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book.
Introduction:
!aime stood, pacing around her room, anxiously. "y now, she felt like
somebody had grabbed a hold of her abdomen and twisted her guts
around, she felt sick, afraid, and weak. #he had been crying so hard for
several hours now, that her eye lids were swollen, and sore.
$t seemed like none of this mattered to %ric who was on the other end of
the phone, as distant as ever, as cold as outer space itself.
All !amie wanted was for %ric to like and want her, the same way that she
had always loved him, and wanted him. $t was truthfully starting to feel
like that was not going to happen, and as the fear took a hold of !amie,
she started to ask %ric some dreadfully pressing &uestions.
#he wanted to know for real, if this was all ust a game, and if she had
been emotionally played with.
'ad he really ust not truly wanted her at all( this entire time)
*+o you see yourself being with me( creating a life with me(getting
married), she hesitantly asked(as a nervous smile appeared across her
face, as she hoped he-d say yes.
'e said nothing. .tter silence cut through the tiny bit of hope she had
maintained so far, and tears began to burn their way down her cheeks
again.
#he heard a slight sigh come from his end. #he could tell he was getting
annoyed, but she continued/ *$ want to be with you. 0ou know that $ want
to spend my life with you. Tell me what it is that $-m doing wrong) 1lease
tell me, talk to me(), !amie pleaded, now( biting her nails in
anxiousness.
'e hadn-t really said much in the two hours that she had been talking to
him, trying to persuade him to know that deep down inside, she wanted
more from him and that, he didn-t have to run away, or push her aside.
'e had given her a couple of excuses along the way / about how he
wasn-t ready for intense commitment yet, how he had issues that he still
needed to resolve before he even considers commitment.
"ut none of them comforted, nor satisfied !amie. #he had doubted him for
a while now, and wasn-t sure whether or not he was going to stay.
#omething inside her was screaming that she was simply lying to herself
all along, that he didn-t T2.30 want to be with her.
"ut, she so desperately needed him to stay. #he needed him to not
abandon her. #he needed him to comfort her, love her, desire her,
understand her and more importantly accept her.
$n the last hour, though, this phone call has felt as though she was
speaking to a completely different person.
4ho was this man) 'e was cold and most of his responses had consisted
of *5mm, or *$ don-t know,.
#he ust wanted the comfort of knowing that he would be there, that he
would stay and that he wasn-t going to leave her. 1lus she felt guilty for
even asking him these pressing &uestions in the first place.
Now she thought / $f she hadn-t started this conversation, they might still
be talking about his work and how his parents were going on a vacation
soon.
"ut then she also felt that it had to be done, because she had this
crushing and ugly feeling deep inside of her, for months now. #he felt that
he too, like all the other guys before, would run away from her. That he
too, would abandon her and leave her because she saw very clear proof of
this, in his recent behaviors and actions.
$t seemed like the more she did for him, the more she was there for him
and the more she comforted him, the more distant and cruel he grew. 'e
started to critici6e everything she did and it seemed like nothing was ever
good enough.
'e had begun ignoring her phone calls, and was giving excuses as to why
they couldn-t talk. 'e stopped meeting her in real life and even blew off
their dinner date, which they had been planning for months, even though
they had already pre/paid for it.
!amie couldn-t help but feel desperate, as the truth started to dig its way
up to the surface.
#napping out of her thoughts, she reali6ed she had been &uiet as she was
lost in her own mental world for some time now, and reali6ed that he
hadn-t said anything either in the past few minutes. #he pulled the phone
away from her ear, and looked at the screen. The call had ended 7
minutes ago.
'e had hung up on her and she was so consumed by this whole scenario
that she hadn-t even heard the click.
An intense amount of desperation flooded her body now, as she reali6ed
that she had ust lost him. #he began to grind her teeth as she &uickly
punched in the numbers to call him back. A girl picked up, and !amie-s her
heart dropped to her stomach, and her body went cold.

8ortunately / $t was a wrong number, but the looming thought that he had
already moved on, and possibly had cheated on her, devastated her even
more.
#he tried again / it was the right number this time, but his phone was
switched off. #he couldn-t rest now. #he got up and paced around,
rethinking about everywhere she could have possibly gone wrong. Then
she was reminded of her massive failures from all of her broken
relationships in the past.
#he cried harder remembering how the last guy had actually moved all of
his things out, while she was at work. #he came home to find him gone,
no note, no text, no phone call(nothing. 'e didn-t even want to tell her
that he was leaving, and ust abandoned her cold turkey.
The next day, she got an email from him saying that he accidentally took
some of her things, and that they were in a box at her friend-s house. No
apology, no sorry / ust another line telling her to never contact him again,
to leave him entirely alone, and that they were through.
$t was starting to feel like that all over again with %ric as well. 'is phone
was switched off, he had been distant, and he didn-t want to give her any
direct answers.
4as he going to ust dump her too) 4as he going to run away, like all the
others had) 4as she really that undesirable)
#ee, while !aime was going through what we might call an intense
emotional breakdown, at the exact same time her best friend, Adrienne
was at work, and she had ust gotten a text message from her boyfriend,
and he was again telling her ust how ama6ing she was, and how much he
loved her, and how he felt blessed and lucky to have a woman like her.
Now Adrienne was the kind of girl, who wasn-t exactly a model, and she
certainly didn-t have the most pleasant personality, but she always had a
way of getting what she wanted, especially from guys.
Adrienne-s current boyfriend was so in tune to Adrienne-s needs, that they
barely fought, he often went above and beyond, to make sure she was
happy. #he never had to worry about being misunderstood or feeling like
he simply didn-t get her.
!aime, Adrienne-s best friend, often thought that Adrienne was ust
*lucky,, and had some sort of super power, because her relationships
always used to work out so well. After all, the two were very similar, in
many ways. They had the same kind of ob, they had similar hobbies, and
talents, and they had even grown up in the same city.
"ut, the weird thing was that !aime couldn-t &uite explain, or put her
finger on exactly what Adrienne was doing differently. The reality was that
all of Adrienne-s relationships seemed to follow this pattern of perfection.
Adrienne knew how to sustain all of her relationships, almost effortlessly
and flawlessly to the point, where the guy would literally worship her, and
would never %9%2 think about leaving her.
$n fact, in every relationship that had ended, it was always Adrienne who
broke it off. Truthfully, she had a really hard time, trying to get the guy to
leave, or agree to break up. 5ost of the men she was with, always wanted
to stay, and would even beg and plead with her to stay.
!aime couldn-t &uite explain it, but she knew that Adrienne was doing
something different. 'owever, she ust couldn-t figure out %:ACT30 what it
was that Adrienne knew that she didn-t about men.
0ou might have gotten the hint already, but there is actually a method to
what Adrienne was doing. There was no happy accident or magical fate
that caused Adrienne to be so successful in her relationships.
Adrienne understood something that !amie didn-t. #he understood the
dynamics of the male psychology, and knew exactly how to talk, act and
behave around a man to stack the odds in her favor.
This book will e&uip you with the exact tools, tricks and strategies, which
will help you stack the odds in your favor as well, regardless of your
current situation.
'owever, ust like everything else in life, you can-t get results without
action. The techni&ues described in this course work really well, provided
you apply them to your life.
This course isn-t written for mental stimulation or entertainment purposes.
$t is designed to help you get the precise results you desire from men and
relationships with the least amount of effort. Therefore, the only way to
see a sustainable change in your life, make sure you act on everything you
learn within this course.
Alright, now that we-re done with our little pep talk, let-s get into the first
section(
Chapter 1 Emotions are everything.
*$-m sorry, but $-m not ready for a relationship right now. $ have far too
many things to do before $ settle down.,
3ooks like a typical male response right) This is exactly what my client had
to experience recently from a guy, who she considered to be the ultimate
man of her dreams. Although, it had been only ;< days since she had
known him, she felt like this was the right time to move things to the next
level.
.nfortunately, he didn-t share the same goal and they had to end it.
"ut this wasn-t the oddest part. The oddest part was, that this same man,
got into a relationship with another woman within a couple of weeks, and
was married to her in less than = months.
9ery strange, right) 'ow can a man who claims he isn-t ready for a
relationship to one woman, suddenly go out and marry another woman, so
&uickly)
$n order to better explain this, $ must tell you another story. This story, is
about my friend !ames.
!ames is one of my really close friends, and we go way back really far. 4e
have been friends since childhood, and $ have known him for as long as $
can remember. !ames was the kind of guy who could work any social
group, and this was especially true, with the ladies.
4hile growing up, $ always knew that he would never struggle in the
female department, and that he would be a complete natural with women.
'e somehow, intuitively knew exactly what to say, that would trigger
instant attraction with any female. %ven when he had a girlfriend or was in
a committed relationship, he always had a huge waiting list of women
eager to date him.
"ecause of this, he always used to say that *love doesn-t exist, it-s all only
about infatuation and attraction., The sad part was, that he didn-t ust say
things like that, he actually "%3$%9%+ it too. !ames practiced this theory of
*infatuation or attraction, in his life as well.
'e was so confident that his theory was ><<? true, that he believed there
was no woman out there, who could make him fall for her.
$ know it sounds cocky and even a bit ridiculous when you think about it,
but that was his reality back then.
8ast forward a few months later, !ames and $ had been busy with work
and our women, so we hadn-t really been in touch that much. 'e calls me
out of the blue one day, and demands to see me.
Thinking it-s urgent, or that maybe !ames is in trouble, $ take the day off
work. 4e meet at our usual place, and the conversation went from work
to life in general, and eventually to women, and relationships.
The moment $ asked him about his personal life, the mood suddenly
changed. 'e went from being casual and easygoing, to uptight and
withdrawn. $ noticed an extreme change in his body language, and $
sensed that something was up. "ut, $ didn-t want to press too hard or dig
too far into it, because $ could tell he was clearly uncomfortable.
#o, to make things less awkward for him, $ &uickly changed the topic back
to myself, and oked around a bit. #uddenly, he told me about his current
girlfriend. 4ell, technically, she was not officially a *girlfriend,, but he liked
to think that she was his girlfriend.
'e explained how he had been struggling desperately, to try and make
this girl like him in a way, which would result in a committed relationship
eventually.
$ thought to myself @ *4ait a minute, is this the same A%ric- $ knew) $s this
even the same guy) 4hat happened to the ol- *$-ll never have to chase
women like this, $ will never fall in love with a girl, attitude,)
The man in front of me, had shifted >B< +egrees, and he was ust no
longer the same person $ had known for years. To make things worse, he
told me that he had been pursuing this girl for years now, ; to be precise.
$n that timeframe, he told me that he had chased her around like cra6y
and after a lot of hard work, she said yes to him.
That-s when the conversation became extremely ridiculous, since he
started to detail how he moved cities ust to be with this girl. $n fact, he
&uit his six figure income ob, to go work at a place that paid >CB
th
this
amount, ust so he could be with this girl.
The most ridiculous part was this / 'e told me that, this particular girl was
in a lot of trouble financially, and he even paid off her debts, credit cards,
cell phone bills, mortgage payments, and even some old driving fines she
had racked up and still not paid.
'is own parents and friends saw what he was doing as well. They could all
see how drained he had become, trying to manage this *girl,, and trying to
chase after her. 'is own family had begun to constantly nag and lecture
him, begging him to simply let this girl go for his own good.
"ut the issue was deeper than this. 'e had fallen into love with her. The
very same guy who never believed in love, and even cockily stated that
this sort of thing will never be in the cards for him, was surprisingly in love
now.
After telling me about all of the challenges he had been facing, and how
this girl was extremely hard to get for him, he suddenly started to feel a
little bit guilty painting her in a bad light. $ mean, after all, he was cra6y
about her. $ guess he ust wanted to prove a point to meD maybe, he was
trying to show me that this girl was a real catch.
'e was talking about her non/stop and then suddenly, he took out his
phone, and showed me some pictures he took with her.
'e must have had around ><< pictures of ust this girl, heck as odd as it
soundsD he had her face as his phone wallpaper as well.
'is phone was overloaded with albums after albums of her pictures. These
pictures were taken in all kinds of places they had been, food they had
eaten, holidays they went on etc.
$ assumed that this girl must be a real catch, after all, why would a guy
chase after a woman with this much passion, unless she is that one of a
kind woman. "ut, when $ saw the first picture, my eyes went wide, as $
thought *chee6, this girl is EF(but $ mean, she-s nothing to write home
about,.

Ef course he asked me *well, what do you think) Ama6ing, right),
$ nodded my head, in agreement, but deep downD $ honestly ust didn-t
see anything special in what he was showing me.
$t then occurred to me that this girl had managed to trigger the impulsive
part of his brain. $ knew then, that this will end tragically for him, because
once a woman can evoke deep emotional attraction in a guy, he is no
longer in control of himself because his emotions are.
This explains why some men would literally make themselves bankruptD
ust to please a woman. This also explains why, some men would end up
doing the very things they said that they would never ever do, ust to
make a specific woman happy.
$n fact, many guys end up altering their lives almost completely, to try and
match themselves up to the expectations of a particular woman.
5y friend, being the perfect example of this, didn-t change on his own
accord, but rather changed because of this girl.
The big lesson to grasp in this story is that a man will climb mountains,
and even attempt to go to the moon and back, ust to please you, as long
as you know how to trigger the right kind of desire in his mind.

Nevertheless, the driving force beneath all this is something is called
emotions. %motions are the fuel which powers the vehicle of our life.
4hatever we do, is a result of how we feel, and what we feel is usually
what drives our actions.

I want you to do a quic little e!ercise here" I need to as you #
'ave you ever been around a man and ust felt nothing for him)
'e tried really hard to woo you, but it ust wasn-t working on you) 1lus,
you weren-t trying to logically think of this, you ust got this deep feeling in
your gut, feelings of detachment, maybe dislike. And you wanted to get
away from this guy.
5aybe he was even very nice, and did appear to be someone who is date
worthy, but you ust didn-t feel it in your bones) As if, you ust intuitively
knew that it won-t work out)
Er picture a relationship, where you completely lost attraction for a guy in
a matter of a few days) 0ou tried to make it work but, everything ust felt
so hard and difficult that you wanted to breakup)
$ know you could think of hundreds of such experiences, but the bottom
line is that all this happens because of a shift in emotions in your mind.
4hen our feelings change, everything changes.
Therefore, this is why it-s really important that you understand this
concept, because if you ever want a guy to feel attraction for you, and
stay attracted. 0ou absolutely need to know exactly how to *Tune up his
emotions, to a point where, he feels a perpetual stream of desire for you
all the time.
And yes, it-s completely possible, and $-ll show you a super easy way to do
this in our coming sections. "ut before that here are ; really vital points
you absolutely need to know(
$ital point 1 Emotions will dominate logic every single time.
Crystal was in the bathroom taking a shower, while her boyfriend +avid
was laying on the bed, changing channels on his T9. 'e was desperately
looking to find something that would amuse him on a very dry and boring,
#unday afternoon.
4hen, suddenly he heard a beep, and the display lit up on crystal-s phone,
which was kept on the pillow next to him. 'e stared at it for a few
seconds, and then went back to flipping channels.
Then, it beeped againD this time around he picked it up, and looked over
her text. 4hat he saw freaked him out so badly, that he felt a sudden
shock take over his body. 'e couldn-t believe what he was reading.
These texts were from a guy crystal works with, and turns out that she
was actively going out with this guy, and they had been intimate multiple
times. The worst part was, that this guy had been in touch with crystal for
many months now, and +avid had absolutely no idea that this was going
on behind his back.
"ut you see, +avid was angry and a little scared at the same time.
0ou know why) 4ell, this wasn-t the first time Crystal cheated on him. #he
had done it once in the past, and +avid was so much in love with her, that
she ust couldn-t let her go. Now, he was in the same position, only this
time around, he knew that she doesn-t care about him anymore.
#o, he decided that the moment crystal comes out, he will confront her,
and end things right there and then. #ure enough, crystal came out, and
+avid called her out on this. Crystal remained utterly silent, as he angrily
said one thing after another.
#he didn-t respond to anything, and stood there like she wasn-t affected
much by any of this. #he was a little apologetic, but acted as if it-s
something +avid should have expected.
After a few hours of shouting, +avid finally calmed down and said @ *3ookG
$-m done with youD you don-t know how much you-ve hurt me. $ can-t live
with you. $ need you to leave this house right now, and never come back.,
Ence again, as mute as ever, Crystal calmly took out her clothes from the
cupboard, and started putting them in a briefcase. 4ithin a few minutes
she had packed most of her essentials, and gave the duplicate key to
+avid, and walked out of the door.
+avid sat there in extreme pain, trying to figure out how he will ever get
over this) 'e kept saying to himself @ *'ow could she do this to me) 'ow
could she do this to the person she loves),
'e sat there for &uite a few hours, trying to reason and find logic behind
all this but as usual, nothing made sense to him whatsoever. After a
couple of days, +avid decided to text crystal and asked her to talk to him
for a while, as he wasn-t feeling okay.
They got on the phone, and he asked her why she had done it) #he didn-t
really have an answer. Then he asked her, where she was and if she was
okay or not) Crystal was emotionless at this point, and told +avid that she
was at her colleagues place.
+avid asked @ *4hich colleague),
Turns out, that Crystal was staying with the same man she cheated on
+avid with. The moment +avid came to know this, he freaked out big
time, but time around it was a different kind of a freak out.
0ou see, he was a little disturbed over the fact that she moved in with that
guy, but he was now more scared that maybe he-s lost crystal forever. #o,
in a sudden burst of emotions and tears welling up in his eyes, he said @
*$-m sorry. $ didn-t want you to leave. 1lease come back. $ need you
crystal, $ need you.,
*$ can-t live without you. $ forgive you for everything, please don-t leave
me. 1lease),
And after a few days of emotional negotiation, crystal came back and they
started living together again. $ know this story sounds a little weird, but
what do you think made +avid take back the very woman who cheated on
him @ Not once, but twice)
'e did logically reason with the situation. All the odds were telling him
that he-s dealing with an emotional abuser, and he knew very well that
there is a very high chance she would keep on cheating on him over and
over. "ut, why did he struggle to let her go)
4ell, it-s because he was emotionally involved with her, on a very deep
level. A level where / logic goes out of the window, and emotion
determines everything.
Now, this is an extreme example, but the lesson here is that if you can tap
into the emotional side of a man-s mind, then you can have an almost
addictive effect on him. Eften times to the point, where he would ignore
all your shortcomings or flaws, and will love you regardless of it.

$ital point % &rading 'avors 'or a''ection only appeals to his
logical mind.
This is something which makes my blood boil, $ mean literally. $ can-t tell
you how many women come to me, asking me if they should wear a
certain dress, or do their hair a certain way, or cook fancy stuff in hopes
that it will lure a guy.
#ure, it will lure him. "ut it will lure only the logical side of his mind, not
the emotional side. 3ooks do matter to men, yes, but looks aren-t the most
important element when it comes to desire and attraction.
$n fact, let me tell you something very interesting / 'ave you ever seen a
guy, who fell head over heels for a woman, ust because she was
attractive) +id you notice how, he would bring her flowersD take her out
on fancy dates, and all the other good stuff)
"ut, have you noticed that this same man will start getting wandering eyes
after a while, and will start looking at other more attractive women) $n
fact, he treats his present girl as if she isn-t that pretty or attractive
anymore)
4hy do you think this is)
4ell, this is something $ call the exposure blur H$t-s a fancy term $ invented
myselfI. %xposure blur simply states that, when you are exposed to
something for a certain period of time, it blurs itself out in your view.
That means, when a man has stayed with a woman for a few weeks, or
months, her looks won-t please him, like it used to please him at the early
stages of the relationship. $t ust blurs it out.
$ know, this sounds a little too difficult to swallow, but this is ><<? true
and probably the main reason why, no matter how good looking or
attractive a girl is, she has the same chances of being cheated on,
dumped, or abandoned, like every other girl out there.
#o, the point $-m trying to make is simple @ 4hen you dress sexy or do
favors for men, expecting that they will give you love in return, then you
are only appealing to the logical side of his mind, not the emotional side.
#ure, he will take note of all your actions, but you won-t be the woman he
would dream about. 0ou won-t be the woman, who will send him on an up
and down roller coaster of pleasurable feelings. That only happens when,
you appeal to the emotional side of him.
1lus, here is the great part about this @ Ence you understand exactly how
to trigger his emotions, and tune it up, his attraction and desire for you
will grow substantially with time. 0ou will see your relationship getting
better and better as each day passes.
And, this is what brings me to our third most vital point(

$ital point ( )ou must *ecome the source o' positive 'eelings
'or him
'ave you ever been around a man, who gave you literal butterflies in your
stomach) #omeone, who makes you feel so good, that you want to be
around him as much and as long as possible) #omeone, who makes your
heart feel warm and fu66y)
4hy do you think this is happening) 4hy are thoughts of that guy,
triggering ama6ing feelings in your mind and body) 4ell, that-s because
that person has become a trigger of pleasurable feelings, and whenever
you think about him, you can-t help but feel absolutely ama6ing.
#imilarly, can you think of someone who dumped you, or cheated on you)
Can you feel your body welling up with feelings of utter disgust, pain and
maybe even hatred) 0ou see, that-s a trigger as well.
The image of that person triggers nasty memories in your mind. #o, my
main goal with this course is to make you a trigger of euphoric feelings in
the mind of that special man.
$ will show you exactly how you can use something $ now call @ *The
emotional tune up process,, to make a guy feel so good around you, that
he will see you as his one and only special one. "ut before we get to the
tune up process, $ must tell you about the emotional attraction scale which
is discussed in the next section.

+oints to remem*er
/ A man will climb mountains, and even attempt to go to the moon
and back, ust to please you, as long as you know how to trigger the right
kind of desire in his mind.

/ %motions are the fuel which powers the vehicle of our life. 4hatever
we do, is a result of how we feel, and what we feel is usually what drives
our actions.

/ 4hen you tap into the emotional side of a man-s mind, then you
can have an almost addictive effect on him. Eften times to the point,
where he would ignore all your shortcomings or flaws, and will love you
regardless of it.

/ 4hen a man has stayed with a woman for a few weeks, or months,
her looks won-t please him, like it used to please him at the early stages of
the relationship. $t ust blurs it out. This is called exposure blur, and the
only way to counter this, is to trigger the impulsive part of his mind.



