JQ2 Rough Draft 12-26-11

JourneyQuest
Season 2
ROUGH DRAFT
December 26, 2011
by
Matt Vancil
EPISODE I
EXT. QUAINT VILLAGE - DAY 1 1
CAPTION: A year ago ...
A burly, dim-witted DRUNK dances and carouses.
PULL BACK. The drunk is actually a GIANT, some 18 feet tall.
He drains his cup and CHEERS.
GIANT
That warms real good!
Hands on his knees, he leans down over WREN.
GIANT
Song-girl got more?
WREN
Please, Im not here.
He bellows a drunken LAUGH and points at her.
GIANT
HA HA! You right there! Boo!
Wren forces a LAUGH. Across the grounds, the impatient MAYOR
of the village and a bored KNIGHT sends her a look that says
Are we gonna do this?!
MAYOR
Could we get on with it?
GIANT
(to Wren)
Youre good-nice!
WREN
Thank you. Thanks. But dont you
want to-?
GIANT
No more cow bash!
WREN
Ah... good? But surely, isnt it
about time you got on with the
whole-?
GIANT
Cow bash done! Me go home.
Angry MUTTERS from the assembled TOWNSFOLK. They send angry
looks Wrens way. The Knight turns to the Mayor.
KNIGHT
Is it gonna be much longer? Ive
got maidens to deflower.
MAYOR
What seems to be the hold up?
WREN
Working on it! And Im not here!
GIANT
Me go home, have big sleep.
The Giant YAWNS, wipes the sweat from his brow.
GIANT
Hot too big.
He brightens with an idea, leans over Wren again.
GIANT
Wanna see me take off shirt?
WREN
Im not here! You cant talk to
me!
The Giant, LAUGHING, struggles to take off his sweaty smock.
He trips and falls, CRUSHING the Knight under his posterior.
GIANT
HA HA! Butt go crush.
For a moment, the Mayor and Townsfolk gape in shock. Then:
MAYOR
Get her!
The Townsfolk ROAR and charge Wren. She skedaddles with a
YELP. The Giant waves bye-bye as they chase her out of town.
EXT. OUTSIDE QUAINT VILLAGE - DAY - INTRO BIT 2 2
Townsfolk chase Wren with torches and pitchforks.
GRAPHIC: JourneyQuest
CAPTION: Episode I: An Epic?
2.
INT. HEADMISTRESSS STUDY - DAY 3 3
The HEADMISTRESS - 50s, a silver-haired beauty - glares down
from her desk at Wren, who sits perched on a tiny stool.
HEADMISTRESS
WREN-!
WREN
I can explain! I merely suggested
that he might feel a bit more brave
if he took the edge off. I didnt
know hed get plastered.
HEADMISTRESS
So you interfered.
WREN
No! Hardly! I mean, if you want
to be technical, maybe. A little.
HEADMISTRESS
What is the Grand Tenet of the
Bards Guild?
WREN
The knight was gonna kill him! Is
it his fault their cows kept
pooping in his river?
HEADMISTRESS
The Grand Tenet, Wren. What is it?
Wren somehow sinks deeper onto her stool.
WREN
Do not interfere.
HEADMISTRESS
Do not interfere.
The Headmistress rises, slips into in lecture mode, circles
Wren on her stool. Wren mouths her words along with her.
HEADMISTRESS
A bards duty is to observe and
record, to preserve history in song
for the enlightenment of future
generations. We allow events to
unfold naturally, and do nothing to
influence their outcome.
3.
Back at her desk, the Headmistress whirls on Wren, who snaps
her mouth shut.
HEADMISTRESS
Like by saving a protagonists
life. Or pointing out the right
path. Or giving him water when
hes dying in the desert!
WREN
It was apple juice.
HEADMISTRESS
Missing the point! How do you ever
expect to graduate if you cant
grasp this one basic principle?
WREN
I would graduate if youd just give
me an epic! Im ready!
HEADMISTRESS
An epic? Are you mad?!
WREN
Ive been a journeyman for years!
Im wasted on ballads!
HEADMISTRESS
Absolutely not! The cheek of it!
Any normal student would have been
expelled by now. Your familys the
only reason youre still here!
Wren storms off. A moment later, she returns to knock over a
figurine on the desk before storming out again.
INT. THRONE ROOM - TRANSIS 4 4
KARN, 30s - a mountain of a man, his face and crown painted
crimson with blood - looks up and scowls across his throne
room. He hefts his huge bloody axe, SLAMS it into the floor.
Across from him, a host of COURTIERS flinches. Between Karn
and the Courtiers lies a sea of corpses: some in armor, some
in court clothes, many in the black trappings of ASSASSINS.
KARN
Who else disputes my rule?
The Courtiers shake their heads, tails between legs.
4.
KARN
Witness! I hold the crown I won
with my own hand! See the leaders
of your pathetic rebellion laid
before my sandalled feet. Now hear
my will, for my word is law!
A hushed silence falls over the crowd.
KARN
All children shall receive an
education, regardless of class.
Startled MURMURS from the Courtiers. The kingdoms spindly
CHAMBERLAIN puts on a smile, bows obsequiously.
CHAMBERLAIN
Noble Karn-
KARN
Silence! All positions of power
and leadership shall be based on
merit rather than birth!
Incensed MURMURS. The Courtiers burgeoning rage seems
poised to overtake their fear. The Chamberlain tries again.
CHAMBERLAIN
Noble Karn-
KARN
SILENCE! All citizens shall have
access to medicine and healers, and
all servants of the state shall
receive a pension in their dotage.
An apoplectic ARISTOCRAT draws a dagger, shrieks-
ARISTOCRAT
Death to the barbarian tyrant!
-and charges Karn, BELLOWING. Without taking his eyes off
the crowd, Karn kills him (off screen) with a single swift
chop. Karn points at the Aristocrats corpse.
KARN
See to his family.
He slings the axe across his massive shoulders, glares.
KARN
Now. Who else disputes my rule?
5.
Zero response. Karn GRUNTS, cracks a hint of a smile.
KARN
Ill civilize you yet, Transis.
He turns back to his throne. A horde of ninja-looking
ASSASSINS materialize form the crowd.
CHAMBERLAIN
Noble Karn!
The Assassins charge. Karn whirls with inhuman speed. His
axe flashes. Black-clad bodies fall like so many dominoes.
The final Assassin disarms Karn. Karn grabs him by the
throat, lifts him off the ground. The Assassin - the
MOUTHPIECE - LAUGHS in the haughty voice of the WICKED QUEEN.
MOUTHPIECE
(WICKED QUEEN)
Not quite so quick this time
around, Karn. Youre slipping.
KARN
How many men must you break against
my crown? How many must die?
The Mouthpiece SIGHS in a second voice, that of the bored and
foppish WICKED PRINCE.
MOUTHPIECE
(WICKED PRINCE)
Amazing. He honestly still seems to
think we care about our subjects.
A deep third voice: the WICKED KING, all bluster and bombast.
MOUTHPIECE
(WICKED KING)
To throw you down, barbarian, Id
empty a continent!
(PRINCE)
And youve gotten a pretty good
start on that, grist-miller.
(KING)
Gag yourself, deviant!
(PRINCE)
Well, if you insist.
(KING)
Shut up! No price is too great to
reconquer your traitorous breakaway
province and free the daughter you
seized in heathen matrimony!
6.
Into frame steps QUEEN STARLING (30s), svelte and sinuous in
her fur bikini.
STARLING
Gods, would you give it a rest?
Weve been married for six years!
MOUTHPIECE
(KING)
Starling, honey, let us handle this.
STARLING
I wish youd visit. Weve done up
a very nice guest room.
MOUTHPIECE
(QUEEN)
I told you shed turned.
(PRINCE)
Uh, yeah, who wouldnt? Have you
seen that rippling slab of man
muscle? I could bounce a gold
piece off of that a-
KARN
Enough! Cease your petty
incursions and leave my kingdom in
peace, or else!
MOUTHPIECE
(QUEEN)
Or else what, pretender king?
KARN
Or else... Ill do this.
Karn shakes the Mouthpiece like a rag doll. The Wicked Kings
CRY out in disoriented discomfort.
MOUTHPIECE
(KING)
How dare you shake your rightful
sovereigns, barbarian dog?! When
were done with you, well-!
Karn shakes the Assassin again, harder. The Kings CRY out
again. The King BURBLES.
MOUTHPIECE
(KING)
I dont feel so goo-
7.
The unmistakable sound of VOMITING. The Courtiers shrink
back. Karn and Starling wrinkle their noses. The Queen and
Prince CRY OUT in distaste.
MOUTHPIECE
(PRINCE)
AHH! Do you have any idea how much
this top cost?
(QUEEN)
What ungodly substance did you eat?
(KING)
How dare you envomit your rightful
sovereign, cur?! Why, Ill-
(PRINCE)
Oh, shut it, soup-geyser! Youve
completely lost the moment.
(QUEEN)
You win this round, Karn. But one
day soon, one of our disposable
assassins will get through. And
then well see just how loyal your
kingdom of slaves and beggars is.
Oh, theres corn in my hair!
KARN
I promise you, Kings, we shall have
our reckoning. And on that day,
you shall meet Justice!
Karn SNAPS the Mouthpieces neck, tosses him onto the rest of
the corpses before him. He looks up at the crowd.
KARN
Justice is the name of my axe.
Silence. The Chamberlain forces a LAUGH, encourages the
court to laugh with him. They do, in forced discomfort.
KARN
SILENCE!
Everyone shuts up.
INT. HEADMISTRESSS STUDY - NIGHT 5 5
The Headmistresss violet-skinned DJINN (genie) gives her
captor a massage by firelight.
HEADMISTRESS
If I expel her, the least her
family will cut off is my funding.
8.
(MORE)
But I will not have another year of
her subverting the curriculum. I
will not! The novices love her,
those pimply idiots.
DJINN
Does she qualify for an epic?
HEADMISTRESS
Unfortunately. She has passed
every other test, met every other
requirement.
DJINN
Then perhaps give her one.
She makes a STARTLED NOISE that turns into another MOAN as
the Djinns strong hands work her back.
DJINN
Not an important one. A false
epic. One of no significance. If
all you wish is to be rid of her,
give her an epic that has no end.
HEADMISTRESS
A fools errand. Any old quest
going on three years qualified as
an epic. Brilliant!
DJINN
My mistress is too kind.
HEADMISTRESS
This dilemma, like this massage,
may just have a happy ending.
The Djinn GRUNTS with a complete lack of enthusiasm.
INT. HEADMISTRESSS STUDY - DAY 6 6
Wren once again sits before the Headmistress. The captive
Djinn broods nearby, bored with slavery.
HEADMISTRESS
Wren-
WREN
I can explain!
9.
HEADMISTRESS (cont'd)
HEADMISTRESS
After much consideration, I have
concluded that you are ready to
test for Bardic Mastery.
WREN
You mean..?
The Djinn holds up an ornate scroll: the epic.
HEADMISTRESS
Your very own epic.
Wren SQUEALS with absolute glee, dances around the room.
HEADMISTRESS
Now, to graduate, you must adhere
unfailingly to the Grand Tenet.
Record the events of the saga in
exacting detail. Make no
additions, and do not editorialize!
If you break a tenet and interfere,
you will be stripped of your epic
and expelled. Do you understand?
WREN
I wont let you down! Well? Can I
see it?
The Headmistress nods to the Djinn, who hands her the scroll.
Wren breaks the scrolls seal, unrolls it, scans it with
excitement. Her enthusiasm quickly fades into a scowl.
WREN
Sod.
Now its the Headmistresss turn to grin.
EXT. WILDERNESS CAMPSITE - DUSK 7 7
CAPTION: The present
PERF, black-eyed, sprawls face-down on the cold, hard ground.
He SNORTS awake to find the SWORD lying in front of him.
SWORD
Surprise, Meat-Henge!
Perf jerks upright. The Sword LAUGHS its mocking laugh.
BLACKOUT.
10.
EPISODE II
EXT. WILDERNESS CAMPSITE - DUSK 8 8
Perf jerks upright. The Sword LAUGHS its mocking laugh.
PERF
No.
SWORD
Everywhere.
PERF
I got rid of you!
SWORD
Everywheeeeeeere!
Perf sees Nara and Carrow tied back to back. Carrow CHANTS
in frustrated meditation. Nara forces her eyes open - they
were ground shut with a migraine - and glares, betrayed.
NARA
You left us.
PERF
I would have come back.
NARA
You left us with her! Why would
you leave us?
Carrows slowly-building GROWL climaxes in a SHOUT.
CARROW
Answer me!
They all stare at him. He pants, swallows, calms himself.
CARROW
This is a test. I am being tested.
ASSASSIN
Up.
The Assassin kicks Perf in the leg. Perf rises, finds his
hands tied. The Assassin tucks the Sword in his belt.
PERF
Youre letting me carry the Sword?
Youre not afraid Ill use it?
11.
The Assassin and the Sword LAUGH at him.
SWORD
Afraid hell use it!
More LAUGHTER. Perf shrinks. After a while, the Assassin
lets out a long SIGH.
While theyre distracted, Nara palms a jagged stone.
EXT. WILDERNESS MONTAGE - DUSK - INTRO BIT 9 9
The Assassin leads her prisoners across the wilderness.
CAPTION: Episode II: City of the Dead
EXT. THE VOID 10 10
Space. Darkness absolute. Distant, disharmonious BELLS - a
swarm of chittering songbirds - sing a chaotic ANTHEM.
QUICK CUT: In distorted flashes of color, Perf touches A10 A10
the hilt of the Sword of Fighting.
A deep, resonant BONG, that of a massive BELL striking.
QUICK CUT: Wren looks up from the Orcsign, worried. B10 B10
BONG. Another huge BELL peals, its note joining the first.
QUICK CUT: Karn on his throne, glowering intently. C10 C10
BONG. Yet another BELL creates a chord.
QUICK CUT: Carrows undead eyes open for the first time. D10 D10
BONG. A discordant BELL that turns the chord minor.
QUICK CUT: Death looks directly at us. E10 E10
BONG. The final low BELL leaves the chord unresolved.
INT. BEDCHAMBER - NIGHT 11 11
The Headmistress snaps awake in bed, her breathing rapid.
HEADMISTRESS
The Dream Bells...
12.
EXT. FOOTHILLS OUTSIDE SUMBRE - DAY 12 12
The Assassin practically drags the exhausted companions
behind her. Perf looks towards mountains in the distance.
PERF
This isnt the way we came.
ASSASSIN
You went around the mountains. I
dont have that time.
CARROW
But this route goes towards Sumbre.
ASSASSIN
Wrong. Goes through Sumbre.
The companions jerk to a horrified stop.
PERF
Through Sumbre?
ASSASSIN
It is the most direct route.
PERF
Its the City of the Dead!
ASSASSIN
Which makes it unlikely anyone else
would follow us.
PERF
The City of the Dead! So called
due to its rather high population
of the dead!
ASSASSIN
You have something on your face.
PERF
Youre going to kick me, arent
you?
She kicks him in the face. Perf hits the ground - and lands
right in the eyeline of Wren, hiding behind a rock a way off.
Wren and Perf see each other. Wren ducks away.
PERF
Hey. Hey, theres someone there!
13.
