STUFF

HOWTOINTIMIDATE PEOPLE
By: Ryan Fletcher
Photo by Bruno Bayley
It started in the playground, where that sweaty bully dished out bad insults and made you feel like
a putz. Years later, you're still being intimidated: on the street at night, in job interviews, at pickup
basketball games, when someone says something nasty to you in the barin all these situations
you're stuck being the victim rather than the aggressor, the one who has to back down while your
tormentor makes that shit-eating grin at you. Don't you wish there was a way to shut him or her
up, to force that clown into a humiliating retreat? Not by throwing a punch, of course, since that
could end with you in a jail cell or badly beaten or both. You're going to win this fight without it ever
becoming a fight.
The problem is, not everybody has a natural knack for intimidation. Practice makes perfect, but
since firsthand research in this field can be slightly hazardous, I thought I'd get some pointers
from a group of individuals who are skilled in getting the bullies of life to back the fuck off.
VICE does not advocate the use of violence or illegal activity, nor do we advise you to put yourself
into a position of danger.
Click through below to read intimidation tips from:
THE GANGSTER
THE HOMICIDEDETECTIVE AND HOSTAGENEGOTIATOR
THE BOUNCER AND FORMER SOCCER HOOLIGAN
THE SUPERMARKET SECURITY GUARD
THE DRUGDEALER
THE DRAGQUEEN
An LSD Trip Helped Me
Quit Smoking
French Philosopher
Jacques Lacan Was Sort
of a Dick
Phil Hartman's Mr. Potato
Head Blues
We Got Our 'Twin Peaks'
Revival, Now What?
RECOMMENDED
Jimmy Tippett Junior (right) with Dave Courtney (left) and Jimmy Tippett Senior (center)
THE GANGSTER
Crime family member Jimmy Tippet Junior counts some of Britain's most notorious villains
among his drinking buddies. His dad, Jimmy Tippett Senior, presided over his turf as the
"Governor of Lewisham" from the 60s to the 80s. Jimmy Junior got out of jail last year after
serving time for his part in a 250,000 ($400,000) jewelry heist and is currently staying clear of the
guns, money, drugs, and crime that have characterized his life so far.
Do you know what it is [that intimidates people]? It's being really nice. Now, I would be as nice as
pie if I was trying to intimidate someone, 'cause the more horrible you are the more it doesn't
work. People who scream and shout threats"I'll shoot you! I'll break your legs!"I laugh at
people like that. I would be the most charming, nicest guy possible. That person will go home,
google me and the people around me, and see all this bad shit.
When I was in my late teens I was a nasty, vicious little bastard. I wouldn't think twice about
sticking a knife in somebody or cutting them. If I wanted to intimidate someone I'd find out who
was the biggest, hardest man in that area and then use extreme violence on them so everyone
knows who I am. I wouldn't do that now, but that's what I used to do.
"FORGET BRAWN CONFIDENCE ISNUMBER ONE."
All the bad things I've done have made me the person I am now. I'm very confident; I don't worry
about anybody or anything, anytime or anywhere. Forget brawnconfidence is number one.
That's why I'm nice when I do things. The history you've built up makes the person. I'd turn up and
be like, "Listen, this is how it is. You know who I am." I'd do it that way rather than threaten
somebody.
If I was going to see someone and they had a large sum of money and I had to recover that
money, I would turn up on my own, buy them a coffee, and be really nice. But in the background
there would be two big lumpsscary motherfuckersjust standing in the vicinity. So the person
would see all this going on, go away, and do his homework on me. It breaks his brain down.
It's like Tetriswhacking away the bricks. I've always turned up with a result, and it's never failed
me. Life is a game. Every day you wake up and get dressed and you're going onto a stagea
platformto do what you gotta do to better yourself.
I'm very headstrong. I refuse to lose. I'll go all the way. No one will ever beat me. If you beat me
with your hands, I'll come back with a bat. If you beat me with a bat, I'll come back... well, now I
don't get involved in things like that.
THE HOMICIDE DETECTIVE AND HOSTAGE NEGOTIATOR
Bob Bridgestock was a heroic cop who talked people down from the tops of buildings and
persuaded maniacs not to shoot their captives. During his 30 years on the force he took charge of
26 murder investigations, as well as investigating drive-by shootings, kidnappings, and extortion
schemes.
The golden rule is treat people how you want to be treated. But sometimes you have to take
control. You are a person in authority. Some people will not listen to a single word you say.
Whether they're in the right or in the wrong, they just won't listen. They try it on to start with, to test
what reaction you have. Will you take a step backward? Will you stand your ground? If you stand
your ground they've got a problem. It's talking to people, but you've got to be firm.