Chapter % &he emotional attraction scale,
The concept $ am about to describe in this chapter, is so profound, that it
forms the foundation of everything you will ever encounter with a man.
0ou will be able to understand men on a level, which you cannot even
imagine.
Ence you grasp the underlying structure, and basis upon which men
operate through this concept, you will have an almost unfair advantage in
every situation.
The emotional attraction scale is a very straightforward concept, to explain
it in the simplest terms / $ want you to think of a scale, from > to ><D
where > represents the lowest or least possible amount of negative
emotion that a man can feel or have toward you.
4hile, ><, of course, is representative of the most intense and highest
amount of healthy and positive emotion that a man can feel toward you.
Now, $ want you to visuali6e something weird. As funny as it sounds @ Try
to imagine a guy, who has this scale stuck to his forehead. Think of him,
sitting next to you, engaged in a conversation with you, all while the scale
is shifting from left to right and, wavering all over the place, as you are
speaking to him.
%nvision that you can watch this dial actually move in real time, and see
how he is feeling toward you, during the entire conversation.
$f you have experienced a guy, who has showed a lot of interest in you at
first, but then completely lost interest in you, this means that the scale in
his head shifted, from around a J or ><D to a = or a >. The issue, however,
is not that it shiftedD the true issue, is that the dial remained at those low
levels.
Any woman, who is successful with a man, understands how to
consistently keep the dial on a level B or above at all times. Another crucial
difference is that, the moment she sees the dial shifting, which it may, she
makes $N#TANT changes, with her actions and words.
#he doesn-t wait for things to get better, because, once his attraction
toward you is dwindling, it will only continue to fall down, if you leave it in
this path.
3et me give you a realistic representation of this scale, and how it really
affects you in your day/to/day dealings with a man(
Anything above K means, high levels of attraction.
Anything below K means, low levels of attraction.
%ver been in a situation, or dealt with a man, who *sort/of, likes you, but
the attraction coming from his end, isn-t too intense)
#ometimesD he gives you a lot of attentionD but then there are times
where, you really wonder if he even likes you at all, and it seems as
though he doesn-t care for you that much. "ut, after a few days, he is
suddenly interested in you again, much to your confusion)
Er, have you ever seen a woman in a relationship, whose boyfriend or
husband would take her for granted for a week straightD but then, he
might take an intense interest in her suddenly after that, but only for a
very short while)
$n these cases, men act wishy/washy or hot and cold because, the dial on
their emotional attraction scale is stuck in the middle, somewhere around
the number K.
This also explains why women, who expect commitment from a guy, are
stuck in limbo, waiting for the guy to finally make a solid move.
That-s because his dial is stuck right smack dab in the middle, with nothing
prompting him to act positively, nor negatively. 'e won-t dump her or
leave, but he also won-t properly commit either.
Now, to understand this further, $ am going to break down the >< levels,
so that you can understand the signs and symptoms of each of these
levels, to recogni6e exactly what level your man is in, and to be able to
know right away 4'%N he makes a change between levels as well.
-evels 1#%: -ittle &o .o Attraction +hase.
1redominant %motionsL
M "oredom
M +isinterest
M Aversion
M +ispleasure
M $ntense disappointment
M ApatheticCCarelessness

This is the worst level to be in. This is usually the level where, a guy feels
absolutely no attraction for you, and if you don-t do something about it
fast, he might dump you.
-evels (#/: 0ome Attraction" 1riend 2one.
1redominant %motionsL
M Treats you well, but shows no emotional intent.
M $ndifferent.

Almost every woman understands this level all too well. $f you are already
committed, then you feel as though he treats you like a friend, and there
is no emotional intent of desire from his end.
En the other hand, if you are casually dating and end up in this level, then
he will throw you in the *8riends None,, and you will feel a little stuck.
-evels 3#4: 5ot And Cold Attraction
1redominant %motionsL
M 4ishy/4ashy
M .ncertainty
M +oubtfulness
This is the level where a guy could show an intense level of interest in you
one day, and then completely ignore you the next. 'e would shower you
with so much love that it overwhelms you, while the next moment, he will
act so dry that it will feel like he doesn-t even know you.

-evels 6#7: 0trong Attraction
1redominant %motionsL
M %xcitement
M 1assion
M 8ondness
M +esire
This is a very good level to be at. This is the level where a guy will feel at
ease in your company and will find you to be very pleasant to be around.
-evels 8#19: E!treme" Intense Attraction
1redominant %motionsL
M "liss
M %nthrallment
M Thrilled
M Consistently 1assionate
M $nfatuated

This is the level where a guy feels absolutely mesmeri6ed by you. 4hen a
guy is working within the range of the J
th
and ><
th
levels, he will feel a
strong inner need to be with you, as much as possible, and will not be
able to curb his desire toward you. 5y goal is to show you exactly how
you can keep a guy at this level on a consistent basis.
To explain the important of this scale further, $ need to tell you the = really
important reasons why you must absolutely must be aware of this
concept(
Reason :1 &here is no easy way to comprehend speci'ic
'eelings
+esire is all about feelings and not about thoughts. A guy doesn-t have to
logically think about liking or disliking you, it ust happens by default. The
feelings he experiences in your company, determine whether he will like or
dislike you.
"ut then, there are also situations where a man might not be able to make
up his mind about you. Ence again, he won-t be able to pin point exactly
why that is the case, however the up and down flow of emotions confuses
him as well.
#ince a guy can-t exactly understand the reasoning or phenomenon behind
his own feelings, understanding the emotional attraction scale puts you in
the position of extreme power.
"ecause now, you will be able to understand exactly what level of desire
he is at in regards to you, and you will know exactly what to do, in order
to intensify his level of desire for you.
Reason :% ;hen you don<t now the pro*lem" how will you
'ind the solution=
$t-s often said that the knowing the exact problem or the issue you-re
dealing with means that, you have found half the solution. $n other words,
unless you know exactly where you currently stand with a guy, and
accurately understand the emotions he experiences in regards to you. 'ow
can you even fix anything)
This is the only reason why, so many women either do nothing or worse,
the wrong thing when they are dealing with an uninterested or distant
man.
1lus, if you-re like most women, then you already know that there isn-t ust
one universal thing, or process you can apply and magically make a man
desire you.
A woman came to me once, who was about to go through a very painful
divorce. #he came to me as the last resort, and $ could tell that she had
tried a lot of things and even burned herself in the process.
#he told me that she lost weight, changed her looks, and also got a
completely makeover, but her husband was still completely unfa6ed. 'e is
still strictly wished to divorce her, and she hasn-t been able to find a way
to solve this situation.
This is where $ explained the whole concept of the emotional attraction
scale to her, and explained that what she was doing would have worked if
her husband at around level O/K on the scale.
"ut, unfortunately her husband was at level >, and this is why her actions
so far didn-t get her any result.
$n short @ $ told her to alter her actions to match the level her man was
at. $n her case, a simple change of looks wasn-t enough, because her
husband had a lot of negative feelings attached to her.
En further research, $ reali6ed that she had done certain things in the past
that left her husband with a lot of negative triggers.
#o, the first step for her was to clear these negative triggers, and
neutrali6e the feelings that her husband experienced in regards to her. $n
other words, she had to move her husband from level >/=, to level ;/O and
then work further to move it above K and so on.
"ut, she couldn-t have done any of this unless she first understood, what
level on the attraction scale her husband was on, therefore, this is the
reason why, you absolutely need to / not ust understand but also, apply
this concept to all your dealings with a man.
Fnowing this one thing alone, will give you a very accurate idea of where
you stand with a man currently.
"efore $ go any further, $-d like to tell you a little bit about how $
discovered this concept(
"ack in the day, when $ was a pick up artist and used to teach men the
core dynamics of attraction, most of my students used to find themselves
confused regarding the application of the concepts.
There was one particular guy dealing with a breakup situation. 'e wanted
to learn the principles of attraction, ust so he could re/attract his
girlfriend.
As disappointing as it sounds @ $ taught him a lot of concepts, however,
whenever he tried to apply it, he would miserably fail.
$-m obsessed with results, in fact, if $ teach a student something, then $
absolutely want him to get a result or else $ can-t relax. "ut you see / the
problem wasn-t that my concepts don-t work. The main problem was that,
he had absolutely no idea where his ex was on the scale of attraction.
#o ust as an experiment $ asked him @ $f you were to have a scale of > to
><, where > means absolutely no attraction, and >< means extremely
intense attraction, where do you think your ex stands currently) 'e
instantly said ;. 'e didn-t even have to think too much about it, or second
guess it. 'e ust intuitively, had an answer for me.
That-s the point where $ truly understood the value of this process, and $
further refined it by using it with my other students, and ultimately with
my female students. #o, this is how $ came up with this concept.
#o now, $ want to talk about the most important element by far.
$t-s all nice and dandy to understand where you currently stand with a
guy, it-s really ama6ing to know the exact stage he is at with you, and the
exact feelings he experiences around you. 'owever, how do you intensify
his feelings and transfer him to the next level)
That-s a very good &uestionD however, you-ll have to wait a little for the
answer. $n the coming sections, you will discover exactly what to say and
do to tune up any man-s desire for you immensely.
'owever, before we get to that, $ have some really good news for you / As
a woman, you currently hold the power to tune up any man-s desire for
you, as and when you please.
All this can be achieved by making very simple and almost effortless
adustments with your words and actions. 0ou will see an extreme level of
change in how men perceive you, from this point on.
'owever, before we get to the methodology, $ must explain what leads to
low levels of attraction to begin with. 3et-s move on to the next section
and discuss this in detail.


Chapter ( &he investment mechanism.
'ave you ever heard the saying / The one who cares the least controls the
relationship) +o you think it-s true, and have you seen this work in your
relationship) $-d let you ponder over that for a while, but right now, let me
tell you a story about a woman.
$ won-t reveal her name for privacy purposes, so let-s ust call her the
*desperate romantic,D $-ll tell you why $ called her that in a moment.
'ere is how the story began / $ was having a phone conversation with the
*desperate romantic,, and we were discussing the topic of love, in the
middle of the conversation, she asked me(
*"ut, love is meant to be unconditional isn-t it) 4hy did he do that to me)
4hy couldn-t he see how much $-ve done for him, how much $ loved him,
how much he really meant to me),
The *desperate romantic-s, boyfriend wasn-t really interested in her
anymore, he had casually dated her for a few months, and conversely
gave her the impression that he was in it for the long haul. $n the hopes
that he would marry her, she invested herself completely in the
relationship, only to suffer an unexpected and sudden loss.
$ replied(
*4ell, love isn-t supposed to be unconditional. That-s a huge myth fed to
us by romance novels, and 'ollywood. $f you want unconditional love,
then you-d have to buy a dog. 'umans aren-t capable of being ><<?
unconditional.,
*There are always conditions, because without conditions nothing exists.
$n fact, if you were to study the core of human psychology, you will
discover that we are very selfish beings. %ven when we do nice acts, it-s
usually driven by selfish motives. Nevertheless, the sad part is, that
humans are most selfish than ever in this day and age.,
#o is there no hope for me, she asked)
$ never said there is no hope, $ replied. There is a lot of hope, but the only
thing is, that the rules have changed a little, and in order to win this
game, you will have to stick to the rules.
#o, what are the rules she asked) 4ell, there is ust > rule and > rule
alone.
$ want you to think of a relationship, like a building with many floors. %ach
floor represents the investment, you and your partner have made in the
relationship. The more the investment, the higher and taller will be the
building.
"ut, this is where things get a little tricky. The rule is that you and your
partner must invest an e&ual amount of time and effort, in constructing
this building or the relationship. 0ou should either work together on
building each floor, or if you worked alone on one floor, then it-s
automatically your partner-s ob to work on the next floor, and so on.
The problem occurs, when you do all the work alone, and try to make the
building as tall as possible on your own. %ventually, you will find yourself
exhausted, out of energy, and standing on top of that building completely
alone, staring down at your partner who is still sitting on the first floor.
Also, the higher up you are, the more it will hurt when you fall down. The
thing is simple @ you can-t go at it alone. "ut this is the mistake most
women make. They try to build a relationship on their own, and tend to
invest a lot more than needed.
*Can you explain further she asked), #ure, $ replied.
4hen a woman emotionally invests herself into a man, she naturally
expects some return on that investment. 'owever, if she doesn-t get an
e&ual or any return, her natural reaction is to try even harder, and in that
process, she unconsciously invests more and more, hoping that she would
get something back.
That-s almost like gambling at the casino. 0ou lose a bit, then you gamble
more to make up for that loss, but then you reali6e that you made another
loss. 'owever, you still gamble further to make up for that loss, till the
time you are completely out of money.
Then, $ explained exactly why her boyfriend left her @
$ said @ *+o you know the main reason why your boyfriend left you) 'e
left you, because, you didn-t ask him to invest e&ually in the relationship.
At the early stages, when he showered with lots of love and attention, you
drowned yourself in false sense of security assuming that it was going to
be a great deal.
#ince he used to invest a lot more, at the early stages, you automatically
felt liable to him and decided to invest back. "ut with time, he started
investing less, and instead of slowing down, you went even faster and
invested a lot more in him than it was re&uired.
4ith time, you indirectly trained him to accept this as normal. #o, as an
example / you started calling him a lot more, while he used to never call
you, you started doing all the hard work, while he laid back and didn-t do
anything.
0our foundation was weak, and you kept on building one floor after
another, only to find out that your boyfriend, was still sitting on the ground
floor, sipping margaritas, while you worked your ass off doing all the hard
work.
+o you understand what $ mean) Absolutely, she said.
#o, the bottom line is that when your investment in a man, is far more
than his investment in you, it leads to low levels of attraction on the
emotional attraction scale.
$t could be during the early stages, middle or later stages of the
relationship. $t doesn-t really make any difference. This concept is true for
every interaction you have with a man, even if it-s absolutely casual.
#o, the rule is simple @ 0our investment in him has to be e&ual, or less
than his investment in you. 4hen things operate in this fashion, he will
always have a good level of interest in you, and his desire for you will
grow with time instead of fading away.
To put things into perspective, let me go back into the very first thing $
stated in this section. The one who cares the least controls the relationship
right) 4ell no, it doesn-t work that way.
The one who cares the least is a erk, and if you are stuck with such a
erk, then it-s a sin to not get rid of him. Caring is a good thing, you should
never stop caring about your partner, except you have to remember that
you shouldn-t end up giving too much, when you are not getting anything
in return.
%verything has to be a fair deal. 4hen you give more and get less, you
have indirectly given away your control, and when you give away your
control, the other person gets power over you.
Now you must be thinking / Ekay, $ understand how the process works,
but can you explain why women get themselves in a situation where
they-ve lost all control) 4ell, there are ; maor reasons why women do it(
Reason :1 I must earn his love" *ecause i' I don<t do enough"
he won<t lie me.
*Enly bad girls don-t finish dinner, are you a good girl) 4ill you finish your
dinner) +o you want to be a good girl for mommy),
*0es mommy, $-m a good girl,, and she goes on to finish her dinner. 4ell, $
won-t put any labels on this, but have you ever seen a parent negotiating
with their kid this way) $ bet you have.
Now, like $ already said, $-m no one to make any udgments here, but right
since we were kids, we were taught that in order to earn someone-s
affection, we must do something to please them.
4ell, the issue is that this thing doesn-t leave us alone when we grow
older. #o it-s no surprise why so many women give out a lot at first, usually
unconsciously, in hopes to gain a man-s affection.
This could happen at any stage of the relationship. $ have seen so many
women, going out of their way to impress a guy, ust because they like
him and want to make sure he likes them back.
$t-s not that every woman naturally does thisD rather, some women
unconsciously feel that if they don-t do something to woo a guy, earn his
attention, and prove their worth to him, then, he might not like them at
all, and the relationship might not make its way to the next level.
A similar thing is true during the later stages of the relationship as well,
especially during the time, when a woman wants her man to commit. This
is the stage when she might invest herself twice as much or more, in
hopes to earn her man-s commitment.
1lus, the same is true at the ultimate stages of the relationship, especially
when the relationship has run its course, and is running its final rounds.
This is the time where a woman fears that her lover might leave her
forever, and in the hopes to secure whatever she has left, she goes out of
her way to prove that she is worth it.
"ut do you know that the moment you have to prove yourself, you have
automatically lost the battle) $-ll tell you more about this in a moment, but
before that let-s get to the =
nd
big reason(
Reason:% A good deed deserves something good in return.
The truth is that this is true in life, but not in relationships. $ don-t know
why women hold this belief. 4omen believe that if she can ust show a
guy how ama6ing she is, and prove to him that she-ll make the best
possible girlfriend, he will see it and will adore her for it.
4ell, let me give you a reality check here @ +oing something good for a
man doesn-t mean he will return the favor. $n fact, he might label you as
needy or desperate, ust because you are trying to prove yourself to him.
And you know what) 0ou will only feel used in the process, because
internally it-s not going to make sense to you. 0ou will sit there and
constantly &uestion yourself and ask @ $ did all these nice things for him,
why didn-t he reciprocate)
'eck, if you-re like most women, you might turn this into a topic of gossip
among your female friends, and come to a common conclusion that all
men are messed up, and they ust want to use you. 4ell, the reality is that
a man can-t use you, unless you give him an opportunity to do so.
The problem is that most women don-t understand this concept. $-ll give
you more details on this later, but for now, please understand that if you
do nice things for a guy, it doesn-t mean that he is going to do nice things
for you in return. Affection can-t be earned this way, and this brings me to
the ;
rd
and final reason(
Reason :( )ou want it to wor at any possi*le cost.
$ don-t think $ can talk about this topic without pissing a few women off,
but it-s still important because without tough love, some women might not
get the message.
'ave you ever had an imaginary relationship) No, $-m not talking about
day dreaming, or having an imaginary boyfriend. $-m talking about women
who unconsciously decide that no matter what the odds, they are ust
going to do anything to make their relationship work, even if their man is
a complete wuss, la6y and a good for nothing chump.
$f the man is not pulling his weight in the relationship, some women make
it their duty to do it on his behalf. They put themselves in the driver-s seat,
and assume that if they make every effort, and try to make it work, things
will change with time, and they will finally get what they want.
4ell, the truth is, that time never comes. No matter how much you invest,
you can-t run a relationship on a single wheel.
#imilarly, the same is true for early stages of a relationship as well.
#ometimes, women meet a guy who literally sweeps them off their feet.
'e appears to be doing all the right things, and in the process makes you
feel emotionally secure.
$t-s a feeling you find yourself getting addicted to, and after a while you
start dreaming and visuali6ing a perfect relationship with this perfect man.
0ou start imagining how ama6ing life will be to be with this man, how
wonderful it will be to be next to him every morning, to spend long
romantic weekends together, and to have him treat you like his one and
only special girl.
#o far so good right)
4rongG "ecause that-s when, the ugly reality hits you. #uddenly, you
reali6e that this prince charming isn-t interested in having you as his
&ueen, and probably has other plans in mind. 0ou find out that he isn-t as
enthusiastic about having a relationship with you, as you are with him and
then you reali6e that his interest in you is starting to fade, little by little.
'e calls you a lot less, you two don-t meet that often, and suddenly you
feel that you are starting to slip into the friend-s 6one. This is the point
when you finally face some brutal reality, and reali6e that maybe your
dream isn-t going to come true, and things won-t be as you assumed.
At this point, you feel so desperate, that you make a promise to yourself
that no matter what, you are going to make it work and as usual, this is
where you start to invest yourself a lot more. 0ou start doing a lot more
things in the &uest to please him, and as a result, you give your power
away and put him on a pedestal.
The truth is simple @ 0ou can-t make it work all by yourself. 0ou need to
make him work for it too, that-s the only way to make it work in this day
and age. $ hope you get the message by now.
#o far we-ve established that in order for a man to feel a consistent level
of desire for you, you need to ensure that you aren-t investing more in
him, than he is investing in you. 5oreover, you also know the ; primary
reasons why women end up investing more.
Now, $-m getting a little ahead of myself but $-ll still like to introduce the
magic formula, which will ensure that you never go wrong in this area. $
call this formula the @ *9acuum formula,.
$n simple terms, this formula states that your ob is to create enough
vacuum, so that your man naturally feels the pull to fill up that vacuum.
$n other words, whenever you feel that you have invested more, and don-t
see an e&ual amount of return from your man, you must hold your
position and not take any further steps. Er you must pull back a little, and
create enough vacuum until your man fills up that vacuum.
#o, if your man doesn-t call you enough, and you feel that you are the one
always calling him, your ob is to stop calling him altogether, and wait for
him to call you. The secret is to hold your position, until the time he takes
the necessary action.
#imilarly, if you-re already in a relationship and feel that you are putting a
lot of time, energy, and effort into your relationship, while your partner is
laid back and isn-t returning the favor. 0ou should stop initiating all action
immediately, until the timeD he finally comes to his senses and starts to
invest.
"ut, how do you know how much to pull back) There is a very easy way to
figure it out as well. 0ou can do it by using your magic of your intuition.
The exercise $-ll ask you to do now will sound a little strange, but, it will
give you a very accurate measure of where you stand, and how much you
should pull back. $t involves > extremely easy step.
'ere is what you need to do @ Ask yourself a simple &uestion @ $f you
were to measure your man-s investment in you in terms of attention,
attraction, desire and love. 'ow many points would you give him on a
scale of > to ><, where > represents the lowest possible investment, and
>< represents the highest possible investment)
+on-t try to think too much about this because, the first answer which will
pop into your head, is going to be the most accurate one. $f your answer
is anything below O, then you need to pull at least = steps back. $n other
words, if your man never calls you, you should not call him back until the
time he has called you at least = times.
#imilarly, if your intuition gave you a confusing answer, and you can-t
exactly get a number in your head, that means the situation is somewhere
in the middle, that is around K or P. $n that case, you don-t need to pull
back a lot, rather you need to hold your position, and let the man initiate
action first.
"ut, what if you got anything above P) 4ell, in that case you are doing
pretty well, and you might not need to use this process, but then again,
nothing is really permanent with relationships. 1lus, you never know when
your man might shift a gear in his head, and start to pull back a little.
%ither way, now that you know this process, you will know exactly how to
operate at different levels with him.
Next, $-d like to show you the concept of value and how it works in a
man-s world.


