PSYC334 9/3/2013 12:34:00 PM

The Psychology of Interpersonal Relationships

Syllabus:

9/5/13
What does it mean to have a relationship with someone? Can it be one-way? Do you have to
have met them in real life? Can you have a relationship with all animals?

The importance of relationships to maintain peoples sanity

What is a relationship?
Interaction
o Not enough just to interact multiple times
o On exam What is a relationship? I dont know.

Our focus will be on Intimate Relationships (not casual).
On average, one has 8-12 close relationships; those people/animals provide something other
people cant. The need to belong is the drive to create intimate relationships.

The Need to Belong: a powerful drive to establish intimate connections to others.
o How is it a need?
If you dont have it, you dont ____. People who dont have close
relationships suffer psychological and physical health declines.
Drive to affiliation wanting to be in large groups is not a need to belong; a
need to belong applies to intimate relationships a small group of people.
Wilson from Castaway is fulfilling Tom Hanks need to belong.

Surrogate belonging seeking belonging from something that is a non-human
o Relationship with God
o Video games
o Places
o Food
o Becomes a problem when people allow surrogate belongings to take the place of
interpersonal relationships.

The Six Components of Intimacy (neither necessary, nor sufficient)
1. Knowledge: you know things about that person
a. You might be close to but not know a lot about your roommate, your therapist,
extended family
2. Caring (emotional)
a. You might care about someone, but not like them (i.e. a family member)
3. Interdependence: intimate partners have a strong, diverse, and enduring influence on each
other
a. You rely on each other, provide each others needs, exchange benefits
4. Mutuality: intimate partners think of themselves as a couple instead of two entirely separate
individuals
a. The Inclusion of Other in the Self Scale which set of circles describe your
relationship?
5. Trust
6. Commitment

The Building Blocks of Relationships
Culture
o Religion
o Your relationship with people of your culture is different than those of a different
culture
o Perceived norms of a culture
1. Region in the US, how you interact with people depends on where you grew up (i.e.
how Pedro asked a girl to prom with a cake)
2. Groups
3. Time when you grew up
Why have our cultural norms changed?
The Sex Ratio is lower:
Sex Ratio = number of men/number of women
When there are a relatively equal number of women to men, the norms
change. Sexual attitudes are more permissive the more women there are to
men.
The Influence of Experience
Your past relationships are probably going to affect your current relationship
Infants interactions with their caregivers shape their attachment styles, their learned
orientations towards relationship with others.
o If as an infant cannot rely on his/her primary caregiver (mother), that affects
your attachment style (secure vs. insecure attachment); less likely to believe
that people will be there for you.
o Your earliest relationship can predict your future relationships
Individual Differences
o Gender Differences
Sex differences refer to biological and physical distinctions between men and
women your DNA and your genitalia
Gender differences refer to the differences that result from teaching, training,
and, and upbringing (NOT sexual preferences)
Cultural expectations, i.e. the color blue vs. pink; nurture vs.
aggression
Sex and gender are highly correlated (in the US) and so you can predict
gender based on sex
o Gender Roles
Feminine traits do not necessarily apply to females
A note on terminology:
Masculine traits are instrumental traits (i.e. aggression, competitiveness)
Feminine traits are expressive traits (i.e. nurturing)
Androgyny in relationships is beneficial
o The Big Five Personality Traits
Neuroticism anxious versus angry bad for relationships
o Self-Esteem
Sociometer theory your self-esteem is a measure of the quality of your
relationships; based on The Need to Belong
The Influence of Human Nature
o Evolutionary Psychology
Interaction
o Hard to come up with all the variables of a relationship
o Just the fact that you interact creates a unique set of circumstances
o Even knowing the qualities of each person, theres no certain way to know how the
two will interact

9/10/13
Evolutionary Psychology people do things in order to survive and to reproduce/keep their
genes alive
Keep your genes alive different for males and females
o Women more limited in keeping genes alive b/c they have 9 month pregnancy and
then caring for offspring
Parental Investment carrying the child and mostly caring for child so
looking for a mate that will invest in parenthood
Financial stability
Status
Resources
Physical attractiveness/health
o Men can spread genes by impregnating multiple women
Paternity Un(certainty) needs to know whos his child
Loyalty want to make sure its his genes that are being passed on

Research Methods
Measuring Concepts
Love exists, but you cant rip it out of your body and measure it on a scale. This is the
problem with variables in psychology in general. Cant be measured directly.

