TEMPER TANTRUMS

A temper tantrum is a violent outbreak of anger. The fits of anger are easily provoked,
and the reactions are almost volcanic in intensity. The rage is manifested by a
complete loss of control as evidenced by screaming, cursing, breaking things, and
rolling on the floor. Younger children may vomit, pass urine, or hold their breath. On
rare occasions the child will physically attack an adult by kicking or hitting.
Temper tantrums are not unusual in young children, and they are very rarely a sign of
a serious emotional disturbance in the preschool child. Tantrums are most common at
ages 2 to 4 years when children first exhibit negativism and independence. As
children grow older (ages 5 to 12) and are able to express their thoughts verbally,
temper tantrums tend to subside, and occur only sporadically in the early teens. A
substantial number of people never really outgrow this behavior and continue to have
fits of temper (yelling, hitting, throwing object) through their adult year.
According to the psychologist, Albert Trieschman, a tantrum is not a single disruptive
event, but a series of events. Typically a tantrum evolves through different stages. The
first stage is familiar to every parent and is termed the rumbling and grumbling
stage. The child will grumble, look grouchy, and sulk around the house. No matter
what activity you suggest, nothing really satisfies. The child is tense, restless, and
moody. With the slightest provocation or criticism from a parent, the explosive
outburst of the tantrum may emerge. The child may shout, curse, or break something.
If the child resists parental efforts at control at this outburst stage, he may increase his
opposition to parental words and actions. If you suggest quiet, the child shouts. This is
the no! no! stage. It is best to say to the child at this stage, You can be in charge of
yourself when you can stop all this yelling and trashing about. The tantrum gradually
runs down after this stage, and depression replaces aggression. In the next, Leave me
alone stage, the child becomes sad and placid. He does not want to interact with his
parents, although he may accept a glass of water. In the final hangover or post
tantrum stage, the child, a little tired and red-faced, is ready to resume normal
activities. The child may act as if nothing has happened.
Also noteworthy is that there is a definite pattern to the reduction of temper tantrums.
The first observable change will be fewer tantrums and a longer time between
tantrums. This may be somewhat disappointing since parents often wish that the
intensity of the tantrums would decrease first. Unfortunately, this is not the reality. By
keeping a record of when and under what circumstances tantrums occur, you will be
able to spot the first signs of progress. The first important change occurs as a result of
the child omitting a tantrum altogether if he feels his parents would regard it to be a
fuss over a minor issue. So the child starts to make judgments rather than flying into a
blind rage. His pouting time after a tantrum also tends to be shorter. Another sign of
progress is a quiet reaction in the child after a tantrum and expressions of regret
and/or affection for the parents. The next change in the temper tantrum reduction
pattern is a decrease in the tantrum time. The time may decrease from 15 minutes to 1
or 2 minutes. The final stage in the resolution of tantrums is when parent and child
can talk things out together while keeping a lid on their anger.
Temper tantrums reflect a serious behavior problem when they become the sole or
favorite means of problem solving by a child over a long period of time.
Almost invariably, one finds that temper tantrums that are habitual have worked out
to the childs advantage. Parents often surrender and agree to the wishes of an angry
child in order to avoid further unpleasant scenes. In this way the child quickly learns
that he can control his environment. The temper display is out of all proportion to the
demands of the situation, and the child readily stages a violent tantrum to get this
way.
Coping with childrens anger can be puzzling, draining, and distressing for parents. In
fact, one of the major problems in handling tantrums in children is our difficulty in
controlling the anger that the childs temper stirs up in us.

Reason Why
Anger is a normal, instinctual reaction when we are frustrated or attacked or when our
expectations are not met. According to Ashley Montague, a bad temper is generally a
result, not of a wrong done you, but of frustration. You did not get what you expected
to get. In an attempt to solve the problem, you communicate intensity of feelings
rather than logic or ideas. Unfortunately a fit of temper is not the most effective way
to solve problems.
Another contributing factor to anger outburst in children is exposure to adults in the
house who readily display temper themselves.
A third factor is the inability of children to perceive when they are becoming irritated
or frustrated so they cant communicate these feelings to others except when they
erupt in a full-blown tantrum. The expression of irritation or anger seems to be an all
or none thing. Often hours will pass between the incident to which the child said she
was objecting and the explosive episode that let people know of her objection. The
results in the tantrums being described as unprovoked. These children have been
told many times to control their feelings and not express their anger.