Chapter / # &he concept o' value e!plained.
#o, what is value really) 4ell, in short value can be defined as @ 'ow
important a man thinks you really are to him. Another definition would be
@ the &uality of emotions a man experiences around you, or in your
company.
The higher the &uality of emotions he experiences around you, the more
valuable you will be to him.
Take note, that $ used the word to him, and not everyone else. $-ll explain
why $ said to *'im, in a moment, but before that it-s story time. This is a
story of a recent discussion $ had with a lady named !ane.
!ane asked me @ *4hy won-t he ust call me) 4hy),
*$ know $-m an attractive woman, he even tells me that all the time. 4e
share an ama6ing level of chemistry, but lately it seems like everything has
gone downhill. $n the past, we used to see each other almost = to ; times
a week. "ut now, even once a week is difficult for him.,
*$n the past, he would call me all the time, oftentimes, several times a day
but now, $ never get a call from him, and when $ try to contact him, he is
always busy. $t-s not like his workload has increased, nor is it that he got a
promotion, and has more stuff to do around the office now.
*$ don-t understand why other things are more important to him, than me
now) #ometimes, $ think that he makes excuses ust to avoid me. 5aybe
$-m right, maybe $-m wrong, $ ust don-t know. 4hat do you think),
$ replied @ *4ell, $ know the answer but are you ready for it),
*Ef course $ am,, she exclaimed with excitement.
4ell, you control the course of this relationship, he doesn-t, $ said. 0ou are
the creator of all this and it-s not his fault for behaving this way. #he got
angry, and didn-t like what $ said, but $ asked her to really listen to me
carefully.
This is where $ explained the concept of value to her. $ told her that at the
early stages of the relationship, the way she was behaving around him,
indirectly demonstrated that she was a woman of high value, and in
return, he awarded with a lot of attention and affection.
$t-s a very simple trade up, however many women don-t understand this.
"ut, why is this so important) 4ell, there are two kinds of categories men
put women in @ The kind he would casually date or have sex with, and
then there is the kind he would gladly commit to, and turn into his wife
eventually.
5en have a different selection process for both the categories. 4hen a
man only wants to casually date or sleep around, he would usually select a
woman based on her looks and looks alone.
"ut, when it comes to selecting a potential mate, things change drastically.
'is concept of selection goes up several notches, and he become a lot
more selective than normal. This is the exact phase, when a woman-s
value is the primary factor he looks for, and everything else becomes
almost secondary.
#o if you don-t understand this concept the right way, then there is a high
chance that you might end up demonstrating lower value, and in return
you might not be able to get the exact kind of attention you desire from
him.
$ know it sounds a little rude and even plainly selfish, if you study how
men categori6e women. "ut, this process doesn-t take place consciously.
$n other words, a man doesn-t sit around, and determine whether a
woman is high value, or not.
$t all happens unconsciously, and he picks up on your body language and
general behavior, to determine where you actually stand in terms of overall
value. As a result, he makes an unconscious udgment on whether you are
high value or not, and then treats you accordingly.
As humans, we all seek to experience the best life possible for ourselves,
and a very important part of that process is to experience good emotions,
as often as possible. No one sits around and wishes to experience poor
emotions.
This is why the &uality of emotions he experiences in your company, will
be the maor factor in how he perceives your true value. "ut, what are the
basic steps involved) 'ow can $ make him see me as someone of higher
value) 'ere is how(
There are ; very important factors which determine your value, these are
@
1# 5ow you treat yoursel'.
%# 5ow attaina*le you are 'or him.
(# 5ow strong your *oundaries are.
Now let me break these down further. The first one is @ 'ow you treat
yourself.
0ou must have heard of the saying @ 0ou train people on how to treat
you) 4ell, when it comes to men and relationships, you indirectly train
men on how to treat you by demonstrating, how you treat yourself.
Anytime you treat yourself poorly, men will pick up on that, and will
instantly see you as someone of very low value. "ut this isn-t as simple as
it sounds.
Treating yourself poorly could be a variety of different things. Things such
as(
/ Acting insecure around him.
/ 1ointing out what you lack to him.
/ Changing your routines or schedules to match his all
the time.
/ 3etting him act or talk around you in ways which you
don-t agree with.
Ene of my female friends was dealing with a similar situation, with her
boyfriend. $n fact, she was going through an utterly unreasonable
situation. 4henever she used to call her boyfriend and he was busy, he
would ask her to call later.
'owever, when this guy used to call her, he expected her to answer the
phone, and be available to talk, or else he used to get mad. #o because to
keep this man happy, my friend started putting important things on hold,
whenever he used to call.
Ene day $ asked her @ *+on-t you think it-s rather unreasonable for this
man to demand your attention, when you-re busy), #he hesitantly said @
*4ell, if $ don-t answer he gets mad, and we end up arguing.,
$ said, but when you call him and he is busy with something, what do you
do) +o you get mad as well)
#he said @ Ef course not.
$ said bingo, then why are you giving him this luxury) 4hy does he
deserve your time, when he can-t even give you his time when you need
it) +o you see the issue here) "ut this wasn-t an easy thing for her, $
meanD she had indirectly programmed this man to treat her this way,
because she never really said no to him.
#he didn-t understand that indirectly, she was telling this guy @ *3ookG $
value you so much, that $ will put other important things on hold for you. $
don-t respect myself enough to say no to you, therefore you can tell me
anything and $-ll gladly comply with you.,
4hen $ broke it all down for her, and explained to her exactly, how she
was giving all her power away and letting this guy disrespect her, she
finally got the message, and started saying no to him.
A guy will never value someone who doesn-t treat herself with some
respect. #o, make it a habit to always give yourself more preference, than
everyone else around you.
Now, let-s talk about the second point which is / 'ow attainable you are
for him.
As humans when we have to work hard for something, we automatically
attach a higher value tag to that specific thing. The same thing goes for
men and relationships.
4hen a man has to work hard for something, he will automatically value it
a lot more and, this is where the attainability factor comes into play.
Attainability factor simply means how easy you are to attain for a guy.
4hen something is difficult to attain, a guy automatically assumes, it must
be valuable.
"ut, does this mean that $ have to pretend, and make him work a little
hard to capture me) +oesn-t this sound like a game)
4ell, if it-s a game then you are playing it for a good reason, because by
the end of it, both of you win. $n fact, you would be doing him a favor by
playing it this way. 4hy you ask)
4ell, for the simple reason that men are genetically wired to pursue, in
fact, they come from the factory that way. $f you want to trigger his
emotions, and literally make him ump up and down with desire for you,
then you need to hit him in a way which leads to maximum impact.
!ust imagine how odd everything would be, if a man walked up to you,
introduced himself, and then said @ 3ook, $ find you to be really attractive,
can be please get together and have sex now)
#ounds weird right)
8urthermore, let-s assume that you say yes, and things go really well for
the first few dates. 0ou share some incredible nights of passion, and can-t
have enough of each other. "ut after a while, he starts giving you that
dreaded average treatment, and before you know it, he is trying to
capture the attention of some other girl.
4hy) 4ell simply because once the animal inside him has been satisfied,
it seeks more adventure and that won-t come from you, it will come from
another female.
"ut now, let-s change the se&uence a little bit and let-s say this man
approaches you, and introduces himself. %ven if you like him a lot, you still
hold your ground, and don-t ump into the water yet. 0ou first test to see
how cold the water is, and then you take your time before you take the
plunge.
4hat happens when you operate this way)
The same man will work twice as hard to keep your attention, and will
value you a lot more than usual. And here is the biggest benefit @ #ince
you didn-t give him complete access to yourself, or your life easily, he is
going to cherish and value every bit of it.
$n a way, he will come to study you in depth, and will get to know you in a
deeper and more profound way. #o it-s a win/win situation.
3ike it or hate it, when we are handed something on a silver platter, we
never value it. "ut if we have to work for it, we tend to protect it and
value it, as if our life depends on it. That-s ust human nature, and no one
can change it. 4hich brings me to the third most important point about,
how strong your boundaries are.
+o you know that men will randomly test you from time to time, to see
how far you-re willing to bend) They basically do this to test your
boundaries, and see how strong or weak they are. $f a guy establishes
that you have weak boundaries, not only will he push you into doing
uncomfortable things, but at the same time, he won-t value you
whatsoever.
$f you-ve ever found yourself doing something that you didn-t agree with
around a man, ust because you felt that doing such an act would please
him, then you were in a situation where your boundaries were being
tested, and if you gave in, then you indirectly told him that you have weak
boundaries, and he is free to indirectly push you around whenever he
pleases.
$t basically telling him, what you will accept, vs. what you will reect. And
now, $-ll let you into a big secret, every guy secretly wishes to commit to a
woman who has very strong boundaries.
4hy) "ecause it all goes back, to the value concept. 4e-ve already
discussed that every human being wants a high &uality partner, when they
consider a long term relationship, and one of the most important factors in
that scheme of things is the *current value, of the partner they select.
Quality basically depends upon, how this person tackles themselves, and
where they currently stand on the value system. $f a person has strong
boundaries, it means they fulfill all the core re&uirements of a good
relationship, which are / #ecurity, trust and emotional independence.
4hen someone has strong boundaries, you feel a lot more secure in their
company, because they-re less likely to do anything, which would cause
you emotional damage over the long term, like infidelity.
$t-s easy to put your trust in someone with strong boundaries, because
you know that they will protect you emotionally, and will not do anything
which will hurt or harm you.
1lus, the most important thing is that you feel emotionally independent
with someone with strong boundaries, because you know that since this
person has strong boundaries, they aren-t going to burden you with
pressing decisions. 5oreover they will be strong enough to maintain a
good level of independence, when it comes to taking care of their own life.
#o in short, when you meet the ; re&uirements, you will demonstrate that
you are someone who is high &uality, and in return, your man will award
you with e&ual or more amount of respect and attention that you truly
deserve.
"y now, you should have a pretty good idea on what value really means
and how you can demonstrate higher value every single time around a
man, and get the treatment you truly deserve from him. "ut, there are still
a few more important steps to be kept in mind.
The first one which comes to mind is this # &reat this as a necessity"
not an option.
4hat you learned so far, should be treated as absolute necessity, and not
an option. 0ou can-t keep a guy attracted to you, if he doesn-t value you.
Attraction doesn-t last long, but if you can make a man respect and value
you, it would last a lifetime.
0ou see, when you treat yourself well, make him work a little to capture
you, and maintain a healthy level of boundaries, you turn yourself into the
ultimate dream girl every guy hopes to marry someday.
Eur culture has revolved around the idea of being accepted or being liked.
5ost women grow up, and are taught, that there is a prince charming
somewhere, that will magically appear in their life one day, and will sweep
them off their feet.
#o, somewhere down the line, women start treating themselves poorly,
and focus completely on the man and pleasing him becomes their core
target. "ut you see, what we think should work, actually doesn-t work in
reality.
4hen you try to please someone, you only appear needy or desperate.
"ut when you keep your needs in mind first, hold your position, and let
him come to you, he is automatically pleased. $sn-t that funny)
Alright, now we-ve discussed a lot of theory and $ hope you have properly
internali6ed the concepts shared thus far. Next, we are entering the most
interesting part of this course so far. $-ll reveal the formulas and emotional
tune up methods next. $f you-re ready, let-s move to the next section(



Chapter 3 &he 'ormula revealed. Emotional tune up
methods,
This section is going to be the most exciting of the whole program,
because this is where you-re going to learn all the tricks, tactics and
techni&ues to tune up any man-s emotional intensity for you, and make
him want, desire and need you more than ever before.
#o without any more blabber, let-s ust into the first formula(
&he intrigue arousal method #
'ave you heard the story of a 1ersian king and his unfaithful wife)
There was a 1ersian king whose wife cheated on him. The moment he
discovered this, he couldn-t control his anger and out of utter bitterness
and grief, he had her executed.
$n fact, that wasn-t enough for himD at that point he decided that all
women are the same, so he made it a habit to marry a new bride each
night, and used to have her killed by the morning. $t-s very extreme $
know.
"ut, everything was about to change with this one particular bride. 'is
new bride was a clever girl, and she devised a great plan to protect herself
from the king-s assault. #he used to tell the king very intriguing things
each night and indirectly did something that forced the king to postpone
her killing to the next day.
#he did this every night and survived ><<> nights. "y the end of it, the
king was so in love with her and so mesmeri6ed, that he made her his
official Queen and they had ; kids together.
$ know this example is a little extreme, but the point $ am trying to make
is that this psychological formula has existed since the beginning of
mankind, and can be used by any woman in any situation to mesmeri6e
any man at will.
$nspired by this story, $ did further research and developed a uni&ue
system $ now call @ The intrigue arousal method.
"efore showing you the formula, $-d like explain more, on why men
absolutely need to chase a woman. 0ou already know that men are
genetically wired to pursue a woman and it-s almost like a natural need for
them right)
"ut, do you know that he also gets tremendous pleasure out of that act,
and it almost has an addictive effect on him) 0ou see, when a man is in
pursuit mode and is actively chasing you, he gets to experience the same
adrenaline rush and surge of emotions, which he experiences when
gambling at a casino.
The thrill of not knowing whether he is going to win or lose, keeps him on
his toes, and he can-t seem to stop even when he is losing a boat load of
cash. 4hen you intrigue him the right way, you can have this same
addictive effect on him, and after a while, you-ll reali6e that he is chasing
you like cra6y.
#o, how does this formula work) 4ell, the process is really simple and
involves ; steps @
0tep 1 @ #ay something intriguing.
0tep % @ Tell him a little bit and hold the rest.
0tep ( @ Change the subect and leave him hanging.
'ere is how it works in practice / let-s say you-ve been casually going out
with a man, where, things aren-t that light, but also not that serious yet.
0ou do feel something for him, and would love to keep the energy high
between yourself and him.
"ut, how can you do it) 4ell, this is where my intrigue arousal method will
do wonders. 4hen you are speaking to him, casually say something like @
*0ou know, $ noticed something good in you, but also something bad.,
'e will instantly be interested, and would ask you to tell him both, the
good and the bad and, this is where the second step comes in. $nstead of
telling him everything, you must hold yourself and only tell him a little.
'ere is what you could say @ *4ell, the good thing about you is that, you
aren-t like other guys, you are almost a breath of fresh air, but then, you
also bring something bad to the table,
'e will obviously ask you to tell him the rest, but this is where the ;
rd
step
comes in, instead of ust straight out telling him the bad aspect of him,
you should rather say @ *0ou knowG $-ll let you know when the right time
comes, the time isn-t right for this conversation.,
And then, change the subect. "y changing the subect, and leaving the
story in between, you have switched on a strong sense of curiosity within
his mind, and now he will feel strong butterflies in his stomach to know
the rest.
Can you feel the power in this) Not only will he force, urge and even
repetitively ask you to share the rest with him, but he will also be driven
absolutely wild with curiosity about you.
Now, let me explain why this works so well. As humans we always seek
closure with everything we do, since we can-t stand incomplete things. #o
once we are told something incomplete, our minds go into an overdrive
mode to get the rest of the story as fast as possible.
#o by using this formula you will appear extra fascinating to him, because
you indirectly triggered feelings of excitement, and positive expectation in
his mind. 1lus, here are the = biggest benefits you are going to enoy once
you use this techni&ue(
>ig *ene'it :1 )ou are giving him what he needs the most
&he thrill o' chase,
As you already know that men are genetically wired to pursue, and
absolutely love to chase as long as they get a suitable target. "y using this
techni&ue, you awaken the pursuer inside him, and trigger all the feelings
which keep him on his toes.
The best part is that, other women can-t do this. #o you automatically turn
into this one special woman, who he ust can-t stop thinking about, and
can-t keep out of his head. $n other words, you-ll position yourself on a
much higher level in comparison to every other woman out there.
>ig *ene'it :% )ou will appear to *e a lot more attractive,
Ekay, before you take this the wrong wayD $-m in no shape or form saying
that you aren-t attractive. All $ am really pointing out is that, when you use
this process, you will bring a lot more to the table than ust physical looks,
because, you will automatically appear to be a hundred times more
attractive to him.
No longer will you be stuck with those old, boring and sometimes la6y
conversations. No longer will you feel confused about whether you-re
saying the right thing, or not. And the best part is this @ 0ou won-t have to
make any attempts to impress or woo him, it will all happen automatically,
once you put this formula into action.

&he moving target method #
5en like to be and feel in control. 'owever, when they are shown that
maybe they don-t control something completelyD it makes them try really
hard, to get control of that thing as fast as possible.
#o what am $ talking about here) 4ell, $-m talking about giving him access
to you or your life. $f you give up all the goods, and give him complete
access to your life, he might not be that interested after a while.
'owever, if you show him that you-re a moving target, and he does have a
little bit of you but doesn-t have complete control over you, it will keep him
in the pursuit mode, and you will automatically be seen as this woman he
ust can-t let go.
#o, the moving target method is exactly as the name suggests. 0ou act
like a moving target, and confuse the hell out of him.
5en want to compete and they want to win. 4hy do you think so many
guys go to a gym and work extremely hard to build muscles) 4hy do they
dream to make a lot of money, and desire to do big things)
4ell, they do it because in their mind they believe, that if they can have
those things, then they would have enough proof to show everyone else
that they-re worth something, and that they-re high &uality. 5ost of all,
they want this approval from the opposite sex.
'ere is how a man-s mind works @ $f your company makes him feel a
weird sense of tension in his mind, his level of interest in you will be high
at all times. The tension $-m referring to is the tension where he doesn-t
exactly know, if he completely has you or not.
$ learned this trick because $ personally experienced it myself many years
ago. There was a girl in my life who used this very trick on me, and made
me chase her around like cra6y, even though, $ wasn-t the kind who used
to chase.
0ou see, on some days she would talk to me for hours on the phone, and
shower me with a lot of attention, while the very next day she would act
completely dry and very busy.
#he did the same thing when we would go out as well, on certain days she
showed a lot of interest in me and gave me the impression that she is
really into me, while on other days she acted so cold that it seemed like
she wasn-t into me at all.
'onestly speaking, this drove me absolutely nuts, and $ ust couldn-t keep
her out of my mind. %very time $ felt like $ captured her, she would do
something which showed me that $-m still miles away from my target. $n
other words, she was a moving target.
This is exactly what you need to do as well, because when you act like a
moving target, your man won-t know if he has you or not. This will
indirectly make him work really hard to win your love.
'ere is how the process works @
0tep 1 ?ive him a lot o' attention at 'irst.
0tep % Do the e!act opposite o' step 1.
0es, this is all there is to it. At first you give him a lot of attention and after
a while, you must implement step = and do the exact opposite of step >,
which is to act aloof and even a little disinterested.
4hen you don-t follow a set pattern, and show some interest and
withdraw later, it will do = really good things for you(
1# It will con'use him
0es, it will confuse him a lot and that is very good. 4hy am $ saying that
it-s good) 4ell, it-s good because as long as a man can-t figure you or your
actions, his interest in you will remain sky high.
0ou will observe, that the primary reason why most men get disinterested
in the same woman they used to love dearly, is because, she was little too
predictable and there was nothing exciting left in the relationship. #o it
becomes all the more important to use this process.
% 5e will 'eel lie you<re running away 'rom him
4hat is the common human reaction when we know that someone is
trying to run away from us) 4e naturally try to make them like us, even if
it means trying everything in our power to convince them.
#omething similar happens in a man-s world, when you act hot and cold.
8irst he will try to figure out why you-re acting hot and cold, but when he
can-t put a finger on why you-re doing it, you will witness him going that
extra mile to ensure that you don-t run away from him. This all sounds a
little weird, but the interesting part is that it works. 5aybe, a little too
well.

&he mouse and cheese method,
This method applies basically to relationship situations, although, it can
work during the early dating phases as well, in certain situations.
After reading the title, you must be wondering, why am $ calling it the
mouse and cheese method. 4ell, $ call it that because the point $-m about
to make very closely relates to how to a mouse goes after cheese.
+uring various situations in a relationship, you are going to encounter
many ups and downsD some of those downs will involve your man
completely withdrawing from you, without any rhyme or reason.
These are the times when you can use the mouse and cheese method to
your advantage. 0ou see, when a man withdraws, most women freak out
and push themselves towards the man to stop him from withdrawing.
4hat happens when a woman does this) 4ell, it makes the man withdraw
even further, and things get a lot more complicated. 0ou see, think of it
like feeding a mouse some cheese, when the mouse has eaten enough
cheese, his stomach is full and he isn-t in need of any more cheese.
'owever, no matter what amount of cheese you keep in front of him now,
he isn-t going to eat and you can-t force it down his mouth either, as he
will ust run away.
#o, the secret is to dangle the cheese in front of his face, and wait for him
to get hungry again. 1lus, here is the twist @ $nstead of ust offering the
cheese to him when he is ready to eat, you pull it back a little and make
the mouse travel a little longer to get to it.
#imilarly, when you are dealing with a man who is trying to withdraw,
instead of chasing after him, you should hold your ground and even move
a few steps back. Then, you must wait for him to be hungry once again
and let him come to you.
'ere is how the process works(
0tep 1 ;hen he withdraws" hold your ground instead o' chasing
him.
0tep % Dangle the cheese in 'ront o' him and wait 'or him to *e
hungry again.
0tep ( ;hen he returns show him what he was missing.
$ hope you already understand the first step since we-ve discussed that in
detail and also the second step, that instead of chasing after him, you
should hold your ground and wait for him to come back to you.
#o now, let me explain the ;
rd
step. Ence you-ve held your ground and
dangled the cheese in front of him, eventually he will be hungry again,
and will come for the cheese. This is the time when you must show him
what he was missing out on, rather than making him feel guilty for leaving
in the first place.
0ou see, when a man withdraws, you obviously feel a lot of pain and
heartache. A common and usual response for most women is to show the
man how much he hurt them, by withdrawing. #o most women would
argue, &uestion, or blame the guy for having withdrawn in the first place.
This is a very common and in fact a very costly mistake. 4hy you ask)
4ell simply because when the guy left you, he was probably feeling
emotionally overwhelmed, and in order to come back to a position of
neutrality, he took some space.
"ut, when you attack him on return, you are indirectly overwhelming him
again, and in his mind he will think that it was right for him to take space
and withdraw. $n fact, you will witness that he withdraws more and more
with time if you operate this way around him.
This is why instead of fighting against it, you should act completely calm,
and be very welcoming when he comes back. $ know this sounds very
strange, but do you know that men are desperately in need of someone
who would understand their needs, and would cater to it the right way)
0ou see, when you act completely calm, you indirectly let him know that
you care for him needs and aren-t going to blame him for anything. $n
other words, you end up creating a very positive experience on return,
which will make him feel a lot more comfortable, and a lot more connected
to you in the long run.
4hen you operate this way, you will observe that over time, your man is
not withdrawing like he used to in the past.
&he unconditional respect method
This one has always been a difficult subect, to explain the right way.
1artly because, many women do not accept the concept of unconditional
respect. That-s usually becauseD they believe their man doesn-t deserve it.
4ell, before you lead to any conclusions of your own, let me explain why $
call this method the unconditional respect method.
$ don-t know if you are already aware, but to a man, respect is the single
most important thing. 8ar more important than, being liked or loved. $f
given a choice between being loved and being respected, a man would
choose being respected every single time.
%very man has a very strong inner desire to be respected, and
acknowledged by a woman. "ecause, the moment he recogni6es that you
acknowledge his efforts, and respect him, he will respond with love in
return.
4hen a man feels disrespected, his attraction, attention and desire for you
will tank. 'owever, the odd part is that a man, will never make this
obvious to you by verbali6ing the fact that he is feeling disrespected,
rather, he will ust withdraw.
#o how can you even know when a man is feeling disrespected) 4ell, this
is a tricky one, but there are certain things women do which make a man
feel disrespected, things like(
/ Trying to prove him wrong by arguing a point.
/ 8inding flaws in him.
/ Nagging him for something he didn-t do.
/ 1ointing out what he lacks either knowingly or
unknowingly.
/ Comparing him with other men.
These things usually happen because some women are ust too focused
on a man-s actions, rather than who he truly is. 0ou see, a man doesn-t
want you to praise his actions aloneD he wants you to appreciate and
respect him as a man.
"ecause, if you can show or prove to him that you respect him
unconditionally, he will shower you will so much love and attention, that
you won-t be able to handle it.
#o how do you do it and show him unconditional respect) 'ere is the
process(
0tep 1 ?ive him ver*al proo'.
0tep % ?ive him physical proo'.
0tep ( Repeat the process 'rom time to time.

#o what do $ mean when $ say verbal proof) 4ell, it means what it says @
0ou basically have to verbally say something, which makes your man feel
that he is respected. $t could be something as small as @ *'oney, $ really
appreciate you as a person, $-m glad to have you in my life,.
5ost women don-t know this, but even this much, will do wonders to your
relationship. The second step is to give him physical proof. This could
mean giving him a gentle hug or a kiss, when he does something helpful
for you.
0ou see, when you give verbal and physical feedback, you are indirectly
training him to do more nice things for you, which brings me, to the final
step which is @ 2epeat this from time to time.
$-d rather say, do something or say something which makes your man feel
that you respect him almost daily, and then see how his level of desire for
you soars.

