MARRIAGE AND FAMILY (SCL 9)

CALLINGS IN LIFE: VOCATIONS IN CHRIST (Marriage and Holy Orders)

Someone who is baptized and confirmed can receive moreover a special mission
in the Church in two special sacraments and thus be enlisted in the service of God: Holy
Orders and Matrimony.
Vocation as rising from Gods personal call to respond to the needs of others
and of the Church itself; and
Ministry - as serving to build up and strengthen the Church in its mission.
1. Married Life
God created in His image; male and female He created them. He blessed them
saying: Be fertile and multiply, fill the whole earth and subdue it. (Gn. 1:27)
For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cling to his wife
and the two shall be made into one. This is a great foreshadowing; I mean it refers to
Christ and the Church. (Ep 5:31f)
2. Priesthood / Religious Life
They are directed to the good of others. No one is ordained just for himself, and
no one enters the married state merely for his own sake. They are supposed to build up
the People of God; in other words, they are a channel through which God pours out love
into the world.
The man who is ordained receives a gift of the Holy Spirit that gives him sacred
authority that is conferred upon him by Christ through the Bishop. [1538]
Being a Priest does not mean just assuming an office or a ministry. Through Holy
Orders a priest receives as a gift definite power and a mission for his brothers and
sisters in faith. 150,215,228,236 (YouCat 249)
Priestly ordination is administered as a means of salvation, not for an individual
man, but rather for the whole Church. (St. Thomas Aquinas 1225-1274)
Why does the Church require priests and bishops to live a celibate life?
Jesus lived as a celibate and in this way intended to show his undivided love for
God and Father. To follow Jesus way of life and to live in unmarried chastity for the
sake of the kingdom of heaven (Mt 19:12) has been since Jesus time a sign of love, of
undivided devotion to the Lord, and of a complete willingness to serve. The Roman
Catholic Church requires this way of life of its bishops and priests, while the Eastern
Catholic Churches demand it only of their bishops. [1579-1580, 1599]
Celibacy, says Pope Benedict, cannot mean remaining empty love, but rather
must mean allowing oneself to be overcome by a passion for God. A priest who lives
as a celibate should be fruitful inasmuch as he represents the fatherly character of God
and Jesus. (YouCat 258)
What is Christian Vocation to celibate loving?
Virginity or celibacy, together with marriage, are the two ways of expressing and
living the one mystery of Gods covenant with His people. Priests, religious, and lay
persons who have freely chosen single blessedness, do so for the Kingdom of God
in order to hold fast to the Lord and bear special witness to the Resurrection and life
hereafter.
Everyone who is baptized is called to a life of holiness. All the faithful of Christ
are invited to strive for the holiness and perfection of their own proper state.
In the Church there is diversity of ministry but unity of mission. All the vocations
are directed towards the building up of the Body of Christ.

CHAPER 1. EMERGING REALITIES MARRIAGE
Marriage is one goal that most people want. For them getting married means
settling down, paglalagay sa tahimik. It is in marriage that men and women look
forward to attaining stability in life, security and fulfillment in establishing a family.
God created the first man and first woman in His own image and likeness. For
them He planned a life where sexuality, love, marriage and family were an integrated
part revealed to them by God through their human experiences. However, when sin
came into the couples life, His plan for them became blurred. God, however, did not
abandon them because of their disobedience and weaknesses. He redeemed them
and all mankind from their fall and also restored marriage to its original dignity.
Marriage is something innate, natural, that comes from the deeper part of human
beings that make them want to marry and have a family.
Their minds tell them that there is a superior power connected to getting married,
and to their life together with the family that follows. Thus, they look for the signs and
symbols for this mysterious presence, and seek to understand its presence in their life.
The early Christians acknowledged marriage as a msyterion or a sacrament: a
sign of a higher and sacred reality which entered salvation.
Marriage is a divine and human institution. Theological tradition considers
marriage as an officium naturae or a duty of nature because it is directed to the task of
procreation. God, the author of nature, entrusted this specific goal to the marital
partnership.
St. Thomas Aquinas says, that it is natural for human beings: a man to establish
a lasting relationship with particular woman. This excludes any promiscuous relations of
either one with somebody else. That the couple choose and accept each other adds
another element to their union of love and life.
The Encyclical letter Casti Conubii states that from God comes the institution of
marriage itself, together with its ends, the laws that govern it, and the blessings that flow
from it. Through the generous surrender of his own person to another for life, and with
the help and cooperation of God, man becomes the author of his particular marriage.
Thus it takes three to make this divine and human institution happen: God, a man, and
a woman who are all in love with one another. (CC 9)
Marriage is a covenant means a pact, an alliance or partnership that a man
and a woman form to commit themselves to a lifetime of togetherness for their own
good, and for the procreation and education of children. To the degree that covenant
is a more apt definition of marriage than contract, so is the saying pagiisang dibdib
more meaningful than pag-aasawa.
It can be observed that a couple within a marriage cannot depend solely on
themselves. There is a communitarian and public dimension to the institution of
marriage. It needs connection or access to such necessities as education, economics,
property, medical attention, public decency, and safety. Marriage needs the support of
the community and civil society. Community laws are necessary to protect the rights
and privileges of the individuals within a marriage. In spite of the promise of a lifetime
commitment of love and fidelity, for various reasons, a spouse may no longer feel bound
to his her promises. There is the need for a social unit to be responsible for them, to
provide reminders of a persons marital commitment and responsibilities. There must be
institutions to protect abandoned spouses and children. Their rights must be defended.
If marriage is to be lived in the Lord, as perceived in faith by Christians, then the
couple needs the encouraging support of a believing community. Today, especially,
there are emerging threats to family life that must be counteracted by a strong moral
and spiritual community of persons formed by married couples and individuals.