Diagrams:
Circles = conceptual variables/construct (things that exist but are abstract) i.e. love
So how do we make it measurable/tangible?
Squares = operationalization (to make it real/concrete), for example:
Heart rate
Love scale
Time
Ratio positive/negative

Construct validity does the measure, measure what it claims to measure? (Does heart rate
really measure love?)
Something else could be affecting your heart rate i.e. caffeine

Reliability does it measure it well; is it consistent?
Is the measure consistent every time its evaluated?




There are diff. ways of measuring and manipulating (changing) a conceptual variable.
How manipulation is demonstrated in diagram:



Assignment:
Within subjects experiment
An experiment of yourself
Measure before and after study (pre-test & post-test)
With the circle/square structure
What is my goal? (Change conceptual variable)
Measure and manipulation cant be the same
Hypothesis doing this will cause this to happen (i.e. expression of affect will increase
closeness with my mother)
You can use published scales

Procedure:
1. Goal (operationalization)
2. Measure
3. Work on goal
4. Measure again (same measurement)

Correlational vs. Experimental Research
Correlational Research:
Distribution of one group compared to the distribution of another group (i.e. sex difference)
You measure more than one variable and you see if they go together (measure then measure)
*Cannot prove causation

Experimental Research:
Manipulate variable(s) and then measure (manipulate then measure)

Obtaining Participants
Convenience Sample: anyone who is readily available
Representative Sample: a group of people who resemble the entire population of interest
Much more important for correlational design

9/12/13
Balance theory
Get notes

Kurt Lewin Field theory
The behavior of people is always a function of the field of forces in which they find
themselves:
Individuals personal attributes
The social/external situation

B = (individual X situation)
Behavior is the function of the individual and the situation
Your individual attributes and the situation (something the person does) or an external situation

Attraction
People who have the same letter in their name are more likely to get married.

Mere exposure effect the more exposed we are to a stimulus, the more likely we are to like it.
Bob Zajonc the more you expose someone to something (flash an image), the more you
like it
Exceptions:
o Social allergy effect if you hate something initially, the more youre exposed to it,
the more youre going to hate it
Mere exposure affect only works on a neutral/positive attitude
o Avoiding marrying children you were raised with
You think of these people as your brothers/sisters; feels like incest

Similarity breeds attraction

Matching
People of the same attraction level end up together
Desirability = Physical Attractiveness X Probability of acceptance

How does the media affect your perceived attractiveness level?
Comparing yourself to a faked, Photoshop image
Contrast Effect

9/17/13
Basics of Attraction
Attraction to someone is based on ones desire to approach that person.
We are attracted to others whose presence is rewarding to us
Rewards influence attraction.
o Direct rewards
Status
o Indirect rewards
Excitation transfer feeling attracted to someone because of your physical
excitement (e.g. heart rate)
Proximity
o Liking those near us
o More interaction: paths cross, learn about similarities, feel liked by other person
o Propinquity effect b/c you have a lot interaction with people who are near you, you
are likely to create friendships and intimate relationships with them
o When others are nearby, its easy to enjoy whatever rewards they offer
o MIT Campus House Study people who lived close to each other were more likely to
become friends than they were with those whose rooms were further away

The Limits of Proximity
o Constant exposure can get boring
o Proximity can make long-distance relationships worse
o Increased proximity to people who are annoying may make things worse
o Proximity accentuates our (preexisting) feelings about others

