When Conflicts Arise

Conflict is an inevitable part of our lives, a common misconception regarding

conflict is that Harmony is Normal and Conflict is Abnormal. In fact
individual differences are a norm rather than an exception. When we accept
the fact that people are bound to have differing points of view then we have to
agree that conflicts are also normal.

A Conflict in itself is not a problem but when a conflict is poorly managed is
when it becomes a problem At times a minor conflict can transform into a
major problem because of how it is handled or rather mishandled.

he fact is that many times the resolution of a conflict can result in a closer
bond between two people or a more complete understanding of an issue by a
group.

!ow you approach conflict could ma"e your life tougher or easier for you. !ere
are some suggestions to explore how to handle conflict#

$. When confronted by an angry or hostile person, ta"e a moment to
consider your response, rather than reacting in the same way or being
defensive.

%. When a conflicting situation arises try to see your part in the situation
and be willing to ta"e responsibility for it instead of blaming others or
denying any responsibility.

&. 'uring the conflict stay with the issue do not try to change the subject or
bring up the past.

(. )isten to others with an open mind and be prepared to explore different
options for resolutions instead of insisting on your way.

*. As" for clarification when you don+t understand something, rather than
jumping to conclusions about what is being said.

,. -stablish boundaries during conflicts and do not allow anyone to verbally
or physically abuse you.

.. When resolution can+t be reached be willing to consult a neutral person to
help resolve the situation.

/. 0emember conflicts are not going to disappear by trying to avoid or
downplaying them. he fact is, unresolved conflicts ma"e people terribly
unhappy at wor".

1. 2ost important it is incorrect to thin" that winning a conflict will buy you
peace. 3ou can never win in a conflict you can only resolve it.

4etting things the way you want regardless of what the other person wanted
may give you a sense of control and gratification but will not solve the issue
which will simply reappear later. herefore rather than winning our aim should
be to resolve the conflict.

)et+s ta"e the case of 5anchita and her 2anager. he 2anager would li"e all
employees reporting at 1 am rather than the usual 1.&6am. 5anchita has to
drop her child to school and since the implementation of the new schedule, has
come in late a couple of times. he manager gets the impression that 5anchita
is deliberately not following the revised wor" schedule. he % possible
outcomes of this situation could be as follows#
# 1 he 2anager confronts 5anchita showing his annoyance very
plainly.5anchita who was already under pressure trying her best to adjust to
the new wor" schedule felt that the manager was being unreasonable and
unfair and became defensive. he 2anager in turn tried to tell her who the
boss was. After the discussion the manager felt 5anchita was la7y and
indisciplined while 5anchita felt her 8oss was biased against her .he situation
got worse, and on rare occasions when 5anchita was a few minutes late the
boss was unreasonably critical of her tardiness. 5anchita felt angry and
frustrated and started ta"ing longer coffee brea"s and reporting sic" more
often .And inevitably the other staff got suc"ed into the conflict with the
situation becoming increasingly polari7ed. And soon what was initially just a
perception became a reality9 the 2anager did not lose an opportunity to get
bac" at 5anchita while she acted la7y and uncaring.
Outcome: he original issue was all but forgotten as they developed intense
disli"e of each other.
# 2 0ather than trying to prove that he is the 8:55 the 2anager
approaches 5anchita and clearly articulates the reason why he wants the staff
in at 1am she in turn shares her difficulty with him. After discussing and
understanding each others needs they try to approach the problem with the
intention of solving rather than trying to be one up. hey reali7e that the
number of calls to be handled at nine are not many and can be easily handled
by the other staff who prefer to be in at 1am. While between *;.pm there are
many calls which could be handled by 5anchita if she stayed bac" in lieu of
coming later. he wor"ing hours are modified to suit all and the situation is
resolved amicably with no losers or winners.
Outcome: 5anchita is happy and appreciative of her 2anager. he 2anager
gets a happier and more productive employee. hese benefits were an
outcome of the conflict well resolved .
he benefits would never have occurred if this conflict hadn<t occurred, or if
either party played the situation as if it was a game to be won by one person
or the other.
Conflicts arise not only at wor"place but even in relationships or at home, and
can become unpleasant and hurt relationships, example#
= I want to save for a car she wants to go on a vacation
= I want to spend time with my family and friends he wants us to spend
time only with each other.
= I want to send the children to a school close to the house she prefers the
fancy school a little away from home
= !e always messes the house I am tired of doing all the wor". And so
on>>
!owever if handled effectively these conflicts can help us to enrich and deepen
our relationship and get to "now ourselves and each other better.

If you are finding it difficult to handle conflicts at wor" or at home, counselling
can help. ?lease do not hesitate to contact our counsellors, either online, face;
to;face or on the telephone.