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Tootsie

by Don McGuire,
Larry Gelbart,
Murray Schisgal
& Elaine May

MICHAEL DORSEY

Dustin Hoffman

DOROTHY MICHAELS

Dustin Hoffman

JULIE NICHOLS

Jessica Lange

SANDY LESTER

Teri Garr

RON CARLISLE

Dabney Coleman

LES NICHOLS

Charles Durning

JEFF SLATER

Bill Murray

GEORGE FIELDS

Sydney Pollack

JOHN VAN HORN

George Gaynes

APRIL PAGE

Geena Davis

RITA MARSHALL

Doris Belack

DIRECTOR

Sydney Pollack

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

1.

INT. ACTING CLASSROOM

Tootsie
by Don McGuire, Larry Gelbart,
Murray Schisgal & Elaine May

TWO ACTORS sit across a small table, doing


a mirror exercise. Michael coaches them.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Not so fast, not so fast. Slower. Slower.
Good, good. Keep it specific. Still a little
tension in the mouth, Mack. Good, good.
Okay, make her work peripherally.

FADE IN:
ACTOR'S CHARACTER BOX
A monocle, different pairs of eyeglasses,
rubber appliances, various makeups, a
collection of dental applications, an
assortment of brushes. A hand comes into
frame and removes a small bottle of spirit
gum. The other hand applies the spirit gum
to an upper lip.

ACTOR'S CHARACTER BOX


More spirit gum. The hands are painting a
scar on Michael's face. The hands then
search out the dental appliances and pick
one. We study the movement as the
appliance is inserted into the actor's mouth.

INT. A BARE STAGE


INT. ACTING CLASSROOM
Make-shift, like most acting classrooms.
Filled with aspiring actors immersed in
acting exercises. They are led by MICHAEL
DORSEY, 40, intense, focused. A 35ish
actress, SANDY LESTER stands in front of
the class making strange noises.
MICHAEL DORSEY
That's right. Come on. No, don't stop. Keep
looking! You don't feel so good now, do you?
See, you let it out. Out! I'm an idiot...I feel
like an idiot.

ACTOR'S CHARACTER BOX


Now the hands apply spirit gum to a false
mustache. The hands place the mustache
upon the actor's lip...but when the actor
smiles, the mustache pops off.

We're looking out toward the auditorium. It


is dark. Michael is dressed in a suit, the
mustache still glued to his lip.
VOICE FROM AUDITORIUM
Michael...Dorsey, is it?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Yes, that's right.
VOICE FROM AUDITORIUM
Mr. Dorsey, would you turn to page twentythree please?
Michael pages through the script.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Yes, I believe you mean the first scene...
Sorry, the second scene of the first act.
VOICE FROM AUDITORIUM
Second scene of the first act. That's right.
Take your time. Begin when you're ready.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Yes, of course. [reading] Oh, sweetheart, do
you know what it was like waking up in

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

Paris...seeing the empty pillow where... Wait!


Cover your breasts. Kevin is downstairs! My
God, what are you?
Michael is reading with a BURLY MALE
STAGE MANAGER, chewing gum in mouth,
emotionless.
STAGE MANAGER
I'm a woman. Not Felicia's mother. Not
Kevin's wife.
VOICE FROM AUDITORIUM
Thanks very much, Mr. Dorsey. We need
someone a little older.

INT. ANOTHER BARE STAGE


Michael is dressed in cut-offs, T-shirt, ball
cap and sneakers. He holds a baseball mit.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Mom! Dad! Uncle Pete, come quick!
Something's wrong with Biscuit! I think he's
dead!
VOICE FROM AUDITORIUM
We're looking for someone a little younger.

2.

In reflex, Michael immediately pulls his


shoes off.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Look. I don't have to be this tall. See, I'm
wearing lifts. I can be shorter.
VOICE FROM AUDITORIUM
I know, but really we're looking for somebody
different.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I can be different.
VOICE FROM AUDITORIUM
We're looking for somebody else. Okay?

INT. ACTING CLASSROOM


The students are hanging on Michael's every
word.
MICHAEL DORSEY
What do you care more about than working?
YOUNG ACTRESS
The part's the most important thing...but
love sometimes is too.
LATER: Michael is still lecturing.

INT. ANOTHER BARE STAGE


Some painted scenery, a ladder and trunk.
Michael reads from another script.
MICHAEL DORSEY
"They have dinner--" Can I start again? I
didn't get kicked off right.
VOICE FROM AUDITORIUM
The reading was fine...the reading was fine...
You're just the wrong height.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I can be taller.
VOICE FROM AUDITORIUM
No. You don't understand. We're looking for
somebody shorter.

MICHAEL DORSEY
This is improvisation, you're the writer.
You're the playwright. When somebody
writes a play, they decide where the highs
are, where the lows are. Right? Now you do
it. And you may not be high where they're
high in the writing. You may not be low
where they're low in the writing. You may be
high on "but." You may be high on "and."

INT. ANOTHER BARE STAGE


A ghost light, ladders and a stool. Michael
stands in a suit, reading from a script. Low
voices can be heard underneath his audition.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

MICHAEL DORSEY
Of course, they were doing it for dough...they
were doing it for dough the same as
everybody does it for dough. But the
question is in the last analysis. What were
they doing for dough? You and me for dough
we were advancing our little non-Prussian
careers. So when all hell broke loose, and the
Germans started running out of soap...and
figured, "What the hell? We might as well
cook up Mrs. Greenwald!"...who the hell do
you think stopped them? [annoyed; looking
up from the script] Pardon me, is my acting
interfering with your talking?

3.

ACTOR 3
In the name of the Father, the Son and the
Holy Ghost...I commit your soul to God.
MICHAEL DORSEY
[as tolstoy] My friends
The voice of an ENGLISH DIRECTOR stops
the rehearsal.
ENGLISH DIRECTOR
That's super, Michael. But i wonder if you
could move center stage on that last speech,
and then die.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Why?

INT. ACTING CLASSROOM


The students are still rapt.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Don't play a part that's not in you. Don't say
"he" or "she"... [to Sandy] ...like you did last
week when you were doing Kitty. Right?
When you were doing Time of Your Life. If
you can't make the part yourself, then you
can't play it.

INT. ANOTHER STAGE


A rehearsal. Michael, as Leo Tolstoy, is
collapsed in a chair far to one side of a stage.
He is surrounded by THREE ACTORS,
rehearsing.

ENGLISH DIRECTOR
The left side of the house can't see you at all.
MICHAEL DORSEY
You want me to stand up and walk to the
center of the stage...while I'm dying?
The English Director appears from the
house.
ENGLISH DIRECTOR
Well, I know it's awkward, but we'll just have
to do it.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Why?
ENGLISH DIRECTOR
I just told you. Now do it!

ACTOR 1
Sasha. Quick! Get a priest!

MICHAEL DORSEY
Because you say so?

MICHAEL DORSEY
[as Tolstoy] No, Sasha, no priest.

ENGLISH DIRECTOR
Yes, love.

ACTOR 2
But you're dying, Count Tolstoy.

MICHAEL DORSEY
Not with me as Tolstoy.

MICHAEL DORSEY
[as Tolstoy] I know.

Michael defiantly tosses his cane and script


to the ground and stalks off.

ACTOR 3 kneels to deliver the last rites.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

INT. ACTING CLASSROOM


Michael is still preaching.
MICHAEL DORSEY
You gotta work. You gotta work. There's no
excuse for not working. There's no excuse.
There's unemployment. There was
unemployment when I started acting. There
was unemployment when all my friends
started acting. And it's not changed...

EXT. RESTAURANT
On a busy New York street.
MICHAEL DORSEY [V.O.]
...you got ninety--ninety-five percent
unemployment. Right? It's never going to
change. You're an actor...

INT. RESTAURANT
Trendy. Crowded.
MICHAEL DORSEY [V.O.]
...you're in New York City. There is no work.
But you gotta find ways to work.

4.

COOK
What's the veggie on that?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Baked potato.
JEFF SLATER
How'd it go today?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Terrible. Did you rewrite the last scene?
JEFF SLATER
I did the necktie scene.
MICHAEL DORSEY
How is it?
JEFF SLATER
I'm very excited. I think it's gonna change
theatre as we know it.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I hope so. We'll work on it when we get home
tonight.
As Michael hustles off, a WAITRESS hustles
in, confronting Jeff.
WAITRESS
That's my flounder.
JEFF SLATER
No, no. That is my flounder.

INT. RESTAURANT KITCHEN


Busy, noisy. Would-be actors are waiters and
waitresses; blue shirts, ties and aprons.
JEFF SLATER, Michael's roommate, stands
at a food station eating off a customer's
plate.
WAITER
Two tortellinis, a gazpacho with two salads.
Michael appears, placing an order.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Ordering: Veal chop, medium, two scrods,
an order of chicken! Give me one of those
scrods underdone, please.

WAITRESS
Robber! [annoyed; grabbing plates and
moving off] Ordering: One flounder...
The Cook is also confronting Jeff as he
continues to steal bites of food.
COOK
That's for the customer!
JEFF SLATER
I eat these things so if the customers ask if I
eat his food...I can say, "Yeah, I eat his food."

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

EXT. SIDE STREET

JEFF SLATER
That's good. That's very good.

It is late. Michael & Jeff are walking home


from work.

MICHAEL DORSEY
How does one not be depressed?

MICHAEL DORSEY
You rewrote the necktie scene, right?

They enter a tenement building.

JEFF SLATER
Yeah.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Good, good, good... Without the necktie?
JEFF SLATER
With the necktie.
MICHAEL DORSEY
With the necktie?
JEFF SLATER
Yeah, with the necktie.
MICHAEL DORSEY
With the necktie?! The necktie's what's
wrong with your play. You take the necktie
out, you got something.
JEFF SLATER
What's wrong with you?
MICHAEL DORSEY
What's wrong with me? I'll tell you what's
wrong with me. What's wrong with me is it's
very depressing to be disagreed with.
JEFF SLATER
Ah! Depression. Today's your birthday,
Michael, and you haven't mentioned it all
day...
MICHAEL DORSEY
Don't start in with that.
JEFF SLATER
...you're forty years old...
MICHAEL DORSEY
I'm a character actor. Age has no effect on
me.

5.

INT. TENEMENT STAIRWAY


Michael & Jeff are climbing the stairs.
JEFF SLATER
Instead of trying to be Michael Dorsey, the
great actor...or Michael Dorsey, the great
waiter...why not just try to be Michael
Dorsey?
MICHAEL DORSEY
I am Michael Dorsey. I am Michael Dorsey. I
don't know what the payoff is?
JEFF SLATER
Say it like you mean it.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I am Michael Dorsey. Fine. Okay?
They enter a loft apartment.

INT. MICHAEL & JEFF'S LOFT


It is dark. As Michael steps in and turns on
the light, thirty voices scream "Surprise!"
Michael is stunned for a moment, then glares
at Jeff, who shrugs good-naturedly.
VOICE
Speech! Speech! Speech!
MIDDLE-AGED ACTOR
Wait, wait, wait, wait! Wait a minute. First a
toast. To Michael Dorsey, who, like it or not,
makes you remember what acting's all about!
VOICE
Being unemployed!

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

SANDY LESTER
To Michael...who's been my friend for...six
years. Was it that long? And who is my
coach. And he's just great. He's a great
coach, a great actor. He's a great guy
and...this is a really dumb speech. Let's get
drunk. Happy birthday!
They all sing Happy Birthday, as a large cake
is brought forward.
LATER: Michael approaches a woman
named PATTY, sitting alone.
MICHAEL DORSEY
How you doing? Michael.
PATTY
Patty.
MICHAEL DORSEY
You an actress? Terrific face.
PATTY
No.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Nice blouse. Who'd you come with?
AT THE TABLE: Jeff is surrounded by his
girlfriend DIANE, and a handful of others.
JEFF SLATER
I don't want a full house at the Winter
Garden Theatre. I want ninety people who
just came out of the worst rainstorm in the
city's history. These are people who are alive
on the planet...until they dry off. I wish I had
a theatre that was only open when it rained.
AT THE SOFA: Michael holds court with
Sandy and others.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Strasberg said you create your opportunities,
and he's right.
SANDY LESTER
Uta said that.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I don't care who said it. The point is, Sandy

6.

and I are raising eight thousand dollars to do


Jeff's play up in Syracuse. As soon as we
raise the money we're going to do it. You
could do the same thing, it's a great country.
A FATHER approaches with an adorable
baby strapped to his chest. Everyone gathers
around...
SANDY LESTER
[taking baby] Look at Emily! Look who's here.
...except Michael, who is still on his rant.
MICHAEL DORSEY
You can do it in the Poconos. You're sitting
around saying, "I can't work." Create your
own...
SANDY LESTER
Michael...Michael... Michael!
MICHAEL DORSEY
What?
SANDY LESTER
Isn't she cute?
MICHAEL DORSEY
[barely a glance] Yeah.
SANDY LESTER
He loves children. He really does.
MICHAEL DORSEY
You make it! You find a way to raise it...
Before ending one conversation, Michael is
into another one, having spied LINDA across
the room.
MICHAEL DORSEY [contd]
[to Linda] I was looking at you. Terrific face.
Are you an actress?
LINDA
Sometimes.
MICHAEL DORSEY
You were in Dames At Sea!

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

LINDA
You saw that?

AT THE TABLE: Jeff is still holding court,


although his audience has dwindled.

MICHAEL DORSEY
Good work. Really! You have a great singing
voice.

JEFF SLATER
I don't like it when people come up to me
after my plays and say..."I really dug your
message, man." Or, "I really dug your play,
man. I cried." You know? I like it when
people come up to me the next day...or a
week later and they say... "I saw your play.
What happened?"

LINDA
Thank you.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I felt like there was an aura between us when
I saw it. I'm not kidding. I don't know you,
but I know you. I'll bet I can tell you
something that you don't know about
yourself.
LINDA
What's that...what's that?
MICHAEL DORSEY
I'll bet you like to run barefoot on the beach.
LINDA
Michael, why are you so wired?
MICHAEL DORSEY
It's my birthday. I haven't worked in two
years.
LINDA
That's it? Nothing more?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Yeah, it hurts me. Why don't you be the last
one to take your coat off my bed tonight.
We'll talk.

A CORNER: Michael has been cornered by


another woman, ANN.
ANN
Look, I've got everything under control. I'll
jump in a cab feed my cats because I forgot
to feed them and be back in an hour.
MICHAEL DORSEY
You don't understand, I can't make it
tonight--my roommate is upset, we gotta
work on the third act.
ANN
What do you mean, you can't make it?
MICHAEL DORSEY
He wants to work. Give me your phone
number and I'll call you next week.
ANN
I already gave you my phone number.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I thought you changed it.

LINDA
Fine. All right.

ANN
Since an hour ago?

MICHAEL DORSEY
Will you? Serious?

MICHAEL DORSEY
Oh...no, you didn't. That's a good point. Let
me talk to him, he's upset. I'll call you. I
promise...

LINDA
Give me a hug.
They hug.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Thank you for liking me.

7.

AT THE BATHROOM: Sandy stumbles from


the bathroom frazzled, holding a plunger. A
MAN HOLDING A BEER is waiting patiently.
SANDY LESTER
Didn't anybody hear me?

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

8.

MAN HOLDING BEER


Guess not.

even dream in their own country anymore.


And that's sick.

SANDY LESTER
I've been trapped in that bathroom for half
an hour. What kind of a party is this?
[looking around] God, you guys are having a
good time, huh?

LATER: Michael and Jeff.

MAN HOLDING BEER


Mmm-hmm.

JEFF SLATER
Well, it was late, and I wanted it to be a
surprise. I invited ten people. They all invited
ten people. You met about forty new people
tonight and I think they all liked you. I heard
nice things about you. You've got new
friends...

SANDY LESTER
Sorry... I'll have to remember that if I ever do
a scene where I'm trapped some place. You
know?
MAN HOLDING BEER
Yeah.
AT THE PIANO: A Middle-aged woman
named ROZ listens to Michael playing the
piano.
ROZ
That's nice, Michael.
But Michael's attention is on a much
younger, more desirable female.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Thanks. Who is that?
ROZ
It's Mallory. She's married to John.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Oh, yeah.
AT THE TABLE: Jeff holds court only for
his girlfriend DIANE. The others have
dwindled away.
JEFF SLATER
I did a thing about suicides of the American
Indian. And nobody cared--nobody showed.
And I think the American Indian is as
American... as John and Ethel
Barrymore...and Donny and Marie Osmond. I
think it's really sad but I think that,
nowadays, when people dream they don't

MICHAEL DORSEY
I had a good time. I just didn't know half the
people.

Sam passes on his way to the door.


SAM
Thanks, Jeff.
JEFF SLATER
Good night, Sam.
SAM
Happy birthday, Michael.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Thank you, Sam. You're one of the five
people I knew.
SAM
Great party.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Thank you.
As Michael watches Sam leave, he makes eye
contact with Linda, who is being ushered out
the door by another man.
JEFF SLATER
[teasing Michael] Excuse me, Miss Right?
Miss Right?
Michael is solemn as Sandy wanders over,
already in her coat.
SANDY LESTER
Good night, Michael. It was a wonderful

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

party. My date left with someone else. I had a


lot of fun. Do you have any Seconal?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Come on, I'll take you home.

