtain, if at all. The media, dominated
President, but the fact that more worthy candi- eras will be focused on the candidates, the mod- by the bipartisan system, is not so welcoming to
dates were not included on the stage. erators, and the crowd, as well as how photogra- voices of dissent.
While watching the pre-debate coverage, phers will take photographs of candidates; this The truth is clear: the CPD stacks the deck
broadcast outside the debate hall, I remember is an attempt to control all images so that every- against dissenting voices, keeping its favored
seeing several "Debate Nader" signs in the thing is "picture perfect," so to say (we've seen, parties cozy while stifling truly honest debate.
audience. The pundits may claim that Kerry though, that the networks have chosen to ignore
gave an aggressive performance, but Nader-had this rule). II. Corporate money and the CPD
he been present-could've given a much stronger
performance, making Kerry's and Bush's lives a In general, the debates are set up so as to One of the biggest sources of outrage
living hell for ninety minutes. He, or any of the provide a highly controlled forum, with regarding the CPD is its ties to corporations and
other major third party candidates for that mat-. absolutely no room for spontaneity. .There is no its use of corporate money in staging debates.
ter, would've truly held both' the Senator and the substantive clash of issues which would give us After all, the debates are funded primarily by
President accountable for their principles and a deeper view into the candidates' principles. corporate contributions. Frank Fahrenkopf and
their actions, forced some sanity into this Candidates have only a small amount of time to Paul Kirk, the chairmen of the organization, are
horserace. But with only two men with relative- give their positions, all images are tightly con- both lobbyists-Fahrenkopf is a lobbyist for the
ly minor policy differences on the stage, this trolled, all questions from'audience members gambling/casino industry, and Kirk is a lobby-
was not a real debate worthy of the name. Voters are carefully vetted, and the result is a bland, ist for the pharmaceutical industry. And of
want more and deserve better; a recent Zogby uninspiring Q & A session rather than a hard- course we must factor in the fact that the organ-
Poll reveals that 57 percent of likely voters, hitting discussion of issues and principles. ization itself is operated by officials of both
want independent and third party candidates As the product of a joint effort between the parties, who consistently do favors for big busi-
included in the presidential debates. So why Republican and Democratic Parties, the CPD ness in order to get ahead in the game.
isn't it happening? exists expressly for the purpose of enriching The Federal Election Campaign Act
the bipartisan system. According to the Final (FECA) prohibits corporations from making
I. The CPD and how it orchestrates the Report of the Commission on National Elections, "contributions" or "expenditures-" to federal
"debates" circa April 1986: election campaigns. However, there are loop-
"The commission therefore urges the two holes that the CPD uses gleefully. The CPD, as
Presidential debates are handled under parties to assume responsibility for sponsoring a tax-exempt organization;, is subject to Section
the auspices of the Commission on Presidential and otherwise ensuring that presidentialcandi- 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code, which
Debates (CPD), a nonprofit corporation created date joint appearances are made a permanent forbids such organizations from "participating
in 1987 by a joint effort between the DNC and and integral part of the presidential election or intervening, directly or indirectly, in any
the RNC. It is currently chaired by former RNC process. If they do so, the commission believes political campaign on behalf of or in opposition
chairman Frank Fahrenkopf and former DNC thaitthe parties will strengthen both the process to any candidate for public office." Because the
chairman Paul Kirk. The CPD sets up and stages and themselves. The. parties may decide to del- CPD does not explicitly endorse or oppose any
the presidential debates according to the whims egate sponsorship or to involve other groups or single candidate or party, this is not construed
of the two major parties, and the rules and pro- the television networks, but ultimate responsi- as such 'participation' or 'intervention'; thus it
cedures are specifically designed to lock out bility should rest with the parties." may use corporate donations to stage debates.
other candidates as well as to make the debates Not surprisingly, the CPD systematical- Private sponsorship and funding of
themselves into bland Q & A sessions instead of ly prevents third party and independent candi- debates (such as with the League of Women
actual "debates," in the true sense of the'word. dates from entering the process. First, an Voters, which formerly sponsored the debates
Here's how it works: the two major par- Advisory Committees determines if third party until 1988) is not a bad thing in and of itself,
ties negotiate agreements called "Memoranda of candidates may be included. Their members, as but when you have politicians and big business
Understanding" which outline the specific pro- well as the directors, of the CPD, hail from the firmly in each other's pockets, this clearly
cedures to be employed in the debates. This was ranks of the DNC, the RNC, the bipartisan cam- leads to a government not of the people, but of
first done in the 1988 campaign between George paigns, and Congress. Their recommendations big business. This is not democratic this is
Bush Sr. and Michael Dukakis. The CPD sets up are not binding. Thus, the parties and their corporate fascism. Candidates necessarily shy
the debates according to the instructions out- candidates can (and do) choose to disregard away from issues such as corporate welfare,
lined within these clandestine agreements. For their recommendations when negotiating the subsidies to business and agriculture, so-
exarriple, the most recent debate procedures. The called "free trade" and globalization, and issues
memorandum, for 2004, inclusion or otner canai- affectirg workers and consumers. The fact that
provides for the following: dates, such as Ross Perot the CPD's debates are corporate-dominated is
in 1992, is therefore left further evidence of their undemocratic nature.
* no opening statements up to the whims of the Why do the parties rely on this appara-
* props, notes, charts, major party candidates. tus? Open Debates puts it succinctly:
diagrams, or other writ- Second, invitees must be "[I]f the Republican"and Democratic candidates
ings are forbidden from on the ballot in enough openly hosted their own debates, not only would
being brought into the states to be able to win an they have to pay for them, but they would also
debate Electoral College majority. be held accountable for them. If uninspiring
* candidates cannot ask For some parties this goal formats were used. . . . If a candidate the
each other questions or is reachable; for others it American people wanted to see was excluded. .
directly address each is not. Independent candi- .If important issues were ignored, it would be
other dates with no party sup- the fault of the major party candidates. Under
* no audience participa- port whatsoever have a the auspices of direct party sponsorship,, the
tion at all in the first and much harder time meeting public would realize that third-party chkal-
last debates this requirement, needless lengers and difficult questions were excluded
* response time of a mere to- say. Of course, for political reasons, and major party candi-
90, seconds Democratic and dates would likely pay a price on Election Day. "
* The moderator, hand Republican candidates are So there you have it: the CPD is nothing
picked by the CPD, will automatically invited; the more than a sham organization intended to
have sole discretion over debates are meant to be shield the major party candidates from a real,
'Page 10
_ __
candidates to negotiate the rules and proce- and offer possible solutions. In short, the Commission on
dures that will benefit them the most. And this They are a significant voice of Presidential Debates works to
of course includes the exclusion of other candi- dissent and reform. They fight create a bubble of safety for the
dates, ignorance of real, consequential issues, to 'speak truth to power' and major party candidates, insu-
"soft" vetted questions asked by passive moder- keep those in power accountable lating them from true debate
ators, and half-assed attempts to engage voters. to the people. In their own way, and stifling the democratic
These "debates" are just glorified press confer- many of this year's independent process. It systematically
ences and Q & A sessions-and not very inform-. and third party contenders- locks out other voices of dissent
ative ones at that. Ralph Nader and reform in an attempt to
(independent/Reform Party), secure the bipartisan system's
III. No debate equals no democracy Michael Badnarik (Libertarian stranglehold over, American
Party), David Cobb (Green politics. People need to chal-
I point out all these things to show that Party), and Michael Peroutka lenge this state of affairs and
without a real debate, there is no democracy. (Constitution Party) being the demand real reform, demand
The major parties, as we have seen, choose to fret best-known--make more valu- real choices, and demand real,
over minor foreign policy squabbles and able contributions to the elec- open debates. The future of
insignificant domestic policy differences, toral process and^the process of American democracy depends
rather than bravely face the more consequential reform than do the Democratic on it.
issues in this country: the broadening reach of and Republican Parties. Including these Author's Note; Open Debates
corporate power, corporate welfare, the cost of silenced voices would only be beneficial to the (www.opendebates.org) is an excellent resource
war and the benefits of peace, comprehensive democratic process. Real issues could be for learning more about this important issue.
tax reform, wasteful government spending, elec- approached from a completely different per- Its founder, George Farah, is the author of the
tion reform, media ownership, civil liberties, spective from the two major parties. The public new book No Debate: How the Republican and
the ramifications of the PATRIOT Act, immigra- could have a chance to see issues in a different Democratic Parties Secretly Control the
tion issues, outsourcing of labor, mass transit light. Most importantly, the major party candi- PresidentialDebates. The site also gives infor-
in cities, the Drug War, iniquities faced by dates might actually have to earn their votes mation about the nascent Citizens Debate
minorities within the justice system, and feder- instead of relying on "the lesser of two evils" Commission, an independent and neutral organ-
al funding for scientific research. strategy. In the end, voters would start to feel ization which aims to take control of the debates
Third party and independent candidates that they have real choices. from the CPD.
Page 12
- --
Goodbye
-- --
Sco Goodbye
----------I
RodrI
By Dustin Herlich
An article about both Scott Muni and radio and radio history lets me see him as a pio- pie like Chevy Chase and Bull Murray, Rodney
Rodney Dangerfield may seem strange, as they neer and a legend. I know that many of the DJ's did more than hold his own, and soon started
easily deserve their own separate tribute at our own campus radio station were sad to hear doing his own movies and stand up again. I
pieces, but considering that they both passed of his passing. Scott's career has had a vastly remember watching his movies'growing up, and
away within a short period of time, and that- positive effect on the world of radio, and on the always enjoying them. Watching the same
they both had a profound effect on my life, as ears of listeners. He'll be sorely missed. movies now, I can appreciate them on a totally
well as the lives of many others, I'll try and do- Rodney Dangerfield might not have been different level.
them both justice with a single tribute piece. a radio DJ, but his voice, and his antics have While many comedians are self depreci-
Scott Muni was an award winning radio made millions laugh, and he has certainly ating, he delivers it with a style unlike any
DJ who had been on the air since his time in the cemented his place in "show biz" history for all other. Bug-eyed, wearing shirts too small for
Marines, where he was stationed in Guam. time. He was born Jacob Cohen on Nov.22 1921 him, he's unmistakable. His body language and
While in the service Muni is remembered as in Babylon, Long Island to a mother who didn't use of the English language are simply hilari-
having a segment of his show in which he'd read seem to care, and a father who was never there. ous. His jokes aren't usually overly complex,
the "Dear John" letters his fellow service- )ut simply funny. Being that he's clearly
men would receive; in his civilian career, he ewish also guaranteed that he was a regu-
is remembered as being a groundbreaking ar feature on the TV and as a topic of con-
DJ who helped form the atmosphere thal versation in my ho.use growing up.
allowed protest songs and alternative rock Rodney Dangerfield's Judaism also
to be played. neans to many that he's something of a
While Muni is remembered for hav- iero. In his own way, he's been compared
ing played the Beatles early on, and work- o other greats with Jewish roots, such as
ing with many artists, few know that the Albert Einstein, Yitzhak Pearlman and
movie Dog Day Afternoon is based on a Samuel Clemens (most of us know him as
phone call he got on air one afternoon from vlark Twain).
bank robbers holed up in a bank with Whether you see him as a hero for mod-
hostages. He was also the voice used in old ern Jews, or simply as someone who can
Rolaids commercials. His encyclopedic nake an entire audience burst out laugh-
knowledge, of all things Rock and Roll ng, Rodney definitely gets our respect. In
helped earn him the Nickname "The nemoriam to Mr. Dangerfield some of us
Professor." lere at The Press watched Back to School
"Scottso," as he was often referred :he other night.
to, had not only helped to promote free form It's sad to think that we can't enjoy any
radio, but his interviews with artists like lew Rodney Dangerfield movies, or any
Pete Townsend and Paul McCartney are leg- Early on he experienced hardship, but also more Scott Muni shows in the afternoon. While
endary. Experiences like a partied-out Jimmie show buisiness. He traveled with his father and both men have had far better tributes done for
Page collapsing in his studio during an inter- brother doing comedy and juggling at a young them on the radio and TV, it would simply be
view are still fresh- in the memories of many of age. Throughout his career, he changed his improper not to mention them in this paper.
his fans. Being that Scott was a huge Beatles fan, name several times, and even left the business Scott's style and innovation has had its effect on
after the death of John Lennon, Scott opened completely at one point. When he returned many of us Who are involved with some sort of
every show with a Beatles song. eventually in the 1970's, his agent gave him the broadcasting, and Rodney's humor is never for-
I rem'ember him most vividly as the DJ of absurd name we all know him by, Rodney gotten, and often poorly duplicated amongst
his last gig on WXRQ, a position he held since Dangerfield. these very pages.
1998. Being that I am a huge classic rock fan, The first movie he is remembered for is So long Scott, So long Rodney. You'll be
his show was one of my favorites. Mv interest in Caddy Shack. Along side an all-star cast of peo- sorely missed.
Yo Mamma!
· ,, I I I ir
so damn stupid!
By Joe Rios
You've all heard it before. A little "diss- ally did sleep with his mother, then you've got
ing" amongst friends leads into a round of "Yo something backing you. But then again, if you In order to get a fresh perspective or
Mamma" jokes. We've all heard them before too. slept with his mother, he probably has good rather, an adult perspective, I made a phone
"Your mamma is so fat...." "Your mamma is so right to beat the hell out of you anyways... YOU call. You guessed it! I called my mom. I asked
ugly...' "Your mamma is so old..." SICK FUCK! her about the "Yo mamma" joke situation. I
And of course this goes on and on until Since I learned to not use "Yo Mamma" asked her if kids should take them to heart, do
two things happen; 1) Somebody realizes how- jokes, I've also become impervious to the jokes the mothers even care, and, would they want
stupid the sounds, and gives up, or, 2) Someone from others. So when I hear a joke like "Yo their kids getting into fights over such trivial
says the wrong thing, and punches start flying. mama's so nasty, a skunk smelled her ass and things. My mother in her infinite wisdom said
Either way there is only one way to describe the passed out," I tend to not listen, because I know the following, "NO don't take them to heart.
allowance of such jokes and that is Fucking better and realize that the person who is saying Kids say mean things they don't mean, but YES
Stupid. the joke is that uncreative that he can't crack a mother does care. We always care. That is what
I mean who gives a flying shit about your jokes-n me... well who's the dumb ass there. being a mother is all about, and NO, as a moth-
mother. She's not here, she USUALLY isn't that Foamy The Squirrel from er you never want to see your kid in a fight."
fat, ugly, stupid, or nasty. In addition she prob- IllWillPress.Com commented on this a while Thanks mom for all the help!
ably doesn't even give a shit about what the back saying "The next time someone says to you So this leads us to the following things;
other person is saying about her because she 'Oh yeah, well I slept with your mamma.' You your mother doesn't want you to get all worked
knows it's meaningless, and she'd probably beat say to them 'Well while you were busy trying to up about the jokes, even though she cares. She
the shit out of you like when you were little for score with old ladies... I carved my name in your also doesn't want to have to bail you out of jail
saying such stupid things. mothers uterus while she was giving oral.sex to because you beat someone'up in a bar over a "Yo
I've heard, and said my fair share of "Yo the family dog.' Guaranteed to throw a punch or Mamma" joke. Now go make your mother proud!
Mamma" jokes, but there comes a point where two." So what does this imply??? Get creative,
you realize that it's just dumb. Now if you actu- because our moms are laughing at us for being
Page'13
On Bulislhit,
Arrogance and the White Man's God Com ,lex
- - ByJamie Mlignone
Speaking and writing "properly" is an The words we use and the way we use word "boring" repeatedly is borin g, sorry.
absurd goal to vie for. Objectivity is the mission them influence the way we think. People use Sndoty cowards in their sheltered ivo ry towers
of the fool, no, it is the mission of the coward, hate words and are either scorned or approved like any reason to hate the rest of t he world,
someorne so scared of the world in front of them of. Those who find approval in hatefully pigeon- especially the rest with an opinion (which is
that they feel they must whitewash their holing others with labels don't get to confront ingrained in everything we do whethe r we like
account of it so as to avoid confronting their own their own lack of understanding. What's worse it or not, see below), and they loathe pceople who
fear. is that they actually start enjoying the hate refuse to keep their opinions to th emselves.
