Never Eat Alone

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Notes from Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi and Tahl Raz
By avid !oradi" moradi#wharton$%&enn$ed%

'!ore abo%t NeverEatAlone at htt&())www$NeverEatAlone$*om+


,e*tion -ne( The !ind.,et
/hen yo% hel& others" they often hel& yo%0 s%**ess in any field" es&e*ially in b%siness" is
abo%t working with &eo&le
Real networking is abo%t finding ways to make other &eo&le more s%**essf%l0 it is abo%t
working hard to give more than yo% get
1o%2ve got to be more than willing to a**e&t generosity0 often" yo%2ve got to go o%t and ask
for it
3nstead of thinking 45ow *an yo% hel& me67 think 45ow *an 3 hel& yo%67
A goal is a dream with a deadline0 think of yo%r goals and write them down0 yo%r goals m%st
be in writing0 yo%r goals m%st be s&e*ifi*" *hallenging and demanding" as well as believable0
set goals that re8%ire risk and %n*ertainty
,tart finding f%t%re *lients before yo% have anything to sell them0 get to know these &eo&le as
friends" not &otential *%stomers
There is geni%s" even kindness" in being bold0 &eo&le with a low toleran*e for risk" whose
behavior is g%ided by fear" have a low &ro&ensity for s%**ess0 besides" the worst anyone *an
say is no
The *hoi*e isn2t between s%**ess and fail%re9 it2s between *hoosing risk and striving for
greatness" or risking nothing and being *ertain of medio*rity0 The re*i&e for a*hievement is a
medley of self.ass%redness" dogged &ersisten*e" and a%da*ity
Being liked *an be the most &otent" *onstr%*tive for*e for getting b%siness done