EXT. MICHAEL & JEFF'S BUILDING


Sandy & Michael come out into the street.
SANDY LESTER
I did have a good time. I really did, Michael...
MICHAEL DORSEY
No, you didn't. Wait. We didn't bring enough
money for cab fare.

SANDY LESTER
No, I'm not worried about that audition
tomorrow...
MICHAEL DORSEY
Why?
SANDY LESTER
Because I'm not going to get it.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Why not?
SANDY LESTER
Because I'm completely wrong for it.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Why? What kind of a part is it?

SANDY LESTER
That's okay. It's cheaper to get mugged. Let's
walk. The fares are really insane now
anyway.

SANDY LESTER
A woman!

MICHAEL DORSEY
Why didn't you have a good time?

INT. SANDY'S APARTMENT

SANDY LESTER
I did have a good time.
MICHAEL DORSEY
What's wrong?
SANDY LESTER
Nothing's wrong.
MICHAEL DORSEY
What? What?
SANDY LESTER
Nothing... I'm... Nothing! I'm perfectly fine. I
just cry like this, like a tic.

9.

Michael sits on the couch, feet up on the


coffee table, holding an open script. Sandy
stands before him, wearing prop glasses,
groping at a character.
MICHAEL DORSEY
[reading] "You don't have a man, so you
wanna act like one."
SANDY LESTER
[as Emily Kimberly] "You're wrong, Dr.
Brewster. I'm very proud of being a woman."

MICHAEL DORSEY
Will you tell me what's wrong, or I'll kill you.

MICHAEL DORSEY
All right, Sandy, wait a minute. This guy
treats you like dirt... because you're a
woman and he's a big doctor, right? But
don't take that. You can talk to him on his
level.

SANDY LESTER
Nothing's wrong, Michael. I'm really very up.

SANDY LESTER
Show me what you mean.

MICHAEL DORSEY
You're worried about your audition
tomorrow, aren't you?.

MICHAEL DORSEY
[reading] "You're wrong, Dr..." [to Sandy]
What are you doing a Southern accent?

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

[reading; with accent] "You're wrong, Dr.


Brewster. I'm very proud of being a woman!"
SANDY LESTER
See, I can't do it as good as you.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Yes, you can! Just turn the... [glancing at
watch] ...tables on him. Come on, now, will
you?
SANDY LESTER
[as Emily Kimberly] "You're wrong. I'm proud
of being a woman..." [back to being Sandy]
Where am I off?
MICHAEL DORSEY
I don't know what you're playing.
SANDY LESTER
I'm playing rage. I'm enraged. You told me to
turn the tables on him...and I'm playing
rage...
MICHAEL DORSEY
This is rage?
SANDY LESTER
I have a problem with anger.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Yeah, you certainly do. But I'll tell you
something, there's a hundred other actresses
reading for this part who don't have a
problem with anger, who aren't afraid of
working. Who aren't afraid to stick
everything out on the line and do it!

SANDY LESTER
[as Emily Kimberly] "You're wrong, Dr.
Brewster. I am..."
MICHAEL DORSEY
Go on.
SANDY LESTER
[as Emily Kimberly] "You're wrong, Dr.
Brewster..."
MICHAEL DORSEY
What do I do, hit you with a stick?
SANDY LESTER
[as Emily Kimberly] "You're wrong. I am very
proud to be a woman. And I'm proud of this
hospital. And before I see it destroyed by
your petty tyrannies..."
MICHAEL DORSEY
Have the anger...don't show it to me.
SANDY LESTER
[as Emily Kimberly] "...I'll recommend to the
board that you be thrown out into the
street."
MICHAEL DORSEY
Don't lose it.
SANDY LESTER
[as Emily Kimberly] "Good day, Dr.
Brewster."
MICHAEL DORSEY
Don't whine like you're second-rate actress...

SANDY LESTER
Don't get mad at me!

SANDY LESTER
[as Emily Kimberly] "I said good day!"

MICHAEL DORSEY
Well, stop being a doormat then!

A moment.

SANDY LESTER
I'm not a doormat!
MICHAEL DORSEY
Act right now! Do it!

10.

MICHAEL DORSEY
...Not bad...pretty good...
SANDY LESTER
Did you feel how much I hated you?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Yeah.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

Michael is up, putting his coat on.


SANDY LESTER
Did you really? You felt it?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Yeah, that's why I'm going.
SANDY LESTER
Where are you going? How can I get it back
tomorrow? How am I gonna get a total
stranger to enrage me?
MICHAEL DORSEY
All right, I'll pick you up at ten o'clock and
enrage you.

EXT. TV STUDIO
People hustling in and out. Busy.

INT. TV STUDIO LOBBY


The room is dominated by a colorful mural
featuring caricatures of the leading players
on "Southwest General." A RECEPTIONIST
sits at a desk.
LOUDSPEAKER [V.O.]
Bruce Fortune to Telecine. Bruce Fortune to
Telecine.
An ASSISTANT approaches SIX 40ish
ACTRESSES, who occupy a sofa, waiting to
audition.
ASSISTANT
Bennett?
ACTRESS 1
Right here.
ASSISTANT
Stanz?
Sandy and Michael appear from the elevator.
She is startled by the appearance of the
other actresses.

11.

SANDY LESTER
Is this what I'm supposed to look like this?
MICHAEL DORSEY
That is what you look like.
SANDY LESTER
[snapping] That's not funny, Michael.
MICHAEL DORSEY
That's good. Keep that. Don't lose that anger.
RITA MARSHALL, Executive Producer of
Southwest General, glides through the lobby,
a COSTUME DESIGNER at her heals.
RITA MARSHALL
No sequins, Alfred. She's attending her
husband's funeral. [to Assistant] Jacqui? As
soon as Ron gets here, in.
ASSISTANT
Lester? Lester? Sandy Lester?
But Sandy is struggling with Michael and her
coat.
SANDY LESTER
Yes, here. [to Michael] Stop it!
RON CARLISLE, the Director, and JULIE
NICHOLS, the actress who plays Nurse
Charles, appear from the elevator, arm and
arm.
LOUDSPEAKER [V.O.]
Julie Nichols, make-up, please.
RON CARLISLE
[after kissing her quickly] Bye-bye.
Julie moves off to make-up. On his way into
the studio, Ron greets the actresses about to
audition.
RON CARLISLE [contd]
Good morning, ladies.
ASSISTANT
All right. Please bring your resums and
follow me.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

SANDY LESTER
Okay, wish me luck.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Fuck you.
SANDY LESTER
Thank you.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Fuck you.
SANDY LESTER
Thank you.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Go.
SANDY LESTER
God bless you.
As Sandy disappears into the studio, a PAGE
strolls through, leading a tour.
PAGE
Here you'll recognize some of your favorite
characters from Southwest General...
including John Van Horn, who has played
the venerable Dr. Medford Brewster since the
very first episode aired some twenty years
ago. Now if you'll follow me we'll head into
Studio B, where the episodes are actually
taped...
LOUDSPEAKER [V.O.]
Andrew Donovan, report to Wardrobe,
please.
Michael doesn't even have time to sit before
Sandy reappears from the studio.
SANDY LESTER
I didn't get it.
MICHAEL DORSEY
What?
SANDY LESTER
They wouldn't even let me read.

12.

MICHAEL DORSEY
What do you mean they wouldn't let you
read?
SANDY LESTER
I mean they wouldn't even let me read. They
said I wasn't right physically--that they want
somebody tougher. Something...I don't
know... So I'm going home.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Okay, I'll walk you.
SANDY LESTER
To San Diego?
MICHAEL DORSEY
What are you talking about?
SANDY LESTER
I'm talking about I'm going home. I'm getting
out of here! I hate it here! God! I'm thirtyfour years old! I paid twenty-four dollars for
these glasses. That's all I do is buy things
to...
Sandy fights Michael as he drags her to the
reception desk.
SANDY LESTER [contd]
I want to be a waitress. I'll be anything...I'll
be a wife...
MICHAEL DORSEY
I wasn't gonna resort to this, but you're
gonna read.
SANDY LESTER
I don't want to...
MICHAEL DORSEY
Shh! Shh! Shh! [to Receptionist] Excuse me,
is Terry Bishop working here today?
RECEPTIONIST
No, he's no longer with the show. Mr. Bishop
is rehearsing The Iceman Cometh for
Broadway.
MICHAEL DORSEY
He's what?

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

13.

RECEPTIONIST
He's rehearsing The Iceman Cometh for
Broadway.

SECRETARY
[on phone; being warned by Receptionist]
Michael, he's tied up right now. I swear!

MICHAEL DORSEY
That...that was my part. I was supposed to
be up... I got to see somebody. [to Sandy]
Don't do anything rash.

...and blows right past her and into George


Fields' office.

Michael runs off, leaving Sandy with the


Receptionist.

INT. GEORGE FIELDS' OFFICE

SANDY LESTER
Will he be back?

EXT. A MID-TOWN STREET


Michael is running, frantically dodging traffic
and pedestrians. Finally he comes upon and
enters the CAA talent agency.

INT. CAA TALENT AGENCY LOBBY


Michael marches in...
MICHAEL DORSEY
Excuse me, is George Fields in?
RECEPTIONIST
Yes, he is.
...continuing right past the RECEPTIONIST.
RECEPTIONIST [contd]
Now, wait a minute. You can't just go in
there!
The Receptionist dials an extension.

GEORGE FIELDS is 50, impeccably dressed,


talking on the phone. As Michael enters:
GEORGE FIELDS
[into phone] Hang on one second [pushes
hold button; to Michael] Michael, will you
wait outside, please? I'm talking to the
Coast.
MICHAEL DORSEY
This is a coast, too, George. New York is a
coast too.
GEORGE FIELDS
Oh, boy. [hits a button; into phone] Sy, are
you...? Sy? God... [to Michael; pushing
buttons] Look what you... [more buttons;
into phone] Margaret? Margaret? Get him
back, will you? I cut myself off. [hangs up]
Now, what is it, Michael?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Terry Bishop's is doing Iceman Cometh,
right? Didn't you promise to send me up for
that part? Am I wrong? Didn't you tell me I
was gonna get a reading for that part? Aren't
you my agent too?
GEORGE FIELDS
Stuart Pressman wants a name, Michael.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Oh, I see. Terry Bishop is a name?

INT. CAA TALENT AGENCY CORRIDOR


Michael strides down miles of carpeting until
he comes upon George Fields' SECRETARY...

GEORGE FIELDS
No, no, no. Michael Dorsey is a name. When
you want to send a steak back Michael
Dorsey is a name.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Okay.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

Michael heads for the door.


GEORGE FIELDS
Wait, wait, wait! You always do this to me. It
was a rotten thing to say and I know it. Let
me start all over again. Terry Bishop is on a
soap opera. Millions of people watch him
every day. He's known.
MICHAEL DORSEY
And that qualifies him to ruin Iceman
Cometh? You know I can act circles around
that guy. I already played that part in
Minneapolis.
GEORGE FIELDS
If Stuart Pressman wants a name, that's his
affair. Okay? I know this is going to disgust
you, Michael, but a lot of people are in this
business to make money.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Don't make me out to be some flake, George,
I am in this business to make money too.
GEORGE FIELDS
Really?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Yes.
GEORGE FIELDS
The Harlem Theatre for the Blind? Strindberg
in the Park. The People's Workshop at
Syracuse?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Okay, now, wait a minute. I did nine plays in
eight months up at Syracuse. I happened to
get great reviews from the New York critics.
Not that that's why I did it.
GEORGE FIELDS
Of course not. God forbid you should lose
your standing as a cult failure.
MICHAEL DORSEY
You think I'm a failure, George? Is that what
you're saying to me?

14.

GEORGE FIELDS
I will not get sucked into this conversation,
Michael. I will not.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Okay, look... I sent you a play to read that
my roommate wrote. It had a great part in it
for me. Did you read it?
GEORGE FIELDS
Where the hell do you come off sending me
your roommate's play for you to star in? I'm
your agent, not your mother. I'm not
supposed to find plays for you to star in. I'm
supposed to field offers--and that's what I do.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Field offers? Who told you that? The agent
fairy? That was a significant piece of work. I
could be terrific in that part.
GEORGE FIELDS
Nobody's going to do that play.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Why?
GEORGE FIELDS
Because it's a downer, that's why. Because
nobody wants to produce a play about a
couple that move back to Love Canal.
MICHAEL DORSEY
But that actually happened.
GEORGE FIELDS
Who gives a shit?! Nobody wants to pay
twenty dollars to watch people living next to
chemical waste! They can see that in Jersey.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Look, I don't want to argue about it. Okay?
I'm gonna raise the eight thousand dollars
myself so I can produce his play. And I want
you to send me up for anything. I don't care
what it is. I will do dog commercials on
television. I will do radio voice-overs.
GEORGE FIELDS
Michael, I can't put you up for any of that.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

MICHAEL DORSEY
Why not?
GEORGE FIELDS
Because no one will hire you.
MICHAEL DORSEY
That's not true, man, I bust my ass to get a
part right! And you know I do.
GEORGE FIELDS
And you bust everybody else's ass too, that's
what you do! A guy's got four weeks to put
on a play you think he wants to sit and
argue about whether Tolstoy can walk when
he's dying or walk when he's talking or sing
when he's walking...
MICHAEL DORSEY
That was two years ago, and that guy's an
idiot.
GEORGE FIELDS
They can't all be idiots, Michael. You argue
with everybody! You've got one of the worst
reputations in this town, Michael. Nobody
will hire you.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Are you saying that nobody in New York will
work with me?
GEORGE FIELDS
Oh, no, that's too limited. Nobody in
Hollywood wants to work with you either. I
can't even send you up for a commercial.
You played a tomato for thirty seconds and
they went a half a day over schedule because
you wouldn't sit down.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Yes, it wasn't logical.
GEORGE FIELDS
You were a tomato! A tomato doesn't have
logic! A tomato can't move!
MICHAEL DORSEY
That's what I said. So if he can't move, how's
he going to sit down, George? I was a standup tomato. A juicy, sexy, beefsteak tomato!
Nobody does vegetables like me! I did an

15.

evening of vegetables off-Broadway! I did the


best tomato, the best cucumber! I did an
endive salad that knocked the critics on their
ass!
GEORGE FIELDS
Michael...I'm trying to stay calm here. You
are a wonderful actor.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Thank you.
GEORGE FIELDS
But you're too much trouble. Get some
therapy.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Okay, thanks. I'm gonna raise eight
thousand dollars and I'm gonna do Jeff's
play.
GEORGE FIELDS
Michael, you're not gonna raise twenty-five
cents... No one will hire you.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Oh, yeah?

EXT. MADISON AVE.


Teaming with people, coming and going.
Gradually we notice one woman moving
towards us, unsteadily on high heels. She is
Michael, dressed as DOROTHY MICHAELS.

INT. TV STUDIO LOBBY


Dorothy Michaels sits on a sofa with four
other tough-looking WOMEN. The Assistant
consults her clipboard.
ASSISTANT
Dorothy Michaels?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yes.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

16.

ASSISTANT
George Fields is your agent?

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Why am I not right, Mr. Carlisle?

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yes.

RON CARLISLE
Well, I'm just trying to make a certain
statement here and I'm looking for a specific
physical type.

ASSISTANT
Okay, ladies. Please bring your pages and
follow me.
Dorothy and the others are up quickly, off to
the studio.

INT. TV STUDIO B
Technicians are moving sets. Ron Carlisle is
making notes in his script.
RON CARLISLE
Rita, I hate this line, "You have every right to
happiness."
RITA MARSHALL
Cut it.
ASSISTANT
This is Dorothy Michaels. Our director, Ron
Carlisle.
RON CARLISLE
Hi, how are you?
ASSISTANT
That's our producer, Rita Marshall. Dorothy
didn't bring a resume, but George Fields is
her agent.
Ron looks up from his script to give Dorothy
the once-over.
RON CARLISLE
That's impressive... but gosh I'm afraid
you're not right for this role though, honey.
Thanks for coming by.
FLOOR MANAGER
Page two-o-five you want camera one or two?
RON CARLISLE
Camera two, and tell Art.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Mr. Carlisle, I'm an actress...a character
actress. I can play this part any way you
want.
Ron puts his arm around Dorothy, leading
her from the room.
RON CARLISLE
Honey, I'm sure that you're a very, very good
actress. It's just that you're a little too soft
and genteel. You're not threatening enough.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Not threatening enough? How's this?
[suddenly volatile] You take your hands off
me or I'll knee your balls through the roof of
your mouth! [all sweetness] Is that enough of
a threat?
RON CARLISLE
It's a start.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yes, I think I know what y'all really want.
You want some gross caricature of a woman.
To prove some idiotic point like power makes
a woman masculine...or masculine women
are ugly. Well, shame on the woman who lets
you do that...or any woman that lets you do
that. And that means you, dear--Miss
Marshall. [tossing script; turning on Ron]
Shame on you, you macho shithead.
Dorothy storms out of the room, leaving
everyone stunned.
RITA MARSHALL
Jesus!
RON CARLISLE
What is idiotic about power making a woman
masculine? [remembering Rita is present]
...not that that was my point.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

INT. TV STUDIO LOBBY

17.

RON CARLISLE
I like her...accent.