Dear reader, if you meet someone afflict- behind the words; it's reinforced by the That's cause they're scared BOO! So t hey try to
ed with this obsession, give them a hug, they approval of ignorant cowards. Hate words are make us think that we need to do ever ything the
need it badly. Indeed, if yoyouourself are bad. same, (boring). And they start with language,
repressing your emotions by stifling your own What's a language? Is it something writ- which is very sneaky in its influence.
creativity, then by all means come down to The ten in stone for eternity? Did God say, "Let Objectivity and the illusion the reof were
Press office, and I will hug you, we can cuddle, there be English," and there was and it was also created by the elite to keep u s in line.
and I'll let you know that it's all gonna be okay. good? No. Our languages have grown and evolved We're supposed to suspend disbelief a nd detach
You are allowed to live life, despite what you are just like life. They differentiate as time goes by, ourselves from what we do and feel an d observe,
making yourself think, and they tend to function well in the environ- but unless we take massive amounts c)f valium,
nents that spawn them. that is impossible. The RNC was probably shit-
Shakespeare was a genius and a ty. I would have had a horrible time had I stayed
great contributor to the English home, so I went to Burning Man instead for some
-ulture, (he invented lotsa glossolalia and fun. There's no way in this uni-
vords, and oh yeah, he wrote verse that the qualities I observed and experi-
)lays too), but his lexicon has enced about anything I've ever done can be
gone the way of the dodo. Thine translated or commuted by language in their
vords art obsolete, Billy. Our entirety, and my attempt to deliver meaning
ovely Amerikan bastardization would become even more feeble if I lied to the
)f the English language ain't reader by supposedly being objective. I could
zxactly English. If you don't .not have given an account of something that I
believe me, give a call to some- hated that would have been worth reading. You
ne in Scotland, and try your would feel the hate, and hate reading it. There
lamndest to understand what would be no account of "how." "Why," would
resemble words coming from describe peoples' actions as if they were
their mouths. You cannot. And automatons, robots, not interested entities, but
they live right next to England! that's the plan. The white man's got a God com-
Can I bum a fag? Poetic license plex and he wants us all to be just like hate
goes a long way, and words and just like robots, ignorant and soul-
Shakespeare would back; me up less. . i
on this one. Arrogant cowards, that's two words.
I like poetry, and I loves They've both got meaning. They both have con-
Cursing is fuckin' good. It makes lan- me some good hip-hop. My favorite rhymes are notations that are not written in the dictionary
guage more fun, -it animates meaning, and it's the ones that don't actually rhyme, but the MC next to their supposed definition. They both
great to actually use that first fucking amend- does it anyway, and its badass. describe the white man and the people that fol-
ment that we're enrtitled to as living entities. So, where does a language start and end? low his agenda by turning a dispassionate and,
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Oh, yeah, "cunt" is That would be proper, wouldn't it? It would have deaf ear to the world.
one of my favorite words. It lets the person that: to make sense. Haha, it doesn't make sense. The I don't presume to know the definitive
its directed toward know that you really mean starting point is gone and the end is nowhere in rules about anything, but I have ap perspective
the other words strung nearby. Its very power- sight, that's why Webster makes a new diction- and I make choices. I'm not sure I'm conveying
ful. If only there were a word as strong, but with ary every year. Silly Webster. meaning with this text; that requires a reader,
a good connotation. If arybody knows one, There're some people who hold their who also has a perspective and the ability, even
please let me know, 'cause I wanna use it. academic indoctrination sacred. Its called the need to make choices. If that's you, congrat-
How can speaking and writing "proper- bra ahiwashing, and it's a shame. They like to feel ulations, thanks for reading this! I invite you to
ly" be an absurd notion? Have we wasted years that they are better than other people by virtue rant and opine with us at The Stony Brook Press,
of precious time in middle school learning of their own lack of creativity, like all elitists. its fun! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! That's an
about gerunds and dangling participles? Yes we I don't believe in copy editing (sorry Andrew, order!
have! Forget the policy; here's whatcha gotta we appreciate it). Adhering to one standard is
know.
...·I ri · · I I-- · boring, boring, boring. See, even reading the
1~ I ~I I i · I -- I-i I
JOIN S U- TV 20
virP DIEiMCYNIDUG
Ngol.uig8
CAM'RA. P]OlC. :
ER
R IIT-
C A#PCR*RMr
*wlE,* .....
DROP BY RO OM 074 IN THS UNION BAS MENT
S* .MAl.
131 -1
I . -·I. II i·· I I · · i · Il ·~ · I
Page 14
1 ; _ L _ _ __
Dont Panic:
The Hitchhiker's Guide to Black Rock City
;:;; · By Adam Kearney
The Galaxy is a very big place. It is in released in the beginning of April and they ured out. Computer-rin light sequencers,
fact too large for anyone to comprehend. And if gradually increase in price from $150 to $250 Stonehenge-like pillars containing speakers
one could get a grasp around its size, it would throughout the months leading up to the event in emitting the history of the Lakota tribes,
still remain impos-sible to know everything that August. If you've forgotten to purchase a ticket strange huts you enter to find an obscured video
was going on inside. Burning Man is similar to they will "size you up" at the door and charge of the desert outside projected onto a stone
the Galaxy in that respect. This report is you whatever they think you can afford, so if table; nearly everything you can possibly imag-
intended to help a would-be wanderer make it you're in a half million-dollar RV expect to pay ine building that is strange and terrific you
there, .survive, and return retaining all the out the ass. Some of the oddest creatures you will probably inadvertently stumble upon at
appropriate appendages. may encounter on the journey are the volunteers night on the playa at Burning Man.
The Man burns about 60 miles out of who actually build the City from scratch during Another attraction you find on the playa
Reno in the Black Rock desert, a dried up the preceding month or so in exchange for free is the Mutant Vehicle, a.k.a. art car. People
lakebed surrounded by ancient mountains. entrance, meals, shelter, etc. They are the spend months even years constructing these
There is no water or electricity out there, only desert people, to be respected, taken care of, massive moving masterpieces out of old pick up
dust called playa; which after analysis turns and understood. It is hard work building roads, trucks until they are fully unrecognizable, and
out to be petrified fish excrement, but its not street signs, buildings, and of course The Man beautiful, and weird. Some are fish, some are
all that bad as it leaves you with a fine coating over the course of months in preparation for one spaceships... and seeing a glowing boat gliding
of desert that quickly adapts your appearance across the desert at night is truly remarkable.
to that of the other 35,000 participants. Most of them are completely coated in EL wire, a
If you must travel for thousands of glowing material that runs on electricity so that
miles, fly. It saves gas, money, nature, and it it's possible to sequence them or make them
gets you there quicker. However, you will need blink rapidly. All of them have thumping sub-
a ride to the desert; the only way to enter the woofers and a load of Burners. Occasionally you
event is by a two-hour drive down a two-lane -may observe a double-decker bus with a band
highway. This means you're going to have to and a strange drink called a Pan Galactic Gargle
hitch a ride, but you are in luck, thanks to the Blaster. The .cars usually have enough room for
wizards at the International Black Rock Burner the driver and twenty or so passengers. They
Hostile and Ride Share Program. This may have bars and escort you around the' playa,
sound intimidating, but once you arrive (via cab shuttling between the Man and the Temple of
from airport) at Haggie's house in Sparks (the Stars that lies beyond, across an open expanse.
town adjacent to Reno) and find his backyard The bicycles are usually mutated as
filled with assorted tents, a barbecue, a pool, well; packs of cyclists will whip past you in
musical instruments, beer, couches and a fire- trails of EL lightstick colors, the intertwined
place, you should feel right at home. There are patterns on the spokes rotating across the
also fifty or so other Burners and would-be blackness of the desert. In the background you
Burners contributing to the considerate anar- will hear sounds of multiple DJ's at different
chism being generated in this generous man's parties across the City, resonating off of the
abode, some veterans who've been participating surrounding mountains, while giant • aser beamres
for thirty years, others virgins still wondering week where everything gets used up and/or are revealed in the playa dust wafting through
why they keep saying "Welcome Home." incinerated recreationally. They join more vol- the air as they create patterns on the mountain-
You're not there yet, but it is definitely unteers to stay and clean up the whole place so side. Everyone around you will be glowing, so
the place to wait and prepare, if you've arrived that not a trace of MOOP (Matter Out Of Place) as not to get hit by an art car, as well as to look
a day early or just want to pre-game. Its best to is left on the playa. This is how they get the the part. With your back to the Man you can
RSVP him through the Burning Man website, and permit to keep having the event; by November walk to the Temple across the expanse and
be warned that it is an International hostile and the Black Rock Desert is again pristine. notice the Milky Way spread out across the sky,
he will give preference to those outside the US, Once you're inside you'd better register the Galaxy you are rightfully a citizen of.
but remember that no one there's gonna turn your "address" at the computers at Info Camp, if Looking back are the lights of Black Rock City,
down a hitchhiker. anyone's going to be looking for you, and then the greatest party ever conceived in the history
Buses, vans, RV's, and art cars regularly get an idea of the lay-out. The.Man lies at the of time and space, Zion - for seven days.
come through asking anyone if they are ready center of the event. Lamp lit roads radiate away In the evening of the sixth day the Man
for transport up to the City. If you've brought from him in the direction of the hours on a burns. If this is your first time at Burning Man,
only what you need to survive they will gladly clock, and form a clockwise coordinate system you have to rush the Man, meaning that as his
take you with them. What you need really is a around him. Other roads encircle The Man in flaming torso is crumbling to the ground, you
gallon of water per day, cigarettes (even if you orbits, like the solar system, and are named have to make a mad dash through the crowd
don't smoke- they are easily tradeable), and according to each year's theme. The address of towards the Burn and follow the others as they
treats. Treats being cool little pieces of art or the Hostile was Venus and 5:15. There are reg- run full speed around him in circles, nearly
jewelry or candy or blinky lights, stuff to hand ular camps and there are theme camps. Theme singing their hair, literally cooking, and occa-
out to people. You can normally acquire all you camps have names like "The Truth Camp" or sionally diving behind someone to cool off.
need in terms of nutrients, calories, and booze "The Celestial Sphere of Burt Reynolds" and You'll probably wander off somewhere after los-
through the indiscriminate distribution of people living and hanging out in these camps ing all your friends in the chaos, but stop to
aforementioned goodies. Buy all your supplies have their own original rules and behaviors and admire the nebulous cloud of ashes and embers
before you go, or better yet arrange for someone styles, so that each community campsite has a rising out of the center of the playa, as it is one
else to bring them for you, because there are no subculture of its own. of your most important guideposts as to where
vendors in the event, and money exchange with- The Burning Man Project has a different you are.
in the City is frowned upon. The temporary theme every year.and this year's was the Vault The last night the Temple burns, the
society functions according to Gift Economy: of Heaven, the name given by the Native elaborate, ornamented, unbelievable Temple
give and you shall receive, ask and you will get, Americans to the fictional dome of the celestial that was only fully constructed three days ear-
but you probably won't have to ask. Every sphere, the night sky "ceiling" that all the stars lier. The genius architects who designed it
Burner is out there as part of a community, are painted upon. Therefore the circular roads embed the necessary pyrotechnics,, and after a
really a big family, trying to live in a complete- orbiting the Man were named after the Ten brief ceremony, it is consumed. It is a sobering
ly unrestricted sense and also fostering that Planets (the tenth being a discovered planetoid event symbolizing the end of the Burn, everyone
freedom for their brothers and sisters. Also, in called Sedna), Mercury being the closest to the utters their final prayers, hands are shook, and
the desert, people look out for each other in Man. At night the Man is lit up with blue neon you pack up. In Black Rock City you create the
order to survive. lights and is the perfect landmark amidst the Universe in a week, everyone does, so try and
However you get there, you will be asked chaos of this fabricated reality. As you move take a little bit back with you to the default
to present a ticket, unless you have opted to towards him you leave the campgrounds and world, cause it can't stay there.
parachute into the event, which will no doubt enter the playa, a circular area surrounding the
provide you with a spectacular entranc.e,but Man that is reserved for art installations. Most
may be in contrast to local regulations. The of the art is interactive, its function is not to sit
tickets are least expensive when initially there but to be played with, explored, and fig-
Just Gimme Some Truith!
Comments on a Statesman Editor and His Versimilit ude
By Ian Rice
"I'm sick and tired of hearing things in a publication that is for a collegiate student around me from reading an issue of The
From uptight, short-sighted, body. Statesman.
narrow-minded hypocritics What's more, The Press does in fact Kahn's next statement literally caused
All I want is the truth print "objective, unbiased facts" quite regular- me to laugh out loud, disrupting the entire
Just gimme some truth ly. In the last issue of the publication (dated Traditions Lounge in the process. Here it is:
I've had enough of reading things September 2 8 th), The Press tallied twenty-two "We refuse to print trash." Yep, it got me going
By neurotic, psychotic, pig-headed politicians articles with Kahn's aforementioned criteria. again as I quoted it. The Statesman doesn't print
All I want is the truth The other articles rounding out the issue's trash? "Weird Science"? "The Dos and Doon'ts of
Just gimme some truth" forty-two pages were a mixture of editorial, the Autumn Season"? What kind of articles are
- John Lennon entertainment and opinion pieces. Twenty-two those? Put it this way - I can smell them rotting
objective, unbiased articles, Mr. Kahn. That's underneath the coffee grounds from here.
more than The Statesman gets out of four issues Moving on and more importantly..."For
I had originally decided against writing (which, production- and time-wise, is equal to the record," Kahn carries on, "The Statesman
the piece you are about to read, as it seemed like one edition of The Press). So, I'd say that The received no.funding from USG in the Fall 2003
a waste of my time and resources. After all, my Press wins that one. semester. We weren't even cut a check until
last article took bn the leader of the United It is at this point that Khan drags out a March of 2004. Did we endlessly complain about
States of America. Why would I want to follow it term that he subsequentlv beats into the ground it, arguing baselessly about how much USG
up with an article that takes on Mansoor in his article as he labels The Press with sucks?" No, because The Statesman knew that
Kh'an, The Statesman's Editor-In-Chief? the oh-so-witty moniker The Opinion their money was coming at some point. The
Anyone with half an eye can see him for Booklet. Kahn seems to labor under the Press is not afforded that luxury, as the USG
what he really is: a smug, overly-confi- delusion that The Press is all opinion, a sees fit to treat us like the ugly girl at the
dent shill for Stony Brook University's "soapbox" for the student body. A stu- dance. The Press bitches at the USG in 'hopes
administration, a man for which no dent paper that recognizes and (more that it can one day be treated as The Statesman
amount of ass-kissing is too great in the importantly) respects the voice of the is treated, which will most likely never happen
quest to get himself ahead. So what student-? What a concept! A paper that's because The Press refuses to play it safe.
changed my mind? It was Kahn's long-winded, not the administration's puppet? What a novel Next up is one of my favorite portions of
extremely verbose piece in the September 2 8t h idea! Of course The Press contains a good num- Kahn's little diatri-be: "The Press does not edit
issue of The Stony Brook Press that did it. The ber of opinion-based articles; it's a paper that its articles, and thus ends up printing a collec-
article was so bad, so full of lies, that I had to has its finger on the pulse of the student body tion of journalistically and grammaticallypiti-
break it down for the masses. I'd certainly be it represents (unlike The Statesman). ful.articles that, when made into a whole, turn
remiss if I didn°'t set the record straight with Khan then feels the need to point out just out to be significantly less than the sum of their
some truth. So, without further adieu, here we how much of a "real" newspaper The Statesman parts." Actually, The Press does edit its arti-
go... is. "We have a news section, a features section, cles before .publication. My own material has
Kahn opens his piece by making the dec- a commentary sections and a sports section. Our undergone tightening and tweaking before going
laration, "Everyone has a breaking point." Yes, opinions are confined to the commentary and to press, that's for sure. What The Press doesn't
they certainly do. That's how within the span of features section, and the rest of the paper do, however, is butcher its writers' material,
a day or two, Kahn managed to lose two of his reports objective, verifiable fact." So, in other which I think is where Mr. Kahn's confusion on
key editors (Dana Gomi and Michael words, you have all the same things The Press the issue is derived from. The Statesman ruins
Neveradakis) and a handful of his most valuable has. Except for one thing of course: You play it articles, an experience I've also undergone.