CHAPTER 2. PERSONALITY GROWTH AND MATURITY
GROWTH AND MATURITY
For marriage to really work, a man and woman should know what is expected of
them, and should have the capacity to fulfill the expectations. This necessities having
the complement of intellectual, psychological / emotional and social qualities that make
them able to live, act and interact according to normal expectations as spouses and
parents able to love each other, live together and build their family.
Marriage is the most serious partnership ever entered into by a man and a
woman. There is such thing as marrying at the right time. In a word, it requires maturity.
Maturity is that stage of growing up when a person may be described as grown up, an
adult, mature, or of age. It is with maturity that a person sufficiently develops powers of
the body and mind to understand the implications of what he or she wants. In doing so,
one calls to mind the important and serious steps in life in order to make necessary
decisions. Maturity is identified as Christian when the person intending to make
decisions and take action does so based on the perspective and principles of the
Christian faith, assisted by grace. It simply means, here is a mature person who is
Christian and acting the Christian way.

Importance of Christian Morality
For Christians, a man and a woman in marriage are not simply two human
persons relating to and loving each other, but it is a Christian man and Christian woman
loving each other like the love of Christ for the Church; and loving each other as Christ
loves them. Theirs becomes a marriage in and with Christ. They are Christian husband
and a Christian wife, and to-be Christian parents (Sheen, D.D., 1957)
To attain this level of relationship and to insure a satisfying marriage, two steps
should be taken. The first is to do what one possibly can to improve ones personality in
terms of maturity. The second is to look to Christ and His grace which will come from a
nurturing and abiding relationship with Him.
Predisposing Factors:
Heredity. From our parents, both sets of grandparents and other relatives up the
ascending lines, we inherit our basic personality traits, physical, emotional and
intellectual qualities strengths and weaknesses. These form the basis or the seeds of
the emerging distinctiveness in a person. What we are going to be like will be result of
what we know about ourselves, what we want to change or not to changes in us, and
what can be or cannot be altered. We can help ourselves form a mature Christian
personality.
Environment. It is not easy to assess how much and to what degree we are or
may be influenced by other people, especially when we are unconscious that it is taking
place. We are continuously being conditioned by the people around. The influences
may be visual, verbal and may be positive or negative nature. Their impact on us
depends on many causes. One is that the projected example comes from people we
love, believe in and trust. Another is when something is entertaining and desirably
shown on or presented with convincing impact. Ideas transmitted from these two ways
and other such channels may be easily taken in by us, for many ideas and values are
caught not taught.
Awareness and discernment of this happening can help prevent, accept or reject
certain influences that affect the positive information of our Christian personality.
Education. Learning to be a normal well-adjusted young Christian persons with
the ability to meet the different situations, make decisions and act on them means
learning to be mature, to accept responsibility, face reality, be independent, satisfy
psychological needs and have healthy interpersonal relationship.
The Gift of Grace. Moved by grace, a man turns towards God and away from
sin (CCC2018). Sanctifying grace is the gratuitous gift of His life the God gave us
infused by the Holy Spirit into the soul to heal it of sin and to sanctify it. (CCC 2023)
With our cooperation we can be transformed not only into better persons, but at the
same time better Christians. The power of Gods grace to work in extraordinary ways
should not be overlooked, although this is not the usual process.
Masculinity and femininity are traits that must be developed, fostered, protected
and lived in truth because they are a manifestation of the spirit. We must become the
man and woman God intends us to be since our vocation is to love Him back and to
love our whole humanity. God inscribed in the humanity of man and woman this
vocation and thus, the capacity for and responsibility to love in communion with society.

