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MP3: MP1055 CD: C1055
Life Lessons Will Catapult You to Greate
Productivity
I
t was 20 years ago when a senior agent shared a tape
with a new agent from the Main Platform of an
MDRT meeting. Te tape was inspiring and chal-
lenged the attendees with these three take-away concepts
that, if applied over the next 365 days, would forever
change their lives:
1. Put the right eort into seeing people, and your ca-
reer will be rewarding.
2. Be coachable. Coachable people will learn and adapt
to the changing conditions that this career brings.
3. Focus on learning and developing your relation-
ships. Tat will secure your future.
As the early stages of my career unfolded, the rst per-
son I would learn from was a gentleman named Robert
Devlin. Tis slide is a picture from 1937, and he is 25 years
old. He believed that consistent monthly savings was im-
portant for the future, insuring the future was important,
and everyone should have some money in a life insurance
policy. As the story unfolds, you will see just how impor-
tant these things were for me.
My college education resulted in a degree in petroleum
and natural gas engineering. I had worked in the oil in-
dustry for seven years. An engineering career brought long
work hours and low pay, and career success was directly
controlled by the supervisor. We like the work you are
doing. If you want to continue to work with our company,
we have to move you, and due to economic downturns, cut
your pay. We need you to be exible. Sounds like a very
inviting career, doesnt it? After years of broken promises,
lack of career growth, and no life balance, I quit the en-
gineering job. Te next venture: a career in the insurance
industry for a commission-only income.
Whole Person Concept and Relationships
Te main dierence between a job and a career is that
with a career, success is not determined by the work su-
pervisor, but by the quality of the work and a focus on
developing strong relationships. MDRT introduces us to
Learning From Your Relationships
Jay M. DeFinis
Jay M. DeFinis is a nine-year MDRT member with
one Court of the Table qualication. He served on
the Program General Arrangements Committee
during the 2009 MDRT Annual Meeting. DeFinis
is a member of the National Association of Insurance
and Financial Advisors, and is a board member of
Northwestern Mutuals Financial Representatives
Association.
Northwestern Mutual Financial Network
1801 E. 9th St., Suite 800
Cleveland, OH 44114
Phone: 216.241.5854
E-mail: jay.denis@nmfn.com
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Learning From Your Relationships (continued)
the Whole Person Conceptcreating success for your en-
tire life.
As successful nancial services professionals, we must
ask ourselves if we lead fullling and enriching lives. Which
relationships are we neglecting or could we improve? How
do we learn to enjoy the most fullling relationships in
our lives? It is no coincidence that the cornerstone of the
MDRT Whole Person Concept is relationships. And the
more successful our relationships become, the more suc-
cess we enjoy in our career. Tis is a tribute to MDRT
and its leaders and members who have come before us,
inspiring, guiding, and motivating us to achieve our full
potential, while engaging in a meaningful and rewarding
life journey. If it were not for the opportunity to listen and
learn from each other, we might not be here today!
Todays Purpose: Experience Lifes Meaningful
Journey With Me
Life and Relationships
To demonstrate the power behind relationships, I want
to talk about three aspects of my life: changing my career,
important lessons learned when people reached out to of-
fer help, and the power of a referral.
Once I made the decision to change my career, I could
hardly wait to inform my family of the great news. My
father said, What the hell are you doing? We paid for an
engineering degree from a ne institution. My mother,
the great equalizer that she was, said, Tats okay. You
can always go back to engineering if this doesnt work out.
Tank you, Mom and Dad. Imagine my surprise when my
grandfather, Robert Devlin, spoke up and said, Tis is
a great industry to go into. You will do well if you work
hard and save your money. Te best advice he received
was from an insurance advisor. Not only was that what I
needed to hear, I was even more surprised to learn that, co-
incidentally, we had both purchased insurance policies at
the age of 25 from the same company, the company I was
now going to work for. We both believed that consistently
saving money as a young man was important, insuring
your future was important, and a life insurance policy was
a pretty good place to invest money. Tese concepts were
relevant in 1937 and in1984, and they are still relevant
in 2010 during these uncertain economic times. Today,
Robert Devlin is 98 years old, and his insurance policies
are 73 years old. Tis life experience would prove to be one
of the greatest endorsements of my career.
Early in our careers, many of us have struggled to nd
meaningful relationships that keep us motivated, focused,
and aware of creating success for our entire lives. Weve ex-
perienced crucial times when people reach out to us. With
me, it was the oce manager who oered her services to
discuss my activity and the happenings of each working
day.
