1 Academic Style Lic.

Alejandra Scotti

Paragraph organization Part 2
2014

Indicating the structure of the paragraph

The topic sentence may contain language which indicates the structure of the paragraph.
These phrases are advance organizers, which we will discuss in more detail next week.
e.g.
for three main reasons.
in the following respects
There are two methods of
has two advantages and one disadvantage

Activity 1: Write topic sentences for the following paragraphs (you will need to
read the supporting sentences very carefully). Include an advance organizer
if possible.
__________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________
For example, paragraphs could be structured in terms of comparison and contrast.
They could also be structured to show a process. Furthermore, the organization of a
paragraph may be based on the writers need to describe. In this particular
paragraph, the structure is based on the writers need to enumerate.

__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
This is not always necessary. However, the concluding sentence can be useful in
reminding the reader of the main point of the paragraph (especially useful in a long
paragraph). It can also leave the reader with a thought which may provoke further
reflection on the topic.

Check your answers (other answers are possible, so feel free to send them to me)
a. Paragraphs can be structured in a number of ways.
b. A paragraph may feature a concluding sentence.


Paragraph coherence

Cohere (verb): stick together
Sentences in a paragraph should flow smoothly and logically.
Below are some ways you can make a paragraph become coherent:

1. Use linking words
2. Arrange ideas in a logical order
3. Use nouns and pronouns appropriately
4. Repeat key nouns regularly



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Paragraph organization Part 2
2014
Activity 2: Read the following paragraph and say if it is possible to
identify the 4 points.
1. Are linking words/phrases used?
2. Are ideas arranged in a logical order?
3. Are nouns and pronouns used appropriately? (is there agreement between nouns
and pronouns?)
4. Are key nouns repeated regularly?
In this work, we report the structural organization of
the replication region of pUCL287 and its molecular
analysis. Furthermore, we characterize and examine the
role of the proteins encoded by the two open reading
frames (ORFs) carried by this replication region and we
determine the pUCL287 replication origin. A nucleotide
sequence comparison enabled us to classify pSMB74, a
pediococcal plasmid encoding bacteriocin production
and immunity (Motlagh et al. 1994), as a member of the
pUCL287 replicon family.

Linking words / expressions
Roughly speaking, linking words and expressions may be classified into
a) words signaling addition
b) words signaling contrast
c) words signaling conclusion
d) words signaling elaboration
e) words signaling examples
Activity 3: Put the following words/phrases in the corresponding
category
addition contrast conclusion elaboration examples





To sum up, moreover, in fact, in addition, consequently , however,
for example, in other words, to illustrate, for instance, such as, nonetheless,
similarly, as a result, hence, so, accordingly, as a consequence, actually,
thus, since, therefore, for this reason, because of this, and, also, besides, further,

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Paragraph organization Part 2
2014
furthermore, too, then, of equal importance, equally important, another, but,
in contrast, conversely, still, nevertheless, yet, and yet, on the other hand, on the
contrary, in spite of, particularly, consequently, to be specific

Activity 4: Read the following paragraph carefully. Rewrite it using linking
words to make the paragraph more coherent. Feel free to make changes to
the sentences. Then compare your version with the answer proposed below. If
your paragraph is significantly different from the model answer, please send it
to me, so we may discuss it.

Hofstedes theories have been hugely influential. They have encouraged people to
think more deeply about cultural differences. They have helped provide people with
effective ways of seeing cultural differences. They have helped provide people with
an effective way of discussing cultural differences. They have given organisations
ideas about how to manage workplace diversity. Not every one agrees with
Hofstedes model of cultural differences. His concept of masculine vs. feminine
cultures has been subject to great criticism. Some people have argued that his ideas
are based on research of atypical groups. They are atypical in terms of career and
class. These groups are not reflective of the different people who make up the
different national cultures. Hofstedes theories continue to be useful. They are hard to
ignore.
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________

Check your answer

Hofstedes theories have been hugely influential for several reasons. Perhaps most importantly, they have
encouraged people to think more deeply about cultural differences. Furthermore, they have helped
provide people with effective ways of seeing and discussing cultural differences. In the business world,
Hofstedes theories have given organisations ideas about how to manage workplace diversity. However,
not every one agrees with Hofstedes model of cultural differences. In particular, his concept of masculine
vs. feminine cultures has been subject to great criticism. In addition, some people have argued that his
ideas are based on research of groups that are atypical in terms of career and class and are not reflective
of the different people who make up the different national cultures. However, despite such criticisms,
Hofstedes theories continue to be useful and are hard to ignore.





