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    Surviving Depression Together
    Surviving Depression Together
    Surviving Depression Together
    Ebook96 pages1 hour

    Surviving Depression Together

    By John Folk-Williams

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    About this ebook

    Based on the award-winning blog, Storied Mind, Surviving Depression Together presents in vivid first-person stories the strategies from one couple's experience for saving marriage and long-term relationships from the ravages of depression and chronic mental illness.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherJohn Folk-Williams
    Release dateJul 25, 2022
    ISBN9798201838058
    Surviving Depression Together
    Author

    John Folk-Williams

    John Folk-Williams, who has lived with depression since childhood, began writing journals as a form of therapy, then started his award-winning blog, Storied Mind, in 2007. Over the past years, thousands of readers have responded to his posts with their own stories since they knew they had a place to talk to each other where they would be understood. Storied Mind has won awards from PsychCentral, Healthline and other websites listing top blogs about depression. John has also written for HealthCentral and MentalHelp.net and has adapted the voluminous material of Storied Mind into the ebooks, Surviving Depression Together and A Mind for Life. A third book, Depression Present Tense, will soon be available.He has lived with his family and many generations of dogs and cats in New York, New Mexico, California and Minnesota, where he now indulges his love of science fiction through the blog SciFi Mind.

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      Book preview

      Surviving Depression Together - John Folk-Williams

      Disclaimer

      The contents of this ebook represent the views about depression and methods for dealing with it that I have learned from my own experience, extensive reading and exchanges with many others who have shared their struggles about living with this condition. I am not a psychiatrist or psychotherapist, and I have no formal training in any medical or mental health care profession. I offer these stories and personal reflections in the hope that they can be helpful to others living with similar problems.

      The ideas and advice contained in this ebook should not be considered or acted upon as therapy for depression or relationship problems that you may have. If you need assistance in dealing with depression and its effects on your life and relationships, you should seek help from appropriately trained and qualified professionals in psychiatry, psychotherapy, relationship counseling and related fields. You are responsible for choosing your treatment and getting professional counsel that is directly relevant to your needs and situation.

      The summaries of specific depression and relationship therapies contained in this ebook are brief accounts of my own experience and my personal interpretation and impressions of their use and effectiveness. I make no claims about the therapeutic accuracy of these descriptions or the results you might have in using them. There are references throughout the text to authoritative sources for further information about each method and, where available, directories of therapists trained in each technique. Please consult these and other sources for guidance in developing your own plan for treatment and therapy related to depression.

      Introduction to the Series 

      Since 2007, I’ve been writing Storied Mind, about getting my life back from depression. Writing has been my central method for confronting every aspect of the illness while learning how to live through it and how to live well.

      Although I had written in journals for years, it wasn’t until I turned to blogging that writing became a powerful tool for healing. The reason was simple. Readers wrote back. I realized I wasn’t alone.

      Storied Mind opened the door to an incredible online community of people who have contributed their own stories through thousands of comments. Their honesty and openness has convinced me that storytelling is a powerful form of therapy.

      Readers have asked the same questions I have, and we’ve struggled to find answers.

      •  What is the full impact of depression on our minds and bodies?

      •  How can we save our closest relationships from its effects?

      •  How can we keep working and have a career while dealing with depression?

      •  How can we find our paths to recovery and living well again?

      Storied Mind Ebooks respond to these compelling questions with a combination of new writing and extensively revised versions of the best posts from the blog. They contain no easy answers, but they do offer stories that might help you, as they have many other readers.

      You Can Survive Depression Together

      I've been married for over 40 years and spent most of that time in one phase or another of depression. My wife experienced much pain because of my behavior, and we came close to splitting up more than once. From reading dozens of stories online, including many sent to Storied Mind, I know that what we went through is not uncommon - though the outcome is often less happy than it has been for us.

      The stories I read tell of hurt, confusion, anger and desperation at the sudden transformation of their partners. They face strangers who flare up suddenly or withdraw in silence, who blame and threaten, who say they need to leave to find happiness. The stories of depressed partners sound a lot like mine. Little talk, lots of anger, emotional distance, dreams of escape - the list goes on. It varies with each person, but the result is the same. The relationship is threatened at its core.

      If you're going through this kind of agony, whether you’re the one suffering from depression or the partner facing the loss of the person you knew, I can say that it is possible to survive depression together. For us, it was by far the hardest and most demanding thing we had ever done, and there were many times when we were convinced there was no hope.

      For many years, I knew that I had depression, but I thought the illness was limited to the recurring episodes of emotional bleakness. I did not realize how pervasive its effects could be in clouding and scattering my thinking, intensifying anxiety and stress, filling my mind with obsessive and even paranoid thoughts and destroying my sense of self-worth. So I acted out and blamed my wife for what I felt until I could at last understand what depression really was. Then it was out in the open - a part of my daily awareness. I could begin to deal with it and commit myself to treatment. Finally, there was hope for my marriage.

      It's possible for partners estranged through depression to renew their closeness. It's hard, but I know it can be done. This ebook describes what we went through, some of the methods that helped us deal with the illness and ideas about what to do if nothing works.

      The theme is healing - of the depressed partner, of the partner trying to adapt to life changed by their loved one’s illness and of the relationship created between them. This is not a step-by-step manual but a record of personal struggles, of the hard work of getting well and, most important, of resilience and hope.

      I.  Where Have They Gone?

      ––––––––

      1. Depressed Partner Disappearing

      ––––––––

      I woke this morning saddened at the thought of how destructive depression has been to my marriage, as it must be to any sustained intimate relationship. What happens to my wife when I’m lost in an internal struggle? What does she go through? I’ve had all too many chances to find out.

      Her feelings and needs disappear from my awareness as I plunge into a maelstrom of self-contempt, obsessive thinking about everything wrong with me, extreme anxiety about each human encounter, hopelessness – and then my own struggle to fight against all that, to regain a firm enough footing in my sense of self-worth that I can face the day and get active.

      All that consumes energy, attention – it’s preoccupation with self, to be sure, and it’s the almost daily fight just to stay alive. In that state, I can no longer see or hear my wife.

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