Every day we would meet and discuss how many ap-
pointments I kept and what happened at each appoint-
ment. As the weeks progressed, we noticed a pattern
that of seeing lots of people but not making many sales.
I was feeling frustrated, dejected, and broke. On one
particularly long day, I was up at 5:30 a.m. and home
at 9:00 p.m. Have you experienced days like this? Upon
coming home that night, I found sitting on my doorstep
eight boxes of food with a note: God Bless You, Haven of
Rest Food Mission. I was humbled that someone would
provide me with such a gift, because I could now eat for
the next few weeks. Te next day, when checking in with
the oce manager, she asked me how my day was. You
will never believe what happened to me. Upon arriving
home last night, I found that someone had left food for
me. She had a big smile on her face, and she said, I did
that for you to teach you a valuable lesson. You see, Jay,
you are working harder than anyone I have seen in a long
time, but you are just missing the mark. Tis career is not
about your success. It is about the clients success. You are
trying hard, but you need to shift the focus o of you and
onto the clients. I did this so that you could experience
what it was like to be helped and to teach you that its not
about you, its about them.
Tere was a lot of wisdom in her words, and they
changed the way I began to approach my clients. Te
impact was monumental. Learning how to focus on the
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Learning From Your Relationships (continued)
person would help develop solid relationships, leading
to growth and successful lifelong relationships. In short,
without both of us knowing it at the time, she was telling
me that I needed to become a Whole Person. My focus
was too much on one area of that concept: my career. Tis
oce manager was suggesting the integration of other
areasrelationships and serviceand working without
necessarily expecting an immediate personal gain.
As we develop in a career, we are challenged to do
things that take us out of our comfort zone and think big-
ger. Te Whole Person Concept is ideally suited to help us
address these challenges because it reminds us that every-
thing we do is interconnected in creating success.
For instance, a veteran MDRT member encouraged
me to do something I liked that would put me in front
of a lot of people. I like being physically active. Tis ts
within the health area of a Whole Person. What was the
challenge taking me outside of my comfort zone? It was
the Ironman Triathlon. Tis is a tremendous challenge for
any professional athlete; for one who is not athletic, it is an
almost impossible one.
Now, my next decision was to gure out how this
challenge could get me in front of many people. As you
know, the Whole Person Concept has a relationship area.
Relationships can often help us through our challenges.
So I joined the Masters Swim Club, the local biking club,
and the local running club. Trough these clubs and their
members, there were not only people who could help me
with my endeavor, but contacts in a natural market with
healthy, insurable business owners, physicians, and profes-
sional people. For over a year, these relationships encour-
aged me and helped me qualify for the Ironman Triathlon
in Penticton, British Columbia. My training and the help
of friends prepared me to overcome every possible obstacle.
Race day came. I made it through the 2.4-mile swim,
made it through the 112-mile bike trek through the moun-
tains, and made it through half the run. At the 13.2-mile
turnaround of the marathon, excruciating pain developed
on the bottom of my foot. What happened was that my
sock had gotten wet when water was poured on me as I
passed each aid station along the course. Te sock had
bunched up and caused a blood blister the size of a 50-
cent piece. As I sat on the side of the road nursing my foot,
the paramedics came up and said they could help me, but
if they did, it would mean disqualication from the race.
After working so hard, I felt that quitting was not an op-
tion. While I was contemplating my fate, an older male
racer came by and threw some moleskin at me, saying that
it would help me nish the race. After putting it on the
bottom of my foot, I was surprised to nd out that the
pain lessened and that I could actually continue to run.
If it were not for the kindness of that stranger, this
photo of me nishing the Ironman Canada would not
exist. [slide] Tis experience taught me the next valuable
lesson: Life will throw you curveballs, but if you believe
in the goodness of life, great things can happen. My faith
encourages such a belief. Since the Whole Person Concept
encourages you to grow spiritually, this one unintended
experience helped to reinforce me spiritually. By pursuing
activities in the relationship and health areas of the con-
cept, it generated a spiritual success that I had not planned.
Tis is a perfect example of how activities in certain areas
of the concept interconnect to produce successes in other
areas. Te event also gave birth to a new condence and
a mantra: No one has endurance like the man who sells
insurance! Here before you stands living proof!