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Paragraph organization Part 2
2014



Note, however, that you can use all the connectives you want and still not
have a cohesive paragraph as the terrible paragraph below shows:

Because the press is the major medium of interaction between the Prime Minister and
the people, how it portrays him influences his popularity. Therefore, it should report on
the Prime Minister objectively. Both reporters and the Prime Minister are human,
however, subject to error and favoritism. Also, people act differently in public than
they do in private. Hence, to understand a person, it is important to know the whole
person, his environment, upbringing, and education. Indeed, from the
correspondence with his family, we can learn much about John Howard. (adapted
from Williams 1997, p.105)


Use of pronouns

Be careful when using pronouns (words such as it, they, them, he, him, she, and her).
If pronouns are overused, the focus can be hard for the reader (What is it? Who is
he? What are they).

Another common mistake that involves use of pronouns is singular/plural confusion:

The company embarked on an unrelated diversification strategy. They had decided
that previous strategies had been ineffective.

The company is actually singular. The second sentence should also start with The
company or it.

Another mistake involves using a pronoun which could refer to more than one
subject.

A number of people support the new systems and new processes. They (?) might be
considered to increase organisational effectiveness.

These are certainly problematic and if you do it, this may confuse them and it make
hard to understand them. Unfortunately, it is something they often do no matter how
often these are told to them and this can even lead to them failing it. (Joke! Dont
write sentences like this!)


Activity 5: Correct the pronouns in the following paragraph

Olympic athletes must be strong both physically and mentally. First of all, if s/he hopes
to compete in an Olympic Sport, they must be physically strong. Furthermore, aspiring
Olympians must train rigorously for many years. For the most demanding sports, they
train several hours a day, five or six days a week, for ten or more years. In addition to
being physically strong, athletes must also be mentally tough. This means that you
have to be totally dedicated to your sport, often giving up normal school, family and
social life. Being mentally strong, also means that he or she must be able to withstand

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Paragraph organization Part 2
2014
the intense pressure of international competition with the accompanying media
coverage. (Oshima and Hogue 1999, p.25)
Check your answer
Olympic athletes must be strong both physically and mentally. First of all, if athletes hope to compete in an
Olympic Sport, they must be physically strong. Furthermore, aspiring Olympians must train rigorously for
many years. For the most demanding sports, Olympic athletes train several hours a day, five or six days a
week, for ten or more years. In addition to being physically strong, athletes must also be mentally tough.
This means that they have to be totally dedicated to their sport, often giving up normal school, family and
social life. Being mentally strong, also means that Olympic athletes must be able to withstand the intense
pressure of international competition with the accompanying media coverage. (Oshima and Hogue 1999,
p.25)

Concluding sentences

Concluding sentences are optional, but can sometimes help by summarising the
main point of the paragraph. This is especially useful when the paragraph is long.

You may begin a concluding sentence with such signals as:
In short,
In summary,
Indeed,
Therefore, it is clear that


Activity 6: Read the following paragraphs and identify (if any)

a) topic sentence
b) elements that create coherence (linking devices, repetition of
key words, use of pronouns)
c) concluding sentence
Example:


After the first dimension, strips were placed in equilibration buffer (0.05MTriseHCl, pH 8.8;
6Murea; 30% glycerol; 2%w/v SDS; containing 1% w/v DTT) and were slowly shaken for 15
min. The strips were then incubated for another 15 min in the equilibration buffer with 2.5%
(w/v) iodoacetamide without DTT. The second dimension was conducted on 12.5% SDS-
PAGE gels using the Ettan DALTsix system. After electrophoresis, the gels were silver
stained by following the published method of Mortz (2001) and Gharahdaghi (1999) [26,27].
Images were captured by ImageScanner III and spots were quantitatively analyzed by using
ImageMaster 2D Platinum7.0. The abundance of each protein spot was estimated by the
percentage volume (%vol). Only those with significant changes (>1.5 folds and P < 0.05) were
considered to be differentially expressed proteins.

I dont see a topic sentence in this case, as the paragraph is organized following the sequence
of steps. The most salient aspect of this paragraph is the elements that create coherence.



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Paragraph organization Part 2
2014



Now analyze the following three paragraphs in the same way and send
me your answers.