ASSASSIN
Just now noticing. You lot really
are oblivious.
PERF
Hey, you! Help! Help us!
Behind the rock, Wren shrugs impotently.
WREN
(to herself)
Sorry. I cant.
PERF
Help us, please!
SWORD
Thats some advanced coward right
there.
Nara slices through her bonds with the jagged rock, springs
for the Assassin - who flings another dart into her neck.
ASSASSIN
Close. Quite close. Points for
effort.
Nara sinks to the ground.
NARA
I really dont like you.
ASSASSIN
But you do like cats.
NARA
(drugged)
Oh, theyre so cute. Id love to
glue like twenty of them together.
ASSASSIN
You want to live? Do exactly what
I say. Dont? The dead will kill
you before I do.
The Assassin jerks Perf and Carrow forward. Nara follows.
Karn broods upon his throne, resting his chin upon his
massive fist. Before the throne, on a plush fur carpet,
Starling lies prostrate in a Frazetta-esque pose.
14.
The Chamberlain addresses the assembled courtiers:
CHAMBERLAIN
All hail Karn the Unpleasant,
Barbarian King of Transis, King by
His Own Hand; Karn the Destroyer,
the Chain-Breaker, the Iron-Thewed
and Decisive; Karn the Reformer,
the Conqueror, Tamer of the Wicked
Princess and Guardian of the
Gateway to the East; Karn the Ogre-
Gelder, the Tower-Smasher, Slayer
of the Raxmurul and Defender of the
Free Peoples of Transis; Karn the
Unquestioned, Whose Word is Law;
Karn, Bringer of Justice, Meaning
Both the Establishment and Fair
Administration of Law, and the Axe
That Bears This Name-
As the Chamberlain prattles on, Karn looks down to his wife.
KARN
Are you sure you wouldnt prefer a
throne?
STARLING
No, this is good.
KARN
Its demeaning.
STARLING
They expect to see conqueror, Karn.
You must look the part. Besides,
you know how I love the feel of fur
on my skin.
KARN
You certainly do.
They share a saucy CHUCKLE, a lovers in-joke.
STARLING
Assassin.
Karn grabs the Assassin who just popped up by his throne and
nonchalantly crushes his head against the armrest.
The Chamberlain wraps up:
15.
CHAMBERLAIN
His court is now in session. Your
Majesty.
He turns to Karn, bows with the court. Karn scowls.
KARN
Why arent you in uniform?
The Chamberlain struggles to maintain his smile.
CHAMBERLAIN
Noble Karn-
KARN
UNIFORM!
INT. THRONE ROOM - TRANSIS - LATER 14 14
The Chamberlain - dressed in fur boots and loincloth and his
chain of office - reads from a list beside Karns throne.
CHAMBERLAIN
Lord Horkorian of Portext.
HORKORIAN, a regally dressed noble, gestures to an open chest
of gold and jewels borne by two SERVANTS.
HORKORIAN
Great Karn, in tribute I offer you
the treasures of distant Hua-Xiang
to shower upon your glorious queen.
Karn, bored, nods, turns to the Chamberlain.
KARN
Use it to rebuild the bridge over
the Graywater. Its crumbling.
The Chamberlain nods, continues down his list.
CHAMBERLAIN
The Merchant Prince Waverlax.
WAVERLAX, another noble, presents three pretty young WOMEN.
WAVERLAX
Mighty Karn! To satisfy your
uncivilized barbarian cravings, I
offer my three virgin daughters.
He CHUCKLES lasciviously. The Women look terrified.
16.
KARN
Put them to work in the library.
Chamberlain nods. He blinks at the next name on the list.
CHAMBERLAIN
A... monk.
The SEER, a hooded monk in a simple robe, throws back his
hood. Upon his forehead is tattooed a great eye.
SEER
A seer, great Karn, of the
Brotherhood of the Watchful Eye.
CHAMBERLAIN
What tribute do you bring the king?
SEER
Nothing so base as these meager
tithes. I offer you something
greater than all mortal treasures.
CHAMBERLAIN
And what would that be?
SEER
A chance for revenge, Majesty.
Against Him who shackled you.
He gestures to the broken manacles, which still dangle bits
of chain from Karns thick wrists. The Crowd MURMURS.
Karn sits upright, no longer bored. Starling looks worried.
INT. HEADMISTRESSS STUDY 15 15
The Headmistress and a female AUGUR pour over a series of
star charts and esoteric writings on her desk.
HEADMISTRESS
You are absolutely certain?
AUGUR
Beyond a doubt. The supertonic and
mediant rang clear and unwavering.
Above them sounded the imperial
anthem of fallen Archaiad. It can
be nothing else. The Sword of
Fighting has been srawn.
17.
HEADMISTRESS
Gods and heroes.
AUGUR
Quite likely. It will take weeks
to reach the Afterlands. You must
dispatch a bard at once!
The Djinn, standing at attention behind them, pipes up.
DJINN
The epic has already been assigned.
AUGUR
To whom? Who do we have on it?
DJINN
Silver Tom, Headmistress.
A dashing and somewhat disheveled young man in a black silk
shirt slides suddenly into the door frame: SILVER TOM.
SILVER TOM
Felicitations!
HEADMISTRESS
Tom, hello. Thank you for coming,
it - I dont exactly know where to
begin, other than to say we are in
the midst of a truly monumental...
where are your pants?
Toms shirt, its laces untied, stretches to his bare legs.
Red lipstick marks run up and down his neck and chest.
SILVER TOM
A mystery. I didnt actually see
in which direction she threw them,
as I was rather distracted at the
moment of their departure.
HEADMISTRESS
Im sorry?
18.
SILVER TOM
Yes, context. One of your talented
and I must say most eye-anchoringly
gorgeous young undergraduates, a
sprightly maid with flaxen curls of
buttered corn an story eyes that
could drown a man in their depths -
I didnt actually get her name -
requested of me a, shall we say,
private tutoring session. And as
you did ask me to take a more
active hand with the students,
well, I had to oblige. Ah, apples.
He snatches an apple off a plate on her desk, plops down in a
chair opposite it. The Augur flushes.
AUGUR
I have entrails to read, so...
She makes to go. Tom winks at her. She reddens, heads out.
HEADMISTRESS
Private tutoring session?
SILVER TOM
Alot of raw talent there. Simply
amazing range. And breath control.
I got a standing ovation.
HEADMISTRESS
Tom-
SILVER TOM
Which led inevitably to an encore.
Which I admit was rather more up
tempo than I was expecting and
wound up attracting her roommates-
HEADMISTRESS
Tom-
SILVER TOM
-and became an ensemble piece. In
3/4. For three to four, as was the
case. And then your herald arrived
and told me to come at once. So!
To what do I owe the summons?
HEADMISTRESS
Well-
19.
SILVER TOM
Ill be honest, if its another
birth of a hero or the death of
some foreign potentate, Im not
interested. And no unconfirmed
prophecies. I dont work on spec.
She hands Tom the Augurs notes. Tom peruses them, humoring
her - and abruptly freezes. Sits bolt upright.
SILVER TOM
You must give me this epic.
HEADMISTRESS
I... would love to.
SILVER TOM
Would? Why the conditional?
The Headmistress makes an awkward face.
EXT. RUINS OF SUMBRE - DAY FOR NIGHT 16 16
Preternatural darkness blankets the ruins of a dead city.
Perf and Carrow, bound, hustle through the ruins, dragging
the drugged Nara with them. ZOMBIES shamble after them,
MOANING. The Assassin is nowhere to be seen.
PERF
This is precisely the sort of thing
I was talking about! Precisely!
NARA
Those girls are too skinny. They
should eat something.
CARROW
Whered our unwelcome companion go?
Did she just leave us?
PERF
Who cares? Do something!
CARROW
Oh, and what something should I do,
exactly? Moan at them? Trick them
with some cunning subterfuge?
(to the Zombies)
Its all right, everyone, theyre
with me.
20.
PERF
Youre still a cleric! Do
something holy!
Perf casts Conjure Milk at the nearest Zombie, with zero
effect.
CARROW
Oh, the milk spell. What a
surprise that didnt work. Have
you tried your magic rock?
PERF
At least Im trying!
SWORD
Here, let me help!
The Sword swings in its scabbard and CRACKS its pommel into
Perfs crotch. Perf WHIMPERS, falls to his knees.
SWORD
Meal time, zombies! I hope you
like the taste of weak!
NARA
(pouty)
My sword doesnt talk.
The Assassin alights silently on the ground beside Perf.
ASSASSIN
Five minutes. I leave for five
sodding minutes. Found a place.
This way.
The Zombies shamble closer. Carrow narrows his eyes.
CARROW
Bounty hunter! Cut me loose.
ASSASSIN
I do not see that happening.
CARROW
I can turn them, you fool! Free me!
The Assassin hesitates. She swiftly slices through his
bonds. Carrow grabs his holy symbol - which burns a startled
SCREAM out of him. He gapes at it, betrayed.
PERF
Stop not doing anything!
21.
His hand steaming, Carrow thrusts his holy symbol aloft
CARROW
Hear me, abominations! You are
obscenities in the eyes of Vieris,
God of Mercy and Lord of Light. In
His name, I command you, BEGONE!
The symbol flares like a beacon in Carrows hand.
The Zombies low MOANS become slow SCREAMS.
Carrow turns towards the holy symbol and SCREAMS in terror.
The Zombies turn and shamble away from the light.
Carrow drops the holy symbol and flees through the Zombies,
knocking the slower ones aside.
Nara and Perf watch him flee. The Assassin SNORTS a laugh.
ASSASSIN
That was really special. I dont
think he knew that would happen.
Another wave of Zombies approach to fill the gap, a near
solid wall of them. The Assassins smile fades.
BLACKOUT.
22.
EPISODE III
INT. MEETING ROOM - TEMPLE OF ALL DOOMS 17 17
A group of ORCS, TROLLS, and other MONSTERS sit in a circle
of chairs. PUTREK, a scarred Orc, struggles to speak.
PUTREK
It was a raid. Like any other.
Rush in, grab the stuff, burn the
huts. Stab anything that gets in
your way. You know?
Knowing nods and GRUNTS of approval.
PUTREK
So Im going about my business,
stabbing and burning... and I come
across this dead goat. Stupid dead
goat with a spear through its neck.
And it suddenly hits me. Whats
the point? We raid them, they raid
us, when does it end? It doesnt.
It just feeds itself, you know?
TROLL
Tell it, brother.
PUTREK
And that was it for me. I was
ready to admit I had a problem. I
hung up my axe. Havent touched it
since. That was nine years ago.
APPLAUSE. Putrek nods his thanks. The Troll CLAPS him on
the shoulder.
COUNSELOR
Lets all thank Putrek for sharing.
Evil, as weve discussed, is not a
life sentence.
TROLL
Amen!
COUNSELOR
And thats why Im so glad weve
all renounced evil. We are free,
truly free, to determine our own
fate. Too many of our brothers are
trapped by tradition into thinking
violence is their only option.
23.
(MORE)
But lets be clear - morality is
not predetermined. We cannot
choose our heritage, but we can
choose our behavior.
More APPLAUSE. Then GLORION kicks open the door.
GLORION
Die, evil races!
He stabs the Troll, LAUGHING in an insane blood frenzy, and
proceeds to kill everything in the room (off screen).
RODERICK steps into the room, reacts in horror to the
carnage. When its over, Glorion, gore-bedecked, leans
solemnly on his sword.
GLORION
On this day, Honor has been gloried.
RODERICK
That was the single bravest, most
heroic thing Ive ever witnessed.
GLORION
Of course it was, my observant
little friend! Would you care to
accompany me on my travels?
RODERICK
Hell, yes.
GLORION
You need a name, my little ally! I
think Ill call you Roderick!
RODERICK
I love that name.
GLORION
Huzzah! Come along, Roderick!
RODERICK
Youre the nicest man Ive ever
met.
GLORION
My heartfelt thanks!
INT. CORRIDOR - TEMPLE OF ALL DOOMS - INTRO BIT 18 18
Glorion, laughing bravely, honorably decapitates a row of
shambling SKELETONS (or more ZOMBIES, if thats easier).
24.
COUNSELOR (cont'd)
CAPTION: Episode III: Mewling Monkey Talk
The Assassin and Perf - dragging Nara - flee a Zombie horde.
PERF
Carrow? Carrow!
Carrows nowhere to be seen. They turn a corner, keep going.
EXT. ARM TRAP - RUINS OF SUMBRE - DAY FOR NIGHT 20 20
The trio runs across a patch of earth. ZOMBIE ARMS burst
from the earth and grab at their heels. All three tumble.
Perf flops, rolls. Pops up. Looks back.
A mob of hands holds down the swearing Assassin. Nara,
drugged, rolls into a sitting position, arms grappling her.
Perf looks the other way. He has a clear shot to the woods.
He looks back. Nara sits, LAUGHING at approaching Zombies.
Perf looks back to the sanctuary of the woods.
SWORD
Go on. Twinkle on off, you sissy.
Perf takes a deep brath, runs for Nara-
SWORD
Oh, boo! Boo!
-rips her out of the grasp of the Zombie hands-
NARA
I never drink this much, I swear.
-and runs for the woods. The Assassin slides in front of
him, severed Zombie hands clinging to her clothes.
ASSASSIN
This way.
She grabs Perfs collar, pulls him off.
25.
EXT. MAUSOLEUM - RUINS OF SUMBRE - DAY FOR NIGHT 21 21
The Assassin leads Perf and Nara to a massive mausoleum.
She hustles them in, SLAMS the door shut after them. A mass
of Zombies paws and claws at the door behind them.
INT. MAUSOLEUM 22 22
Random bones litter the inside of the mausoleum. The
Assassin slides a lock bar in place on the door.
NARA
(still drugged)
Will Carrow be joining us?
PERF
I think hell be fine. The dead
wouldnt be interested in him.
ASSASSIN
Quiet.
She points down a long stone corridor. There, in the
distance, a flicker of light dances around a corner.
PERF
Maybe its a way out.
NARA
Maybe its more undead!
ASSASSIN
Maybe I just said quiet.
She draws her sword, slinks forward silently. Then she
stops, cuts Perfs bonds, and prods him forward instead.
ASSASSIN
You first.
SWORD
See? That right there? Thats why
I like her.
Perf swallows, draws the Sword, and inches around the corner.
26.
INT. STRONG LIKE BULLS WORKSITE - MAUSOLEUM 23 23
A lantern on the floor illuminates STRONG LIKE BULL, a sturdy
bespectacled Orc. Hes studying runes carved onto a wall and
is jotting notes down in a journal. Scattered all about him
are papers, books... and lemons. For some reason.
Perf ducks back around the corner, WHISPERS:
PERF
An Orc. With glasses. Hes alone.
ASSASSIN
Great. Go stab him.
PERF
Ah. I dont really feel up to --
The Sword puts itself to Perfs throat and SHOUTS:
SWORD
I do! Lets kill me some ORC!
PERF
So much for the element of surprise.
NARA
(whispering)
Perf! Hey, Perf!
She leans in conspiratorially.
NARA
I really do like honeysuckle.
Irritated, the Assassin rips off Naras head-wrap and throws
it in the corner. Nara looks ready to cry.