Instinct trigger method
+o you believe that men really have big egos) A lot of women come to
me, and tell me that their husband or boyfriend has such a big ego, that
it-s ust impossible for them to win.
And, before they even tell me the rest, $ stop them right there and tell
them something very simple @ 4hy are you even trying to win) A
relationship isn-t supposed to be a battle, and you should never ever
compete with a man. 0ou know why) "ecause, even if you do end up
winning, you would lose in the long run.
0ou see, men were born to be protectors, and caretakers of their family.
4hen you take him out of that role, and try to put yourself in that role, he
will see it as a huge problem.
There is a very easy solution for this @ 5en have a natural instinct to
protect the woman they love. They come with all these tools already pre/
installed in their heads. #o as a woman, all you really need to do is to flip
a switch, and awaken this protector instinct in his head.
"ut now, the big &uestion is @ 'ow do you do it)
4ell, men respond emotionally when a woman displays the feminine side
to herself, in other words, when you expose the softer side to you, he will
automatically assume the role of a protector, and will do anything in his
power to help you.
A woman once came to me with a very common issue, her boyfriend
never used to spend enough time with her. #he tried talking to him but it
seemed like whatever she said, was going over his head. As she started to
grow more and more resentful because of her boyfriend-s actions, she
turned bitter and started arguing with him.
This happened for &uite some time, before she finally approached me
trying to seek a solution. $ could clearly see what the problem was. $
explained to her, that there was no possible way she could force or push
her boyfriend, into spending more time with her, however, this is exactly
what she was doing all this time.
The biggest mistake was arguing with him, because, the moment a
woman does that, she is indirectly trying to compete with her man, and as
we-ve already established / you should never ever try to compete with a
man, as it will only work against you in the long term.
#o next, $ gave her a very simple solution, $ asked her to appeal to his
protector instincts by being more feminine. $ gave her a simple line and
asked her to say it to her boyfriend that evening.
'ere is what she said @ *$ understand that you work really hard due to
which, you can-t spend enough time with me, but $ ust want you to know
that you make me feel really safe and loved, when you-re around me.,
And then she learned forward, and gave him a tight hug.
#o, what do you think happened next) 'e instantly assured her, that he
would do his best, to ensure he leaves a little early from work, to spend
time with her. 1lus, sure enough that-s exactly what he started to do, from
the very next day.
'ow could something so simple, work so well)
4ell, this worked because my client triggered the protector instinct already
present within her man. $n fact, you can see examples of this all around
you.
'ave you ever been in a situation where a woman was carrying many
shopping bags, and was struggling, when suddenly, a random man
approached her offering to carry it for her)
4hy is he doing that) 4hy don-t other women come to the rescue and
offer to help as much as men do) 4ell, simply because, men already have
this present inside them, and it-s impossible to take this out of them.
Therefore, the good news is that you can use this protective instinct they
already have, to your advantage.
$-m sure you are well aware of the masculine and feminine avatars. $n
short, men instinctively react emotionally, when a female displays certain
feminine traits. The process on how to do this might sound a little weird
however, it does work really well.
$n order to appeal to his protective instinct, there are only = things you
need to do(
1# +ut him in the position o' a protector.
%# Reward him with 'ollow up praise.
5en secretly fantasi6e about being your hero, and trust me on this,
because $-m not making this up. 4e all secretly want to be praised, liked,
and well respect by women. 4e would go completely cra6y and do even
stupid things, as long as you tell us that it makes you feel good.
"ut why would any guy in his right mind, do stupid things) 4ell, he does it
because in return, it makes him feel good as well. Therefore, it-s a win/win
situation.
"ut, how do you put him in the position of a protector) 0ou do it by asking
him to guide or help you with something. 5en are natural fixers, and feel
a sense of power when they are asked for their guidance and support.
$t could be something as simple as asking him to help you with a certain
issue, and actively listening to his feedback, and even acting on it.
Then comes the all important step, number two. Next, you verbally or
non/verbally thank him for his support. $t could be something as simple as
saying thank you and letting him know how much you appreciate it, or
gently touching his hand, giving him a hug or even a peck on the cheek.
As long as he is getting active feedback that his action produced great
results for you, he is going to feel absolutely ama6ing, and will
subconsciously do more things to please you over time.
Alright, you discovered &uite a few formulas in this section. "ut, how can
you know exactly how to use one, or a mix of these formulas, the right
way in your life) $ mean, there is a very good possibility that you might
over/do it.
This is why, you must know about the sweet spot of desire, and its
significance. 5ove to the next section and let-s get right to it(
Chapter 4 5itting the sweet spot o' desire.
$-m going to start this section with a little rant, a rant about popular
maga6ines, and Tv shows. 'onestly, $ believe they spread useless advice.
The issue is that, since these maga6ines, and T9 shows have a huge fan
base, they still get more than enough eye balls. 4hen you have enough
readers or viewers, it-s automatically assumed, that the message being
broadcasted, must be true.
The most awful advice $-ve ever come across is this @ +ress well, get your
life in order, and present your best self to a man. $f things work out well,
you may live happily ever after and if it doesn-t work out, then don-t blame
yourself, it was the man-s fault anyway.
Ene of my clients was a huge fan of popular T9 shows, and used to
literally follow the advice these shows gave to the T. 'owever, every single
time she used this advice, she used to find herself struggling with the
same &uestion that, millions of other women who watch these T9 shows
struggle with as well and that is @ $ did everything properly, so why don-t $
have the result $ wanted)
This client of mine was actively looking for a potential partner, and used to
go on weekly dates. #he was meeting a new man almost every week, but
since she was following popular advice, she was rather using these dates
as a testing ground, to put all the advice into action.
8urthermore, this is where she told me about, all her frustrating
experiences. #he learned from a popular T9 show, that in order to keep a
man interested beyond the first date, you should hold back a little, and not
show too much interest early on. 4ell, she did that with a few guys, but
none of them were interested in a second date with her.
The other piece of advice she received, was that if you dress well enough,
put your best foot forward, and let your true inner self shine somehow, it
will automatically impress the guy, and he will start liking you. "ut once
again, she did all this and a lot more, and still no luck.
$n fact, this is the all too common story of millions of women, across the
world. There are only two basic pieces of advice they usually receive from
these so called T9 shows, the first one is @ 0ou must try to impress the
guy by being yourself, and he will magically start to like you.
And the other piece of advice is @ 0ou should never ever chase a guy, and
let him chase you.
$-m in strong disagreement with the first part, but slightly agree with the
second. 'owever, there is a still a huge part missing.
4hat $-m going to share with you today is the missing factor, and will help
you link all the pieces of the pu66le together. 8rom this point on, you-ll
finally understand exactly how attraction works in a man-s world.
5y client actually made a mistake, and she had no clue what she was
doing. 0ou see, the issue wasn-t that the men she was going out with
didn-t like her, and didn-t want another date with her. $n fact, they would
have loved to take her out againD but the issue was that she made it all,
really hard for herself.
'ow) 0ou ask.
4ell, she did everything in extremes, in other words, when she decided
that she was going to take it easy, and not show a lot of interest early on,
it probably made the man feel, that maybe she isn-t really interested in
him. #o conse&uently, he didn-t make any efforts from his end either.
And, in the other case, when she tried to impress the guy, it made the
man feel that she was coming on a little too strong, which made him back
off a little.
!ust playing it cool or acting uninterested isn-t enough, at the same time
trying to impress him, isn-t enough either. 0ou need to hit the sweet spot
of desire in his mind.
The sweet spot is the place, where a man feels ust the right amount of
attraction for you, which keeps him interested in you.
$-m sure you know that feeling where, you have an intuitive knowing, that
everything is right and it-s a good idea to progress things to the next level)
$t-s that inner knowing where you somehow know, that the first date could
turn into many more wonderful dates, and you feel a slight inner urge to
go out with this person again.
This is how a guy would feel around you, when you have hit his sweet
spot of desire. 3et me break it down even more for you now, and explain
the formula in detail. There are basically two main points to keep in
mind(
1 I' you show too much interest" you will come across as needy.
% I' you act too distant and uninterested" then he will 'eel a
little overwhelmed" and won<t *other to pursue you.
"oth the points are e&ually important, because usually women mess up
with one or both. #howing too much interest in a guy, will obviously make
him see you as needy, but showing little to no interest is not right either,
as it will make him feel that you are beyond his reach, thus, he won-t try
at all.
No one really discusses this point, because many don-t really understand
this. The amount of interest you show in a guy has to be ust right, which
will give him the indication that you-re interested and at the same time,
gives him the indication that he might have to pursue you a little, to finally
attain you.
"ut the keyword again is *a little, and not *a lot,. "ecause if you pull back
too much and play really hard to get, then he will feel overwhelmed and
not bother to pursue you at all.
#o in a nutshell, you need to maintain a good level of balance between
pushing him and pulling him towards you. $t is the same as eating your
favorite kind of ice cream. $f you eat too little, you will still crave more,
however, if you eat a lot then you will find yourself feeling a little too full.
The key is to eat ust the right amount, which satisfies your taste buds,
and at the same time doesn-t overwhelm you. #imilarly, with any man, you
need to show the right amount of interest, and mix it up with the right
amount of disinterest. 4hen you get it right, you will hit his sweet spot of
desire and things will become much easier from that point.
#ince we have covered the techni&ues and core concepts, let-s branch out
into different concepts. $n the next section, you will discover the easiest
and the perfect method, to read any man-s mind almost instantly.














Chapter 6 &he per'ect method to read his mind.
Cheryl asks her boyfriend @ *+o you love me),
Ef course honey, why would you think otherwise) 'e replied.
*EhG $ didn-t mean to doubt youD it-s ust that sometimes, $ don-t feel
loved. 5aybe it-s ust me, $ don-t know. *
And then she goes online, and begins to search things like @ *'ow to know
if your man loves you,, *+oes he love me,, *'ow to know if a man loves
you),
After a few hours of intensive searching, she still didn-t get a good enough
answer. #o next, she gets on the phone with one of her girlfriends, and
pours out all her thoughts and feelings about her boyfriend, only to find
out, that it-s been several hours, and she is still swimming in the pool of
confusion.
*5en aren-t verbal as much as women are, you can never know what-s
going on in his mind, men ust can-t be open, @ These are only a few of
the things, $ hear from women, on a daily basis.
4ell, there is some truth to it, so / 0es, it-s not easy for a man to open up,
yes he might never talk in clear terms, and tell you exactly how he is
feeling, but as a woman you can definitely figure out it without any hard
work as long as you know how to read his mind.
4hy am $ saying that you won-t have to work hard) 4ell, because you
wouldn-t. The process $-ll share cuts your work by almost half and
sometimes even more.
"ut before $ ump into how it all works, $ need to explain ; really
important reasons why you absolutely need to learn this, and what you
will gain in the long run(
Reason :1 )ou will *e a*le to tell when he is lying
Now, is this a big one or what) 'ow often have you found yourself
struggling to figure out whether your man is really telling you the truth, or
is being his old sneaky self, and trying to lie to you)
$n addition, $-m not ust referring to big lies, $-m also referring to the small
little *harmless, lies that he tells you on a day to day basis. 0ou would be
able to tell with almost crystal clarity, when he is making things up vs.
when he is actually being genuine.
There is definitely a big plus to this, but there is also something negative,
you might discover things about him that you probably don-t like or even
disagree with. 'owever, in the bigger scheme of things, it will all benefit
you.
Reason :% )ou will now e!actly what he needs or e!pects
'rom you every single time
%ver had a situation where you ust couldn-t exactly decipher what your
man expected, or needed from you) +id you spend infinite hours, asking
him over and over again, only to feel frustrated when he gave you mixed
answers or worse, no answers)
4ell, that will all completely end for you today as you-ll now be able to
figure out his most secret wishes and desires without having to push him.
Reason :( )ou will *e a*le to 'igure it all out even i' he says
nothing to you
Now, you might be thinking @ Alright, now this is getting to be a little too
out there, and maybe even unrealistic. 'ow is it possible to know what a
man is thinking, when he won-t tell you anything)
4ell, $-ll show you how to read beyond his words. After following this
process, you will find yourself in a situation, where you won-t need him to
talk or even tell you something, you will ust intuitively know exactly what
he is feeling or going through.
4hat you will learn in this chapter, will show you exactly how to read a
guys mind, with near perfect accuracy, every single time. $ know it-s a
pretty bold claim, but the process $-m about to describe will definitely
exceed your expectations.
$ hope you-re excited, because $ definitely am. #o, what is this formula,
and how does it work)
$ call this formula the *2everse action test,. $n short, reverse action test
means that you will first look at a guy-s action, and then focus on what he
said. $f what he is saying doesn-t match with what he is doing, then he is
lying to you. 1lus, the truth is in his actions, not his words.
#o, to go even more deep with this, there are basically two levels of
communication, the first is the verbal, and the second is non/verbal
communication. The verbal communication is surface level, and the non/
verbal is the underlying message which contains the truth.
5ost women focus on verbal communication, and feel that if a guy says
something, it must be true. 'owever, then they also find themselves a
little confused, when he does the exact opposite of what he said he would
do. #o once again, the truth is in the non/verbal communication.
The secret is very simple, when a man says one thing and does something
completely different. 'is true intent is in his actions, which also means
that, the truth is in the actions.
'ere is an interesting story which illustrates this exact point(
*4hy were you flirting with her), Asked #ally.
*$ wasn-t flirting honey, $ was ust having a fun chat with her, that-s all.,
#aid, Andrew.
*0ou were definitely flirting, $ could clearly see you doing it,. %xclaimed
#ally, feeling very agitated.
Andrew, came a little close to #ally and said @ *3isten, honey. 0ou are my
womanD you know that $ love you right), #he hesitantly looked at him and
said yes, $ know.
"ut, something inside her was still telling her, he was lying. $t was like she
intuitively knewD something was off about what he was saying. "ut, she
couldn-t &uite point out why she was having these mixed feelings.
A few days passed by, and she was due to meet up with Andrew for
dinner. 4hile they were sitting on the table, she was trying to talk, while
Andrew was busy playing around with his phone, and texting back and
forth.
At first, sally tried to ignore this, but when it looked like Andrew was
paying more attention to his phone rather than her, she angrily asked him
@ *+id you come here on a date with me, or your phone) Can-t you ust
put it off for a minute) $-m trying to have a conversation here.,
*#ure, babe., $-m sorry said Andrew.
'e tried to speak to her for a few minutes, but again, picked up his phone,
and started texting back and forth. *4ho is it, @ Asked #ally) Eh it-s no
one special, ust this girl $ met recently.
0ou met a girl asked #ally) 2eally) 4hich girl)
*Eh nothing special, !ust a friend., #aid Andrew.
!ust a friend) Asked #ally)
0ehG #he-s ust a friend "abe, said Andrew.
*4ell, if she-s ust a friend, why are you spending so much time on this
friend. $ bet this friend must be really special, isn-t it), #aid #ally.
*Ahh, are you doubting me again hun) 0ou are the love of my life, and $
shouldn-t have to prove it to you all the time. 0ou should know it by now
said Andrew.,
*4ell, you say you love me, but it doesn-t feel like it to me, you keep
flirting with other women, even when you claim to love me. 1lus, you are
going around meeting new women all the time. 4hat should $ make of
this), Asked #ally.
*4ell, don-t you have guy friends) !ust like you speak to your guy friends,
why can-t $ have other girls as friends), Asked Andrew.
*3ook Andrew, $-m fine with this and you have as many friends as you
want, girls or guys, $ don-t care. "ut this doesn-t look like a situation,
where she-s ust a friend, how many times have you met her, can $ see
your phone), Asked #ally.
*0ou are doubting me 'un aren-t you) $t looks like you don-t trust me.,
#aid Andrew.
8earing that the situation is about to get out of control, #ally gained some
of her composure back, and told Andrew to drop the subect altogether.
3ater that evening, he kept telling #ally how much he loved her, and how
she was the only girl in his life.
After enough hard work, he convinced #ally once again, and as usual
things went back to how they always were.
Now, can you see the underlying message in this story)
#ally-s intuition was clearly telling her, that maybe Andrew is cheating on
her, she even saw him flirting with other girls, but ust because he kept on
saying that he loved her, she ignored everything else, and believed his
words.
This was a huge mistake, because his actions were clearly telling a
different story. A man is telling you the truth only when his actions match
his words, to a very large degree. 4hen there is a conflict between his
words, and actions, then he is definitely lying to you, and in order to know
the truth, ust focus on his actions.
$n this story, the truth was that Andrew didn-t really love sally. 'e was only
saying it to keep her around, while he went out, and actively flirted with
other women.
'ave you ever found yourself in such a situation as well) 4ell, if you have,
then always make sure that you focus on a man-s actions, and not his
words. %ven when, his words appear to be very convincing.
Never ever give a guy the benefit of the doubt, when his actions are going
east while his words are going in the western direction.
"ut now the other big &uestion is @ 4hat if his actions are confusing too)
4hat if he does one thing, and then does the complete opposite of that
thing the next day) 'ere is a good example @
3et-s say you are dating a guy who clearly tells you that he doesn-t want a
relationship, and wants to keep it all casual for the time being. 0ou spend
a lot of great time with this person, and everything seems to be working
fine.
"ut, there is one problem. %ven though this guy isn-t your boyfriend, he
somehow acts like he is. 'e introduces you to his family, acts overly
protective of you, is always around when you need him, and makes it
appear like you are his girlfriend, because he gets ealous when you pay
attention to or talk to other guys.
'owever, when you call him out on it, he completely changes his actions,
and takes a few steps back. $n other words, he starts to act indifferent for
a few days, but eventually comes back to his normal routine, and makes
you feel like you-re his girlfriend all over again.
4hat does one do in such a case) 4ell, if you are dealing with such a
case, then you are dealing with what-s called a confused man. 0ou know,
sometimes men can-t make up their minds, and during such a situation,
they might say they want one thing, but later on reali6e that they want
something completely different.
This is true in cases where a man wanted things to remain casual for the
first few weeks, but once he reali6es how ama6ing you are and how much
fun he is having around you, he might unconsciously feel the desire to
stay around you as much as possible, and this is where he starts treating
you like a girlfriend.
"ut you see, this doesn-t mean you are his girlfriend. This is where the
confusing part, gets even more confusing. !ust because he treats you like
his girlfriend, doesn-t exactly mean, that you are his girlfriend. And, even if
he treats you like one, he will struggle to make a verbal commitment to it.
#o in such a case, you must go in the reverse order, which means you
match his actions to his words. $f he is treating you like a girlfriend, but
never tells you that you are his girlfriend, then, believe what he is saying.
$ know this sort of goes completely against everything $ taught you in this
section, but when a man clearly tells you that he doesn-t see a future with
you, or he isn-t ready for a relationship right now, the underlying message
is @ *$ am not ready for a relationship with you right now, doesn-t mean $
won-t change my mind about it, but for now, this is how things are going
to be.,
Now it-s time to discuss the foundation of male emotions vs. female
emotions. The next section is going to clear a lot of doubts you have
about men and their emotional world.

Chapter 7 @en have a small emotional tan.
*4hy won-t you tell me how you really feel about me) +o you love me) $f
you love me, how much do you love me),
'ave you ever had a situation where you asked your man an emotionally
charged &uestion, and he struggled to answer) 'ave you ever had to
experience what $ call / the one word horror, where a man never gives you
details, but keeps answering your &uestions by giving really weird, one
word responses)
5oreover, did you find yourself getting more and more bothered, because
he will never get into details and avoids an emotionally charged
conversation completely)
4hat-s going on here)
4hy do men do this, and are all men like this) 4ell, the truth can be
found in how men are designed. There are ; really important things you
need to know about men(

&hing :1 @en have a smaller emotion tan in comparison to
women.
%motion tank) 4hat the heck is an emotion tank, you must be wondering.
4ell, ust like every car has a gas tank, every man has what $ refer to as
an emotion tank. This is a place in his head which manages emotions, and
anything related to emotions.
"ut, here is the interesting bit @ we all know that the bigger the car, the
bigger the gas tank is going to be. "ut in the case of a man, it-s extremely
small in comparison to a woman. As a woman / you have the capacity to
manage endless series, and varieties of emotions, at any given point.
4hereas, a man can-t even come close to what a woman is capable of,
when it comes to handling emotionally charged situations. #o in a nutshell,
your emotion tank is at least ><< times bigger than that of a man-s.
The fact is that, we ust come from the factory this way and since we only
have a very tiny emotion tank, we struggle to deal with emotionally
charged &uestions, and situations. 'owever, since you-re a female, you
can do a lot more, and a lot better than us.
#ince we have a tiny tank, we can-t manage anything even remotely close
to what you can manage and this should explain why, so many men are
emotionally closed off, avoid confrontations, and don-t like giving details,
and prefer to keep everything short and simple. "ut there is another
problem with this, which brings me to thing number =.

&hing :% @en use space as a tool to empty their tan when it<s
'ull.
'ave you ever seen a man running for the hills, the moment, he fears
emotional confrontation with a woman) 4hy is that) 4ell, in the woman-s
world, when she is curious about something, she feels a huge surge of
emotions in her body that force her to seek more details or answers from
a man.
"ut in the man-s world, a completely different set of things is taking place.
As you confront him, his tank of emotions is overflowing, and it-s getting
to a point where he can-t handle it because he doesn-t have the same
capacity as you do.
#o, to protect himself from any more overflows, he pulls back, and takes
some space. This is the only way for him to empty his tank and bring it
back to normal levels again.
This is another reason why, you should always let a man have his space
when he needs it, because as long as his emotion tank is overflowing, he
will remain agitated, uncomfortable and disturbed around you. 'e needs
to empty this tank to come back to the comfort mode, and this is why
space is really important to a man.
Another example which illustrates this very point is when a man is dealing
with a pressing issue at work. No matter how many times or how much
you ask him about it, he ust won-t discuss it with you, nor would he give
you any details.
4hy is that) 4ell, it-s really simple. 4hen he dealt with that issue, he had
to encounter a huge surge of nasty emotions which have filled up his tank
to its max capacity, and to a point where it-s overflowing again.
#o, the only way for him to empty this tank is to either take space, or
distract himself by watching T9 or doing some other activity around the
house. 5en use distraction as a way to focus away from the problem,
because as long as they focus on the problem, they keep feeling a heavy
flow of negative emotions which they can-t handle. #o their only hope is to
avoid it completely, and this brings me to our ;
rd
thing(

&hing :( .ever stop him when he needs space.
#pace is the same as oxygen in a man-s world. 4hen he drowning in the
pool of heavy emotions, he struggles to breathe, and needs to escape as
fast as possible. $n such a scenario, space is like oxygen to him and he
desperately needs it.
$f you disturb this process, or try to push him harder, when he is in a
desperate need for space, then you will turn yourself into his enemy. 'e
might even start disliking you unconsciously.
#ounds too weird right) 4ell ust try to think of it from his point of view @
3et-s say you don-t know how to swim, and you are drowning in a
swimming pool. 4hat-s the only thing you-re thinking about at that point)
0ou desperately need oxygen, that-s the only thought in your head. 0ou
ust want someone to drag you out of the water, and help you breathe
freely again.
Now, imagine that while you are struggling to breathe, a man comes over,
looks at you and asks you random &uestions. Are you in a position to
answer) Absolutely not. #o, what do you expect from that person)
0ou expect that person to rescue you, and help you get out of the pool as
fast as possible. #imilarly, a man expects you to let him have his space,
when he is drowning in the pool of emotions. 'e needs space to finally
feel at ease, and if you do anything to make it difficult for him, he will hate
you for it.
Therefore, since you know that men have a smaller capacity to manage
emotions in comparison to women, and need space to empty their
emotion tank, you must understand why $-m putting so much emphasis on
this.
'owever, here are a few more reasons you must take into account(
Reason :1 A man will 'eel cared 'or when you address his
needs,
Riving him space, when he needs it the most is like, rescuing him from
drowning. Not only will he absolutely love you for it, he will also feel very
cared for. Now, ust try to understand how powerful this really is.
4hen you understand this / you automatically make yourself absolutely
uni&ue in a man-s eyes, because, no woman out there gets this process
the right way. There are very few women on this planet, who even
understand this, let alone practice it.
Therefore, as you use this process over time, not only will your man feel a
strong desire to return the favor, and cater to your needs in the best
possible way he can, he will also see you as a source of positive feelings
and will feel a sense of comfort around you, which is irreplaceable. $-ll talk
more about this in the coming sections.
Reason :% )our *ond with him will grow stronger with time,
$ can-t even tell you how many women ask me this &uestion @ *'ow do $
make him love me more) 'e used to be attracted to me in the past, but
now, is literally bored and even a little annoyed by me.,
4ell, he isn-t annoyed by youD he is rather annoyed by what you do
around him. 0our actions can make a man literally worship you, or they
can make him absolutely hate you. Therefore, when you let him have his
space, you send out a completely different message.
$n his mind, he thinks @ *4owG #he is letting me have my own time and
isn-t bothering me. $ am glad she understands my situation like no woman
ever did in the past.,
And when he is emotionally calm, he will come back to you with twice the
intensity, and twice the attraction than ever before.
Reason :( 0ecure is se!y to men,
4hen you let him have his space, you also demonstrate that you are
completely secure and can handle your own emotions pretty well. 0ou are
letting him know that you-d love for him to be around, but if he is in need
of space, then he is free to have it.
Now, you might not know this, but this is really sexy to a man. 'e won-t
be able to help but feel attraction for you, as long as you operate this way.
0ou will automatically stand head and shoulders above the maority of
women on this planet, because the rest don-t get this, and since you do, a
man will do anything to keep you in his life for as long as possible.
#o now that you understand the ; main reasons why it-s beneficial to
know this, so now, let me walk you through the exact formula on how to
put this into use, in your daily dealings with a man. This process consists
of ; very simple steps(
0tep 1 0tudy his actions.
0tep % # $er*al declaration.
0tep ( ;ait 'or him to mae the ne!t move.