As another example of stepping out of my comfort zone
and thinking bigger, I became extremely active in the lo-
cal chapter of the Penn State Alumni Association. Tis
also met the challenge of the veteran MDRT memberto
do something I liked that would put me in front of a lot
of people. However, on the surface this can be challeng-
ing because volunteering means unpaid work. When were
developing our businesses and trying to maximize our in-
come, we can easily view volunteering as unprotable. As a
result, we neglect it. Yet, living the Whole Person Concept
helps us to remain focused on success for our entire lives
and not just one part of it. In this story, the service area
plays an important role. As you know, that area encour-
ages volunteering without expectation of personal gain.
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Learning From Your Relationships (continued)
As suggested by becoming a Whole Person, volunteer-
ing can bring great things. Trough involvement with the
Penn State Alumni Association, connections formed with
others who felt good about their experiences and educa-
tion at Penn State. In this sense, the service area of the
Whole Person Concept reinforced the education area by
reminding me of the value of my education. When I saw
what an education could help others achieve, I felt more
enthusiastic about mine. I also saw how education encour-
aged these same people to continually pursue a path of
intellectual development.
I thoroughly enjoyed interacting with these people;
they helped me immensely. As you can imagine, through
these interactions I met many good-quality professionals
who valued my work as an insurance advisor. And the
amazing thing is that people approached me for an ap-
pointment. Tey sought me out as an advisor. Tey knew
me personally, and they appreciated my honesty and in-
tegrity and, therefore, trusted my recommendations.
Relationships at the local level developed, which soon
led to a connection with the alumni board at the national
level and being asked to serve on a strategic planning com-
mittee. After years of service, I was honored to receive the
Alumni Associations highest honor of Volunteer of the
Year. Everyone knows someone who went to Penn State,
and to this day, this connection still generates great Penn
State client referrals. Volunteering helps you associate with
good people.
With these three storiesHaven of Rest, Ironman,
and Penn Stateyou can see where activities in several ar-
eas of the Whole Person Concept helped other areas. More
importantly, they helped me move onto a path of success
for my entire life, not just one part of it. As a result, with
continued commitment, hard work, and the development
of quality relationships, my career as a nancial advisor
began to thrive.
To summarize, these three stories translate into three
life lessons that proved very valuable in the early stages of
my career: (1) Its not about you; its about your client; (2)
Life will throw you curveballs, but if you believe in the
goodness of life, great things can happen; and (3) If you
do good work with good people, great things can happen.
Tese lessons created the foundation for developing many
successful lifelong relationships.
Relationships and the Power of a Referral
At this stage of my career, the time came to hire an as-
sistant. I began to ask for qualied candidates from clients
and friends and was subsequently introduced to Kathy.
We met and she was hired on the spot. Kathy became the
backbone of the organization, quietly working behind the
scenes, helping me do the things that needed to be done
to become a successful nancial advisor. If it werent for
her, I would not be in the business today. Every successful
advisor has a great relationship with an assistant. I was
extra fortunate in that I ended up marrying mine! She was
a package: She had four children! Oh, the power of that
referral!!!
Relationships and Process
Te Art of Client Building
As an engineer, I found that tracking numbers in
this business made sense to me. What came out of client
building were these lessons: inspiration that science and
numbers could help me create and develop relationships;
activity as a consistent way to track my work patterns and
behavior; the importance of following a process to help de-
velop client relationships; and the importance of attitude
and enthusiasm in building great relationships.
One of the greatest experiences in my career was meet-
ing Al Granum and having him analyze my numbers when
I was a young advisor. Everyone should be encouraged to
have a good activity coach. Te most important activity is
face time in front of clients. For more than 15 years, I have
averaged 65 face-to-face appointments per month!
Importance of Process: Challenging Times
It is easy to get down on yourself when things go badly.
Client relationships will challenge us. Having a process
can help you maintain focus on your good relationships.
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Learning From Your Relationships (continued)
Process helps me through these times. Here is what hap-
pened in my career. I was consistently doing my activity,
but my premium level was not at a level that was con-
gruent with my revenue goals. An attorney whom I had
met asked me if could put together a presentation for $3
million of insurance for a life insurance trust. I prepared
the presentation and the proposals for my appointment,
excited to think that my premium would nally increase.
A week after the appointment, there was no word from the
attorney. When I called the attorney, he explained that he
had just wanted to see what my company had to oer but
that he had decided to use another carrier. I was sad and
frustrated. (I know that many of you have been in that
position before.) How do you deal with the emotion and
frustration? Process. Tank goodness for a sales process.
