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Sister Friends by Francie Taylor

God has a purpose for our friendships and He often uses them as a gardener uses tools. Some friends
are spades, helping to cultivate the soil of our lives so that we develop into good ground rather than
rocky and barren. Others are like hoes, helping us weed out problem areas. Still others are like watering
cans, blessing us simply by encouraging and refreshing our souls.

1828 Websters Dictionary
True Friendship: a noble and virtuous attachment, springing from a pure source, a respect for
worth or amiable qualities
False Friendship: a temporary attachment springing from interest, and may change in a moment
to enmity and rancor

A virtuous sister who is a faithful friend is a sister-friend.
True friends, like diamonds, are precious and rare.

I. Iron Sharpens Iron
Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. Proverbs 27:17
A woman who understands her vital place in Gods plan will diligently work to cultivate a walk with
God that radiates His presence and power in her life.
God intended friendship to be used as a tool of improvement in our lives.
We cannot be the best type of friend if we are not spending time in the Word of God.

A. Be a daily student of the Word of God.
A spiritually sharp friend is a positive influence.
The less time you spend in Gods Word, the less strength youll have as a Christian.

B. Apply yourself to developing a prayer life.
Open thou mine eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of thy law. Psalm 119:18

C. Keep your opinions to a minimum, but maximize the principles of Scripture.
When discussing important matters, stick to the Bible, and youll provide direction rather
thanconfusion.

D. Dont be a spectator when a friend is headed for a cliff!

E. Be an honest friend, but remember C.
He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and sham unto him. Proverbs 18:13
If you are sharp, stay under the hand of the Master Sharpener, allowing him to keep you that way. The
best friends are spiritually sharp friends.

II. A Friend Through Trials
A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Proverbs 17:17
We cannot control the time of a trial in our lives. Like dark chocolate, with the bitter comes the sweet,
and sometimes sadness and joy happen in the same day.
Dont cross the line from helping a friend through a trial to managing the trial.We are not meant to be
replacement for the presence of God.
When in a trial, you may be down but you are not out!
A. Helping must be balanced with a good measure of reality.
Shift your focus off of yourself and onto Christ and even onto others.
B. A short visit with a person going through a tough time is better than a long one.
When the going gets tough for your friends, any form of assistance counts!
1. Make a brief encouraging phone call.
2. Stop by to pray.
3. Deliver a meal.

C. Be an enormous blessing by sending a card reminding your friend that you are on your knees
praying for her.
Knowing that someone is lifting you name before the throne of God is precious and meaningful. To
know that you are on someones prayer list banishes the negative thoughts the Enemy has us believing
and reminds us we have not been forgotten by God or anyone else.

D. Remember
1. There are other times of trial.
a. Recovery from a medical event
b. Terminal illness
c. Sudden death
2. Quality vs. Quantity
There will be trials and adversity which we must go through by ourselves This is good for us because
it makes us more dependent on the Lord than on our friends.

When making loaves of pumpkin bread, it is best to use measuring spoons for the spices. There are
several spices that can be overdone, causing the bread to take on a harsh, overpowering taste rather than
a pleasant, mellow flavor.
Spending too much time with friends can be like too much nutmeg in pumpkin bread a bit
overpowering and not as enjoyable.
Neglecting friendships can be like a loaf without spices sweet but otherwise bland.

Friendship is worth the investment of time!

3. When something is wrong
At times a friend will pull away from you.
Keep in mind that a friend has personal matters she simply cannot share with you, and she needs to
process them on her own. Other times, a friend wont specify what we have done wrong, leaving us in the
dark. In this case, search your heart.
Being sensitive to the feelings of our friends is essential; without sensitivity and care, people are often
unnecessarily hurt.
There are times when things never get resolved; accept it, leave the matter with the Lord and move on.

4. Learning to rejoice with and for others
A friend loveth at all times. We also need to show our love by sharing in the joys in our friends
lives.

A friend loveth at all times Love your friends fully no matter what happens.