RITA MARSHALL
Miss Michaels, just a minute...

STUDIO FLOOR: Dorothy is on her knees,


scrambling to pick up the pages of her script.
She is joined by the show's leading lady,
Julie Nichols, pretty, blonde, kneeling to
help.

LOUDSPEAKER [V.O.]
Nancy Wiser to video.

JULIE NICHOLS
Hi.

RITA MARSHALL
Was that for real or were you auditioning?

DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Michael] Hi... [back as Dorothy] Hi. I
gotta get these pages back in order quick.

Rita finds Dorothy at the elevator.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Which answer will get me a reading, Miss
Marshall?

JULIE NICHOLS
They'll never know the difference.

RITA MARSHALL
Well, good for you. Come.

Michael is gazing at Julie, until the cameras


move in, breaking the moment.

Rita leads Dorothy back into the studio.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
I'm a little nervous.

INT. TV STUDIO - CONTROL ROOM


Ron Carlisle sits before a bank of monitors,
watching the Floor Manager hand Dorothy
script pages.
FLOOR MANAGER [VIDEO]
Miss Michaels.
DOROTHY MICHAELS [VIDEO]
Yes. Oh, thank you.
Rita enters the control room.
RON CARLISLE
You really think she's worth testing?
RITA MARSHALL
She told me no director had ever
communicated a part to her so fast.

JULIE NICHOLS
Just think of them as something friendly.
Like a firing squad.
Dorothy is stealing a peek at Julie when
she's interrupted by Ron's Voice on the
Loudspeaker.
RON CARLISLE [V.O.]
Miss Michaels, we're going to do a camera
test now.
CONTROL ROOM: Ron leans into the
microphone.
RON CARLISLE [contd]
[into intercom] Let me have a right profile,
camera two. Camera one, a left profile.
DOROTHY MICHAELS [VIDEO]
What side?

RON CARLISLE
She said that?

RON CARLISLE
[into intercom] Left side.

RITA MARSHALL
Mmm-hmm.

DOROTHY MICHAELS [VIDEO]


Which way for your left?

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

18.

RON CARLISLE
[into intercom] What?

DOROTHY MICHAELS [VIDEO]


Yes.

DOROTHY MICHAELS [VIDEO]


Is that my left or your left?

RITA MARSHALL
Now, let me see exactly what you showed us
a while ago. Cue her, Jo.

RON CARLISLE
[into intercom] Wait. What are you talking
about? My left.
DOROTHY MICHAELS [VIDEO]
Your left.
RON CARLISLE
[into intercom] Miss Michaels, nobody's
talking to you.
STUDIO FLOOR: Dorothy stands alone,
confused.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I'm sorry. I thought you wanted my profile.
CONTROL ROOM: Rita stands over the
Asst. Director.
RITA MARSHALL
Not so close on camera one.
ASST. DIRECTOR
[into intercom] Camera one back off.
RITA MARSHALL
[into intercom] I'd like to make her look a
little more attractive. How far can you pull
back?

STUDIO FLOOR: The Floor Manager cues


Dorothy from a script.
FLOOR MANAGER
"I know the kind of woman you are, Emily.
You're getting older. You don't have a man,
so you want to act like one."
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Emily Kimberly] All right, just shut your
mouth right now. When you talk to me, talk
professionally. You don't get personal. That's
totally inappropriate behavior. I'm very proud
of being a woman, Dr. Brewster. I'm proud of
this hospital, and you should be too. And I
must tell you, that before I let it be destroyed
by your petty tyrannies--by your callous
inhumanities, sir--I'm going to recommend
you be turned out into the street. Good day,
Dr. Brewster. I said good day, sir.
CONTROL ROOM: Rita leans into the
intercom.
RITA MARSHALL
[into intercom] Thank you. Hold it a minute.
ASST. DIRECTOR
Tough cookie.

STUDIO FLOOR: A Cameraman peers into


his view finder.

RON CARLISLE
I gave her that direction.

CAMERAMAN
How do you feel about Cleveland?

RITA MARSHALL
Something more, though.

CONTROL ROOM:

RON CARLISLE
I don't know. It's your decision, but there's
something about her that bothers me.

RITA MARSHALL
[into intercom] Knock it off.
RON CARLISLE
[into intercom] That's good right there,
Herbie. All right, Dorothy, honey, we're going
to try one. Okay?

RITA MARSHALL
I like it. [into intercom] We'll send the
contracts over to George today, Miss
Michaels.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

EXT. RUSSIAN TEA ROOM

19.

GEORGE FIELDS
Wait a minute...

Patrons come and go. George Fields


approaches the door briskly. Dorothy
appears from nowhere, blocking his path.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
I'm new in town, and I'm awfully lonely. I
wonder if you wouldn't mind buying me
lunch?

DOROTHY MICHAELS
I wonder if you could you help me? I'm
looking for the Russian Tea Room.

GEORGE FIELDS
You can't come... [calling Maitre d'] Gregory,
this woman...

GEORGE FIELDS
This is the Russian Tea Room. Right
here...you're standing in front of it...

Dorothy grabs George's butt, sending him


into a nervous cough.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Oh, well, my stars! So it is. Well, this is very
embarrassing.
GEORGE FIELDS
Yeah, well...this is it.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Thank you, very much.
He goes in. Dorothy sweeps in after him.

INT. RUSSIAN TEA ROOM


George is lead to a table by the MAITRE D'.
MAITRE D'
Good afternoon, Mr. Fields. Nice to see you.
Please sit down. The waiter will be just a
minute.
CUSTOMER
George, how are you?
GEORGE FIELDS
[opening Variety] Hey, Ronnie. How are you?
To George's astonishment, Dorothy slides
into the table next to him.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Hi.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Don't. It's okay....it's okay... George...
George...George... [as Michael] It's Michael
Dorsey, okay? Your favorite client. [as
Dorothy] How are you? [as Michael] Last time
you got me a job it was a tomato.
GEORGE FIELDS
Oh, no, no, no...
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yeah. Swear to God.
GEORGE FIELDS
Michael?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yeah.
GEORGE FIELDS
Oh, God! I begged you to get some therapy.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I know. You also told me that no one would
hire me.
GEORGE FIELDS
Jesus Christ, you think this is gonna make a
difference?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I got a soap, George. I'm the new woman
administrator on Southwest General.
GEORGE FIELDS
You're what?

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Congratulate me! They almost didn't hire me
'cause they thought I looked too feminine...
A WAITER approaches.
WAITER
Something from the bar?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
...isn't that amazing?
GEORGE FIELDS
Could you get me a double vodka right away,
please.

20.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
You want to bet?
GEORGE FIELDS
Don't sit...
Two people in the business, PHIL
WEINTRAUB and JOEL SPECTOR, stop by
the table.
PHIL WEINTRAUB
George.
GEORGE FIELDS
Hi, Phil.

WAITER
For the lady?

PHIL WEINTRAUB
You know Joel Spector.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
How about a Dubonnet with a twist?

GEORGE FIELDS
Hello, Joel. How are you?

WAITER
Yes, ma'am.

Dorothy slides close to George, tickling and


distracting him.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Thank you. That's a lovely blouse.

GEORGE FIELDS [contd]


Listen, I talked to Stuart--I talked to him
yesterday. He'll be one more week in London.
Then he definitely...

WAITER
Thank you.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Welcome.
The Waiter moves off.
GEORGE FIELDS
You're not gonna get away with this.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I got away with it. Look around.
GEORGE FIELDS
I don't believe this.
Michael slides closer, George keeps his
distance.
GEORGE FIELDS [contd]
I mean, I just don't believe anybody else is
gonna believe it...

DOROTHY MICHAELS
I missed you!
GEORGE FIELDS
Then he definitely...
DOROTHY MICHAELS
You're such a tickly-wickly. You never were
before. We go back years. We haven't been
introduced.
JOEL SPECTOR
Joel Spector.
GEORGE FIELDS
I'm sorry...
PHIL WEINTRAUB
Phil Weintraub.
GEORGE FIELDS
Sorry. This is Michael...

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Dorothy Michaels. Nice to meet you. May I
say, Mr. Weintraub, that you are the best
director...
GEORGE FIELDS
[under his breath] Producer.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Sorry. Producer on the Broadway scene
today.
PHIL WEINTRAUB
Thank you. Thank you, Miss Michaels. Hope
to see you again.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Let's have lunch.

21.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
For what? I gotta have something to wear
besides this.

EXT. LINGERIE SHOP


Dorothy exits the shop, pulling at creeping
underwear.

INT. BLOOMINGDALES
Dorothy stands before a SALESWOMAN and
a long mirror.

PHIL WEINTRAUB
Fine.

SALESWOMAN
I won't let you not buy it. It's the best dress
you've had on.

GEORGE FIELDS
Call you.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
I think it makes me look dumpy.

Joel and Phil are gone.

SALESWOMAN
That's because you're wearing ankle straps.
Believe me, with a few alterations...

DOROTHY MICHAELS
He's handsome. You should represent him.
GEORGE FIELDS
You are psychotic!
DOROTHY MICHAELS
No, I'm not, I'm employed. [touching George
under the table] I got the whole world...
GEORGE FIELDS
Don't!

EXT. BLOOMINGDALES
Burdened with packages, Dorothy struggles
to flag a cab.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Taxi! Taxi! Taxi!

DOROTHY MICHAELS
I won't make fun of you.

The cab stops, but as Dorothy approaches, a


man cuts in front of her, jumps in and leaves
her standing.

GEORGE FIELDS
Don't get close to me!

DOROTHY MICHAELS [contd]


What are you doing? I was here first!

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Loan me a thousand dollars till payday.

Dorothy yanks the man from the cab to the


curb and climbs in. As the cab pulls away,
she tosses the man's briefcase out the
window and into the street.

GEORGE FIELDS
For what?

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

DOROTHY MICHAELS [contd]


Thank you.

22.

MICHAEL DORSEY
Where will I say I got the money? What am I
going to do? Tell her somebody died and left
it to me?

INT. MICHAEL & JEFF'S LOFT


Michael in an old robe with his feet in a pan
of water, tomatoes and cottage cheese on his
plate, packages all around.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Those women were like animals. I saw this
beautiful handbag. I was afraid to fight for it.
They're vicious. They kill their own. The
woman that finally bought this handbag, I
know did time. Now I don't have a decent
handbag. You know what this lingerie cost?
And the makeup? How does a woman keep
herself attractive and not starve? Can I have
more cottage cheese?
JEFF SLATER
You wore this today?
MICHAEL DORSEY
I gotta set that before I go to bed. Easy, easy,
easy. Please! I'm dieting. Please. I gotta get
up at four-thirty do a close shave. I told the
studio I do my own makeup because I'm
allergic.
JEFF SLATER
I appreciate your doing this, but it's for the
money, isn't it? It's not so you can wear
these little outfits?
MICHAEL DORSEY
I'm not even gonna answer that. It's a great
acting challenge. You know what my problem
is?
JEFF SLATER
Cramps.
MICHAEL DORSEY
No, not cramps. Sandy. How can I tell her
they cast a man instead of her? She'll be
suicidal.
JEFF SLATER
Don't tell her.

INT. SANDY'S APARTMENT


Sandy in sweat clothes, having just finished
a workout.
SANDY LESTER
My God! When did she die?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Last week.
SANDY LESTER
Of what?
MICHAEL DORSEY
A disease.
SANDY LESTER
Gee, what a coincidence. I mean, your
needing eight thousand dollars and her
leaving you exactly that much.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Isn't it?
SANDY LESTER
It's, well...
Michael produces a script from under his
jacket.
MICHAEL DORSEY
All right, kid.
SANDY LESTER
[grabbing script] It's mine?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Learn your lines.
SANDY LESTER
I'm excited! This is the greatest part!

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

MICHAEL DORSEY
I want to take you to dinner. It's time we
celebrated something.
SANDY LESTER
To Return to the Love Canal.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Hurry up.
SANDY LESTER
I'll jump in the shower.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Hurry, hurry, hurry!
Alone, Michael starts to rummage through
Sandy's dresses. Holding them in front of
him, looking in the mirror.
MICHAEL DORSEY [contd]
[as Dorothy] Why, yes.
Just as Michael drops his pants to try one
on, Sandy appears from the shower, wrapped
in a towel.
SANDY LESTER
You know, we can stay here if you want to,
and... [sees Michael in his underwear] What
are you doing?

23.

SANDY LESTER
I know. But sex changes things. I've had
relationships where I know a guy, then have
sex with him...and then I bump into him and
he acts like I loaned him money.
MICHAEL DORSEY
That's not me. I'll call you tomorrow.
SANDY LESTER
I know there's pain in every relationship. I
just want my pain now. Otherwise, I'll wait
by the phone...and then I'll have pain and
wait by the phone. It's a waste of time.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Let's make it definite. Dinner tomorrow.

INT. MICHAEL & JEFF'S LOFT


An alarm goes off showing 4: 30 a.m. A
series of quick cuts reveals: Michael in the
tub shaving his legs; plucking his eyebrows;
applying a thick makeup base; curling false
eyelashes; inserting cosmetic teeth; applying
lipstick; teasing a wig; painting fingernails.
A hand stirs Jeff from his sleep. He finds
Dorothy standing over him.

MICHAEL DORSEY
Oh, God! I'm... Sandy, I want you.

JEFF SLATER
Mom?

SANDY LESTER
You want me?

DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Michael] What do you think? Hurry. I'm
late.

MICHAEL DORSEY
I want you. I want you.
Pants still around his ankles, Michael walks
to her with inviting arms.

JEFF SLATER
Turn around.
Michael does a simple turn.

LATER: Sandy is naked under the sheets


while Michael fumbles to get his clothes on.

JEFF SLATER [contd]


Smile. Say something.

SANDY LESTER
Will I ever see you again?

DOROTHY MICHAELS
How do you do, Jeff? It's nice to meet you.

MICHAEL DORSEY
We've known each other six years.

JEFF SLATER
You look very nice. Nice...

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Michael] But the hair's not right.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Dorothy Michaels. Southwest General.

JEFF SLATER
No, you got kind of a Howard Johnson's
thing going on.

SECURITY GUARD
[checking clipboard] Oh, yeah, Miss
Michaels... That's TV Two. Straight ahead,
first right.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Michael] Do something. I can't be late my
first day. Come on.
Jeff pulls and pushes at Dorothy's wig.
DOROTHY MICHAELS [contd]
[as Michael] Easy, easy!
JEFF SLATER
It's not your head.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Michael] Okay?
JEFF SLATER
Let's see... Well, it works.

24.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Is that clock right?
SECURITY GUARD
Right on the money.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I couldn't get a cab.

INT. TV STUDIO B CORRIDOR


The Floor Manager escorts Dorothy to her
dressing room.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Michael] But what?

FLOOR MANAGER
[to a passing Technician] Hi, Bobby. This is
Miss Michaels.

JEFF SLATER
Don't play hard to get.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
How do you do?

EXT. MICHAEL & JEFF'S BUILDING

FLOOR MANAGER
You'll be in Room Four, Miss Michaels. We'll
need you on set in about fifteen minutes.

Michael dashes from the building, hailing a


cab.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Taxi! Taxi! [as Michael; shouting] TAXI!

Dorothy enters her dressing room--

INT. DOROTHY'S DRESSING ROOM

The cab screeches to a stop. Dorothy hops


in.

--to find APRIL PAIGE, delicious, young,


removing a scanty robe, to reveal an even
scantier set of undergarments. Dorothy is
frazzled.

INT. TV STUDIO LOBBY

DOROTHY MICHAELS
I'm sorry.

Dorothy hustles in, addresses the SECURITY


GUARD.

APRIL PAIGE
That's ok.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

25.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
[struggling with door] Oh, Jesus.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
I have to kiss Dr. Brewster!

APRIL PAIGE
It's quite all right. I'm April Paige.

APRIL PAIGE
Oh, yeah... He kisses all the women on the
show. We call him "The Tongue."

DOROTHY MICHAELS
[trying to look anywhere but at her] My, what
a nice-looking table.

Dorothy looks up, mortified.

APRIL PAIGE
Really?

INT. TV STUDIO B - PATIENT'S ROOM SET

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yes, it's very smooth. And that's a very good
idea. A socket for a plug.

Chaos. Talking. Pounding. Ron Carlisle is


conducting a rehearsal with Julie and the
VIOLINIST.

APRIL PAIGE
Yeah, well, we got everything.

RON CARLISLE
Okay, quickly. Now, the tubes have pulled
out of Rick's nose. Julie, there's been an
alert at your station. Rick, get on the floor.
That's why the tubes pulled out. Now when
Julie starts stuffing the tubes back up your
nose...you grab her. I mean Hard.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
[sneaking a peak] Yes, I see.
APRIL PAIGE
Just push all that out of the way. Make
yourself at home. Okay?
There is a knock.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yes?
The Floor Manager sticks her head in and
hands Dorothy two blue pages.
FLOOR MANAGER
One more thing, Miss Michaels. I forgot to
give you these.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Thank you... Oh, are these for today?
APRIL PAIGE
They always throw stuff at you in the last
minute. You could lose your mind around
here.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[reading pages] My goodness!
APRIL PAIGE
What's wrong?