It took the focus o the frustrations and enabled me to
return to the oce and dial the phone, scheduling more
client appointments.
A month later, another attorney shared with me that
he had a client who had just won the state lottery and that
the client wanted to purchase $5 million of life insurance
in a trust for the mans family. We completed the sale,
scheduled the underwriting, and quickly found out that
our prospect was uninsurable (with every company in the
country, no less). Tank goodness for the sales process. I
returned to my oce and dialed the phone, scheduling ten
more client appointments.
Te following week, my top attorney/client informed
me that he had another interested prospect. He was a cli-
ent who needed a survivorship policy for $3 million for
an insurance trust, and he felt comfortable with me do-
ing the underwriting. We set up the appointment, and
we worked with the prospect and the attorney to get the
policy issued and approved as applied for. Finally! I had
a case that would make my career; the commission alone
would qualify me for MDRT!
Te policy was issued, and the delivery appointment
was scheduled. At the appointment, we reviewed the pol-
icy with the client. Te wife noticed that their last name
had been misspelled on the policy specication page, a
typographical error from the administrative oce. Te
wife proceeded to say that she couldnt do business with a
company that could not spell her name correctly. At that
point, she insisted on doing a policy not taken form.
Wow! What a blow. After the shock, once again I thought,
Tank goodness for process! Returning to my oce,
this time dialing the phone 50 times, I scheduled even
more appointments to keep me focused and put myself in
front of more potential clients.
It was these experiences that made me realize that
something was missing. I didnt have the relationship with
the client. Te attorney or the advisor had the relationship.
With that enlightenment, it occurred to me that the advi-
sor had controlled the appointment and the situation, and
I had no control as to whether or not the client was going
to work with me as his agent. Tree months later, while
talking to a prospect from my system, he said, Jay, do you
remember that insurance policy we talked about a year
ago? Were ready to do it. When can you come over to get
started on it? Finally my day had arrived! Te appoint-
ment was at the clients house. We completed the applica-
tion, picked up the check, and visited with the client and
his family. As I was leaving the house, I felt really good
that a case that was going to make my career was nally
in my future. Ten, coming out of the door, I noticed that
my car was missing! How could my car be missing? Could
it have been stolen? Could somebody be playing a prank
on me? I returned to the clients house and knocked on the
door, and as the client answered, I said frantically, Have
you seen my car? As it turned out, in my excitement I
had forgotten to put the emergency brake on in my stick
shift car. It had rolled down the hill of their long driveway,
through their two stone pillars, across the street, and down
a 30-foot embankment. Talk about an embarrassment.
Te client, however, thought this was absolutely hilarious
and proceeded to take pictures. Tey even made a photo
scrapbook for me as a memento! Te client put his arm
around me and said, Youre going to remember this for a
long time. It was in this dening moment that I realized
that the relationship with the client did make a dierence.
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Learning From Your Relationships (continued)
Moral of the story: Rope to tie the car door shut$1.99.
Damage to my car$$8,500. An unforgettable, vulner-
able, human moment with a client$priceless!
In summary, the lessons about client building that we
can apply are to focus on client relationships, be account-
able for good records, and identify good work trends.
Tese help us focus when working through challenging
times by continuing to see and meet good people. In the
end, this helps us keep an enthusiastic outlook and a posi-
tive attitude. During challenging times remember these
sayings:
Its hard to feel that you have no value when people are
asking you to add value to their lives!
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?
Author Unknown
Relationships and Value
As my career progressed, the focus shifted from activity
and relationships to value and relationships. Clients be-
gan to speak about our relationship and how they valued
their time with me. It was a value proposition that intro-
duced a new dimension to my careerhow it supports
what you do and how it will help you further deepen your
relationships.
What do people value?
1. A relationship with a trusted advisor
2. Guidance, access to information, and access to spe-
cialists that t their needs
3. Dynamic planning process
4. Leading productsall centered on a customer-
centric approach, with an organization that oper-
ates with integrity and in the interests of its clients.
(Note that products are important but are fourth on
the list of value!)
In its simplest form, this value proposition supports
relationships, process, organization, and products. It helps
me by showing me the importance of associating with a
process rather than products. What kept me focused on
value was implementing this simple process: learn, ana-
lyze, implement, and review. However, the key to success
with this process is appreciating the dierence between
thoughts and emotions and between thinking and feeling.