III. A Friend of Integrity
The integrity of the upright shall guide them: but the perverseness of transgressors shall destroy
them. Proverbs 11:3
Do not take counsel from people who tell you to do the opposite of what the Word of God says.
Good friends dont lead their friends astray.
How can you tell if you have a friend with godly character? The test is a simple one: People of godly
character will not give you counsel that is contrary to Scripture. Now, we have to allow for the fact that
sometimes a friend may give incorrect instructions due to error or a lack of knowledge.
The Bible gives an example of a person who took unwise counsel. This was Kind Davids son, Amnon. In
II Samuel 13, the story is told of a young man who was counseled by his friend Jonadab (II Sam. 13:3).
His friends counsel led him to sin.
You cannot expect to draw good guidance from the well of a person whose heart is full of wickedness.

A. Look at the lifestyle of the counselor
You may get your ears tickled with what you want to hear rather than what you need to hear.

B. Take a very hard look at the counsel being given.
Is it Biblical?

C. Godly peers of your own age group may be excellent counselors, but there is wisdom in
asking someone who is farther along in life than you.

Integrity is vital to a friendship!

Be careful the environment you choose, for it will shape you; be careful the friends you choose, for you
will become like them. - W. Clement Stone

IV. Gracious Friendship
A gracious woman retaineth honour: and strong men retain riches. Proverbs 11:16
Often times, negative remarks come from women who are insecure in their own lives and are looking
around for someone else to pick apart and criticize. The habit of tearing others down gives a false sense
of superiority.

A. A gracious woman is kind.
1. Be friendly
2. Be understanding

B. A gracious woman is considerate.
1. Consider the feelings of others before you speak.
2. Give thought to how your words or actions might be perceived.

C. A gracious woman is pleasant.
1. Work at ruling your spirit. (Prov. 16:32 and 25:28)
2. Control your temper

D. A gracious woman is valuable.
1. Remember that others will benefit from you.
2. Remember that life is not all about you, but about others.

Little powder, little paint: make a woman what she aint. We can paint on a face that isnt our wake-up
face, but we cant paint on gracious Christian womanhood!
- The desirable qualities of a gracious woman develop by spending time in the Word.
When you are tempted to put off reading your Bible day after day, you are depriving yourself of
knowledge of how to live.
- Without prayer, we cant ask help for the need to walk in a way which would best glorify God.
- A gracious woman is polished by hearing the preaching of Gods Word. We graduate from
hearer to doer by soaking up the preaching of the Word and then applying it to our daily
living.

V. The Power of Influence
He that walketh with wise men shall be wise; but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.
Proverbs 13:20

The Encarta Dictionary defines clique as: A close group of friends or coworkers with similar
interests and goals, whom outsiders regard as excluding them.

Whether positive or negative groups have a built-in peer pressure that can be either beneficial or
detrimental, requiring the obligation to be like-minded.

Peer pressure continues throughout life.

The type of people to whom we are attracted tends to be an indicator of the type or person we are and
where we are spiritually.

A. Do you attract people who cant wait to tell you the latest gossip?
- This could be an indicator that you may have problems with your own tongue.

B. Do critics consider you to be good company?
- Then perhaps you have the critic-attractive tendency to murmur or complain.

C. Are you hard with others?
- If so, you will likely have sandpaper-type friends who think being harsh is a normal way to
handle people.

I am a companion of all them that fear thee, and of them that keep thy precepts. Ps. 119:63

D. Find understanding in the right places.

We are patterns for our friends. What kind of pattern are you?

Who are your friends and how do they influence your thinking? Companions are more than mere
acquaintances; over time, a bit of their personalities naturally rubs off on us.

Influence, including peer pressure, exists all throughout life.

Be courteous to all, but intimate with few. George Washington

VI. Beautifully Balanced
He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding; but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly.
Proverbs 14:29
He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that
taketh a city. Proverbs 16:32
He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.
Proverbs 25:28

Even though we dont always feel sweet and cheerful every day, the Lord has still given us the ability
to rule over our own spirits.

If thou faint in the day of adversity, thy strength is small. Proverbs 24:10

A. Anger Management
Forgive and move on.
Real anger management comes when we are willing to communicate well, at the proper time and in
the proper spirit.

B. Tip her over and watch the tears pour out
Tears can be referred to as Gods washing machine.
We can be tender and still be tough, but we wont be tough enough if were too tender!

C. Is this a good day?
It is a matter of perspective to have a good day during the course of what many would call a bad
day.
It could be worse is always a great reminder.