DISHONESTY
It takes time to children to develop a sense of honesty. It is not something they are
born with. In this section we will discuss the so called white-collar offenses of
lying, stealing, and cheating. These nonviolent offenses involve elements of deceit,
concealment, misrepresentation, and breach of trust. They are committed by people of
all ages, and by members of all social orders.
Contributing to the dishonesty we find in children is the moral crisis that is so
prevalent in America today. Many adults cheat on income taxes and steal from
employers. The result is a rip-off mentality and a self-centered, Whats in it for
me orientation. The Watergate episode indicated that deliberate deceit exists even at
the highest level of government.
The culture of narcissism is the way Christopher Lasch described our society in a
recent book. Self-preoccupation is so strong in America, according to Lasch, that it
seems to allow little room for moral value of any kind.
For parents, it is easy to forget that little acts of dishonesty at home are related to the
big acts of dishonesty like nursing home scandals and big corporation payoffs. The
difference is largely one of degree. Personal dishonesty by anyone in the family
encourages other family members to lower standards. Children tend to identify with
the basic moral character of their parents. Honesty, then, is a significant moral
behavior, and without it families and societies become unlivable.

1. Stealing
Stealing can be defined as the possession of an object not clearly (in the
adults judgment) belonging to the child. For an incident to be called stealing,
the child must have known that it was wrong to take the object without
permission of the owner. Minor stealing incidents in early childhood are quite
common. Stealing by children tends to reach a peak incidence around the ages
of 5 to 8 and then taper off. The development of a conscience proceeds slowly
in children as they gradually move away from a self-centered orientation and a
desire for immediate gratification of their impulses. Of all the behavior
problems of childhood, stealing worries some parents the most. These parents
see it as behavior typical of criminals, and this strikes fear in their hearts.
They also feel that neighbors will judge them on the behavior of their child.
Fortunately, there are definite steps parents can take on their own to deal
effectively with childhood stealing. If regular stealing persist after age 10, then
it is most likely a sign of serious emotional disturbance in a child which
requires immediate professional assistance. Each year about 25,000 children
go to juvenile court for stealing.
Reason Why
Children steal for a variety of reasons. Very young or immature children may
simply not understand that others have a right to private property that must be
respected. These children have trouble distinguishing between borrowing and
stealing.
a. there maybe something seriously lacking in the childs life, so that stealing
may be a symbolic replacement for the absence of parental love, attention,
respect, or affection. It is not unusual for stealing to start after one parent
has left home or died.
Also noteworthy is the finding that juvenile delinquents who repeatedly
engage in a variety of antisocial acts tend to come from homes
characterized by parental alcoholism, criminality, and associated poor
childrearing or often total neglect of the children.
b. another reason for childs stealing is the fact that some parents obtain a
vicarious unconscious pleasure from their childs misdoing, as it gratifies
some of their own hidden rebellious feelings. The child senses this and is
stimulated to continue.
c. The child may have selected a poor-example to admire. Perhaps he has
seen a parent, friend, or brother or sister stealing and has identified with
this person. Stealing to gain approval from a gang is not uncommon.
d. Some children steal to bolster their self-esteem. They exhibit the stolen
goods to prove to others their toughness, manhood, or competence. Other
children enjoy the excitement and sense of adventure involved in stealing.
e. Children from low socioeconomic backgrounds may steal because they
simply have no money to buy the things they want. Having so little
themselves, it is hard for them respect the property of others.
f. Stealing may be a childs way of unconsciously getting even with a parent.
If a parent forbids a child to wear make-up, the child may steal from a
store with the unconscious wish to get caught and thereby embarrass the
parent.
g. Stealing may be a sign of internal stress in a child, such as depression,
jealously over a new baby in the home, or anger. The child is trying to
reestablish a comfortable feeling inside by stealing. Another reason may
be that the child has a very low frustration tolerance and has great
difficulty resisting temptation.