The Sword to his own throat, Perf rounds the corner. Strong
Like Bull is waiting there with a loaded crossbow.
PERF
<Hi. There. How are you? Lets
not do anything too hasty.>
27.
SWORD
<Your father sucks dwarves in Hell!
Dwarf Hell!>
Perf uncorks a wild PANIC LAUGH.
PERF
Whoa! Hey! Shut up!
Strong aims the crossbow at Perf.
PERF
<The Sword, not you!>
Out of nowhere, the Assassin kicks Strong in the face. He
collapses amid his tools by the rune-covered wall.
Strong Like Bull leaps up, unfurls a scroll.
PERF
Hes got a scroll!
Perf does an awesome dive out of the way.
Strong starts CHANTING. The scroll glows.
STRONG LIKE BULL
Hu-laa ma-ahaaku-
The Assassin slices through the scroll with her sword.
Sparkles of fizzling magical energy dance in the air. She
drops Strong to the ground with a sweep-kick, raises her
sword for a killing blow, swings-
-and Nara blocks her blade with an old femur. The Assassin
blinks at Nara over their locked weapons. Nara grins.
ASSASSIN
The excuse youre about to offer
had better be astoundingly good.
NARA
I cant feel a breeze!
ASSASSIN
Not good enough.
She twists her blade. Nara locks it again with the bone.
NARA
The way we came in was locked from
the outside. Neep. Which means he
got in here some other way.
28.
(MORE)
I cant feel a breeze, so we might
need him to show us that other way
out. Neep neep.
The Assassin turns her blade, shearing the bone in half.
ASSASSIN
And I can always feed him to the
ghouls.
Perf climbs up, sheathes the Sword, dusts himself off.
ASSASSIN
Youre their translator, hey?
Translate, word-bag.
PERF
<Hail, Orc. We need you to show us
the way->
STRONG LIKE BULL

And I can speak your mewling monkey-
talk of a language.
PERF
Well. Then. That certainly
simplifies things.
STRONG LIKE BULL
(RE: Nara)
Whats wrong with her? Was she
huffing pots?
CUTAWAY: Nara finds a cobweb hilarious.
NARA
Its sticky!
PERF
No, shes just drugged.
Strong Like Bull appraises the Assassin, figures out the
prisoner and captor situation.
STRONG LIKE BULL
Any objections to me bringing my
gear? I dont want the rats
chewing on it.
The Assassin shrugs her indifference.
Strong ducks down and grabs a stack of parchments, a quill,
the lantern... and a bag of lemons. For some reason.
29.
NARA (cont'd)
INT. HEADMISTRESSS STUDY 26 26
Young BARDIC STUDENTS, male and female, dress Tom in his
traveling garb. Toms pants have been reinstated.
SILVER TOM
So, to recap - and I want to make
sure I have this absolutely sorted -
you gave what is likely the most
important epic history to a
warbling hack.
A bardic LASS cinches his belt with emphasis.
HEADMISTRESS
The augurs foretell a hundred
fallacious Swordquests a year! Im
supposed to know one of those is
actually genuine and fish it out of
the stack?
Toms arms are thrust out. The Lass and a LAD tie his cuffs.
SILVER TOM
Yes. That does fall squarely in
your purview.
HEADMISTRESS
Its out of my hands. The epics
in progress, has been for a year.
The Lad slings a bandolier of potions over Toms head.
SILVER TOM
Which means Ive already missed the
first who-knows-how-many acts. Im
going to have to reconstruct the
entire setup.
Tom swings the bandolier into place, action hero style.
HEADMISTRESS
That should all be in her notes.
She always did take good notes.
SILVER TOM
Which I cant take from her unless
she elects to give them to me-
HEADMISTRESS
-unlikely-
30.
SILVER TOM
-or I catch her in an infraction.
HEADMISTRESS
Which shouldnt be hard. Her
records spottier than a dyspeptic
hyena.
The Lad and Lass pause, Toms cloak half-clasped. All three
of them regard the Headmistress with disappointment.
HEADMISTRESS
Im sorry, Im under a lot of
pressure and dont have time to vet
every simile.
The Lad clasps Toms cloak. The Lad and Lass each present
Tom with a pair of stylish hats.
SILVER TOM
Black, silver trim. Jaunty angle.
The Lass angles the hat on his head. Lad holds up a mirror.
SILVER TOM
Jauntier!
She adjusts it.
SILVER TOM
Sway. Send me.
HEADMISTRESS
Ill have the wizards here at once.
SILVER TOM
Oh no, no wizards.
(off her startled look)
Far too imprecise. We know neither
her nor her partys location. Its
the Afterlands! A million square
miles of ruins and wilderness
emptier than a bankers heart.
Appreciative GASPS and golf claps from the Students. The
Lass leans in to the Lad, WHISPERS:
LASS
Thats how you do a simile.
Distressed, the Headmistress sinks into her chair.
31.
HEADMISTRESS
Gods. She could be anywhere.
Anywhere! How will we find her?
SILVER TOM
The answers right behind you.
Puzzled, she looks behind her, sees the Djinn. Puzzlement
turns to suspicion. Tom grins slyly.
SILVER TOM
You have a single wish left, I
believe?
Silence. The Headmistress pales. A long-dead hope dawns in
the Djinns eyes.
HEADMISTRESS
Oh, but...no, you see-
SILVER TOM
Single most important epic in
history, Headmistress.
HEADMISTRESS
But I was saving that-
SILVER TOM
Which you mis-assigned.
HEADMISTRESS
But its MINE!
SILVER TOM
And future generations will know of
your sacrifice. In fact, theyll
be so moved by how you spent your
last wish that no one will remember
how you spent the first.
The Headmistress darkens.
HEADMISTRESS
Out. All of you.
The Students scram. Once theyve gone:
HEADMISTRESS
I demand an entire arc dedicated to
my selflessness. A tear jerking,
heart wrenching subplot with
bookending acts.
32.
SILVER TOM
Ill give you a framing chapter
with occasional asides.
HEADMISTRESS
Frequent asides, multiple verses
each.
SILVER TOM
Semi-frequent, two stanzas per.
HEADMISTRESS
Fine! But I get my own distinct
rhyme scheme!
SILVER TOM
Done!
DJINN
Gods be praised!
The Headmistress glares at the Djinn.
SILVER TOM
Now. Ill not have her see me
coming, so wish me by the side of
the person she spoke to last.
EXT. THE WOODS - DAY 27 27
RILK broods, his chin on his fists. After a silent while:
RILK
<Thats because I didnt give it
to you. Well done. Very smooth.
Smart, Orc.>
He SIGHS.
EXT. ORC CAMP - THE WOODS - DAY 28 28
GRELNOK stirs a soup pot. YART drops herbs in it.
GRELNOK
<Think well go into the Temple?>
YART
<That isnt up to us. But I
certainly hope not.>
Grelnok GRUNTS. Keeps stirring.
33.
YART
<So are we going to talk about it?>
GRELNOK
<No. Whats there to talk about?
Why would we talk? You always want
to talk.>
Rilk tromps down to join them.
GRELNOK
<Whats the plan, Sergeant?>
RILK
<The plan hasnt changed.>
He grabs some chow. Grelnok and Yart exchange glances.
YART
<Are you sure thats wise? This
late in the season, without Kurn->
RILK
<Kurns dead. Im in charge. And
we have a mission to complete.
Lets focus on that, and not let
anything else distract us.>
In a thunderous blinding CRACK, Silver Tom appears. He waves
away the smoke, notes the startled Orcs staring at him.
YART
<That keeps happening.>
BLACKOUT.
34.
EPISODE IV
Karn rises from his throne, stares intently down at the Seer.
KARN
Revenge, you say.
SEER
Against Him who shackled you.
KARN
What you offer is impossible.
SEER
Know ye, oh prince, that not two
nights ago the Dream Bell pealed in
the Realms Beyond. The Sword of
Fighting has been found.
KARN
And whats that to me?
SEER
It is the blade that spells the
doom of the Wicked Kings! Even
know, it is carried across the
Afterlands in the hands of a weak
custodian. Take the Sword and end
the Kings!
KARN
To end the Kings...
SEER
Come, Karn, King by his own hand!
We shall relive the days of high
adventure! We must depart at once
and claim your destiny!
MURMURS fill the court.
KARN
Depart?
SEER
Well... yes. You cant expect to
find a magic sword without leaving
the kingdom, can you?
35.
Karn looks about. Waverlax and Harkorian cant conceal
smiles at the thought of Karn leaving.
Starling looks terrified. Karn looks to her. She shakes her
head. Karns face hardens.
KARN
You would lead me away with false
promises and deceit? Damn your
liars tongue!
SEER
Great king?
KARN
Go now, while I still hold my
temper! Or you shall face Justice!
Startled, the Seer bows, retreats.
INT. THRONE ROOM - TRANSIS - INTRO BIT 30 30
CAPTION: Episode IV: Spry Little Bugger
The Seer beats an obsequious retreat under Karns glare.
Karn glares after the Seer, a glare that turns remorseful.
STARLING
(whispering)
Thank you.
(beat)
Assassin.
Karn flings Justice towards the ceiling. WHUNK. A SCREAM.
A dead Assassin falls to the floor, Justice in chest.
EXT. ORC CAMP - DAY 32 32
Grelnok hefts an axe, BELLOWS a war cry.
GRELNOK
Warag!
Tom nonchalantly flashes his bard badge.
36.
SILVER TOM
Skald aga. Skaldul Gadzkul.
Grelnok SLAMS his axe into a nearby stump in frustration.
GRELNOK
<Oh, come on! Is every humie a
bard now? Im never gonna finish
my ear necklace.>
He sulks. Yart consoles him.
RILK
<Another bard? How many of you are
there?>
SILVER TOM
Ah, so there was another bard here
before me? You saw her?
RILK
Quet?
SILVER TOM
<Another bard here before I was?>
RILK
<Yes, she was just here. Is
something wrong? Is she alright?>
SILVER TOM
She was here! Brilliant, my
verdant friend. Pray tell, which
way did she away?
Rilk waves an I dont understand at Silver Tom.
SILVER TOM
Apologies. My Orcish is a bit
rusty. We havent much call for it
in the southern climes, Im afraid.
RILK
Quet?
SILVER TOM
<My Orc isnt good.>
GRELNOK
(beat)
<He has an Ork?>
37.
SILVER TOM
You know what? One second.
Tom pulls a yellow Tongues potion out of his bandolier.
YART

SILVER TOM
I wasnt expecting to use this so
quickly, but needs must as the
dragon drives.
He uncorks it. Pauses. Offers it to Rilk.
SILVER TOM
Actually, would you mind? Writing
in one language while speaking and
hearing another... drives a man mad.
RILK
Quet?
SILVER TOM
<Hard with tongue to write, one
other to speak.>
RILK
<Here, why dont you give me that?>
Rilk quaffs the potion. Tom whips out a pen and notebook.
RILK
So does this start to work right
away or... whoa, would you listen
to that.
SILVER TOM
Its something, isnt it? Might
take a bit of getting used to.
Now, I have a few questions
regarding our mutual bardic friend
that wont take but a min-
GRELNOK
<Wow, you sound just like one!>
RILK
I can still understand them?
38.
SILVER TOM
Well, yes, it is your native
tongue. Now, then-
YART
<Go on. Say something human!>
RILK
What?
GRELNOK
<Oh, yes, you have to!>
RILK
Oh, all right. Look at me, Im a
fat pasty humie! I have no sense
of smell. Lets all eat a cow!
Grelnok LAUGHS. Yart looks disturbed.
GRELNOK
<Thats hilarious!>
YART
<Thats really unsettling.>
SILVER TOM
How droll. Now. Mainly what I
need to know is where-
RILK
I love cheese and religion! Our
laws will keep us safe!
Grelnok LAUGHS. He elbows Yart, who CHUCKLES.
SILVER TOM
Yes, we certainly are a ridiculous
species. If we could focus? That
pot will burn through your system
in no ti-
GRELNOK
<Oo! Oo! Plead for mercy!>
YART
<Yes, I must hear that!>
RILK
Please dont kill me! I live in
an indefensible village and have no
martial training!
39.
The Orcs LAUGH. Tom closes his notebook with a SIGH.
INT. EMPTY ROOM - TEMPLE OF ALL DOOMS 33 33
Glorion kicks open a door, exploding it off its hinges.
RODERICK
Subtle.
Glorion treads into an empty room. Roderick grins wickedly.
GLORION
You smile, my pebbly midget. Do
you know something I dont?
RODERICK
Oh, no. Everyone survives this
room.
GLORION
Ah! I shant worry, then.
The Watcher LAUGHS, dark and low. Glorion, sword in hand,
surveys the room anew.
WATCHER (V.O.)
Mighty are you, warrior, mighty and
fierce. But have you the strength
to overcome a challenge that
comes... from within?
Light shimmers in the center of the room. Two figures
coalesce there: a woman and a boy.
Glorion squints at the figures, straightens in shock.
GLORION
No. It couldnt be ...
RODERICK
No. It couldnt.
GLORION
Matron Gan?
The MATRON shakes the boy - YOUNG GLORION (6) - by the ear.
YOUNG GLORION
But I wanted to see the knights!
40.
MATRON
And what would a knight ever want
with some worthless orphan rat?
YOUNG GLORION
My father was a knight! Theyll
take me to see him! They will!
MATRON
What lies your mother told. Back
to the pots with you, whoreson!
She throws him to the ground.
Glorion drops to his knees in front of the ghostly boy.
Teary-eyed, Young Glorion looks up, looking past Glorion at
something only he can see.
YOUNG GLORION
Youll see. Some day Ill be a
great knight. The greatest ever!
And Ill find my father and hell
love me and youll never get to be
mean to me again! Ill show you.
Ill show you all.
Glorion, moved, reaches to touch the boys face.
WATCHER (V.O.)
Did you, warrior? Did you find
your father? Did you become a
great hero?
Young Glorion suddenly looks Glorion in the face.
YOUNG GLORION
I never find him? Im not a
knight?
WATCHER (V.O.)
He knows what youve done. All the
terrible things.
YOUNG GLORION
No! You cant be me! Id never do
that! Im gonna be a hero!
WATCHER (V.O.)
Tell him, warrior. Tell him how
youve failed in every conceivable
way. Tell him.
41.
YOUNG GLORION
Tell me!
GLORION
I ... I ...
Glorion swallows, leans towards Young Glorions ear.
GLORION
... I would aim for the knee.
Shell fall like an oak.
Young Glorion blinks. Glorion offers him the hilt of his
sword. Young Glorions face splits in a smile.
The boy hefts the sword, BELLOWS-
YOUNG GLORION
For honor!
-and charges the Matron, who SHRIEKS in alarm.
Glorion LAUGHS, straightens, claps a horrified Roderick on
the shoulder. (The carnage happens off screen.)
GLORION
Well, would you look at him go!
Spry little bugger, isnt he?
(to younger self)
Dont neglect the limbs! Theres a
good lad.
(to Roderick)
He learns quickly. Hell go far,
this one. My, what a refreshing
interlude! Ah, well, must press on.
(to younger self)
And what do we say, lad?
Young Glorion, covered in a truly unnecessary amount blood,
hefts the bloody sword skyward.
YOUNG GLORION
Onward!
He vanishes in a puff of smoke. The sword CLATTERS down.