It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes. Psalm 119:71

The time of trial may actually accomplish good things for us.

Learning to rule over our spirits is a mental and emotional form of exercise. The more we work at it, the
stronger our emotional muscles become.
Be willing to apply yourself to developing the spiritual muscle that leads to spirit-filled control.

Tale-bearing emits a threefold poison; in injures the teller, the hearer and the person concerning whom
the tale is told. - Charles H. Spurgeon


VII. Living Joyfully
A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.
Proverbs 15:13
All the days of the afflicted are evil: but he that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast.
Proverbs 15:15
A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones. Proverbs 17:22

A. The benefits of having a merry heart
1. The merry heart makes a cheerful countenance. (Prov. 15:13)
2. The merry heart provides a continual feast. (Prov. 15:15)
3. The merry heart does us much good like a medicine. (Prov. 17:22)

It rests on the merry-hearted friend to help lift up the spirits of the discouraged friend.

B. What are some ways we can be helpful?
1. Dont dwell on the negative by spending a great deal discussing it.
2. Help a friend put things in proper perspective.
- We sometimes need reminders that good things come from our Heavenly Father, but if He decides
we need a trial, we need to be willing to accept it.
3. Spread joy cautiously.

C. Considerations when stuck in the mud of gloominess
1. Check your heart.
a. Any unconfessed sin?
b. Unforgiving spirit?
2. Check your health.
3. Pray for direction.

Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts. Psalm 139:23


VIII. Tongue Control
In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin; but he that refraineth his lips is wise.
Proverbs 10:19
A forward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends. Proverbs 18:28
He that hath knowledge spareth his words: and a man of understanding is of an excellent
spirit. Proverbs 17:27

The tongue is described as an unruly evil, full of deadly poison (Jas. 3:8).

Practicing temperance in one area generally leads to increased discipline overall.

A. Talking too much (Prov. 10:19)
The more you talk, the more likely you are to talk yourself into trouble.

B. Being a whisperer (Prov 18:28)

C. The wisdom of word control
Be more economical with your words; use them like dollars from a bank account.


IX. Forgiving and Forgetting for Good
The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.
Proverbs 19:11

P.O. A. T. is an acronym for Pass Over a Transgression.
The process of revisiting offenses fertilizes the ground of our hearts for seeds of bitterness to sprout.
If we made up our minds in advance that we will never hold a grudge against anyone, we will be on safe
ground when we are wronged by others.

God has warned us against being unforgiving in Matthew 6:15: But if ye forgive not men their
trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Its simple. Forgive or you wont be
forgiven.

He who does not forgive others burns before him the bridge to Gods forgiveness. W. B. Knight


X. Privacy, Please
He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very
friends. Proverbs 17:9

It takes character to keep confidential matters private.
There are many areas which should be off-limits within the realm of friendship. Here are some things
that should be kept private:

A. Things that someone else did to hurt you.
Unless they are going to be part of the solution to the problem, do not tell it.

B. Detailed information about problems with your children.
We have to be very careful to protect the privacy and testimony of our children.

C. Marital problems.
Unless the matter is not too personal, this is an area that should be reserved for counseling.

D. Confidential matters.
If someone has trusted you with private information, you are duty-bound to keep it confidential.

News travels fast these days, especially with the use of electronic tools. Remember that it is not the
technology that sins; its the user.
The Internet doesnt gossip; users do when they spread information that was meant to be kept private.

If you have to say anything about anyone else, put them in the best possible light. Good news is worth
repeating! Our assignment is to engage in that which increases love and the unity of the Spirit in the
bond of peace (Eph. 4:3).


XI. Friends With the Authorities
He that loveth pureness of heart, for the grace of his lips the king shall be his friend. Proverbs
22:11

People in authority need friends Those in positions of leadership are finding it lonelier than ever.
People have so little discretion, as evidenced by their readiness to repeat confidential matters.
People whose lives show genuine evidence of fearing the Lord tend to be food and safe to have as
friends.

A. How can you be a good friend to someone in authority?
1. Let God do the leading rather than pursuing the friendship yourself.
2. Be friendly and beneficial by helping wherever and whenever you can, without being
pushy.
3. Be supportive.
4. Pray for your leaders.