2. Lying
Berbohong bisa didefinisikan sebagai membuat pernyataan tidak benar, with
knowledge of the falsehood and with the intent to deceive another so as to
gain an advantage or evade unpleasantness. Although all children lie on
occasion, parents tend to regard honesty as an essential character trait above
all others and get very upset when a child is dishonest. During the preschool
years, children have difficulty distinguishing fantasy from reality. As a result
they are prone to self-deceptions, exaggerations, and wishful thinking. The
school-age child, on the other hand, is more likely to tell the antisocial type
of lie, wherein a falsehood is deliberately told to avoid punishment, gain an
advantage over others, or demean others. Anak berbeda di tiap level
perkembangan moral mereka dan pemahaman tentang kebaikan. Piaget
distinguishes three stages in childrens beliefs about lying. Di tahap pertama
anak percaya bahwa berbohong itu salah karena merupakan objek dari
hukuman dari orang dewasa. Jika hukuman ingin dihapus, the lie would be
acceptable. Di tahap dua, a lie becomes something that is wrong in itself and
would remain so even if punishment were removed. Di tahap tiga, berbohong
itu salah karena di dalam konflik dengan mutual respect dan afeksi. In order
to understand the level your child is at, try asking the following questions:
Why is it naughty (wrong) to tell lies? Would it be all right to tell a lie if
you dont get caught and if no one punished you for it? By age 6 most
children are at stage two, while at age 12 about one-third of the children in our
society are at stage three.
Lying by children takes many forms, including:
simple reversals of truth: anak berkata dia sudah selesai dengan
pekerjaan rumahnya, padahal tidak.
exaggerations: a child magnifies her fathers strength when talking
with peers
fabrications: anak memberitahu temannya tentang perjalanan liburan
yang tidak pernah terjadi.
confabulations: a child tells a story that is partly true and partly false
wrong accusations: the child blames a sibling for spilling the milk
when he did it.
Reason Why
Among the common reasons children lie are the following:
a. self-defense: to escape the unpleasant consequences of behavior, such as
parental disapproval or punishment
b. denial: a way of handling painful memories, feelings, or fantasies.
c. Modeling: meniru contoh dari orang dewasa.
d. Ego-boasting: boasting or bragging to receive attention and admiration
e. Reality-testing: attempting to find out the difference between reality and
fantasy
f. Loyalty: proteksi terhadap anak lain
g. Hostility: act of general hostility towards others
h. Gain: to get something for oneself
i. Self-image: the child has been told repeatedly that she is a liar and has
come to believe it
j. Distrust: parents tend not to trust and believe a child when he tells the
truth, so the child prefers to lie.

3. cheating
like lying and stealing, cheating is a very common behavior youth. Studies
have confirmed that nearly everyone cheats sometime, depending on the
situation. It is not surprising, then, that a poll conducted by Princeton
Universitys campus newspaper in 1979 revealed that over 30 percent of the
colleges students had cheated on in-class examinations.
During the years 8 to 12, games with rules are the preferred play activity of
children. Quit competitive during these games, the children believe in strict
adherence to the rules. Some children, however, find it difficult to accept
defeat and will generally cheat at games. Often these children will be having
difficulty with academic learning. When confronted about the cheating, the
child will typically become quite angry, accuse the other of cheating, and act
as if he has been sorely mistreated. School-age children will not continue to
play with a child who constantly is unable to abide by rules and play fair
without losing her temper.
A chronic tendency to cheat seems related to the personality characteristic
called Machiavellianism. Persons high on this trait are characterized as
being manipulators, leaders, and individualist. They are reluctant to cheat at
the behest of others, but do so whenever they themselves deem it desirable.
When caught cheating, these persons are likely to vigorously deny any
wrongdoing.
Reasons Why
Among the common reasons for cheating at home or in school are:
a. external pressure to be tops in the class. The child has a win at any cost
mentality because of parental pressure to overachieve. It seems that
cheaters have a stronger need for adult approval than non-cheaters.
b. Before the age of 7, children tend to be egocentric. They see themselves as
the center of the universe, and demand to be first, to be best, ant to win at
all games.
c. Children who feel poorly prepared or generally inadequate and thus expect
to fail at a task are more likely to cheat.