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‘Between Our Legs’

Flings and Fears

By Emma Sharn
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Preface

Human sexuality is a topic that makes most people squirm

with embarrassment. We cringe, and brush it under the
mattress as fast as we can, avoiding eye contact at all costs.
Television and radio programmes are censored, and books
have been banned. Religion also oppresses our sexuality.

We don’t want to think about our parents or siblings ‘doing it’,

and we don’t want our children to hear us in action. We hate
listening to our neighbours, rattling the bed against the wall
behind our heads at night. The only time we relax enough to
stop censoring the subject is when we are actually doing it!

These poems break free of the constraints of ‘society’, facing

up to the real ‘facts of life’. Without being purposely crude or
pornographic, they are an honest look at human sexuality.
Aimed at both men and women, they describe the situations
of many people. From one night stands to sexual infections,
these frank poems challenge common attitudes.
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Poem Page

Ups & Downs 4

Effective Contraceptive 5
Condoms 6
Family Planning Clinic 7
No Shame 8
Clinic 9, 10
Promiscuous 11
Two Minutes 12
The Big Secret 13
Humans Don’t Have Sex 14
Guilty 15
Animal Behaviour 16
Apologise 17
One Night Stand 18
Freedom Lesson 19
Arrogance 20
Pole Dancer 21,22, 23
Swap Genders 24,25

copyright@emmasharn2009
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Ups and Downs

Oh penis, won’t you face the wall, I can’t get you up at all,

you make me feel like a fool, when you shrink and won’t stand tall.

The mood has gone as you won’t perk, now you’re driving me berserk,

my partner’s trying not to laugh, she gave up, now she’s in the bath.

Fear explains the reason why, he will not point towards the sky,

look away and let him be, give him back his dignity.

Allow him to dangle free, he'll never be ashamed of me.

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Effective Contraceptive

The most effective contraceptive? It has to be the pill

Since I took it, I am really feeling very ill.
I am cross and grumpy and I am always being rude,
my breasts are sore and swollen, and I’m eating way more food.
As for sex, God help us I am never in the mood,
if that was their intention, then I think they should be sued.

What better contraceptive than the one that puts you off it?
Lately I feel much more like a sibling than a rabbit.
If this hell continues, he might have to join the priesthood,
but since we’re a couple, I don’t really think he should.
So easy for my doctor, as he tries to look concerned.
He finishes his work day with another lesson learned,
the contraceptive pill is on its way to being burned.
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Condoms

Condom, condom on the shelf,

we know you’re there to guard our health,
but we hesitate to ask,
embarrassment is hard to mask.
The fear goes round inside our head,
that you’ll imagine us in bed.
You care about preventing danger,
but to us you are a stranger,
and you know why we are queuing,
that’s the reason we are stewing.
When the ball is in your court,
you won’t give it a second thought.
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Family Planning Clinic

Vaginas, vaginas, from adults to minors,

all sizes and shapes welcome here,
from bedroom elation to this medication
say your prayers, don’t shed a tear.

Stress levels are rising, but it’s not surprising,

females rush in through the door,
‘Did I take enough? Am I up the duff?
my Dad says I act like a whore!’

They scream from the counter ‘Why did he mount her?

now we have to deal with the pain,
It’s too late for pills, since you had your thrills,
please say you won’t come back again!’
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No Shame
The reason is too obvious why we are coming here,
only we can know how much it took to face our fear.
We’re keeping it a secret, so we didn’t tell our mothers,
it doesn’t get much easier as we sit here with others.
This waiting room is swallowing up every part of me,
we avoid each other’s eyes in lack of privacy.
I hope that I don’t meet by chance, the people from my past,
if I get recognised here, I hope news won’t travel fast.

Its warm in here, the air is tense and fear is floating round,
I try not to think about what’s making my heart pound.
Out of boredom I am forced to stare at things around,
the only clue I have is when I listen to each sound.
As the nurse runs in and out, I wait to hear my number,
I become so tired I almost drift into a slumber.
It takes a lot of courage and I'm glad that I came here,
we can hope that others bring themselves to face their fear.
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Clinic

A genital wart, that’s an unpleasant thought

well it’s a lesson I got taught.
Went to the clinic, scared out of my mind
wondering what else they might find.
Behind the curtain, undressed from the waist,
I expect her to dish out some kind of paste.
Hoping that it will be painless and simple,
why are they fussing over a pimple?
“They spread like crazy” she says with a glare,
tells me that next time, I should take more care.
Leaning down over my legs with a smirk,
without people like me, she’d be out of work.

I stare at the ceiling, dreading each motion,

why must you burn me, ain’t there a lotion?
The red hot wire drives me berserk,
I’d rather let these pimples lurk.
This terrible pain is very unkind,
I’m being scraped at until I go blind.
I hope we don’t see you again, she says now
with a sarcastic smile, and a raised eyebrow.
Not likely you bitch, I think as I twitch,
unless I get crabs, and I start to itch.