INT. DINING HALL - TRANSIS 34 34
At a banquet table, Karn and Starling dine. Karn, fork in
hand, stares off, lost in thought.
42.
STARLING
Karn? Darling?
Karn doesnt reply.
STARLING
Karn!
The king blinks. Looks to Starling.
KARN
My love?
STARLING
What has you so distracted?
KARN
Im not distracted.
STARLING
You havent even noticed that
assassin under the table.
KARN
Hm? Oh.
Karn stabs beneath the table with his fork. POP. GURGLE.
Karn lifts a dead Assassin up by his fork, flings the
Assassin into a pile of dead Assassins in the corner.
STARLING
Sweetie, what has you preoccupied?
Karn cleans his fork on his wolf pelt mantle, cuts into the
haunch of meat on his plate.
KARN
Matters of state.
STARLING
Its not what the seer said, is it?
You cant go on that quest.
KARN
I know.
STARLING
Those days are behind you.
KARN
I know! Yet often I find longing
for the simpler days, before I
traded slaying for governance.
43.
He looks at his broken shackles. His face hardens.
KARN
And some days I long for so much
more...
Starling touches his arm. He smiles at her, covers her
dainty hand in his massive one.
A KNOCK at the door.
Karn and Starling share a startled look. In a flash, Karn
hides his knife, grabs the haunch in one hand. Starling gets
up and sprawls on the carpet before him.
KARN
Come!
The Chamberlain enters onto another heroic barbarian tableau:
the King, food and wine in hand, his conquered princess of a
wife staring dotingly up at him. The Chamberlain bows.
CHAMBERLAIN
Majesties.
He hands a bit of folded paper to Karn.
CHAMBERLAIN
The information you requested.
Karn takes it, nods. Waits. Glares.
KARN
Turn around.
The Chamberlain does. Karn pulls a pair of glasses from his
pelt, dons them, reads the paper. GRUNTS. Rises.
KARN
I must away.
STARLING
At this hour?
KARN
Matters of state.
Starling clearly doesnt believe him, but says nothing.
CHAMBERLAIN
Noble Karn-
44.
KARN
WHAT?
He points to his eyes. Karn rips off the glasses.
INT. THE DEPTHS - MAUSOLEUM 35 35
Strong Like Bull leads Perf, Nara, and the Assassin leads
them into a deep, dark stretch of the mausoleum. Bones and
other scattered debris lie much thicker.
PERF
Quite a lot of bones about.
ASSASSIN
Well? Feel your breeze yet?
Nara nods excitedly.
ASSASSIN
Sodding elves and your senses.
PERF
Is anyone else concerned about the
sheer number of bones about?
ASSASSIN
Its a mausoleum. Of course there
are bones about.
STRONG LIKE BULL
Your exit is up ahead.
Strong quietly drops a ring of lemons around himself.
Nara steps forward, SNIFFS the air, almost gags.
PERF
Whats that smell?
STRONG LIKE BULL
That? That would be the Corpse
Worm.
PERF
Im sorry, the what?
Deafening insectoid CHITTERING echoes down the corridor.
Everyone but the Orc whirls around.
MONSTER POV: Some unseen horror -- its massive mandibles and
antennae poking into the frame -- rises up in the tunnel.
45.
PERF
Ah. That.
BLACKOUT.
46.
EPISODE V
INT. THE DEPTHS - MAUSOLUEM 36 36
The Corpse Worm SHRIEKS, shaking the frame with its violence.
ASSASSIN
Sod this, theyre not paying me
enough.
The Assassin hurls down a smoke pellet and vanishes.
Perf draws the Sword. Strong Like Bull, standing in his ring
of lemons, does a double take when he sees the blade.
STRONG LIKE BULL
<Do my eyes deceive me?>
PERF
You wanna kill something, Sword?
Kill that!
The Sword force-sheathes itself, windmilling back into the
scabbard. Perf tries to draw it again but cant.
PERF
Oh, you bastard bit of cutlery!
SWORD
Hey, Worm! If you eat him and the
elf, youll barely taste the suck!
STRONG LIKE BULL
<The Sword of Fighting? But that
would mean...>
The Corpse Worms mandibles close around Nara and yank her
out of frame.
PERF
Nara!
Perf rips his spell book open to a spell: Thundershock. He
starts casting. The runes dance before his eyes.
A CRACK. A monstrous SQUEAL. Nara lands in a heap,
clutching the mandible she just ripped off the Corpse Worm.
A bolt of lightning shoots out of Perfs hand into the
nearest lemon, then arcs to every other lemon in a chain.
The lemons all explode, spraying juice everywhere.
47.
MONSTER POV: Lemon-juiced and missing one mandible, the
Corpse Worm SHRIEKS, turns, and flees.
STRONG LIKE BULL
<Retrocasting?!>
Nara, looking completely lucid despite being soaked in lemon
juice, pulls Perf arm down the tunnel the Worm came from.
STRONG LIKE BULL
Wait! I have questions!
INT. THE DEPTHS - MAUSOLEUM - DAY FOR NIGHT - INTRO BIT 37 37
Nara and Perf flee through the tunnels. Strong Like Bull
following at a safe distance.
CAPTION: Episode V: Some Clever Ruse
INT. DUNGEON HALL - TEMPLE OF ALL DOOMS 38 38
Glorion reaches for the handle of a torch-lit door. Roderick
catches his wrist
RODERICK
You should go into this room!
GLORION
That was my intent.
RODERICK
But it will benefit both of us!
GLORION
Then why the delay? You really are
the most bizarre individual.
Glorion enters. Roderick strangles a scream and follows.
INT. SHADOWY ROOM - TEMPLE OF ALL DOOMS 39 39
Shadows play about the curtains hanging on the otherwise bare
dungeon room's walls. The light is very dim.
WATCHER (V.O.)
So eager are you to meet your doom?
48.
GLORION
What foe awaits honorable
destruction in this dark chamber?
WATCHER (V.O.)
Foolish bravo. You should have
listened to the gargoyle.
GLORION
I did. Just now. I dont know
what demonstration of virility
youre watching.
WATCHER (V.O.)
I... truly? He still doesnt get it?
RODERICK
Yep.
WATCHER (V.O.)
I, I... need to sit down. Warlock,
destroy him.
A figure coalesces from the shadows: the WHISPERING WARLOCK.
WHISPERING WARLOCK
I am the Whispering Warlock.
GLORION
Ah, there you are. I knew there
would be an evildoer doing evil in
here.
WHISPERING WARLOCK
You would be wise to fear my curse.
GLORION
Prepare to taste steel. Honorable
steel!
Glorion stabs at him. His sword passes through the Warlock
as though he was a ghost. The Warlock grins.
GLORION
Hm, youre slightly less dead than
I was expecting.
WHISPERING WARLOCK
You rely too heavily on your sword,
warrior. Where would you be without
the skilled hands to wield it?
49.
GLORION
Save your questions for the literate!
Glorions stabs through him again. The Warlock raises a hand.
WHISPERING WARLOCK
I curse your soul to find new
purchase!
The Warlocks eyes FLARE with magic.
RODERICK
Im so sodding glad this is-
GLORION
(Rodericks mannerisms)
-happening.
Roderick and Glorion, near panic, gape at one another through
each others eyes. Theyve switched bodies.
RODERICK
(Glorions mannerisms)
What? What is this? How have
these effeminate claws replaced my
mighty hands? Where is my sword?
Roderick looks at Glorion trapped in his body. Glorion
awkwardly holds out his sword.
RODERICK
Youve taken my sword. And my
armor. And my face!
GLORION
This is no time to state the
obvious, Roderick!
The Watcher LAUGHS darkly.
INT. TAVERN - TRANSIS 40 40
In the corner, the drunken Seer argues with the BARTENDER.
BARTENDER
No money, no wine.
50.
SEER
No curiosity? I am a seer! The
mysteries of the universe lay them
themselves before me like a maid on
her wedding night! Wouldnt you
rather know your future?
BARTENDER
I know my future. It involves
getting paid.
A pouch of coins CLATTERS on the table. They look up at who
is obviously Karn, poorly disguised with a thin cloak and a
scarf around his face. The Bartender scoops up the coins.
BARTENDER
Thank you, Majesty.
KARN
Im not the king.
(to Seer)
Greetings, stranger. Was it you
who spoke in the court of the Karn
the Unpleasant?
SEER
Greetings, noble Karn.
KARN
Im not the king, I said. I am but
a simple yeoman.
SEER
Oh, come off it, your Majesty.
Youre a yard taller than anyone in
the kingdom and broader than a
galley. Who else could you be?
KARN
You are mistaken. I am not the
king.
SEER
Even the drunks know its you.
He gestures to a pair of DRUNKS, who knuckle their brows.
FIRST DRUNK
Majesty.
SECOND DRUNK
Evening, Majesty.
51.
Annoyed, Karn rips off his disguise.
KARN
Very well, you keen-eyed jackal, it
is I, Karn! Youve seen through my
disguise!
SEER
Well, seer. To what do I owe the
pleasure?
Karn slides onto a stool across from him.
KARN
The sword you mentioned... I would
hear more of it. It can throw down
the Kings, you say?
SEER
Join the quest, mighty Karn, and
youll find out.
Karn grabs the Seer, pulls them face to face.
KARN
Mind your cheek, little man! Ive
slain greater men for less. Speak
and speak true. Whats so special
about this sword?
SEER
Apologies, sire! It is a major
piece on the board of fate. A
magnet that pulls all destinies
towards it.
KARN
Damn your riddles! Speak plainly!
SEER
It can slay the Wicked Kings! Such
is why theyve offered an emperors
ransom to him who can destroy it
Ask your own advisors if you doubt
me; your wizards will say the same.
Karn releases the Seer, who plops down in his chair. And
sneaks some more wine.
KARN
Theyve said as much. To break the
Kings I would move a mountain.
52.
SEER
If you moved against the Kings, the
entire world would move with you.
KARN
I cannot just leave. The Kings
would swoop in, reconquer Transis
and repeal my reforms.
SEER
Some clever ruse, then. Tell them
youre meditating. Inspecting the
new bridges. Spending a month in
the old governors harem, whatever,
as long as they think youre near.
Have Starling rule in your stead.
KARN
The risks are great.
SEER
But think of the rewards, Majesty.
Freedom to live in peace with your
wife, unmolested, with your wife.
Karn strokes his chin, considers.
SEER
And theres still your revenge to
consider.
Karns face hardens. The Seer smiles, finishes the wine.
A section of wall pivots on hidden hinges. Karn slips
through the secret passageway, shuts it silently, and turns
to find Starling glaring at him.
KARN
Hello, dear. Youre up late.
Starling crosses her arms.
Grelnok and Yart are in tears, exhausted from laughing.
Silver Tom waits with rapidly draining patience.
53.
RILK
Okay, last one. Im unique and
special! My passion trumps your
expertise. Moneys not imaginary!
The Orcs dont get those. Rilk turns back to Tom.
RILK
You had some questions, I believe?
SILVER TOM
Did I? Yes, I did.
(opens notebook)
Oh, and look, its only the same
ones Ive had since we met. The
bard girl: where did she go?
RILK
She followed her party to the east.
SILVER TOM
Had she spoken with any of them?
This is of critical importance.
RILK
I would assume so. She knew who
they were.
SILVER TOM
Yes, but did you actually see her
interact with them?
RILK
No, that. <Why?>
SILVER TOM
Gods, your metabolism is fast.
RILK
 that last bit. Quet?
SILVER TOM
The potion is wearing off.
RILK
 the bard girl?
SILVER TOM
Im taking over the epic. Sacking
her, sadly.
Rilk waves his I dont understand.
54.
SILVER TOM
Shes being fired. Fired? Lets
see, fire, third person singular
future passive... ah. 
The Orcs stare wide-eyed at Tom.
RILK
<What? Why?>
SILVER TOM
Look, I hate to poach as much as
the next songsmith, I really do,
but the scope of this epic is
simply beyond her. We all have to
make sacrifices.
Rilk waves an angrier I dont understand.
SILVER TOM
<She will be sacrificed.> I wish
you well!
He claps Rilk on the shoulder, turns his back.
Rilks hand goes to his sword. Grelnok grabs Rilks wrist.
GRELNOK
<Bardic Immunity.>
Rilk fumes. Tom rounds the bend, waves goodbye.
YART
<Its probably just an expression.>
The Whispering Warlock swirls about the room.
RODERICK
(Glorions mannerisms)
These stony limbs- so cold! And
the lichen! Ah, the lichen!
WHISPERING WARLOCK
You shall live out the remainder of
your days learning humility in the
hunched form of a gargoyle.
55.
RODERICK
Give me back my body!
GLORION
(Rodericks mannerisms)
There is no way to reverse the
process. Dont listen to me! The
warlock is invincible!
RODERICK
Enough of your defeatism!
The Warlock turns to Roderick in Glorion.
WHISPERING WARLOCK
And as for you, you turncoat. You
shall experience the excruciating
joy of slowly starving to death.
Mortified, Glorion (Roderick) whirls to Roderick (Glorion).
GLORION
The worst thing you could do is to
shed some light on this situation.
RODERICK
I have no idea how this happened!
GLORION
The warlock is not composed of
shadow! There is no way to free us
from this curse!
RODERICK
Cease your chatter and let me
think! Perhaps some means of
dispelling this curse lies behind
these curtains!
Roderick pushes back the curtains, looking for something,
anything. He finds nothing. Its too dark to see.
RODERICK
Its too dark in here. Ah!
Roderick rushes out of the room.
GLORION
I have no idea what hes doing.
And Im certain it would be of no
value for me to stay here and
distract you.
56.
WHISPERING WARLOCK
Huh?
INT. DUNGEON HALL - TEMPLE OF ALL DOOMS 44 44
Roderick yanks the torch off the wall.
Roderick reenters the room with the blazing torch in hand.
RODERICK
Ha! Now I can see!
The Whispering Warlock SCREAMS and melts away to nothing in
the bright light of the torch. Roderick GRUNTS knowingly.
RODERICK
Slain by the blinding radiance of
my valor, no doubt. Now, perhaps
we can find some way to break-
GLORION
(restored)
-this curse. Whats this? I am
restored! Huzzah!
Roderick, also restored, smiles, relieved.
RODERICK
I liked your body so much better.
GLORION
Of course you did, my devoted bit
of statuary. Blade.
Roderick begrudgingly returns Glorions sword.
GLORION
Twas the light from my the torch
destroyed the shadowy mage. You
see, creature, one must on occasion
use his wits as well as his might.
RODERICK
Such genius is beyond me.
GLORION
ONWARD!
BLACKOUT.
57.
EPISODE VI
Carrow stumbles through the graveyard past ZOMBIES. As he
passes, the Zombies look up and follow him.
CARROW
Nara? Perf? Are you still alive?
Carrow notices the Zombies, turns. The Zombies stop.
CARROW
Get away from me.
He strides off again. The Zombies follow. More join the
procession. Carrow whirls. Facing them, he takes a step
back. They follow him apace.
CARROW
Get away, I said!
They regard him with dead, unthinking eyes.
CARROW
Im not one of you!
He hustles back a step, slips on a rock. Falls.
The Zombies circle around him, peer down.