People are moved to action by emotion. It is important to
understand how people become more connected to us and
the process when we tap into their feelings.
Learn: Fact Finding
It is important that we as professionals interact with
peoples emotions eectively and comfortably. One of the
simplest ways of tapping into emotions is to pay attention
to our choice of words. Relationship building through
asking questions and creating a mutually agreed upon dis-
covery agreement with a focus on the client is the intent.
When concluding a client meeting, always create a mu-
tually agreed upon discovery agreement that summarizes
clients thoughts and feelings in relationship to their situ-
ation and goals. When doing this, always remember that
people will come to appreciate the care and respect you
give their feelings.
A valuable lesson in fact nding occurred with the
experience in the story of Penn State Dave. At the end
of a fact-nding meeting, I asked Dave this question: If
anything ever happened to you, how would you want me
to counsel your wife? He said, Tell her she will be okay,
because I purchased this insurance. He shared with me
how much he loved his wife and daughter. As fate would
have it, I received a call on June 3. Jay, this is Daves wife
and I want you to know that Dave passed away last week.
I need to meet with you. At our meeting, his wife looked
at me and shared how scared and vulnerable she felt. She
said Dave always told her that if anything ever happened
to him, she should call Jay DeFinis. She said, He talked
about you all the time. She really needed me at this time
in her life. Tis situation made me realize that the focus
on my relationship with the client did make a dierence
in what we do after a sale. We continue the process of
developing and deepening our working relationships even
as life hands us our next challenges. Te sadness in this
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Learning From Your Relationships (continued)
story was that Dave committed suicide on the day his
divorce was nal. He left half the insurance to his now
ex-wife and half of the insurance to his daughter. To this
day, his wife and I have a great friendship and a lifelong
client relationship.
Here are two powerful fact-nding questions:
1. If anything happens to you, how do you want me to
counsel your family?
2. If I were to become your insurance advisor, what do
you expect from me?
Ten conclude every client meeting with this series of
questions:
1. If I could do three things to help you in the next 30
days, what are they? (Most people cant handle more
than three things at one time.)
2. Is there anything that I have not asked you that you
think is important for me to know about you or
your situation?
3. What do you expect from a trusted advisor?
4. Based on your experience with me today, are you
comfortable that we can create and add value to
what you are trying to accomplish in your life?
5. And lastly, what do you expect from me? (Listen
and formulate the clients thoughts and expecta-
tions, and remember that clients always appreciate
the care and respect you give their feelings!)
6. My last follow up is this: Here is what I expect from
you:
Please never let your questions go unanswered,
and
Understand that I am allowed to challenge you as
your advisor. Is that fair?
Relationships grow when expectations are agreed upon
and feelings validated!
Analyze
1. Give clients a vision for their nancial security
through the use of a planning tool.
2. Present the fact-nding information in a logical,
problem-solving manner.
3. Create good case notes for follow-up and delegation
with my sta and client. (Communicating the cli-
ents experience from the appointment to my team is
very important for a successful client relationship.)
Lesson learned from this client story: I had been re-
ferred to a woman who had just lost her husband to cancer,
and they had an advisor who mismanaged their money,
so she was very cautious about talking with anyone about
her situation. Her attorney was a good client of mine. Te
attorney was involved with a court appointment on one
of his clients investment portfolios with our organiza-
tion, and he shared that Mary would benet greatly by
having her money with us. Working with the company
representative, we scheduled the appointment. Te at-
torney, company representative, the client, and I had a
very positive meeting. We felt good that we could get her
business. After the appointment, we heard nothing back
from Mary. After two weeks with no response, I called
the attorney and asked if it was okay to call the client. I
placed a call to Mary and scheduled an appointment with
her. It was at this appointment that Mary shared that she
was scared and unsure because she really had no idea how
much money she would need to live out her life in the life-
style she was used to. I realized that I had not been focused
on my own value proposition. I had mixed up the order in
which value is created and had focused on products rst,
not relationship rst, process second, company third,
then products. In my excitement, I had shortchanged the
value proposition, so I proceeded to focus on the relation-
ship with Mary. I asked her this question: Has anyone
ever helped you gure out what you need to do to main-
tain your lifestyle and manage your objectives? She cried
and said, No! Tis experience reinforced the idea that
if you focus on the relationship rst, you will get to the
correct products. After we prioritized what she needed, we
used a planning tool to help her get a vision of her future
and focused on how to manage her investment risk. Two
weeks later we were able to obtain her business. I also want
to acknowledge that I could not have done the appropriate
analysis of her needs without the help of my organizations
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Learning From Your Relationships (continued)
nancial security team. My relationship with this team
gave me the resources and condence to deliver a vision
and solution that was meaningful to her.
