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101 Freedom Exercises

101
FREEDOM
EXERCISES
A Christian Guide
for Sexual Addiction Recovery
Third Edition
Douglas Weiss, Ph.D.
Discovery Press
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101 Freedom Exercises
1997, 2000, 2009, by Douglas W. Weiss, Ph.D.
P.O. Box 51055
Colorado Springs, CO 80949
All rights reserved. Third Edition 2009
Printed in the United States of America
No portion of this publication may be reproduced
in any manner without the written permission of the publisher
ISBN #1-881292-23-1
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101 Freedom Exercises
CONTENTS
Introduction 7
PART ONE: BEGINNING FREEDOM TECHNIQUES
Exercise Page
1 Daily Time for Recovery . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11
2 Cleaning House . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12
3 Early Prayer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13
4 Reading Recovery Material . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14
5 Call Someone . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15
6 Going to Support Groups . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16
7 Evening Prayer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17
8 The Five Commandments (A 90-Day Checklist) . . . . . . . . 18
9 Maximized Thinking . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20
10 HIV Test . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21
11 Retraining the Brain . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22
12 Beginner's Bibliotherapy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23
13 The Three-Second Rule . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24
14 Pray for Those We Objectify . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25
15 Looking Them in the Eyes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26
16 Trigger Groups . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27
17 Where Not to Go . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28
18 Who I Shouldn't See . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 29
19 Boundaries: Entertainment . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30
20 Boundaries: Objects . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34
21 Boundaries: Being Sexual with Myself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35
22 Masturbation Checklist . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36
23 Listing my Boundaries . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37
24 Boundaries about Boundaries . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39
25 Sexual Boundaries . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40
26 Sexual Boundaries for the Unmarried . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42
27 Internet Boundaries . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43
28 Rerouting . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 44
29 Defensive Driving . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45
30 Accountability: Time . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46
31 Accountability: Money . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47
32 Step One . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48
33 Ninety Meetings in Ninety Days . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49

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101 Freedom Exercises
34 Using Check-in Times . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50

35 My Sponsor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51
36 Identifying and Communicating Feelings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 52
37 Dangerous "E" Zones . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .54
38 Action Plan for my Feelings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 55
39 Avoid H.A.L.T. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .56
40 My Worst Moment . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 58
41 What My Addiction Cost Me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .59
42 Cost Card . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .60
43 Reward Card . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61
44 Calling Card . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 62
45 Turning "It" Over . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 63
46 Relapse and Research . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 64
47 Travel Tips . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 65
PART TWO: PERSONAL GROWTH FREEDOM TECHNIQUES
48 Step Two . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 69
49 What My Addiction Gave Me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 70
50 Thank You Letter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 71
51 What My Addiction Took From Me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 72
52 Goodbye Letter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 74
53 Empty Chair . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .75
54 Grief Stages . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 76
55 Meeting My Needs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .78
56 My Wife . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 79
57 Step Three . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 80
58 Five Years From Now: Unrecovered . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 81
59 Picture Yourself: Unrecovered . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 82
60 Five Years From Now: Recovering . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 83
61 Picture Yourself: Recovering . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 85
62 My Family and Addiction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 86
63 Sex Addiction in my Family . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 87
64 My Sexual History . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 88
65 Sex Cycles and Strategies . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 89
66 Types of Sex . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 90
67 Sexual Systems . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 91
68 Sexual Assertiveness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 92
69 Rejection Desensitization . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 93
70 Sex Talk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 94
71 Sex: Spirit, Soul and Body . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 95
72 Sex Tips . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 96
73 My Sex Plan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .97
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101 Freedom Exercises
74 Professional Counseling . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98

75 Read a Book on Partners . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .99
76 Step Four . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 100
77 Step Five . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 101
78 Sponsoring Others . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 102
79 Growing Up . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 103
80 My Relationship with Dad . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 106
81 My Relationship with Mom . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 109
82 My Relationship with God . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 111
83 Abuses and Neglects . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 115
84 My Perpetrators . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 116
85 What You Did to Me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 117
86 Ranking my Perpetrator(s) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 118
87 Letter(s) to my Perpetrator(s) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 119
88 Step Six . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 120
89 Step Seven . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 121
90 The Victims . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 122
91 How I Hurt Them . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .123
92 Empathy Letter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .124
93 Self-Forgiveness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .125
94 But God . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 126
95 Step Eight . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 127
96 Step Nine . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 128
PART THREE: MAINTAINING FREEDOM TECHNIQUES
97 Step Ten . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .131
98 Develop New Interests . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .132
99 Step Eleven . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .133
100 Step Twelve . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .134
101 Giving it Away . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 135

APPENDIX
A Feelings List
B The Time/Cost Card
C The Twelve Steps
D Support Groups
E Heart to Heart Materials and Services
F Freedom Groups


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101 Freedom Exercises
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101 Freedom Exercises
INTRODUCTION
101 Freedom Exercises: A Christian Guide for Sexual Addiction Recovery has been
written for Christians who struggle with sex addiction and desire techniques to assist them
throughout the different development stages of their recovery. As a recovering sex addict with
more than 21 years of successful recovery, my personal recovery journey has educated me im-
mensely about the recovery process. I personally have practiced many of the exercises in the
pages ahead. Additionally, as a therapist, researcher, author and lecturer on the subject of sexual
addiction, I have compiled these exercises and principles, which have successfully helped many
addicts to begin and maintain their freedom from sexual addiction.
These exercises are listed in the chronological order recommended for the progression
of the sex addict's recovery. The journey of recovery teaches us "frst things frst." I encourage
you not to pick and choose which exercises you will or will not do, but rather receive from each
exercise the insight it has to offer as you complete the exercise.
This book can most certainly be used in conjunction with therapy or as part of a 12-step
or church support group. My hope is you receive the precious gift of recovery Jesus Christ has
to offer, as I have, and maintain it the rest of your life for your beneft and for the beneft of
others.
If we can be of any service along the way, feel free to write to Heart to Heart Counsel-
ing Center, P.O. Box 51055, Colorado Springs, Colorado 80949 or call (719) 278-3708. You
can also visit our website at www.sexaddict.com. Some of our materials related to sexual
addiction include books, DVDs and CDs. Support products are also available for wives in a
relationship with a sex addict. Telephone counseling is available for those who want to counsel
with Dr. Weiss or an independent therapist trained by Dr. Weiss. We are available to minister
to the church body as well through training seminars and men's meetings. For more in depth
services, see the appendix of this book. We look forward to helping you become and stay free
from sexual addiction. If God calls you into this ministry of healing, and you would like to
start a freedom group in your church, see the appendix of this workbook to learn how you can
begin a freedom group. If you do start a group, please notify our offce so we can refer those
who call us and are in need of a group.
Douglas Weiss
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101 Freedom Exercises
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101 Freedom Exercises
PART ONE:
BEGINNING FREEDOM TECHNIQUES
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101 Freedom Exercises