staff writers. He pushed them to their breaking safe! The Statesman doesn't stick to this formu- Kahn continues: "The Statesman does
points with his rude manner and intransigent la out of journalistic standards it sets for itself. edit its articles, the way the New York Times,
attitude, leaving them no alternative but to pack It does it because it's afraid of "Mommy Newsday, Wall Street Journal, L.A. Times,
up their things and leave The Statesman. "My Dearest," the administration. No wire hangers, Washington Post and every other reputable
(breaking) point has been reached," he contin- Mr. Kahn. Ever! newspaper in existence do." First of all, a few
ues. Yes, my friend, it's called come-uppance. The next issue addressed by Kahn is The of those major publications are far from rep-
Kahn goes on to' discuss The Press' Press' claim that The Statesman conveniently utable. The New York Times recently had writ-
September 1 4t feature, "More Conclusive Data omits news stories that are even a tad contro- ers discovered to be making up facts included in
Affirming that The Press Is a Much Better versial. "When university police tackled a stu- published pieces, and The Washington Post has
Newspaper than The Statesman," a piece that dent in a USG senate meeting," Kahn comments, a proven right-wing bias. Neither of those
examines the qualities The Press holds that The "We printed an article two days later, on April things would be cause to deem a publication as
Statesman does not. Kahn calls the article a 2 9t h , despite being urged by administrators to being reputable. Secondly, The Statesman is not
"tactless rant," most likely because he comes avoid the bad publicity. Just to point out a bit reputable either, what with it being widely
out on the losing end of it all. The article is of fact, The Press did not report on the incident known that it is, a paper that has its lips firmly
largely factual, peppered and made lively by until the May 8 t h issue, which, mind you, was locked on- administrative ass.
the witty narrative that The Pressis known for. not even printed until graduation, much later in Kahn then smugly points out that The
Kahn's distaste for the article is nothing more May (almost a month later)." As Kahn already Statesman wins "up to five Newsday Journalism
lthan a case of "sore loser." knows, The Press produces a new issue every awards each year, and The Press wins one."
Next, Khan challenges a statement made two weeks. If a piece of news occurs between Well, Britney Spears sold millions of copies of
by The Press that proclaims the publication the issues (as the April 27thpolice incident did) it her last record, while David Crosby and Graham
new official paper of Stony Brook University. will of course be delayed until the next time Nash barely broke one hundred thousand copies,
Rather than address the claim directly, Kahn The Press is due to be released. The Statesman with their latest. Does that mean that Britney
instead insists on making an attempt to show is the paper that gets the majority of the fund- Spears is the better artist? No. You get my point,
that The Press isn't really a newspaper. ing for their publication, Mr. Kahn, not The Mr. Kahn?.
S"Newspaper?" he writes, "Newspapers are made Press. We are forced to limit production to keep Being that this piece is getting a bit long
to report news - objective, .unbiased facts. Isn't costs down since we're the redheaded step-child and-I've got something saved up as a great clos-
objectivity the golden rule of journalism, after when it comes to financial attention from the er, I'm just going to go ahead and print a quote
all?" Yes, it certainly is a golden rule of jour- administration. from Mr, Kahn and write a quick sentence or two
nalism to remain objective in your writing. But Kahn closes out this particular point by to prove it wrong. It'll save time and space this
Mansoor Khan is not a journalist. He is a med- saying, "The students already know what's going way. Ready? Here we go:
ical student who kissed enough administrative on, because of The Statesman, not because of the "The Press also accuses us of reprinting
ass to get himself into a position that will look opinion booklet that is The Press." Well, I can articles, what they refer to as 'shoddy journal-
nice among the other similarly-achieved posi- safely say that I have never, ever found out any- ism.'" That's because it is. You're a campus
tions on his tidy little resume. A real journal- thing from The Statesman. Well, except that newspaper. You don't need to reprint articles
ist (by Khan's definitions, interpreted by yours there is a Korean woman living and breathing in from bigger publications to flesh out your
truly) would not publish shit like Peter this country who can down one hundred, and issues. Save that kind of behavior for top-notch
Sunwoo's "Weird Science" on the second page of sixty-seven chicken wings in one sitting. newspapers like Suffolk Life and The
every recent issue of The Statesman. Impressive, yes. But certainly not newsworthy. Pennysaver. Plus, who doesn't have access to the
Nickelodeon Magazine would find that column Other than that, I haven't picked up one solitary New York Times or Newsday to see the articles
childish, man. It has no foreseeable right being thing that added to my knowledge of the world first hand? Also, reprinting your own articles
Page 16
Just Gimme Some Truith.
Continue md m...
,,,,~,,1 ,-,,, ---
,~---
---------- --e -- c-- By Ian Rice
Kahn...the truth is out.
is shoddy as well. If somebody missed it the Press puts out an issue every two weeks and
first time, they don't care. Nothing The seems to be doing okay. Or maybe (and this is "(The Press) is a vehicle for personal
Statesman has to say needs to be said twice. the key) you should take yourself off of the pay- gain." The pot and the kettle. The pot and the
Trust me. roll, Mr. Kahn. That's right, people...Mansoor kettle.
"Having a flashback issue is not 'a dis- Kahn is paid to be the Editor-In-Chief of The "They pull images off of the internet
grace of a publication.'" Yes it is. As I just Statesman. While everyone else works for free, without giving proper attribution. Even if we
noted, nothing The Statesman has to say needs to Mr. Kahn is pulling in paychecks for doing may have done this in the past, we have since
be said a second time. Just because The nothing and filling your campus newspaper amended our ways, and are now working to
Statesman is too lazy to put some work into a with advertisements to make up for it. Nice, ensure that your own photographers take all
new issue at the start of the semester doesn't huh? photos in our issues." Well, I know that my last
mean that we all have to be tortured reading the "I think we are justified in running piece for The Statesman (a record review pub-
same shit twice. advertisements." Sure. After all, it allows you lished in the.September 9th issue) included a
"I think it's plain to see which paper to get paid, right? picture that in addition to being completely
would actually be more beneficial to new stu- "Next up: amount of pages. It's quality, inappropriate to the piece, was not given the
dents." Hmmm, let's see here...a paper that no quantity that matters." Very true. The Press' appropriate attribution. How long ago do you
plays it safe and panders to the administration first issue, the sixty-page monster nicknamed mend those ways? Also, it's easy for your pho-
or a paper that listens to and hears the collec- "The Terror Issue," was chock full of quality tographers to get good photos (and sometimes
tive voice of the Stony Brook University student articles and opinion pieces that made it an for your writers to get good interviews) when
body. Yes, I think it is plain to see which paper entertaining read from cover to cover. Most they follow around Press staff and copy what
proves more beneficial to the latest crop of stu- recent issues of The Statesman, however, barely they do. Don't bother denying it, either. You
dents on campus. crack twelve pages and include such tripe as know it's true.
"Then The Press attacks us for printing "Weird Science," photos of people nobody gives Now for the big ending I promised. It
too many advertisements. During the semester, a shit about and boring opinion pieces by comes from another quote from Mr. Kahn's arti-
we make an effort to run our paper at roughly 50 Jessica Landress. So congratulations, Mr. Kahn. cle and really sums up how detached and square
percent news/50 percent ads. This is the way You have neither quantity nor quality in your his attitude is. "Compare our journalistic and
it's done, folks." Yes, it's done...by big name publication. objective articles with the curse-filled, outdat-
publications that are read nationally. A campus "The Press call us the "tooth-less" ed refuse that is printed in The Press...Compare
newspaper does not have to run 50 percent ads. voicebox for the administration. Why?" Well, the two papers and you'll see why many people
Period. Save that practice for Rolling Stone mag- because you are. It's that simple. I've never met consider us the official student newspaper of
azine. a bigger shill for the administration as you, Mr. Stony Brook University." What people? Where?
"We print twice a week, have color front, Kahn. You'll do anything to get in their good I don't know one person that thinks a) The
back and center pages, print 6500 issues per graces. So your paper reflects your own attitude. Statesman is a quality publication worthy of
,run (and) have two full time staff..." Here's a "We are constantly accused of doing being the campus' official newspaper or b) That
thought: instead of wasting your pages featuring favors for the administration in the form of good you are a person that they want to know and feel
advertisements to cover all these features, how publicity in exchange for getting recommenda- is deserving of the honor of being Editor-In-
about you eliminate some of them to keep costs tions." Well, when members of the student Chief of a campus newspaper. I apologize if that
down? Nobody cares that you have color front, body overhear you commenting on the aforemen- sounds harsh, Mr. Kahn. But after all, I did
back and center pages. They're usually wasted tioned statement or when you flat out say it to promise to give some truth with this piece. And
on some picture that doesn't need to be in color. their faces, it's not surprising that you'id be that's about as truthful as it gets.
Instead of printing twice a week, print once. The accused of it. Deny it all you want, Mr.
_
And
_~ ~, ,, ~-_- ,, I
Who Are the
~c ----- --
Terorists Aga ire?
By Joey Safdia
After the attacks against the World Trade Even the terminology that the government uses and anarchy is not freedom. Civilians caught in
Center and the Pentagon on September 11, 2001, is designed to incite unnecessary fear in our a crossfire between Saddam loyalists and
President George W. Bush told the American people. The War on Terror. Fighting terror. We America soldiers, in front of the rubble that
people to go out and buy expensive clothes, eat apparently aren't being threatened by "terror- had once been their homes and the bodies of
at fancy restaurants, take long vacations, and ists," or a group of people who will even murder their loved ones, find no consolation in free
basically spend more money than we have, oth- civilians to achieve their insane goals, but by elections.
erwise "the terrorists win." Then he announced "terror," fear, panic, chaos, a truly apocalyptic So what did they gain from all this? Not
time and time again that the terrorists were scene. Bush uses, as comedian George Carlin much, really. So the question is why did we
ready to launch another attack against the would say, "spooky language" to spread fear, launch an attack against a country that never
America people, but he didn't know where or with which comes control. We always hear about has been and will never be a threat to us? It may
when they would strike. At one point, the gov- how the government fights for our freedom, but be because of the oil fields that would put mil-
ernment warned us to be on the lookout for is this really freedom? And considering how lions into Bush's pocket, but only he knows for
remote-controlled toy airplanes rigged with they also are "fighting for our safety," are we sure. We definitely won't get an answer.
explosives. Then he established the terror alert really safe in the hands of these people? The U.S. government and President Bush
system, which randomly changed from orange to officially have a firm stand against terror and
red alert at his whim, never going down to blue terrorists. Well, terror is fear, panic, and chaos.
or green or any other color that would let And they did a good job of placing this into our
Americans breathe a sigh of relief. Finally, he minds using methods such as the terror alert.
used 9/11 as an excuse to launch a preemptive, Terrorists are an organized group who use
unprovoked, unnecessary strike against a small extreme methods to reach their goals. Well, we
country. We are told that the government is don't know exactly what those goals are, but
doing everything in their power to take down bombing and then invading a small country
the terrorists, but who are the terrorists again? without reason, and using a major terrorist
Some would argue that our government attack that took the lives of thousands of
officials, including our president, have only American citizens as an excuse,-would-e--orn--
their interests in mind, and those interests con- sidered extreme methods. So who are the terror-
flict with our safety and freedom. I, for one, ists anyway? Well, using these definitions, that
believe this is true. Without getting too detailed would make the terrorists... US!! The United
as to what Bush's true motives may or may not States government! Of course, no one in this
be for attacking Iraq or why terrorists would naive nation would want to imagine something
hijack planes and crash them into buildings, the like that, but who would? In a world where you
underhanded and sneaky behavior of the U.S. America is not the only victim of this out- have the freedom fighters fighting against the
Government is as much a danger to us as Osama landish propaganda. The Iraqi people have been evildoers, would you want to play as the bad
Bin Laden repeatedly screaming for jihad. After told by our president and government that we guy? Unfortunately, we are not children playing
they have used alerts to cause unwarranted are fighting for their freedom. Bush has said on games, and we have to realize that the world is
panic, tricked people into spending money they national television that without Saddam Hussein much more complicated than the news would
didn't have in order to get the economy back on in power, the Iraqi people can now experience make it seem, and therefore we must understand
track, and made a law that restricted our free- the freedom of democracy that we experience. that we are not always the moral leader of the
.dom exponentially more than it increased our But at what price? Where is this freedom exact- world.
safety, we have to wonder if the terrorists are ly? Inside the smoking crater we left when we
the ones attacking this country or running it. invaded? Iraq has been left in a state of turmoil,
Page 18
.
----------
...
Prose is only used for chumps
So prose i will not use.
THE PRESS at 25 by Sam Goldman
But, instead, i'll rhyme my rant,
And probably confuse.
The Policy
With no adieu and no delay,
I'll lay it out real nice:
The Business Manager is key
In getting us our ice.
Your job: control the flow of cash A couple of years ago, I was watching on such a variety of issues - outweigh the draw-
But get shit on the most. some talk show where they had special effects backs.
For shit is what we all deserve. A related topic is the abundance of arti-
guys talk about how famous effects are created.
(except Diana Post) Among them was the guy who created the trans- cles espousing a liberal point of view. One of the
Meetings happen all the time, porter effect for Star Trek: The Next Generation. things we've noticed about The Press is that we
So here is how it goes: When asked how he did it, he said he just shined seem to attract a liberal crowd of writers and
Date a new Attendance form. friends. Many people have taken this to mean
a light through a fishbowl and filmed it (or
Say "SIGN YOU STUPID HOES!" something like that - I don't really remember it that conservative viewpoints are not welcome.
The Editor Associate clearly). That was it. The audience didn't know Nothing could be further from the truth. The
Fills out the Minutes form. whether to be awed, happy, or bewildered, so Stony Brook Press is an all-inclusive institu-
And if he tells you "It's your job" they sat there in stone silence. tion; if you have a viewpoint that is contrary to
Your FISTS SHALL MAKE A STORM Explaining The Stony Brook Press' edito- us, we will never disregard it. If you disagree
OF UNRELENTING SWIRLS OF DEATH rial policy to the general public is a lot like that. with us, we want you to write for us. Period.
THAT KILL THINGS WITHOUT SHAME It's such a maddeningly simple idea that no one "Well then," you ask, "what about things
AND SEND HIS SECRETARY-ASS TO HELL seems to really get it. Maybe this page will help that the E-board work on as a group, like Top
AND BACK FROM WHENCE IT CAME!!! you understand it a little bit more. Tens or front covers?" This is equally as impor-
THE SCORN AND HATE OF LUCIFER For the record: If you give us an article, tant to understand, especially because most of
SHALL SMITE HIM FOR HIS SIN!!! . . ,-1
,,ill
I Y
we copy edit it for the trouble lThe tress gets
BUT IF HE STILL WON'T FILL IT OUT, spelling and grammar into has more to do with
Then you should fill it in. only. We will then check these things than with
But when the meetings meet their close, to see if anything you any individual article. In
You get a special treat: wrote was libelous. If it's fact, since 1990, we've
To make sure the Attendance form libelous, we will make had at least five to six
And Minutes are complete! every effort to contact you front covers that have
Also, if we bought some things to see if the article can be gotten us in deep shit for
With allocated dough, changed to make it legal various reasons, and at
You must fill out a Voucher form for us to print. If we can't least two Top Tens since
As well as a P.O. get in touch with you, we 2000. When the E-Board
Now Purchase Orders aren't signed will hold the article until sits down to do these
But everything else is, the next issue. If it's good things, the idea is to forge
By editors: Executive, and legal, and copy edit- a consensus among the
Associate, and Biz. ed, it goes'to the printer. group. Many times, when
SThe fatty rapper Biggie Smalls No finished arti- one person i~ ia c'ntrari-
(who is now dead and fat), cleP will pever he denied onn an. he or she wil n ut his
Said, "There's no need to worry, the basis of its content. her opinions aside for
My accountant handles that." Ever. If you send it to us, e consensus of the E-
But Biggie died from being fat ^1 ,, ,' 1l 4Im il 1 1 LI -V
ar I I;JF f II~jila VI
upVsll.