0tep 1 0tudy his actions
4hen a man is struggling emotionally or is dealing with a pressing issue,
he will give you very clear clues that he is dying to have some space.
.sually, women don-t read these clues the right way, or assume that
maybe he needs more details, or needs you to talk more, when the reality
is completely different.
#o, let me give you the easiest way to know when to leave him alone and
let him have his time. 4hen you are trying to ask him a &uestion, or are
trying to raise an issue, and can intuitively feel that he is sort of distant
and aloof, then this is a clear sign that he is asking for space.
$n other words, when you feel that a man is trying to pull away a little,
and you find yourself trying a little bit too hard to get through to him, it
means that he is letting you know indirectly, that he wants you to leave
him alone for the time being, and that-s exactly what you should do in that
specific situation.

0tep % $er*al declaration
This step not only helps you with the first step, but it also makes you look
really secure, and comfortable in your own skin. 4hich we already know,
is something men absolutely desire in a woman.
#o with this step, you verbally tell him that you can sense that something
isn-t right or something is bothering him, and you are going to let give him
some space, for the time being. At the same time, you will let him know
that you are there whenever he is ready to come back.
'ere is a good example @
*!ohn, $ can sense that something is a little off between us, therefore, $-ll
ust leave you alone for the time being. 1lease know that $-m here if you
need to talk about anything.,
And, this is all you really need to say. Ence again, this is ust a small
example and a pretty general one. $ am sure, you can come up with more
creative ways, to match your situation.

0tep ( ;ait 'or him to mae the ne!t move.
This is where the rubber meets the road. 4hen you have finished the first
and the second steps, you should not make any other move beyond that.
2ather, your ob now, is to wait for him to make the next move.
+on-t contact him unless he contacts you first, and don-t talk to him,
unless he comes to have the talk with you.
0ou must be thinking @ 4hat if he takes a lot of time or what if he doesn-t
come back at all)
4ell, we will discuss what you should do when he completely disappears
in some of the coming sections, but right now, let-s look at what if he
takes a lot of time to come back.
0ou already know that men have a lower emotional capacity, which also
means that they get emotionally charged up, pretty fast. $n other words, a
man-s emotion tank can fill up to its full capacity within a very short
amount of time, while it can take him many days for him to empty it, and
bring it back to level 6ero.
#o, conse&uently, you can-t expect him to get back to you right away, and
as usual, ust like everything else, there are exceptions to this rule as well.
+ifferent men re&uire different time frames to empty their tanks, some are
fast, and some exceptionally slow. #ome men are &uick to recover, while
others take some time. "ut the rule of the thumb is to give him enough
time and let him come to you first.
Ekay, since now you understand why it-s important to give a man space,
and how to do it, $ wish to take this a little further, and want to address
some common obstacles women encounter, when dealing with the issue of
emotions and men.
A*stacle :1 Assuming that he thins lie a woman
+on-t worry if you-ve been guilty of this, $ mean we all see the world from
our own point of view and oftentimes, we tend to proect our own beliefs
on to others, even when it comes to dating or relationships.
Although it doesn-t sound like a surprise but, the reality is that, men aren-t
like women. $ know it sounds overly simplistic, and there is absolutely
nothing new in this statement, but knowing versus understanding
something, are two completely different things.
5ost women know that men aren-t like them, yet they expect men to
behave like them. 8or example, when a woman is under stress, her first
reaction is to find someone to talk to. #he finds a sense of calm, when she
has someone, she can share her problems with, because this is her outlet.
'owever, men on the other hand, see talking about a problem as a sign of
weakness. Actuality, they think in extremes and feel that, if someone can-t
solve the issue they-re experiencing, what-s the point of talking about it)
4hy not ust avoid it, and try forgetting about it completely)
Thus they try to distance themselves or distract themselves from the
problem. "ut, when a woman and a man are encountering an issue
together, a woman-s first reaction is to talk it all out, in as much detail as
possible, however, the man wants to avoid the subect altogether and
distract himself.
#o the woman tries her best to ask him emotionally charged &uestions,
hoping to extract some sort of an answer from him, while the man is
sitting on the other side of this and feels that he is under attack and is
being asked to discuss the very issue, he wants to desperately avoid. Can
you see how all this comes together)

A*stacle :% )ou want him to *e e!pressive" while he wants you
to *e calm
5en express through actions, not words. This is so important that $ must
repeat myself @ *5en express through actions, not words.,
4e-ve already discussed that men don-t think like women, and follow a
completely different thinking process. Now, to continue with that same
concept, some women expect their man to be expressive with his
thoughts.
The problem with that is simple @ 5en aren-t good at expressing
themselves, especially with words. They will always say something
confusing or might say completely the wrong thing. #ince men aren-t in
touch with their emotions like women are, it is a lot more difficult for a
man to come to terms with his own emotions and express them.
#o as men, we take the easy route @ 4e express ourselves with our
actions.
'owever, some women still demand answers, therefore in the process,
they press their man harder and harder to express himself. 4hen you do
that, you are overburdening his already small emotion bearing capacity,
and eventually his tank will overflow.
4hen this happens, a man expects you to remain calm instead of pushing
him further. #o when you are attempting to get more details from him, he
is sitting on the other end, expecting calmness from you. "ut since he
doesn-t know how to communicate that to you, he ust won-t answer any
&uestions and try to get some space.
Therefore if you can be calm and let his emotions cool off, he will not only
thank you for it, but now he will see you as the only woman who finally
get him, the way no other woman understood him.
Ekay since now you understand how emotions world in a man-s world,
next, $-d like to show you how communication works in his world. 5ove to
the next section.





Chapter 8 5ow communication wors 'or men,
*4ill you ust get to the point), #aid !ohn, in a slightly annoyed tone.
*The point) 4ell, the point is you are never ready to listen to me, it-s like
you aren-t patient enough anymore., #aid, Annie.
*$f you ust got to the point, our conversations would be more
meaningful., 2eplied, !ohn.
*0ou know what) !ust forget it,, said Annie as she briskly walked out of
the room slamming the door really hard, on her way out.
#ounds like a typical situation huh) 'ow often have you found yourself
trying to talk to a man, only to reali6e that he is 6oned out, and isn-t even
interested in listening to you)
Er worse, he doesn-t care about what you have to say, and keeps on
asking you to get to the bottom line, or say it all in short)
4ell, the problem isn-t with you, nor is it with the man. The main problem
is the unrealistic expectation most women hang on to. +o you know what
these expectations are) $t-s expecting a man to understand things, the
way you understand them. $n other words, it-s expecting your man to
understand you, the way your girlfriends understand you.
8or a man, it-s all about the main goal or the main thing, because men are
completely goal oriented. They think in terms of eventuality. 4omen on
the other hand, are all about the procedure and are a lot more process
oriented.
$n other words, it also means that women are all about the details, the
little things, everything between the lines, while men are all about keeping
it really short.
$ see this difference every single day, when dealing with clients. $ could
ask a man and a woman the same &uestion, and get completely different
answers. No, not different in terms of the content rather the length.
4omen tend to pour in a lot of details, and tend to be more descriptive,
while men speak in very short sentences, and never add any details unless
they are explicitly asked to do so. This also explains why when a group of
women sit togetherD they can talk for hours about any subect. 4hile, if
you observe a group of men on a social outing, you will observe that their
conversations are rather short, and not exactly too descriptive.
This is why it-s all the more important for you, to properly understand how
communication really works in a man-s world. $n fact, let me elaborate this
further, and give you ; main reasons why this is really vital to your success
with men(
1# )ou can<t understand each other when you eep on speaing
two di''erent languages
$ know this sounds a little obvious, however, imagine that you and your
man speak completely different languages, and one can-t understand the
other, at all) 4hat is bound to happen in such a scenario) 0ou will say a
lot, however nothing would ever get through to him, and similarly, he will
say a lot to you and it might not get through to you either.
#o, both of you would be sitting at the opposite corners, fuming with
frustration, trying to wonder why nothing ever goes through. 4hen in
reality, you have to first start speaking a language which will be commonly
understood by both of you, since that-s the only way to get anywhere with
your partner.
8urthermore, that will only happen when you e&uip yourself with the right
set of tools, and properly understand how communication really works in
the male world.
%# I' you don<t mae things easy 'or him" he will unconsciously
mae things hard 'or you
#ounds like a fancy play of words right) 4ell, the reality is that when you
don-t work on understanding his world, you might end up making things a
little difficult for him, and in return he will unconsciously make everything
a lot more difficult for you.
A good example of this is, when he gets angry at your re&uests, 6ones
out, or acts like he isn-t interested in hearing you at all. Now, when such a
thing happens, you could assume that he is ust being difficult. "ut in
reality, you are hitting the standard blocks already present in his mind only
because you don-t understand how things work in his world.
Ence you understand it, everything will start to come together, and
communication with him will become super smooth, and really easy.
(# )ou will *e a*le to get your point across with 199B
accuracy
This is the biggest benefit of understanding his communication style. Ence
you properly understand how communication works for him, you will
discover that he is a lot more attentive, is paying a lot more attention and
is actually following through with your re&uests a lot.
The basic difference between a woman who struggles with her man,
versus a woman who can get him to do almost anything she pleases, is
&uite simple. The woman who succeeds is the one, who-s isn-t bothered to
delve into the details, and learn about the inner workings of the male
world.
Alright, so now that you understand why it-s so important to learn this,
let-s get to the interesting part. There are ; very important distinctions you
need to understand regarding, the male versus female communication
styles(
Distinction 1 @en lie to *e very speci'ic" while women are
general.
5en won-t talk, unless, there is a specific goal or a topic at hand. 'ave
you ever asked a guy to ust talk to you, and found him struggling, or
even asking you &uestions like / 4hat do you need to talk about)
4hile, if a group of women sit together, they can ust talk about a variety
of things, without having a specific topic, or goal in mind.
#ince men are goal seekers, they naturally try to find a specific purpose of
every activity they do, which includes communication as well. $-ll tell you
how to use this to your advantage later in this section.
Distinction % @en don<t share many details" *ut only the
important ones" while women try to share as much as possi*le.
+o you know that the male thinking process is often, private and silent) $n
other words, men will never verbali6e the details of their thinking processD
however, they would only verbali6e the end result. $f you discuss a
problem with your man, he will naturally go into this thinking process and
sort of 6one you out.
At that moment it might seem like, he isn-t interested in discussing the
issue at hand with you, but in reality, he can-t think and discuss all the
details with you at the same time. $f you leave him alone during this
process, he will eventually come back to you with a possible solution.
'owever, on the other hand, when a woman discusses about a problem,
she likes to mention all the little to big details about it verbally and
naturally feels the need to verbally address everything.
This is why most women complain about how they can discuss anything
easily with their girlfriends, while they can-t do the same thing, with the
man in their life. The reality is that it-s not really the man-s fault, because,
he is naturally wired to react this way.
Distinction ( -istening passively isn<t easy" since a man is a
natural 'i!er.
'ave you ever wanted for your man to ust sit there, and listen to you, but
somehow he kept on coming up with ideas, solutions or tried to direct you
on what you should do) 5aybe you wanted him to &uietly sit there and
listen to the issues you encountered at work, but he keeps on cutting into
your words, and won-t stop with his suggestions)
0ou see, things work in strange ways in a man-s world. #ince men think
differently, they assume that if you are discussing an issue with them, then
you are doing it because you can-t find a solution to it. That-s when they
make it their responsibility, to find that solution for you and help you with
it.
$n fact, most men feel responsible when you get into such a state, and will
even try to force you a little to give their solutions a try, and report back
on whether it worked for you or not.
Distinction / @en can<t read *etween the lines.
This is more common than you might possibly know at this point. 0ou see,
women are a lot more intuitive than men. They can clearly read between
the lines, and get the idea, except men are the exact opposite of it.
They struggle to read between the lines, and unless they are told exactly
what you need them to understand, they will never get it. $f you aren-t as
specific and concise as possible with a man, then there is a very high
chance, that he might not get the message you are trying to convey, or
might even get the wrong message.
5ost women make the mistake of saying a certain thing and then, expect
the man, to somehow figure out the underlying intent, on his own. The
truth is that he can-t do it on his own and if you expect him, then you will
only confuse him further.
Ekay, so now that you understand the important distinctions, let me
explain how you can use these to your ultimate advantage, and get the
best possible result out of every conversation you have with any man(
$ have developed a formula that you must adhere to during any
conversation with a man. $ call it the *;T, formula. 'ere is how this
formula works(
>/ Tell him what you expect.
=/ Tell him all the specifics.
>/ Tell him the purpose of the conversation.
$ know it sounds overly simplistic, but you will see the power of this, when
you apply it to any conversation with your man. 3et me explain each point
further(
1# &ell him what to e!pect
0ou already know that men think in terms of end goals, and the *"ottom
lines,. $n other words, they want to see the point, even before you begin a
conversation, so before you start any conversation. 0ou must let him
know, what you expect from him during that conversation, and what the
end goal might be.
8or example @ $f you ust want him to spend a few moments with you, and
actively listen to you, about your day, then you could say @
*!ohnG $-ve had a very long day today, and would like to talk to you about
it. 'owever, $ don-t need your help but ust want you to be there and
listen, because when $ know that you-re listening, it comforts me.,
Can you see how easy that was) Now instead of slipping into the 5r. 8ix it
mode, your man knows exactly what you expect, and you will get exactly
what you wanted from him.
%# &ell him all the speci'ics
#ince men don-t like generalities, and prefer specifics, make sure that
whenever you talk to him, you remain as specific as possible.
8or example, never say @ *!ohnG 'ow is your work),
"ecause, to this he would usually respond by saying @ *Eh it-s goodCbad.,
2ather say @ *!ohnG 'ow is work lately) $ remember you were having
some issues with your boss, are they resolved now),
This will make him give you a more detailed answer, and the &uality of the
conversation will be better overall. #o the key to remember here, is that
you should never ever be general, rather, be as specific as possible.

(# &ell him the purpose o' the conversation.
2emember, we have already discussed that men like things to be, to the
point, and as short as possible) To elaborate on that further, you won-t
always need to ust get to the point, as long as you give him a specific
reason *why, you want him to listen to what you-re saying.
This is an age old psychological principle, yet it is very rarely used by
people in their day to day life. 'ere-s is a pretty good example of this /
let-s say, you are standing in a long line at in front of the ticket counter, at
the movies. 'ow will you react, if someone ust cuts the line and tries to
stand in front of you) 0ou-d be fumed right)
"ut now, what will happen if that same person tells you that they have left
their child in the car, and were in a hurry) 0ou will be more likely to let
them have your spot, right)
"ut why) 4ell, because as long as someone gives us a valid reason, we
can-t help but comply with their re&uest.
0ou need to do something similar when talking to your man as well. 0ou
will be able to talk about literally anything, no matter how long or short, as
long as you give him a strong enough reason for it.
A woman once came to me for help, regarding this very subect. %very
time she tried to have an intense conversation with her man, he used to
6one out and distance himself. 4hen she asked him to explain why he
kept distancing himself, he told her that he believes she-s very whiny, and
complains a lot. This conse&uently led to more friction, between the two
of them.
This woman explained to me that she wasn-t exactly complaining,
however, when she speaks about certain subect it appears to him that she
is complaining ,when in reality, she is only expressing herself.
Next, $ gave her a very simple solution / $ asked her to give her man a
good reason why, before every conversation. 'ere is what she said to her
man(
*$ know it often sounds like $-m complaining, but $ need to let you know
that, $ express myself better, when $ talk about things in a lot of detail.
'owever, $ will still try my best to be as much to the point as possible.,
And magically her man was a lot calmer than normal, and even listened to
everything she had to say with a lot of patience.
Therefore, can you see how easy this really is) $t doesn-t re&uire a
complicated process, to get through to your man. #ometimes a good
reason why is enough, to get the deal done.
"ut as usual, you must be thinking @ what about exceptional cases or
special situations) 4ell, there are certain situations when these rules
might not get the ob done.
Ene specific situation is when your man is either feeling emotionally down,
or overwhelmed. +o not ever push a man during those situations, as he
will only feel the need to distance himself further. As you already know
that men have a smaller emotional tank in comparison to women, and
their only way to empty that tank is to get some space. #o make it a point
to offer him enough space during those situations.
Ether than that, these rules apply to most of the situations you would
encounter with any man. 1lus, you will enoy a greater level of
satisfaction, with every conversation you have with your man. $n fact, here
are the ; prime benefits you will gain, after you apply the concepts you
learned in this section to your life(
>ene'it 1 )ou will mae him 'eel at ease with you,
+o you know what happens when he feels at ease around you) 0ou will
become the source of pleasant feelings for him, and he will find himself
spending more and more time in your company. The best part is that other
women won-t be able to do any of this, and you will enoy an unfair
advantage over most of them.
>ene'it % )ou will *e speaing a language your man will easily
understand,
All the misunderstandings, all the confusions and all the friction which
used to exist in the past will vanish overnight. 0ou will feel like you and
your man actually get, and understand each other on a very deep level.
>ene'it ( 5e will loo 'orward to speaing with you,
This is the biggest benefit of them all. $f you keep on applying the
strategies, you learned in this section, your man will start looking forward
to speaking with you. 'e will even make a lot more effort, and you will
find him a lot more engaged in what you have to say, in comparison to the
past. Everall, things will drastically change in your relationship once you
apply these keys.






Chapter 19 5ow to mae him do anything.
'ave you ever tried to control your man or at least, thought about it)
Almost every woman $ speak to is trying to control her man, in one way or
another. $ know, this sounds like a very big assumption, but almost every
woman wants more of one thing or another, from her man.
5ay it be more love, attention, interest or even something as simple as
her man-s time. $n fact, a good example of this are those *$f Enly, women.
$f only he would spend more time with me(
$f only he showed more love(
$f only he would stop being a la6y bum and do something(
The list of *$f only-s, can be never ending, however, $ believe you
understand my point.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting more from your
relationship, or your man, that-s perfectly reasonable. 'owever, the big
problem arises with the method most women adopt, to achieve their
obectives.
5ost women try the age old approach of being extremely nice to him or
doing nice things for him, expecting that he would somehow notice it, and
return the favor. 'owever, when those tactics don-t work, they go on the
opposite direction, and try nagging or worse manipulation.
"ut does any of it work) 4ell, yes it definitely works, but only temporarily,
and in the process you feel massively burned out and frustrated.
0ou can only push a man so much, and so far, beyond a certain point, he
will read what you are trying to do and will only resist. #o the big key isn-t
to push him, it-s rather to make him come to his own conclusion that what
you-re expecting, or asking him to do, is in own best interest.
$n short @ 0ou can get him to do, what you want him to do, and at the
same time, he will think that he was in control, and it was all his idea. $
know this sounds a little sneaky right now, but when you completely
understand this concept, you-ll see how powerful it really is.
'owever, before we go any further, $ need to explain why you need this(
&here are only two ways to motivate a man" .egative or positive

4hen you want your man to do something for you, then obviously, you-ll
need to motivate him on some level. .sually, there are two kinds of
motivational forces @ Ene is negative and the other is positive. 4hen you
push him by nagging or manipulation, you end up charging him up
negatively.
#ure, he might comply with your re&uest because negative motivation in
itself is pretty strong, however, over time his urge to follow through with
your re&uests will diminish massively, and you will find yourself working
harder and harder to make him listen to you.
The other way, is to charge him up positively, which also means to
motivate him positively. Now positive motivation is a lot different from
negative motivation. 4hen he is experiencing positive feelings, in regards
to what you want him to do, he will internally feel that following through
with your re&uest is an act of pleasure, and over time you will see him
promptly acting on anything you need from him.
$n other words @ 0ou won-t experience any friction or reluctance from his
end, because the very act of doing pleasing things for you, will indeed give
him a lot of pleasure in return. This is the true definition of creating a win/
win situation.
1lus, you need to understand that feelings drive our life, we are naturally
bound to do more of the things which give us pleasure, and less of the
things which give us pain. Therefore, it-s much easier to use positive
motivation to your advantage.
#o how does it all work) 4ell, the formula is pretty simple. $ call it the
*$ndirect/+irect, techni&ue.
4ith this formula, you basically create an environment where your man
will feel that following through with your re&uest is the best possible
decision, and he will even feel that it was all his idea.
5ere is the 'ormula )our suggestion C A strong reason D;5)E
C optional *ene'it F +ersuasion
3et me break it down further for you, this formula basically has ; phases
or ; steps.
The first is what you want him to do or your suggestion. #econd is giving
him a reason or a list of reasons why he must do what you want him to
do, and third being a benefit or what he would gain if he was to follow
through with your re&uest.
This is the basic formula that you can apply to almost any situation with a
man, and easily get him to do anything you want him to do. 3et me
explain how this works with an example(
3et-s say you want him to take you out for a dinner date. Now, if you were
to follow the old hit and trial route, you might casually ask him to take you
out, and hope that he says yes. 'owever, the chances of this being
successful as pretty low.
"ut, what happens when you say something like @ *'oney, $-m really tired
today and don-t feel like cooking, do you mind if we eat out tonight) Eh
and by the way, $ already have a K<? discount coupon for xy6 restaurant.,
Can you see the difference there) The second line seems much more
powerful, and your man will be more likely to say yes.
4hy does this work) 4ell it works because humans are >< times more
likely to follow through with a re&uest, when they are given a valid reason.
4hen we are merely asked to do something, or hear a re&uest of some
kind, we unconsciously ask ourselves @ 4hy should $ do it) 4hat-s in it for
me) 4hat will $ gain from this)
Therefore, when you give a strong reason why, you already eliminate that
obection and your partner will be more receptive to your re&uests.
1lus, when you add an optional benefit to the mix, it becomes an almost
no brainer. $n this case, the K<? discount coupon was an added benefit
which makes saying *yes, a lot easier for your man.
$-m calling this third step, an optional benefit, because it is optional and
isn-t necessary in all cases. There are many instances where you don-t
have to offer any benefit whatsoever, and your re&uest will still be acted
upon, based on a strong reason why alone.
#o let-s play with this a bit more. 3et-s say you want your man to call you
more often. 4hat will you usually say to achieve this) 0ou might say @
*'oney, can you please call me daily instead of once or twice a week),
Now once again, he might or might not take your suggestion into
consideration, however, when we apply our formula to this, here is what
this becomes(
*'oney, can we please talk daily on the phone because, hearing from you,
makes me feel really good, and $-d love to hear from you every single day
if it-s okay with you.,
#ee how it sounds a lot more powerful now)
Also @ +id you notice how the second part of the sentence isn-t ust
providing a strong reason why, but also a hidden benefit at the same
time) 4hich means, that you have the second, and third part of the
formula working in a single sentence.
$n fact, try this in your daily conversations with anyone, and see the
difference it makes to how suddenly everyone is complying with your
re&uest with a lot more ease now. 'ere are a few more examples(

Normal 2e&uest After applying the formula
*'oney, can you please help me
clean the house),

*'oney, can you please help me
clean the house today, as $-ve been
working since the last ; hours, and



Can you pick me up from work
today)




4ould you come to my friend-s
party)



Can you please hold me for a
while)




Can we please talk a little longer)


don-t think $ can do it all on my
own),


Can you please pick me up from
work today as it-s been &uite some
time since we-ve gone out together)
5aybe we could go to your favorite
restaurant as well.