Long-Distance Relationships
o Distance is costly
o Relationships can be less rewarding and satisfying
o Begin to only expose positive attributes to partner
When youre reunited, things usually arent as good
Online dating is another example of how your liking declines for someone
after meeting them in person

Culture Counts
o Attractiveness is affected by changing economic and cultural changes
E.g. renaissance paintings
o Norms can differ across ethnic groups
Hair, skin color, weight can differ across cultures; but weight to hip ratios stay
the same (0.7 for women, 0.9 for men)
o Human nature and environmental conditions work together to shape our collective
judgments of whom we perceive as attractive

Why do people think that opposites attract?
o Matching is a broad process
Seeking similar rankings overall in the relationship market place
People may trade one quality for another (e.g. money for looks)
o Misperceptions may persist for some time
Getting to know each other while dating, and only then figuring out what they
have in common
o We occasionally appreciate behavior that differs from our own but complements our
actions and helps us reach our goals

9/19/13
*Justins notes
Self Concept (2 motivations):
Self Enhancement people want to be liked/feel good about themselves
Self Verification people want to be right (about themselves)
o If you have a negative self-concept/low self-esteem, SE and SV are going to be in
conflict

Attribution (Some sources of error):
Schema of your intimate partners is tied into the schema of yourself
So if your partner does something bad, you will apply the self-serving bias to them.
o Self-serving bias: the tendency to attribute positive outcomes to internal causes and
negative outcomes to external causes.

Beyonce and Jay-Z:
Behavior Attribution Attributional Pattern
Good sing love song
Bad extradyadic sex

Internal (he loves her, he was
kind)
External (he was drunk)
Relationship Enhancing


Good sing love song
Bad extradyadic sex
External (trying to save face)
Internal (hes a jerk)
Distress Maintaining

Relationship Enhancing:
Good for the relationship keeps the relationship going

Distress Maintaining:
Bad for the relationship relationship will end

9/24/13
Goal Measurement Paper All APA
APA Style
In text citations
References Section
apastyle.org presentation: Basics of APA Style Tutorial
owl.english.purduee.edu

Presentation
Citing References in Text:
Author Date Citation System not direct quotation
Direct quote (Authors last name, date, page)

References Section:
In alphabetical order by the authors last name
Name of articles/title of chapter only first word capitalized
Name of journal all words capitalized and in italics

DOI digital object identifier unique to every single journal article
Included at end of reference
If no DOI on online article, use retrieved from (insert website here).

Group Paper
APA: In-Text citations, References (one direct-quote per person in group, preferably none)
o Dont have to have in-text citation on every single sentence of someone elses idea
within paragraph (unless unclear)
Sources: 11 + 1 (per each person in group)
o Anything else besides chapters in edited books and scholarly articles, permission is
needed from Dr. Curtis or Elisa
o Dont site textbook (use index)
Pages: 11 + 1

Goal Paper
Pretest:
APA: Title Page, Abstract, (Introduction no heading), Method (2-3 pages)
Sources: 1
Intro heres what I intend to do
Abstract give it all away; summary of the entire paper (write whole thing first and then go
back to abstract)
Method what/how am I measuring?
Results results of my measurements
Discussion what do the results mean?
References
First person is expected

9/26/13
Social Cognition (cont)
You want to keep your schemas balanced, so if someone is attractive and kind, youre going to
want him/her to be something else good as well

Schemas
Schemas come from schemas
o Stereotypes
When we create schemas, we wants them to be stable (balanced)
o Primacy effect the first impression you get have more affect than any subsequent
information; creates the schema
o We want those schemas to be balanced
o Confirmation bias looks for info that reinforces your first impression
You interpret the information you get to fit the primacy effect/first impression
you had
You dont want to know how much Osama Bin Laden loves puppies; and if he
really does, you interpret that to mean that he straps bombs to them

Love at first sight is possible
Series of beliefs people have about romantic relationships. Romanticism is a schema.