Hostage negotiation is a totally different level. In some respects, if they're threatening to kill
somebody, it's like the person is threatening to jump off the bridge or stick the knife in their own
neck. I've been to people where they're bare-chested, have a bandana around their head, and are
leaning against a samurai sword, and they say, "If you come through the door I'm gonna push
myself straight into this sword." You say, "Well, look, I've got an ambulance outside. If you do that
you're going to be in a lot of pain. You might not die, and if you do that I'll have to come in. I'm not
going anywhere."
"HE'SGOT A FIREARM, AND HE'S SHOUTINGAND
SCREAMINGTHAT HE'SGONNATURN THEGAS TAPS ON AND
KILL HIMSELF AND EVERYBODYELSE."
I've been in armored trucks where we've driven right up to somebody's window. He's got a
firearm, and he's shouting and screaming that he's gonna turn the gas taps on and kill himself and
everybody else. You could easily give up, but you don't. It's a case of, "Look, we're not going
anywhere; you're not going to do that; the gas has been turned off in the street so that isn't going
to work. The truck is armored; you're not going to injure anyone in here." Eventually, you wear
them down.
Fortunately, I've never been in a situation where I've lost somebodywhether to suicide or
kidnapping or anything like that. I don't know how I'd have coped.
Interviews are different again. Part of the interview technique is silence. It makes people
uncomfortable. I've known [lawyers] to kick people under the table when they start to talk to remind
them [to shut up].
Illustration by Cei Willis
THE BOUNCER AND FORMER FOOTBALL HOOLIGAN
Part-time bouncer and ex-football hooligan Phil "just likes scrapping." He says that age, injuries,
and the need to keep a steady job have taught him how to navigate conflict without resorting to
fisticuffssort of.
Make it look like you're fearless and up for anything. A few years ago I saw a guy while I was on a
night out who had a reputation for being quite hard. I was coked up, so I started giving him shit.
I tried it on with his [girl] in front of him, and when he got pissy, I asked him what he was going to
do about it. He left it, so a little later, when I saw him at the bar, I pushed him out the way, picked
up his drink, and poured it all over his shoes. Then I just stood there, smiling.
He walked off again, and I was feeling pretty pleased with myself, until he smashed a bar stool
over the back of my head while I was sitting down. He got dragged out before I could get hold of
him, but I was shouting at the cunt that I was going to find out where he lived.
[At this point in Phil's story I remarked that his tactics seemed to have failed miserably. But he
insisted that they proved the guy was scared to fight him face to face, and that I should shut up
and just let him carry on with what he was saying.]
I saw him a few weeks later around town when I wasn't on drugs. I didn't feel like starting on him
again, so I walked over and told him to buy me a pint, which he did. When he handed me my pint I
said that I was so happy we were friends I felt like burning my own house down. That seemed to
do the trick.
If you're working the doors, you should get to the gym and make sure you're stacked. It's better to
look big and have some power behind you. Learn some takedowns as well, and get in a few fights
beforehand so you've got some confidence. Take up MMA or something. Don't be afraid to invade
people's personal space, push them around, and stand in their way.
Freaking people out and saying weird shit can also help. Like if someone's arguing and getting in
your face, ask them what their star sign isbut shout it at them. Then ask quietly how big their
cock is.
Whoever was doing a security job in Woolwich Lidl circa 2007 was evidently doing it pretty well.
THE SUPERMARKET SECURITY GUARD
Danny came to England from Nigeria on a student visa to better himself and now works in a
supermarket in an overcrowded and impoverished part of London, where arresting shoplifters is
low on the list of police priorities. The supermarket was a long way from the run-ins he had in
Lagos, but after a short time on the job he realized his own brand of Nigerian justice would come in
handy.
This fella, he come in every now and then, nicked a few things, and run off. One day he got me
into trouble, which I didn't find funny. He put a few things in his basket as normaltomatoes, rice,
and whatnotas well as a bottle of whiskey down his pants. I was watching on the camera, and
just as he went up to the till I came out of the office. By the time I arrived, he'd run away. All the
items were on the till except the drink. The manager was fuming, but I was like, "He'll be back
again."
A few weeks went past, and he showed up. Same old thinghe grabbed some whiskey. I didn't
even wait for him to go by the till. As soon as he put it in his pants I walked up and was like, "Yo,
can I get those things?" He was like, "I'm gonna put it back on the shelf." I was like, "Uh, uh, uh. Do
you have the money to pay for the ones you took before?"