With a ROAR, Carrow leaps up, rock in hand. He SMASHES the
rock into the head of the nearest Zombie, killing it.
The Zombies look down at the dead Zombie, and back up at
Carrow. Carrow beats a hasty retreat. More zombies follow.
A hooded figure (Death) curiously watches Carrow flee.
EXT. RUINS SUMBRE - DAY FOR NIGHT - TITLE BIT 47 47
CAPTION: Episode VI: Mindless, Gibbering Automatons
INT. WATCHERS ROOM - TEMPLE OF ALL DOOMS - LATER 48 48
The candles have burned lower. The Watcher clutches a lit
pipe between bony fingers, reads from a scroll:
58.
WATCHER
Seven mirrors, seven ways, but only
one reflects the truth. Discover
the true path, or fall forever into
shadow-
The sound of BREAKING GLASS.
WATCHER
Didnt see that coming.
The Watcher throws that scroll over his shoulder.
The Orcs ponder Silver Toms departing words.
RILK
<Did he say he was going to kill
the bard girl?>
GRELNOK
<Sacrifice, actually. But yes.>
YART
<A shame. She was nice.>
Rilk looks off in the direction the bards went. After a
conflicted moment, he tears his eyes away.
RILK
<Come on. The entrance to the
temple is this way.>
YART
<The Temple?>
GRELNOK
<Were going in?>
RILK
<He wasnt with the others, so hes
dead or in there. Either way, we
need confirmation. With me.>
Rilk starts off. Grelnok and Yart exchange worried glances.
YART

59.
Rilk stops. Flinches. Yart motions for Grelnok to play
along. Grelnok gets it, chimes in.
GRELNOK
<Right. Her party doesnt even
know shes following them. They
wouldnt help her.>
YART
<The wind will drink her screams.>
Rilk turns back.
RILK
<Why wouldnt they help her?>
GRELNOK
<They dont even know shes there.
Its not how bards word.>
YART
<Vermin will devour what the flames
do not.>
GRELNOK
<Its a shame, because you know
how... ah... grateful human girls
are to be saved.>
RILK
<... grateful.>
YART
<Oh, yes. Its in all the stories.
Showers of kisses.>
Grelnok pulses his eyebrows. Rilk ponders.
RILK
<Since shes been following them,
it stands to reason that she knows
where the Orcslayer is.>
Grelnok and Yart feign that it hadnt occurred to them.
RILK
<And if Black Bard kills her, well
lose important intel.>
GRELNOK
<Thats some good thinking.>
60.
RILK
<So its critical to the mission
then that I save Miss Bard.
Interrogate. I meant interrogate.>
YART
<Well, its your call, Sergeant.>
RILK
<Right. This way.>
Rilk starts off bardward. Grelnok and Yart share a smile and
a quick headbutt -- an Orcish high five.
INT. WATCHERS ROOM - TEMPLE OF ALL DOOMS 50 50
The candles have burned down to nubs. The Watcher consults
his map, reads from his latest scroll into the crystal ball.
WATCHER
Behold the Sanctum of Stone! Here
dwells Arcturis, Ancient of a
Thousand Eons! Arcturis, Terror of
the Blackened Core! Arcturis,
forged in the eternal flames of-!
An unearthly SHRIEK, followed by an echoing THUD.
WATCHER
Oh, COME ON! At least let me
finish the scroll!
He ROARS in impotent rage and strangles the scroll.
Starling crosses her arms, glares at Karn. Karn fakes a YAWN.
KARN
Off to bed for me.
STARLING
And where have you been?
KARN
Oh, I was... meditating... under
the bridges... of the harem?
STARLING
And there goes your chance not to
lie to me.
61.
(MORE)
You were meeting with that seer. I
dont have my own spy network, you
know.
KARN
Starling-
STARLING
If even a rumor starts that youre
leaving the city, you know what
that means? Chaos and blood
Unnoticed ASSASSINS slink into the room en masse.
STARLING
Every last one of those craven,
conniving nobles is waiting for
another reason rise up against you.
KARN
You think I dont know that? Im
the one with daggers at his back!
The Assassins draw closer. They also draw blades.
STARLING
And what happens to me if you fall?
Do you want me to be forcibly
married to another Wicked Governor?
An Assassin fires a crossbow at Karn. Karn catches the bolt
and whirls in a frenzy.
KARN
Do you MIND?! I am TRYING to have
a CONVERSATION with my WIFE!!
Karn leaps amid the startled Assassins, hewing with Justice.
Starling draws a pair of daggers and does the same. They
keep arguing as perforated Assassins fall.
STARLING
You always do this! You make
decisions that affect the both of
us without talking to me first!
KARN
Gods bones, woman, I have a kingdom
to rule! Do you have any idea what
Ive sacrificed to be with you?
STARLING
Oh, you make it sound like such a
chore.
62.
STARLING (cont'd)
KARN
Stop twisting my words!
STARLING
You have duties, Karn, as a king
and a husband! You cant behave
like a freebooter any more!
KARN
Duties I never agreed to! Yes, I
miss my freedom, and if your plan
is to keep me from the live I want,
then to hell with you!
Karn punctuates the last line as he kills the last Assassin.
He turns to find her clutching the dagger jutting from her
sternum. Blood seeps between her fingers.
STARLING
No. Oh, no.
She gapes at him for help. It's the last action she takes.
Starling tumbles. Karn catches her.
KARN
Chamberlain! CHAMBERLAIN!!
A new batch of candles is lit. The Watcher takes a deep
puffs on his pipe and hardly glances at his scroll.
WATCHER
Oh, look, giant mushrooms. Blah,
blah, poison. Blah, blah, blah,
doom. Oh. Oh, and now youve set
the room on fire. Well done.
He rips that scroll in half.
INT. CORRIDOR - MAUSOLEUM 53 53
Nara hustles down a corridor, leading Perf by the hand.
Strong Like Bull ducks into the corridor after them.
STRONG LIKE BULL
Wait!
63.
INT. CORPSE WORMS LAIR - MAUSOLEUM 54 54
The beasts nest, full of bones, debris, and treasure, all
covered with sticky, mucus-like ooze. Nara pulls Perf in.
PERF
Why are we stopping?
Strong Like Bull catches up to them.
STRONG LIKE BULL
Mage! Where did you get that-?
Nara snatches up a rusty sword and turns on Strong Like Bull.
STRONG LIKE BULL
-sword. Youre not drugged.
NARA
Wore off a while back. Perf, find
me a bow.
PERF
Youre all right?
NARA
A bow, Perf!
PERF
Youre all right.
Nara seems somewhat surprised by Perfs relief. It wins a
light smile from her. She gestures towards the treasure
mound. Perf hops to it, starts digging through.
NARA
(to Strong Like Bull)
Give me one reason why I shouldnt
gut you here.
STRONG LIKE BULL
I know the way out.
NARA
You led us into an ambush!
STRONG LIKE BULL
Well, yes, I was trying to kill
you. But that was before I saw the
Sword! Do you even know what he
has there?
64.
Perf pulls a rotten hopjacket out of the treasure mound.
PERF
Huh.
NARA
So far, nothing but trouble.
Perf discards it. He pulls out a bow and quiver of arrows.
STRONG LIKE BULL
Im studying that very blade! Why
do you think Im in this tomb in
the first place? Sumbre is where
the Sword was forged! Great powers
are on the move now, prophesied
events set in motion the moment he
drew that blade!
Perf brings a bow and a quiver of arrows to Nara. She pulls
out an arrow. Its tip GLOWS GREEN.
NARA
Keen.
She shoulders the quiver, nocks an arrow.
NARA
Lead us out. Real exit this time.
(to Perf, off)
Ready?
Perf is wearing a conical helmet over his wizards hat. He
raps his fist on the front of a massive circular shield.
PERF
Lets do this.
His head in his hands, the Watcher stares into the crystal
ball in mounting disbelief. Horrid sounds of CLANKING METAL
and painful SCREAMS accompany Glorions LAUGHTER.
Sudden silence.
WATCHER
Sod me with a spoon.
GLORION (O.S.)
ONWARD!
65.
The Watcher takes a long pull off a bottle of wine.
EXT. EDGE OF SUMBRE - DAY FOR NIGHT 56 56
Wren hovers at the edge of the ruins of Sumbre. She looks
down at the ruins and the Zombies therein with unease.
WREN
Nothing to be afraid of. Nothing
at all. Only endless hordes of
mindless, gibbering automatons.
Just like being at court. Hehe,
zing. Im writing that down.
She pulls a green potion out of her satchel: Veil of Death.
She uncorks it, waves away the green mist, drinks it.
Wren suddenly looks undead -- gray and white skinned, with
rotting patches. She feels for her pulse, gets none. She
holds her skeletal hand up before her skeletal face.
WREN
Creepy.
Wren lets out a deep breath, heads for the ruins - revealing
Silver Tom a ways behind her, watching silently. He takes
Wrens place at the edge of the ruins.
ZOMBIES shamble mindlessly about. They pay Wren no mind.
A random Zombie collides with Wren and MOANS.
WREN
[MOANS], indeed!
INTERCUT BETWEEN EDGE OF SUMBRE AND RUINS OF SUMBRE 58 58
Tom shakes his head.
SILVER TOM
No, dont interact with the-
WREN
Yes, [GRUNTS]. Were all dead
here. Grr ... arrgh ...
She passes by a group of Zombies eating the Zombie that
Carrow killed. They look up at her. She waves them off.
66.
WREN
Im good, thanks. I ate like...
fifty children this morning, so...
you know... pretty full.
SILVER TOM
How are you still alive?
They keep staring at her. Wren rubs her stomach.
WREN
MMMM!
They keep staring. Wren looks worried. The Zombies go back
to chewing on the corpse. Wren meanders on.
Silver Tom slips down into the ruins after her.
A crowd of ZOMBIES paws at the mausoleums door. After a few
moments, they stop and resume their docile posture.
Wren pushes her way to the front of the crowd.
WREN
Excuse me, pardon me.
Wren takes a pink Passwall potion from her satchel. She
uncorks it - and then gets the feeling shes being watched.
Behind Wren, the Zombie mob parts, revealing the hooded
figure (Death). Wren doesnt notice.
But Tom does. Rather, he sees the Zombie mob split for no
reason (Death is invisible to him).
SILVER TOM
Thats not exactly typical.
Tom pops a clear potion out of his bandolier: True Sight.
He pops it, waves away the mist, quaffs it-
-and sees Death amid the Zombies as he lowers the vial.
Toms eyes nearly explode out of his head. He throws himself
behind the nearest gravestone.
SILVER TOM
Gods alive!
He peers over the gravestone, sees Wren looking in Deaths
direction without seeing her, Passwall potion in hand.
67.
SILVER TOM
Get out of there. Get out of
there.
Death extends her hand, blows at Wren, as if blowing a kiss.
A gust of wind washes over Wren. When its gone, so is her
disguise. She holds up a hand, sees her flesh again.
Wren notices the horde of Zombies eyeing her hungrily.
WREN
Its bad luck to eat a bard.
SILVER TOM
Get out of there!
The Zombies swarm Wren, MOANING. She goes down in a heap,
dropping the Passwall potion, which spills in the dirt.
Dirty dead hands and biting teeth graps for Wren. She spies
the potion-infused dirt, grimaces, and eats a handful of it.
Wren DRY-HEAVES out a bit of pink mist. She rises and and
jumps through the solid door, passing harmlessly through.
The Zombies POUND on the door.
Wren sprawls on her stomach, spits out dirt. She GAGS,
COUGHS, and otherwise voices her discontent.
WREN
I ate a worm!
She spits out more dirt and misery.
EXT. MAUSOLEUM - RUINS OF SUMBRE 61 61
Tom watches the Zombies POUND ineffectually on the tombs
door. He breathes a SIGH of relief, leans back, turns - and
sees Death right behind him. He stifles a scream. Death wag
s a finger at him - a naughty child - and vanishes.
Hand clutching his chest, Tom slows his terrified breathing.
SILVER TOM
Hoo. Better than sex.
BLACKOUT.
68.
EPISODE VII
Rilk, Grelnok, and Yart approach the mausoleum. The Zombies
disperse from the entrance and shamble towards the Orcs.
GRELNOK
<Ears!>
Grelnok wades into the undead. In the background, he slices
off rotting ears and bashes in skulls his dagger.
RILK
<We havent scouted this place, so
well keep it simple. Ill extract
Miss Bard from the tomb. Secure a
path for our retreat. Thoughts?>
YART
<Yes. Be sure not to give the
impression that you think she needs
to be saved.>
Rilk blinks at him.
RILK

YART
<Shes a strong, independent female
capable of taking care of herself.
She doesnt need you, and you
respect that. Keep that in mind.>
RILK
<Thanks.>
He turns to go.
YART
<Thats not to say that you dont
find her feminine!>
Rilk turns back.
YART
<Dont give that impression. Shes
a rare delicate flower, a sparkling
jewel worthy of praise and
devotion. Sweep her off her feet!>
69.
RILK
<Right. Got it.>
Rilk turns to go again.
YART
<And remember!>
RILK
<What?!>
YART
<Shes beautiful, but that doesnt
define her. Shes career-driven,
but that doesnt intimidate you and
doesnt make her any less
attractive. She is your unique
equal in every way, and deserves
special but not at all different
treatment. Understand?>
RILK
<Well, which is it?! I dont know
whats safe to say or what might
offend her, and I have no idea how
Im supposed to behave!
YART
<Now youre ready to talk to a
woman. Go on!>
Flummoxed, Rilk SNARLS, stalks towards the tomb.
Grelnok returns to Yart, his arms full of Zombie ears.
GRELNOK
Eh? Eh?
Yart shakes his head. Grelnok SIGHS, drops the ears.
EXT. MAUSOLEUM - RUINS OF SUMBRE - DAY FOR NIGHT - INTRO BIT 63 63
Rilk orcs his way across the graveyard towards the mausoleum.
CAPTION: Episode VII: Much to Discuss
70.
INT. CORRIDOR -- MAUSOLEUM 64 64
Strong, lantern in hand, leads Nara and Perf around a corner.
Nara has a glowing arrow nocked. Perf drops in by Strong.
PERF
You know about the Sword?
NARA
Dont let him distract you.
STRONG LIKE BULL
Ive studied the Fall of Sumbre and
the Rise of the Undead extensively.
They both tie directly into my
field: Arcane Archaeology and
Deific-Mortal Interac --
PERF
How do I get rid of it?
STRONG LIKE BULL
Get rid of it? You cant.
PERF
I cant?
STRONG LIKE BULL
No. Not intentionally. It can be
taken from you, but if you try to
give it away or abandon it, it will
return to you.
SWORD
...everywhere..!
Perf lets out a half-GRUNT, half-WHIMPER. The Orc eyes him.
STRONG LIKE BULL
What was it you cast back there?
PERF
It was supposed to be Thundershock.
Not Exploding Citrus or Chain
Lightning Lemons or whatever the
hell that was.
The Assassin silently drops onto Nara. Nara fires wildly.
The glowing arrow caroms off the ceiling and back the way
they came. Nara and the Assassin struggle violently and
silently behind the men, who fail to notice.
71.
STRONG LIKE BULL
Amazing.
PERF
Im a terrible wizard, all right?