A) The multifaceted approach adopted in this study, linking culture-independent and culture-
dependent analyses, shows that plants, like mammals and insects (1012), can rely on
specific constituents of the microbial community for protection against pathogen
infections. We showed that the g-Proteobacteria, and specifically members of the
Pseudomonadaceae, protect plants from fungal infection through the production of a
putative chlorinated lipopeptide encoded by NRPS genes. Functional analysis further
revealed a significant difference in plant disease suppression between haplotypes SH-
Aand SH-C (fig. S7), suggesting that in situ antifungal activity is governed by individual
members of this bacterial taxon.
B) Larval SOD specific activity was not significantly modified by 3 mg/ L of AM, while
exposure to 6 mg/L AM caused a significant increase in its activity (29%) (Fig. 4). On the
other hand, CB was not able to significantly modify larvae SOD activity.
C) Study 2 had a single data collection phase. The questionnaire assessed predictors of
intentions and intentions to engage in household recycling. Recycling behaviour was
defined as in Study 1: put out for recycling all newspaper and glass, aluminium/tin
products, and plastic products that can be recycled during the next fortnight. The
measures of attitudes, personal injunctive norms and intention described below included
this full definition of household recycling. To reduce the effects of response bias, some of
the items were negatively worded. Unless noted, all items were assessed on seven-point
scales.


Paragraph unity

Unity (noun): oneness

All paragraphs should have unity, that is, they should only discuss one idea. If you have
more than one idea, start a new paragraph.

Activity 3: Read the following paragraph and identify where it could be
divided into two paragraphs.

High emotional intelligence can help a manager improve workplace communication
skills, employee motivation and organisational effectiveness. If a manager has high
empathy, a key component of emotional intelligence, he or she will be able to listen
to the concerns of employees and will be more understanding of their needs, wants
and concerns. This will most likely translate into increased motivation and satisfaction
of employees and ultimately will have a positive effect on the effectiveness of the
business. It is important to note, however, that emotional intelligence is a concept
that is not universally understood to have the same meaning and is not universally
believed to be a key determiner of business success. Highly authoritarian, top down
approaches are employed in many successful businesses today.

Check your answers: A new paragraph needs to be started from: It is important to note, however

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Paragraph organization Part 2
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Activity 4: Read the following paragraph and try to identify which sentence
does not fit within it:

HRM policies affect certain immediate organisational outcomes and have
long-term consequences. For example, policy choices made by managers
affect the overall competence of employees, the commitment of employees,
the degree of congruence between the goals of employees and those of the
organisation, and the overall cost effectiveness of HRM practices. HRM
policies have been subject to considerable change in throughout the western
world in recent years. HRM policy makers may find the four Cs useful means
to enhance effectiveness of human resource management in organisations.

Check your answers: The following sentence needs to be cut from the paragraph: HRM policies have
been subject to considerable change in throughout the western world in recent years.

Activity 7: Editing
Do you think all the sentences in the paragraph below are directly related to the
topic sentence? In a way, ideas flow from one sentence to the next logically, but
could it be improved? Would it be clearer if it had a more typical structure, with
the topic sentence at the beginning of the paragraph and supporting sentences
following it? Would it be better to separate the paragraph into two? Try it and send
me your edited version and your comments. (The comments in the boxes on the
right indicate the purpose of each sentence, so you may see how the author
structured it).

Anthropogenic increases in salinity are referred to as secondary
Salinisation (1). This contrasts with primary salinisation, which
involves the accumulation of salts originating from natural sources
at a rate unaffected by human activity as outlined above (2). Secondary
salinisation is a global and growing threat that poses a risk of
causing severe biodiversity losses and compromising the
ecosystem goods and services that rivers, wetlands and lakes of the
world provide(3). Therefore, salinisation has been rated as one of the
most important stressors for freshwater ecosystems in the
Millennium Ecosystem Assessment (2005) (4). Moreover, in the United
States salinisation is among the top 15 causes of impairment of
streams being equally important as pesticide input (US
Environmental Protection Agency, 2012)(5). In Australia a survey of
river managers rated salinity in the top three most important
environmental contaminants (Lovett et al., 2007) (6). Although there
are some review papers dealing with Australian rivers (Hart et al.,
1991; James et al., 2003; Dunlop et al., 2005), no comprehensive
review integrating different regions of the world has been done yet (7).
This paper reviews the major causes of secondary salinisation, its
impacts on the biota of rivers, management of rivers subject to
secondary salinisation and identifies future research needs in these
areas under a global perspective (8).


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Activity 8:
Select a paragraph of your own work (a manuscript you have written before or a
manuscript you are working on at the moment, even if it is your first draft). If you have not
written a manuscript yet, you may find a paragraph written by another author that you
think may be improved. Copy and paste the original version below and then edit it
following all or some of the principles described in this tutorial. Send me your answer.