JULIE NICHOLS
In his condition?
RON CARLISLE
Absolutely. He's been out of his mind since
he fell through the ice. You're delirious. You
think she's Anthea.
CORRIDOR SET: Dorothy looks through the
doorway, JOHN VAN HORN close behind her.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Mr. Carlisle, I-RON CARLISLE
[to the room] Jesus Christ! I wonder if we
could have a little more hammering around
here?!
Once the room is silent, Ron turns back to
the Violinist.
RON CARLISLE [contd]
Now, when you grab her, maybe you even
say, "Anthea! Anthea!"

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

VIOLINIST
Good. Is my violin somewhere in the room?

desire. [patting Julie's butt] God knows, it


inflames mine.

RON CARLISLE
Your violin sunk. It's at the bottom of the
lake.

Ron is up and over to Dorothy and Van


Horn.

CORRIDOR SET:
DOROTHY MICHAELS
The violin fell through the ice.
JOHN VAN HORN
He was playing during the thaw. You're
Dorothy Michaels, aren't you?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yes.
JOHN VAN HORN
I'm John Van Horn. We're up next. [a couple
of squirts of breath spray]
PATIENT'S ROOM SET: Ron confronts
Julie.
RON CARLISLE
Now, Julie honey, when he grabs you, you've
got to be torn, to struggle. Because you know
you've got to get those tubes stuck back up
his nose. But at the same time you realize
you're in the arms of a man whose music
was everything to Anthea. It was her whole
life. This is a man who stood by you after
Ted's breakdown. [turning to crew] Bernie,
get me a bagel and cream cheese. Will ya?
BERNIE
Julie, you want anything?
RON CARLISLE
No. She's fine, thanks. So it's a struggle, but
you're struggling with yourself as well. You
understand?

26.

RON CARLISLE [contd]


[guiding Dorothy] Okay, Big John. Dorothy,
come in here. Everybody, this is Dorothy
Michaels, the new hospital administrator.
JULIE NICHOLS
Hello, Dorothy.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Hi!
JULIE NICHOLS
We met the other day. Julie Nichols, hospital
slut.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
No! Now, Mr. Carisle...
RON CARLISLE
Sweetheart, I'm sorry, but we have so little
time, we can't even rehearse. I'm gonna show
you your marks, and then we'll go straight to
tape. Big John, you'll enter from here, you
see them struggling... you cross to here and
cry loudly, "Nurse Charles! Are you insane?"
JOHN VAN HORN
Yes, I see. Will it be on the teleprompter?
"Loudly?"
RON CARLISLE
Yeah.
JOHN VAN HORN
And who do I say that to?
RON CARLISLE
Nurse Charles.

JULIE NICHOLS
And I lose, right?

DOROTHY MICHAELS
I thought when Dr. Brewster...

RON CARLISLE
[guiding her to floor] Get down here a
minute. Now, then, Rick, it says when she
comes down to her knees...it inflames your

But Ron doesn't hear her, he's got his arm


around her, leading her through her
blocking.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

RON CARLISLE
You will enter from here, cross over to this
mark.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I know my mark. But I thought...
RON CARLISLE
The corridor scene will be played right here.
Okay?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
See, I just wanted to ask concerning the
doctor...
Ron slams the door in Dorothy's face.
VIDEO TAPE ROOM: The VIDEO TAPE
OPERATOR is swigging from a bottle of celery
tonic.
ASST. DIRECTOR [V.O.]
Places, please. Stand by, tape is rolling.
FLOOR MANAGER [V.O.]
Five, four, three...
STUDIO FLOOR: The Floor Manager cues
Julie and the Violinist. They begin to
struggle.
VIOLINIST
Anthea! Oh, Anthea!
ASST. DIRECTOR [V.O.]
Freeze up. Ready one twenty-five.
JULIE NICHOLS
I have to get these tubes in...
John Van Horn enters on cue, stealing a look
at the teleprompter before exclaiming:
JOHN VAN HORN
[as Dr. Brewster] Nurse Charles! Are you
insane?
Dorothy Michaels is close behind.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Emily Kimberly] I'm Emily Kimberly, the

27.

new hospital administrator... Nurse Charles,


what on earth is going on here, dear?
Dorothy helps Julie to her feet, but Van Horn
says his next line anyway.
JOHN VAN HORN
[as Dr. Brewster] Help me get her to her feet,
Miss Kimberly.
CONTROL ROOM: Ron cringes.
RON CARLISLE
John's going...
PATIENT'S ROOM SET: Thinking quickly,
Julie faints in Dorothy's arms.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Emily Kimberly] Nurse Charles, tend to
your patient and faint on your own time! Is
that clear?
JULIE NICHOLS
[as Nurse Charles] Yes, Miss...
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Emily Kimberly] ...Kimberly. Dr.
Brewster...you and I must talk.
CONTROL ROOM:
RON CARLISLE
Talk to me, Rita, you want to keep rolling?
RITA MARSHALL
It's okay. The girls saved it.
They watch the corridor scene play out on
the monitors.
JOHN VAN HORN [VIDEO]
[as Dr. Brewster] You haven't changed at all,
Emily.
DOROTHY MICHAELS [VIDEO]
[as Emily Kimberly] But I have, Medford.
CORRIDOR SET: Van Horn and Dorothy.
JOHN VAN HORN
[as Dr. Brewster] You know, Emily, there's

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

no reason for us to be in opposite camps. We


can rule Southwest General together. I
admire people with power. Women with
power, especially...
As Van Horn moves in for the kiss, Dorothy
brings her clipboard crashing down on his
head.
CONTROL ROOM: Stunned.
RON CARLISLE
God, she hit him on the head. Rita, she hit
him on the head.
CORRIDOR SET: Julie watches, stifling a
laugh.

28.

something, discuss it with me first. You


understand.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yes. I was wrong not to.
RON CARLISLE
Good girl. Big John, wonderful! Wonderful!
RITA MARSHALL
All right, people. Item seven. In the corridor.
Everyone is on the move.
JULIE NICHOLS
Thanks for catching me. You saved my ass.
Literally.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Emily Kimberly] ...and not consider it a
threat? I'm afraid, Dr. Brewster, that you
have underestimated me. If you want to win
me over, you'll deal with my mind...and not
my lips.

As Julie walks away, Dorothy sneaks a peak


at that ass.

CONTROL ROOM:

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Well, you know, you were good too...

RON CARLISLE
Cut it.
ASST. DIRECTOR
And stop tape.

JOHN VAN HORN


Dorothy... I just want to say I loved what you
did in our scene. Welcome aboard!

Van Horn takes his kiss from Dorothy. Long,


deep...and punctuated with a happy squirt of
breath spray.

STUDIO FLOOR: Cofused, Van Horn runs


to Ron.

EXT. TV STUDIO

JOHN VAN HORN


I was supposed to kiss her.

Ron and Julie come out into the street. Julie


is immediately swarmed by the public.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
You know, Mr. Carlisle, It was just an
instinct. I kept remembering what you said
to me about my character being more
threatening?

AUTOGRAPH HOUND
Can I have your autograph? I've been
watching the show forever. You're so great.
Wonderful! Oh, thank you!

JULIE NICHOLS
It was a good instinct. It would've been mine.
RON CARLISLE
Wait a minute. I'll handle the instincts here.
Now, it happened to be a very good instinct,
toots. But next time you want to change

Julie signs her name as Dorothy appears


behind her.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Thank you, Miss Nichols. That was an
exhilarating first day.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

JULIE NICHOLS
Tell me about it next week.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Good night.
Ron is at the cab, calling back impatiently.
RON CARLISLE
Julie, come on, baby.
JULIE NICHOLS
Can we drop you somewhere? And maybe
you'd like to join us for a drink?
MICHAEL DORSEY
No, thanks. I feel like walking.
JULIE NICHOLS
Okay, bye.
Ron guides Julie into a cab with a gentle pat
on the butt.

INT. MICHAEL & JEFF'S LOFT


Jeff is working on his play as Michael sets
his wig.
MICHAEL DORSEY
...she's a very attractive girl. And no dummy.
But for the life of me I cannot understand
why she hangs around with that director. He
treats her like she's just...nothing!
JEFF SLATER
I think you're right. I'm rewriting the necktie
scene without the necktie.
MICHAEL DORSEY
He's condescending. He calls me
"sweetheart." He doesn't even know my
name. He calls her "baby." He pushed me
around. If not for the dress, I'd have kicked
his ass.
JEFF SLATER
How'd you communicate with him?

29.

MICHAEL DORSEY
He told me what he wanted. I didn't say
anything. I did it my way. He bawled me out.
I apologized. That was that. I think Dorothy's
smarter than I am. I just wish I looked
prettier. I look in the mirror and...maybe I
can just get a softer...hair or something,
because she deserves it.
Phone rings. Jeff starts for it.
MICHAEL DORSEY [contd]
Don't answer that!
JEFF SLATER
Why not?
MICHAEL DORSEY
It could be for Dorothy. Please.
JEFF SLATER
Why'd you give them this number?
MICHAEL DORSEY
The show has to contact me in case they
change the schedule.
JEFF SLATER
I'll find out.
MICHAEL DORSEY
They can't think Dorothy lives with a man!
It's wrong for her.
JEFF SLATER
It could be for me. Answer as Dorothy.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I can't! What if it's Sandy?
JEFF SLATER
If it's Diane, how do I explain there's a
woman here?
Phone stops ringing.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I'll get a service tomorrow.
JEFF SLATER
[gathering coat] When you were playing
Cyrano and you stuck a sabre in my

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

30.

armpit... I didn't say anything. When you


were hopping around, ranting about your
hump...saying this was a bell tower, I didn't
say anything. But I don't see why I should
pretend I'm not home just because you're not
that kind of girl. That's weird.

OUTSIDE TV STUDIO: More fans, waiting


for autographs

Jeff is on his way to the door.

APRIL PAIGE
I don't know. I don't write the shit, you
know.

MICHAEL DORSEY
Where are you going?
JEFF SLATER
To Diane's. That way if anybody wants to
reach me, they can talk to me.

FAN 1
Did you give Melanie an overdose on
purpose?

They are now mobbing Dorothy.


FAN 2
Don't be so hard on Dr. Brewster. He's
insecure.

MICHAEL DORSEY
What do you think I'm doing this for? For
you, for the play, for Sandy...

DOROTHY MICHAELS
I have to be tough. He just wants my body.

But Jeff is gone, leaving Michael to cringe at


his own thought-lessness.

FAN 2
Dorothy, you're so bad.

INT. SANDY'S/MICHAEL'S APARTMENTS


Sandy has the phone to her ear.
SANDY LESTER
[into phone] I told you to give me the pain
yesterday.
MICHAEL DORSEY
[into phone] Sandy, I'm sorry. I can't talk
long. I just don't have the energy. I didn't
forget. I just may have the flu.
SANDY LESTER
[into phone] Do you have a fever? How
much? Go right to bed and take two
aspirin... bundle up, sweat, and drink
liquids. Above all, take a thousand units of
vitamin C every hour with milk only.

FAN 3
You look just the way you look.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Thank you. You're very attractive too.
Julie appears with her father, Les.
JULIE NICHOLS
I want you to meet my dad, Les.
LES NICHOLS
It's nice to meet you.
LES NICHOLS [contd]
I feel I know you already.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I just love your daughter to pieces.
A LIVING ROOM: Women playing cards and
watching Southwest General.

MONTAGE:
OUTSIDE TV STUDIO: Fans, waiting for
autographs.
AN OFFICE: A Secretary types while
watching a hidden TV.

EXT. A MID-TOWN STREET


Jeff and Michael out for the afternoon.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

JEFF SLATER
I can't write any clearer than I can write. It's
in English.
Michael stops to window shop for jewelry.
MICHAEL DORSEY
What about those?
JEFF SLATER
For Sandy?
MICHAEL DORSEY
For me, for Dorothy. Not exactly, but that
kind of idea.
JEFF SLATER
It's a little overstated.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Really?
They see Julie and Ron.
MICHAEL DORSEY [contd]
Wait a minute! Jesus! That's her.
JEFF SLATER
Nurse Charles!

INT. MICHAEL & JEFF'S LOFT


Michael is on the phone to Sandy. He
scribbles on a pad.
MICHAEL DORSEY
You got it. Thursday, what time? Eightthirty. I will not forget. Okay, bye-bye.

EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET


Sandy is shopping the sidewalks for dinner
items.

31.

INT. DOROTHY'S DRESSING ROOM


Dorothy runs lines with a barely dressed
April.
APRIL PAIGE
"Things are better since you came to
Southwest General. We're all so grateful to
you."
DOROTHY MICHAELS
For?
APRIL PAIGE
"For your help and advice."
DOROTHY MICHAELS
"Well, I really think of you all as my
daughters. And what kind of mother
wouldn't give her girls tits?" [catching
herself] "Tips." It's "tips." Tips.

INT. STUDIO B - CONTROL ROOM


On the MONITORS we see EMILY'S OFFICE
SET. John Van Horn stands over Dorothy,
his eyes on the prompter.
JOHN VAN HORN
[as Dr. Brewster] I think you'll find that you
picked the wrong man to challenge, Miss
Kimberly.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Emily Kimberly] It was you who pro...
[turning his face from teleprompter] Look at
me when I talk to you, Dr. Brewster. I don't
trust a man who won't meet my eye. I don't
trust it in a bank teller, I don't trust it in an
insurance salesman. And I certainly don't
trust it in a chief surgeon. Now, it was you
who provoked this confrontation.
JOHN VAN HORN
[as Dr. Brewster] You're an incredibly
insensitive woman, Miss Kimberly.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Emily Kimberly] Stop thinking of me as a

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

woman and start thinking of me as a person.


That's what Southwest General is made of,
people.
She sends him out the door.
DOROTHY MICHAELS [contd]
[as Emily Kimberly] And have Nurse Charles
see me immediately.
CONTROL ROOM:
ASST. DIRECTOR
One, push in for a close-up.

32.

JOHN VAN HORN


I think we should tape it, don't you?
FLOOR MANAGER
That's a wrap. See you bright and early, sixthirty tomorrow.
Everything is shutting down. Everyone is
scattering.
On her way to the dressing room Dorothy
notices Ron and April sharing an intimate
moment in a dark corner.

EVERYONE
Not too close!

INT. STUDIO B CORRIDOR

ASST. DIRECTOR
Okay, hold it there.

Dorothy walks down the corridor, passing


another actor--

RON CARLISLE
And cut it!

BEN
Good night, Dorothy.

ASST. DIRECTOR
Stop tape.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Good night, Ben.

DOROTHY'S OFFICE SET:

--and past the open door of Julie's dressing


room.

JOHN VAN HORN


Dorothy, it was wonderful the way you held
my face. You controlled me completely. I felt
your power...
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Thank you, John, but you had some great
moments.

JULIE NICHOLS
That's some day, huh?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
What? Oh, you mean about doing it over
again. Tell me, does that happen often?

JOHN VAN HORN


Really?

JULIE NICHOLS
Every once in a while. You know, we actually
had to do it live once.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yes.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Live!

Rita appears from the control room.

JULIE NICHOLS
You should have seen Van Horn's face. Of
course you couldnt see Van Horns face. He
was so panicked we had to shoot him from
the back. Want some wine?

RITA MARSHALL
Hold it. Good news, children. Our brilliant
engineers have again erased a reel of the
show. So we have to retape fourteen, fifteen
and sixteen. [groans from everyone] It's
either that or do it live, tomorrow.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

DOROTHY MICHAELS
No, thanks. I better be getting on home. I
have to wash my hair. Thanks anyway.
JULIE NICHOLS
Dorothy?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yes?
JULIE NICHOLS
Listen, I know this is exactly what you want
to hear right now now...but we've got twentysix pages tomorrow, and I was wondering... if
you could find it in your heart to come over
and run some lines with me tonight.
JULIE NICHOLS
I could make you something to eat. [to
someone passing] Night, Fay. [to Dorothy] I'm
a born defroster.

33.

MICHAEL DORSEY
No, no. I dont have the right shoes for it.
And I hate the way the horizontal lines make
me look hippy...and it cuts me across the
bust.
JEFF SLATER
I think we're getting into a weird area here.
MICHAEL DORSEY
This is smart. What about this? Seriously.
JEFF SLATER
You looks like you should be ringing a school
bell.
MICHAEL DORSEY
This may seem silly to you, but this is our
first date. I just want to look pretty for her.

INT. JULIE'S APARTMENT


INT. MICHAEL & JEFF'S LOFT
The apartment is a cyclone of women's
clothes, shoes, underwear.
JEFF SLATER
What do you mean you don't have a thing to
wear?
MICHAEL DORSEY
She's seen me in all these.
JEFF SLATER
She hasnt seen you in the white thing.
MICHAEL DORSEY
This? You cannot wear white to a casual
dinner. It's too dressy.

Julie, holding baby clothes and a bottle


opens the door to find Dorothy, holding a
small bouquet of flowers.
JULIE NICHOLS
Hi. What a pretty outfit.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yeah. Im glad you like it.
JULIE NICHOLS
Come on in.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I brought you something.
JULIE NICHOLS
Oh, Dorothy, you didn't have to do that.

JEFF SLATER
You couldn't wear pants?

DOROTHY MICHAELS
It wasn't nothing.

MICHAEL DORSEY
No. Pants? [a glance to his butt] I can't.

JULIE NICHOLS
Come on in. I'll put them in some water.