STRONG LIKE BULL
No! The ability to retrocast is
exceedingly rare. Most spells,
when miscast, just fizzle. Yours
produced a definitive magical
effect. Tell me, have you ever
miscast a spell and gotten the
opposite of what you intended?
PERF
Maybe. Once or twice. Always.
The runes, they keep dancing
around. What is that?
STRONG LIKE BULL
Theres not a word for it in your
language. We call it <dyslexia.>
PERF
Sounds awful.
STRONG LIKE BULL
It certainly can be. But for the
right wizard, it can be a gift.
Perf looks dubious. Strong slips into professor mode. Nara
and the Assassin silently struggle for life and death.
STRONG LIKE BULL
Not one wizard in a generation can
retrocast a spell - intentionally
or not - and get an exact opposite
effect. But by all appearances,
you possess this ability. And
coupled with the prophecies
surrounding the Sword, and the fact
that youve drawn it... gods, man,
youre the Chosen One for a reason!
This was no mistake, no chance of
fate! Dont you see, you could-!
The Assassin grabs Strong in the neck-breaker. Nara sags
against the wall, two darts in her shoulder.
NARA
Here come the bedbugs.
72.
ASSASSIN
I found the exit. Which means
nighty-night, pork-tusk.
PERF
Dont! He-!
A deafening ROAR. Everyone looks behind them.
MONSTER POV: The one-mandible Corpse Worm has returned.
STRONG LIKE BULL
Would any of you, perchance, happen
to have brought along any lemons?
(off their silence)
I didnt think so.
The Worm ROARS again.
The ROAR makes Wren look up, startled, from copying down the
runes on the wall of Strongs worksite. When the roar fades,
she SIGHS, relieved, and turns back to the runes.
WREN
And what is all this about?
SILVER TOM (O.S.)
Could be part of the Oclysma.
Wren whirls to see Silver Tom leaning on the opposite wall.
SILVER TOM
Or just graffiti. Hard to say for
sure in this light.
WREN
Who are you? How did you get in
here?
SILVER TOM
Ill answer that in reverse order,
if you dont mind.
Tom slips into lecture mode, indicates the architecture.
Wren wracks her brain for why he looks familiar.
SILVER TOM
We are standing as you can see in a
royal Archaian burial complex full
of dead royal Archaians.
73.
(MORE)
Not the sovereigns, obviously - the
decors a bit pedestrian for that;
Im thinking extended family.
Anyhow, a standard feature of these
tombs is a series of narrow
chimneys built to allow for the
comings and goings of the soul.
Superstitious nonsense, of course,
but it turns out you dont actually
need to be deceased to use them.
As for who I am...
He takes a step near her. Wren flashes her bard badge.
WREN
Bardic immunity!
Tom flashes his badge back at her.
SILVER TOM
Motley? They really let you out in
that?
All at once, Wren recognizes him.
WREN
Shag the tits off a harpy - youre
Silver Tom!
SILVER TOM
Ive not heard that expression.
Good, youve got your notes out.
That will make this-
WREN
You wrote Nathadrics Pranks! And
Shadows Perch! Well, obviously you
wrote them, yes, you were there.
But still! Im sure you hear this
all the time, but you absolutely
quake. How you weave words and
melodies and slide little motifs
past the ear only to cinch them
together in ensemble passages and
suddenly - wow! - its all right
there, every voice in harmony!
Youre brilliant.
SILVER TOM
Thank you.
WREN
Would you sign my badge?
74.
SILVER TOM (cont'd)
SILVER TOM
Sure.
She SQUEES with delight, hands over her badge. Tom signs it.
WREN
I was in the amphitheater when you
premiered Hither Came Karn! Oh,
what a night! Is it true? Is he
really as huge as you say?
SILVER TOM
Well, half the stories say his
father was a giant.
WREN
(taking the bait)
And the other half?
SILVER TOM
That his mother was the giant.
Wren belts out way-too-loud fangirl LAUGH, points at Tom in a
you got me.
WREN
Holy hells, youre Silver Tom.
SILVER TOM
I still am, yes.
WREN
Youre Silver Tom, and youre here.
Sod a god.
SILVER TOM
And based on your inventive
blasphemies, you must be Wren.
WREN
I - yes! Well! Im - why would
you even know that? I mean,
someone like you knowing who I...
(beat)
Why are you all the way out here?
Is there another epic in progress?
SILVER TOM
Ah. Heres where the conversation
turns.
Tom slyly pockets Wrens badge.
75.
SILVER TOM
Im going to need your notes.
Wren blinks. Understanding settles in. She pales.
WREN
Sod-shagging rod-rot.
SILVER TOM
Another one I havent heard.
INT. BEDCHAMBER - TRANSIS 66 66
Starling lies on a bed in her best Sleeping Beauty. Karns
court WIZARD assesses the situation.
WIZARD
This is no normal sleep, Majesty.
The poison on the assassins blade,
meant for you, has left her in a
torpor from which she cannot wake.
Karn nods, dismissing the Wizard. The Chamberlain escorts
the Seer into the room.
SEER
Will this take long? That woman
charges by the hour.
(sees Karn)
Oh. Great king.
Karn steps aside, revealing Starling.
SEER
Oh, my.
The Seer crosses to look down at the frozen queen.
SEER
So silent. So still. So unlike
her... I take it?
He sets a hand on her forehead, the other to his, and MUTTERS
crescendoing gibberish until he breaks contact with a GASP.
KARN
Well?
SEER
Twere powerful hands wrought this
magic, Majesty, hands that would as
soon be wrapped around your throat.
76.
KARN
Damned Wicked Kings!
SEER
Indeed. This curse is beyond my
strength to break. However!
He spins abruptly, putting his back to Starling.
SEER
Not beyond yours. Magic dies with
the magician. Slay the Kings, your
wife awakes. So long as they live,
however, she will remain thus.
Karn scowls.
KARN
It would seem I have no choice but
to undertake your quest.
SEER
Its as I said, Majesty: the Sword
pulls all destinies towards it.
KARN
Very well, seer. To save my queen,
Ill fetch this sword, the sooner
to be done with it.
SEER
The bards will sing of this day!
KARN
And once the Kings are dead... what
of my vengeance?
SEER
Yes, yes. Once youve slain the
Wicked Kings, youll have your
chance to kill Vieris.
The Seer grins - then suddenly goes rigid. Blood drips
between his teeth. He topples, dead, revealing Starling
standing behind him with a bloody dagger in hand.
STARLING
(KING)
Oh, dear. Did we do that?
The Wicked Kings LAUGH uproariously through Starling.
77.
Carrows holy symbol lies in the dirt. He stoops, picks it
up, and grimaces as it steams, burning his hand.
CARROW
Is this punishment, Vieris? For my
sins? For abandoning a companion?
Carrow wraps the holy symbol in cloth as a buffer, kneels.
CARROW
(three times quickly)
Blessed Vieris, grant me wisdom.
Lead me back to the Light.
Carrow wanders among the tombstones, bumping into meandering
ZOMBIES that turn his way as he passes. Some follow him.
CARROW
Dulcinara? Superfluous?
He clumsily bumps into a Zombie. He bumps into another
pinballs off it. Hes about to collide with a third... but
this one holds out a dainty hand, stopping Carrow. Then it
turns its hand over, as if for Carrow to kiss.
DEATH
Carrow, I believe?
The Undeads cloak and cowl cant conceal a graceful female
form. The shadows hide her face - the face of DEATH.
DEATH
Ive been watching your progress
with great interest.
CARROW
Who... what are you?
DEATH
I think you know. Or at least you
suspect.
Carrow thrusts out his holy symbol.
DEATH
Yes, you are correct. And please,
put that away. Its rude.
CARROW
What do you want from me?
78.
DEATH
No. Its what you want from me.
Death steps forward into some light, revealing her bone-white
face and cascade of blood-red hair. She smiles.
DEATH
We have much to discuss.
Terrified, Carrow thrusts his holy symbol skyward.
CARROW
Light of Vieris! Light of Truth!
Light of Heaven, SHINE!
Blinding light flares from the holy symbol. Death vanishes
in a puff of shadow.
Carrow falls to his knees, his arm burnt to a stump.
BLACKOUT.
79.
EPISODE VIII
The candles have almost all burnt out. Scrolls litter the
floor. The Watcher, happily drunk, has his feet on the desk.
WATCHER
(singing)
I hate my job! I hate it so
sodding much! Sod my job!
Glorion explodes through the wall in shower of bricks and
dust. The Watcher falls backwards out of his chair.
GLORION
Look, Roderick! Some sort of
wizard! I can tell from the robes
and the general air of virgin!
RODERICK
Your insight never ceases to amaze.
GLORION
I thank you! Wizard! Tell me
where to find the Sword of
Fighting, and I will honorably
spare your life! With honor!
The Watcher pulls himself up and goes to his desk.
WATCHER
Fine! I give up! I dont care any
more! Youve despoiled every room
in the dungeon. Here, take my map!
He scribbles notes on the map, offers it to Glorion.
WATCHER
That route will take you directly
to the sword chamber, bypassing the
great guardian dracotaur.
GLORION
Dracotaur?
WATCHERA
A horrid beast with the body of a
dragon and the head of a minotaur!
Which is really just a dragon with
a bulls head.
80.
GLORION
You sound familiar. Roderick! Do
you recognize that voice?
RODERICK
Of course not.
GLORION
I believe this is the fellow whos
been narrating our dungeon trek!
The Watcher turns his attention on Roderick.
WATCHER
And why would you abandon your post?
RODERICK
Hey, I volunteered for this job.
And my partner is still alive, so-
GLORION
I was pretty sure I killed him.
RODERICK
You didnt, wise one.
GLORION
Well, we can always backtrack.
What do you think, Roderick? Shall
I dispatch this vile virgin wizard?
WATCHER
What?
RODERICK
Yes, thats entirely necessary.
GLORION
Thats the spirit!
WATCHER
Rot.
Glorion stabs the Watcher, who topples.
INT. WATCHERS ROOM - TEMPLE OF ALL DOOMS - INTRO BIT 69 69
Glorion struts across the room and through another door.
Roderick remains, staring down at the Watchers body.
81.
CAPTION: Episode VIII: Fall Into Darkness
Wren defensively hugs her backpack to her chest.
WREN
No, but... but this is my epic.
SILVER TOM
Was. Sadly. The Headmistress
reassigned it to me. Heres the
writ.
He hands her a scroll. She numbly scans it.
WREN
But I didnt do anything wrong. I
didnt break any rules!
SILVER TOM
My first epic was reassigned after
an unexpected assassination - thank
you, Kings - turned what should
have been a courtly romance into an
ever-escalating intrigue of
reprisals and counter-murders. It
grew beyond me, as this epic has
grown beyond you.
WREN
You got Silverwind after that.
Ill never get another epic this
big.
SILVER TOM
There never will be another one
this big! Its bigger than you, or
I, our entire order! Were well
beyond ballads and bawdies here.
This isnt some happy holiday
youre chronicling, some collection
of follies youll be recounting
over a fire to a gaggle of beaming
admirers. This is a critical event
in our worlds history.
WREN
Ive passed the classes. Im
prepared.
82.
SILVER TOM
Prepared. Those people youre
following, your protagonists? Do
you feel anything for them? Of
course you do; its only natural
Youve spent - what, a year now? -
mapping out their habits, their
personalities, learning their
hopes, loves, fears. You care what
happens to them, yeah?
Wren cant hide a hint of a smile.
SILVER TOM
Youll get to watch them die. Some
of them, maybe all of them. And
when that does inevitably happen,
youll be right there, nearby,
writing down their calls for help
while the curtain drops. Youre
never prepared for that.
WREN
You cant know thats going to
happen.
SILVER TOM
And you dont know what I saw in
the ruins. You dont want to know
who else is watching.
WREN
Who?
SILVER TOM
What this epic needs is a master at
the top of his craft. Not an
untried debutante playing at fame.
Give me your notes.
Wren tries on a range of emotions. She settles on defiance.
WREN
No. Youve got no legal standing
to take the epic. This-
(brandishes writ)
-is predicated on me committing an
infraction, and I havent violated
a single sodding tenet!
SILVER TOM
Is that so? Youve spoken to no
one in the story?
83.
WREN
Only peripherals, and only outside
the central narrative.
SILVER TOM
And you havent altered,
intentionally or un-, any of their
behavior? No ones under taken a
course of action they wouldnt have
had they not met you?
WREN
Not a one.
Rilk seizes Silver Tom from behind, presses his blade to his
throat. Tom starts in shock. Wren YELPS.
Rilk opens his mouth to speak, shuts it.
RILK

INT. BEDCHAMBER - TRANSIS 71 71
The Kings LAUGH through Starling. Karn and Chamberlain step
back, disturbed. The Queen SIGHS, cocks Starlings head.
STARLING
(QUEEN)
You seem surprised to see us, Karn.
I havent the faintest idea why.
(PRINCE)
Ill wager he still thinks we were
trying to kill him.
(KING)
Yes! Wait, werent we?
(QUEEN)
Oh, you stupid barbarian, this was
never about getting to you.
(KING)
You might have told me it wasnt.
(PRINCE)
No, we woudlnt want you dying as a
martyr, now, would we?
(QUEEN)
That would make you immortal to
those plebes you coddle.
(PRINCE)
And make them cling even harder to
that ridiculous freedom you gave
them, the entitled bastards.
(KING)
84.
(MORE)
Just so were clear, I, for one, was,
and still am, trying to kill you.
KARN
What is it you want?
STARLING
(PRINCE)
Really? Rather slow on the uptake.
(KING)
We want you dead, obviously.
(QUEEN)
But not before youve betrayed your
legend. Not before your people see
you abandon them and the crown and
queen you won, as youre so fond of
saying, with your own hand.
Karns eyes go hard as steel.
KARN
Never.
STARLING
(QUEEN)
No? Oh, all right, then. I guess
well just have to have Starling
swallow this dagger-
(KING)
Or smash her skull to ruin against
those steps-
(PRINCE)
Or have her traipse ever so gaily
out the window and do her best
rotten pumpkin on the cobblestones
below. Aaaahhh... splat.
(KING)
We really have no shortage of ways
to kill the wayward little strumpet.
(QUEEN)
Any of which would be blamed on you.
KARN
Youd do that? Kill your own
daughter?
STARLING
(QUEEN)
I think we just made that
abundantly clear.
(KING)
Slow on the uptake indeed.
(PRINCE)
85.
STARLING (cont'd)
(MORE)
So whatll it be, King The
Unpleasant? Abdication, or is it
rotten pumpkin time?
Starling traipses towards the window while the Kings
SINGrandom discordant LA LA LAs.
KARN
HOLD!
STARLING
(QUEEN)
Yeeeeeeees?
KARN
Dont hurt her. Transis is yours.
STARLING
(KING)
I told you he was soft.
Swift as a wolf, Karn rushes to Starling and takes her face
gently in his hands.
KARN
My darling, my love, if youre
still in there, hear me! By the
sun and the moon and the burning
furnace of hell, I will free you!
He kisses her deeply. The Kings give muffled screams.
As he Karn strides out, leaving the Kings SPUTTERING through
Starling, he says to the Chamberlain:
KARN
Bind them.
And hes gone.
STARLING
(QUEEN and KING, ad libs)
Blech. Disgusting.
