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Non Verbal Communication Seminar Notes

How to Use Proper Body Language

I. Why should you work on your body language?

a. Studies have shown that between 65% - 93% of communication is non

b. Attraction for women is based on sub communication. You could have the
best demonstration of higher value story but, if you have bad body
language she will lose attraction for you because you wont be congruent.

c. Women read body language. Women pay more attention to your
nonverbal cues, than to what you are actually saying.

d. You can use your body language to change the way you feel. You can use
your body to get yourself in a more energetic, happier state through
breathing, moving or just changing one small thing.

II. What to Avoid

a. Leaning In. Also known as pecking. Conveys that you are overly eager to
hear (or talk to) the other person.

b. Hands in front pockets. Conveys shy introverted characteristics.

c. Cross arms (back of hands VS front). Conveys that you are closed off and
in a bad mood. Displaying the back of your hands = confrontational.
Displaying the front of your palms = nothing to hide.

The exception: crossing your hands when you are qualifying her can make
her feel like she has to prove herself to you.

d. Hands in her face. The natural reaction is to move away and feel
threatened when someone has his or her hands in your face.

e. Fidgeting and turning towards people too fast. Fidgeting shows that you
are nervous and not comfortable in that situation. Turning towards
someone really fast if they tap your shoulder or call your name shows that
its not a common thing for people to want your attention
(subcommunicates low value).

f. Dont wait for her when she goes to the bathroom, have her come meet
you somewhere (unless she leaves her purse).

III. The Basics

a. Eye contact (when to hold it?). Important to have strong eye contact
during the opener (especially if you go direct) and during the close.
Those are the times most guys look away because they are nervous.
Strong eye contact demonstrates dominance. Furthermore, connections
with people can be made through eye contact alone (staring contest).

b. Smile. Humans typically respond positively to a smile. Think about how a
baby will almost always smile back if you smile at it. Dont be OVERLY
smiling because then it comes across as supplicating.

c. Be comfortable. Always be more comfortable than or as comfortable as
the girl. If she is sitting and you are standing, then your value will drop the
longer you stand there talking to her while hovering over her.

d. Be unaffected and non reactive. The person who is more reactive has the
least value.

e. Chin up, shoulders back. Dont over due this. Remember, be comfortable!

f. Face-to-face VS side-to-side. Face-to-face for two guys = confrontational.
Face-to-face for a guy and a girl = sexual tension (the prerequisite is

IV. Using Body Language to Change Your State

a. Use your breathing. Slow down your breath and focus on your breathing to
get out of your head and stop over analysing everything. Speed up your
breath to feel more energetic.

b. Do something different. Jump up and down or start walking faster to get
your energy up.

c. Smile. If you start to feel negative just force yourself to smile and you will
start to feel better.

d. Walk with a tune in your head. Start humming your favourite song and
youll start to feel better.

e. Affirmations. Saying positive affirmations can make you feel better.
Example: Chanting Women love me! or Sexy women want me!

f. Exaggerate (Jack Sparrow, Jim Morrison). Overdue your body movements
to get out of your head and to try new things.

V. More Advanced Body Language

a. Hold her hand longer than normal. When you introduce yourself hold her
hand slightly longer than the norm. When you pull away, gently brush her
hand with your fingertips.

b. Slow down your movements. This will make you more relaxed and appear
more comfortable. It will also draw attention to you.

c. Facial expressions. Use your face to express emotions. Remember,
women are emotional beings.

d. Lock In (lean against something, sit down, stand on your back foot). After
youve opened and hooked the set, you need to get as comfortable or
more comfortable than the set.

Example: Bar spin spin her and steal her spot

IX. Infield Assignments

a. Focus on yourself. What that means is focus on being comfortable in all
social environments this week. If you feel anxious, just walk around the
venue for a while and slow down your breathing and just focus on feeling
really good. Focus on slowing down the way you talk. Focus on making
strong eye contact with everyone.

b. Do 1 thing that scares you or just something a little out of the ordinary and
become comfortable doing it.
- Stand in the middle of the dance floor for 5 minutes without moving
- Lay down on a bench at the mall
- Yell something really loud at the beach or park and then walk around
with everyone staring at you funny

c. Do 7 approaches this week. You can do 1 a day, or 7 in one night, or 3
one night and 4 the next. I dont care how, just do 7 approaches. On each
one of those. On each approach I want you to lock in. That means be
more comfortable than the girl. Either lean on something, sit down, or put
your wait on your back foot.

d. Look at other men that appear high value and watch their body language.
What do you notice? Any common characteristics?

e. Write down al your approaches and experiences in your success journal.