JEFF SLATER
What about this thing?

DOROTHY MICHAELS
What a big apartment. What a lovely, lovely
room.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

34.

JULIE NICHOLS
Is it?

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Who's Amy?

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yes, it's yummy.

JULIE NICHOLS
My daughter. She was fourteen months old
last week.

JULIE NICHOLS
I had a decorator do it. Before the show, no
money. Since the show, no time.
MRS. CRAWLEY, 60ish, severe, appears from
a bedroom, wearing her hat and coat. She
startles Dorothy.
MRS. CRAWLEY
Amy is asleep. Finally.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[aside to Julie] Scared the daylights out of
me.
MRS. CRAWLEY
Miss Nichols, that child is never going to
learn anything if you keep-JULIE NICHOLS
Thank you, Mrs. Crawley. Dorothy, Mrs.
Crawley.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I'm sorry, I didn't know.
MRS. CRAWLEY
Nice meeting you.
Mrs. Crawley exits.
JULIE NICHOLS
Scares the shit out of me.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Scared me to death.
JULIE NICHOLS
Drop your coat here.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Who is it?
JULIE NICHOLS
Amy's nanny. And she hates me.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
I didn't know you had a baby.
JULIE NICHOLS
You got any kids, Dorothy?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
No, no, no.
JULIE NICHOLS
Were you ever married?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I haven't been that fortunate. I was engaged
once, though, to a brilliant young
actor...whose career unfortunately was cut
short by the insensitivity of the theatrical
establishment.
JULIE NICHOLS
They killed him?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
In a manner of speaking. Sutton gave up
acting, and me as well. He's working now as
a waiter in a disreputable restaurant. I don't
want to talk about it.
JULIE NICHOLS
Maybe you'd like a little wine?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
No, I think I'd better keep sharp when we
work, you know?
JULIE NICHOLS
You mind if I ask you a question? Do you
worry about using so much heavy makeup
on your skin all the time?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
No. I don't worry. I have a little...moustache
problem I'm a little sensitive to. Probably just
too many male hormones or something.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

JULIE NICHOLS
Some men find that attractive.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I know, I know. I just don't like the men that
find it attractive. I take it you're divorced?
JULIE NICHOLS
No. I've never been married.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Perhaps I'll just have one little drink.

INT. SANDYS APARTMENT


Sandy is up to her elbows in ground meat,
preparing dinner for Michael.

INT. JULIES APARTMENT


Julie is fixing dinner for Dorothy.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Tell me about Ron.
JULIE NICHOLS
How much time have you got?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Go on.
JULIE NICHOLS
Well, Ron... Ron is, hands down, the best
director of daytime drama. Did they tell you
not to call it a soap yet? There was a time
anyone called it a soap opera in front of a
civilian, Rita would fine them a quarter.
Thats how she bought her mercedes.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
You're not telling me about you and Ron.
JULIE NICHOLS
That's nighttime drama. He's interesting
there too.

35.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Oh, you mean he's... You mean you have a
good relationship.
JULIE NICHOLS
I dont know What's a good relationship,
Dotty? Can I call you Dotty?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Oh, please do.
JULIE NICHOLS
Ron's smart and he's funny. We got some
things in common. Listen, you know a guy
whos interested in a woman who wants her
dinner at four...is unconscious by nine and
goes to work at dawn?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
But how does he treat you?
JULIE NICHOLS
Oh, that! Listen, you dont think I do this
without a plan, do you?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
What do you mean?
JULIE NICHOLS
There are a lot of men out there. I'm
selective. I look around very carefully. And
when I find the one who can give me the
worst time...that's when I make my move.

INT. SANDYS APARTMENT


The dinner is done. Sandy is waiting
patiently.

INT. JULIES APARTMENT


Julie and Dorothy have finished
dinner, and are on the sofa running
lines.
JULIE NICHOLS
My lines sound like subtitles for a Czech
movie.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Try answering as if the question took you by
surprise.
JULIE NICHOLS
What do you mean?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I'll ask a question. You just answer it.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
but I should mind my own business.
JULIE NICHOLS
It's all so complicated, isn't it?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
What?

JULIE NICHOLS
Okay.

JULIE NICHOLS
All of it. Truthfully, don't you find being a
woman in the eighties complicated?

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Why do you drink so much?

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Extremely.

JULIE NICHOLS
When you grow up the way I did, an orphan
raised by a sister sixteen years older...you
have few illusions.

JULIE NICHOLS
You know what I wish, just once?

DOROTHY MICHAELS
There you go.
JULIE NICHOLS
It made a difference?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yes. You got it.
JULIE NICHOLS
Thanks, Dorothy.
Finished working, they put their scripts
down.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Why do you drink so much?
JULIE NICHOLS
Because it's not fattening...and it's not good
for me. How many things can you say that
about?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
You telling me that I should mind my own
business.
JULIE NICHOLS
I just don't think you should worry about it. I
mean, it's nice of you, but

36.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
What?
JULIE NICHOLS
That a guy could be honest enough just to
walk up to me and say..."Hey, I'm confused
about this too. I could lay a big line on you,
we could do a lot of role-playing...but the
simple truth is, I find you very interesting...
and I'd really like to make love with you."
Simple as that. Wouldn't that be a relief?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Heaven. Sheer heaven.
JULIE NICHOLS
Ron was supposed to come over last night. I
had dinner all ready for him. He never
showed up.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Oh, my Lord! What time is it?
JULIE NICHOLS
It's ten-thirty.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I gotta go. Listen, forgive me for rushing off
like this. It was a wonderful dinner...

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

EXT. MICHAEL & JEFFS BUILDING


Dorothy stumbles from a cab and into the
building.

INT. MICHAEL & JEFF'S LOFT


Wig and clothes are flying, as Dorothy is
frantically trying to transform herself back
into Michael.

INT. SANDY'S APARTMENT


A sober Sandy opens her front door to reveal
Michael, meekly holding a bag of ice cream.
SANDY LESTER
The dinner is burned.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I'm sorry I'm late. But I was taking a
shower...and the water turned off...and I got
soap in my eyes. I had to go to five stores to
get your favorite, chocolate-chocolate chip.
SANDY LESTER
Michael, I saw her.
MICHAEL DORSEY
What? You saw who?
SANDY LESTER
When you were late, I went by your place. I
waited outside and I saw that fat woman go
into your apartment.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Fat woman?
SANDY LESTER
The one in the raincoat.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Oh, that woman! That's a friend of Jeff's. She
came over to help him with the play. They've
known each other for years. You think she's
fat?

37.

SANDY LESTER
Well, it was dark but, yes, I thought she was
fat. When did Jeff start collaborating on his
play?
MICHAEL DORSEY
She's an excellent typist. Look, I'm not
having an affair with that woman. It's
impossible.
SANDY LESTER
I don't want to make trouble. I shouldn't
have people over. They never show up. I'm
sorry. I feel guilty. You feel guilty. I'm sorry.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Don't do that. Don't apologize because I'm
three hours late. You should be furious.
SANDY LESTER
You've been great to me. You helped me with
the audition for that soap. It's that soap!
That soap! Did you see that cow they hired?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Cow?
SANDY LESTER
They must've gone a different way. She is
awful.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Well, I heard she was pretty good.
SANDY LESTER
Baloney! She's supposed to be tough, right?
She's not tough. She's a wimp!
MICHAEL DORSEY
Maybe it's the lines. She doesn't make them
up.
SANDY LESTER
Well, I think she should. They couldn't be
any worse.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

INT. TV STUDIO B - PATIENT'S ROOM


Dorothy [as Emily Kimberly] stands over a
FEMALE PATIENT, lying in a bed, battered,
bandaged.
FEMALE PATIENT
I can't move out, Miss Kimberly. I have no
place to go. I don't know what to do.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Emily Kimberly] Don't tell me your
husband beats you, but you can't move out.
Why should you move?
FEMALE PATIENT
What is she saying?
ASST. DIRECTOR [V.O.]
Three's up. Ready one.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Emily Kimberly] You know what I'd do if
somebody did this to me? I'd pick up the
biggest thing around and I'd just... bash
their brains right through... the top of their
skull before I'd let them beat me up again.
FEMALE PATIENT
Well, I can't afford therapy, Miss Kimberly.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Emily Kimberly] Who said anything about
therapy?
RITA MARSHALL
Cut it, Ron.
RON CARLISLE
Cut it!
FEMALE PATIENT
Wait a minute. Her line is "Your husband..."
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Wait a second. May I say in my own
defense...to tell a woman with two children,
no money...and a husband who beats her up
like this to move into a welfare center to get
therapy is a lot of horseshit! I wouldn't do it,
would you?

38.

FEMALE PATIENT
I can't act with this.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Oh, shut up.
FEMALE PATIENT
Ron?

INT. TV STUDIO B - EMILY'S OFFICE SET


Dorothy sits behind Emily Kimberly's desk.
Julie sits across from her, sniffling into
Nurse Charles' handkerchief.
JULIE NICHOLS
[as Nurse Charles] I'm partially to blame,
Miss Kimberly. I know I'm pretty, and I use
it. I guess I shouldn't have gone to Dr.
Brewster's office so late.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Emily Kimberly] No, that's not true. Dr.
Brewster has tried to seduce several nurses
on this ward...always claiming to be in the
throes of an uncontrollable impulse. Do you
know what?
CONTROL ROOM: Ron is nervous.
RON CARLISLE
Oh-o...
EMILY'S OFFICE SET: Julie watches, as
Dorothy scribbles on a prescription pad.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Emily Kimberly] I'm going to give every
nurse on this floor an electric cattle
prod...and instruct them to just zap him in
his "badubies."
Julie can barely stifle a laugh.
CONTROL ROOM:
RON CARLISLE
Cattle prod?

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

On the monitors Dorothy can be seen picking


up the phone.
DOROTHY MICHAELS [VIDEO]
[as Emily Kimberly; into phone] Ruby. Hi, do
you want to open up the yellow pages...under
the section of Farm Equipment retail...
MONTAGE: Dorothy becomes a national
phenomeon. Letters addressed to
Dorothy/Emily; Dorothy at an elegant photo
shoot... leading to the cover of Cosmpolitan;
A nmore outrageous photo shoot...leading to
the cover of Ms.; a western photo shoot...
leading to the cover of Woman's Day; a Life
Magazine spread; an interview with George
Shalit; a photo shoot with Andy
Warhol...ending in the cover of People
Magazine; and finally all stars and stripes for
the cover of New York magazine.

EXT. NEW YORK CITY SKYLINE


MICHAEL DORSEY [V.O.]
I am Dorothy. Dorothy is me. Nobody is
writing that part. It's coming out of me

EXT. A CITY STREET


Michael is talking to George Fields, as they
make their way through the mid-day crowd.
GEORGE FIELDS
You are Michael--you're acting Dorothy.
MICHAEL DORSEY
It's the same thing. There's a woman in me.
I'm experiencing these feelings.
GEORGE FIELDS
Let's not get carried away with this...
MICHAEL DORSEY
Why can't you get me a special? Please, I
could sing as Dorothy... I could do some
monologues... I feel I have something to say
to women.

39.

GEORGE FIELDS
Listen to me, Michael, you have nothing to
say to women.
MICHAEL DORSEY
That's not true! I have plenty to say to
women. I've been an unemployed actor for
twenty years, George! You know that. I know
what it's like to sit by the phone waiting for it
to ring! Then when I finally get a job, I have
no control! Everybody else has the power and
I got zip! If I could impart that experience to
other women like me...
GEORGE FIELDS
You've got to listen to me, Michael, there are
no other women like you. You're a man!
MICHAEL DORSEY
Yes, I realize that, of course. But I'm also an
actress.
GEORGE FIELDS
Michael, I don't think we should argue about
this. I mean really...
MICHAEL DORSEY
I'm a potentially great actress. I could do
Medea, I could do Ophelia, I could do Lady
Macbeth, just like they did in Shakespeare's
day... Why don't you get the writers at the
agency... I could do a great Eleanor
Roosevelt... We can do the Eleanor Roosevelt
story!
GEORGE FIELDS
[incredulous] The Eleanor Roosevelt story?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Yes. What's the matter with that?
GEORGE FIELDS
Michael, listen, Phil Weintraub's party is
Saturday night. Let's just go. Forget it--have
a good time--have a couple of drinks. Don't
take yourself so seriously.
MICHAEL DORSEY
He never invited me to a party before.
GEORGE FIELDS
I'm inviting you--me...

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

40.

Michael squirms as Ron approaches the bar.


INT. PHIL WEINTRAUB'S PENTHOUSE
A lavish party, complete with piano player.

BARTENDER
Can I get you something?

GUEST 1
He did a fabulous job on your eyes.

RON CARLISLE
Yeah. Vodka on the rocks with a twist,
please.

GUEST 2
I can't blink for a week. Really.

Michael watches as an attractive woman


renews an acquaintance with Ron.

Michael guides Sandy through the rich and


famous.

SUZANNE
Hi.

SANDY LESTER
I don't like it here.

RON CARLISLE
Hi.

MICHAEL DORSEY
Stand up straight. What do you want?

SUZANNE
You don't remember me, do you?

SANDY LESTER
A double champagne. [noticing buffet table]
What is this? Just serve yourself?

RON CARLISLE
Yeah...yeah... When I came in the door, I
thought you looked familiar. What's your
name again?

Sandy is off to the food, leaving Michael at


the bar.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Hi.
BARTENDER
Hi. What would you like?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Give me two...
Michael is distracted by the sight of Ron and
Julie walking in the door.
BARTENDER
Two what?
MICHAEL DORSEY
...of anything.
BARTENDER
[confused] I'm sorry?
MICHAEL DORSEY
A couple of champagnes.

SUZANNE
Suzanne.
RON CARLISLE
Suzanne...hmmm...
Phil Weintraub follows Julie, as she
continues toward the terrace.
JULIE NICHOLS
Call Pamela Green, my agent.
PHIL WEINTRAUB
There's a lot of interest over at Paramount.
I'll know after the first.
JULIE NICHOLS
I'll read it after the first.
GUEST
Hi, Julie.
JULIE NICHOLS
Hi.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

PHIL WEINTRAUB
Actually, I'm not that crazy about the script.
I'm having a rewrite done and I'd like to show
you some of the changes. Maybe we could
have dinner...
JULIE NICHOLS
Call Pamela. She handles me for dinner.
Finally Phil gives up, and Julie disappears to
the terrace.
BAR: Michael is still watching Ron and
Suzanne.
RON CARLISLE
[to Michael] Do you have a light?
Michael eyes Ron up as he lights his
cigarette.
RON CARLISLE [contd]
How've you been?
SUZANNE
Great.
RON CARLISLE
Good.
SUZANNE
You look wonderful.
BUFFET TABLE: Guests are astonished as
Sandy pilfers food, wrapping it in a napkin
and stuffing it in her purse.
SANDY LESTER
Silly me, I already had dinner. I didn't know
there'd be so much food. It's for my dog...he
likes fruit...
BALCONY: Julie is alone, drink in hand,
looking at the spectacular view. Michael
appears, leans on the rail near her.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Mike Dorsey. Great view, huh? Only Phil
could afford all those lights. You know... I
could lay a big line on you... and we could do
a lot of role-playing, but the simple truth is
that I find you very interesting. And I'd like

41.

to make love to you. You know? It's as


simple...
Julie turns and hurls her drink in his face.
MICHAEL DORSEY [contd]
...as simple as that.
Michael takes it well, wiping his face on
another man's jacket.

INT. TV STUDIO B - DR. BREWSTER'S


OFFICE SET
Julie [as Nurse Charles] has John Van Horn
[Dr. Brewster] backed into his desk chair.
JULIE NICHOLS
[as nurse Charles] I understand who you
really are. And I'll no longer submit to your
petty insults and humiliations. It's not
necessary now that Emily Kimberly is here.
Now that someone who sees the truth is your
equal. Listen, doctor, I've filed charges
against you with the AMA. You'll be notified
tomorrow.
CONTROL ROOM:
RON CARLISLE
And cut it.
STUDIO FLOOR: Applause from the crew.
FLOOR MANAGER
Cut. It's a good one.
Triumphant, Julie seeks out Dorothy's
approval. Dorothy mouths the word "Perfect"
to Julie.
JOHN VAN HORN
[reaching for her] That was great.
JULIE NICHOLS
[intercepting his hands] Thanks, John.
RITA MARSHALL [V.O.]
[over loudspeaker] Lovely job. First-rate.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

42.

APRIL PAIGE
You were wonderful.

JULIE NICHOLS
He wasn't. He asked for a raise.

JULIE NICHOLS
[a look to Dorothy] Thanks to my coach.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
I'm sorry about what happened out there. I
was...a little upset...

DOROTHY MICHAELS
No, you did it yourself.
JULIE NICHOLS
Was it okay?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I loved the middle part...
Ron watches, unhappy.
RON CARLISLE
So much for the mutual-admiration society.
Let's move on to item seventeen. Jo, clear
this set. I'll need Alan, Tom and John.
Tootsie, take ten.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Ron? My name is Dorothy. It's not Tootsie or
Toots or Sweetie or Honey or Doll.
RON CARLISLE
Oh, Christ.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
No, just Dorothy. Now, Alan's always Alan,
Tom is always Tom and John's always John.
I have a name too. It's Dorothy, capital D-OR-O-T-H-Y. Dorothy. [storming off; to
another actor] Excuse me, doctor.
Ron looks at Julie, but she's off to find
Dorothy.
FUNERAL PARLOR SET: Casket. Flowers.
Julie finds Dorothy standing alone.
DOROTHY MICHAELS [contd]
Did somebody die?
JULIE NICHOLS
Violinist.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I didn't know he was that sick.