Positive illusions

Only one true love for me Destiny Belief

The Power of Perceptions
We are often overconfident in our perceptions
o Friends and parents are better judges of our romantic relationships
People in the relationships are worst judges of how long itll last
o Positive illusions
Are they good or bad?
Good. Associated with more trust, satisfaction, etc. later
Mutuality if your schemas are connected, you want them to
be/feel awesome
Self-fulfilling prophecy Can influence other person to
become more awesome
Positive illusions come naturally in good relationships
Warning sign: if you need to actively delude yourself
Why do we delude ourselves? Self-serving bias you want to think that you
chose the right mate.
Reconstructive memories photographic memories dont exist, some very few people have
really good memories, but theyre not literally photographs. So we literally reconstruct our
memories.
o We reconstruct things to fit our perceptions
o People will reconstruct memories based on our the relationship is going
E.g. newlyweds will tell
Divorce I should have seen it coming
Focus on good things when relationship is good and minimize bad things
when relationship is bad/ending/over
Relationship Beliefs
o Romanticism is the view that love should be the most important basis for choosing a
mate (Romanticism scale)
Our love will be nearly perfect.
There is only one true love for me.
True love will find a way to overcome any obstacle.
Love is possible at first sight.
Right on the verge of positive illusions if youre really romantic
o Other beliefs are dysfunctional and disadvantageous:
Disagreements are destructive.
Mindreading is essential.
Partners cannot change.
Sex should be perfect every time.
Men and women are fundamentally different.
Great relationships just happen
None of these things are true
These perceptions come from any relationships youre exposed to, e.g.
media
o Destiny beliefs assume that two people are either well suited for each other and
destined to live happily ever after, or theyre not.
Bad
o Growth beliefs assume that good relationships are a result of hard work.
Good
Analogy marriage is looking for your dream job they entail work but you
love and want to work; I want to be in this job for the rest of my life.
What does this have to do with schemas?
Destiny belief if your partner does something bad, youre
going to say that person is not my soul-mate
Schemas you hold will influence your relationship satisfaction
Main factor of divorce disillusion you have a false idea of
what marriage should be
Expectations
o We often get the reactions we expect from others. Self-fulfilling prophecies are false
predictions that come true because they lead people to believe in ways that make the
erroneous predictions come true.
o Study men and women talk to each other over the phone
Man see:
Attractive photo
Unattractive photo
Women see nothing
Observation: listen to women only rated on how warm, friendly, attractive
Attractive photo observed as being more attractive
Unattractive observed as being less attractive
The mans expectation about the woman changes her behavior
o People who are high in rejection sensitivity nervously expect rejection from others
and subsequently behave in ways that make it more likely that others really will reject
them.
They can be hard to be around often so concerned with being rejected that
interferes with interaction
Looking for instances of rejection and thus more likely to find
Self fulfilling prophecy if you expect to be rejected, your act will elicit a
behavior that sends subtle cues and actually then be rejected.
People want things to fit their self-schema
Self-perceptions
o Our self-concepts encompass all the beliefs and feelings we have about ourselves.
The self-enhancement motive leads us to seek feedback that makes us look
good (thing good things about yourself).
People who are high in rejection sensitivity still want to think good
things about themselves.
They want to be accepted
The self-verification motive leads s to seek feedback that supports and verifies
our existing self-concepts.
People high in rejection sensitivity also want to be consistently right
about themselves.
Not going to believe that people actually like them b/c they
want to be correct, and thus want to be rejected
There is an imbalance provokes anxiety
Strategies of Impression Management
o Ingratiation doing favors, paying compliments, and being friendly and charming to
elicit liking from others.
o Self-promotion recounting accomplishments or displaying skills to elicit respect
from others.
o Supplication appearing inept or inform to elicit help or nurturance from others.
Elicit responses but only when used sparingly
o Intimidation appearing threatening or dangerous to elicit fear an compliance from
others.
10/3/13
Communication
Verbal Communication
The Theory of Social Penetration
Utilizes both breath and depth

Gender Differences in Verbal Communication
Same-sex conversations and male-female conversations are different from one another.

