How to Make Yourself Do it When You Just Don't Want to

Three strategies to help you stop putting things off.

Published on February 24, 2014 by Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.D. in The Science of Success

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Theres that project youve left on the backburner the one with the deadline thats growing
uncomfortably near. And theres the client whose phone call you really should return the one that
does nothing but complain and eat up your valuable time. Wait, werent you going to try to go to the
gym more often this year?
Can you imagine how much less guilt, stress, and frustration you would feel if you could somehow
just make yourself do the things you dont want to do when you are actually supposed to do them?
Not to mention how much happier and more effective you would be?
The good news (and it's very good news) is that you can get better about not putting things off, if you
use the right strategy. Figuring out which strategy to use depends on why you are procrastinating in
the first place:
Reason #1 You are putting something off because you are afraid you will screw it up.
Solution: Adopt a prevention focus.
There are two ways to look at any task. You can do something because you see it as a way to end
up better off than you are now as an achievement or accomplishment. As in, if I complete this
project successfully I will impress my boss, or if I work out regularly I will look amazing.
Psychologists call this a promotion focus and research shows that when you have one, you are
motivated by the thought of making gains, and work best when you feel eager and optimistic.
Sounds good, doesnt it? Well, if you are afraid you will screw up on the task in question, this
is not the focus for you. Anxiety and doubt undermine promotion motivation, leaving you less likely to
take any action at all.
What you need is a way of looking at what you need to do that isnt undermined by doubt ideally,
one that thrives on it. When you have a prevention focus, instead of thinking about how you can
end up better off, you see the task as a way to hang on to what youve already got to avoid loss.
For the prevention-focused, successfully completing a project is a way to keep your boss from being
angry or thinking less of you. Working out regularly is a way to not let yourself go. Decades of
research, which I describe in my book Focus, shows that preventionmotivation is actually enhanced
by anxiety about what might go wrong. When you are focused on avoiding loss, it becomes clear
that the only way to get out of danger is to take immediate action. The more worried you are, the
faster you are out of the gate.

I know this doesnt sound like a barrel of laughs, particularly if you are usually more the promotionminded type, but there is probably no better way to get over your anxiety about screwing up than to
give some serious thought to all the dire consequences of doing nothing at all. Go on, scare the
pants off yourself. It feels awful, but it works.
Reason #2

You are putting something off because you dont feel like doing it.

Solution: Make like Spock and ignore your feelings. Theyre getting in your way.
In his excellent book The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Cant Stand Positive Thinking, Oliver
Burkeman points out that much of the time, when we say things like I just cant get out of bed early
in the morning or I just cant get myself to exercise, what we really mean is that we cant get
ourselves to feel like doing these things. After all, no one is tying you to your bed every morning.
Intimidating bouncers arent blocking the entrance to your gym. Physically, nothing is stopping you
you just dont feel like it. But as Burkeman asks, Who says you need to wait until you feel like
doing something in order to start doing it?
Think about that for a minute, because its really important. Somewhere along the way, weve all
bought into the idea without consciously realizing it that to be motivated and effective we need
to feel like we want to take action. We need to be eager to do so. I really dont know why we believe
this, because it is 100 percent nonsense. Yes, on some level you need to be committed to what you
are doing you need to want to see the project finished, or get healthier, or get an earlier start to
your day. But you dont need to feel like doing it.
In fact, as Burkeman points out, many of the most prolific artists, writers, and innovators have
become so in part because of their reliance on work routines that forced them to put in a certain
number of hours a day, no matter how uninspired (or, in many instances, hungover) they might have
felt. Burkeman reminds us of renowned artist Chuck Closes observation that Inspiration is for
amateurs. The rest of us just show up and get to work.
So if you are sitting there, putting something off because you dont feel like it, remember that you
dont actually need to feel like it. There is nothing stopping you.
Reason #3 You are putting something off because its hard, boring, or otherwise unpleasant.
Solution: Use if-then planning.
Too often, we try to solve this particular problem with sheer will: Next time, I will make myself start
working on this sooner. Of course, if we actually had the willpower to do that, we would never put it
off in the first place. Studies show that people routinely overestimate their capacity for self-control,
and rely on it too often to keep them out of hot water.