If you are brought into the inner circle of people at the top, consider it a place of ministry and treat it
as unto the Lord.


B. Beware of Familiarity
1. Honor your authorities with appropriate respect.
2. Avoid discussing personal matters by only talking about what relates to your business or
ministry purpose.
- It is hazardous for a woman to become too close to a man in authority Intimacy is first formed
verbally, and is later consummated physically.
3. Be aware that almost all of your conversations with them are confidential.

- Never be among those who want to tear down leadership.


XII. Telling the Truth
Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. Proverbs 27:6

- Are you the kind of friend that sees something wrong, but looks the other way?
- When it some to hazardous behavior, the silence of a friend does more harm than good.
- When we are mute on a subject, it may be misinterpreted for either agreement or indifference.
Once a person takes the first step down a wrong path, the absence of input from godly friends
may be misinterpreted as approval.

A. Schedule time to talk privately.
B. Prayer is essential in approaching your friend.
C. Prepare a list of Scripture verses to apply to the situation.
- They should emphasize the hazards ahead if your friend continues on this collision course.
- You are not responsible for what your friend does with the truth; you are just the delivery girl.
- Remember that unsolicited advice is often unappreciated and rarely heeded.
D. Start the meeting with prayer.
E. Watch your friends expressions to discern whether she is in the receiver mode or not.
1. If her countenance darkens and a smile becomes a frown, pause and allow your
friend to tell you what shes thinking.
2. If your friend has a cosmic explosionmove directly to Scripture, but limit yourself
to a few verses, based on her reception.
F. Cover as much ground as time and receptiveness will permit.
G. Schedule a follow up visit.

- To be good and godly friends, we need to be honest and truthful We need to be prepared to
give the shot from Scripture, delivering it with love and genuine compassion.

XIII. Tending Your Friendship Garden
Thin own friend, and thy fathers friend, forsake not; neither go into thy brothers house in the
day of thy calamity: for better is a neighbor that is near than a brother far off. Proverbs 27:10

- Every date with a friend is a precious treasure.

Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbours house; lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee.
Proverbs 25:17
- If you are not able to spend a lot of time together, it may actually be better than too much time
together.
- Friendship requires some tending, just like a garden.

A. Have a Coffee Date
- There is so much that can be discussed over a cup of coffee.
- Regardless of how busy you are, there is still an importance to scheduling dates with friends.
B. Have Phone Conversations
- One of the best days to [touch base and show that you care] is when you are down.
- When we take our minds off ourselves and think of others, it raises our own spirits. You can
never seek to be a blessing to someone else without having some of that blessing back-splash onto
you!
- Keep these conversations positive The goal is to be a blessing and show that you care.

C. Home Fellowships
- Hospitality is a great way to cultivate and broaden friendships.
- It is not necessary to miss out on fellowship because our home or menu is not up to par.
- Dont put off building friendships!

D. Restaurant Dates
- Schedule double dates or group dates.
- Have a law. Nothing gets discussed during a meal that may interfere with digestion!

E. Shopping Dates
- Since getting together with friends is often tough to do, try combining it with a compatible
project such as shopping with a purpose.

F. Soul Winning
- Going out on a soul-winning visit with a sister is a bond-forming blessing [It] gives you a
very precious bond as you cherish the reassured memories of seeing souls won to Christ.

G. Craft and Cookie Exchanges
- Have a time of devotions, games, and food!
- You can catch up with old friends and make new friends.

- How does your friendship garden grow? It grows by tending. Dont neglect your friendships.
They are too precious and far too rare.

XIV. Christ as Our Friendship Pattern
A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer
than a brother. Proverbs 18:24
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13

- Jesus Christ is the Ultimate Friend, the Model Friend. He loved us so much that He sacrificed
His very life for us. What a sacrifice, and what a Friend!
When our friendships are patterned after this form found in Scripture, we find that our
friendships have true value and deep meaning. When was the last time you slowed you life down
enough to spend time learning at the feet of the Master?
We become better friends as we spend time with the Creator of friendship. There is no substitute
for time spent with Christ and His Word.
Go and spend some time with the dearest and truest Friend you will ever have in life. In order
to be a great friend, we must each have Christ as our example. No other pattern will do.
May God bless you as you purpose to be a Christ-like sister-friend.

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