,e*tion Two( The ,kill ,et
4Pre&aration is : if not the key to geni%s : then at least the key to so%nding like a geni%s7 :
/inston ;h%r*hill
All &eo&le nat%rally *are" generally above and beyond anything else" abo%t what it is they do0
if yo% are informed eno%gh to ste& *omfortably into their world and talk knowledgeably" their
a&&re*iation will be tangible0 as /illiam <ames wrote 4the dee&est &rin*i&le in h%man nat%re is
the *raving to be a&&re*iated7
Before yo% meet someone" find a &oint of *ommon gro%nd that is dee&er and ri*her than what
*an be dis*overed in a serendi&ito%s en*o%nter0 %se reso%r*es like =oogle to do this
Fre8%ently" &eo&le won2t get ba*k to yo% when yo% send them emails0 yo% have to &%t yo%r
ego aside and &ersist in *alling or writing0 setting %& meeting takes time0 it is %& to yo% to take
the initiative0 sometimes yo% may have to be aggressive0 try *alling at an %n%s%al time" like
>(??A! or @(A?P!" when someone who is b%sy is more likely to &i*k %& their own &hone
/hen *old *alling someone" *reating and maintaining a sense of o&timism and gentle &ress%re
aro%nd the a&&ointment is all &art of the dan*e
Try to make gatekee&ers like se*retaries yo%r allies0 never" ever get on his)her bad side0
always res&e*t the gatekee&er2s &ower0 treat them with the dignity they deserve0 if yo% do"
doors will o&en for yo% to even the most &owerf%l de*ision makers0 later" thank gatekee&ers
later by &hone" flowers or a note to make s%re yo% will be treated kindly the neBt time yo% want
a**ess
An email" letter" faB" or &ost*ard often has a better *han*e than an &hone *all of landing dire*tly
in the hands of the &erson yo%2re trying to rea*h
3nvisibility is a fate far worse than fail%re0 therefore yo% sho%ld always be rea*hing o%t to
others0 never" ever disa&&ear
C Behind any s%**essf%l &erson stands a long string of fail%res0 b%t to%ghness and tena*ity *an
over*ome these setba*ks
,hared interests are the basi* b%ilding blo*ks of any relationshi&0 make a list of things yo%2re
most &assionate abo%t0 %se yo%r &assions as a g%ide to whi*h a*tivities and events yo% sho%ld
be seeking o%t to *reate relationshi&s
Follow %& first0 the follow.%&s that &eo&le remember best are the ones they re*eive first0
give yo%rself DE to EF ho%rs after yo% meet someone to follow %&0 *ite something in &arti*%lar
yo% talked abo%t in the *o%rse of the *onversation" whi*h *an serve as a mental reminder of who
yo% are
on2t remind &eo&le of what they *an do for yo%" b%t fo*%s on what yo% might be able to do for
them0 even if it is G%st *li&&ing relevant arti*les and sending them to &eo&le in yo%r network who
might be interested
Always eB&ress gratit%de7
Never forget to follow %& with those who have a*ted as the go.between for yo% and someone
else
;onferen*es are good for mainly one thing( they &rovide a for%m to meet the kind of like.
minded &eo&le who *an hel& yo% f%lfill yo%r mission and goals0 on the other hand" real"
a*tionable insight mostly *ome from eB&erien*e" books and other &eo&le
5el&ing the organizer is a great way to meet &eo&le at *onferen*es0 *onta*t the organizer in
advan*e and tell them yo% are willing to devote a *h%nk of yo%r reso%r*es : be it time" *reativity
or *onne*tions : to make the event a smash hit
Ask 8%estions at *onferen*es0 a really well.formed and insightf%l 8%estion is a mini.
o&&ort%nity to get seen by the entire a%dien*e0 be s%re to introd%*e yo%rself" tell &eo&le what
*om&any yo% work for" and then ask a 8%estion that leaves the a%dien*e b%zzing
/hen meeting someone for the first time" fo*%s on them0 ask 8%estions revolved aro%nd what
the other &erson is thinking" what is tro%bling them
Try to *onne*t with s%&er.*onne*tors0 a dis&ro&ortionate amo%nt of s%&er.*onne*tors are
headh%nters" lobbyists" f%ndraisers" &oliti*ians" Go%rnalists" resta%rate%rs" and &%bli* relations
s&e*ialists0 these &eo&le *an im&rove yo%r network dramati*ally
3n one st%dy" H@I of &eo&le s%rveyed fo%nd their Gobs thro%gh &ersonal *onne*tions0 of those
&ersonal *onne*tions that rea&ed dividends for those s%rveyed" few were good friends0 in fa*t"
often the most im&ortant &eo&le in o%r network are those who are a*8%aintan*es0 this is what
resear*hers *all the Jstrength of weak ties7
A*8%aintan*es re&resent a so%r*e of so*ial &ower : the more a*8%aintan*es yo% have" the
more &owerf%l yo% are
Are there worlds yo% want more a**ess to6 3f so" see if yo% *an find a *entral fig%re within that
world to a*t as yo%r own one.&erson host *ommittee
,mall talk : the kind that ha&&ens between two &eo&le who don2t know ea*h other : is the
most im&ortant talk we do0 those who *an *onfidently make *onversation with anyone in any
sit%ation tend to be more s%**essf%l0 the goal of small talk( start a *onversation" kee& it going"
*reate a bond" and make the other &erson like yo%0 small talk needs to end on an invitation to
*ontin%e the relationshi&
/hen it *omes to making an im&ression" differentiation is the name of the game0 yo%
differentiate yo%rself by being yo%rself0 also" v%lnerability *an be a great way to differentiate
yo%rself
The best i*ebreaker is often a few words from the heart
1o% have abo%t D? se*onds before a &erson de*ides" s%b*ons*io%sly" whether they like yo% or
not0 it is not a time to &lay hard.to.get" kee& a distan*e" or &lay mysterio%s0 we sho%ld take the
initiative in *reating the im&ression we want to give0 smile and be the first to say hello" whi*h
demonstrates *onfiden*e and immediately shows yo%r interest in the other &erson
,%**essf%l *omm%ni*ation de&ends on the degree to whi*h we *an align o%rselves and o%r
style to mat*h those we intera*t with0 deliver yo%r message in a tone and style that fit the other
&erson best
/hen all else fails in small talk" say( 41o%2re wonderf%l : tell me more7