Implement
Getting things done. Acting on the discovery agree-
ment. How do we execute? What is the appropriate time
frame? Are the clients wishes validated? Ill share another
story with you. Remember the car story from earlier? Tat
client had referred me to his friends, Ken and Marcia. I
met with them, and we did the appropriate fact nding,
analyzed their situation, and implemented the solution.
Te nal meeting with the clients was on a Tursday at
4:30 p.m. We had collected wills, trusts, investment con-
solidation, and insurance purchases. Everyone was satis-
ed and relieved that we completed our objectives within
the agreed upon time frame. Two days later, on Saturday
morning, I received a call from Ken, telling me that his
wife unexpectedly passed away in her sleep the previous
night. He shared with me the details for the funeral. When
I arrived at the funeral, the rst person I saw was the client
who had referred me to Ken. His rst words to me were,
Did you ever work with Ken and Marcia? I answered,
Yes. His face showed his relief. We both walked into the
funeral home, and when Ken saw us, he left the receiving
line and came over to us. As we hugged and expressed our
regrets, Ken spoke up and said to my client, Tank you
for introducing me to Jay. I dont know what I would have
done without a relationship with him! Tis was one of the
most powerful endorsements of my career. Lesson learned:
We are measured on how eciently we help clients im-
plement their plan rather than on the products we sell.
Relationships are deepened when we implement solutions.
Review
Life is ever changing and dynamic. A good client re-
lationship is maintained because we implement a review
process.
1. Review the client discovery agreement. How would
you rate our execution? Has anything changed with
your situation or has information changed regard-
ing your needs?
2. Create a Client Engagement Road Map. Tis is a
time line of the clients goals.
3. Review the clients existing accounts.
Lets talk about the Client Engagement Road Map.
Have you ever built a house? When you decide to build
a house, the architect draws up blueprints. We create a
document with our clients (a blueprint prop). Tis is what
it will look like over the next two years of working with
our team. [slide] We cannot deliver solutions all at once,
but we can prioritize, using a document that will give our
clients direction and vision for their success. Creating a
review process further solidies a relationship.
Relationships and Service
As my career continued to grow, keeping the focus on
service and relationships became very important. Clients
valued my approach and well-dened process. Having a
process of regular communication and a team assisting
me enhanced my journey to becoming a Whole Person.
Regular communication with clients in a variety of ap-
proaches helps twofold. First, our team lets my clients know
we are thinking about what might be important to them.
Second, clients come to know that you have a process to
keep in touch and you adhere to it. Processes give people
greater peace of mind and a feeling of security. Te best
communication processes work in tandem with your sell-
ing, marketing, and servicing processes; however, remem-
ber that some of the best communication does not deal
with products or selling. Sometimes it simply recognizes
clients special interests or hobbies. Often, in our eorts to
become a Whole Person, the best beginning is viewing oth-
ers as Whole Persons, too. When we look at others through
this lens, it only encourages us to do the same for ourselves
and to stay focused on success for our entire lives.
Service and My Team
Te extra value that is delivered with todays great
client relationships is service. In a team, the relationship,
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Learning From Your Relationships (continued)
education, career, and nancial and service areas of Whole
Person come together in a dominant way as we work to-
gether and grow in Whole Person fashion. Again, by help-
ing others to do so, we remain focused and help ourselves.
A coach shared with me that successful nancial profes-
sionals are like elite professional athletes. Tey require a
group of support sta to help them perform. Tis is my
support sta. [slide] Te team is responsible for delivering
good service to all clients.
Concluding Your Journey
1. Lessons learned
2. Four parts of a relationship
3. Challenge for your tomorrow
4. Your assignment
Lessons Learned
Relationships help you succeed in many dierent ways.
Process prevents challenging times and helps you get
through them. Enthusiasm and attitude are the fuel for
your process. Courageous conversations help you develop
your great relationships.
Four Parts of a Relationship
Te four parts are visibility, credibility, empathy, and
protability.