Ul
nis iL iii egal LU uvaUJU, •vcll I L111•
And also being shot. print, we will print it. It's that simple. is the Executive or Managing Editor. In a sense,
So there IS need to worry when It's obvious that such an open-ended pol- you can call it a by-committee way of doing
Accounting worries not. icy has its advantages and its drawbacks. People things, where every E-Board position is the
They scruitinize our purchases could, theoretically, use The Press as a vehicle equal of every other position. Many people want
And ALWAYS give us guff, to point fingers at the Executive Editor for some-
for hate speech, by taking advantage of such a
And if anything at all is wrong, thing they consider wrong, but our paper simply
policy. The Press cannot emphasize enough that
They won't give us our stuff. we condemn hate speech. At the same time, how- does not work that way. Point the finger at
All in all, they're not that bad everybody!
ever, The Press will not defy its own editorial
And sometimes even nice. See? Not hard, right? In fact, it's so sim-
policy. Some people find fault with this, and it's
A simple, "Here's the Minutes form" understandable.' But if you look through the his- ple, this article is half the size of last issue's
Or "Hello" will suffice. article. Of course, I could pad this article with
tory of The Press, you will notice that an over-
But more importantly you must some meaningless banter, or a plug for the next
whelming majority of our articles have been
Find peeps to ADVERTISE! article, in which I'll write about the best and
thoughtful, intelligent works. This is, you will
(You will start this early in the worst Press moments of the past 25 years. Or I
agree, an amazing paradox. And the advantages-
year, If you are wise!) could end this article right now.
to be able to print from a variety of viewpoints
But use your judgement when you look
For companies to use.
"360 YOUTH" will often call
But you should just refuse.
CALLING'ALLRESSALUM'N!
ALL I•-
MmCALLING
REss... ALU...: ...
.:.NI.
.. . .. .. " , .I
However, local businesses
Are always great to get.
Don't compromise your prin~ciples
Unless you are in debt!
The Stony Brook Press is gearing up for its
At the end of every year 25
th Anniversary celebration, on Saturday, October 23
rd
, 2004.
there's other stuff to do:
Apply for next year's budget
If you're a Press alumnus,
And then register our roo(m). drop us a note at sbpress@ic.sunysb.edu
LABEL, DATE and FILE
Everything that you have done. and let us know you're alive and well.
Then offer as a sacrifice Don't forget to give us your current address, we'll use it to mail .
Your one and only son.
Oh wait a sec, that one's for God. you your official invitation to the festivities. |
(His son is dumb as hell.)
(For Jesus managed Heaven's biz
But didn't do so well.) THE STONY BROOK PRESS 25 t6 Anniversary
I'm sure you'll do an alright job Celebrating the funniest, most hard-hitting, outspoken, controversial, asskicking paper on Earth. .........
As long as you have tried. October 23rd, 2004
Basically, you can't go wrong,
Jus t don't get cru c ifi ed.
Page 19
I - I - I
Upcoming Upcoming
George George
Foreman Foreman
Inventions Inventions
I
. .
10] George Foreman's Ball Gaggin' George Foreman's Neuropathy I:1
LI
Dominatrix Machine IStoppin'
. Blood Tranfusin' Machine
• I
...........
....
I
Page 20
*.....
............................
...........................
...........
......
... ...........
. i::;:;i
O.
.. \
. B : :"I I . .
^ BS1
............
..
.....
....
.....
MCNS
-
.
..
. S.
..........
..
.
...
....
..
...
..
..
..
....
...
....
.
.
. .
..
.
.. .
.
.
..
.. ...
..
..
......
...........
...................
..
...
..... -------------------
E
. A....
r(.....
---
-..
-......
----
--------------
.. ............
.................
......
..................
...
..
...
.
..
...........
.
.................
.....
......................
.
...
...
............
measurement
IIInis
measure around
the center of the
caress them ever so lightl breasts, over the
while blowing in her ear. will be called the
baseline nipples, Taking
measurement. care to pinch and
squeeze them. r~c \low would be
For example
Ivana's luscious While grinding Q lood time to use
double d's meas- your crotch into iat ruler to 'see
urement is 3.6. her ass like you're its popping up' if
in a Sean Paul ou know what i
L 'A Video. mean.
:-'- ~-
""-"-"-----------_-----. . ..
..
--------------------------
-
----------------
. .
Th "' 1%
;
1
A I
'4AAI~AI~AI
IVVVVVV
El
IfIN I
Ir iIn1--qp-r-nnn
IA
Page 22
Holy Crap It's a Sports Column
IN THE ABSENCE OF ANYTHING INTERESTING By Sam Goldman
IN THE ABSENCE OF ANYTHING INTERESTING office, is why the ratings keep decreasing? Just in a AAA stadium? Did you think they would
TO TALK ABOUT... a thought. help the team be competitive at all? Didn't think
But on to other baseball news... so.
... let's talk about the MLB playoffs. In the meanwhile, the fans of the Expos
YOUPPI!! (and, believe me, there were once many of them,
Why aren't the baseball playoffs inter- more than you would ever believe) were left to
esting? Well, for starters, the players are large- What the hell did I just say? swing in the wind. Attendance went to all-time
ly the same; the Atlanta Braves are there for the Youppi was the mascot for the Montreal lows, to the point where minor league teams
umpteenth straight year, so are the Yankees. So Expos, who move to Washington, D.C. next sea- were outdrawing them, and players told stories
are the Red Sox. So are the Twins. Yawn. When son. The announcement ends one of the sorriest about being able to hear people on cell phones
half of the teams in the playoffs seem like reg- debacles in sports history. from the stands or the broadcasters in the
The Montreal Expos were the biggest booth.
ular visitors to the October party, why would
you get excited? The Anaheim Angels are in the casualty of the 1994 players' strike. That year, A*-%
A-
AI1U IIUW, Lt
playoffs...whoops, not anymore - Boston just they were into their third. year of good atten- to D.C., they have to
swept them. The Los Angeles Dodgers seem dance, and the team was on top of the National Angelos, the owr
overmatched by the St. Louis Cardinals. League East. With Cliff Floyd, Moises Alou, Baltimore Orioles,
The Houston Astros seem like the best Rondell White, Larry Walker,' and Pedro the league create a )
story. Left for dead midsea'son, the team roared Martinez, the Expos were loaded for the present baseball network f
back to win the wild card. Led by veterans Jeff and the future. Well, except for he ugly ugly two teams, as well a
Bagwell and Craig Biggio, two possible Hall of stadium with the roof that wouldn't retract. ing him off a pr
Famers who have never won a playoff series, Then the strike came, and the Expos sum.
along with the ageless Roger Clemens, the were denied a chance to go to the playoffs. Bud Selig
Astros are this year's sexy pick to go to the Although they went 88-74 two years later, the he's a hero for bein
World Series. Expos never regained their former glory, and save the franchise. 1I
Despite this, the media still seems to be talent hemorrhaged from the team - Floyd, ally, he's partiall:
fixated on the rivalry between the Red Sox and Alou, White, Walker, Martinez, Mark responsible for the
the Yankees. Here's a good question: does any- Grudzielanek, John Wetteland, Ugeth Urbina, strike, selling the
one really care about this as much as newspa- Carl Pavano, Javier Vasquez, and Milton team to a complete
pers (especially The Post and The Daily News) Bradley. During all this, Jeffrey Loria bought douchebag and then
make it seem like they do? I imagine Yankee the team, ended the team's TV contract, and used allowing him to le
fans are already bored with Bosrton, and the rest the team as collateral to buy another team, the the team in ruins, ai
of the country outside Massachusetts couldn't Florida Marlins. Good job, asshole. them allowing th
give a shit about two teams that are able to THEN; Major League Baseball bought the team to exist as if i
financially run circles around every other team. team and held it in limbo. How are the other was the walking
The rivalry might be there, but the media, des- major league owners supposed to jointly run a dead. Does that
perate for a way to sell baseball to the masses, team that clashes with the interests of their own sound like-a hero t(
has jumped on it and hyped it well beyond pro- team? Did you Ithink they'd give Omar Minaya you?
portion. clearance to resign Vlad Guererro? Did you
Maybe this, and not the other litany of think they would care when the players com-
excuses trotted out by the Commissioner's plained about going to Puerto Rico to play games
Page 23
DbU Kugoy: 1gnung nome ana A\ fay
li Nazir By A
The Stony Brook Rugby team faced a dif- The field was set for a win and there was for the score), who as usual not only bring their
:ficult and very determined adversary on the an unexpected crowd that made it out to watch athletic ability but their superior knowledge of
pitch of Fairfield University, Sunday, the game in real picnic-style seating. The game the game, keeping it business as usual while
September 19th. It was a hot and humid day - kicked off at 1pm and was very intense from the trailing and making the comeback that almost
perfect for a battle of very equally-matched get-go. Both teams were scoreless and played was.
:,teams. Cody Peluso was very anxious about the hard defense until 10 minutes were left in the
:game and was looking for a win to start of the half, when SBU scored by a short power run Budget problems
season on the right foot. At 1pm, they kicked off right up the gut by veteran forward Anthony
a brand new season, a new and very talented Abruscati. The half ended with SBU up 5 to 0. The Rugby team is also being plagued by
team, and a brand new look, looking to make The second half had to be one of the highest other problems at home. The program is on the
waves in the ironclad Rugby Union. But as high scoring halves in the history of SBU Rugby. rise and playing better Rugby then seen in
.. as their aspirations were, the harder they fell. Sacred Heart came out with a bang and saw SBU recent years. It can be very distracting to the
The game was at a deadlock, Fairfield let up and scored twice in a period of 10 min- team and the morale of the players when the
-and Stony Brook playing very good defense and utes. Now they were up 12 to 5 (they completed whole program is in danger of not being able to
:no advance of any offense was visible. Stony one kick after the Tri, unlike Stony Brook). The exist next year.
Brook was tackling much better than last season Seawolves returned the favor by scoring on a 55 The story is that since Rugby is a refer-
and not giving Fairfield a chance to regroup and meter run by star back Matt Arena. That score endum sport it is up for election every three
run plays. Eventually there was a blown assign- showed that SBU was just not going to lie down, years, the result of this election means whether
jgjment on Stony Brook's behalf, which led to a and that this one is going down to the wire. Now the school is going to keep giving them money to
J:line-breaking run by Fairfield's Will Brazier to with the score at 12 to 10 (SBU made the extra continue or stop funding completely. And thus
:ithe Stony Brook 5 meter mark and then muscling point), Sacred,Heart yet again comes back and ending the existence of the team, which has been
S.-in for the Tri (equivalent of a Touchdown), while' answers with a score through very well designed around since 1980.
SBU was trying to regroup. There was a sign of plays, making the score 17 - 10. Stony Brook yet The Rugby team is also one of the most
,lost morale by the players as they saw Fairfield again answers, but this time with two scores, all diverse sports teams on campus with virtually
Ikick the extra point, but the SBU Ruggers by Mark Moulton, and another while the opposi- every race and nationality on the team. Where
brushed themselves off and were back in the tion was regrouping with another big run by else would you see an Indian and a Pakistani
:lgame. Stony Brook came back with a couple of Mark Moulton (who is currently the leading working together towards the same goal, or a
igood runs by. forwards Dan Holzhauer and scorer for Stony Brook University) to the Muslim and an Israeli seeing each other as
Vasiliy Khmelemko, but when they were at the Trizone, but this one came off a very good assist brothers in the fight for the same cause? This
:'FU red zone, penalties took them away. Then the by Mathew Arena. Thinking a win was in their semester, the fate of this very program and club
bow broke one more time when SBU was found sights, SBU turned up the intensity of the game is up for elections on October 1 7 th to October
n:iot ready and another broken run to the Trizone in the last 5 minutes. But, suddenly, Sacred 2 1s . So if you like sports and you like this kind
Iby FU making the score 12 to 0 (in Rugby, there Heart, with a last try to get in the game, scored of organization to stay on campus you should all
are 5 points for every score and a 2 point kick by yet another very well designed play with go to your SOLAR System account to vote for the
follows). Before the half was over, SBU was only 2 minutes and 30 seconds left in the game. team. And if you want to get involved in the team
knocking on FU's door once again, but was Stony Brook tried to counter them but could not more there are meetings that take place every
Istopped this time by a very good defensive stop do anything as time expired, giving Sacred Tuesday on the third floor of the Student
:.,by Fairfield. Disaster struck once again in the Heart the win 26-24 over the Seawolves. Activities Center AKA the S.A.C. New people
:second half, when the Seawolves came out blast- Coach Danny Ayrusso, disappointed are encouraged to take part and learn about the
.,ing, but veteran player Jim Arnold was red- with the loss, was.still very content on how well sport and the great tradition of Rugby. This
carded by the umpire. This means that SBU now his team performed during the onslaught of October 1 0 th, the team plays IONA at home.
had to play with 14 men instead of 15, even if points being put on by each team, and the abil- IONA, 1s t place in the division and undefeated,
they had substitutions because of the ruling of ity of his team to rise up .and answer back. "This comes to the Stony Brook pitch looking to keep
unsportsmanlike conduct. SBU held in there and is just the beginning boys,"' he says with a dev- their undefeated season going. The Seawolves,
was in the red zone once again, but could not ilish grin on his face, knowing that a year ago however, are looking to upset and. from the show
finish as they turned the ball over. And the rest they could not have even thought about making a they put on against Sacred Heart University,
of the game was basically a stalemate that ended comeback let alone finding victory in defeat. they are in a good position to do so. Mark
as Fairfield University took 'the win 12-0 Dan Holzhauer, and John Faminella, who put in Moulton and Matt Arena are going to be healthy
against the Seawolves. a strong performance on the field, made good and ready to go, looking to test the defense of the
There were not many bad notes for that tackles and very hard nose runs. Vasiliy very tough IONA Team. The defensive onslaught
game considering that SBU was playing the sec- Khmelemko was quoted "we had this game, but is being charged, with Mike Barnett saying, "if
ond half of the game with only 14 men while that second we let go, we lost." Very strong per- they want their fourth win, they got to go over
Fairfield had the full 15. You could see the raw formances were also put in by Rustim Nyquist me."
explosiveness many times in the game but, and Mark Tsukerman (responsible for an assist
somehow, Stony Brook was just not able to fin-
ish. They were also missing their star players METROPOLITAN New York RUGBY FOOTBALL UNION
Mathew Arena, and Cody Peluso, who they lost W L T TP PF PA PD
in the second half due to a bad fracture of his
arm.
The second game was against Sacred lona 3 0 0 30 155 16 139
Heart University who, after coming off a loss in
the first week of play, was also looking for their Fairfield 2 1 0 20 41 55 -14
first win of the season. This was a home game for
the Seawolves, it also fell on SBU's Homecoming Vassar 2 0 0 20 102 15 87
week; while the whole school was mourning the
bad loss the Football team had, they were look- Sacred Heart 1 2 0 10 34 51 -17
ing for something to reignite the home coming
spirit by a Rugby win. The players were pumped Marist 1 2 0 10 18 137 -119
and looking forward to sened Sacred Heart back
home with a loss and salvage their season. SUNY Stony Brook 0 2 0 0 27 39 -12
Before the season had started, SBU Rugby was a
favorite to take the Division 2 title. Seton Hall 0 2 0 0 12 76 -64
Page 24
Women's Soccer Sends the
FU Team to a 3-0 Thrashing By Ant
ony Lin
On the final day of the Holtsville decided to step up and play the offside trap slot home from 9 yards out.