Characteristics of a Maturing Person
1. Prayerful and Humble
2. Morally upright: prudent, self-disciplined, just and courageous
3. Responsible: Competent, Committed, decisive, faces consequences, penitent
4. Loving: forgiving, compassionate, respectful and helpful
5. Self sacrificing: patient, perseveres in doing good
6. Full of Christian hope.

Dimensions for Maturity
1. Physical
2. Psychological
3. Socio and Cultural
4. Spiritual

CHAPTER 3. FULLY HUMAN IN SEXUALITY
A. GODS DESIGN FOR HUMANSEXUALITY
Sex is a gift from God and is therefore sacred.
The Bible say that after putting Adam in the middle of the Garden of Eden,
Yahweh God said, it is not good that man should be alone, I will make him a helpmate,
so from the soil Yahweh fashioned all the beasts and all the birds of heaven. These He
brought to Adam to see what he could call them; each one was to bear the name man
could give it. The man gave names to all the cattle, all the birds of heaven and all the
wild beasts. But no helpmate suitable for man was found to him. (Gen. 2:18-20)
Man discovers that he is unique and therefore different from all living things. He
also discovers that, like Adam before Eve, he is alone and has an exclusive relationship
with God. Adam established a true covenant with God where he must abstain from
eating the fruit of the tree of good and evil. Deep inside, he realized that though he
knew who he was, he was not happy when he was done. H did not feel completely
fulfilled. He felt that there was something fundamental that was lacking. (St. Pope John
Paul II)
God created man as male and female. He created them for each other and for
love. He created them with erotic desires and the ability to experience physical
pleasure. He created them to transmit life. [2331-2333, 2335, 2392]
Being a man or being a woman is very deeply imprinted on the individual human
person; it is a different way of feeling, a different way of loving, a different calling with
respect to children, another way of believing. Because he intended that they should be
there for each other and complement one another in love. God made man and woman
different. That is why man and woman attract each other sexually and intellectually.
When a husband and wife express their love for each other in bodily union, their love
finds its deepest sensual expression. Just as God is creative in his love, so too man can
be creative in love and give life to children. (YOUCAT 400)
God endowed men and women with identical dignity as persons. [2331-2335]
Both men and women are human beings created in Gods image and children of
God redeemed by Jesus Christ. It is just as unchristian as it is inhumane to discriminate
unjustly against someone because he is male or female. Equal dignity and equal rights,
nevertheless, do not men uniformity. The sort of egalitarianism that ignores the specific
character of a man or a woman contradicts Gods plan of creation. (YOUCAT 401)
The following principles that are drawn from scriptures will help in the
understanding of Gods design for human sexuality. Firstly, in creating man, male and
female, God gave man and woman an equal personal dignity (FC 22,cf. GS 49:2). Each
of the sexes is an image of the power and tenderness of God, with equal dignity though
a different way (CCC 2335). Every man and woman should acknowledge his and her
sexual identity, physical and moral differences and complementarity are oriented toward
the goods of marriage and the flourishing of the family life (CCC 2333). Maleness and
femaleness affect all aspects of the human person in the unity of the body and soul. It
especially concerns the affectivity, the capacity to love and procreate and, in a more
general way, the aptitude for forming bonds of communion with others (CCC2332).
The kind of affective life proper to each sex is expressed in ways characteristic of
the different states of life: consecrated celibacy for the sake of the Kingdom of God fro
priests and religious, conjugal union for married persons and single blessedness
chosen by lay persons.

RIGHT APPROACH O SEX AND HUMAN SEXUALITY
Differentiating Sex from Human Sexuality
The word sex refers to a biologically based need that is naturally oriented
towards the generation of new life although not exclusively. Its immediate aim is genital
activity but its real purpose, which has unfortunately been missed by many who engage
in the sexual act, is its connection to procreation and committed love between man and
woman. To be human is to be sexual in ones very being. Sexual means everything that
makes a man, man; and a woman, woman. Everything a man does is sexual whether
reading a book, driving, watching a movie, etc. It is a mode of relating to other human
beings and the world. This relational power includes qualities of sensitivity, warmth,
openness to persons, compassion and mutual support.
Sexual relationship refers to our being with other sexual beings due to the need
to relate with other human beings, to communicate and to commune with them. Such
communion brings about acts that are sexual in nature, biologically geared towards the
generation of life and the education of children who will comprise the future society.
Sexual maturity is the emotional and physical satisfying capacity to form a stable
relationship with the opposite sex. This is in contrast to sexual deviant behavior, which
refers to the behavior of those who have been for , unable to form relationships with the
opposite sec in equal terms and who cannot, therefore, give and receive love on a
wholly satisfying way [sex becomes less of sharing, it becomes a distortion of the
personality].
Sexual health, according to the World Health definition, is the integration of the
somatic, emotional, intellectual and social aspects of sexual well-being, in ways that are
positively enriching and that enhance personality, communication and love. The
definition spells out four levels of sexual well being: somatic (bodily or physical)
emotional, intellectual and social. The additional clause (in ways that are positively
enriching and that enhance personality, communication and love) is recognition of a
number of factors.
Value Formation in Human Sexuality:
1. Contributes to integral maturation of the person
2. For healthy interpersonal relations
3. Fosters healthy acceptance of ones sexuality
4. Comfortability with ones body
5. Motivates genuine efforts to develop ones manhood or womanhood