She reminds me again, that I should beware

use condoms to avoid another scare.
It’s never that easy, when you are drunk,
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he hardly acted like he was a monk.
It was too dark to notice a mark
the condom got lost, as we rolled in the park.
I didn’t fancy retrieving it then,
I never thought of diseases from men.

Now she is telling me I can’t have any,

I have to abstain, the spots are too many.
I cannot shave, they’ll go on the razor,
my horrified face does nothing to faze her.
I look up for comfort, but she’s very smug,
she is the expert on every bug.
I won’t return here for this awful pain,
a disease is better than this shame.
It could’ve been worse, it could’ve been AIDS.
Compared to that terror, embarrassment fades.
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Promiscuous

Yes I slept around, and yes I was a ‘slut’

but it was my decision, to get stuck in a rut.

Now I feel defensive seeing someone from my past,

they know too much about me, so I feel the shame will last.

I see how they are clever, they won’t admit our fling,

they go home to their girlfriends, who don’t suspect a thing.

Hypocrisy, it makes me sick in such a tiny town,

if I had a dick then surely nobody would frown.

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Two Minutes

By using me for a two minute shag,

you made me feel like a dirty ole hag.
You spent as little as you could inside
you got on and off, like a fairground ride.
My complaint is really not about time
it’s not about having orgasms sublime.
It’s not that you’re premature, tired or weak
or not in the mood any day of the week.
It’s the lack of affection as you turn away
after using my body for your play.

The lack of eye contact, or even a smile

the way I am treated after is vile.
I get the feeling you don’t even like me
let alone love me, you just want to ‘bike’ me.
In future I think I shall just leave the room
so I can avoid the bang and boom.
Surely you’re better off with your hand,
you don’t have to lie to it, I understand
that I’m just a free shag and there was no price
except for my feelings, it just wasn’t nice.
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The Big Secret

Oh help, the kiddies want to know just how they came about.
This is a conversation we can really do without.
Now begins a lifetime of ridiculous denial,
we search for explanations that to us will not sound vile.
This dreadful dirty act that we keep doing with a smile?
The same thing we are scared of now, as if we are on trial?

Little do they know that this daft attitude won’t end.

When they're older it will be their turn to pretend,
that no one ever does it, and it must have been a dream,
and judging by the babies born, nobody is keen.
We find it harder to relate to kids that go to school,
we drift into a silence and we take them for a fool.
The facts will not disturb them, it is us who squirm in pain,
we try to keep them innocent, our efforts are in vain.
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Humans Don’t Have Sex

Miraculous Conception still goes on, as sex is wrong.

The ‘Sex’ word in our language is a swear word much too strong.
The page fell open and I found it in my dictionary,
so obscene, I really must report it to my T.D.
Apparently it happens, each and every day,
obviously a miracle, there is no other way.

This explains why humans didn’t die out long ago,

but sssh, this is a secret that no-one is meant to know.
It’s strange, I heard my neighbours, late at night, a grunt and moan.
I thought they were in agony, so I picked up the phone.
When Police came by and told me, that it was a false alarm,
I was so relieved to know, they had come to no harm.
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Guilty
Why has God given me use of my dick?
if it’s wrong to use it that seems like a trick!
I’m scared if I use it, that I’ll burn in hell
I’m keeping it secret so no-one can tell.
I’m still a virgin, from sex I refrain
all this pretending is really insane.
I go to my nightclub and bring a girl home,
I try my hardest to muffle her moan.

Religion and me would get into a fight

if they only knew what I did last night.
I hope they forgive me for sticking it in,
they won’t allow nature so I cannot win.
Normal sex has been turned into a crime
yet they shield their paedophiles every time.
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Animal Behaviour

How are we more advanced than the animals?

We shag, shit, piss and fight, at the end of a drunken night.

The male will steal the other man’s girl,

pretending he wasn’t, it makes your hair curl.

Some men are sneaky, perhaps he’s your friend,

they make you think there’s no need to defend,

so they can proceed to move in on the kill,

and as they do it, they smile at you still.

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Apologise

As women, we apologise for wanting to have sex

in case it makes you insecure and turns you into wrecks.
A horny girl’s libido, does it make you doubt your skill?
you’re finished in two minutes, you have need, but not the will.
If pregnant, we apologise for acting like we’re stupid
we should have took our daily pill, instead of pleasing Cupid.
We never say we’re horny but we fuck to serve your need,
we go without our pleasure ‘coz your ego needs a feed.