Do yourself a favor, and embrace the fact that your willpower is limited, and that it may not always
be up to the challenge of getting you to do things you find difficult, tedious, or otherwise awful.
Instead, use if-then planning to get the job done.
Making an if-then plan is more than just deciding what specific steps you need to take to complete a
project its also deciding where and when you will take them.
If it is 2 p.m., then I will stop what Im doing and start work on the report Bob asked for.
If my boss doesnt mention my request for a raise at our meeting, then I will bring it up again before
the meeting ends.
By deciding in advance exactly what youre going to do, and when and where youre going to do it,
theres no deliberating when the time comes. No do I really have to do this now?, or can this wait till
later? or maybe I should do something else instead. Its when we deliberate that willpower becomes
necessary to make the tough choice. But if-then plans dramatically reduce the demands placed on
your willpower, by ensuring that youve made the right decision way ahead of the critical moment. In
fact, if-then planning has been shown in over 200 studies to increase rates of goal attainment
and productivity by 200-300 percent on average.
I realize that the three strategies Im offering you thinking about the consequences of failure,
ignoring your feelings, and engaging in detailed planning dont sound as fun as advice like Follow
your passion! or Stay positive! But they have the decided advantage of actually being effective
which, as it happens, is exactly what youll be if you use them.
There are a lot of relaxation techniques out there that we can all learn and practice. However, I have
found that many of my clients (and myself) struggle with the way these are presented, and they also
have problems motivating themselves to use them. In response to that, I researched the types of
relaxation techniques that have the most research support, and I developed a five-step sequence
that anyone can do to feel more relaxed in minutes, minus the new-age vibes.
Stress, Emotions, & The Brain
We usually need to relax when we are feeling tense, anxious, or angry. Part of these feelings are
due to an activation of something called the sympathetic nervous system, which includes parts of
your brain that detect and respond to threats and stress. Without getting too deep into the
physiology, when you are tense, anxious, or angry, your sympathetic nervous system is activated,
and your heart rate increases, your breathing becomes rapid and shallow, your blood
pressure increases, your digestion stops, your muscles tense, your circulation changes,
stress hormones (cortisol and adrenaline, among others) are released in your blood stream, and
your thoughts speed up and focus on a target (read more about that in Three Frames of Mind).
When this is happening, our bodies feel unpleasant and we look for ways to feel better.
For almost everyone, after some period of time, our parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) kicks in,
which brings all of these physiological changes back down to normal. Your heart rate returns to

baseline, your blood pressure lowers, digestion starts again, the stress hormones are metabolized,
your breathing slows and deepens, and your muscles relax. When this completes, you are back to a
pleasant, slower, and more in-control state.

How to Relax
The following relaxation process is all about taking steps to change your physiology when you are
tense, anxious, or angry. This is basically done by shifting attention and taking control of breathing
as a way to jump-start the parasympathetic nervous system. There is no magic, just basic steps
(some that you already do) that should result in you feeling more relaxed, quickly. I encourage you to
practice doing the full sequence at least once a day for two weeks during times of lower tension
before you start using it in more urgent situations. Additionally, there is no set amount of time that
this takes. It could last as little as a minute or two, or go on as long as you like.
The Process
So when you are feeling activated, stop what you are doing, and follow these 5-steps:
1. Orienting: the first step is intentionally orienting yourself to your surroundings. This means
visually and mentally recognizing where you are right now and what is around you. If I did this right
now, I'd look around the room and recognize that I am in my office, at 4:05 p.m., with the sun
shining.
This step may seem silly or obvious, but when we are anxious, tense, or angry, we are almost never
paying attention to our immediate surroundings. Instead, we are usually consumed with our thoughts
or feelings related to things that are not present where we are. Orienting allows us to start relaxing
by recognizing our immediate surroundings, which are hopefully calm, stable, and safe.
2. Grounding: the second step helps shift your attention to how you are connected to
yourenvironment. Since relaxation is a physiological process, it is important to direct your attention to
your senses. So for this step, intentionally notice ways you are connected to your surroundings. For
me right now, that would mean I intentionally notice my feet on the floor, my back against the chair,
and how my sweater feels on my arms.
3. Slowing: this third step will now bring your attention to what is happening inside you, particularly
your breathing and heart rate. Although there are a lot of ways we can learn to change the way our
body responds in any given moment, the easiest is to control our breathing. There are dozens of
breathing techniques, but the one I have found to be the easiest to use is called "4-7-8 Breathing". It
works like this:
Sit comfortably in a chair with your feet on the floor, and close your eyes. Once you are settled and
notice your breathing, inhale through your nose for a count of 4, hold it for a count of 7, exhale
through your mouth for a count of 8, and repeat. The pace doesn't matter, it should just be

something that feels good to you. The key is having the exhale really stretch out much longer than
the inhaling. Try and make the exhale smooth and have almost all of the air leave your body. Do it
with the counting as long as you need to get the pace down before going to the next step. For me
this takes a couple minutes.
While doing this, you should really start to notice some changes in how you are feeling, most
obviously a slowing heart rate. That is your parasympathetic nervous system going into action.
An advanced technique would be to try using your diaphragm to control your breathing, so that your
stomach is expanding more than your chest. This mirrors the way you breathe when you are in
deepsleep. Additionally, if 4-7-8 is not feeling right for you, try starting with 4-4-6.
4. Coaching: once you have the breathing pace down, keep doing it while you move to this step.
The key here is giving yourself positive, reassuring, and calm messages, rather than continuing with
the tense, anxious, and angry thoughts. When I do this, I think things like "I can get through this. It
will be OK. I can handle whatever happens. I am going to calmly do my best." Everyone will have a
different way of doing this, and some people like to imagine this in the voice of someone they care
about, or with the image of that person telling them those things. Keep doing this along with the
breathing until you feel sufficiently ready to reconnect with what you were doing.
5. Emerging: the key in this final step is calmly reentering the world. Rather than just stopping this
process and jumping back in, focus on going back to what you need to do with the same peace you
might have when you wake up from a nice sleep. Just gently getting back into the flow of your day.
This should keep your mind and body both staying in a more relaxed and positive state.
Conclusion
Once you get the sequence down, I'd encourage you to innovate and find little tricks that will
specifically make this more powerful for you. Remember to practice this everyday, especially during
times of lower stress, because the effect is cumulative. Meaning, the 20th time you do this should
have a faster and greater impact than the first. If it doesn't work right away, stay with it and keep
going, and make sure you are following all of the steps. Furthermore, if this process isn't preferred
for you, try doing the 5-step Processing Emotions as an alternative.