The Original State of the Human Person
Man and woman, in addition to the gifts of intellect and free will inherent in their
nature as delineated above, where also, in the beginning, endowed by God with other
preternatural and supernatural gifts. An absolutely supernatural gift elevates into the
divine order of being and activity while a preternatural one (also called relatively
supernatural) perfects within the created order. What is supernatural is natural only to
God and not to any creature, while what is preternatural to one creature may be natural
to another.
Supernatural Gift: SANCTIFYING GRACE
Preternatural Gifts:
1. Bodily Immortality
2. Freedom from the Signs of Death (pain and suffering)
3. Freedom from Irregular Design
4. Knowledge of Natural and Supernatural Truths Infused by God
- Mystery of Creation (Paul Haffner)
Male and Female Differences
Why did God design man different from woman? The keyword that answers the
question is complementarity. Their differences are based on the predominant qualities
and traits found in each. If one is a male person, he has to have the dominant qualities
and traits expected among males, and if female, the predominance of female qualities.
The following statements show significant differences between male and female.
Regarding qualities of mind and heart, men tend to be more logical while women get
easily upset and show it more readily. Males tend to be less emotional; females are
more emotional and more sympathetic and caring. Males tend to be loners and often
prefer to keep things in themselves; females want company and like to talk. In
expressing themselves, men are clearer and direct to the point; women tend to beat
around the bush. Males experience a sense of fulfillment not only in marriage but also in
work; females are more centered in marriage and family life. Regarding qualities of the
spirit, men are less religious than women, have less patience and though physically
strong, their endurance is less; females are more religious, more patient and can
endure and persevere.
Regarding sexual qualities, males tend to learn love through sex and are inclined
to physical aspects of relationship, while females learn sex through love and are
inclined to the psychological aspects of a relationship.
An awareness of male and female differences will make for better understanding
and acceptance of the ways of the opposite sex. It will also make each one realize not
to judge the other by his yardstick because inherently, male and female are different in
their ways of thinking, feeling and acting. It must be pointed out, however, that these
masculine and feminine differences are neither absolute nor exclusive. That, there is no
such thing as one-hundred-percent male or one-hundred-percent female. Finally one
should realize that the differences between a man and a woman also reveal Gods plan,
for marriage, for we are made the way we are to complement one another through the
sharing of love and the giving of life to build the great family of God. Human sexuality,
therefore, for man and woman should always be in the service of love and life.

Kinds of Sexual Attraction
Male and female complement each other; for this reason there exists a natural
attraction between them. Sexual attraction may be classified as general and personal.
General sex attraction is the kind which consists in an intriguing interest in the opposite
sex as a whole. Boys are attracted to the beauty and fragile grace of girls, which girls
are drawn to the calm deliberation and muscular build of the boys. This kind of attraction
generally happens at the onset of puberty. The males, when together, talk about
females, and vice versa. Males take the opportunity to join outings, excursions, parties
where they meet as many members of the opposite sex as possible. Personal sex
attraction is the kind that plays role in Gods plan for marriage. Only those who are
eligible for marriage should foster this kind of sexual attraction. Personal sexual
attraction is characterized as, first, being exclusive where presence of a third party is
resented: second, oneness which manifests itself in the desire for togetherness.

HOW CAN ANYONE LIVE ACHASTE LIFE? WHAT CAN HELP?
Someone lives chastely when he is free to love and is not slave of his drives and
emotions. Anything, therefore, that helps one to become a more mature, freer, and
more loving person and to form better relationship helps that person to love chastely,
also. [2338-22345].
One becomes free to love through self discipline, which one must acquire,
practice, and maintain at every stage of life. It is helpful for me in this regard to obey
Gods commandments in all situations, to avoid temptations and any form of double life
or HYPOCRISY, and to ask God for protection against temptations and to strengthen
me in love. Being able to love out a pure and undivided love is ultimately grace and a
wonderful gift of God.