We must be a bunch of sluts to sleep with all these guys,

if it takes two to tango, this pretence is a surprise.
But women must play victim, feel ashamed to let you in,
unless of course we’re married, and then other games begin.
A little piece of paper seems to clean our slutty ways,
but that began when you first looked at us as easy lays.
And what if you refuse us, and abandon us with babies,
why should we be seen as dirty dogs who just caught rabies?
We’d love to rent your bollocks, for the power that they give,
our female sexuality means generations live.
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One Night Stand

You made the choice to take me home, and sleep with me tonight
neither of us stopping to consider if it’s right.
Casting all our doubts away, and getting rid of fears
I don’t know if later on it will end up in tears.
Living for the moment gives us both the fantasy,
of having a fantastic time, as we are feeling free.
We have the one off chance tonight, to make it really magic
I can’t believe that didn’t happen, I think that is tragic.

You just went through the motions, like your heart was never in it,
that was such a waste of time, you squandered every minute.
There was no-one watching you, no priest beside your bed
yet you’re behaving like someone who needs to be drip fed.
You seem weighed down with second thoughts, straight after the event,
it seems quite clear to me, there’s not one second that you meant.
There was not much point in this, you stole my dignity,
you showed your lack of confidence, it transferred onto me.
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Freedom Lesson

I don’t agree with censoring what people do in bed,

whatever rocks their boat, and makes them happier instead.
As long as it’s done willingly, and nothing’s ever forced,
keep them together longer, hope they never get divorced.
If you’re young and horny, and not ready yet for marriage
or if you don’t give a shit about a baby carriage,
bang away, enjoy it, and don’t fret about a thing,
There’s lots of time for misery, so have a lovely fling.
I never did regret anybody that I met,
even if it’s someone I would much rather forget.

I know they have helped me, in developing my mind,

they saved me from repeating my mistakes with humankind.
Along with any fun I had, with a strange new guy
came a callous attitude, which made me wonder why,
I seemed to lose a part of me each time I opened wide,
to let a total fuckhead in to rip me out inside.
Each guy that fell for me, was only there for lonely hours,
after every session, they lost interest in my powers.

It took away my self esteem each time I saw them run,

they couldn’t wait to get away, when their job was done.
A lot of them don’t have a heart, they do not give a shit
about how you felt afterwards, when they got down to ‘it’.
This is the reason I gave up, and left this game to others,
I got sick of searching souls, and trying to find lovers.
It wasn’t worth the ego boost, that was temporary,
I paid for every trip I had, and it made me wary.
I couldn’t carry on, as it was driving me insane,
to sleep around was not for me, I found nothing to gain.
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Arrogance
This arrogant stud came down with a thud,
when he tried dragging me into his mud.
He tried hard to maintain conversation,
his motive was purely for his own elation.
Hoping to get me into his bed later,
is he my friend, or his own masturbator?
He’s getting desperate and trying much harder,
treats me like food he takes out of his larder.
I’m wondering why he won’t hire a hooker,
oh yes, I forgot, he won’t pay for a looker.
Instead he will bother me when I am busy,
this Internet Café is making me queasy.

I’ve paid for an hour to use this computer,

I see him next to me, stare at his hooter.
Then I look back at my monitor screen,
my silence will show I’m not very keen.
After tonight he won’t be around,
a missed opportunity makes his heart pound.
I’m under great pressure to jump straight away,
he’s far too impatient to wait for a day.
We could meet again, but he’s shaking his head,
it’s now or never, come quick to my bed.

He’s barking his orders to let him have fun,

he gets more persistent when I give him none.
He hates a refusal, his face drops a mile,
he’s no longer pleasant, I’m not worth a smile.
He sits and complains that I wasted his time,
I hired a computer, so he wasted mine.
Trying his hardest to make me feel guilty,
he tells me that I screwed with his sanity.
If this is the way he gets when he’s refused,
I’m glad I didn’t let myself be used.
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Pole Dancer

I’ve never been a pole dancer before,

my god did I feel like a slutty ole whore.
I’ll move in ways that you’ll never forget
there’s nothing like metal to get me all wet.
No man can boast of an eight foot shhlong,
slide down my pole, you can’t go wrong.
There’s a requirement to get out my tits
by teasing you senseless, you’ll go into fits.
This club has plenty like me in stock,
would you like a lap dance? I’ll rub on your cock.
When you have come, and get all wet and sticky
am I paid extra for cleaning your mickey?
Here I go, waving my arse in your face
you breathe on my cheeks as I peel off the lace.
They called for the pole dance on stage that I missed,
while I was taking the cash from your fist.

When I go up there, I do it for free

dancing round poles is an advert you see.
The club’s way of forcing me to take chances
on getting the money from these private dances.
The bouncer is useless at the door
he’s paid to protect me, but what for?
He turns a blind eye to the ‘no touching’ rule,
this club is turning me into a fool.
Each girl has paid to get into this club
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she only makes money from giving a rub.
There is a pressure to do much more
which girl can be the dirtiest whore?
There’s no point in morals or not doing sin,
I’ll go home with no cash, so I cannot win.
No man will choose to pay me for nothing
if he can give my colleague a stuffing.