JULIE NICHOLS
Listen, what're you doing for the holidays?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Why?
JULIE NICHOLS
Well, the baby and I are gonna go up to my
dad's farm--upstate. It's not exactly the fast
lane, but it's kind of fun. Maybe you'd like to
come along? You know, since my dad met
you, he's your biggest fan.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Is Ron coming too?
JULIE NICHOLS
Would that make a difference?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
...well...
JULIE NICHOLS
Actually... I think he has to stay in town and
work. If it matters, I've always hated women
who treat other women as stand-ins for men.
It's not that, really. I'd just like you to come.

INT. SANDY'S/MICHAEL'S APARTMENTS


Michael is packing for the trip and talking to
Sandy on the phone.
MICHAEL DORSEY
[into phone] I just don't want to get up too
soon or I'll have another relapse.
Sandy is lounging on her sofa.
SANDY LESTER
[into phone] Isn't there some way we could
rehearse, and actually be in the same room
together?

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

MICHAEL DORSEY
[into phone] We will, Sandy, right after the
weekend. I'll call you Monday. Okay?
Thanks. Bye-bye. [hangs up] You know
where my pink nightgown is? With the
flowers...
We now see that Jeff is in the room, eating a
plate of lemons, watching Michael pack.

43.

EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - UPSTATE NY


A TRAIN speeding along the tracks.

EXT. NICHOLS FARMHOUSE

JEFF SLATER
Listen to me.

A working farm. Peaceful, Bucolic. A pickup


truck pulls up. Les gets out then helps Julie
and the baby out. As Dorothy pulls her
suitcases from the back, Les hurries to help.

MICHAEL DORSEY
What?

LES NICHOLS
Wait! Let me get those.

JEFF SLATER
Stop packing. Don't do this.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Oh, well, thank you.

MICHAEL DORSEY
Why?

The suitcases are much heavier than he


expected.

JEFF SLATER
You should not do this.

LES NICHOLS
Strong little thing, aren't you?

MICHAEL DORSEY
In two weeks, I'll never see Julie again, and if
I do it'll be as Michael Dorsey...and she'll
probably throw a drink in my face. Where's
my make-up kit?

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Well, no.

JEFF SLATER
How long can you keep lying to Sandy like
this?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Oh, come on, it's for her own good. I never
told Sandy that I wouldn't see other women.
Come on. And if I did tell her, it would only
hurt her feelings and I don't want to hurt her
feelings. Especially since Julie and I are just
girlfriends.

They're on their way to the front porch.


JULIE NICHOLS
Come on, Dorothy. I'll show you the house.
LES NICHOLS
Careful coming up here.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
It really is old, isn't it?

INT. JULIE'S BEDROOM

JEFF SLATER
I'm just afraid that you're gonna burn in hell
for this.

A girl's room. Canopy bed. Rose-bud


wallpaper. Les, still carrying the bags leads
them into the room.

MICHAEL DORSEY
I don't believe in hell. I believe in
unemployment...but I don't believe in hell.

LES NICHOLS
Here we are. I'll set up the crib in a second.
You girls unpack your bags and we'll...

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

44.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Wait. Are we sharing?

JULIE NICHOLS
Special up here, isn't it? I'm glad you came.

LES NICHOLS
Most of the upstairs is still shut off. Besides,
I know you girls. No matter how far apart I
put you, you'll sneak back together and
spend the night giggling.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Listen, can I tell you something?

He leaves.
JULIE NICHOLS
He still thinks I'm twelve. Which side do you
want, dorothy?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[uneasy] I think the one closest to the
bathroom.
JULIE NICHOLS
Don't worry, I won't take up much room.

Les appears, holding a sweater.


LES NICHOLS
Sweetheart? Ron is on the phone. Hi. I'm
sorry.
JULIE NICHOLS
What, Dorothy?
LES NICHOLS
Nothing...nothing...
JULIE NICHOLS
I think I'll put her down.

MONTAGE: THE FARM

LES NICHOLS
Good. [to amy] Bye-bye.

Les and Dorothy share the seat on a tractor


ride; Les shows Dorothy how to milk a cow.

Julie is off to the house with Amy, leaving


Dorothy and Les alone.

LES NICHOLS
Take it between your thumb and forefinger.
Then let every finger roll down individually.

LES NICHOLS [contd]


Gets a little chilly out here.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Like this?
LES NICHOLS
That's it, yes.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
My goodness.
The cow kicks a bit, startling Dorothy.
LES NICHOLS
You'll be all right.
Dorothy watches Julie gallop on a horse;
Dorothy holding Amy; Dorothy and Julie
prepare dinner; They all sit and have dinner
together.
LATER: It is dusk. Dorothy, Julie and Amy
sit on a large 2 seat swing.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
No, I was just...
LES NICHOLS
I brought this sweater for you.
Les wraps the sweater around her shoulders.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
That's very nice of you, Les.
LES NICHOLS
Thank you.
Instead of sitting opposite Dorothy, Les
squeezes in the seat next to her, putting
considerable strain on the swing.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I wonder if we're going to get any stars out of
the sky tonight?

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

LES NICHOLS
I've got my stars. You and Julie...
Les suddenly smacks a mosquito on his neck
causing Dorothy to immediately cover her
chest.

INT. LIVING ROOM

45.

JULIE NICHOLS
They thought they saw this elk. They stalked
it around in the dark for a couple hours.
They finally got it cornered up against
Charlie's barn. Just about the time they were
ready to blast its head off, it mooed.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
It was a cow?

Les and Julie listen while Michael plays the


piano. Les joins in, singing the last few bars.

LES NICHOLS
Enough laughing at your old man. You know
this one? [singing] "For it was Mary..."

JULIE NICHOLS
It's beautiful.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
[plunking notes] Wait a minute.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
I should've transposed it.

LES NICHOLS
"Mary..."

LES NICHOLS
It's wonderful for a lady to play piano.

Dorothy joins in on piano.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Quit. Mama insisted.

LES NICHOLS [contd]


[singing] "...long before the fashion came.
And there is something there, that sounds so
square. It's a grand old name"

LES NICHOLS
Who wants another drink?
JULIE NICHOLS
You better take it easy. Remember Injun Joe.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
What's that?

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Bravo!
LES NICHOLS
That was Julie's mother's name. Mary Juliet
Cooper.

LES NICHOLS
Don't you tell that story.

JULIE NICHOLS
Well, I'm going to bed. Well, Dorothy, you
wanna hit the hay, as they say on the farm?

JULIE NICHOLS
There's this bar Daddy hangs out in...

DOROTHY MICHAELS
I think I'll... You and... Both of you go to bed.

LES NICHOLS
I don't hang out there.

LES NICHOLS
I'll stay up. I'll stay with you.

JULIE NICHOLS
One night he and Injun Joe threw back a few
too many...

JULIE NICHOLS
Well, I'm going. Good night.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Hard liquor.

LES NICHOLS
Good night, dear.
Julie kisses her father.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

JULIE NICHOLS
Good night, Dad.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Sleep well.
JULIE NICHOLS
Be good.
Julie is gone. They're alone again.
LES NICHOLS
Nice girl, isn't she?

46.

in the first place. Which we're not. [watching


Dorothy down her drink] Can I get you
another drink?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I must keep my wits about me tonight.
LES NICHOLS
Tonight?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Well, always.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
You know I am too, actually.

LES NICHOLS
You know, I can remember years ago there
wasn't talk about what a woman was, what a
man was. You just were what you were. And
now they have all this stuff about being like
the other sex...so you can all be the same.
Well, I'm sorry, but we're just not. Not on a
farm, anyway. Bulls are bulls, and roosters
don't try to lay eggs.

LES NICHOLS
Really?

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Never.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yes.

Les takes his wedding picture from the


mantel.

LES NICHOLS
I'm sorry. Please, sit down.

LES NICHOLS
My wife and I, we were married a lot of years.
People got it all wrong, you know. They say
your health is the most important thing. But
I can lift this house off the ground. What
good is it? Being with someone. Sharing.
That's what it's all about... Julie tells me
you're not married.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Very sweet...very sweet...
LES NICHOLS
I'm kind of glad Ron didn't come up.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Thank you.
LES NICHOLS
I thought you'd be more like one of them
"liberators."
They sit in front of the fire.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
You know, I'm not really like the woman on
the show. I mean, that's just a part...I'm not
all that militant.
LES NICHOLS
Don't get me wrong. I'm all for this equal
business. I think women ought to be entitled
to have everything and all, et cetera. Except,
sometimes I think what they really want is to
be entitled to be men. Like men are all equal

DOROTHY MICHAELS
No.
LES NICHOLS
Like another drink?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
No.
LES NICHOLS
You sure?

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yes. Oh, well, you know what? I think it is
about that time.
LES NICHOLS
Thanks for staying up and talking.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Don't you mention it.
LES NICHOLS
You have beautiful eyes.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Oh, well, thank you. Good night, Les.
Dorothy offers her hand to shake. When Les
tries instead to kiss it, she removes it
quickly, and scampers off to bed.

INT. BATHROOM
Dorothy is into her suitcase.

INT. JULIE'S BEDROOM


Dorothy appears from the bathroom in a
nightgown, her wig set with curlers. She tries
to sneak into bed.
JULIE NICHOLS
Daddy's a little out of touch, isn't he?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
No. Very sweet, very sweet.
JULIE NICHOLS
He sees things pretty simply. You're either
happy or unhappy. Married or not married.
There's nothing in between. I tried to get him
to take out other women after Mama died
but...
DOROTHY MICHAELS
You know, she must have been a very special
person.

47.

JULIE NICHOLS
I guess so. I don't remember her very well. I
remember her helping me pick out this
wallpaper. I'd chosen one with great big,
purple flowers on it. And she said to
me..."Just remember that once you choose
it... it's gonna cover the walls of your room
for a long, long time." So I tried to imagine
what those big, purple flowers would look
like...on all the walls of my room...every
night when I was falling asleep...and every
morning when I was getting dressed. So I
said to her, "Which one would you choose?"
And she said, "The one with the daisies and
the little rosebuds...because daisies are such
homey flowers...and rosebuds are so cheerful
and always waiting to bloom."
DOROTHY MICHAELS
That's lovely.
JULIE NICHOLS
I made a million plans looking at this
wallpaper. I was always waiting for these
rosebuds to open.
Michael is moved. He reaches over to gently
stroke Julie's hair.
JULIE NICHOLS [contd]
That's nice. My mother used to do that too,
sometimes.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Good night, Julie.
JULIE NICHOLS
Good night, Dottie.
Michael rolls over...but his wig doesn't roll
with him. The back is now the front.

EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - UPSTATE NY


The train speeding back to Manhattan.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

INT. TV STUDIO - GREEN ROOM


Actors are waiting, passing time.
LOUDSPEAKER [V.O.]
Cathy Campbell, please call your office.
Van Horn is pestering Dorothy for acting
tips...
JOHN VAN HORN
It says "cool." Don't you think I should be
angry? Doesn't it play better that way?
...but Dorothy's eyes are on the monitor. She
is eavesdropping on Ron and Julie having a
discussion in Studio B.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yes. Why don't you try that?
April enters with a box of chocolates,
handing them to Dorothy.
APRIL PAIGE
This just came to our dressing room for you.
I think it's from Julie's father.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Oh, my!
APRIL PAIGE
Now don't you dare eat any of those. You
don't want to ruin that cute figure of yours.
JOHN VAN HORN
What a thoughtless present to give a woman.
Chocolates!
LOUDSPEAKER [V.O.]
Dorothy Michaels, Rita Marshall's office.
Dorothy Michaels.

48.

RITA MARSHALL
You know, Dorothy, you're a complicated
lady. On the one hand, you're a real pain in
the ass. I've got one of the most expensive
directors in soaps--I owe myself a quarter-and you've got him defensive and hostile.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I don't mean to.
RITA MARSHALL
However, we're getting two thousand letters a
week...and we've picked up three share
points. And it's largely due to you. You are
the first woman character who is her own
person. Who can assert her own personality
without robbing someone of theirs. You're a
breakthrough lady for us. We're picking up
your option. You'll be with us for another
year. Congratulations.
Though we're looking at Dorothy, we know it
is Michael that takes a huge gulp.

INT. GEORGE'S OFFICE/CONTROL ROOM


George is at his desk, immersed in contract
figures, talking to Dorothy on the phone.
GEORGE FIELDS
[into phone] Come on, Michael. What do you
mean, get you out of it? I can't get you out of
it. There's no way out of it. It's a one way
option--theirs.
CONTROL ROOM: The room is empty,
except for Dorothy, frantic on the phone.
MICHAEL DORSEY
[into phone; as Michael] What are you
talking about? Who gave them that?
GEORGE'S OFFICE:

INT. TV STUDIO RITAS OFFICE


Rita sits behind her desk, studying some
papers.

GEORGE FIELDS
[into phone] You did. You signed a standard
contract.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

49.

CONTROL ROOM:
MICHAEL DORSEY
[into phone; as Michael] I signed a contract,
but I didn't know I was gonna be working for
the rest of my life as a woman!
GEORGE'S OFFICE:
GEORGE FIELDS
[into phone] I know it, but you gotta find
some way to make it work. [checking figures]
Look, they're willing to pay. They're gonna go
from six-fifty to eight-fifty an episode.
CONTROL ROOM:
MICHAEL DORSEY
[into phone; as Michael] You get me out of
this. I don't care how you do it, or I'm gonna
to go in right now and tell them.
GEORGE'S OFFICE:
GEORGE FIELDS
[into phone] Tell them what? That you
deliberately put an entire network on the
spot? That you're making a fool out of
millions of American women every day?
They'll kill you! Look, I've got a Secretary out
there wants to be like Dorothy Michaels. I'm
ready to fire her. Michael, we're talking major
fraud here. Major fraud! You can't tell them.
What about me? You think anybody is gonna
believe I wasn't in on this? I mean, they'll kill
me.
CONTROL ROOM: Frustrated, Michael has
taken the receiver from his ear as George
continues his rant.
GEORGE FIELDS [V.O.] [contd]
Come on, this is not like ruining yourself
walking out on some play. This is ruining me
too.
GEORGE'S OFFICE:
GEORGE FIELDS [contd]
You can't do it, Michael. You gotta make it
work.

INT. MICHAEL & JEFF'S LOFT


Exhausted, ready for bed, Michael is popping
a pill into his mouth.
JEFF SLATER
Can you take that many Valium?
MICHAEL DORSEY
We'll see.
JEFF SLATER
You know, maybe there's a morals clause in
your contract. Perhaps if Dorothy did
something really filthy or disgusting, they'd
have to let you go... But I really can't think of
anything filthy and disgusting that you
haven't already done on your show.
Phone rings.
JULIE NICHOLS [V.O.]
[on answering machine] Dorothy, it's Julie.
There's sort of an emergency
Michael sighs. This is the last thing
he wanted to hear.
JULIE NICHOLS [V.O.] [contd]
Well, it's not really an emergency...but if
you get a chance, would you call me?

INT. JULIE'S APARTMENT


Julie is worked-up, pacing, drinking wine.
Dorothy follows.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Are you sure you wanna do this?
JULIE NICHOLS
No, but I'm going to. I've been fooling myself
about Ron for too long now. I guess I really
wanted you here for moral support. Although
I actually did fire Mrs. Crawley today. I really
did. Do you want a drink?

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

DOROTHY MICHAELS
I'm not the one breaking up with Ron.
JULIE NICHOLS
I'd buy a ticket to that. You have influenced
me though, Dorothy. I've been seeing Ron
through your eyes.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Julie, I don't want that responsibility.
JULIE NICHOLS
Why not? Why shouldn't you influence me?
You wouldn't compromise your feelings like I
have. You wouldn't live this kind of lie, would
you?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Well, no, I wouldn't. But...
JULIE NICHOLS
Of course not. And you're right. It's just... I
deserve something better, you know. I don't
have to settle for this. I really don't. It's just
that I've always been too lazy or too scared or
too something...
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Don't be so hard on yourself.
JULIE NICHOLS
What the hell? I'll live, won't I? Maybe not
happily, but honestly. Sounds like something
you'd say.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
You mustn't idealize me. Honesty, in many
ways, is a relative term.
JULIE NICHOLS
Listen, my father's coming. If he calls, don't
say anything about this, okay? He's driving
down tonight. I'm sure he's gonna want to
see you.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Me?
Doorbell.

50.