Male-Female Conversations
In general, women speak less forcefully, using more hedges and questions, and less profanity,
than men do.
Hedges and questions
o State things as questions
o Tone of the voice goes up
Women are using more profanity than they used to, though men still swear more

Men also do most of the talking people think its more disrespectful for a woman to interrupt
a man than vice versa.
Dominance/status issue men demonstrate higher status behaviors
*This data is on new interactions not with established relationships
As the relationship develops, roles might change/switch

Instrumentality Versus Expressivity
Androgynous men tend to have intimate, disclosing interactions with both men and women, just
like women do.
Culturally-tied, i.e. in US not as accepted for men to talk about their feelings
Still, about half of all men are comparatively close-mouthed about their feelings. So:
If a man isnt complaining, women tend to think everythings okay
But if a woman isnt overtly affectionate, men tend to think somethings wrong
o Why? Women are expected to be more expressive, so if that pattern stops, something
must be wrong. Based on the expectations in communications that we have of our
partners

Dysfunctional Communication
Miscommunication
Two general principles in avoiding miscommunication:
Defensiveness
Negative Emotions

Miscommunication happens when we dont say what we mean
Unhappy partners do a poor job of saying what they mean.
Kitchen-sinking: addressing several topics at once.
o Why do people do this?
In a good relationship, you have weapons you know what hurts your partner
You want your partner to share your feelings balance theory
Defensiveness you dont respect something thats important to me,
Im going to hurt you.
Off-beam: wandering from topic to topic.
o The discussion wanders very quickly; you dont stay on topic
Cant remember what started the fight

Unhappy partners also do a poor job of hearing each other.
Mindreading: wrongly assuming that you understand your partner.
o E.g. you assume something your partner said means something else
Improperly decoding someones message
o Interrupt.
o Cross-complaining: responding to a partners complaint with one of your own.
We do this b/c we feel defensive
Will take you off-beam and start a fight

Unhappy partners also display negative affect (emotions) when they talk with each other:
Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Criticism attacks a partners personality or character;
o Just criticizing someone, not saying it in a mean way
o The decoder decides when theyve been criticized
o All relationships have this
Contempt in the form of mockery and insults occur;
o A relationship can occur without this
Defensiveness leads to excuses or counterattacks;
Stonewalling may follow when someone withdraw; and
o I.e. refusing to talk
o Disrespect to the other person
o Different than a time-out when someone says they need a break in order to collect
their thoughts
Belligerence (added) and aggressiveness can result

Based on the presence of these first 4 things, Gottman could predict with 90% accuracy if a
couple will divorce.
Naturally occurring actions that occur b/c of normal emotions, i.e. defensiveness protecting
your self-schema.

Saying What We Mean
Behavior description involves identifying as plainly as possible a specific behavior that
annoyed us.
o Make sure you know what the behavior is, and specifically point to it
o Otherwise the partner doesnt know what youre talking about
I-statements start with I and then describe a distinct, specific emotional reaction.
o You make me so angry. person feels attacks gets defensive
o I feel angry.
XYZ statements combine behavior descriptions with I-statements:
o When you do X in situation Y, I feel Z.
E.g. Last night at the party, when you called me a fat cow in front of
everyone, I felt humiliated
X and Y are objective
Z is subjective
You can argue why they shouldnt feel that way
o That way you know exactly what you are discussing

Exam 1 Themes
Chapter 1
Uncertainty about the definition of relationships
o Sub-Themes:
How different factors affect relationships (culture, individual differences, etc.)
Chapter 2 (Methods)
Conceptual variables
o How theyre being operationalized
Measurement vs. manipulations
May be asked to draw a circle/square diagram

Chapter 3 (Attraction)
Field theory
o B = (individual differences X situation)

Chapter 4 (Social Cognition)
Attributions in field theory
Perception/Expectations
o Schemas

Chapter 5 (communication)
Status
o Reciprocity
Miscommunication

Hint: focus on the stuff in lecture thats also in the book, and stuff in the lecture thats not in the
book.
Reading only if its interesting
Chapter outline study guide

Reading 9/3/2013 12:34:00 PM
Ch. 1
Is the sex ratio the number of men or women, or the number of men for every 100 women?