(PRINCE)
Speak for yourself. Man has lips
like a velvet vise.
Rilks blade at his collar, Tom glares at Wren.
SILVER TOM
Havent changed anyones behavior.
86.
STARLING (cont'd)
WREN
What are you-? I mean, hi!
(smoothing hair)
I wasnt really expecting to see
you again. Not that I mind.
RILK
<Did he burn you? Are you hurt?
Not that I expect you to be.
Youre independent... I dont care
that youre pretty, because... I
dont need to be here... and Im
really bad at this.>
WREN
Oh, I wish I paid attention in
languages. Can you make out what
hes saying?
SILVER TOM
Im far from fluent, but hes not
making any sense. Hes speaking in
fragments and trailing off like
some tongue-tied... oh, my.
WREN
What? ...oh. Oh.
SILVER TOM
Isnt that interesting.
Rilk flings Tom aside. He spin-hits the ground.
RILK
<So youre not in danger. Thats
clear. Soup bones, I assed it up
again. Im really not like this.>
Tom pops up, his hat decidedly un-jaunty.
SILVER TOM
Infraction! Romantic entanglement.
This epic is compromised.
WREN
What? No, we havent... theres
nothing going on here!
RILK
<Want me to knock him down?>
87.
SILVER TOM
Well, if thats the case, then this-
(grabs Wrens hand)
-should have absolutely-
(spins her into his arms)
-no effect.
He dips and kisses her. Wren and Silver Tom look up at Rilk.
Rilk lowers his blade as well as his guard.
RILK
<Ah. Sorry, I... sorry.>
The Corpse Worm suddenly grabs Rilk, yanks him off. His
sword CLATTERS down.
Tom and Wren YELP. Wren rolls out of Toms arms - leaving
her pack in his grasp - and dives for Rilks sword.
SILVER TOM
Dont get involved!
Tom realizes hes holding her pack.
Wren stabs the Corpse Worm. It shrieks. Rilk falls, goop-
covered. Hes more angry and embarrassed than scared.
Rilk whips out his battle horn and blows it.
Yart and Grelnok hear the call of Rilks horn. They share a
look and rush towards the mausoleum.
On the other side of the mausoleum, Perf, dragging a drugged
and GIGGLING Nara, leads the Assassin and Strong Like Bull
out of the tomb complex via an overgrown staircase.
PERF
Now can we please leave this
place?!
ASSASSIN
Straight away.
PERF
Dont forget Carrow. You wont get
full price without him.
88.
ASSASSIN
Hes dead already. Let him rot.
CARROW (O.S.)
Im not a monster.
Everyone spins around. There, Carrow kneels amid the ruins.
His right sleeve hangs limply over the stump of his arm.
CARROW
I am an ordained holy priest of
Vieris, Lord of Light, whose mercy
endures forever. Leave us, bounty
hunter. Leave us, or I will call
the wrath of my god down upon you.
ASSASSIN
Somehow? Not the slightest bit
worried.
CARROW
You mock my faith?
PERF
No! She thinks youre absolutely
overflowing with faith, a veritable
faith fountain, and theres really
no reason to-
Carrow thrusts his cloth-wrapped holy symbol skyward.
CARROW
Wardens of Order and Guardians on
High, heed my call! In Vieris name
I summon thee! Strike down the
unworthy, o Angel of Justice!
PERF
Well, sod.
A WARRIOR ANGEL, glowing with holy light, appears in a flash.
NARA
Shes so pretty. Like a big ball
of cats.
The Angel raises her trumpet and blows an angelic FANFARE.
89.
ANGEL
And yea, let my angels be as
judges among the flock, that they
may bring justice to the
downtrodden, and rain fury upon
those who sin. Judgments 4:13.
ASSASSIN
Rot.
CARROW
Hark, angel! Deliver us!
She turns towards Carrow... and draws her glimmering sword.
ANGEL
Abomination!
CARROW
Free us from... what?
ANGEL
Be cleansed!
She swings at Carrow, slicing his holy symbol in half.
SWORD
Die, feather-butt!
The Sword leaps into Perfs hand and drags him towards the
Angel. The Angel whirls to blocks the thrust with her
trumpet, which spins out of her hand.
PERF
Im so sorry!
SWORD
Kill her! Chop her tits off!
PERF
Please forgive me!
ANGEL
You are all agents of shadow!
The Angel attacks Perf. The Sword shouts with glee.
Carrow, numb, kneels over his cloven holy symbol.
CARROW
How? How?
90.
He grabs at his hair like a man stressed... and manages to
tear away part of his face. He gapes at the layers of skin
in his own hands.
The Angel drives Perf past him with a series of sword blows.
PERF
Im converting! All praise Vieris!
ANGEL
Stand and be judged!
The Assassin hurls a dart at the Angel. It bounces off.
STRONG LIKE BULL
You cant hurt her with her nimbus
up! You have to dispell it or
shell kill us all!
(to Carrow)
You! Death-priest!
That title hits Carrow like a punch in the gut. Strong grabs
the Angels fallen trumpet and rushes it over to him.
CARROW
Death-priest?
STRONG LIKE BULL
Infuse this with shadow!
Carrow takes the trumpet. Lost, he looks out over the ruins-
-and sees Death watching him. She shrugs a well?
A look of frustrated rage crosses Carrows face. He grabs
the trumpet and grits his teeth. A nimbus of shadow settles
over the trumpet.
The Angel drives Perf ever backwards. The Sword SNARLS as it
blocks her lightning-quick thrusts and parries.
PERF
I confess that I am in bondage to
sin and cannot free myself!
ANGEL
Fall into darkness!
CARROW
Hark, angel.
She turns. Carrow touches the trumpet to the Angel. The
holy light around her vanishes. She swoons, sickened.
91.
With a bloodthirsty WAR CRY, the Sword drags Perf towards the
Angel and chops her head off. Her headless corpse hits the
ground. The Sword BELLOWS in mindless, wordless glee:
SWORD
RAAA GAR BRAGA RAGAR RAAAAAAAA!!
The motley collection of adventurers gathers to stare down at
the Angels body. Carrow looks off thoughtfully.
CARROW
I do believe the church will frown
on this.
SWORD
I just had a wargasm.
Across the ruins, Death meets Carrows gaze. She quietly,
politely applauds.
BLACKOUT.
92.
EPISODE IX
EXT. WOODED FOOTHILLS - DAY 75 75
The Assassin leads her bound and bound together prisoners
down a wooded trail. Nara, headaching, hangs her head.
The Sword SINGS at Perfs hip.
SWORD
(singing)
I killed an angel! I killed an
angel! I killed an angel! Killed
her dead! I killed -- !
PERF
Would you shut up?!
SWORD
An angel! Do you have any idea how
rare that is? I know catapults who
havent killed angels!
PERF
Oh, now it talks to catapults.
SWORD
Not if I dont have to. Whiny
bastards, all of them. Its all
my arm this, my arm that. Look
out, Im gonna hurl.
PERF
(to Strong Like Bull)
In your studies, was there anything
to indicate the Sword was --
STRONG LIKE BULL
Dangerously insane? Not really.
SWORD
(singing)
I killed an angel! I killed an
angel!
The Assassin abruptly halts, peering at something in the
distance: a winking light, like a reflection off a mirror.
EXT. WOODED FOOTHILLS - DAY - TITLE BIT 76 76
The Assassin drags the others across the wilderness
93.
CAPTION: Episode IX: Retromancer
EXT. CLEARING - FOREST - DAY 77 77
The Assassin re-ties Perfs bonds so that his arms are slung
above his head over the bow of a low-hanging branch.
The Assassin admires her work. Perf, Nara, Carrow, and the
Orcs bonds are all similarly tied over the limb.
She slips between the trees without a sound.
CARROW
Were almost to the Reaches. This
may be our last chance to escape.
NARA
And how are we supposed to do that
with our hands tied above ... ?
Through her headache, she notices Carrow has two arms again.
His right arm is pale skinned, with manicured fingernails.
NARA
I thought you... is that your arm?
CARROW
... its an arm.
NARA
Where did you get it?
CARROW
The graveyard.
NARA
Is that the angels arm?
A beat.
CARROW
Were getting off topic. These
bonds wont cut themselves.
PERF
(to Sword)
Youre in a good mood. How about
cutting your Chosen One free?
94.
SWORD
You know, you have a very pretty
beard for a little girl.
STRONG LIKE BULL
Youre a wizard. Cast something.
PERF
Ah, see, theres the flaw in your
plan. My spells all suck.
STRONG LIKE BULL
Even the most obscure spell can be
surprisingly versatile under the
right circumstances. What do you
have memorized?
PERF
Mend, Conjure Milk, and Vague.
Another beat.
STRONG LIKE BULL
Conjure Milk? How is that even a
spell?
NARA
I know!
In a montage of quick handheld POV zooms, the Orcs kill the
shit out of the Corpse Worm.
Wren shies away from the fight. She spots her bag on the
floor. Grabs it. Checks it. Her notebook is missing.
WREN
Oh, no. No, no, no!
Toms nowhere to be seen. She dashes from the battle.
Rilk lands the killing blow on the Corpse Worm. From its
POV, it shudders, rolls, falls on its back. Rilk kills it.
A twist of the knife, and Rilk holds up the beasts heart.
RILK
<Victory!>
GRELNOK
<Victory!>
YART
<Victory!>
95.
Rilk takes a bite out of the heart, grimaces. He passes it
to Yart, who does the same, on both counts. Rilk looks
around. When he doesnt see Wren, his face falls.
RILK
<Whered she go?>
Yart shakes his head - he doesnt know
GRELNOK (O.S.)
<Good news!>
Grelnok steps into frame, holds up an clutch of entrails.
GRELNOK
<The worm didnt eat her!>
Grelnok grabs the heart from Yart, takes a huge bite.
EXT. EDGE OF THE RUINS - RUINS OF SUMBRE - DAY FOR NIGHT 79 79
Wren finds Tom sitting atop a rock at the edge of the Angels
battlefield. Hes finishing writing notes in her notebook.
SILVER TOM
You just missed the most remarkable
battle. A grand and unexpected
turn of events that marks a turning
point for a major character. It
will make quite the set piece.
WREN
Please. Tom. Dont take my
assignment.
SILVER TOM
Heartstrings. A good tactic. But
its not up to me. This decision
was made a thousand miles ago.
WREN
Take me with you, then. I can
help. I know them.
SILVER TOM
Do you? Your notes are rather
surface level.
WREN
Yes! I do!
96.
SILVER TOM
All right. Whats Carrows current
emotional landscape? How would you
describe whats he going through
internally? Hm? Dont know?
Wren realizes she doesnt know.
SILVER TOM
No idea? Nara, then. The drive,
the detachment, keeping everyone at
arms length... whats behind that?
Come on, this is basic.
Wren cant answer. She can blink back tears.
SILVER TOM
Heres an easy one: Perf. Whys he
even on this quest? An even
simpler one: why is he the Chosen
One? Because its clear to me.
Its all right here.
WREN
I dont know.
SILVER TOM
Whats that?
WREN
Ill find out!
SILVER TOM
Im Sorry. Youll get another
epic. Something more in tune with
your talents.
Rilk emerges from the tomb, sees Wren has been crying. He
looks up at Tom, sees Wrens notebook in his hands.
RILK
<Give her back her book.>
SILVER TOM
Ill give you a mention in an act.
With your very own rhyme scheme.
RILK

WREN
Dont bother.
97.
Rilk starts towards Tom. Tom pops a pink potion from his
bandolier, uncorks it.
SILVER TOM
You should seriously explore this
subplot youve got going on. You
deserve no small joy for the time
youve put in. I wish you well.
He quaffs the potion and vanishes.
EXT. RUINED FOUNDATIONS - FOREST - DAY 80 80
By the foundations of a ruined house, the Assassin finds a
comatose ELF MESSENGER standing beside a HORSE. Shes
wearing a black tabard with an inverted crown on it: the
symbol of the Wicked Kings.
ASSASSIN
An elf, hey? Dont think I dont
appreciate that.
ELF MESSENGER
(KING)
We are not impressed by your delay.
ASSASSIN
Had a bit of a hang up in Sumbre.
ELF MESSENGER
(KING)
Neither are we interested in
excuses! You dare keep us waiting-
(QUEEN)
Stop being dramatic. Youre not
impressing anyone.
(KING)
Dont interrupt me, woman!
(QUEEN)
Dont get bald and fat and go
limper than a wet wick.
(KING)
Whore! Ill show you whos limp!
(QUEEN)
Youll show me whos limp.
Interesting. It has the basic form
of a threat, but without conveying
any sense of actual danger.
(PRINCE)
And youre fighting again, during
important state business, no less.
98.
(MORE)
You know what, lets just forget
about that whole potential end of
our reign thing so we can throw
barbs at each other. Huh? Hows
that sound? Cretins.
(QUEEN)
Gods, I wish Id drowned you.
(PRINCE)
Hey there, Sexy Shadow Pants? So
do you have the questers or what?
ASSASSIN
Three of four, including the Chosen
One.
ELF MESSENGER
(PRINCE)
Thats really the only one we care
about.
(QUEEN)
Bring us the Sword and the Chosen
One.
(KING)
You can kill the rest.
ASSASSIN
Thank you.
ELF MESSENGER
(QUEEN)
And do be a dear and dispose of
this vessel for us, will you?
(KING)
She jests about my impotence. I
have the libido of a mammoth!
The Elf suddenly sags and blinks as if awakening from a deep
sleep. She reacts with disgust when she sees her tabard.
The Assassin CLEARS HER THROAT. The Elf looks up at the
Assassin. Her face drains.
ELF MESSENGER
Please! I wont tell anyone!
ASSASSIN
Correct.
The Assassin stabs her.
EXT. CLEARING - FOREST - DAY 81 81
ANGLE ON: Naras ear. She heard the whole conversation.
99.
ELF MESSENGER (cont'd)
NARA
Shes coming to kill us. We have
to free ourselves now.
STRONG LIKE BULL
Mend!
PERF
What?
STRONG LIKE BULL
Mend! Its a sewing spell!
Retrocast it on your bonds!
PERF
I dont know ...
ORC
Youve done it with other spells!
Just pretend youre reading it!
Perf, skeptical, focuses intently on his bonds and casts.
Perfs bonds unravel, freeing him.
PERF
Huh. It worked.
ASSASSIN (O.S.)
Huzzah.
She kicks Perf in the face.
Perf grabs his magic rock and hurls it at the Assassin. It
hits her in the shoulder. The Assassin GRUNTS in surprised
pain, glares murder back at Perf.
PERF
Sod.
He draws the Sword. The Sword swings and SLAPS him in the
face with his flat -- over and over again.
SWORD
Whyre you hitting yourself?
Whyre you hitting yourself?
PERF
Stop that!
Carrow, somehow free, appears behind Nara and gnaws through
her bonds. They snap, freeing her.
100.
The sword force-sheathes itself, then swings around and
CRACKS Perf in the crotch again. Perf sinks to his knees.
SWORD
Vengeance is mine!
The Assassin goes for Perf. Nara tackles her out of the way.
They roll across the ground in a tangle of CURSES and jabs.
The Assassin comes up on top, gripping Naras hair in one
hand and holding her sword to Naras throat with the other.