JULIE NICHOLS
Oh, God! It's Ron. Oh, Dorothy, God bless
you. Wish me luck now.
Julie gives her a quick peck.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Always.
JULIE NICHOLS
I feel that little moustache. You should put
some makeup on it.
Julie opens the door, letting Ron inside.
RON CARLISLE
Hi.
JULIE NICHOLS
Hi.
RON CARLISLE
How're you doing? [noticing Dorothy] What's
going on?
JULIE NICHOLS
Dorothy's gonna sit with Amy. I'll be right
back.
RON CARLISLE
Okay.
Julie disappears down the hallway, leaving
Ron and Dorothy alone.
RON CARLISLE [contd]
Hi, honey. You don't mind if I call you honey
when we're not working, do you? [pouring
glass of wine] Nice dress.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Thank you.
RON CARLISLE
You don't like me, do you? I mean, I can
respect that...but there's not many women I
can't make like me. Why don't you like me?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I don't like the way you treat Julie.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

RON CARLISLE
Oh?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I don't like the way you patronize her, I don't
like the way you deceive her, I don't like the
way you lie to her.
RON CARLISLE
What do you mean?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
You want me to go on?

51.

JULIE NICHOLS
Dorothy, she never wakes up. But in case
she does, there's applesauce in the fridge.
You can just give her a couple spoonfuls and
I'm sure she'll... Are you sure you'll be okay?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Don't be silly. How much trouble can a baby
be? Go on.
LATER: Dorothy comes flying out of the
bedroom holding a screaming Amy. She tries
running very fast circles to clam her down.

RON CARLISLE
No, I know what you mean. Look, Dorothy, I
never promised Julie I'd be exclusive--I never
said I wouldn't see other women. It's just
that I know she doesn't want me to see other
women...so I lie to her to keep from hurting
her.

DOROTHY MICHAELS [contd]


It's okay. Oh, it's okay. Oh, please don't cry.
Please don't cry... Oh, I love you. Look how
much fun we're having...

DOROTHY MICHAELS
That's very convenient.

DOROTHY MICHAELS [contd]


It's all right. It's all right. [as Michael] It's
okay. It's Uncle Dorothy.

RON CARLISLE
No, wait a minute. Look at it from my side.
See, if a woman wants me to seduce her...I
usually do. But then she starts pretending
like I promised her something. Then I
pretend I did. In the end, I'm the one that's
exploited.

AMY'S BEDROOM: Dorothy is still holding


Amy, but she refuses to stop crying.

DINING ROOM: Dorothy sits and holds her.


Same result.
DOROTHY MICHAELS [contd]
[as Michael] Please don't cry. Please don't
cry. Please...

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Bullshit, Ron! You know what? I understand
you a lot better than you think I do.

AMY'S BEDROOM: They are on the floor.


Dorothy is trying every toy in the room to
placate her.

RON CARLISLE
Really?

DOROTHY MICHAELS [contd]


Oh, come on. Oh, here's funny clown. Funny
clown's talking to... Look. Come on, Amy.
Hello, Amy... [as Michael] Amy, give me a
break, will you?

Julie reappears with her coat.


JULIE NICHOLS
I'm ready.
RON CARLISLE
Well, Julie's ready.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
She sure is.
Ron leads Julie to the door.

KITCHEN: Dorothy has the baby food out.


Amy is covered with it.
DOROTHY MICHAELS [contd]
Here, come on. Will you eat some more now?
You told me to open up this one. Now this is
apri... [finally getting the spoon in her
mouth] Gotcha! Gotcha! You want a little
more apricot? [food hitting her] Don't do that

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

anymore. Don't do that to Aunt Dorothy.


You'll go to sleep after this. Just try this one,
and then I'll put you... [more food hits her] I
don't like you. [as Michael] It's not funny.
LATER: Dorothy scrubs baby food off the
wall.
DOROTHY MICHAELS [contd]
[as Michael] Amy, look at this... She'll
probably have to paint the kitchen.
BATHROOM: They're cleaning up. Michael
hands Amy a mirror.
DOROTHY MICHAELS [contd]
Here, look at yourself. You see what a bad
girl looks like?
BEDROOM: Toys are everywhere. Amy is on
the floor, quietly playing. Dorothy sits in a
corner, passed out.

52.

DOROTHY MICHAELS [contd]


Julie? Tell the truth now. Are you sure you're
all right?
JULIE NICHOLS
No.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Why?
JULIE NICHOLS
Who am I going to have dinner with? Oh,
God! I hate myself for being like this. You
know something funny?
Dorothy joins her on the sofa.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
What?

JULIE NICHOLS
Dorothy?

JULIE NICHOLS
And I don't want you to take this the wrong
way. But since I met you, I'm so grateful to
have you as a friend...and yet...I've never felt
lonelier in my whole life. It's as though I
want something that I just can't have. You
know what I mean? Do you?

DOROTHY MICHAELS [O.S.]


I'll be right there.

The look at each other a long time...until


Dorothy leans in to kiss her.

Dorothy appears from the bedroom, put back


together again.

JULIE NICHOLS [contd]


[stunned] Dorothy?!

JULIE NICHOLS
How's Amy? She any trouble?

Julie jumps out of the way, letting Dorothy


fall to the floor.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Oh, not at all. She was an angel. Are you all
right?

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Julie! My God! Let me explain.

LIVING ROOM: Julie enters.

JULIE NICHOLS
Fine.

JULIE NICHOLS
Please, don't say anything.

Julie peeks in on Amy.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
There's a reason.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
What's the matter?

JULIE NICHOLS
I understand the reason.

Julie sulks to the sofa.

Julie works hard at keeping the furniture


between her and Dorothy.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

53.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
No, no, no! That reason's not the reason.
See, I'm not the person you think I am. Just
wait a minute now...

JULIE NICHOLS
Tell him.

JULIE NICHOLS
Nobody is.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Tell him what? That I...

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Please.

...but finds only a corncob to hold to her ear.

JULIE NICHOLS
Dorothy, it's me.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
No, it's me.
JULIE NICHOLS
No, it's me.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
No, it's me.

Julie reaches blindly to answer the phone...

DOROTHY MICHAELS [contd]


That's a corncob.
She quickly replaces the corncob with the
receiver.
JULIE NICHOLS
[into phone] Hello? Hi, Dad... Fine... I'm here
with...uh...Dorothy... I can't tonight, Daddy.
But wait... [hand over receiver; to Dorothy]
You've got to see him. I don't care what you
do, just don't lead him on.

JULIE NICHOLS
No, it's me. I'm just not well-adjusted
enough. I'm sure I've got the same impulses-I mean, obviously, I did have the same
impulses...

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Please don't make me do this.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Don't jump to conclusions about that
impulse. That impulse is a good impulse,
Julie. If you could just see me out of these
clothes...

DOROTHY MICHAELS
I can't.

JULIE NICHOLS
No, no no!

Julie holds out receiver. After a moment


Dorothy relents.

Julie has fallen back onto sofa.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
[into phone] Hello? Hi, Les. I'm fine. How are
you...? Tonight, sure. Tonight?

DOROTHY MICHAELS
What? What?
Phone rings.
JULIE NICHOLS
That's my father! You've got to tell him.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Tell him?

JULIE NICHOLS
You gotta let him down gently.

JULIE NICHOLS
You owe me that.

INT. A DANCE CLUB


Crowded. Couples dancing. Les and Julie
squeeze into a booth. A WAITER takes their
order.
LES NICHOLS
What'll you have?

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Just water.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
I could tell at once.

LES NICHOLS
Water and bourbon.

A couple dance over to them to fawn.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Make that a straight scotch.
LES NICHOLS
Scotch and bourbon.
The Waiter leaves.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I'd like to...
LES NICHOLS
Let's dance.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
What?

54.

MAN
Emily, we love you.
WOMAN
You're fabulous!
MAN
Just wonderful. Wonderful. You're even
prettier in person.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Thank you.
Les spins Dorothy, but she ends up facing
the wrong way.

LES NICHOLS
It's my favorite dance.

LES NICHOLS
I'm sorry. I forgot that you're on your feet all
day. Come on, sit down.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Oh, really, I don't dance.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yes, I think we should stop.

Les drags her onto the dance floor.

Les leads her back to the booth.

LES NICHOLS
You'll love it.

DOROTHY MICHAELS [contd]


Thank you.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
What?

LES NICHOLS
Thank you. I was real happy you could come
out tonight. I know you usually got a lot of
lines to learn.

LES NICHOLS
Follow me. Follow me.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Please, I don't... You know what? I'd...really,
I'd rather not.
LES NICHOLS
Just relax.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
You're very good.
LES NICHOLS
My wife and I took a course.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
There's something I'd better say.
LES NICHOLS
There's something I want to say too.
Wouldn't it be funny if we both said the same
thing?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
It'd would be hilarious. But I don't think
what I have to say is what you have to say.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

LES NICHOLS
Well, mine's pretty simple. I'm not too good
with words anyway. I only took two pictures
in my whole life...my high school graduation
and my wedding. And my wife stood next to
me in both. Now I never thought I'd want
anybody to fill her place. All that changed
last weekend.

EXT. MICHAEL & JEFF'S BUILDING

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Lester...

DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Michael, under his breath] This is a
nightmare.

LES NICHOLS
Lesley.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Lesley...
LES NICHOLS
Don't interrupt me. I gotta do this in one go
or I won't get through it. I know this is kind
of quick, but that's how I am. Never did
believe in not getting down to it.
Dorothy gasps, as Les opens a box
containing a wedding ring.

55.

Dorothy drags herself from a cab. Refuge, at


last...until John Van Horn appears from the
shadows.
JOHN VAN HORN
Dorothy?

JOHN VAN HORN


Don't be angry with me. I just had to talk to
you.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
How'd you know where I live, John?
JOHN VAN HORN
I followed you home last night.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
What? Followed me home?

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Oh! Oh, no...no...

JOHN VAN HORN


I didn't have the courage to talk to you on
the phone without seeing your face. Could I
come up for a drink?

LES NICHOLS
[taking her hand] Don't say anything now, I
know it's fast. But take time to think about
it.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
No, you cannot come up! I have a terrible
headache.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Please...

JOHN VAN HORN


Please! I'll only take a tiny moment of your
time.

LES NICHOLS
If you say no, at least I'll feel you took me
seriously enough to think about it.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Would you mind? I just need to be alone. I'd
like to start thinking it over as soon as
possible.
Dorothy is up and off, leaving Les a little
bewildered.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
No! I'll see you on the set tomorrow and we'll
talk about it. [from building doorway] Go
home. Have you been drinking?
Dorothy disappears into the building. Not
giving up, Van Horn scans the windows,
looking for a light to come on.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

INT. MICHAEL & JEFF'S LOFT

DOROTHY MICHAELS
What?

Dorothy trudges in, eager to start her


transformation back into Michael. After a
moment, she thinks she hears something.
Rushing to the window she looks below to
find:

JOHN VAN HORN


I'm just an untalented old has-been.

THE STREET BELOW: John Van Horn is


serenading her with song.

JOHN VAN HORN


No.

JOHN VAN HORN


[singing] Suddenly, I'll know When my love
comes along I'll know, then and there...

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Then how can you be a has-been?

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Shhh! Are you out of your cotton-picking
mind? Come on up! I'm on the third floor!
Hurry before someone calls the cops! Jesus!

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Were you ever famous?

JOHN VAN HORN


I love the way you never let me get away with
anything. [downs the drink] Dorothy...
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yes?

INT. MICHAEL & JEFF'S LOFT

JOHN VAN HORN


I want you.

Reluctantly, Dorothy lets Van Horn through


the door.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
I beg your pardon?

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Come in, but you can just stay a minute.

JOHN VAN HORN


I've never wanted a woman this much!

JOHN VAN HORN


Can I have a drink? Anything alcoholic will
do. Just one drink and I'll be on my way.

Van Horn grabs her, a struggle ensues.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Oh, all right, but I...
As Dorothy pours a quick drink, Van horn
checks his reflection in a piece of mirror
hanging over the sink.
JOHN VAN HORN
Nice mirror.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Here... [handing him drink] What is it that
couldn't wait, John?
JOHN VAN HORN
Dorothy...

56.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Please, John, please! Perhaps another time.
JOHN VAN HORN
Don't turn me away, it'll kill me!
DOROTHY MICHAELS
It's not you personally--I don't want to get
involved emotionally at this time.
JOHN VAN HORN
Then I'll take straight sex.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I don't want to hurt you.
JOHN VAN HORN
I don't mind.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

57.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
Oh, shit!

guy wanted me. You cannot believe the night


I have had tonight!

They are startled by the door swinging open.


Van Horn releases Dorothy, as Jeff enters.

JEFF SLATER
I think I can imagine.

DOROTHY MICHAELS [contd]


John Van Horn, Jeff Slater. Jeff Slater, John
Van Horn.

MICHAEL DORSEY
No, no, you can't. I saw the look in his eyes. I
was in big trouble. If you don't come in, I'm
in the Daily News the next day.

JEFF SLATER
How do you do?
JOHN VAN HORN
How do you do? I'll be going.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I think it's best.
Embarrassed, Van Horn starts for the door.
JEFF SLATER
Gee, I hope I haven't...
JOHN VAN HORN
No, I hope I haven't... I want you to know, for
the record, Jeff, that nothing happened here
tonight.

JEFF SLATER
How did you ever let him in?
MICHAEL DORSEY
What do you mean how'd he get in here? He
was singing.
JEFF SLATER
Is he that good a singer? What do you...?
A knock on the door.
MICHAEL DORSEY
That's him! That's him! Tell him I'm in the
bedroom crying. Don't let him in!
A Voice from the other side of the door.

JEFF SLATER
Thank you, John.

SANDY LESTER [O.S.]


Michael.

JOHN VAN HORN


I'm sorry, Dorothy. I didn't understand. I'm
really sorry. Please don't talk about this.

MICHAEL DORSEY
It's Sandy.

DOROTHY MICHAELS
My lips are sealed.
Jeff watches Van Horn slip out the door,
then turns on Dorothy.
JEFF SLATER
You slut!
Michael collapses in a chair, removing wig
and earrings.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Look, look, look, don't start in with me. Don't
do that. Rape is not a laughing matter. That

JEFF SLATER
Sandy? It's Sandy!
Michael runs to the bedroom, pulling off
clothes.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I can't let her see me like this.
SANDY LESTER [O.S.]
I hear you in there.
HALLWAY: Sandy pounds the door.
SANDY LESTER [contd]
Jeff, open the door. It's me, Sandy. Open the
door!

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

58.

LIVING AREA: Jeff scrambles to hide


Dorothy's clothes.

LIVING AREA: Jeff is now pulling his own


clothes off.

JEFF SLATER
Sandy, is that you?

MICHAEL DORSEY [O.S.] [contd]


Turn on the water! It's stuck! I got soap in
my eyes and there's no water coming out!

SANDY LESTER
Yes!
JEFF SLATER
What time is it? I fell asleep, I guess. I was
having a nightmare and...uh...You were in it.
[turning on kitchen faucet] ...uh...Mike is in
the shower.
BEDROOM: Michael is still pulling off
clothes.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I'm in the shower! I got soap in my eyes! I'll
be right out!
LIVING AREA: Jeff is unbuttoning his
clothes.
JEFF SLATER
I'm not dressed. All my clothes are in the
other room. I was asleep. I was dreaming. It's
funny, you were in my dream. You had big
teeth...
HALLWAY:
JEFF SLATER [O.S.] [contd]
...but you were still a nice person.
SANDY LESTER
I had big what?
LIVING AREA:
JEFF SLATER
I gotta get something on. I'll be right back.
SANDY LESTER [O.S.]
Are you having a party or something?
BATHROOM: Michael is in the shower,
scrubbing furiously.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I'm in the shower!

SANDY LESTER [O.S.]


Michael!?
BATHROOM: Michael is still scrubbing.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I can't come out with soap in my eyes!
HALLWAY:
SANDY LESTER
Jeff, open the door!
LIVING AREA: Jeff appears from his
bedroom with a towel wrapped around
himself.
SANDY LESTER [O.S.] [contd]
I can hear you in there, you guys. Open the
door! Michael, open this...
Jeff pushes the door open non-chalantly.
JEFF SLATER
The door was open.
Sandy enters, annoyed.
SANDY LESTER
You must think I'm really stupid or
something.
JEFF SLATER
No one would call you stupid to your face.
SANDY LESTER
Jeff, I've been out there for ten minutes. It
sounded like you guys were having a party in
here or something.
JEFF SLATER
Well, Mike was in the shower. [turning off
faucet] You know.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

59.

Michael appears from the bedroom in a robe,


drying his hair.

SANDY LESTER
You treat me like I'm a jerk.

MICHAEL DORSEY
Hi, I was taking a shower.

MICHAEL DORSEY
What are you talking about?

JEFF SLATER
He was in the shower. Good shower?

SANDY LESTER
I called you every night and you didn't return
my phone calls...

MICHAEL DORSEY
Good shower.
SANDY LESTER
Why haven't you returned my phone calls,
Michael?

MICHAEL DORSEY
No, it's... It's my new answering machine--it's
no good. I'm going to answer my own phone
calls. I went to six stores to get you your
favorite kind. Chocolate-covered cherries...

JEFF SLATER
Since I'm awake, I think I'll go do some
writing. Excuse me.

SANDY LESTER
[overlapping] ...chocolate-covered cherries?
[taking box] That's sweet. Oh, and a card...

Jeff disappears to his bedroom.

Sandy opens the card.

MICHAEL DORSEY
Wait, I'll be back. I got a present for you.

MICHAEL DORSEY
No, no, no! Don't, don't read it! I was very,
very, very angry when I wrote that!

Michael disappears to his bedroom.