Does everybody have to be chaste, even married people?
Yes, every Christina should be loving and chaste, whether he is young or old,
lives alone or is married. [2348-2394]
Not everyone is called to marriage, but everyone is called to love. We are
destined to give our lives away; many do so in the form of marriage, others in the form
of voluntary celibacy for the sake of the Kingdom of heaven. All human life finds its
meaning in love. To be chaste means to love with an undivided heart. The unchaste
person is torn and not free. Someone who loves authentically is free, strong, and good;
he can devote himself in love. Thus Christ, who gave himself up completely to his
Father in heaven, is a model of CHASTITY, because he is the original model of strong
love.
To give your body to another person symbolizes the total gift of yourself to that
person. (St. John Paul II meeting with young people in Kampala, Uganda, February 6,
1993)
Education for Chastity Begins at Home
Parents are the first teachers and catechists of the child. He learns the rudiments
of sexual matters from the way his parents relate to each other, from the male and
female differences and roles of male and female siblings or relatives.
Personal hygiene and grooming are basics and may be the occasion to discuss
body changes as an example is the onset of menarche and the change of voice which
are explained as natural signs of growth that are expected, have meaning and purpose.
When parents dedicate their time to their children and really place themselves at
their level with love, they help them channel their anxieties and aspirations correctly,
and teach them to reflect on the reality of things and how to reason. Children who have
this experience are better disposed to live according to those moral truths they see lived
by their parents.
However, the role of the Church through the Catholic Christian education and a
sacramental and liturgy responsive to the needs of the youth, the Church assists and
support the family in their journey in how to balanced growth as a persons in the world
of their time. Through legislation and institutions, the State promotes and defends the
welfare of the family.

Why is the Church against premarital sex?
Because she would like to protect love. A person can give someone else no
greater gift than himself. I love you means for both: I want only you, I want all that you
are, and I want to give myself to you forever! Because that is so, we cannot, even with
our bodies, really say I love you temporarily or on a trial basis. [2350-2391]
Many people take their premarital relationships seriously. And yet there are two
reservations involved that are incompatible with love: the exit option and the fear of a
child. Because love is so great, so scared, and so unique, the Church teaches young
people the obligation to wait until they are married before they start to have sexual
relations. 425 (YOUCAT 407)
If love is true then, it is willing to wait, for according to St. Paul LOVE IS
PATIENT. For the unmarried, there is no better way to prepare a future of endless love
than by living present love before marriage with purity.
Based on studies, there are other evils linked with premarital sex. Firstly, a great
number of engaged couples break their engagement after having had sexual
intercourse; and secondly, courtships that involve intercourse are more likely to end in
divorce or in adultery after marriage. Why these findings? Based on studies, this may be
due to reasons such as:
a) Many young men lose the desire to marry girls who have been easy with
them.
b) The man loses respect for the girl. Any form of relationship, if it is to last,
should be founded on mutual respect.
c) Unfaithfulness to ones fiance before marriage can lay the groundwork
for unfaithfulness of another kind of marriage. Gods standards are still the
best guidelines given to young men and women. No new morality can
ever replace them.
What is meant by fornication?
Fornication (from Greek word porneia) originally meant pagan sexual practice, for
instance, temple prostitution. Later the term was applied to all forms of sexual activity
outside of marriage. Today in English it generally refers to consensual sexual relations
between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman. [2353]
Fornication is often based on seduction, lies, violence, dependency, and abuse.
Fornication is therefore serious offence against charity; it harms the dignity of the
person and fails to recognize the meaning of human sexuality. Civil authorities have the
duty to protect minors especially from fornication. (YOUCAT)

What are the essential elements of Christian marriage?
1) Unity: Marriage is a covenant that by its very nature brings about bodily,
intellectual, and spiritual union between a man and a woman;
2) Indissolubility: Marriage lasts until death do us part;
3) Openness to offspring: Every marriage must be open to children;
4) Commitment to the spouses welfare. [2360-2397, 2398]
If one of the two spouses deliberately excludes one of the four points listed above at
the time of their wedding, the SACRAMENT OF MATRIMONY does not take place. 64,
400
Today, the need to avoid confusing marriage with other types of unions based on
weak love is especially urgent. It is only the rock of total, irrevocable love between a
man and a woman that can serve as the foundation of which to build a society that will
become a home for all mankind. Pope Benedict XVI, May 11, 2006

What significance does the sexual encounter have within the marriage?
According to Gods will, husband and wife should encounter each other in bodily
union so as to be union so s to be united ever more deeply in bodily union so s to be
united ever more deeply with one another in love and to allow children to proceed from
their love. [2362-2367
In Christianity, the body, pleasure, and erotic joy enjoy a high status:
Christianity believes that matter is good, that God himself once took on a human
body, that some kind of body is going to be given to us even in Heaven and is going to
be an essential part of our happiness, our beauty and our energy. Christianity has
glorified marriage more than any other RELIGION: and nearly all the greatest love
poetry in the world has been produced by Christians. If anyone says that sex, in itself, is
bad, Christianity contradicts him at once (C.S. Lewis). Pleasure, of course, is not an
end itself. When the pleasure of a couple becomes self-closed and is not open to the
new life that could result from it, it no longer corresponds to the nature of love.