Residence Inn by Marriot Invitational, the Stony perfectly. Stony Brook would continue to pressure
Brook Seawolves emerged as champions. With the home side maintaining posses- in the following minutes. The home side would
Approximately 100 came out on the hot Sunday sion and constantly pressuring, the effort came go up 2-0 in the 31s t minute on a bizarre goal
afternoon to watch the Seawolves defeat the by Shilts, whose low, hard-whipping free kick
Fairfield Stags 3-0. The match was the second of on the left wing from 25 yards out trickled
a doubleheader at Kenneth P. LaValle Stadium. through everyone and found its way inside the
Both teams applied a 4-4-2 formation to far post. "I mis-hit the ball completely.
start the match. Tiffany Fasullo and Victoria Somehow it found its way through everyone,"
Feliciano, typically in the midfield, were both said Shilts.
put up front. "It was definitely different. I liked Things took a turn for the worse in the
it, this gives me more freedom to do what I 3 7t hminute, when Feliciano, lobbed one clever-
want," stated Fasullo. The strategy would prove ly, finding left winger Kendra Graber unmarked
to be effective as Fasullo constantly shielded off from 5 yards out. Fairfield's keeper, Katie Ely,
defenders and kept possession in Fairfield's was able to collect the ball but collided with
end. Feliciano was her usual self, creating Graber on the sequence. Graber, who came in as
countless opportunities throughout the after- a sub causing all sorts of trouble on the left side
noon. for the Fairfield defense, would end up leaving
"Tiffany and Vicki just; clicked up the game. Defender Kirsandra Seaton would
front," said assistant coach and head of recruit- shift over to the left wing, while right back
ing,: Doug Shank. Chelsea Van Horn was subbed in for the
,,.i The Seawolves applied pressure immedi- remainder of the half..
ately in the 3 r d minute when left back, Jess The second half saw fewer opportunities.
Rogers' inswinging :cross from the left wing The next opportunity would come for the
found midfielder, Katie Kramer, who's shot Seawolves in the 4 9 th minute off a blunder by
nicked the crossbar. Ely, when she misjudged a free kick from Shilts.
.4 b 1airfield'" f•rst, opportunity came in the The ball ended p atithe feet f Feliciano, Whose.w
5thminute when Janna Breienwischer's 20 yard shot from 9 yards out hit the crossbar. ..
drive was easily handled by goalkeeper, Cindy The first opportunity for the visitors in
Bennett. Bennett did not have a busy afternoon, the second half came off a light shot from 10
but yet another solid effort on the day as her yards out by Amanda Vargo, which Bennett had
defense was well-organized, led by Rogers and no problem handling. Two minutes later, a 26
:·:·:0·:·:···:·:·
:~ :~....
.......
Shilts. "We were doing better in covering the yard effort from Breienwischer was once again
openings. This allowed for a better transition up handled easily by Bennett.
the field," said Rogers. The next golden opportunity would 'come for
S It was the play of Rogers which perhaps through in the 1 3th minute. The play started Stony Brook in the 7 0t h minute after a great
led to the turning point of the game. In the 12 h when, Feliciano won a header at midfield to buildup. Feliciano, with a series of cutbacks,
minute, a Stag forward was left unmarked on the Tiffany Fasullo. Fasullo played the ball back to laid it off to Lewis, who then crossed to Kramer,
right wing leaving her with a potential break- Feliciano, who then played a brilliant through only to have her header sail just wide.
away. Rogers, with no chance at catching up, ball to right winger, Danielle Lewis, for her to The clincher would come in the 7 5t h
riinute. Kristin Mishrell, whose efforts in the
defensive midfield role often goes unnoticed,
sent a splendid through ball to Feliciano, who
Planned Parenthood® slotted it home to make it 3-0. "I was just look-
ing for someone to play it too and Vicky
(Feliciano) was there to finish it. She is always
Hudson Peconic Inc making great runs;" said Mishrell.
The Stags would launch several shots in
the closing minutes with no effect as Bennett
Services: was well positioned to make the saves.
"It was a great game defensively and
offensively. We came through the tiredness from
gyn check-ups pregnancy testing playing on Friday," said assistant coach Megan
birth control options counseling Mills.
The win puts the Stony Brook Seawolves
° testing & treatment for STIs surgical -& medical abortion on a three-game unbeaten streak improving
emergency contraception prenatal care them to 3-4-1 on the season. "It was a great
opportunity to win and have this tournament at
home. It gives us a great morale boost before the
Call conference games, especially when we scored so
many goals. Winning back to back was just
1-800-230-PLAN great," stated head coach Susan Ryan.
Defender Marissa Nucci, Feliciano, Lewis, and
to be connected to the center nearest you Fasullo received All-Tournament team honors.
Feliciano ended up as the tournament's MVP.
"This tournament is the mark of how
Center locations: well we've been playing lately," said assistant
coach Shank.
Amagansett. Huntington . Patchogue . Riverhead . Smithtown . West Islip
Page 25
-R
Celluloid Icon
- -- By Jaime Mignone
Our heroes become marketed and appro- to bringing people up from out of the dirt. The deal with every day of their existence.
priated by the culture. Greed turns their like- real situations the men and their bike Starvation, inadequate healthcare, no shelter,
nesses into meaningless t-shirt prints and cof- encounter force them to rethink the complacent and finding ways to not get shot are just some of
fee mugs, and they serve as little more than a attitude they've adopted to the world outside the the challenges they must learn to adapt to. Over
gag. Che Guevara is a man and not a label. The bubble, they got to see the other half. Gael's the course of the story, they must lead simpler
film The Motorcycle Diaries serves to dose the eyes sharpen as the scenes set in. His smile lives and deal with survival before their frivo-
image and the myth with a tangible human- lous desires and unnecessary plans. Ernesto
ity, the soul-stuff that fuels every hero. ites to his mother of the changes he went
The film is based on Ernesto "Che" rough, and his account is one of being
Guevara's own journals from a trip around unted.
our southern neighboring continent with On a lighter note, some of the people
his best friend, Alberto "Mial" Granado. ey meet that live in squalor still retain
They set off from Buenos Aires, Argentina eir sense of humor and humanity. One
to tour South America, traveling through can descendent casually refers to the
Chile, Peru, and Venezuela, and all points .tholic Church as "Jesus Christ Inc." with
between. "Fuser," now known as "Che," and smile on his face. "The Mighty One" finds
his accomplice were medical students me help from a mechanic whose wife puts
whose trek would ultimately take them to a e moves on Che, only to cause a riot when
leper colony, where they were to study and e locals see that "fucking Argentinian"
work. erstepping his bounds with another per-
What the pair went in search of was n's spouse.
the romance of travel, the eerie encounter The cinematography was excellent.
of distance, the celebration of indigenous norama of Machu Picchu, the ancient Incan
culture, and women to dance with and hope- :y in the mountains of Peru induced a few
fully take to bed. Ernesto comes off as shy nutes of dazed moments from which I had
and idealistic, intent on stopping at the hon :ch up with the rest of the world and the
ih;L i -CF:r lf i%a -A
sIs glrllllen tLWV
ff
Uayso VI
oC%h lAv c
sc llUlt,
C%
f&l, r
1orsome
V VI ttpassae
e f +;*"ga
time.
L
0_---n vir%+c,
JireatL sILo UI
Aavch*-+ n"A +--n
r U esert L anlu u-.cLull-
that puppy-love-induced love-making. "Mial" subsides and his stance straightens. The expe- dra were always inspirational, even when the
doesn't waste any time getting his best interests rience of maturation is completely and lucidly camera was shaking, which did get annoying at
served by various housekeepers, farmers' conveyed by this brilliant actor who also por- times, but never lasted long enough to induce
daughters and the like. They're a fun couple of trayed Che in the television production Fidel, nausea or migraines.
cats who curse initially but don't get too upset and rightfully so. That film is too fucking long, Good flick. Good reminder. Yeah, that
about falling off their bike, dubbed "The Mighty but Bernal performs superbly as the revolution- thing on your shirt is a portrait of a human,
One," and into sludge, repeatedly, and they ary in Fidel as well as the dreamy-eyed boy in with human feeling and a human story. He was-
aren't prepared for the rest of what they're The Motorcycle Diaries. Errr, at least I hope he n't just a flat and depthless caricature of a sol-
about to witness. was that good, the movie is subtitled, and I don't dier and he was definitely not just an advertise-
Gael Garcia Bernal does a wonderful por- habla espanol. ment. The CIA did go through all that trouble to
trayal of Che as he goes through the change from The characters self-impose poverty and assassinate him after all.
sheltered, middle-class boy to the tough trav- in doing so, they experience the squalor that
eled man of purpose that would dedicate his life migrant workers and the exploited and the poor
-
Going for a Ride: A Review of Taxi
By Joe Rios
If you find yourself looking for some- the more unrealistic special effects that take nearly as spectacular as it could have been.
thing to do this weekend, you can always go to place, the better it is. The only unrealistic So you might be asking yourself, "Okay,
the movies. Since there are a slew of movies to properties of Taxi are some of the maneuvers so should I see the damn movie or not?!" Well
choose from, you may find it difficult to choose that the tricked out Crown Victoria can make. it's entirely up to you. In my view, the film is
just one. But before we get into the review, the The movie is pretty much realistic, but it's hard not worth the $9.25 at the nearby theatre, but
following must be stated... THIS MOVIE HAS to imagine that New York City traffic could sup- matinee price is fair for Taxi. Happy viewing!
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH THE TV port that kind of driving at any time of the day.
SERIES! If that is what you are looking for, then Taxi is a good movie for
you've found yourself in the wrong place. Now sheer entertainment purpos
on to the review! It's a good flick for when you j
In Taxi Jimmy Fallon plays Officer want to go to the movies and hC
Washburn, a New York City cop who is great as a good time. Taxi is for all inte
an officer but is just plain lousy behind the and purposes a "Popcorn Flic
wheel. After his third accident in one month, That aside, Taxiis a funny mov
his lieutenant takes away his license. At the with large amounts of dialog
same time, the city's fastest bicycle messenger, based humor. Jimmy Fallon a
Belle (Queen Latifa), is starting her first day as Queen Latifa make for a good pa
a New York City cab driver. ing in this movie, combini
A few minutes into the movie, Washburn Washburn's silliness with Bell
finds himself in the pursuit of international tough girl attitude, and the cri
bank robbers in, what else, Belle's cab. Of its that run with outtakes fr
course, Belle, a girl who is renowned for speed, the production are enough to m
and who has motor oil running through her you want to stay 'till the very e
veins, has a few surprises under the hood of her While Taxiis a good mo
Crown Victoria. Together, Belle and Washburn to go with some buddies and ch
find themselves in a high-speed game of cat and there are features that leave so
mouse as they pursue the robbers at break-neck to be desired, for example there
speeds. a lack of romantic progress in
The recent trend of movies has been that story line, and the ending was
Page 27
Record
- 9-
Review:
-c-
M.inistry
--
(Houses
----
of the Mok s)
By Vincent Michael Festa
The past two years have been really The opener "No W" starts off the opener the anti-Bush sentiment. Ministry has you
something for Ministry. Al Jourgensen marries with a marching Carmina Burana sample mixed hanging on for dear life on acrazydrums horse-
again and finally kicks the habit. Then he and with Bush soundbites before everything back ride alongside against reeling guitars in
bandmate Paul Barker returned from the atro- explodes and flashes in your face with high- "Warp City", a wacky tale about guns, alcohol,
cious Dark Side of the Spoon to come back and speed drum smashes and rattling guitars with and demons. And for Ithose who dig the
take themselves seriously again with their Jourgensen's fast-paced vocals and shouts Ministry's "TV" tracks, there's "WTV" with the
amazing Animositisomina album. Shortly after, straight out of their "N.W.O". "Waiting" (track usual Jourgensen rant and subliminal televi-
Barker decides to leave Ministry after so many 2) switches from rat-tat-tat drums a la sion samples. Things get heavier with "World",
years of its ups and downs: pioneering indus- "Thieves" to coming right out of the gate, more chilling with "WKYJ", and in the end it
trial music, the Wax Trax years, Psalm 69, sub- repeating 'I'm still waiting' as if to wait for rounds itself out with an 80's sounding "Worm"
- . __ -
stance - -.-. -
aouse ana -1_
I.- A1. ..
cracKaowns. mIpIe•;e WILII
barrnr^ninn
aIrolitcILL a0,.
'nr rn nxilk :-
Ui my
IL eU
Which now leaves us once agair ot, since there are not one but two
to Al. Not even one year sinc( idden tracks at the end of the CD:
Animositisomina, Houses Of The Mole Psalm 23" which is the Star-
comes out. This time around, Jourgenser pangled Banner version of "No W",
has brought over for the ride Ministr) id "Walrus", which is track 69 on
veteran Mike Scaccia, John Monte, anc le CD a la Dark Side Of The
Mark Baker. poon...yes, Jourgensen still has that
Let's put it this way: honestly ,nse of humor.
this is Animositisomina Part 2, because On the bright side it's still
if die-hard Ministry fans figured ou le greasy, skull and crossbones
that Animositisomina was a return to ol( lack death that Ministry has always
ideas and elements of Psalm 69, ther een. Jourgensen's vocals are even
they loved it. In fact, Houses does more tore direct, personal, and more
of the same, even the recording quality icious. Soundbytes are used in an
feel, and even color are similar to th( onic and strategic fashion and the
last album. It's still the rough-and lbum is an ode to their older ideas.
tough Ministry it always has been o n the other hand, some feel that the
late. re-used too many of their own past
RlPt wxthnat mrnks I/-Hn'av Cldifferp ements and that Ministry is runnine
the other Ministry albums is that this one is Bush's promise and support of God. Remnants of out of creativity, and that this was released for
concept album. Yes, the concept album. A "Just One Fix" and "Lay Lady Lay" are recog- the sake of just targeting Bush. In fact, on their
dreaded hit-or miss idea in the world of record nizable during "Worthless" (track 3) before Evil Doer tour, Al's rallying as many fans as he
sales and fanfare, but Ministry isn't doing it for jumping right into thick and sludgy "What can to sign up to vote a la PunkVoter.com, which
the former two because they're doing it as a About Us" proportions with a Warriors' type is still at face value a good thing.
message as each song starts with the letter 'W'. squeal of "Wrong" ("You're wrong everytime"). Overall, Houses Of The Mole is definite-
Now, do you follow me? Here, Preacherman Jourgensen questions the ly worth a listen if you're on either side of the
If you know Ministry, they're not just a war in Iraq with corrosiveness and an upfront, political coin. And for Ministry fans who like it
crash and burn-sounding type of group, as they in-your-face honesty ("what makes you think intense, scathing, hard-edged, hostile, and con-
do it with a reason. Ever since Twitch they've you got the'God-given right/for killing people in frontational regardless of any Bush-whacking,
been very outspoken on their political stance. So a needless fight?"). this is it. Otherwise, you could still vote for
you'll know what to expect. And it only get crazier, with or without Bush.
--
I IMF-
~ ~ ~ '-y~pi_- _II~.~~ 9~l_-·
171·ls···-· s//3s1(··~1· I_·__I --- l~C~~~ Jiqr~·is ~ ·I
--
WNEI
w....
i......
..
....
....
..... . ..
.
I I -·~---~ ~- ^I 11
.„ · ·.i...
---------
- -- --
.1..** ---.. .i i------
------ ''in ...........---
-
K"-^dluads • _ . • .- - I
i
1
r - --"""-il,--
I----- ,:I·-.%. ........
.... ··----
^.... ... *-"r~~7i* lI
I n~ 4opw-
--"71;
'~F ..
.............
....
I·..I .· ··
-= d-sarJ L14L i-Irn
Page 29
useful ii
It is
be
h 1ti
iit::iVe to touch sE
't b een spr:aed . The apis
)estic. )rt o f defeats the herbal teas that aid in stress relief can be found and task oi,':ented
* „iL .
ii ely aroma).
i ii i ..............
. ::......................