5y friend is throwing a party next
week, and $-d love to take you
there. $ want all my friends to finally
see how great my boyfriend truly is.

Can you please hold me for a while)
$ ust feel an ama6ing sense of
calm, and security when you hold
me. $t- something $ ust can-t
explain.


Can we please talk a little longer)
$-m having work related issues, and
talking to you makes me feel better.



$ hope all this is pretty clear by now, and you understand exactly how this
works. "ut now, you must be thinking @ 4hat if he says, no) 4hat if $ do
my best, and he still doesn-t follow through with my re&uest)
4ell in that case, you don-t push any further, and thank him for even
considering your re&uest. 0ou see, sometimes your man might not say yes
right away, because often times, men need more time to come to a logical
decision on their own.
'owever, during this time, your ob is to stay calm, and not push him at
all. 0ou see, when you remain calm and demonstrate a peaceful attitudeD
he will eventually come back and follow through with your re&uest.
Nevertheless, $ must point out that there are certain situations where this
formula won-t work for you. 'ere is a small list of those situations(
0ituation 1 ;hen your request is unreasona*le
$ know this subect is pretty debatable, and there is no fixed yardstick to
know what-s reasonable and what-s not reasonable, however, there are
certain situations where women ask for unreasonable things, and expect a
man to still consider their re&uest.
A good example of such a situation could be, expecting your man to spend
most of his time with you, and not letting him have any time on his own.
Er a situation where, you know your man can-t afford a certain thing, yet
you still keep on pushing him to buy you that specific thing.
"ut the list doesn-t stop at this pointD there are many more things which
could be considered unreasonable, or pretty close to it. The point $-m
trying to make is that if he didn-t follow through with your re&uest, then
please check to see if what you asked for, was within the realms of reason
or not.
0ituation % &he right timing is o' critical importance
0ou must make your re&uest at the right time. $n fact, if you aren-t sure
that the time is right, it-s better to wait, for a more appropriate time. !ust
like you want him to be considerate of your re&uestsD you need to be
considerate of his needs as well.
'ere is a good example @ $t-s not a good idea to ask him to take you out
for dinner, when you know that he has a very important meeting the next
day, and he is working hard on something that he needs to present in the
office the very next day.
0ituation ( Asing him to do something which you now he
won<t do
Now this is a big one. %very human has a different set of personal
boundaries, in other words, some people aren-t okay with doing certain
things.
#ometimes, it could be a thing as simple as dancing at a party. To you it
might not mean much, however, for your boyfriend it could be a pretty big
deal, and he might have a lot of internal blockers running regarding that
subect.
#o, if you know that your boyfriend is absolutely frightened of dancing in
front of a bunch of people at a party, then it won-t be a good idea to use
this formula in an attempt to make him let go of his fears, and dance with
you.
$t-s also not a wise to push your man to do something, which makes him
uncomfortable in the first place, because ust think about it @ 'ow would
you feel if he tried to make you do something you aren-t comfortable with)
0ou will resist too, right) #o it-s really important to keep this point in mind
before making your re&uest.
#o far, we-ve covered a lot of sensible concepts. Now it-s time to discuss
something a little bit weird. 5ove to the next section to discover this weird
concept.

Chapter 11 Capture his heart *y revealing your imper'ections,

+id $ read it right) +oes the title of this chapter say @ *0ou can capture his
heart, by revealing your imperfections), 4ell, yes. 0ou read it right.
$ know this isn-t going to be an easy one for you to swallow, let alone try
in your life, but please suspend your disbelief for a moment, and pay very
close attention to the point $-m trying to make.
A friend of mine was having issues trying to find a guy. #he had been on
plenty of dates, met hundreds of guys, but it never used to go beyond the
first few dates. $n fact, things used to get so boring, that she started to
think that maybe something is seriously wrong with her.
Ruys used to show a lot of interest in her early on, but after the first few
meetings it would drop drastically and she couldn-t put a finger on exactly
what was wrong. Then, it got to a point where she was utterly frustrated,
and even a little angry.
#he had been on O dates with this new guy, but it was starting to get to a
point, where conversations were boring and dry. #he could sense that this
was another dead situation, and she-d have to go back to her same old
routine of / 8ind a new guy, go on a date, and rinse and repeat.
#he was absolutely tired of this, and wanted to give up altogether. #he
was due for another date with this new guy, but this time, she didn-t want
it to be like all the other meetings she had with him. #ince she was
starting to lose hope, she dropped all her expectations, and decided that
this time around, she is ust going to speak her mind and nothing else.
#he met him for dinner and as usual, and very &uickly she reali6ed that he
didn-t seem like he had much to talk about. #he decided to take charge
and said @ *4hy are we even here),
'e couldn-t &uite understand why she was saying this, so with a confused
look on his face he said @ *4ell, we are on a date, aren-t we),
Then she said @ *0es, $ already know that, but $ don-t think we have
anything much in common. $ mean, ust look at the conversations we
have. $t-s like there isn-t much to talk about. And to be honest with you, $
have been on a &uite a lot of dates, and this is the same thing which
happens over and over again.,
*$-m ust looking for someone who would understand me, but $ don-t think
that-s going to happen.,
There was a sudden energy in his demeanor, he was leaning back deep on
the chair but after hearing her, he leaned a little forward and got closer to
her and said @ *Tell me more.,
#he went on to tell him all the horrible dating experiences she
encountered in the past few months, and how it annoyed her to the point
of almost giving up. 'e was interested in knowing it all, and the
conversation went on for several hours.
"ut at this point, my friend noticed something odd but good. #he noticed
that this same guy who didn-t really have much to talk about with her, was
talking a lot, and was a lot of more interested in what she had to say. $n
fact, the conversation got so interesting, that they didn-t want the date to
end.
4hen she arrived home later that night, she got a text from him that said
@ *0ou are a real person and $-ve never come across someone like you. $
loved it tonight. Can we meet again),
#o, do you know why this worked so well)
4hen you honestly open up, and show a little vulnerability at the same
time, a man unconsciously feels a sense of comfort. $n fact, the biggest
reason why this works so well, is because is directly triggers a man-s
protective instincts.
A man can-t help but feel drawn to a woman who is capable of revealing a
weaker side to herself, without being too scared, of how she might be
perceived.
A true connection only happens when a man and a woman, both feel
completely at ease and comfortable around each other. 'owever, that
can-t happen when you are too scared of completely expressing yourself.
$n fact, let me ask you to do something @ Can you think of a time in the
past where you felt this invisible wall between you and a particular man)
5aybe you felt like there was this odd distance between the two of you,
and something ust felt out of place)
And, did you try to do or say something to connect better, but somehow
there was this very weird sense of discomfort in the air) 4hat do you
think that was) 4here do you think that came from)
$ can almost bet that this happened because, you didn-t completely
express yourself ,and had a lot to say but held it back because you feared
his udgment, or feared that he might not like you, if you take it too far.
This reminds me of another story about a client of mine named #u6anne.
#u6anne came to me with a very uni&ue problem. #he was having an on
and off relationship with a man named 5ike. 5ike was a wonderful, caring
and the most loving man she had ever come across, but at times she
didn-t understand his actions.
There were times when he would call her many times a day, but then
suddenly, he would disappear completely, and won-t answer his phone for
several days, only to come back later and act like everything is completely
normal.
At first #u6anne found this utterly rude and even a little strange, but over
time she got used to this pattern, and concluded that this is ust how 5ike
was.
Then, one day something really strange happened. 5ike didn-t call
#u6anne for a few weeks, and didn-t even answer her phone calls or text.
"ut, this wasn-t the strange part, #u6anne could see that 5ike was very
active on his 8acebook profile, and was regularly making posts and
interacting with others.
This made #u6anne very insecure. #he feared that maybe he was done
with her, and this was his nice way of saying @ 0ou are dumped, never
contact me again.
At first she thought about calling 5ike out on this, but she didn-t want to
appear weak. #he didn-t want him to see that she is bothered, so she
pretended like everything was fine, even though on the inside, she was
literally burning with pain.
As a few days passed, her pain started to overpower her ability to handle
it. #he was losing all will power and needed answers from 5ike. #he even
feared that maybe 5ike has found someone else and never told her.
#he was feeling abandoned, and alone. #o, instead of calling or texting,
this time she decided to write a very long email to 5ike but, she didn-t ask
for answers or any explanations from him. 2ather, she described exactly
how she was feeling, and why she was feeling that way.
'ere is what she said @
*5ike, we-ve known each other for a few months now, and $ can honestly
say @ you-re the most genuine person $-ve ever come across. $t-s been a
while since we last spoke, and something inside me tells me that maybe
it-s the end of the road for us. $ have been having a difficult time dealing
with my emotions lately, and please know that $-m not holding you
responsible for this.
"ut, $ can sense that you don-t see a future with me, and maybe $-m not
the right match for you. 'owever, $ ust want you to know that whatever
time we shared was really special to me, and it will always be special.
$ won-t lie to you, because $ have struggled a lot in the past few days. $
really miss you a lot but $ also understand that $ can-t force you to have
feelings for me. $ also need you to know, that if you have someone else in
your life, then $ completely understand and you can freely talk to me
about anything you feel like. !ust know that $-m here for you, if you need
me, if not, $ ust want you to know that you-ll always be very dear to my
heart. *
0ou see, #u6anne didn-t attack him, and didn-t blame him for his actions.
2ather she described what she was going through, and how all this was
making her feel. $n other words, she expressed herself in a very open and
honest way.
#o, what do you think happened next) #he didn-t get a response the next
day, even though she sat on her laptop for several hours, and kept
refreshing the page in hopes that there is a message from 5ike.
Then another day passed, and nothing at all and then another, then
another.
At this point, #u6anne lost all hope, and concluded that things between
her and 5ike were completely over. #he doesn-t have a choice but to move
on now.
"ut, this is where the strange thing happened. #he got a text from mike
and he wanted to know if she had time to talk to him over the phone) #he
instantly texted back that she was free, and was looking forward to hear
from him.
'er phone rang and she heard a very different voice @ 'e was crying. The
pain in his voice was overly evident. "efore #u6anne could say anything,
5ike said @ *$-m sorry. $-m really very sorry.,
'e told #u6anne that he was really sorry for what he had put her through,
and it was really unintentional. Then he went on to describe how he had
some really difficult relationships in the past, and was scared that if he
opened up again, then he might subect himself to the same pain he
experienced in the past.
'e also mentioned that he didn-t expect that #u6anne would ever
understand what he was going through, so he didn-t know what to do, and
decided to distance himself because, he didn-t know how to handle his
emotions.
This was the most authentic 5ike had ever been, around #u6anne. 5ike
also told her that after reading her email, he felt like a huge load had been
taken off his shoulders, and he finally felt comfortable with expressing
himself openly.
To conclude the story, both of them worked through these issues in a very
open way and their bond grew stronger and stronger with time. They are
now happily married.
#o now let me say something you don-t usually hear @ 2evealing yourself
in a very genuine way is the best thing you can ever do around a man. $n
fact, you will be doing your man a favor if you can express yourself
without udging, critici6ing or blaming him for anything.
4hy does this work) 4ell it creates what $ call the *u**le o' sa'ety.
$n short, bubble of safety is an atmosphere that gets created, when your
man feels completely at ease with you, and doesn-t feel any blockers
around openly expressing himself.
;hy is this so important=
This is really important because without this, you will never truly achieve
the most optimal connection with a man. $n fact, you will only kiss the
surface level connection, and will always feel an inner sense of lack. 0ou
will always feel that you can do a lot more with your relationship, but
somehow something is lacking.
At the same time, this is the easiest and the most effective shortcut to
connecting with a man and truly making him fall intensely and deeply, in
love with you.
And the biggest reason why this is really important is because, a man
needs to feel a good level of comfort around you, if you want to become
perfectly in/tune with him. $f a man is not comfortable, he won-t open up
completely, and won-t be receptive to openness from you either.
Ene of the biggest reasons why men shut down is because, they feel that
they are not in their comfort 6one around you, and sometimes your
presence alone can trigger a sense of discomfort in his mind which makes
him distance himself from you.
The only way out of this is to create the bubble of safety, and create an
environment where you can freely expression yourself and let him express
himself as well.

;hy does it wor=

$ can-t &uite explain exactly why this works. "ut every man is genetically
wired to pick up on certain signals from a woman, and these signals
indirectly trigger his protector instincts. 3et me give you a &uick example
of this @ 'ave you ever discussed a painful situation with a man or a
problem you were encountering only to reali6e that he keeps offering
solutions, and is eagerly trying to help you solve it)
5en can-t help but shift into protector mode once they sense a signal from
you, that you need their support or help. $n fact, they will act like it-s their
duty to protect you, and they will get a tremendous amount of fulfillment
out of the whole act, even if it-s really difficult for them.
The other reason why this works so well is because, by opening about
your own weaknesses, it puts the guy at ease, and he then knows that he
is dealing with another human being who is very real and has insecurities
and weaknesses like everyone else.

5ow to create the *u**le o' sa'ety=
0tep 1 E!plicitly e!press your inner most desire without the
'ear o' Gudgment or criticism.
0tep % Apenly admit to a weaness or a mistae you made" in
other words" share your 'ears.
0tep ( Encourage open dialogue.

0tep 1 E!plicitly e!press your inner most desire without the
'ear o' Gudgment or criticism.
This doesn-t mean asking him to do something, rather, this means stating
what you-d like him to do in the most honest way humanly possible. 8or
example @ $f you want your boyfriend to be more intimate with you, say
the following @
*!ohn, $ truly love it when you hold me in your arms, it makes me feel
really safe and loved. Can you please hold me for a while,.
+id you notice the explicitness in it) +id you notice how detailed the
sentence is, and how it clearly states exactly what you need from him, and
exactly why you need this thing from him)
$f you had ust said @ !ohn, can you please hold me for a while, it only has
so much power, but when you attach the real reason why you want him to
hold you, it has a much more powerful impact.

0tep % Apenly admit to a weaness or a mistae you made"
share your 'ears.
4e all have weaknesses, we all have fears, and we all think there is
something wrong with us. Trust me when $ say this, no matter how strong
a person appears on the outside, deep down, they all have something
which bothers them, and keeps them awake at night.
The only issue is that J<? of us aren-t willing to openly admit to it, as we
don-t want to appear weak in front of others. 4ell, you don-t have to share
your weaknesses with the world, but when it comes to a relationship, it
can do wonders.
'ere is a pretty good example(
*0ou know !ohn, you might not know this about me, but $-m a sucker for
affection. 5aybe this is because $ haven-t had enough people love me for
me, or maybe $-m ust too hungry for love. $ know that $ might seem a
little too eager and even desperate to you, but $ ust want you to know
that $-m a little weak when it comes to matters of the heart. $ ust need
you to please forgive me if $ did anything that bothered you.,
+o you see the power in this) Can you see how your partner will see this
as a sign of strength, instead of a weakness as you aren-t afraid to admit
to the truth, and be open unlike everyone else)
0tep ( Encourage open dialogue.
Ence you-ve successfully implemented the first = steps, the next step is to
let the guy be open about his fears, weaknesses and other feelings as
well. Ence he is convinced that he can openly talk to you about anything,
without the fear of udgment, or criticism, he will feel this strong
unconscious bond with you that will make him stick to you, and only you
forever.
Do not con'use this with complaining,
There is a very big difference between opening up about your true feelings
and weaknesses versus complaining about your life and blaming others.
This also doesn-t mean that once you express a weakness, you keep on
doing it over and over again, and even expect sympathy or understanding
from him.
This also doesn-t mean that you-ll point out every big and little flaw you
feel you have like saying @
Eh do $ look fat in this)
5y nose is so odd looking(
$ wish $ was prettier(
$ wish $ was younger(
%tc etc.
0ou get the point $ believe.
'owever, here are some common roadblocks you will encounter when
trying to use this process in your life(
Almost every woman $ know wishes to find someone, she could be
completely open with, and openly share her true thoughts and feelings.
"ut the issue is that most women hold their thoughts back. They are too
scared to be completely open, because deep down they fear that, they
might not be liked if the guy knows everything about them.
This is particularly true in cases where a woman tried to open up in the
past, and had to experience a lot of pain and torture because of it. 5aybe
she told a guy something which was used against her, and she was
mocked about it.
Eftentimes, it-s ust one bad experience which could completely block you
from ever opening up again. "ut you have to understand that you can-t
connect with a man deeply unless, you first open up completely, and
therefore it-s a risk you should be willing to take.
$f you do have very strong blockers in this department and have trouble
opening up, here is something which will help you.
5ost of us have unconscious habit patterns, which keep us from living an
optimal life, and having the best possible relationship we are capable of
having with our partner. Eften times, we are holding on to certain lies
about ourselves and certain false beliefs which keep us trapped. $t-s really
important to first recogni6e these habits, and clear them to get the
maximum possible uice from your relationships.
#o here is a &uick exercise which will help you pin point these unconscious
beliefs, and will also help you in clearing them.
0tep 1 Determine 19 ha*its you currently have" which are
holding you *ac with men and relationships=
5aybe you keep your true feelings inside when you should be expressing
it, maybe you do something you don-t want to do, ust to please a man or
it could be any other thing you personally feel is acting as a roadblock
between you, and happiness with your relationships.
Rive it enough time, and thought, it doesn-t ust need to be ><, if you
have more, then it-s completely okay to come up with as many things as
possible. Then, write them down on a piece of paper.

0tep % Determine the reason *ehind these ha*its= In other
words" mention why you developed these ha*its or where they
came 'rom in the 'irst place=
5aybe you said something to a man in the past which made him avoid you
completelyD therefore because of this occurrence maybe, you are scared of
openly expressing yourself, and hold yourself back from expressing exactly
how you feel.
Next to each point, provide a reason or a description of how these habits
came into existence.

0tep ( Chec i' these 'ears are valid or not.
!ust because of one bad experience, you can-t conclude that the rest of
your experiences are going to be bad as well. Therefore the next step is to
determine whether the fears you-re holding on to, are true or not)
8or example @ $f you are scared that if you say a certain thing, your man
might start disliking you. Ask yourself this @ 'ow do you know this will
happen) 4hat are the probabilities that such a thing will happen) +o $
know someone who has been in a similar situation, but got a different
result) $f yes, what did they do differently from me)
0tep / ;hat do I lose i' I hold on to these ha*its=
5ake a list of at least >< things you can think of that you will lose, if you
keep on following the same train of thought. 8or example @ 3et-s say you
don-t express yourself properly when your boyfriend or husband does
something you don-t agree with, ust because you don-t want to have a
fight, or piss him off.
'ere is an example of what you could write(
>/ $f $ keep it all in, $-ll build resentment for my husband or boyfriend
over time, and it will ruin our relationship.

=/ $f $ don-t clearly tell him what bothers me, then he will keep on
doing it and it will bother me more with time.

;/ 'e will start to think that $-m okay with everything he does, including
the things $ hate, ust because $ don-t bring it up.

#imilarly, you can list as many things as possible, in fact, pour your heart
and soul into it. The more reasons you can find, the better it will be.

0tep 3 ;hat will I gain when I let these ha*its go=
Next, you will make another list where you point out exactly what you will
gain when you change your current habits. Ence again, list as many as
possible and don-t stop yourself anywhere, in fact, more would be better.

0tep 4 ;hat would have to happen 'or change to occur=
This is where you reverse engineer all the actions steps you-ll need to
take, in order to change your present habits. $t would be better if you do
this se&uentially as that would help you get a more clear idea on exactly,
what you must do to bring about positive changes in your habits.
#o, for example, if you have been holding on to a false belief that
disagreeing with your partner might lead to conflicts, then first determine
why you have this belief, check whether this belief is valid or not, focus on
what you-re losing by holding on to this belief, and finally make a list of all
the things you-ll gain if you let go of this belief.
Next determine exactly what will have to happen for this belief to go away.
A sample list could be @
>/ $ need to calmly explain to my partner, that his actions bother me at
times.

=/ $ need to explain my side of the story, in a non/threatening and a
non/udgmental way.

;/ $ need to make him understand that $ have a hard time expressing a
disagreement, and feel a little scared.

And once again, the longer you can make this list, the better.

0tep 6 ;hat action or a set o' actions" could I tae right now"
which would tae me closer to my goal=
This is where the rubber meets the road, and this is the most important
step of the whole process. "ut, there is something you need to pay very
close attention to here. $-m not asking you to do a lot of things ratherD $
want you to determine a small action or a set of actions you can take right
now, which will take you a little closer to your goal.
#mall is always important, because if you give yourself a huge list of
things to do and force yourself to do it, you might succeed for the first few
days, but eventually you will give up. That-s because your mind cannot
tackle the nasty feeling of overwhelm.
"ut, when you give yourself something really small, and easy, you will be
>< times more like to follow through with it and if you cut down everything
into small, bite si6ed chunks, things will become so easy that it will feel
almost effortless.
Therefore, your next task is to determine the first step you could take to
get a little closer to your goal. #o, let-s say that you are trying to become
more expressive, and want to speak your mind around your partner. The
first step could be to let your partner know that you want to share
something with him, and need him to understand your side of the story.
The easier you make the first step, the more likely you are to act on it,
and achieve the change you desire.
Ence you have acted on the first step, determine what the next logical
step would be which would take you another step closer to your goal, and
keep repeating the process till the time you achieve your target.