Ch. 2
Define: delimited (p. 46)
Is a retrospective design the same as ex post facto design? (Quasi-experiment)

Vocab.:
Psychometrics the science of measuring mental capacities and processes.

Ch. 4
Not any relationship is possible with hard work. Some people are just incompatible, and no
matter how hard they try they cannot make the relationship work. A relationship should not take
so much work the positives should outweigh the negatives. One shouldnt have to work so hard.
Sometimes its just not meant to be.

P. 120 box Dr. Seltermans research??
Exam 1 9/3/2013 12:34:00 PM
Ch. 1:
Dont understand circle-square diagram


Group Paper 9/3/2013 12:34:00 PM
Bad boys
Romeo and Juliet effect
Reactance
Forbidden fruit
Why do we want what we cant have/is not good for us?
Does confidence play a big role in attraction? Difference between men and women

Only in text citation and references APA

Bad boy someone that others say to avoid; stay from; bad news
What is the initial attraction?
Why do women stay with these type of men?

Why do people start dating and then stay with a partner that their family/close friends disapprove
of?
Romeo and Juliet Affect
Reactance
o Dating that person as an act of rebellion to assert control
What type of people are more susceptible to this type of behavior
o Individual determinants
Self-esteem
Attachment style
Cultural background
Values

Are people really attracted to those kinds of people?

Focus on reactance forbidden fruit

Why would you be attracted to this person?
Does it really exist?
Lots of stuff to consider
One reason reactance

Title the question




Pretest 9/3/2013 12:34:00 PM
Create new relationships
Invite or go to meals with people # of times a week
Increase amount of female friends
Goal: acquiring more female friends

Abstract
Include research topic, research questions, participants, methods, results, data analysis, and
conclusions.
150-250 words

Introduction
My goal is form 5-10 new female friendships with women who attend University of Maryland.
Why is this my goal?
I am from out of state and would like to increase my social circle, including both men and
women, in order to create a positive social experience in my first semester of college.
I usually gravitate towards creating male friendships, which typically require less effort and pose
less potential confrontation. However, I realize that having mostly male friends may be
diminishing my status as a female, and thus, lowering my chances of finding a boyfriend. In
other words, spending a lot of downtime with males makes them more likely to think of me as
one of them, rather than as someone of a different gender. In addition, being accompanied by a
group that consists only of females will increase my chances of finding parties on the weekends.
This phenomenon has two reasons. First, women are more likely to make plans in advance.
Second, most prefer a larger female to male ratio.

Method
I measured my current female friendships at the University of Maryland by surveying my
recently added female friends on Facebook, as well as my text messages from female friends.
Those whom I have spoken to in the last 3 days I will consider to be friends, as opposed to
acquaintances.

Creating close relationships how will I do that

Results
How many female friends at the University of Maryland I currently have. How I am going to
increase the number of females friends I have in college.

Going out to at least one party or social events over the weekend with a group of people that is
composed of at least one half females.
Inviting a female in my dorm to go to the dining hall for a meal at least 5 times a week.
Engage in 45 minutes of self-disclosure with a person of the same gender.
o Slatcher, R.B. (2010). When Harry and Sally met Dick and Jane: Creating closeness
between couples. Personal Relationships, 17, 279297
o

Avoiding bias:
What constitutes as a friend, rather than an acquaintances Having an interaction with the
person in the last 48 hours

Measure:
Communication
Measurement amount of female friends now

Abstract
Summarizing each section in 1-2 sentence