WHAT IS LOVE?
Love is the free self-giving of the heart. [2346]
Love is seen as the first and greatest commandment: to love God above all. It is
our central task as Christians to give love to the primary source of love. Secondly,
Jesus, challenge by the Pharisees, declared that we are to love our neighbors and even
our enemies as much as we love ourselves.
Love is also a decision, and not just a feeling. Fundamentally, love means, to
think and will and do the good of another. It is the commitment, care and concern for the
other. As an active power in man, it is dynamic and a changing thing. It is primarily
giving and not receiving.
To have a heart full of love means to be so pleased with something that one
emerges from oneself and devotes oneself to it. A musician can devote himself to a
masterpiece. A kindergarten teacher can be there wholeheartedly for her charges. In
every friendship there is love. The most beautiful form of love on earth however, I the
love between man and woman, in which two people give themselves to each other
forever. All human love is at home. Love is the inmost being of the Triune God. In God
there is continual exchange and perpetual self-giving. Through the overflowing of divine
love, we participate in the eternal love of God. The more a person loves, the more he
resembles God. Love should influence the whole life of a person, but it is realized with
particular depth and symbolism when man and woman love another in marriage and
become one flesh (Gen 2:24). 309

Two Kinds of Love
1. Sensible Love is physical attraction leading to desire to satisfy ones biological
needs, just like the animals.
2. Rational Love is rooted in mans spirituality and openness to being, a personal
response to the true nature and love worth of the other.

Elements of Love
Common to all forms of love are four basic elements which clearly show the
active characteristics of love. (Fromn, 1989)
Care, which is shown by the active concern for the life and the growth of the one
we love. Responsibility, which means the ability to respond to his/her needs, expressed
or unexpressed. Respect, which denotes the ability to see a person as he is; to be
aware of his unique individuality. Knowledge, which is the active in-depth
consciousness of another persons real image, leading to genuine communion.

Mature Love
Genuine love is the love that endures. It is love that is tested over and over again
as time goes by. It is love that is able to overcome crises, difficulties, disappointments
and serious problems. For a marriage to work, this is the love that is required. We call
this mature love.

Qualities of Mature Love
Mature love is altruistic. This means that lovers give affection, time and energy to
the beloved without considering what will be received in return. Mature love is freeing.
This means that one is allowed to be as he is, for better and for worse, so that one can
be a better person. Mature love is honest. This allows lovers to know each other very
well, so that it is love for the person that matters, and not simply his or her image.
Mature love is happy, sad and neutral. It means that sometimes it is fun, at other times,
tender, or marred by hurt or anger. At times, the emotional climate is neutral. But
mature love is mostly happy. Mature love is empathetic. It means feeling with another
and not sympathy which is feeling for poor you. Mature love is strengthening. In
mature love, both people are growing together.

HOW IS SEXUALITY RELATED TO LOVE?
Sexuality must not be separated from love; they must go together. The sexual
encounter requires the framework of a true, dependable love. [2337]

Sexuality, by means of which man and woman give themselves to one
another through the acts which are proper and exclusive to spouses, is by
no means something purely biological, but concerns the innermost being
of the human person as such. It is realized in a truly human way only if it is
an integral part of the love by which a man and a woman commit
themselves totally to one another until death. The total physical self-giving
would be a lie if it were not the sign and fruit of a total personal self-giving.
St. Pope John Paul II, Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio

When sexuality is separated from love and is sought only for the sake of
satisfaction, one destroys the meaning of the sexual union of man and woman. Sexual
union is the most beautiful bodily, sensual expression of love. People who look for sex
without love are lying, because the closeness of their bodies does not correspond to the
closeness of their hearts. Someone who does not take his own body language at its
world does lasting damage to body and soul. Sex then becomes inhuman; it is
degraded to a means of obtaining pleasure and degenerates into a commodity. Only
committed, enduring love in marriage creates a space for sexuality that is experienced
in a human way and brings lasting happiness.

Everything that makes a sexual encounter easy hastens at the same time its
plunge into irrelevance. Paul Ricoeur French Philospher

LOVE OF FRIENDSHIP
True friendship is one of the greatest treasures that exist in this world; and one
necessary requisite of marriage is genuine friendship between husband and wife.
Marriage cannot last unless the parties are genuine friends.
Genuine or true friendship is something that does not happen overnight. It is
developed through an ongoing process that is tested through time and events in the life
of husband and wife. Like love, friendship between husband and wife must be nurtured
for it grow and endure.