%ventually, what will happen when you put this advice into action) 0ou will
find yourself enoying an almost unfair advantage over JJ? of the women
out there. 0ou will find yourself connecting with men on a level other
women can-t even imagine. 0ou will never have to play the guessing game
with a man, because he will openly share everything with you, even
without you having to ask.
Now, $ want to bring your attention to the topic of commitment and also
tell you a weird story. 5ove on to the next section to discover it.

Chapter 8 ;hat do I get i' I give you a ring=
$ want to tell the story of my cra6y friend. 8or privacy reasons, $ won-t
share his name here, so let-s ust call him my *cra6y friend,. 4ell, my cra6y
friend is a moderately successful guy and has been in a relationship with a
wonderful girl, since the last year or so.
'e has some issues in his relationship ust like every other couple, but
lately he is dealing with the biggest issue of it all, or should $ say /
according to him it-s a pretty big issue. +o you know what this issue is)
$t-s the issue of commitment.
'is girlfriend recently asked him a very straight forward &uestion @ 4hen
will you give me a ring)
And, do you know how he replied) 4ell, since you read the title of this
section, you can almost guess what $-m about to say @ $n a very calm and
unaffected tone he said @ 4hat do $ get if $ give you a ring)
'is girlfriend didn-t understand this answerD in fact, she got really angry
and gave him ><> reasons why he should put a ring around her finger.
#he reminded him of everything she had done for him, she also told him
that this was the perfect time to take it the next level, because they had
spent a year together and were perfect for each other. 'owever, when
none of this affected my cra6y friend, she got angry and shouted @ $
+%#%29% $T +A5N $TG
4ell $ bet she deserved it, $ mean it-s not easy to deal with my cra6y
friend. 'e isn-t the easiest of guys to live with, and $ can actively attest to
this fact. "ut you see the main issue is this @ !ust because you think
you-ve done enough for a man, and you believe you deserve it, this still
isn-t going to make him commit to you.
5en have a very different thought process when it comes to the subect of
commitment. 8or starters, you are actually asking him to leave his
boyhood, and enter manhood territory. $n other words, you are asking him
to stop being a boy, and become a real man now. This isn-t easy for any
guy.
$n fact, let me reveal some truth to you @ $f a man can get all the benefits
of a committed relationship, without any of the responsibilities which come
with commitment, he will choose that deal any day of the week.
This is another reason why so many men, get into temporary relationships,
but will never take it to the next level, and will have a million excuses why
they ust aren-t ready yet.
The thing isn-t that they aren-t ready, but rather deep down, they are
really scared of the unknown. They fear that things might change
drastically, if they finally take the plunge.
"ut, my friend taught me a very good lesson, something which inspired
me to write this section of this course. 'is statement was @ 4hat do $ get
if $ give you a ring) Now, at first it sounds like a very selfish statement.
"ut in reality, many men think like this. They really do want to know, what
they would gain if they commit, versus what they would lose.
$f they feel that they-re going to lose more than they would gain, it will
always be a hard decision for them to commit. #ure, there are some guys
who are literal commitment phobes, but the difference between normal
guys who aren-t willing to commit versus commitment phobes, is that
commitment phobes, have the same fears but only on a more intense
level.
#o, if a guy fears that he might lose his freedom after commitment, a
commitment phobic man goes through this same fear each and every time
he comes across a girl, in fact, he has his defenses up even before he
starts to date a girl. That-s the difference between the two types.
"ut, $-m not saying that it-s completely impossible for a commitment
phobic man, to not commit ever. 'e will commit to any woman who can
help him clear out these unconscious fears, and show him a brighter light
at the end of the tunnel.
Also, commitment phobia doesn-t happen overnight. $t-s usually due to a
difficult experience in the past or childhood which made a man put these
walls up. 0ou must note that these walls are unconscious, and even the
guy experiencing it, doesn-t know that he has these unconscious blocks in
place.
!ust like if you were attacked by an angry dog that bit you, or almost bit
you, in the past, now, every time you will come across a dog, your defense
mechanism will go into overdrive and you will unconsciously feel an
intense sense of fear and insecurity around dogs. This will make you either
avoid dogs completely, or you will remain super alert around a dog.
The thing is that people only get rid of these unconscious fears when they
work with a psychologist or a professional consultant. At the same time,
the intensity of these fears varies from person to person, as well.
$ could go on and on about this subect, but $ hope you already get the
point $-m trying to make. 5en don-t consciously decide to not commit to a
woman, we didn-t come to the world with a pre/made decision that when
we grow up, we-ll never commit to anyone.
Eur environment, experiences and observations shape our belief system,
and as you already know our belief system usually controls our life.
#o now let me get to the really good part, let me walk you through the
exact thought process a man goes through when he thinks about the
subect of commitment. $t-s going to be a story of our typical boy and
girl(
A young boy meets a young girl on a date, he finds her attractive, and
tells her that he-d like to see her more often. Rirl has her guard up at first,
she is a little baffled by this boy-s sudden charge towards her. #he is a
little flattered, but also a little apprehensive. #he doesn-t know if this boy
is even a nice guy, or a guy she will ever wish to date.
After all, this girl has been hurt in the pastD she has experienced the
intense pain that follows after a breakup, so she is very scared that history
might repeat itself. The last thing she ever wants is for the past to repeat
itself, and make her go through the same hell she experienced back then.
#o, as time passed by, the boy kept trying really hard to lure the girl, he
made all kinds of promises, he told her that she-s the best girl he-s ever
come across and how he can see a future with her, and all the typical
things a boy usually says to woo a girl.
The girl still resisted his attempts, she didn-t want him to have an easy
route to her heart, and after all, she understood that if she let him into her
heart, then she would also give him the power to hurt her.
+ays turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. At this point the
girl had become a lot more open, and a lot more inviting to the advances
of the boy. After a few more months of seeing each other, they both
decided that they should move in together.
The story was going smoothly ust like every other story does, for the first
few months. After all, the first few months is usually the time, when we
are almost ignorant to our partner-s shortcomings, and only focus on their
good habits.
!ust like every other relationship, when the boy got too accustomed to the
habits, and ways of life, of the girl, he started to take her for granted. 'e
gave fewer compliments, he didn-t take her out that often, he didn-t kiss
her enough, there was literally no foreplay before sex and it was like he
was running a routine every single day.
The girl started getting agitated with the boy-s behavior, and decided to
call him out on it. At first, she was gentle and tried the normal and calm
communication path, but the boy was unaffected. $t was like, no matter
what she said, it was getting into one of his ears and going out of the
other.
The girl was angry, she was building up resentment inside her and she
wanted to be heard. #he wanted to voice it to the boy, but the boy was
only running the drills as usual, and wasn-t even aware of what was
bothering the girl so much.
#o then, when things got really intense, and the girl couldn-t handle it
anymore, she had a huge fight with the boy. #he told him everything he
did, which bothered her, she told him that she can-t stand how he neglects
her, and a bunch of other rude things were said.
4ell, exactly like any other fight that couples have. This couple &uickly
made up too. The girl told the boy that she was frustrated, and she didn-t
know of any other way, to voice her opinion because the boy was
neglecting her. #o she couldn-t control her anger, and it lead to an
argument.
'owever, she duly apologi6ed for her behavior, and promised that in the
future she would ust try to talk to him in a very calm way. They kissed
and made up, and things were normal again.
Things were normal a while until one day, the girl was fired from her ob,
it was a very silly mistake she made, which caused irreparable damages to
the company. #o they had to let her go, without any notice. #he was in a
lot of pain, and came back home in hopes that she would discuss this with
the boy, and maybe feel better about it all.
#he told the boy and he was surprised, he couldn-t &uite understand what
happened but the girl clearly stated that it was her fault, and now she is
out of a ob. The boy said that she shouldn-t worry as he would support
her financially, till the time she finds another ob.
"ut this wasn-t enough for the girl, she started complaining about how
there was a conspiracy against her, how some of her colleagues absolutely
hate her, and how she ust hated that place anyway, and how she hopes
that the whole company goes bankrupt and they all burn in hell.
This went on for many hours, and then eventually, they went to bed.
#everal days passed, and the girl started applying for new obs. #he was
sending out one resume after another, but she wasn-t getting any
interview invites.
#he was really enthusiastic about finding work for the first few weeks, but
after that, it seemed like she had settled into this routine of staying at
home, and watching T9 all day long. $t was become an everyday routine
for her where, she would wake up, make breakfast for her boyfriend, wave
him goodbye for work, and then sit in front of the T9 and do nothing else.
Ene evening when the boy was planning a night out with his buddies, the
girl said @ 4hy don-t you ever take me out) $ want to go with you as well.
This is a boy-s only night, said the boy, but the girl wanted to go at any
possible cost.
#o she forced the guy, and bothered him till the point he finally agreed to
take her out. The situation got really awkward because there were P guys
playing cards with each other, while the girl sat between them yawing and
saying @ *This is so boring, is this all you guys do, every week),
The girl didn-t know this, but the boy felt like his freedom was being taken
away from him. 'e felt a little trapped, because he was forced to do
something he didn-t want to do, and on top of that all his friends gave him
funny looks, and probably said weird things about him behind his back.
Nonetheless, after more weeks passed by, the boy felt the burden of
handing her finances, they were running short each month, and started
being behind, with their bills and other expenses. The boy wanted to tell
the girl to get a ob, but he knew that it would be too rude if he was too
direct about it.
#o, he decided to indirectly ask her to get a ob. 'e told her that he has a
bunch of bills piled up and doesn-t have enough money saved up. This
made the girl really angry as she understood the point he was trying to
make.
#he said @ *0ou are asking me to get a ob aren-t you) 0ou already know
how many places $-ve applied to, but nothing has worked for me so far.
0ou already know how hard $-m trying, right),
At this the boy tauntingly said @ *4ell, all $ really see you do nowadays, is
sit in front of the T9 all day long. $f you spend that time doing more
productive things, then you-ll probably get a ob faster.,
And as usual this lead to another huge argument, and they said many
rude things to each other once again. #o far it all seems like your typical
story right) 4ell, let me tell you where things really started to take shape.
A few years passed by, the girl got an ama6ing new ob at a bigger
company, they both were doing really well financially, and they even
bought a new car. Ene day while cuddling late at night, the girl started
having certain thoughts. #he thought that it has been a pretty long time
since $-ve been with this boy.
$ know him really well, and he knows me really well too. 5aybe this is the
right time to ask him to progress things to the next level. #o she indirectly
suggested this by asking him / what he thought about kids and marriage.
The boy knew what she was trying to hint.
The boy showed no real interest in that conversation, and tried to change
the topic. The girl didn-t understand this, so she &uickly said @ 0ou love
me right) Ef course, said the boy. $ love you more than anything.
#o, why won-t you marry me already @ said the girl.
4ell, $ don-t think this is the right time to get married. $ want to wait a
little more till $-m more financially stable. The girl thought this was a
genuine statementD she didn-t for one minute think that the boy was
making an excuse.
"ut here is the kicker @ +o you even know what the boy was thinking at
this point) The moment the girl mentioned the topic of commitment, all
the old memories of her popped up in his mind. 'e remembered all those
old arguments and fights.
'e remembered how the girl was careless when it came to finding a ob,
and how she didn-t deal with troubled times in a stable way. 'e
remembered how she used to get emotionally upset over small things, and
struggled to properly resolve issues.
And then the boys mind made a calculation. This is what it concluded @ $f
she is this unstable and difficult to deal with right now, how bad is it going
to be when we finally marry) 'ow much of a mess is she going to be
then) #he doesn-t let me hang out with my buddiesD $ wonder how badly
will she trap me, when we are officially married)
And this is where the boy made one excuse after another, but never went
ahead with commitment. And here is the other interesting bit @ All this
happened unconsciously. 4henever he heard the word commitment, his
body felt this sudden olt of depressing emotions, which forced him to
either make an excuse, or change the subect altogether.
This might sound a little weird to you, but this is exactly how guys think @
They take into account everything you do, and form a very long conclusion
on whether marrying you will add something to their life or take
something away. Commitment is never an overnight decision for them,
they take into account every little to big experience they shared with you,
and take it all into consideration.
They often in terms of how it will pan out over the next few years / 4ill it
be a decision they will celebrate for years to come or, will it be a decision
they would regret for the rest of their life)
'umans are naturally wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain. $f the idea of
committing to you triggers very painful feelings in his body, then he will do
his very best to not commit to you, whatsoever.
$n addition to this, there is a bigger fear / The fear of having kids with
you, because our culture has hardwired into our brain that having child
means responsibility, lots of attention, and care. En top of that, if he fears
that you aren-t the right choice for him, then having a child with you will
scare the air out of him.
Also, $ need to mention something without being politically correct, please
don-t hate me for this. $n a worst case scenario, the woman gets more
rights than the man does. This is probably the main reason why many
men prefer prenups before marriage, nowadays.
$ mean, really try to see things from a man-s point of view @ $f there was
ever a situation, where you two decide to divorce each other, then you get
official rights to a part of his finances, real estate and other things.
$magine having to work really hard all your life to make all this money,
only to lose it again out of the blue)
Again, $-m not defending the male side here, nor am $ saying it-s wrong for
a man to share his finances with his wife. $n fact, she deserves every
penny if he has been at fault.
"ut, this is a very valid fear, and is one of the fears which keeps a man
from ever committing to a woman he loves and even completely adores.
1lus another possible reason could be that your man had a very bad
experience in the past, where he put his mind, heart, body and soul into a
relationship, only to face a horrible divorce or breakup where it wasn-t his
fault. !ust like $ mentioned some time ago, if you have been burned in the
past once, then you will be very careful with putting yourself in a similar
situation again.
Ekay, $ believe you get my point, and understand in very clear terms all
the big and small reasons why men are afraid of commitment, but don-t
lose hope yet. $ have only shown you one side of the story. This doesn-t
mean that men are completely incapable of commitment. $n fact, if you do
everything right, then your man will be the one desperately trying to get
you to commit, instead of you being the one trying to force him.
#o, how do $ make him commit) 4ell, it-s a very good &uestion, and $
have a very simple answer. $n fact, it-s ust one sentence @ *A man will
commit, the moment he is convinced that being with you, will add a lot of
pleasure to his life, rather than take something away from it.,
And this is it.
$ call this hitting the sweet spot in his brain, and if you rememberD we
have already discussed the sweet spot of desire in the previous sections.
#o, what happens when you hit this sweet spot) 'e will see committing to
you as a logical and wise decision, and will even feel ama6ing in the
process of doing it. Not ust this, he will see you as his one and only
choice, and will feel a bond with you so intense, that he won-t think of
committing to any other woman but you.
At this point, $ need to explain something even more important. 8rom my
experience, $-ve observed that most women try to follow the old route of /
if $ wait for him long enough, he-d finally come back to his senses, and will
commit to me. 4ell the truth is that he won-t, and once these women
reali6e that all their efforts haven-t produced the fruit they were seeking,
they freak out and try to force, fight or argue with a guy to make him
commit. And this leads to something $ call(
&he .egative emotions overwhelm.
This is ust a fancy term for saying that when you push a guy hard
enough, and long enough, he is bound to feel overwhelmed and since you
become the source which triggers that feeling of negative overwhelm, in
his mind, he will do everything in his power to avoid you.
A man won-t commit when he is under pressure, rather, he will feel
massively trapped. 'e will fear that his sense of freedom is at stake, and
when there is a competition between being committed to someone versus
his personal freedom, he will always choose personal freedom J times out
of ><.
The biggest drawback of all this is that, he is taking all your behavior into
account, and forming an even stronger case against committing to you
unconsciously. #o if you want him to commit, you need to avoid negative
emotion overwhelm at all possible costs, and hit his emotional sweet spot.
"ut, how do you do it) $-ll explain the process in a moment, but before
that $ need to share a very interesting story with you, this story will
explain exactly how you can make a guy not ust commit to you, but
literally scream to the world that you belong to him and only him. This
story also contains some very deep and insightful lessons, therefore pay
very close attention.
$ was recently contacted by a client over email for some relationship help.
8or privacy reasons, let-s call her #amantha. #amantha told me that she
didn-t &uite understand her situation, as the man in &uestion was the one
who chased her around for a very long time, used to send flowers to her
workplace and literally bent over backwards asking her to give him one
chance.
After giving him a few chances, #amantha reali6ed that there was much
more to this man than what was visible on the surface level. $n fact, this
guy had a personality to himself, which was hard to match for many
average guys out there. They went out for &uite a while, and everything
was ama6ing.
Then one day, this guy told #amantha that he felt he was in love with her,
and can-t keep her out of his mind. #amantha loved the fact that this guy
was really expressive, and didn-t keep his feelings bottled up like other
guys. #o she reciprocated with full force, and knew that they have a very
bright future together.
"ut as usual, there was a problem, in fact, a big one. This guy would
always say that he loved her to bits, but whenever she asked him about
the subect of commitment, he couldn-t handle it. The oddest thing was,
that he was already treating her like she was his official girlfriend but
wasn-t ready to put an official label on it.
After feeling absolutely frustrated, she told him that she can-t be with him
like this, and broke it off. #he also told him that if he wants to be in her
life, then he needs to make up his mind about her. #o in a nutshell, she
gave him an ultimatum.
"ut, do ultimatums work) $f you were to ask me @ They could work, but
only for a while. 3et me tell you why. They work because it creates a
strong sense of loss in a man-s mind, where he fears, that if he doesn-t
commit, he might lose you forever. "ut this is where he would say or do
anything to keep you in his life and this includes commitment as well.
"ut you see, this isn-t genuine commitment, rather this is what $ call
surface level commitment. The kind of commitment which is there, but
isn-t there. $t-s the type of commitment which only exists on paper and not
in reality.
3et me explain @ 4hen a guy commits to you out of fear, then, you have
his approval, but not his heart. 'e will still not offer his complete support,
love and commitment when he is under the influence of fear. This is the
reason why giving ultimatums can actually work against you, and make a
guy hate you even more.
#o after #amantha gave this guy the final word, she instantly emailed me,
and asked me what her next logical step should be. #he was a little scared
of her own decision. #he didn-t want to lose this guy.
$ asked her to tell me the whole story, from the beginning till the end,
including, all the little to big details. "ecause after several years in this
industry, $ know the devil usually resides in the details. $t-s never the big
things rather, the small things which make the big difference.
The more she told me the more it all started to make sense. $n fact, $
could see exactly what she did or where she went wrong, however, these
mistakes weren-t obvious to her because no one had ever analy6ed her
actions in this much depth.
'ere was the interesting bit @ "efore she gave this guy a chance, she
presented herself as this highly intelligent, attractive, calm, confident and
secure woman. #he was never eager to hear from him, nor was she too
eager to respond to his advances. #o, she was also playing a little bit hard
to get, and was acting like a challenge.
"ut, things changed drastically when she finally let this guy into her life.
The problem was that she became a little too eagerD she started seeking
his attention, which soon turned into seeking his approval.
Then she automatically assumed that since he was the one pursuing her,
he must be dying to be her boyfriend. 4ell, this wasn-t really the case.
And even if this was the case, the man changed his decision very &uickly.
0ou see, she presented a different version of herself at the very early
stagesD this was the version of herself that this man felt attracted to, and
loved. "ut with time, she had given away most of that power by turning
into this woman, who was a little needy and a little too eager for his
acceptance.
#o, this made all the gears shift in the man-s head and he must have
thought to himself @ 4ait a minute, this isn-t the same girl $ was attracted
to. $n fact, this is not the deal $ signed up for. #he isn-t the same person
she used to be at the early stages of the relationship.
#o now, instead of turning up his emotional attraction, she was the source
of repulsion which kept this guy in the 6one of confusion where he
couldn-t make up his mind.
#o, $ asked #amantha to do the exact opposite of what she was doing
right now.
$nstead of giving away her power and acting like this guy meant
everything to her, $ asked her to take a few steps back and relax a little. $
asked her to stop being so eager to hear from him, and to stop looking up
to him for acceptance.
The next time he called her, she wasn-t too eager to respond right away.
#he took longer than normal to respond to his emails, as well. $ndirectly
she was demonstrating that she isn-t in the needy mentality anymore, and
her life doesn-t revolve around him.
#urprisingly, the more she pulled back the more emails he started to send,
and the more he started to call her.
Next, $ asked her to pay attention to her actions. #he didn-t know this, but
her neediness and desperation were controlling her actions. #he was doing
things unconsciously, which clearly demonstrated how desperate she was
for him.
Things like checking her email several times a day, to see if he left a
message, calling him too much and trying to focus on his life way more
than usual. $ told her to recall all the things she did before she met this
guy versus all the things she is doing now. Then $ asked her to notice how
different her actions were now, in comparison to the past.
Next, $ told her to focus on her own life more, instead of wondering what
this guy was doing all the time. This gave her more emotional power, and
she started to feel a lot more secure with herself.
Then, $ showed her how she was unconsciously pressuring the guy into
commitment without reali6ing it. #ince she was expecting commitment,
she was unconsciously saying or doing things which were making this man
really uncomfortable in her presence, and she was coming across as highly
demanding in the process.
This was probably the biggest *A'A, for her. #he told me that she had
never really thought of it like that because unconsciously, she assumed
that since he liked her so much, he must be super eager to take things to
the next level.
#o, she understood that maybe her expectations were a little too pre/
mature and even unrealistic, since she assumed many things on her own.
#he took all my advice into account, and carefully worked on bringing
about changes in her personality. And this is what happened next(
4henever the guy called her, she was never put off other things to ust
speak to him. #he told him that she was busy, and will be happy to talk to
him later Hshe never used to do this in the pastI. Next, she completely
stopped calling and texting him, and made him initiate everything, in other
words, she demonstrated that she isn-t desperate anymore.
#he paid a lot more attention to her own personality, and groomed herself
to look and be her best, not because she wanted to woo this guy all over
again, but because she was completely comfortable with herself and
wanted to snap back into her old confident persona.
And the biggest change was how she communicated with the guy now. $n
the past, she used to end up in arguments with this man over many issues
and used to get annoyed or angry very easily. "ut now, she acted like she
was a rock in the storm and maintained a very positive persona.
4henever she spoke to him, she radiated this confident, positive side to
herself. #he never asked him what he was doing in his life, or whether he
was dating someone else or not. $n short, she was demonstrating that she
isn-t her old negative and nagging self anymore, and is very secure in her
own life.
4hat do you think this did) 4ell, no pri6es for guessing here. This very
man who wasn-t sure, if commitment was the right choice, or not, literally
begged #amantha, to give him another chance and be his official girlfriend
again.
$n fact, he felt like he was lucky to have a woman like this in his life, and
treated her like a big pri6e he absolutely adores and cherishes.
This is exactly what $ call hitting the sweet spot in his brain. 4hat
#amantha did, made this guy feel like commitment was something which
will bring a great deal of pleasure to his life, and will add a lot to it in the
long run.
#o in short, if you want a guy to shed his commitment phobia, and commit
to you with all his heart and soul, you need to do ; very simple things(
1# Act lie you are completely secure with or without him.
4hen you don-t depend on a guy for happiness, you won-t ever appear
desperate or needy around him. 2ather, you will radiate a strong energy
which will make him feel really good in your presence, and when you are
secure with yourself, a man will feel completely secure being around you
all the time.
%# Demonstrate that you are independent.
'e needs to know that you would like him to commit, but don-t absolutely
need him to do it. $n other words, he needs to know that if he doesn-t
want you in his life, then it-s not the end all or be all for you. 0ou don-t
depend on his approval, or acceptance to feel good about yourself or your
life.
This also shows him that you aren-t going to trap or cage him. 0ou aren-t
trying to make him do something he doesn-t want to doD rather, you are
letting him have complete freedom to make up his own mind about you.
As long as a guy knows that his girl is needy or too dependent on him, he
will feel trapped. "ut when he knows that his girl is completely
independent, he will feel the need to trap her. Can you really see the
difference here)
(# Demonstrate a very positive mindset.
This isn-t an easy thing to do, especially when things aren-t going in your
favor. "ut let me tell you why this is more important, than anything else
you-ve learned so far. 2emember that we-ve already discussed that
humans are driven by two things @ pleasure and pain)
4e are naturally drawn towards things which give us massive pleasure,
and avoid things which give us pain. #o, if you become someone who nags
a lot, remains negative, and turns into an overall mess. 'e will naturally
feel burdened in your presence. $n other words, you will trigger negative
feelings in his mind, and he will seek to actively avoid you at all possible
costs. Commitment would be the last thing on his mind when he is dealing
with a negative woman.