ASSASSIN
(whispering)
And the destiny is mine.
From his knees, Perf desperately casts.
The Assassins pants legs suddenly sew together.
ASSASSIN
What the -- ?
The Assassin teeters and falls. Nara scrambles free. The
Assassin awkwardly hops to her feet, sword in hand.
ASSASSIN
You think I need legs to kill her?!
Perf casts again. The Assassins sleeves sew to her sides.
ASSASSIN
Rot.
Nara punches her. The Assassin falls, dropping her sword.
Nara grabs the Assassins sword and stabs down at her.
A puff of smoke, a blur of movement.
Nara yanks the sword from the ground. The Assassins empty,
sewn-together clothes hang off the blade.
Perf unties Strong Like Bull, who bathes him in praise.
STRONG LIKE BULL
You see! What did I tell you? A
definitive magical effect,
flawlessly retrocast! Perfect
spell inversion! Youre well on
your way, master mage! Or should I
call you retromancer? I think I
should.
101.
Strong ruffles Perfs hair. Perf blushes. He looks away,
meets eyes with Nara. She nods, gives him a genuine smile.
NARA
Well done, Perf.
Perf blushes deeper. Nara blushes back, then looks angry at
herself for having done so. She turns to Carrow.
NARA
Carrow! How did you free yourself?
Carrow has no arms. Nara blinks. She looks back to the
tree, where Carrows torn-off arms hang over the branch.
NARA
Oh. Thats quite a... quite a
thing.
CARROW
I suggest we make ourselves scarce
while we have the advantage.
Perf grins at Carrow, amused.
CARROW
What?
PERF
Its just... youve been disarmed.
Carrow just stares at him for a moment. Then he walks away.
PERF
Because you have no arms, you see.
Thats why its funny.
Strong grabs Carrows arms. The party hikes off together.
NARA
Were still far from safe, you
know. Were hardly out of harms
way.
PERF
At least theres one less crazy
person chasing us for the Sword.
NARA
I guess thats true.
102.
High in the tree, above where Carrows arms were hanging,
above tree, strategically positioned to preserve a PG-13
rating, the naked Assassin glares after them.
At last, we see her face. The Assassin has the pointed,
tapered ears of an elf -- and a tattoo identical to Naras.
BLACKOUT.
103.
EPISODE X
EXT. EDGE OF THE RUINS - RUINS OF SUMBRE - DAY 82 82
Wren sits where Tom sat, her head in her hands.
RILK
<We killed the worm. Theres still
some heart left, unless Grelnok ate
it all.>
WREN
I cant understand you.
Rilk hesitantly sits by her. They dont look at each other.
RILK
<Its my fault that he took your
book. Isnt it?>
WREN
What are you even doing here?
RILK

WREN
Sitting here with you and no epic
is not how I saw today ending.
RILK

WREN
Ive wanted to roll you in the
nearest haystack since I saw you,
you have no idea. You really have
no idea, do you?
RILK
<Id never be telling you this if
you could understand me.>
WREN
I cant believe I just said that.
Well, its not like you understand.
She slides off the rock, slings her cloak around her
shoulders. Rilk rises.
104.
RILK
<We can escort you to a trade post.>
WREN
Dont. No more today.
She heads off. Rilk follows. Wren whirls on him.
WREN
Get away from me! You dont even
understand... you cost me my epic!
RILK

WREN
And it had just become something
real, something important! Something
entirely mine, and now its gone!
Cant you understand that?!
RILK

WREN
It was my chance to be remembered
as someone outside my family, and
you cost me that, you-!
(shoves him)
-meddlesome-!
(shoves him)
-hulking-!
She shoves him a third time, pauses to think of the worst
insult she can hurl his way.
WREN
-ORC!
That, Rilk understood. He sets his jaw. Without showing
anything - no anger, no petulance - he turns, strides away.
EXT. EDGE OF THE RUINS - RUINS OF SUMBRE - DAY - TITLE BIT 83 83
Rilk strides away. Wren half-reaches after Rilk, snatches
her hand back. She turns, stalks off the opposite direction.
CAPTION: Episode X: Through Every Trial and Hardship
105.
EXT. EDGE OF THE WOODS - DAY 84 84
Strong Like Bull saddles the Horse of the dead Elf Messenger.
Perf semi-sulks alongside him.
PERF
Do you really have to go? Theres
so much I could learn from you.
STRONG LIKE BULL
No doubt. But the Swords been
drawn. Great events are in motion.
I must confer with my colleagues.
They have answers I need.
PERF
What do I do? With it and myself?
STRONG LIKE BULL
Youre caught up in prophecy now,
Chosen One, riding on the tides of
history. Whatever happens is meant
to. Youll find your answers.
Perf sags. Strong Like Bull hands him a small talisman.
STRONG LIKE BULL
If you ever find yourself in need
of sanctuary, come to the Turtle
River sect of the Laughing Bear
clan, and tell them Strong Like
Bull sent you.
PERF
Thats your name?
STRONG LIKE BULL
The one I was given. Its about as
fitting as the one you use.
He swings into the saddle, leans down to clasp Perfs hand.
STRONG LIKE BULL
Farewell, wizard who is far from
superfluous!
They shake. Strong Like Bull swings into the saddle and
rides off across the landscape. Perf waves goodbye.
PERF
Farewell! ... actual friend.
106.
He watches Strong Like Bull fade in the distance. Alone, he
kicks the ground. Then he spots flowers -- honeysuckle --
growing by a tree. He kneels and picks a handful.
Rilk, steel-faced, marches back to Grelnok and Yart.
YART
<So, how did it go?>
RILK
<Dead end. Weve wasted enough
time. Back on task. We have a
Temple to search.>
Grelnok and Yart eye one another.
GRELNOK
<Still? Its getting late in the
year, and without Kurn->
RILK
<What are you, Orcs or Men? Our
mission hasnt changed! We kill
the Orcslayer or he kills us!
Either way, it doesnt matter where
we winter! With me!>
He pushes through them, strides past them.
YART
<Did you remember to give her your
name?>
Rilk stops in his tracks. Hands on hips, he hangs his head.
INT. BEDCHAMBER - TRANSIS - LATER 86 86
Starling has been chained to the bed.
STARLING
(PRINCE)
Well. I suppose we should have
planned for this.
(KING)
Must be a dream come true for you,
being chained to Karns bed.
(beat)
(QUENN)
Well, deny it at least!
107.
(MORE)
(PRINCE)
Deny what? Hes got me there.
EXT. SIDE GATE - TRANSIS - SUNSET 87 87
Karn steps out of a small gate in the city wall between a
pair of GUARDS. He rests a hand fondly on the city wall.
KARN
Transis. City of Treachery, such a
fickle lover. I shall miss her.
The Chamberlain and pair of GUARDS lead a HORSE to Karn.
CHAMBERLAIN
Where will you, Majesty?
KARN
The Seer said the Afterlands. Ill
start there. You will rule in my
stead with an iron fist!
The Chamberlain gapes, moved by the honor.
CHAMBERLAIN
Noble Karn! I-
KARN
But remember! All decrees must be
approved by a two-thirds majority
of the bicameral house.
CHAMBERLAIN
Yes, great king!
KARN
And it them must be approved by a
majority - not a plurality! - of
the grand judges.
CHAMBERLAIN
Of course, my king.
KARN
And allow no individual more than
two terms in office. Ill have no
lifelong politicians in my kingdom,
damn me if I will!
CHAMBERLAIN
It will be so, Highness!
Karn mounts the Horse. Chamberlain hands him Justice.
108.
STARLING (cont'd)
KARN
I will return. Make sure Ive a
kingdom to return to.
With a mighty BELLOW, Karn spurs his horse into a gallop.
EXT. HOT SPRINGS - DAY 88 88
Carrow, dead-eyed, stands silently among the trees, staring
out at something in a natural hot springs.
Nara -- her back to us -- bathes naked in the steamy water.
She sloughs dirt from her hair, kneads the back of her neck.
Carrow watches without a trace of desire. Perf tromps up.
PERF
Hey. There you are. The Orcs
gone, not that you care. Have you
seen Nar...
(sees Nara)
Oh, my. Gods Above and Below, we
thank you for this generous bounty.
Nara hears him. Alarmed, she turns her head, sees the men,
YELPS, and goes underwater to her neck.
NARA
You-! Hedonists! Turn around!
Perf and Carrow turn around. Nara snatches her clothes from
the bank of the spring. Perf leans in to Carrow.
PERF
I want to know everything. Color,
shape, firmness. Symmetry,
curvature. Buoyancy.
CARROW
What?
PERF
Everything! What did you see?
CARROW
The most glorious things I never
cared about.
Her cloak wrapped around her like a towel, Nara storms past,
MUTTERING angrily. Perf follows apologetically.
109.
PERF
Im sorry! To be fair, I didnt
know it was you.
NARA
Get away from me!
PERF
You have really nice skin.
NARA (O.S.)
Away, humie!
Perf follows her off. Carrow stays where he is.
DEATH (O.S.)
A sight like that doesnt stir your
ardor? Youre farther advanced
than I thought.
Carrow turns to find Death standing beside him.
DEATH
I must say, I quite enjoyed your
encounter the angel. Very
entertaining, and brilliantly
handled. I see you kept a
souvenir. And how you freed
yourself... very clever.
(beat)
I do appreciate that you havent
tried to incinerate me again.
CARROW
I lost my holy symbol.
DEATH
You should find another one.
CARROW
My faith needs no iconography.
DEATH
Such piety, such devotion in the
face of abandonment.
CARROW
This is a test. Vieris mercy, His
forgiveness, are everlasting.
DEATH
As clearly evidenced by his angel.
110.
Carrow glares at her. Death smiles, her eyes laughing.
DEATH
Oh, Carrow. I enjoy you so. You
have no idea how refreshing it is
to speak with someone free-minded,
not bound to me at birth.
Carrow tromps away from her. She almost frowns.
DEATH
How rude.
EXT. CREEK -- DAY 89 89
Wren casually flings her quills pens into the water. She
watches them drift away, SIGHS. Pulls out a map and compass.
WREN
And the closest port town is...
damn, thats far.
The still-naked Assassin pops up behind Wren and puts a knife
to her ribs.
ASSASSIN
Give me your clothes.
She chances a look over her shoulder, sees the Assassin.
WREN
Oh, wonderful. Its you. And
youre naked.
ASSASSIN
Your clothes. Give them to me.
WREN
Bardic im...
Wren reaches for a badge that isnt there.
WREN
He took my badge. The sodding
sodder took my badge, and now
youre taking my clothes!
ASSASSIN
Leggings, blouse, everything.
111.
WREN
Not the blouse! This is a Rose
City original! It cost me four
hundred-!
The Assassin pokes Wren in the ribs.
WREN
Fine! Take it! Take it all!
(rips off her vest)
Fat and warty!
EXT. NEW CAMPSITE -- THE WOODS -- DAY 90 90
Perf leans his back against the tree. Behind the tree, Nara,
her hair still wet, belts her tunic.
PERF
I didnt know what you were up to.
NARA
Its fine. Dont mention it.
PERF
I really wasnt expecting to catch-
NARA
Dont mention it means dont
mention it. So stop mentioning it.
Fully clothed, she stalks back around the tree. Perf holds
out his waterskin. She looks a question at it, and him.
PERF
Twillbark. In water. Should help
with the headache from the toxin.
Nara accepts the waterskin, sips. The taste is atrocious.
PERF
Its pretty foul. Should have
said. And I made it rather strong.
Naras brow unclenches a bit. She takes another awful sip.
NARA
That does help. A bit. The soak
did, too. Thank you.
PERF
Well. I help where I can.
112.
NARA
Thank you. For coming back.
PERF
No thanks due. She dragged me
back. I was unconscious at the-
NARA
I meant in the ruins. The memories
are hazy, but I remember that. You
could have gotten away. You came
back. So thank you.
She smiles guardedly. Such openness is new to her.
PERF
Well, you know. You cant say
perfect without first saying
Perf.
She just stares at him. Perf squirms.
PERF
Id like to apologize on several
levels-
Nara bursts into unwilling LAUGHTER. She cant quelch it.
PERF
That was pretty bad, huh?
NARA
Oh, terrible.
To stop the LAUGHS, she takes another sip. Winces. GIGGLES.
PERF
I have something else for you.
CARROW (O.S.)
Pale Mountain.
They look up as Carrow tromps over.
PERF
What about it? And can I have a
moment?
NARA
The Oracle.
113.
CARROW
If anyone knows how I can be
restored, she does.
PERF
I could ask her how to be rid of
the Sword. Im a walking target
with this thing on my hip.
NARA
And I could ask her ...
She trails off. She takes another awful swig.
PERF
Pale Mountain it is, then.
NARA
Its not far if we take the pass.
CARROW
If we leave now, we can be to the
foothills by nightfall.
NARA
Keen.
Carrow nods, heads off intently.
PERF
I... have something else-
NARA
In a bit, Perf. Thanks for that.
She tosses him his empty waterskin, strides after Carrow.
Perf watches her go. He pulls a well-crafted headband of
woven honeysuckle out of his robe.
PERF
(to himself)
For you. Because you lost yours in
the tomb. I made it. Mended it,
actually. Out of honeysuckle,
which you like. I couldnt find
any cats. Whats it for? Well,
its for you. It goes on your
head. Yes, but whats it for?
Whats your intent? To give you
flowers. Yes, but why? And I tell
you and you slap this back in my
hands and walk away.
114.
Perf SIGHS, allows himself a bittersweet smile. On cue:
SWORD
Its not actually possible to make
me vomit, but I swear youre
getting close.
Perf slides the gift back in his robe, undoes his belt.
SWORD
Seriously, you twinkle so loud its
a shock you dont sneeze rainbows.
Perf swings the sword belt and CRACKS the Sword against a
nearby rock. The Sword BELLOWS in angry pain.
SWORD
Oh, you wanna play rough?
Perf CRACKS the Sword into a tree. The Sword YELLS.
SWORD
Oh, Im gonna mince you like a
holiday dinner.
PERF
Im sorry, I couldnt hear that
over the sound of-
He CRACKS the Sword into the ground. Humming, Perf follows
Carrow and Nara, CRACKING the angry Sword this way and that.
INT. SWORD CHAMBER -- TEMPLE OF ALL DOOMS 91 91
The dark, featureless chamber where Perf drew the sword.
GLORION (O.S.)
Yes. Finally.
Glorion steps into frame, Roderick at his side.
GLORION
Through every trial and hardship,
through countless enemies, I have
endured! Now, to claim my --
He reaches the altar where the Sword lay -- the empty altar.
Stunned, Glorion grabs the empty stone hands and frisks them.
He looks around the altar, in case the sword fell there. He
finds nothing, of course, and straightens in horrified shock.
115.
GLORION
But... HOW?
Roderick frowns -- then blinks at something. He points.
Glorion looks where Roderick is pointing -- toward the scrap
of yellow fabric stuck between the fingers of a stone hand
... a scrap of Perfs unmistakable yellow robe. Glorion tugs
out the scrap, examines it with dawning comprehension.
GLORION
Perf...
CUT TO a Shawshank Redemption screaming-at-ceiling shot.
GLORION
PEEEEEEEEEEERF!
BLACKOUT.
116.

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