................ right on campus or close by. Peppermint tea pathic profile wl
Besidb'sbeing nice i to lo at, to b riveflyii admire increases the circlatinof
.. lood suppIly t. the ual.) The apis is busyi
while passing them by on a daily .commute or brain. Increased oxygen to the. branin increases Apis types are o. , jealoI
planting them in a home garden t o attract the a:wareness and concentration for better' mental well orgaTnized. . ...J . . . able, nc
bu:tterflies and hirds, flowers are essential for performance. Chamomile is an iexcellent stress controlling. The y act like teen be<
a much greater pur:pose., -. reliever, and it is, another herbal tea, easy to, .oranize
and
.coli trol both,
They are of: emo.tional sign iicance; this come by. -.ow ever, because cha.omile has a are very
,we know. They can comuniWat a simple I love calming, mildly sed••ive affect, iit is better ate to b
........................
you, cause a tri ckling tear wheln ti heyi are give n taken at the end of a day when needing to relax.
ii:ilasa g bye, or be fthe ony sign of color and G"inseng tea, on the other hand is a good option ent a
life at a funeral. A flower, howev er, is no tro- for before studying or work, since ginseng good
maybe eye catching at first increases menta as well as physical stamina
ance, but di t thatfool you into b ieviii There is no magic pill to decrease long tera
g that its s pose is for the pleasure of stress. iestyl. factors are of primary impor- stitution, whose
ur senses. wer essences have been bent. They arqg
d. and utilized for their balanced life, getting 'good nutrition, enoihi mentall are aceustomed
exercise and adequate rest, than to see• out a to gett i j haie anil active
: qu iii, fix . i. ,is another h ..............
•ba•, . a:
, •a, . sex d'frl
Bach, founder of Bach flower
essences, initially in emergency medi- pers ma
cine. Hi ecame Clinical Assistant of|i ....
i ?s in ly. Al rkahol
Bacteriol, his Universty Hospital in| they la<
Birmingh fter siitudvi. Dr. :Samuel ITh fo:r Tj housesi:
The lily is tent atl neavorsl. They iare task
rom N .entedi problem solving.
iol(
st <: ties include agg... ion by heat
fro Tig tion from c old applic'ations.
liorates
dlsord:ers from A
B for
lom'fks
.
-book
e first part
is.
onstitut
,ive a com-
Pae 30
3-
Tales From a Hijacked Compu ter L By Joe Rios
Two weeks ago I decided that it was time program, and my spy-ware program, and began anti-spy-ware program, my anti-virus program,
to clean out my computer. This is nothing out of scanning. The scan revealed less ad-ware, but and a firewall program, and burned them all to
the ordinary for me. Every few months I'll back- now I had viruses! At this point I wanted to CD. Next I unplugged my Ethernet (Internet)
up my documents and format my hard drive, throw my computer out of the window. Of cable, and re-installed my operating system for
which is a very effective method of getting rid of course, I didn't because my ego would not let me the third time. (YAY!)
the files that have lost value, and some addi- lose to my computer. With my safeguards in place an hour-
tional items that have mysteriously found their later, I plugged my computer back into the net-
way onto my hard drive (usually porn). work and behold, everything worked just as it
Everything had been rolling along should. No viruses, no spy-ware, no ad-ware,
smoothly. I had my operating system re- just a computer that works like it should. What
installed, and I decided to go downstairs for a does this imply? It implies that there is some-
bite to eat. Everything seemed perfect at the thing about the local network that makes it a
time. I was wrong haven for viruses, and numerous malicious pro-
Fast-forward about thirty minutes, and I grams.
come back to my room to find my screen plas- Since I posses neither the knowledge nor
tered with pop-up ads. HOLY SHIT! What hap- right to speculate the source of the aforemen-
pened? I hadn't even opened a browser yet. A tioned problem, I'm not going to go pointing fin-
quick examination of my hard drive had discov- gers. I am however, fairly sure that with the
ered some programs -that are notorious for being technology fee that students pay each semester,
ad-ware. I installed my.favorite ad-ware detec- we should at least have access to a network that
tion program, and one scan revealed over one doesn't put us in a situation where such actions
hundred (that's right, ONE HUNDRED!) differ- are needed, some of which can be expensive if
ent pieces of known ad-ware/spy-ware files. I you don't know exactly what you are doing.
decided that I would re-install windows once Since the incident of two weeks ago, my
again and be careful to get my counter measures computer has been working perfectly. Nothing
in place as soon as I was online.- has popped up that would cause me concern, so
Fast-forward another forty-five minutes I suppose that my preventative measures are
and the operating system is re-installed and working, but if you lack the technical know-how
things are once again running smoothly. I begin to correct problems that you think are definite-
installing my preventative measures and as I'm ly related to being plugged into the local net-
installing them, I see a little icon on the work, then perhaps you should call the folks at
Windows taskbar (That's that little thingy on So I sat there for an hour, pondering the the Department of Information technology, also
the bottom of the screen where the "Start" but- nature of my situation, and venting some anger known as DoIT, and say "What the hell?!" And
ton is, for those who don't know the term!). via Grand Theft Auto. Then it dawned upon me. for those of you who can't look up their number
Looking at the text with the icon, it says What could be the source of my problems? because their computers are "out of commis-
"Installing Web Rebates." Then a few other Perhaps it has something to do with that funny sion" here's their number: (631) 632-9085.
items automatically installed themselves, and 5 yellow cable plugged into by computer that says, Everything mentioned above is just a tale
minutes later I start having pop-ups AGAIN! "CAT5E." A-ha! The problem isn't a Windows of a simple project gone horribly wrong, I'm not
At this point I really didn't want to re- related problem (for once!) but rather it's a computer specialist, and I'm NOT giving
install for a third time, so I figured I would just RESNET. advice n how to:,fix your compur,
cd spi don•
do my best to remove these unwanted guests With a concept in hand, I proceeded to break your computer on account of anything I've
from my computer. I installed my anti-virus get my hands on some installation files for my said.
Fear is the
Ultimate
Mindkiller
NY BRDK
iEI-N SEUAD
'PLAY KILL / WLLIN
QATION BEEINS
DCTOBEE l.BETH
UP TD $50
ES ...
blogspot.com
-.
Page 31
Although Green Lantern is the reason
physicists cry, I will try to deconstruct the
Emerald Champion's powers as portrayed in the
Emerald Twilightstoryline. Like most physics
problems, I will take the liberty of making some
assumptions and, for simplicity's sake, I will
only consider the ideal conditions. For exam-
p.le, I will deal completely with non-relativistic
mechanics, ignore quantum statistics, and I will
also use certain .physical impossibilities as
givens. I'm-skipping A LOT of. physics in my
analysis -for brevity and general comprehen-
sion.
PH-ILOSOPHY capacitor with conducting plates (separated by Coast City. Once he received his powers from
a dielectric) that can be charged and exhausted. the Guardians, he could return the favor by
Hal Jordan does this by creating a "circuit" of becoming the city's protector and provider.
This storyline is one that brings to mind sorts with the central battery. Once discon- Here, it becomes apparent that the Guardians,
many interesting philosophical issues, however, nected, the circuit (in this case Hal's body) can the men who gave Jordan his powers and police
the one I want to focus on, and only have time to hold the finite number of electrons injected by his actions with those selfsame powers, repre-
focus on will be Nietzsche's opus,Also Sprach the main terminal and can be used as a "fast sent a collective father figure. Jordan's powers,
Zarathustra. Parallels can immediately be battery." Since GL's powers are limited only by and by transference, his power ring, come to
found in how Hal Jordon, the wielder of a his will, I will assume that Hal's brain works as embody his phallus.
weapon powered by his will, has the potential to the "battery" that stores the electronic charge In the story, Coast City is destroyed
dethrone God so to speak and deny the impotent supplied by the central battery (This, of because Green Lantern failed to protect it. Not
morality forced upon him by long dead minds. course, cannot be true since the amount of cur- only that, but Jordan proceeds to use the power
It's also interesting to note that Hal Jordon rent running through Hal's body would be enor- the Guardians bestowed upon him to create a
additionally makes the mistake forewarned by mous. If his ring (capacitor) had to be facsimile in order to alleviate his own sense of
Nietzsche, of allowing the shadow of God to cast recharged every 24 hours and the maximum guilt. In the eyes of the Guardians, Jordan's
itself beyond God's death. voltage was approximately that of a lightening Oedipal!father figures, he has allowed his moth-
To begin with, the usage of a weapon bolt, or 50 million volts, we can surmise that the er, Coast.City, to .die while using his power to
powered by will is nearly a perfect analogical operating current of the "Hal circuit" would be reanimate her into a perverse marionette.
relation to the concept of will as put forth by of the order 10 8 Amps. Our hero would basi- Responding to this, the Guardians seek to cas-
Nietzsche. It is precisely Will in man that cally catch fire from the inside and then melt. trate Jordan for his actions by relinquishing
allows him to deny the abstract concepts of pow- Taking into account the permittivity of free him of his ring. Faced with this dire threat,
erlessness before fate and God and allows him to space, I will conclude that internal combustion Jordan's only course of action is to rebel against
take hold of the impossibly liberating and will not be very effective against Killowog. the Guardians and become his own man in a
enlightening freedom limited only by his will. Q.E.D.). bloody rite of passage.
This is so in regards to Hal Jordon, as he is the Moving on, I would like to address the To protect his own phallus, Jordan con-
only human wielder of the power ring, his will green-ness of Green Lantern. Sticking to non- cocts a plan to make himself powerful enough to
is indomitable in regards to the wills displayed relativistic mechanics, I'd have to say that our stand up to the threat posed by the Guardians;
by other alien races. This is what allows him to "Hal circuit" also contains avevery,very, very while at the same time providing a visual dis-
take it upon himself to challenge the God precise band pass filter, which only allows fre- play of prowess ttiat would work toward garner-
metaphor of the New Oans. quencies in the 5 or 6 x 10 9 Hz range or "green"' ing the fear and respect of his father figures.
Hal realizes an important thing about part of the visible spectrum. Although this First, Jordan openly rejects the orders of the
his power. It is not the ring that gives him his doesn't make much sense and I'm really starting Guardians and refuses to relinquish the ring.
power; it is his will that determines the power to reach here, this would mean that his brain This is followed by a disturbing killing spree
of the ring. This shift in perspective allows him (battery) would also have to produce an AC cur- where he puts himself in the role of the father
to view the Oans, not as a beneficial deity grant- rent, which can be filtered. The band pass fil- and castrates his comrades in the Green Lantern
ing him power, but a limiting moral agent deny- ter would have to be his... uh... mask, I guess. Corps by taking their rings. When his potency
ing him the fulfillment of his potential. In his God, that's stupid. is of sufficient size, Jordan directly confronts
mind there is no option: God must die. Although I have only just scratched the the Guardians who have been taken aback by his
Unfortunately, Hal makes the mistake surface and there can be tons of different inter- ruthless actions. Realizing that their power has
that Nietzsche forewarned against, creating a pretations of Green Lantern's powers, there are become effete over time, the Guardians relent to
new metaphysics out of the dethroning of God. some things that still perplex me. These I will Jordan's will and allow him to castrate them by
In Zarathustra, it was man placing faith in the leave to the reader to sort out. 1) How is ANY- destroying their power battery. With this
illusion of objective science that Nietzsche ONE talking in space? The vacuum stops for no action, Jordan's coming of age is complete as he
warned against. In Emerald Twilight, Hal makes one! 2) I know I said "no quantum mechanics" takes the place of his unseated masters as the
himself the new God, deciding his morality, and but, uh... solid objects made of electrons? Dirac father figure of the galaxy.
his decisions are those by which all should must be rolling in his grave. 3) If Hal tried to
align themselves "with. He falls victim to the absorb the central battery, he wouldn't get a The Living Tribunal is :
terrible mistake that is the greatest danger new costume. He would bleed from every orifice
after the death of God. The memory of God can while having a planetary scale stroke. 4) Blue Michael Prazak
often provide a more imposing and influential midgets in red nightgowns? That's all right by Joe Filippazzo
image than the 'presence' of the God itself. me! Mike Billings
Page 32
An Interview With Tom Sen (us
- -- Bv Tom Senkus
In terms of greatness rarely achieved, that, for everything that has a certain value, I've
few achieve the precipice of genius. Although learned it on my own, outside the classroom. No
there's no basis for this last statement pertain- class will ever show you how to interact with
ing to our subject, Tom Senkus, I must say that I people, especially in the real world, which
find the rhyme "precipice" and "genius" simply exists. The real world is synonymous with, full
darling. self-responsibility. Anyways, to get back to the
I caught up with Tom Senkus at his com- point, I took one semester of SBU in the fall last
puter room in Ronkonkoma, typing furiously on year and absolutely abhorred it, Not only did
his lackluster computer with Windows 95 and I not have time for my own projects, but also
the date in the corner reading January 1997. taking so many electives drained me of original
Coincidentally, he was working on an article thought. All I could think about was leaving
entitled "An Interview with Tom Senkus." and, in my gut, it made me smile towards the
Embarrassed, Tom realized his futile effort and future. I made sure not to make the first mis-
submitted to an interview for The Stony Brook take I made at Berklee, and that was not getting
Press. involved with campus resources. I wrote my
first article for The Press in February and I
Press: Not only are you incredibly smart, but have been DJing at WUSB since then as well, so
you also are quite the stud with the ladies. I'm pretty well off,
Could you give some of our uglier reading pop-
ulace insight into why a creature of your sort Press: We heard you had to drop a bunch of
can exist? positions on campus considering your now "out-
sider" status.
Tom: Well, thank you for your beautiful lies!
(Laughter) I believe that fuglies of all sorts can Tom: Don't want 'em, don't need 'em.
become a lady's man by simply appealing to a
womann's mind. Think about it; you could be Press: What plans do you have- for the future?
built like a tank, but if all you can do is look
good, you won't last with the lovely females who Tom: In the next week, I'll be the proud of the
are working on their PhDs or furthering politi- - owner of a record label, and I've been constant-
cal causes. You know, real women. Also, it's ly, working on music, literature, spoken word,
very hard for girls in this era to find chivalry bad comedy, you know, just trying.... There's a
in a modern context, someone who's shy enough lot of naysayers, ne'erdoers, and doubters, even
to make a lady feel incredibly appreciated, but among the closest social coterie. Hell, I.had one
also please her in other ways besides opening of my friends tell me I couldn't drive, and here
doors and courting. I am, doing 80 on the LIE. If I ever had any
advice to give, it's just try, then do. 'Never mind
Press: What's your opinion for the political Yoda.
climate of the US? Where do you see US after the
election? Press: Not to prod, but are you gay?
Tom: September 11th. That's my opinion. Tom: Whenever a sentence starts off with "not
People won't riot if the price of gas goes up three to prod," I brace myself for a question that will
cents from some foreign embargo, but when peo- offend me. No, I am not gay. I do, however, vehe-
ple you know start dying, then it's an awaken-, mently support gay rights. I believe Christian
ing. Just think, not only has America's callous- fundamentalism has spread to those who are not
ness got the entire Middle East mad at us in the even Christian themsel-
first place, but our president ignores something
that's the manifestation of that. On the other Press: Is abortion a hot topic as well?
hand, and it pains me to say this, but the US
needed something to get our hands out of the bag Tom: I'm pretty liberal when it comes to per-
of chips and into the voting booths. sonal rights.
Press: Why did you drop out of Stony Brook Press: Oh wow, Tom, I just, just...
University?