,e*tion Three( T%rning ;onne*tions 3nto ;om&atriots
3n yo%r initial *onversations with someone" try to find o%t what motivates them0 most &eo&le
are motivated by health" wealth" and *hildren0 health" wealth" and *hildren affe*t %s in ways
other a*ts of kindness do not0 when yo% hel& someone thro%gh a health iss%e" &ositively im&a*t
someone2s &ersonal wealth" or take a sin*ere interest in their *hildren" yo% engender life.bonding
loyalty
;onne*ting is a &hiloso&hy of life : its g%iding &rin*i&le is that every &erson yo% meet is an
o&&ort%nity to hel& and be hel&ed0 no one gets ahead in this world witho%t a lot of hel&
The only way to get &eo&le to do anything is to re*ognize their im&ortan*e and thereby make
them feel im&ortant0 every &erson2s dee&est lifelong desire is to be signifi*ant and to be
re*ognized
Kearn to be*ome indis&ensable0 start thinking abo%t how yo%2re going to make everyone
aro%nd yo% s%**essf%l0 think of it as a game : when someone mentions a &roblem" try to think
of sol%tions0 don2t wait to be asked" G%st do it
Real &ower *omes from being indis&ensable0 indis&ensability *omes from being a
swit*hboard" &ar*eling o%t as m%*h information" *onta*ts" and goodwill to as many &eo&le : in as
many different worlds : as &ossible0 try to make a &oint of knowing as many &eo&le from as
many different &rofessions and so*ial gro%&s as &ossible0 &eo&le who have *onta*ts in se&arate
gro%&s have a *om&etitive advantage be*a%se we live in a system of b%rea%*ra*ies
41o% *an be more s%**essf%l in two months by be*oming really interested in other &eo&le2s
s%**ess than yo% *an in two years trying to get other &eo&le interested in yo%r own s%**ess7 :
ale ;arnegie
>? &er*ent of b%ilding and maintaining relationshi&s is G%st staying in to%*h
Peo&le yo%2re *onta*ting to *reate a new relationshi& need to see or hear yo%r name in at least
three modes of *omm%ni*ation before there is s%bstantive re*ognition
A shared meal in yo%r own home is a &owerf%l way to *omfort" n%rt%re" and *onne*t &eo&le0
try to %se s%*h events to meet new &eo&le %sing an an*hor tenant0 an an*hor tenant will allow
yo% to rea*h o%t beyond yo%r *ir*le and &%ll in &eo&le who wo%ldn2t otherwise attend