Different Ways of Looking Friendship
Abbot J. Nimeth, O.F.M., in his book I Like You Just Because, writes that a true
friend brings joy into life, and pours back into the soul his self-respect. A friend inspires,
encourages, gives room to grow and helps to think more graciously. A friend gives
warmth, understanding, trust, and love. It is the privilege of being yourself and still being
accepted. Finally, he describes friendship as a means to appreciate the other person,
recognizing his gifts and talents and encouraging him to use his talents in every
possible way.
According to Aristotle, a friend is a singles soul dwelling in two bodies. He
stresses the values of virtue and permanence regarding friendship. This means that the
permanence and stability in friendship are only possible and sure when two people are
friends by virtue of the good in one another.
St. Tomas, the Angelic Doctor, who studies friendship in the context of mans
relationship with God generally spoke of it as a kind of love. He sees love of friendship
as highest form of love and places it in opposition to the love of concupiscence.

Qualities of True Friendship
True friendship possesses three essential qualities. First, the friendship must
morally be helpful to both parties. This means that the friendship should draw the
parties closer to a life of virtues and closer to God as time goes by. They help each
other to become better person. Second, there must be a genuine basis of agreement
between the two parties. This means that there must be a harmonious relationship
between the parties. The agreement does not mean that one party should say yes
when in reality this person means no. In such a situation one could stand up for ones
conviction or principle and still remain a friend. And last, the friendship must be
characterized by a spirit of self-sacrifice. This means that friendship is tested through
the amount of sacrifice one can offer for the sake of the friend. Let us remember, Jesus
said that, Greater love than this no man hath that he lay down his life for his friend.

Other Qualities of True Friendship
Ability to Listen. This means having available to listen not only to what the
friend is saying but also to what he is trying to say. A friend is for sharing, that is,
sharing thoughts, feelings, fears, and complaints, because a true friend knows how to
listen.
Trustworthiness is in every genuine friendship, for we have right to expect and
an obligation to give loyalty. This means that no matter what secrets once entrusts to
another, they cannot be violated. Because of deep self-disclosure in a friendship it is
imperative that friends remain loyal.
Reverence means a friend is not an object to be possessed but a subject to be
cherished. Friends are not things to be labeled or catalogued, but are to be loved and
respected.
Receptiveness means being open to others. We have to let down the bridge and
open the gate. Soon we will discover that our friends will receive and treat us gently.

Friendship in the Bible
Friendship, a concrete and valued experience, is not absent from the inspired
words of God. We read Exodus 33:11, Thus the Lord used to speak to Moses face to
face, as a man speaks to his friend. Regarding persons of influence in the life of an
individual, Deuteronomy 13:6 remarks that it is your friend who is your own soul.
The psalmist declares, The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him and He
makes known to Him His covenant. (Ps 25:14). In the Gospel of John, Jesus tells His
disciples, You are my friends if you do what I command you (Jn 15:14). No longer do I
call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have
called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father, I have made known to you
(Jn 15:15)

Friendship in Marriage
The permanent bond between husband and wife can remain strong and stable
only if they continue to grow and mature in their friendship. How is this possible? The
following explains friendship in Marriage (Greely, 1968).
Friendship is trust; it is the conviction that you can let yourself be important to
others, in turn we allow them to make demands upon us. When this happens we are
confident that the other person will not take advantage of us or exploit us. One is sure
that one is giving himself to a friend who will not betray his trust.

Friendship evolves slowly. It cannot be created instantaneously. It requires
delicacy, tact, prudence, urbanity and diplomacy. Competency in the marriage union is
not an attribute born into man; on the contrary, the process evolves slowly, at least if the
couple is patient and open and permit this joint evolution to occur.
Friendship is patient. It is based on developing commonality and
complementarity, growing out of common interests, values and commitments and
mutually reinforcing contribution to the emerging pattern o friendship.
Friendship is not competitive. There is no need in the friendship for one to
surpass the other or to be afraid of being surpassed by the other. On the contrary,
friendship rejoices over the others success and accomplishments because this bond
takes nothing from us, but will merely deepen and enrich our union with one another.
Friendship is open-ended; that is to say, it is never perfect, never fulfilled never
incapable of more growth, never offers us reason to relax efforts; on the contrary,
friendship is the basic means of human growth.
Friendship is outgoing. Because it enriches us and develops the hidden
dimensions of our person; because it enables us to be that which we would really like to
be it enables us to give more to the other. Since the other believes in us and what we
wish to be, we are able to become what we want to be. We have quite literally more to
give to the other and together we have much more to give to the world. Love, after all, is
not two people looking at each other but two people together looking in the same
direction.
Finally, friendship is playful because is one of mans primary obligations, and
the ones we are most at ease with in our play are, of course, our friends. Play brings us
out of ourselves, enable us to relax, to let our hair down and have fun. In playful
activities, we put aside our barriers, lower our defenses, cast away our inhibitions, and
we are able to do this and enjoy most completely when we know we can trust those with
whom we are playing.