Me and the other guard took him to the manager's office. We searched him, and he only had a
couple of pennies. I said, "How you gonna pay for a bottle of whiskey with pennies? I'm gonna
have to take something. If we get the money back, you get your stuff back." So I said, "I like your
shoes." He was being a dickhead, so I said, "I like your trousers, toowith the belt onand if I
have to take them off you I'm gonna knock you out first 'cause I can't be struggling." I wanted to
take his socks as well, but they weren't my type. He took them off and I was like, "Are you gonna
come back with the money?" He said he'd be back in a minute. This was January, and it was
freezing cold. I was like, "Off you go."
Another guy came around a different day doing the usualstealing items and threatening people. I
got him back. In the office I said, "Have you got payment on you?" Obviously not. When I searched
him all he had was his passport, so I took it. I think it still might be in the manager's office. I never
saw him again in my life.
Photo by Giorgi Nieberidze
THE DRUG DEALER
Marlon is in his 30s and a career drug dealer. Intimidation has been part of his day-to-day
existence since he started selling weed on the banks of London's Grand Union Canal in the
1990s.
If youre dealing with a street punter [buyer], there is a balance of power. Intimidating someone
who has already made himself vulnerable by buying illegal drugs is easy.
Most of the time, putting the shits up someone is more about the threat of violence than violence
itself. It depends on who the target is. I used to have some right curtain-twitching neighbors, but
they were sorted out easilyI just told them to fuck off, keep their curtains closed, stay inside.
My business depends on controlling the lines of credit I give out to my customers, and I use
different stages of intimidation. The first stage of getting to people is friendly. Im just like a bank or
a debt collector. Its constant phone calls and text messages. This will normally nudge the
average middle-class kid to pay up. Then, if that doesnt work, Ill threaten the fuckers with
violence. That usually reels in the rest.
"IF ADEALER OWES MEMONEY AND HECAN'T PAY, HEWILL
EXPECT ASLAP."
Most people freeze in the face of cold-blooded violence. Just a slap around the chops is well
outside their comfort zone. Its the speed and ferocity with which you turn from a friend to a foe
that catches people off balance. Ive seen grown men well up with fear.
If a dealer owes me money and he cant pay, he will expect a slap. If someone steals from me, he
can expect to get battered. Its not as random as it might appear. But this doesnt even come
close to dealing with my rivals over turf. Its not purely about numbers or firepower, but about
reputation, acting with confidenceyou need an element of surprise; that is what intimidates
people.
Power is people knowing I wont back down. The last time someone tried to muscle in on my
game we went to war. Within hours we had kidnapped two rivals and blown out the windows of a
house of a close relative of a third with a sawn-off shotgun. We just continued to hit them until they
surrendered.
But intimidation is not just about violence. If you are holding personal information about someone
you can dangle them from a thread. In this game its about threatening to tip off police or
immigration services, or threatening families overseas. Its dirty; we all know it.
This section by Max Daly
THE DRAG QUEEN
By day, Mercedes Bends supervises construction workers; at night she's part of the Brighton
drag scene and has dealt with her fair share of leering drunks and horny men. She likes to deploy
a non-gender-specific array of weapons to combat haters, whether she's at her job or in the bar.
Drag queens can be really scary. I can do it. Obviously I don't do it for the sake of it, but I can turn
it on if I have to. There's something unhinging about someone who looks so girly but has the
physical aggression of a man. Women are good at mental torture, whereas a man will punch. The
combination of the two creates a powerful effect.
I used to work in a bar in Brighton that catered to [bachelor and bachelorette parties]. Straight guys
who would normally mock gays would come in. Without my drag, they would have the ability to
intimidate me. The drag was like an armor that gave me the upper hand.
"I'LL FLATTEN YOU WITH ONELINE, SUGAR-TITS."
Building sites can be really aggressive places, too. But it's just about baring your teeth bigger than
they can. A lot of people who work in manual-labor jobs and want to cause trouble are quite
simple. All I have to do is use a word with a couple more syllables, and they're mentally
intimidated.
Mostly it's the delivery. I've got the sort of attitude where I'll go straight in for the kill. I'll flatten you
with one line, sugar-tits. When I first started on sites I'd get a lot of comments, but I'd be so quick
with the comeback that I'd kill them with humor.
When someone pretends to try it on with me, which has happened so many times, I just turn it
around on them. I've never been retiring about it. "Come on then, darling. Let's go do it. Get it out."
They turn into nervous little boys. For example, there was a black guy on site; he came up behind
me and started touching me up. I turned around to him and said, "I've never been with a black guy
before. Do you fancy it?"
I've caused whole pub brawls because people have been intimidated by the sexual element.
Once, at the Brighton bar, a guy came in with a group of his mates. He ended up taking a real
shine to me. Next thing I know, there's a brawl. His brother kicked off 'cause he was paying me too
much attention. He was shouting: "My brother's not going home with a cock in a bra." The barman
got involved and started lamping people, and I waded in there in full drag.