,e*tion Fo%r( Trading L& and =iving Ba*k
Be interesting0 &eo&le tend to hire &eo&le they like0 b%t also remember that &eo&le hire
those they think *an make them and their *om&anies better0 so be aware of what yo% have to
say that others might benefit from yo%
3n every Gob and at every stage in my *areer" 3 have had some eB&ertise" some *ontent that
differentiated me from others and made me %ni8%e" made me more val%able in my relationshi&s
with others and the *om&any 3 worked for0 what will set yo% a&art from everybody else is the
relentless yo% bring to learning and &resenting and selling yo%r *ontent
;reativity in b%siness is often nothing more than making *onne*tions that everyone else has
almost tho%ght of0 yo% don2t need to reinvent the wheel" G%st atta*h it to a new wagon
The one thing that no one has fig%red o%t how to o%tso%r*e is the *reation of ideas0 a %ni8%e
&oint of view is one of the only ways to ens%re that today" tomorrow and a year from now yo%2ll
have a Gob
There is no better way to learn something and be*ome an eB&ert at it that to have to tea*h it
3dentify the &eo&le in yo%r ind%stries who always seem to be o%t in front" and %se all the
relationshi& skills yo%2ve a*8%ired to *onne*t with them0 take them to l%n*h0 read their
newsletters
To this day" 3 fa*e reGe*tion on a reg%lar basis0 &assion kee&s going thro%gh the ro%gh
times0 there will be *ontin%al *hanges and *hallenges re8%iring yo% to be &ersistent and
*ommitted
evelo& a ni*he0 think of several areas where yo%r *om&any %nder&erforms and *hoose to
fo*%s on the one area that is least attended to
Powerf%l *ontent *omm%ni*ated in a *om&elling story *an energize yo%r network and hel& yo%
a*hieve yo%r mission0 for eBam&le" in telling a gri&&ing story" the alai Kama %nderstands that
the message m%st be both sim&le and %niversal0 fig%re o%t how to s&in yo%r story in a fashion
that is aM sim&le to %nderstand and bM everybody *an relate to0 what tr%ly moves %s as h%man
beings and &rom&ts %s into a*tion is emotion
Few talents are more im&ortant to managerial s%**ess than knowing how to tell a good story
Fo*%s on yo%r &ersonal brand0 3 went o%t of my way to take on &roGe*t no one wanted and
initiated &roGe*ts no one had tho%ght of doing0 3 sent re*ommendations to the ;E-0 he never
res&onded" b%t 3 never sto&&ed sending those emails
To be*ome a brand" yo%2ve got to be*ome relentlessly fo*%sed on what yo% do that adds
val%e0 try to initiate &roGe*ts on yo%r own and in yo%r s&are time
4Everyone sees what yo% a&&ear to be0 few really know what yo% are7 : !a*hiavelli
3n*reased visibility might be im&ortant for yo%r *areer" and for eBtending o%r network of
*olleag%es and friends0 &eo&le who are known beyond the walls of their own *%bi*le have a
greater val%e
Try to *reate b%zz aro%nd yo%r interests0 think abo%t how re&orters *an hel& yo% *reate
b%zz0 the maGority of Go%rnalists2 stories are from &eo&le who have so%ght Go%rnalists o%t" not the
other way aro%nd
,tart making *alls to the re&orters who *over yo%r ind%stry0 have l%n*h with them0 s&end
time reading their arti*les" fig%ring o%t what they *over" and what kinds of stories their
&%bli*ations like to r%n
Kearn to be brief0 &i*k the most interesting &oints abo%t yo%r story and make them fast" make
them *olorf%l" and make them *at*hy
;onsider writing arti*les for &%bli*ations0 arti*les &rovide a terrifi* environment for meeting
anyone anywhere0 the odds will never be sta*ked so *learly in yo%r favor0 *onsider sharing
*redit and offering a byline to the &erson who be*omes most hel&f%l0$ /el*ome their *o.
a%thorshi&0 by arti*le2s end" whether it2s been &%blished or not" yo%2ve managed to learn a great
deal and to meet a gro%& of im&ortant &eo&le who &otentially might be im&ortant to yo%r f%t%re
Rea*h o%t to the sort of im&ortant &eo&le that *an make a differen*e in yo%r life and the lives of
others0 seeking the infl%en*e of &owerf%l &eo&le in o%r lives in not *rass or misg%ided : it *an
be enormo%sly hel&f%l0 the more a**om&lished the &eo&le we asso*iate with" the greater o%r
ins&irations be*ome
Tr%st is the essential element of miBing with &owerf%l and famo%s &eo&le : tr%st that yo%2ll be
dis*reet" tr%st that yo% have no %lterior motives behind yo%r a&&roa*h
Big *om&any ;E-s realize that to make things ha&&en : whether it2s &%bli* &oli*y or a big deal
with a &%bli* *om&any : yo% need others
There is no s%bstit%te for &ersonal initiative
Ben Franklin believed every &erson sho%ld be &art of a so*ial gro%&" if not three0 he believed
a gro%& of like.minded" a*hievement.oriented individ%als *o%ld dramati*ally leverage ea*h other2s
s%**ess to do things otherwise im&ossible
The most im&ortant lesson of all( Never give in to h%bris
;ommitments aren2t *ommitments %nless everyone involved knows what is on the table with
absol%te *larity
Potential mentors ta*itly noti*e yo%r res&e*t for them and are flattered by the attention yo% give
them0 there2s no better way to signal yo%r interest in be*oming their mentee
3t never h%rts to ask : the worst anyone *an say is no
Finding a talented" eB&erien*ed mentor who is willing to invest the time and effort to develo&
yo% as a &erson and a &rofessional is far more im&ortant than making *areer de*isions based
&%rely on salary or &restige0 atta*h yo%rself to great &eo&le and great tea*hers
!entors often offer g%idan*e be*a%se mentees &romise something in ret%rn : they will work
nonsto& in an effort to %se the mentor2s im&arted knowledge to make the mentor and his firm
more s%**essf%l0 also" mentors m%st *are abo%t their mentees

-ther Notes
-n asking someone for *areer advi*e( 432m thinking of transitioning into yo%r ind%stry at some
&oint$ 3s there anyone yo% know who yo% think *o%ld lend some hel&f%l advi*e67
-n Bill ;linton( ;linton %sed to Got down names and information abo%t &eo&le he met in a little
bla*k address book he *arried aro%nd with him0 when asked why" he said 432m going into &oliti*s
and &lan to r%n for governor of Arkansas0 32m kee&ing tra*k of everyone 3 meet70 ;linton wo%ld
make it a nightly habit to re*ord" on indeB *ards" the names and vital information of every &erson
whom he2d met that day0 the lessons we *an learn from this( NDM the more s&e*ifi* yo% are abo%t
where yo% want to go in life" the easier it be*omes to develo& a networking strategy to get there
and NEM be sensitive to making a real *onne*tion in yo%r intera*tions with others$
-n *old *alling( 4on2t *old *all : ever0 instead" make a warm *all0 try to get others to make
a *onne*tion0 fo%r r%les to warm *alling( NDM *onvey *redibility by mentioning a familiar &erson or
instit%tion" NEM state yo%r val%e &ro&osition how *an 3 hel& yo%" NAM im&art %rgen*y and
*onvenien*e by being &re&ared to do whatever it takes whenever it takes to meet the other
&erson on his)her own terms" NFM be &re&ared to offer a *om&romise that se*%res a definite
follow.%&7