Visibility is becoming aware of each other and the na-
ture of your business.
Credibility grows when appointments are kept, prom-
ises are acted upon, and facts are veried.
Empathy is listening and appreciating the opportunity
you have with every person you come in contact with.
Protability is not found by bargain hunting or pick-
ing the low-hanging fruit. It takes patience.
Challenge for Your Tomorrow
With all the demands on your time and attention,
it is easy to lose touch with important relationships in
your life. To bring relationships into balance, check in
on the relationships that are important to you and have
courageous conversations. We need relationships in all ar-
eas of our lives; they are what makes us successful. Check
in with family, friends, clients, centers-of-inuence, sta,
prospects, oce support teams, and then home oce re-
lationships. Approach your relationships with a purpose.
[Slide] Tese are my parents. My mother (age 66) died
two years ago within ten months of being diagnosed with
ovarian cancer. My father died December17, 2008 (age
75), of a broken heart. My parents never once brought up
the topic of insurance. Tey died with outdated wills and
no life insurance. Tey refused to discuss nances with me
or with anyone else. I really struggled with that. However,
it was in experiencing their deaths that I realized that one
should focus on the gifts a relationship gives you. From my
mother, the gifts were enthusiasm and attitude. She told
me, No one wants to work with a negative person. People
will always want to work with a person who is enthusiastic
and has a smile on his face. And you have that special
ability; never lose it. Te gift from my father was a little
harder to see. My dad never wanted to talk about relation-
ships and never said I love you in person. However, at his
funeral, as the minister was giving the eulogy, I received a
gift. My dad cut hair for a living and had a large clientele
who loved to have him do their hair. It was the experi-
ence he created that people enjoyed. He had a knack for
making people feel good when receiving a haircut. People
came to my father for the experience he provided them,
and now this is why my clients work with me. Tey enjoy
how they feel when we work together. When you focus on
the gifts of your relationships, the joy of their gifts will ll
your life, and you can share these gifts with others!
Communicate, validate peoples feelings, and deliver a
consistent message about what you do and who you are.
Whole Persons spend meaningful time with spouses, chil-
dren, family, and friends. Strive to make sharing, love,
mutual respect and openness the cornerstone of your best
relationships.
P R O C E E D I N G S
491
Learning From Your Relationships
Your Assignment
Shift your focus each day from you to those around
you. Follow this simple plan:
1. Tell two family members that you love them.
2. Tell six people that you appreciate them.
3. Tell four people about a unique talent that they
bring to your relationship.
Tis assignment will change your life if applied over
the next 365 days. Remember that in todays busy world
we have information and we have technology to bring us
data. But it is this quotation that says it all about people
and relationships. Its your competitive edge!
Tey may forget what you said, but they will never
forget how you made them feel. Carl W. Buechner
And remember that behind every business transaction
you do, there is an incredible relationship and take-away
that will give you a lifelong gift. Take, for example, the
sale of an insurance policy. Remember my grandfather,
Robert Devlin? Tis is his life insurance policy. [slide]
He loves to talk about it. He purchased the policy to save
money for his family, his wife and children. My grand-
father is still alive today at age 98. Te story unfolds like
this: My grandmother passed way this past June. All three
sons-in-law have passed away, and two of his three daugh-
ters have passed. Remember that great endorsement from
my grandfather as I started my career more than 20 years
ago? Tat endorsement lives with me today. My grandfa-
ther has now transferred the ownership and beneciary
rights of the policy to me. Tis policy has been in force
for 73 years! It was for the benet of his family. Now it is
for the benet of my family. Just as my grandfather did
for his family, I do for my family. Now it is time to pay it
forward. We took our ve-year-old granddaughter to Walt
Disney World last year, and we were going to get a special
gift at the end of the day. As we were holding hands walk-
ing down Main Street, she looked over at me and said,
Grandpa, I just wanted to thank you for helping make
my dream come true today. Tis is what we do today with
so many of our great relationships and the sale of an insur-
ance policy: help people achieve their dreams!
When you return home from this meeting, reect on
the lessons I presented: (1) Shift your focus to othersyou
will be successful to the degree that you nd goodness in
others. (2) Life delivers its challenges; you must believe in
the goodness of life. (3) Do good work with people. Over
the next 365 days, embrace the MDRT Whole Person
Concept. No amount of business success can compensate
for failure in your personal life. It is my wish that your life
lessons will catapult you to greater productivity!