Tom starts making out with Tom, making this
Tom: I had a longstanding situation with interview very awkward and very over....
organized schooling. If's the Mark Twain quote:
"I don't let my schooling get in the way of my Press: Wow....
education." I read tht aat my first college
(Tom's first college was Berklee College of Music Tom: I'll say!
in Boston) and it slowly hit me that everything
Mu:aSm
al o ey
A musical odyssey by Tom Senkus I I
Page 33
_ ·_ __ __ ___
A Suggestion
By Ian Okser
I've been out of college for about four jets home on weekends. Don't tell me you're it's probably three or four. Stony Brook is so big
months now, and I have to say, I don't miss it one going home because you miss your Mom and Dad that it can't afford to be decentralized on the
bit. When it came down to deciding where I or your bed or your friends or anything else scale that it is. Nothing will change the physi-
would spend "the best time of my life," as grad- that isn't at Stony Brook. It's okay to go home cal proximity of one quad to another but per-
uates commonly refer to their college days, I've every so often, but the only way to make Stony sonal connections must be tightened. The poor
always regretted choosing Stony Brook. From Brook life more comfortable is to make STONY social dynamic that exists on campus is a major
what I remember, and I doubt things have BROOK your home, or at least a second home. If factor of people's unhappiness. Get out of the
changed substantially over the summer, the you miss your parents, call them, put up pic- high school clique mentality. The sooner you
Stony Brook experience could be pretty miser- tures of them. They would be much happier to realize that you don't have to hang out with only
able at times. This negative sentiment is far know that you're enjoying yourself than to have those people who listen to the same music as you
from unique as many students come to this real- you at home every weekend wallowing in your or wear the same clothes as you, the better off
ization by the end of the first month of their own pity for enrolling in the most uneventful you'll be. Be an individual, and you'll find that
first semester, once the partying dies down and school on Earth. You miss your bed? Bring it you'll fit in anywhere. I know, it's quite a par-
work kicks in. It doesn't get better...unless you out to school then, or buy a more comfortable adox!
do something about it. mattress than the one provided, get a couple of Watch out for the Greek system, sorori-
Regarding the average student's con- throw pillows, anything to make it feel more ties and fraternities are a joke. For one thing
tempt for Stony Brook, grievances commonly they completely limit an individual's openness
echoed are as follows; the administration does- to others. They alienate outsiders because
n't care about us, many teachers don't speak members are encouraged to mainly hang out
English, food prices are outrageous and every- with their "brothers" and "sisters." C-U-L-T.
one goes home on weekends rendering campus Most people want to make friends naturally.
life NO FUN. Now, regarding the latter, I have Call me naive, but this is 2004 and I like to
heard that this is no longer the case.. think people are willing to associate with any-
Supposedly people are finally staying over the one regardless of race, fashion choice, hair color
weekends, parties do exist and campus life has or weight class.
improved overall. No one should join a frat or a sorority
I wish my Alma Mater the best but for- their first year. Those that do are obviously
give me for I have always been a pessimist. I undeveloped in terms of their maturity. People
doubt, and I may very well be wrong, that any- join these things to make friends but if you
thing has really changed regarding campus life, think this is the only way to do it then I suggest
remember it's still early (by the way, Campus your reread the last paragraph before you
Lifetime, and the annual Strawberry Festival pledge to be ridiculed, spanked or made to
are a sorry excuse for entertainment. One is a like a bedroom than a cell. Stony brook is your develop an eating disorder. You'll notice there
promotional tool for fruit preservatives and the second home; you can't deny that, especially aren't many upperclassmen that choose to join
other is merely an inconvenience for com- when you sleep out there at least four days a frats or sororities because they, in all their
muters). Some people may say that I am being week. Oh, you miss your friends, so invite them wisdom, have realized they don't need to buy
unfair. They may cite recent events like Dave out. They'd love to meet your Stony Brook their friends. The Greek system needs to stop
Chappelle and Kanye West's appearances as friends. Meeting new people is part of the rea- preying on poor insecure freshmen but unfortu-
signs that the wheels, of change are in motion. I son you're there and don't say you're there nately this is the fuel that keeps them going so
remind them that there have been events of this strictly to learn. Everybody requires a certain there's nho reason they will change. One more
caliber for years. Have people so quickly for- degree of companionship no matter where they thing, GUYS, do not join a frat to meet girls, you
gotten the Funk Master Flex parties of yester- are. will only meet sorority girls and if that isn't
year? Anyways, there is much more involved in You're not gonna make many friends sit- bad enough, if you are not in one of the "cooler"
cultivating student happiness than providing ting on your ass all week watching BET in your frats you are not going to get with any of those
sporadic concerts and comedy shows. lounge room or staring at College Television, or girls from the "cooler" sororities. You will only
I do have to admit that things have been whatever the fuck it's called, in Kelly Deli. Get be able to meet the girls from a sorority of a
changing slightly. I discovered in early May up, walk down your hallway or walk over to the higher weight class. Am I being mean?
that there is now an on-campus bar in the table next to you and assert yourself. Knock on Probably, the truth hurts.
Student Union, Unfortunately, I fear that even someone's door and introduce your sorry ass. While we are on the subject of appear-
this may be part of the cycle of abating hope This idea may sound profound to some of you ance, BOYS and GIRLS, if what you are looking
that so quickly fluctuates at Stony Brook. What but this kinda thing actually happens at college. for is a BOYFRIEND or GIRLFRIEND and you are
goes up must come down, There was an on-cam- This is how people meet one another. Don't one of the many people who consider only the
pus bar when I was a freshman; The Spot, but it worry if someone looks at you weird for saying superficial aspects of the opposite sex than I
disappeared as quickly as my faith in Stony hello, they probably don't normally meet new suggest you maintain YOURSELF first and fore-
Brook's redemption did. I'm trying my best to people themselves and they could probably use most. Too many times I've witnessed beautiful,
be an optimist though. I have a renewed sense some new friends too. If your motivation is sin- shapely girls come to college and gain an
of faith now that I've graduated, but longdterm cere and all you are trying to do is be friendly unsightly amount of weight only to leave college
change has yet to occur and sociable then sooner or later you'll be looking like their mothers. Guys, you have the
Stony Brook is like a stock and, sadly, received well and you'll be in good company. same worries: a potbelly is a common effect of
certain administration members view Stony Pure and simple. Until then, stay in your room college life and this, I assure you, this is a
Brook as an actual stock, and not just a metaphor and talk shit about the school and the other peo- prospective girlfriend's worst nightmare, at
as I am suggesting, but I'll get into that later. ple in your building, who you probably don't least one that you can control. There are two
Anyways, it's a roller coaster ride, it gets bet- even know yet. If that's what you do with your simple solutions, eat right and exercise. You
ter, it gets worse but overall it stays within two day then you'll be doing the same thing tomor- pay for the on campus gyms, so use them (they
narrowly constrained parallel trend lines and it row, I promise. Don't be like Leonard Cohen and are a great way to meet people). This however,
will take a very high degree of volume (change) wait for a miracle. Be someone else's miracle. is not enough. Exercise will not keep you in
to finally break through its overhead resistance Knock on their door. Remember you're not the shape if you are still eating like a glutton.
and start consistently improving. In order to only one who's bored. Avoid sugars, saturated fats (i.e. fried chicken,
reach this breakout, everyone must pull their Stony Brook is an emotionally cold place. potato chips etc.) and ease up on the booze. It
weight. In the past it seems that most people, Lots of people are very snide and give off an was only when I went down to study abroad in
including myself, were not interested in initi- attitude of superiority. You don't need to stoop Australia, one of the drunkest countries in the
ating change. We would rather sit back and bad to their level to fit in. Those people don't want world, and witnessed the effect alcohol is hav-
mouth the school for all its shortcomings. This to fit in anyways. They're content to be jerks so ing on so many of these beautiful girls, did it
passive aggressive attitude is, however, unac- let'em. Mother knows best; if you wanna fit in click in my mind-that temperance is the key to
ceptable. Stony Brook had and still has its then be nice. Furthermore, most people living staying fit. If you love to drink as many of us
problems but the worst thing anyone can do is on-campus have a disturbingly small network of do, but want to maintain your figure at the same
disregard the fact that a problem exists. It is friends. This doesn't work at a school of this time theft drink less, lower your tolerance, get
not enough to say, "you just make the best of it" size. If almost everyone chooses only to associ- buzzed easier and save yourself the calories.
or "well, other schools are worse". A half full ate with the same ten or fifteen people it Back to the food though, now I know it's
glass is still half empty. becomes that much harder for people to meet hard to eat well when you live on campus con-
I'll start by addressing the first prob- one another. Instead of there being only two or sidering they hardly provide any healthy alter-
lem, which has to do with the fact that everyone three degrees of separation between students natives at the food courts. This is where social
Page 34
i 1
A Suggest ion
By Ian Okser
responsibility comes into play. For those of you FSA and Campus Residences to get this prehis- not see any reason to participate. It seems as if
who aren't aware, there is an organization (they toric mandatory meal plan rule changed. nothing has been changed, nothing is changing
may be a corporation for all I know and if You need to get involved. You need to and students don't see anything changing in the
they're not they might as well be) known as the voice your opinions. Let the administration future, that's why they don't vote. Another rea-
Faculty Student Association (FSA). Anyway know that you don't need them, they need you. son for minimal turnout is that elections are not
FSA js responsible for all your food woes. They Stony Brook is run by a woman named Shirley publicized nearly enough. USG is responsible
set the prices and they're at least partly Strum Kenny, I am not nearly as in touch with for initiating change and therefore it is respon-
responsible for the policy that forces everyone the politics of this school as many of the writ- sible for ensuring everyone knows when elec-
who doesn't live in the Undergraduate Student ers at The Press and I take everything I hear tions are being held. If they won't do this then
Apartments (ALL freshmen and sophomores) to with a grain of salt, but if half the things I have you have to find out for yourself:
purchase a meal plan. I assume this policy isn't read are true than this woman is as ineffective In all fairness though, I must note that
criminal but it should be. when it comes to addressing the needs of stu- there has finally been a regime change within
FSA and Campus Residences obviously dents as George Bush is in addressing the needs USG and a new president, Jared Wong, has been
do not believe that you as students should be of the working class and the impoverished. Ms. elected. We'll see how effective he can be in
allowed to make choices when it comes to what Kenny is big business in the form of a universi- bringing about change, b-ut I have faith. I met
you eat. The fact that it's mandatory to pur- ty president. Last year at Stony Brook day in him once or twice, he's a good guy who really
chase a meal plan is bad enough, but the small- Albany, Ms. Kenny made a speech discouraging seems to care about the students' well-being
est plan you can purchase is still a whopping students from "complaining" about the tuition (MUCH more than the last president did) and
thousand dollars or so a semester, money you hike and urged them to instead focus their you should not hesitate to voice any concerns
can spend much more efficiently at any local efforts on supporting Stony Brook in its quest to you have with him.
supermarket. This you all know. The following find other entrepreneurial ways of making Make the best of this time as aggressive-
some of you may not; FSA has a contract to only money. In other words she said, don't fight for ly as you can. My college years were not the
buy Coca Cola products. Usually schools allow your student rights, and don't fight us while we best years of my life, at least not the time I
corporations to sponsor them to in order to make find more creative ways to take money from you. spent on-campus. However, we as individuals
money. Makes sense right? If Stony Brook has Ms. Kenny makes a lot of money and has yet to. are wholly responsible for any disappointment
signed a contract with Coke to buy only their give back to the students who make her lavish we bring upon ourselves, but I'm afraid it's too
products, I imagine Coke is offering their prod- lifestyle possible (she lives in a mansion). Get late for me to lament any longer. I've graduated
ucts at a discount to the normal wholesale rate. on her case. and I have to move on.
However, there is little evidence of a discount The student body must start helping I'm urging you to take the initiative
when you see what they charge for a soda. What itself since it is obvious that FSA, Campus because I personally never did anything to con-
is this hoarded money going toward? Not you. Residences and Ms. Kenny are only out for tribute (aside from the unauthorized smear
Meanwhile, if you want orange juice you are themselves. The Undergraduate Student- campaigning of a USG presidential incumbent
forced to drink Minute Maid since it's a Coke Government (USG) has, in the past years, been and the occasional, ineffective, Thursday night
Product, Minute Maid is disgusting and no sub- negligent in its responsibility to properly serve destruction of school property) and in hind-
stitute for O.J. the students needs. USG is responsible for dol- sight I'm pissed that I never saw anything truly
FSA's office is located on the second ing out money from the Student Activity Fee. improve. See if you still like this place in a
floor of the Student Union. Get on their case. Since it's your money then you should get to couple of weeks, if you have any problems then
Question their policies and prices and don't let choose how it is spent. The problem lieg in the you have to act or at least give the proper sup-
them give you defensive answers that they are so fact that there is no effort to let the average stu-- port to those who are willing to. You're all part
accuistomed to doing.: Boycott Campus Dining dent know where his or her money is going and of Stony Brook and you have as much say as any-
Services. I am told that there is a deli across the there is io way for students to vote on what the one else, you just have to make sure you're
street from the train station right near Stony money should go toward, as far as I know. If heard. Stony Brook is actually a great school
Books that accepts meal plan points. Check out there is it needs to be brought out into the open. with lots of potential but at the moment it's a
their prices, if they're better than on campus Another big problem with USG has been the sleeping giant. Give it a good shake; wake it up,
prices then you should patronize them instead. pitifully low voter turnout during elections, once and for all.
It's not that far of a trip and it's worth the exer- something around 10 to 20 percent. This poor
cise. In the meantime someone needs to petition turnout is a result of the fact that students do
v - I
r
i
-rH
. /
-Si···/
Pr&
kAMIN.- aer~ll~ -OAk L~lla ~
y ~MW
~^c .::
:·:
:38Bi:"·
j~P9~3::~
:::)
Touchin yourse f . .E
The Student Health Sevice - CHOCE Center wl hold (no pun intnded
a brest testicular self-examination workshop -onOctober25t, from 1-3 rm
in the Student Health Center Resource Room (217). Spaceis limited, so ill
Kate @ 632-6960 to register.
Page 39
Media Ethics and Responsibi lity
_ __
It happens all the time. Not only in stu-
By Dustin Herlich
or write to us. E-mail or phone, or "snail mail" attention. We really don't get hate mail any-
dent media, but also in commercial media prob- (our fax machine isn't working too well right more, ,and there hasn't been much praise mail
ably more so. Facts reported are wrong, and now). You're also welcome to come down to the this year, either. We'll take both. Most letters
quotes are taken out of context, or damn near office and speak to us. Believe me, we'll listen. get a personal response, and get printed.
made up. People I know whom the NY Times, If you're written us a letter, the letter will be There isn't anything as bad as compla-
Newsday, and others have interviewed say found in the next issue on the letters page. It's cency and inaction. If you're pissed at someone
they'll never let themselves be interviewed that simple. If you've spoken to us, or gotten in in the media for actually taking action and writ-
again. Not only that, but when they asked for an touch with us by means other than letter, we can ing a story, you in turn must rise up make your
editorial correction, they were refused. Media always print a retraction if we need to. More voice heard. Free speech is only free when you
can be just as dirty a business as any other, likely though, we'll ask you to submit content to actually use it. Otherwise, it's expensive
especially when it comes to commercial media. us, and educate us on what you see to be the cor- silence.
Commercial media in many ways is little rect version of what we said. As a token, do me a personal favor, write
more than timely entertainment. Therein lies Yes folks, administrators, professors, a little note to the paper, or call us and tell us
the problem. They have to sell stories, sell students, sanitation engineers, and even the you've read this article. Administrator, stu-
papers, and get ratings. Here at The Stony Brook ducks in Roth Pond can submit articles to us. dent, street urchin, whoever you are, please
Press, we are thankfully immune from these We'll print them. There are few things better send us a comment, a critique, a bad "yo'
commercial interests. That doesn't mean we're for a free speech open forum like us than an Mamma" joke. I'm sure more than just the copy
perfect, but it does mean we have the ability to active readership. Got a problem? Write to us. editors of the paper are going to read this, and I
correct our wrongs in ways other publications Like what we said? Tell us. If nothing else, want to see how many of you actually care about
don't seem to be able to be bothered with. simple feedback is the only way we have of what I'm saying.
The Stony Brook Press is a free speech knowing what kind of job our readers think In the "professional" world, editors are
open forum. Any submission with a name on it we're doing. I tell this all to people constantly, responsible for grammar, fact checking and
is the viewpoint SOLELY of its author(s) and no and now that I'm writing it, maybe I'll be assigning articles. In our little world, writers
one else. Any content without a name on it can believed. I actually wish we had considerably are mostly on their own, and editors are here to
be considered editorial content, which we dis- more feedback from administrators and profes- guide and help when needed. There are certain
tinguish to.mean content the majority of the edi- sors. editorial positions, like copy editor and pro-
torial board supports as being their viewpoint. Based on the fact that we've had to duction manager that function much more like
For example, the two or three editorials we increase our print run AGAIN this year, and their "real world" counterparts, but this is a
print on page six and seven are written with the that our issues are consistently over 40 pages, less centrally structured organization.