Fierce competition is making me poor

life is hard for a cash stricken whore.
Oh, give me that twenty, I owe this club more
I do the first dances for free, it’s a chore.
I cannot make money till their fee is paid,
by the end of my shift, I feel like an old maid.
Another girl came in, so we have to share
there is no privacy, she didn’t care.
She tried to outdo me by grabbing his dick
she’s down on her knees, doing her best trick.
If she’s more popular with all the men
they’ll give her money, time and again.
‘If I give you ten, will you strip off your knickers
and dance in my face, as my tongue flickers?
I promise I’m good, and surely you’ll come
if you prefer, I’ll do you up the bum’.
Do you have Vaseline? She’s got it there
no, she won’t lend it, she gives me a glare.
You ask if it counts as a sexual encounter,
if she bent over and he didn’t mount her.

Afterwards, one of our girls got attacked

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outside the club, protection she lacked.
A freelance dancer just isn’t covered
by club regulations, so she’s buggered.
They argued that ‘She’s not our employee’
yet each night she dances, mostly for free.
Paying a high price in more ways than one
she was in debt to them, and couldn’t run.
The underworld has fingers in many pies,
trafficking and drugs, they’re under disguise.
A club has a license, the same as a shop
what happens inside, makes your eyes pop.

So now they are pushing to change the name

to a ‘sexual encounter’ place, it’s not a game.
It was far too easy to open up clubs
as if it were just like our local pubs.
How are they different to many street pimps?
Except they pay taxes, and don’t give us limps.
Of course, they don’t have to, they know where we live
we have to continue, more dances we’ll give.
A front for a brothel is more like the truth
if you knew everything, you’d hit the roof.
Who are you kidding, I’m not into you
what am I putting myself through?
The power of money is really a curse
made into a prostitute, filling my purse.
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Swap Genders
What would it be like, if we could swap genders?
Women would spend their time fixing car fenders.
The men could be experts on using our blenders,
if they cannot use them, they’d be great pretenders.
They’d stay in the kitchen and never come out,
find out what slavery’s really about.
The time of the month, twelve times a year,
push in that tampon, there’s nothing to fear.
Writhing in pain and shedding a tear,
if you need help, I’m not coming near.
Your period pain is really a curse,
are you feeling miserable? It’ll get worse.

Put on these high heels, for a night out,

the blisters they give you, are making you shout.
Oops, you fell over, oh sorry, it’s funny!
You’re hopping along, now you look like a bunny.
You don’t want to touch me, since we went to bed.
You think that you’re still a man, in your head,
now you feel horrified touching my parts.
Can you smell the sheets? They’re full of my farts!

Oh bend over baby, I’ll go from behind,

you can swallow my sperm, if you feel inclined.
Where has your clitoris gone, is it there?
I couldn’t find it, gave up in despair.
I know you’re still horny, but I do not care,
get used to it honey, life isn’t fair.
When I’m finished early, I cannot rewind it,
after a while, you won’t even mind it.
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Being a man is no fun either,
I cannot work a machine or a lever.
Women ignore me, my charms never work,
I’ve no-one to talk to, it drives me berserk.
The men I am here with, are stupid and boring,
their dull conversation has me snoring.
When I tried shaving, I cut all my face,
all day long I felt like a disgrace.
I think I’ll give up, and start growing a beard,
the rest of me seems to be hairy and weird.

I’m having a really uncomfortable day,

when I sit down, my balls get in the way.
It’s weird how it dangles, I’m not used to that.
I think I prefer having my pussy cat.
I went for a pee and it went over me,
I kept forgetting to hold it you see.
I shared a urinal with two other guys,
you should have seen their face of surprise.
I heard them snigger as they walked away,
next time a cubicle might save the day.

How does it work, when I sit down to poo?

I never thought about this part of you.
It’s swinging and touching the side of the bowl,
this is so awkward, I won’t tell a soul.
Okay, I am ready to switch back our genders,
it’s no longer fun being each others’ lenders.
I think I appreciate being myself,
playing this game is no good for my health.
Oh no, I’m the only one wanting to switch,
please give me back, you crafty ole bitch!
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Author’s Biography

Emma Sharn is 31, and of Romanian, Hungarian and German descent.

Born in London, she moved to Ireland in 2003, where she wrote over a
hundred poems. She compiled this book of poems from personal
experiences. After realising how much human sexuality is censored, her
satisfaction comes from people reading them, and being able to relate to
the subject. She hopes that people will get a sense of ‘Oh, I’m not the only
one this happened to!’ and feel reassured. Whether you are old or young,
male or female, you are sure to enjoy these comically written poems.

Emma Sharn