HUMAN LOVE IN ITS FULLNESS

The Love between Husband and Wife
Human love in its fullness is found in conjugal love the love between husband
and wife. This love requires total commitment. If the sacramental grace of matrimony
should work in daily life, the role of all or nothing is required. This means, above all,
giving unconditional love by both partners to each other. Fidelity, understanding,
kindness, compassion, respect and support must be given in its fullness; otherwise,
marriage and family life will not endure the test of time. This sacramental grace serves
as a reminder of the total commitment of Christ to His spouse, the Church.
Conjugal love, if it is to grow, requires the common life which means, sharing
bed, board and lodging. Furthermore, this common life demands selfless love
especially in terms of sharing everything: hopes, joys, disappointments, challenges,
crises, and concerns of each day.
This is not an easy thing to do. It is the result of a long and difficult process
wherein both should continuously concretize their love through a constant giving of the
best of themselves to each other and through constant victories over inordinate self-
love. However, they should not forget that trials and sufferings are means of
sanctification.

Sex in Marriage
What significance does the sexual encounter have within marriage?
According to Gods will, husband and wife should encounter each other in bodily
union so as to be united ever more deeply with one another in love and to allow children
to proceed from their love. [2362-2367]
In Christianity, the body, pleasure, and erotic joy enjoy a high status: Christianity
believes that matter is good, that God himself once took on a human body, that some
kind of body is going to be given to us even in Heaven and is going to be an essential
part of our happiness, our beauty and our energy. Christianity has glorified marriage
more than any other RELIGION: and nearly all the greatest love poetry in the world has
been produced by Christians. If anyone says that sex, in itself, is bad, Christianity
contradicts him at once (C.S. Lewis). Pleasure, of course, is not an end itself. When the
pleasure of a couple becomes self-enclosed and is not open to the new life that could
result from it, it no longer corresponds to the nature of love.
The sexual act, also known as the conjugal act between married persons, is not
only a sacred act as ordained by God for procreation but also a celebration of love a
most intimate and unique way of expressing their love for each other. This act is a
blessed reward and encouragement for the sacrifices a couple makes in loving each
other for the better or for worse till death do us part.
The conjugal bond that joins husband and wife in marriage is not for mere
cohabitation. To equate the conjugal bond with mere cohabitation is against the virtue of
justice and destroys one esteemed value found in society: the value of marriage. Young
people of today are given the wrong signal and have the tendency to embrace a
radically distorted notion of freedom. Examples of this kind of distortion are the
increasing evidence of just living together without the benefit of marriage and the
growing number of separations and divorce when the honeymoon is over.
The truth is that marriage is ordained by God for procreation and education of
new life in order that the human race might increase and fill the earth in keeping with
His divine command. Thus the fundamental task of the family is to save life, to actualize
in history the original blessing of the Creator that of transmitting by procreation the
divine image from person to person (Gen 5:1-3).
It is good to recall here the teachings of St. Pope John Paul II in marriage and
sexuality. He states that in marriage, sex is not something purely biological. Sex in
marriage pertains to the innermost being of the human person and it can be realized in
a truly human ways only if it is an integral part of the love by which man and woman
commit themselves totally to one another. Therein lies the connection between the two
meanings of the conjugal act: the unitive and creative meanings which are written in the
beings of man and woman and in the dynamism of their sexual communion. What St.
Pope John Paul II declares is that by safeguarding both these essential aspects the
unitive and procreative the conjugal act preserves in its fullness the sense of true
mutual love and its ordination towards mans calling to parenthood. Sex in marriage,
therefore, signifies not only love but also potential fecundity or fruitfulness.

WHAT TO EXPECT IN A PROSPECTIVE LIFETIME PARTNER
Incidental Factors
The single most important choice an individual makes in his lifetime is the
selection of a marriage partner. Certain factors come into play in the choice of ones
prospective spouse. Firstly, we have geographical and residential propinquity. The term
propinquity means closeness or nearness. This is a tendency to choose someone
who lives close by (boy / girl next door). Second is homogamy. This term has been most
frequently used to apply to social and cultural likes, that is to say, persons belonging to
the same race, nationality, region or social class. A third factor is sharing of similar
cultural values