"we" voice. Articles on pages 2-5, and 8 I'd say we're doing well. More people want to be The entire mentality of media, commer-
through infinity have the NAMES of the authors editors than we have spaces, and our staff box is cial and not probably needs to be changed some-
on them. soon going to have to be it's own separate page. what. In an ideal world, the climate of media
Got a problem with something that's Still, there are those we upset constantly. would let the writers be less sensationalist, and
been printed? Well, you've got lots of options! If you are upset with a more "main- more truthful. Writers need to be taught better
The Press affords every opportunity for dis- stream" media outlet, the procedures are large- accountability, and have more precise values
gruntled readers, and even ones that agree with ly the same for getting your voice heard. The instilled in them. That being said, watch these
us to voice their opinions. Below I'll spell out exceptions would be that most pther papers pages in the next few issues for more in depth,
the steps you need to take in order to have your won't print your articles, but may print a short detailed accounts of media, media ethics, and
voice heard in an issue. Oh, and before I forget, submission on their editorials page. Letters to pieces of journalistic interest. Why do this do
most importantly, if you have something to say, :the editor, and phone calls tthel editor usual- you ask? Because as President of SPJ, News and
or a correction to make, and DON'T DO IT, it's as ly are counted. The paper does have to serve its Public Relations Director of WUSB 90.1FM and
if we are completely right, and what we've said readership, and just like us, ieeds feedback :t Ombudsman of The Stony Brook Press, I feel that
is perfectly true and everyone in the world survive. , it's my responsibility to package all the infor-
agrees. For publications in the commercial sec- Unfortunately, most commercial news mation I can together, and disseminate it to the
tor, the same really does hold true. entities are bombarded with feedback at times, masses, like a good little reporter.
If we've quoted you, or used al fact you and getting a timely or proper :response c an be
believe to be incorrect, the first step is to call difficult. At this newspaper, were starving for
I ~_I
";· .:i
"'"'·'·'·"
S
446~ P:
' P
-~:ii I
r
a
ar
:
. . ......
iX
iff Its .- ::
X
X,
a~i UION·
Why I Left the Staesr tan
By Dana Ann Gomi
Two words explain why I left The had many issues with him on a personal level SHUT UP!!!
Statesman: Mansoor Khan. Nobody knows why I and on a professional level. Now I write for The Pressand that is the
left, as the people I provided so much quality Well, everything went down on a best decision I have made. They have been nice
service to never so much as made mention of it. Wednesday night when Michael Nevradakis, to me, welcomed me with open arms, and they've
So here is my explanation to the students and Maury Hirshcorn and I went to. speak to even started a sports section, which is a big step
staff of Stony Brook University as to why I left Mansoor. He attacked us. He attacked me. He told for them. I can honestly say they are the better
and the truth about The Statesman's beloved me I was not a good writer and my articles need- campus paper. They have the guts to say what is
editor. ed a lot of editing. He went on to say I need to on their minds, unlike The Statesman, which
I started writing for The Statesman when "stick to what I am good at," and what I know doesn't want anything to leak out.
I transferred to this campus in January, 2003. (which is assigning articles, and making sure I will say I am better off without The
Right away, I wanted to write for the school my writers cover the games). Those were the last Statesman, not the other way around. The paper
paper and cover all the various campus sports. words that I would ever take from him. I quit seems to be getting worse and worse as the
The Editor-In-Chief at the time (Jeff) saw sam- that night. Mansoor didn't tell anyone about my .weeks go by. I think The Press should take over
ples of my work and wanted me to start right quitting; he didn't want people to know what an and be the only paper on campus. I think it
away with The Statesman. There were no sports "asshole" he-really was to me, to many others would make a lot of students much happier.
writers at that time except for Jeff and myself. and to essentially everyone on campus. I can't even tell you how many students
In fact, there wasn't even a Sports Editor. So I Once I made my decision, I was happy. I talked to me and told me they hate Mansoor. I
went to work. I started covering every sport didn't have to deal with him anymore nor did I mean people who have met him once think this.
myself, simultaneously recruiting other writers have the stress of The Statesman upon me. But He is cocky and arrogant...but why? There is
so there could be a bigger staff for sports. I. did once again, Mansoor opened his mouth and said nothing there. He is as fake as plastic surgery.
this all on my own and worked my butt off. to some folks at a Media Open House (with peo- People need to see how he really is. He is an act.
Then Mansoor Khan comes into play. He ple I know around him), saying, "The paper is He is not who you see on campus. Trust me from
was just never happy with anything I did, right better without Mike and Dana." Man, oh man, he experience and from the word of many others
from the start. But I just smiled and took his doesn't get it. who have had to deal with him. All I have to say
crap. Last year I was done doing that. I threat- Due to his nasty and foul mouth, he no is he thinks he has gotten me to where I am now
ened to quit many times due to his overpower- longer has a sports section that looks even and he didn't. I won a Newsday award on my
ing and just annoying ways. He was always both- remotely decent. He is so sad he has to ask his own. I know I have talent and I can write.
ering me about something. He acted like I didn't friends to write sports articles for him. Plus, Mansoor Khan will not bring me down. I hope
know how to do my job. I mean, all on my own I they don't know anything about sports and they someday he sees what he truly is like to people
got a staff together and became Sports Editor. just make themselves and Mansoor look bad once and faces reality.
For some odd reason, he thinks he did this. again. I mean, I feel bad for Mansoor in a way One more thing to add: I ran for
Reality check: You didn't, Mansoor. because they are the only people who like him, Homecoming Queen and I lost (which is okay),
Now we lead up to the present. I wasn't so he gives them high positions within the paper but Mansoor, you ran twice for Homecoming
happy with Mansoor once this semester started, because nobody else wants to work with him or King and lost. Doesn't that hurt? I think the
due to the fact he never told me we were doing The Statesman. I worked my butt off to be an knife just went in more for you. I left The
summer issues of the paper nor did he ask me to editor; they are friends with him for five min- Statesman for good reason and I hope that you
contribute. He said that he didn't see me, yet I utes and - boom! - here is your new position. all see that Mansoor Khan is not fit to run a
remember running into him in Starbucks many The truth is starting to come out about school paper. He does it for all the wrong rea-
times. Once again, he comes in for the Fall all him, and about what type of person he really is. sons. He trashes people to make himself feel
cocky, ready to push us around once more. I am I have been myself from the beginning, love me better. I am doing this because the truth needs
not the type of person to be pushed around. I or hate me. Idon't write for the paper for money to come out.
speak up, I am blunt and I don't think he likes or recommendations like he does. How low can The truth hurts doesn't it, Mansoor?
that too much. He wanted to expand the Sports you get when you tell people you do it for the
secdtion, which was awesome for me. But I still recommendations? I got a tip for you, Mansoor:
. ,:.
Page 41
Are You Twin!
By Tom Senkus
s?m
Twin towers, twin beds, Twinkies. a difference. Then again, give credit to a guy Next time it happens, I should look at
There's really nothing good about being a twin. who majored in Physical Education, otherwise my brother and say, "Are we? Oh my lordie, we
I, in fact, claim that title: Twin. I've seen it time known as Pedophilial Phailure. ARE! I've been living a lie!!!" You know, just to
and time again: happy little television spots of For our school yearbook, I was hounded see what happens.
75 year old clones holding hands and frolicking by the committee in charge, who wanted to get Maybe I'll go the Highlander route and
on some South Dakota veldt, with matching "uni- pictures of twins for Connetquot Reflections. behead him in ambiguous Irish Samurai show-
forms" and basically no opinion of their own. For some reason, putting twins in the yearbook down fashion. "There can be only one!," and the
They tend to assault the microphone, finishing would show an anomaly in the usual horde of behead him on the spot. Again, just to see what
each other's sentences and looking happy inter- white trash, over-privileged honor students, happens. He's hording my half of the blood any-
rupting each other. If my brother finished my and human detritus. "Three pairs of twins; what way.
sentence, I'd lay him out on the floor in a pool of a blessing," the principal would remark, and
his own blood-lymph mixture. there we were, front page of the yearbook, not "Which one's the oldest?"
The transgressions of the media are very smiling, and adjacent to a pair of sickly looking
much to blame. The best example is the girls. Not Doublemint-quality by any stretch of As if I'd reveal some crazy story. Does
Doublemint commercials. Listen, I'm (we're) the thong strap. :Shudder: it make any difference to you if I were born two
not attractive, so fuck that marketing campaign. Stoners and students who thought they minutes apart or twelve hours? That's right,
Anyway, what a great way to make money. I were quite clever came up with, "Did you guys there is no difference.
mean, what are the two mints that compose ever, like, switch classes or girlfriends," grin-
Doublemint Gum any? That's right, African ning with brimming ego. "No," and do you want "Do you feel each others pain?"
stinkmint and Pervuanian libido-nullingfying know why? Because I wouldn't know jack about
ju-ju mint. All I know is that most people aren't all my brother's social mannerisms, nor any- We don't feel each other's pain. Ever.
thinking of gum when they watch the commer- thing he was studying. Somehow, we are lost as Wait, I got an idea: How about I punch you in the
cial, expecting some version of the Playboy individuals and become an entity. Just chalk up throat, and I'll see if he felt as good as I just felt
Twins to be driving a black convertible. our similarities to happenstance and a common crushing your larynx. Any twin claiming a dis-
Besides, the gum hurts my teeth. environment. My closest friends even like to senting opinion to my own is full of ka-ka.
Family is another factor of twin-dom. refer to me by my last name, surmising that we
You can usually tell your loyal family members are the same brand of human. "You guys should make out!"
apart from the name they blurt out, "Steven, can Getting back to educational prisons,
you help me with these chairs," that's my cue campus tends to be a discomforting experience. This one is a bit harder to pinpoint the
to ignore them, "or whatever your name is?" Oh People make eye contact with me and grimace as stupidity on, but I think from the word
yeah, dipshit, what happens if I use the same if I am ignoring them. People getting mad at me "should," you've hit depths of Moronville never
logic on you: "Hey drone, go get me a piece of for no other reason other than my alter ego did quite explored before. Like Columbus, you, too,
cake and make it quick." Considering half my not say hello to them. When the people come are a pioneer.
family is part of the Catholic cult, Christmas closer, and I explain that I am not Steve, they What you are looking for is akin to
tends to be one of best times to ream presents. justify their fatal error by referring to our Conan O'Brien's "Max on Max" bit. I don't get it.
Whatever the logic must be, they give me half clothes. "You guys dress the same." The pro-
(not that I was expecting anything in the first grammed responses are funny: I mean, "are you "Are you guys identical?"
place). I'm more. surprised by the callousness, guys identical" is acceptable, but do you wear
the givers thinking, "They share everything the same clothes? Of course we fucking do, Hmmmmmmm, this is a tough one. You
anyways," and then kablam!, I get one half of the dumbass; the mall is the only thing peddling tell me.
stocking stuffers. shit to wear near us anyway. What would you
High school mixed the idiocy of non- wear if your parents income is divided among "What's it like being a twin?"
individuals with the power of assumption upon two instead of an intended one? That's right,
us. Forget about your accomplishments; I wear each other's clothes. To stoop to your "Well, I don't know any different, now do
played football (unfortunately), symphonic moronic depth of intellect, we would obviously I?"
band, jazz band, junior jazz band, jazz combo, a be the same size. "Oh, come on..."
few rock bands, ranked 32nd in my class, was While I would like to continue some con- "We do have to deal with morons a lot of
fairly sociable, etc. You know how I was tinuity in this slightly disjointed article, the the time asking us that very question."
referred to? "Oh, it's the twin." All I can think following are a few common phrases and expla-
is, "Oh, it'sothe dumb motherfucker. Go swallow nations why I hate you:
a razor and slice your larynx. No one wants to
hear you." Gym teachers were always bewil- "Are you guys twins?"
dered, and on some occasions, they couldn't tell
Is It Too Soon to Crack 9/11 Jok
I U By Sam Goldman
"I wanted a direct flight back to L. A., Looney Tunes cartoons featured Bugs Bunny and cops, perished that day, and to a great
but apparently they have to make a stop at the making fun of the Japanese. There was very lit- extent, it forever changed America, New York
Empire State Building." tle of what can be considered true "gallows" City, and the world. On the other hand, comedy
That joke was made by a comic in New humor, and there still isn't. Also interesting is has and always will be thought of as a healing
York City one month after the terrorist attacks that New Yorkers seem to get a Get-Out-of-Jail- agent, something that can be used to blunt the
of September 11t h. He got a smattering of boos, Free-card when it comes to making jokes that hit sharp pain of a great loss. Maybe it would take
and his act bombed (no pun intended). too close to the proverbial bone. New Yorkers a little longer, but eventually you could use
The last issue of The Stony Brook Press, seem to be able to make 9./11 jokes that others comedy to heal even an event on this massive a,
on the back cover, contained a picture of two wouldn't 'be able to, even if they were in New scale...couldn't you?
Statesman issues in the shape of the Twin York that. day, or had friends that died in the Bringing in a variable like personal
Towers, with the left one burning, and a refer- attacks. boundaries of what is and isn't offensive may
ence to "recreating national tragedies" from the It's been three years now. It seems little seem like a copout, and maybe it is. Yes, we all
"Coalition of People who Think it's OK to Laugh has changed. Any jokes we make are at the have our own ideas of when something goes too
Now". While we didn't get any angry letters expense of Osama bin Laden, or Saddam far, but, on a collective level, are, we ready to
about it (which surprised me), it's the basis of Hussein, or George Bush. In the case of Hussein acknowledge that something that delves deep
this article. or Bush, the jokes may make reference to 9/11 into our psyche, our darkest fears and desires,:
In the weeks after September 1 t h, com- in some way, but they are, at best, indirect; they and makes us laugh directly in the face of
edy was dead, and understandably so. It took don't hit home the same way. There are excep- tragedy? Are we ready to make jokes about the
several weeks for late night talk shows to return tions, most notably comedian David Cross (who planes on their way to hit the buildings, on the
to the air, and when they did, 9/11 jokes were called 9/11 "the day football stopped"), car- terrible losses of that day, on the horrible way
verboten. The Onion didn't come out for a cou- toonist Art Spiegelman, South Park creators many of them perished? Are we ready? Will we
ple of weeks, but were one of the first venues for Trey Parker and Matt Stone (who are about to ever be ready?
comedy to crack wise, and the issue was widely unveil Team America: World Policeto an unsus- Right now, some are ready. Eventually,
praised as a balm for New Yorkers who were pecting public), and few others who are brave we all will be. And there will still be some peo-
still grieving about the death and destruction. enough to tread uncharted waters. ple who think the jokes are callous, and even
Most of the jokes, however, were of a dif- So let's examine both sides. offensive. That's their right. But if, maybe, pos-
ferent tenor than the above two jokes. Most of the On the one hand, the attacks of sibly, the joke allows one person to heal a little
jokes involved making fun of the enemy; in this September 1 1th were the most tragic event in more in their own way, maybe it's worth it. So,
case, Osama bin Laden and al Qaeda. Jay Leno the nation's history. Period., One of the coun- next time, if you see someone, including, but not
was one of the first to make those types of jokes. try's greatest landmarks was destroyed when limited to, The Press, make a callous 9/11-
Precedents about making fun of the enemy were terrorists. hijacked four planes and steered related joke, remember, even if you feel like it's
set in World War Two, when comics were making them into the World Trade Center. Three thou- a shitty joke, maybe someone else will laugh at
fun of Adolf Hitler during the war itself, and sand people, including a great many firefighters it, and heal.
a® ~
'X.
:1XIX:
.......
I-------
.....
(
......
.1
..
p....
...
... .S
.-
.-
.....
.-
.- ~.........................
.
®.§G
3.
18......
~I .
.....
-.............
...............
........ . ....
--..........................
............. .... ......
........
.....
...............
.............
..........
.....................
......................
.................................
....
...
...................
..................
.....................