>ut what i' I do everything right and he still doesn<t commit=
&hen what=
4ell, in that case you are dealing with the worst case of commitment
phobia, and you have to understand that it-s not your fault. $t-s ust
unfortunate that you ended up with such a man. #uch men need a lot of
counseling, and psychological help to clear the unconscious blockers which
are keeping them from opening up, and expressing themselves completely.
0ou see, there is another problem with such men, neither would they
commit to you, nor can they let you go. Confusing right) 4ell, their fears
attached with the idea of commitment are far too strong and far too deep,
this is why they find it hard to commit, but at the same time, they also
fear being abandoned.
#o, they would keep you in this 6one of confusion, where they will delay
everything. They won-t completely say yes to you, and also won-t
completely say no. $f you are stuck with such a man, then the best course
of action is to first explicitly state exactly what he is doing, and how it is
harming you.
Next, ask him if he would be willing to work through these issues or if he
is open to accepting the idea that he has a problem which needs to be
resolved) $f he is an open man, he will willingly oblige, but if not, then it-s
your moral responsibility to distance yourself from such a man.
"ecause, the longer you wait hoping and praying that he will change his
mind about you, the more time you will waste and as we all know, the
most important thing in our life is time. "ecause, the time which is wasted,
will never come back.
#o, here is what you should do next, without telling him anything, decide
internally how much time you can afford to give him to make up his mind
about you @ 5aybe a month, a couple of months and if you are really
generous, maybe more. "ut make sure you have a deadline in mind.
The key here is to not announce to him, what is cooking in your head. And
with time, start making efforts to distance yourself little by little from him.
+on-t distance yourself too much that it becomes overly obvious, but
enough that he notices that things are starting to change a little now.
%ventually, if he still doesn-t show any real interest in a commitment to
you, and you are nearing your deadline, drop all contact, and make
attempts to move on with your life.
And this brings me to another pressing issue, the issue of breakups. 5ove
on to the next section to discover it.

Chapter 19 ;hat to do when he leaves you 'or someone else=
$ want to make an embarrassing admission hereD do you know that $-m a
total expert when it comes to the topic of breakups, and getting dumped)
+id you know that my primary motivation to get into the relationship
advice industry was to help people mend their hearts, after a breakup)
$ have been through all kinds of pain it is humanly possible to experience.
+epression and trauma were my best companions for many years. At one
point, $ struggled to even hear, read or watch anything breakup related as
it used to trigger some unbearable feelings in my mind and body.
8eelings which used to push me into this perpetual 6one of depression,
and the harder $ used to attempt to get out, the deeper $ used to find
myself sinking into it.
'eck, $ believe $ deserve a big medal for dragging myself out of it, and it-s
a miracle in itself, that $ have finally managed to get my life back in order
because back in that time, $ couldn-t see myself having a future
whatsoever. 5y mind had convinced me that perpetual depression was my
only friend, and it was going to stay with me for the rest of my life.
"eing dumped hurts, especially when the one you love shows no concern
for your feelings, and happily get another partner as if, you were never a
part of their life to begin with. "ut $ didn-t create this course to whine or
complain about how someone pulled my heart out, and broke it into a
million pieces.
'owever, $ did create it to share all the useful insights and lessons $
received along the way. These insights will help you get an upper hand,
even if you were dumped and your boyfriend or husband has a new
woman in his life.
The first thing $-d usually ask you to do, is figure out why your partner left,
but without going into too many details, there are only one of two reasons
why your man left you for someone else. $t was either that you made a
mistake or cheated on him or you were no longer the source of
pleasurable feelings to him.
.sually, the latter is the most common reason why he decided to leave
you. #ure, you can fill between the lines here, and come up with all the
things you said or did which might have been a contributing factor behind
why he left you.
"ut the bottom line still is that you over time, you spoke or acted in ways
which made him see you as a source of negativity rather than a source of
positivity. This is by far the simplest explanation $ can give you behind
why, men decide to leave the women they love.
Now the big &uestion is @ 'ow do you re/attract him and bring him back
into your life) 4ell, not so fast tiger, $-ll get to that subect in a moment,
but before that you need to cross a long list of hurdles.
And this is where $ feel it-s appropriate to share some very profound
insights with you.
>ig insight :1 E!pectations are your greatest enemy" they are
the source o' all pain and misery
*$ know he will come back. 'e can-t move on ust like that, $ know him.
'e has done this in the past as well, he will have his me time and come
running back to me.,
'ow can you be so sure, $ asked)
4ell, $ know($ ust know.
This is the conversation $ had with a lady who was sitting around in hopes
that her boyfriend of ; years, who recently dumped her for no apparent
reason, will come back to her.
+ays turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, but she never
heard from him. #o now, not only did she have to deal with all that
breakup baggage, but she also felt stupid for sitting around, and wasting
all this time living in false hope.
Now, $-m not saying that if your man has left you, there is absolutely no
chance of reconciliation. 4hat $-m rather saying, is that you can-t repair
your emotions, as long as you are expecting something, from your so
called ex.
0ou should hope for the best, but always prepare for the worst. 'aving
expectations only means that you are shooting rockets of false hope in the
sky, hoping that they will somehow land on target. "ut, the chances of
that are very little to none.
And the most important thing to note here is that, you don-t control your
ex-s thoughts or reactions. 0ou don-t know what he is thinking or doing
right now. 0ou could be here assuming that he is thinking about you, or
maybe even missing you, while he is out there having loads of fun with his
new lady love.
$ mean, you ust never know.
#o, am $ saying that you should not expect anything from your ex) 4ell,
currently yes, that-s exactly what $-m suggesting that you should do) 4hy)
4ell simply because as long as you hold on to an expectation, you won-t
let yourself heal properly. This means, that you are making a conscious
decision to hold on to all the pains, and hurts that your partner has caused
you, and aren-t ready to let it go.
And this has an even more adverse effect on you, as time passes by,
because, your pain will intensity and you will find yourself getting weaker
and weaker. Feeping an expectation is like holding on to hot coal, and
expecting it to not burn your hand.
$t will burn your hand as long as you hold on to it, the only way to get
some relief, is to drop it and let your hand heal naturally.
At this point you must be thinking @ "uy heyG 4e are meant to be
together, he is my one and only love. 4ell $ think this is the right time to
mention the second very important insight(

>ig insight :% &he concept o' D&5E A.EE is a myth.
$ hold movies strongly responsible for this. $ don-t even know how many
movies $-ve seen right since childhood, where two people fall hard for each
other, then circumstances make them grow apart, when they are apart,
they reali6e how much they truly want each other, and in the process they
fight the world and finally re/unite at the end of the movie.
3et me give you a good amount of reality @ The concept of that special
person is a myth. $f it was a fact, then no one will ever date anyone other
than, their first and only love. No one will ever divorce, and no matter how
awful the situation is, people will still try to make it work ust because
they hold on to the false hope that there is only that one special person
for them, who they are a perfect match with.
5aybe you broke up for a reason, maybe you were meant to find someone
way better and way smarter than your ex. $ mean, you don-t know what
the future holds for you. 0ou can-t sit there and conclude that ust because
you clicked really well with this person, that this is the best you can do,
and this is what you should hold on to and fight for.
And this brings me to the next important insight(

>ig insight :( )ou can<t convince your e! to 'eel love 'or you
again,
1eople who believe in the myth of *T'% EN%, are often willing to do
whatever it takes to get their ex back, even if it means, trying to convince
them to like them back. 0ou can-t ust talk him into liking you back again,
he has to feel it.
As you already know, logic doesn-t work when it-s a matter of emotions.
%motions will always outweigh logic, in every situation and every single
time. 0our ex didn-t logically decide to stop liking you, he didn-t logically
decide to ust abandon you out of the blue, and find someone else.
$t was all an unconscious process, and his emotions were directing his
actions in the process. %ventually, when things got really bad, and his
feelings shifted from liking you, to almost hating you, he felt that the best
course of action from there on was to let you go.
0ou can-t talk your ex into wanting you again, and if you attempt to, you
will only push him further away, which brings me to my O
th
most important
insight(

>ig insight :/ ;hen we can<t have something we desire" it
*ecomes more valua*le to us than it really is,
+oes this sound a little confusing) 4ell, let me explain further. 4hen you
had your ex, or lived with your ex, you used to observe him as a whole
package. That is @ 0ou understood what was wrong with him, and you
also understood what was right with him.
0ou probably liked some aspects of him, and absolutely hated other
aspects. There were even times when you ust took him for granted, and
there were also times when you didn-t give him a lot of attention.
"ut you see something really strange happens when we go through a
breakup, and aren-t allowed access to that person anymore. Eur brain
suddenly shifts into an overdrive mode, and makes us experience these
over powering feelings, which makes us desperate for our ex.
And not ust this, the weirdest thing is that, we forget everything we used
to hate about our ex, somehow, it all simply goes out of the window and
all we really notice is their good side. "ut, this is only beginning of the
story.
8irst, you miss everything your ex brought into your life, and then you feel
ealous that some other girl is going to be get, all that from him now, and
not you. Then you vividly imagine him going out with some other girl, you
imagine her hugging his body, kissing his lips, while your body wells up
with a montage of painful emotions.
5aybe you try to date, but since you are so stuck on your ex, you start
comparing any new guy with your ex. Then, you unconsciously think about
how your ex used to do this, or that, and how he used to be good with
certain things, and how he used to make you feel so ama6ing which this
new guy you recently met, can never ever do.
4ell, the reality is that maybe this new guy is capable of doing much more
than your ex ever did, but since you are feeling so stuck with the image of
your ex, you will ignore everything else, and this brings me to our next
very big insight(

>ig insight :3 A *reaup maes you *lind" and you can<t see
things how they truly are,
This is probably the biggest drawback of a breakup. 0ou lose track of
reality, and end up developing this unconscious filter which changes how
you see, hear and observe everything around you. 0ou start thinking in
extreme terms rather than, realistic terms.
0ou start assuming that since you are in pain right now, this is only going
to get worse with time, and if $ was to be honest with you, for the first
few weeks after a breakup, the pain only intensifies or gets worse. $t only
eases out later on.
0our mind starts shifting its own gears, and it comes up with really awful
conclusions. Conclusions such as @ 3ook at how much pain you are feeling
without your ex, he was the only source of happiness for you, and
therefore, you must get him back to feel normal again.
#o now, you ust don-t try to get your ex back because you want to. 0ou
start literally depending on your ex, because you feel that only his
presence can help you get rid of this pain. #o in other words, you turn into
this person, who is at the complete mercy of her ex, and this brings me to
my next very big insight(

>ig insight :4 +ain maes you needy and neediness pushes
your e! 'urther away,
4hat happens when you have a massive headache) 0ou take a pill, and
then it-s gone. "ut, what if this headache only goes away for a while, but,
comes back later, with even more intensity) Then what)
4ell, then you take another pill to give yourself temporary relief.
This is exactly what happens in a breakup situation as well. 0ou struggle
to handle the constant pain, and you believe that your ex is your only
relief. "ut, you also know that it-s not a permanent solution, since your ex
isn-t in your life anymore.
#o, you strongly seek temporary solutions, maybe you try to call him, text
him, email him, look him up on 8acebook and if you are really desperate,
then maybe you even drive by his house, work place or usual hang out
spots.
$n other words, you are looking for a temporary fix, some piece of
information which will tell you that your ex still misses you, you seek
something to confirm that maybe he still wants you back. #ometimes,
things work out in your favor, and your ex texts you out of the blue, asking
you how you-ve been)
0ou get an instant release of tension, and feel literally euphoric within a
matter of a few minutes. At the back of your mind you think @ #ee, $ knew
he still wants me, $ knew he will come back.
And you sit there hoping, that things are going to change from this point
on, only to reali6e that it was ust a courtesy call, and your ex was ust
checking up on you to see, if you were alright or not. Now, since you saw
a little light at the end of the tunnel, you make it your life mission to try
harder.
Conse&uently, you start initiating calls or texts again. #ometimes your ex
responds, and at other times you don-t hear from him for several days.
"ut, your only hope of relief is when you hear from him. 4hen you do,
you feel a little fine but when you don-t, you freak out and find yourself
sinking deeper and deeper, into the pool of depression.
'eck, $ have personally done things $-m not too proud of, ust because $
couldn-t handle my own breakup. $ used to sit on my laptop for most part
of the day, and used to refresh the page every few seconds in hopes that
my ex would leave me a message. The weird thing was that $ wasn-t doing
this for a few hoursD $ was rather doing it all day long. $ know, it sounds
weird, but pain makes you do really strange things.
'owever, here is the big issue @ 4hen your ex contacts you, they are
opening a window. They are indirectly telling you @ #how me that you
have changed, show me that you aren-t the same old person anymore.
"ut, if you are needy or desperate, you will unconsciously do things which
will send out a very strong negative vibe, and this brings me to the 7
th

most important insight(

>ig insight :6 )our e! will only come *ac when he is ready
and you indirectly control this decision,
4ell there isn-t a way to perfectly monitor when your ex will change his
mind and come back to you.
0ou can-t predict when he will be ready, but you can definitely do things to
speed up the process. 4omen often come to me and tell me things like @
*Eh, my husband fell out of love, and wants to break up with me, or he
doesn-t feel any attraction for me anymore, so he dumped me.,
The truth is that he ust didn-t fall out of love, if there was a point when
he used to love you, then you can still get it all back. 3et me explain this
further / The 'uman mind is a powerhouse. 0ou might not believe this,
but it retains everything, every memory, every emotion and every past
experience. $f you can imagine a building so tall that it-s kissing the edge
of space, and then visuali6e a huge chunks of files stacked one above
another, that-s how much information your mind can retain.
#o here is the good news about this all.
0our ex-s mind still retains all the positive, pleasurable and fond memories
he shared with you at one point of time. $t-s all there somewhere in his
mind. 'e didn-t ust fall out of love with you, the issue was that, those old
positive memories were lost deep in his file cabinet, and a lot of new
experiences were stacked over it.
#ome of these experiences were not so nice, and maybe even triggered
really negative emotions in his mind. #o now, he has this huge chunk of
negative memories sitting one above another, which are overpowering
everything else.
Therefore, in order to make him come back, you need to first help him
clear up these negative memories he has of you in his mind, and make
him remember all the past positive experiences he shared with you.
"ecause once that happens, you won-t even feel like you are trying to get
him back, it will all become very automatic.
"ut, how do you do it) 'ere is a plan which worked really well for me and
everyone else, $-ve shared it with(
0tep 1 .eutraliHe your 'eelings.
4hat do $ mean when $ say neutrali6e your feelings) $ simply mean that
before you even attempt to get your ex back, it-s important to get yourself
in a place where you aren-t feeling those ugly, strong inner urges to
contact your ex.
$n other words, $-m asking you to almost get over your ex first. 0ou must
be thinking @ 4hat) 'ow can $ ever get over him when $-m in so much
pain) 4ell, let me give you the most logical explanation to this.
As long as you are desperate for him, you will unconsciously do things
which will push him further away. %very time he sees you, he will only see
this miserable, desperate person who is hungry for his love.
And we all know that a hungry dog never gets fed, and a hungry woman
never gets her man back. 0our mind makes you think that if you don-t
work on getting your man back, then you will never get him back.
"ut, your mind doesn-t understand realityD it doesn-t understand that
trying hard to get him back, is actually the main reason why he is being
pushed away. #o, what you think is helping you, is actually harming you.
The other big &uestion is @ 'ow do $ neutrali6e my feelings) 4ell, it-s
simple and hard, depending on how much you are willing to push yourself.
And yes, for most women, it-s going to be hard at first. Eur thoughts
control our feelings, and our feelings control our actions, so the first step
is to take into account your pre/dominant thoughts, for most part of the
day.
$f you recently broke up, then you probably think about your ex almost all
the time, and for maority of your days. As a result, you feel absolutely
depressed, because the moment you think about him, you know that he
isn-t around and it makes you feel miserable.
#o, the first thing you must attack is what you are thinking about,
throughout your day. Take into account how many times, or how much
you think about him during a day. $n fact, $-d say make a ournal and write
down the exact thoughts you are having at various points in a day.
This will help you feel a little better, because now you can see exactly
what-s going on in your head and also clearly recogni6e your patterns. As
humans we like patterns, we usually get stuck in a routine, and repeat it
day in and day out.
A pattern is usually, a series of things or steps you take on a daily basis
and most women find themselves stuck in a difficult pattern after a
breakup. They either find themselves thinking about their ex all the time,
or make it a habit to call their ex daily. $ mean, the list is endless but you
get my point.
#o, the next step is for you to determine exactly what pattern you are
following on a regular basis. After a few days of observing your thoughts,
and putting them on paper, you should get a pretty good idea on what
your personal routine is, and you will see a very clear pattern emerging
with your current actions.
The next step is to break this pattern right away. #top calling your ex, stop
thinking about him, and stop wondering what he must be doing at every
minute of every day. +o whatever it takes, and drag yourself out.
As long as your ex is in your thoughts, your emotions will never neutrali6e.
2ather, it might only intensify. #o break your patterns, and replace them
by doing something more positive, and productive with your time.
5aybe start doing an activity or something, which will keep you super
busy, so busy, that it will be hard for you to think about your ex.
0tep % # Avoid your e! lie your li'e depends on it I1or the time
*eing at leastJ.
Ever exposure is usually another reason why, temporary breakups turn
into permanent ones. 0our ex won-t miss you, as long as he has free
access to you, and your life. 'e won-t really think much of you as long as
you keep on popping up in his emails, facebook or even in front of his
door at times.
0ou see, when you avoid your ex, not only do you give him a chance to
miss you, but you also give yourself a chance to finally get yourself out of
the nasty push and pull effect. 0ou will finally have a chance to calm
down, and take a breatherD no longer will you be going up and down on
the roller coaster of emotions.
1lus, this reminds me of something else. $-m about to say something really
profound, so make sure you stick this in a place, where you can regularly
see it. 'ere it is @ *4hat your ex does after this point, is none of your
business,.
$t was your business as long as he was around you, but right now, you
aren-t in his life and his life is his own business, for the time being. #top
being affected by his actions, and throwing yourself into a huge pool of up
and down emotions.
0ou can-t control him, but you can definitely control yourself. #o, for the
time being, completely avoid your ex, don-t check up on him at all. +o this
for as long as it takes you to finally feel neutral again.

0tep ( ;or hard on yoursel' and snap *ac into the con'ident
version o' you I0hi't your 'ocus 'rom needing him to wanting
himJ.
$ want to share another really embarrassing story with you. 4hile $ was
going through my breakup, &uite a few years ago, $ became a little cra6y
and turned into a person who ust couldn-t take care of himself. $ didn-t
shower for many days, $ know, cra6y right) "ut, $ ust didn-t feel the
motivation to do it.
$ stopped working on important proects, and as a result, money stopped
coming in. $ didn-t feel the need to shave and looked like a homeless
person.
Ene day, after my friend really pushed me hard, $ accompanied him for
grocery shopping and while entering the store $ saw a familiar face right in
front of me. $t was my ex, at first she looked at me, and didn-t recogni6e
me at all.
And then, as she was starting to walk away, $ murmured her name and
asked her how she was. #he couldn-t believe it was really me. $ could see
that she felt a little sorry for me, but without saying much, she &uickly
excused herself, told me she was in a hurry, and ust walked away.
$ thought that by seeing how bad my condition was, maybe she-ll feel
sorry for me, and might feel guilty for having put me through such a thing.
$t sounds a little strange, but deep down, $ was feeling a little happy that
she ran into me while $ was in this condition. $ felt that now she will feel
really guilty and will come running back to me.
The reality had another plan for me. A friend of mine called me after a
couple of days telling me, that my ex contacted him to check up on me. $
felt an evil grin starting to make its way on my face, $ thought wow /$t did
work after all. Now she will probably apologi6e to me and want me back.
"ut nope, she only asked my friend to check up on me from time to time,
to ensure that $-m alright. $ wanted more information on her lifeD $ wanted
to know what she had been doing without me. At first my friend was
reluctant, but then he said @ 3ook manG #he is doing really well and is
dating someone else right now.
And if you really want to know the truth @ #he told me that she was glad
that you aren-t in her life anymore. #he also felt that her decision to
breakup with you was the right one, as she can clearly see how much of a
mess you really are, and she didn-t want someone like that in her life.
Euch and $ mean a huge big ouch.
"ut, all this taught me a vital lesson. The lesson was simple @ $f you make
yourself miserable, don-t take care of your health, which also includes your
emotional health, and spend your days and nights listening to sad songs
and fantasi6ing about your ex then you are only re/confirming your ex-s
doubts about you.
4hat you should rather do, is totally transform you into a new, happier
and more confident individual. A breakup has the power to break you but,
it also has the power to completely transform you, and only you can
choose whether you wish to remain broken or you wish to completely
transform yourself.
$ hope you get the point $-m trying to make, because how you present
yourself, is the exact state of mind you are portraying to everyone else
around you. 'ow do you want your ex to see you) +o you want him to
see you as a person curled up in the corner of a room, looking like an
absolute mess with red eyes, because you have been crying for ages)
Er do you want him to see you in a completely transformed image, where
not only do you look different and better, but you radiate a subtle sense of
confidence and positivity which is naturally attractive)
And to put things into perspective, try to look at everything from your ex-s
point of view. 'ow would you like it if someone called you hundreds of
times a day, said sorry more times than you can count, keeps on trying to
spy on you and literally forces you to come back to them)
'ow would you feel) 4ould you feel attracted or would you feel annoyed)
$ believe, $ don-t have to answer this one as it-s an almost no/brainer. #o
the fastest way to get your ex back is to demonstrate that you are
completely secure in your skin, aren-t desperate for him to come back, and
have your emotions in order.
4hen you follow this plan properly, your ex will naturally pick up on these
changes, he will sense that you aren-t the same old negative person
anymore and slowly but steadily, he will start to feel really positive around
you and this will drastically increase your chances of getting him back.