SANDY LESTER
Pigs!
Michael reappears, carrying the box of
chocolates from Les.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I'm glad you came over. I've been meaning to
give this to you. [offering chocolates] Here.
This is for you.
SANDY LESTER
I suppose this means nothing is wrong, huh?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Nothing is. Is it?
SANDY LESTER
Well, Michael, I've called you every night this
week and you haven't returned my calls.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Really?

SANDY LESTER
[reading card] "Thank you for the lovely night
in front of the fire. Missing you, Les." This
isn't even for me. [throwing card at him] This
is another girl's candy.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I wouldn't give you another girl's candy. I
swear.
SANDY LESTER
Well, then, whose is it?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Mine.
SANDY LESTER
A guy named Les is sending you candy?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Yes. He's a friend of mine. He can't eat
candy. He's diabetic.
SANDY LESTER
Why is he thanking you for a lovely night in
front of the fire?

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

MICHAEL DORSEY
My mind's a blank.
SANDY LESTER
Michael, are you gay?
MICHAEL DORSEY
In what sense?
SANDY LESTER
Michael, just be honest with me. Tell me the
truth! For once in your life tell me the truth!
Because these stories they are very
demeaning to me... [calming herself in a
chair] No matter how bad the truth it it
doesn't tear you apart inside like dishonesty.
Dishonosty! At least it leaves you with some
self-respect and some dignity.
MICHAEL DORSEY
You're right... [sitting with her] Okay. Okay.
I'm not gonna lie to you anymore. I'm gonna
tell you the truth. Sandy...I'm in love with
another woman.
Sandy's scream is blood-curdling. She is up
and throwing a tantrum. It is obvious she no
longer has a problem with anger.
SANDY LESTER
What are you saying to me?!
MICHAEL DORSEY
Sandy, please. Don't...
SANDY LESTER
You liar! Why do you do this to me...
MICHAEL DORSEY
We never said "I love you." We went to bed
one time.
SANDY LESTER
I don't care.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Sandy, you're one of the dearest friends I
ever had. But let's not pretend it was
something else or we're gonna lose
everything we had!

60.

SANDY LESTER
I never said "I love you." I don't care about "I
love you!" I read The Second Sex... I read The
Cinderella Complex! I'm responsible for my
own orgasms! I don't care! I just don't like to
be lied to!
MICHAEL DORSEY
You asked me to be straight with you.
SANDY LESTER
I knew this was right. I didn't tell you how I'd
feel about it though, did I?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Please, tell me what can I do?
SANDY LESTER
There's nothing you can do for me. I just
have to feel like this until I don't feel like this
any more...and you're gonna have to know
that you're the one that made me feel this
way! Schmuck!
MICHAEL DORSEY
Are we still friends?
SANDY LESTER
No, we're not friends! I don't take this shit
from friends, only from lovers.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Wait a minute, wait a minute! What about
the play?
SANDY LESTER
Yes, what about the play? I think I should
tell you to shove your play. But I won't,
because I never allow personal despair to
interfere with my professional commitments.
I am a professional actress! [after catching
her breath] So, are these real chocolatecovered cherries?
MICHAEL DORSEY
I think so.
She tucks them under her arm and starts for
the door.
SANDY LESTER
See you at rehearsal.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

61.

MICHAEL DORSEY
Oh, Sandy...

GEORGE FIELDS
Oh, that's not so good, Michael.

SANDY LESTER
Don't call me.

MICHAEL DORSEY
Look, I gotta get back to my life. Now you've
got wall-to-wall lawyers in that office, right.
There must be some kind of way to get me
out of this show now.

She slams the door on her way out.

INT. GEORGE FIELDS' STUDY


A rumpled, bathrobed George Fields sits
behind a desk, sipping vodka. Michael paces
the room.
GEORGE FIELDS
It's two o'clock in the morning, Michael, can't
this wait?
MICHAEL DORSEY
I don't care what time it is, man. You've got
ten days to get me off this show. I have had
it.
GEORGE FIELDS
It's impossible.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Then I'm getting a new agent, George. I've
had it with you.
GEORGE FIELDS
What are you doing...you hurt my feelings.
What happened?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Yes, yes, she thinks I'm gay. I told her about
Julie and she thinks I'm gay.
GEORGE FIELDS
Julie thinks you're gay?
MICHAEL DORSEY
No, my friend Sandy. I mean it's crazy...

GEORGE FIELDS
We've been through this a million times...
MICHAEL DORSEY
Why can't I die? Why can't Dorothy have an
accident? I mean, we can use our
imaginations. This isn't the toughest
problem...
GEORGE FIELDS
You want to kill somebody and bring back
the stiff, that's okay, but she'd better look
exactly like you because I'll tell you
something those people don't miss a trick.
MICHAEL DORSEY
These are nice people--these are good people,
George.
GEORGE FIELDS
Something is... What is weird about you...
Since when do you care so much about what
other people feel?
MICHAEL DORSEY
I mean if I didn't love Julie before, you
should have seen the look on her face when
she thought I was a lesbian.
GEORGE FIELDS
Lesbian? You just said "gay."
MICHAEL DORSEY
No, no, no. Sandy thinks I'm gay. Julie
thinks I'm a lesbian.

GEORGE FIELDS
Well, sleep with her and she'll...

GEORGE FIELDS
I thought Dorothy was supposed to be
straight.

MICHAEL DORSEY
I slept with her once and she still thinks I'm
gay.

MICHAEL DORSEY
Dorothy is straight. Les, the sweetest, nicest

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

62.

man in the world, tonight asked me to marry


him.

STAGE FLOOR: Everyone relaxes.

GEORGE FIELDS
A guy named Les wants you to marry him?

LOUDSPEAKER [V.O.]
We're gonna take a short break, people.

MICHAEL DORSEY
Yeah. No, wants to marry Dorothy.

RITA MARSHALL
Hold it, hold it! Slight change of plans,
children. Our future ex-tape editor has just
spilled a bottle of celery tonic all over the
second reel of the show airing today. So we
have to redo Emily's party scene, live.

GEORGE FIELDS
Does he know she's a lesbian?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Dorothy's not a lesbian!

Everyone is on the move.

GEORGE FIELDS
I know that, but does he know that?

VOICE
Live?

MICHAEL DORSEY
Know what?

RITA MARSHALL
Quick, quick like little bunnies. You have
twenty-six minutes. Get into wardrobe and
reset.

GEORGE FIELDS
That...well...I don't know.
MICHAEL DORSEY
You know he gave me a ring? He gave me a
diamond ring.
GEORGE FIELDS
What did you say?
MICHAEL DORSEY
What do mean what did I say--I said "I gotta
think it over." I went into the ladies' room--I
almost pissed in the sink. I'm in trouble,
man!

INT. STUDIO B - CONTROL ROOM


ASST. DIRECTOR
Thirteen's up. Ready fourteen... Widen E.
Pull three to one-thirty.
RON CARLISLE
Cut it.
ASST. DIRECTOR
Stop tape.

JOHN VAN HORN


But Rita...
RITA MARSHALL
Don't worry about it, John, you've only got a
few lines.
JOHN VAN HORN
Well, I don't see why we can't use the tape.
Just because it's a little sticky.

INT. STUDIO B CORRIDOR


Dorothy approaches Julie's dressing room,
holding a gift-wrapped box. Julie can be
heard through the door.
JULIE NICHOLS [O.S.]
Explain to them that the hours have to be
flexible.
Dorothy knocks.
JULIE NICHOLS [O.S.] [contd]
No...and, well I would...

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

The door opens, revealing Julie on the


phone. The sight of Dorothy unnerves her
slightly.
JULIE NICHOLS [contd]
[into phone] Can I call you back? Thank you.

63.

JULIE NICHOLS [VIDEO]


[as Nurse Charles] I don't care how you get
there. This is the most important night in
Emily's life. We're all going to be there to
honor her, including you.

Julie hangs up. Dorothy offers the present.


JULIE NICHOLS [contd]
My God, Dorothy! I just... Really, I can't.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
It's for Amy.
JULIE NICHOLS
Oh, thanks. That's nice.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Julie, I don't know how to say this, but...
JULIE NICHOLS
I wish you wouldn't. I understand that you
weren't able to tell my dad last night. So I
think it'd be better for all of us if I tried to
explain it to him. Look Dorothy, I wouldn't be
honest if I didn't tell you how much you've
meant to me these past couple weeks. You
taught me how to stand up for myself
because you always stand up for yourself.
You taught me to stop hiding and just be
myself...because you're always yourself. And
I'm grateful to you. But...well, I just... I just
can't see you anymore, you know? I just feel
that it would be leading you on. And it
wouldn't be fair to you. I really love you,
Dorothy. But I can't...I can't love you.
She closes the door on Dorothy.
FLOOR MANAGER [V.O.]
Places, everybody. Immediately!

INT. TV STUDIO B - CONTROL ROOM


They are watching the tape of Julie, as Nurse
Charles on the monitor.
ASST. DIRECTOR
Fifteen seconds to commercial.

INT. TV STUDIO B
Cameras & technicians scrambling about.
ASST. DIRECTOR [V.O.]
Stand by. Quiet, please, on the floor. Stand
by. Twenty-two and twenty-three come down
to eighteen. Hold it. That's good.
The Floor Manager starts the count.
FLOOR MANAGER
Five, four, three...
The last two counts are silent as she cues
the actors.
LIVING ROOM SET: The actors are all
dressed in evening wear, and hold drinks.
Dorothy stands at the top of a long curved
staircase.
HOSPITAL OFFICIAL
Let's all raise our glasses to our guest of
honor, Miss Emily Kimberly.
Applause from the party guests, she is
flattered.
HOSPITAL OFFICIAL [contd]
Emily, we're looking forward to having you
grace us with your presence...for many years
to come.
LES NICHOL'S KITCHEN: Les sits at the
kitchen table, eating a sandwich, watching
the show on a portable.
MICHAEL & JEFF'S LOFT: Jeff lounges in
a chair, watching the show and applauding
along with the party guests.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

DOROTHY MICHAELS [VIDEO]


[as Emily Kimberly] Thank you, Gordon. I
cannot tell you all how deeply moved I am.
SANDY'S LIVING ROOM: Sandy sits on the
floor, watching the show, scowling.
DOROTHY MICHAELS [VIDEO] [contd]
[as Emily Kimberly] I never in my wildest
dreams imagined that I would be the object
of so much genuine affection.
Dorothy steals a look below at Julie.
CONTROL ROOM: Ron is worried.
RON CARLISLE
Oh-o...
LIVING ROOM SET: Dorothy descends a
few steps.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Emily Kimberly] It makes it all the more
difficult for me to say what I'm now going to
say... Yes...I do feel it's time to set the record
straight. You, see, I didn't come here just as
an administrator, Dr. Brewster. I came to
this hospital to settle an old score.

64.

RON CARLISLE
Oh, no! Not live.
ASST. DIRECTOR
Get her back to the prompter.
RITA MARSHALL
Let's see where she goes.
DOROTHY MICHAELS [VIDEO]
[as Emily Kimberly] He drove my mother to
drink.
LIVING ROOM SET:
DOROTHY MICHAELS [contd]
[as Emily Kimberly] In fact, she went riding
one time and lost all her teeth.
CONTROL ROOM:
RITA MARSHALL
What? What?
RON CARLISLE
Oh, Christ!
LIVING ROOM SET: The other actors are
cringing in anticipation.

DOROTHY MICHAELS [O.S.]


[as Emily Kimberly] Now, you all know that
my father was a brilliant man, he built this
hospital...

DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Emily Kimberly] And the oldest daughter,
the pretty, charming one, became
pregnant...when she was fifteen years old
and was driven out of the house. In fact she
was so terrified that, that, that the baby
daughter would bear the stigma of
illegitimacy...she decided to change her name
and she contracted a disfiguring disease...
After moving to Tangiers, Which is where she
raised the girl as her sister. But her one
ambition...

LIVING ROOM SET:

CONTROL ROOM: Ron is a beaten man

DOROTHY MICHAELS [contd]


[as Emily Kimberly] ... what you don't know
is to his family he was an unmerciful tyrant.
An absolute dodo bird.

RON CARLISLE
Any preference of shots on this one, Rita?

CONTROL ROOM:

DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Emily Kimberly] ...was to become a

CONTROL ROOM:
RON CARLISLE
What score?
STUDIO FLOOR: The tension is palpable
among the crew.

LIVING ROOM SET:

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

nurse. So she returned to the States and


joined the staff right here...at Southwest
General. [as Emily Kimberly] She worked
here and she knew had to speak out
wherever she saw injustice and inhumanity.
God save us, you do understand that, Dr.
Brewster?
JOHN VAN HORN
[as Dr. Brewster] I never laid a hand on her.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Emily Kimberly] Yes, you did. And she
was shunned by all you nurses too.
CONTROL ROOM: Things are getting
frantic.
RON CARLISLE
[into intercom] Give me something, one. Not
backs. Two and three go left and right. No,
two go left! Three go right!
STUDIO FLOOR: Frantic cameras are
slamming into one another.
CONTROL ROOM: The Asst. Director has
had enough and tosses his script in the air.
LIVING ROOM SET:
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Emily Kimberly] Her outspokenness
threatened you doctors. But she was deeply,
deeply, deeply loved...by her brother.
CONTROL ROOM:
RITA MARSHALL
Her brother?
LIVING ROOM SET:
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Emily Kimberly] It was this brother, who
on the day of her death... swore to the good
Lord above that he would follow in her
footsteps. And, and, and, and, and...just,
just, just, just just...
CONTROL ROOM:

65.

RITA MARSHALL
Don't, don't, don't panic.
DOROTHY MICHAELS [VIDEO]
[as Emily Kimberly] ...owe it all up to her!
But on her terms!
CONTROL ROOM:
RON CARLISLE
God, here come the terms.
LIVING ROOM SET:
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Emily Kimberly] As a woman...and just as
proud to be a woman...as she ever was... For
I am not Emily Kimberly... [pulling off glasses
and eyelashes] The daughter of Dwayne...and
Alma Kimberly... No, I'm not... [pulling off
wig, revealing himself as Edward Kimberly]
I'm Edward Kimberly, the reckless brother of
my sister Anthea!
Julie and Van Horn are speechless.
SANDY'S LIVING ROOM: She screams.
CONTROL ROOM: All are stunned.
RON CARLISLE
Holy Christ!
LIVING ROOM SET: With a towel Michael is
wiping away the last of Dorothy Michaels.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Edward Kimberly, who's finally vindicated
his sister's good name.
STUDIO FLOOR: A Technician faints away.
LES NICHOL'S KITCHEN: Les tries to take
a bite from a sandwich that isn't there.
MICHAEL DORSEY [VIDEO] [contd]
I'm Edward Kimberly. Edward Kimberly...
CONTROL ROOM:
RITA MARSHALL
I'll be damned.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

MICHAEL DORSEY [VIDEO]


...not mentally ill...but proud...
LIVING ROOM SET:
MICHAEL DORSEY [contd]
[to Julie] ...and lucky and strong enough to
be the woman that was the best part of my
manhood. The best part of myself.
JEFF & MICHAEL'S LOFT: Jeff, feet up,
browsing a book.

66.

EXT. SYRACUSE PLAYHOUSE


A converted barn, of course. A large sign
proclaims "The Love Canal by Jeff Slater,
starring Michael Dorsey & Sandy Lester."

EXT. BAR - UPSTATE NEW YORK


A pick-up truck pulls up. Les climbs out and
enters the bar.

JEFF SLATER
That is one nutty hospital.
CONTROL ROOM:

INT. BAR - UPSTATE NEW YORK

RON CARLISLE
I knew there was a reason she didn't like me!

A few patrons, mostly rural. A pool table and


a boxing match on TV. Les enters and moves
to his usual stool.

ASST. DIRECTOR
Commercial.
RON CARLISLE
Cut it!
ASST. DIRECTOR
Cut!
LIVING ROOM SET: Distraught, hurt, Julie
slowly crosses to Michael and punches him
in the stomach...then storms off.

LES NICHOLS
Hey, Robert.
CUSTOMER
Hi, Les.
Les orders a beer and relaxes. Michael slides
down the bar and takes the stool next to
him. It takes a moment, but Les eventually
recognizes him with a scowl.

JOHN VAN HORN


Does Jeff know?

MICHAEL DORSEY
[puts ring box on bar] I thought you'd want it
back.

EXT. CENTRAL PARK

LES NICHOLS
[his eyes on the TV, pushing ring back]
Outside. Give it to me outside.

Michael walks thoughtfully through the


park. He takes his misery out on a balancing
MIME, interrupting his routine with a push
to the ground.

Michael takes the ring back. Eventually Les


looks at him.
LES NICHOLS [contd]
Why'd you do it?
MICHAEL DORSEY
I needed the work.
LES NICHOLS
The only reason you're still living is because I

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May


never kissed you. I hope you enjoyed the
chocolates.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I gave them to a girl.
LES NICHOLS
So did I, I thought. Do you like them?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Chocolates?
LES NICHOLS
Girls!
MICHAEL DORSEY
I like Julie. I think I love Julie.
LES NICHOLS
Wearing a dress is a funny way to show it.

TOOTSIE

67.

MICHAEL DORSEY
[to Bartender] Can I have a couple of beers?
[a moment] Does Julie ever mention me?
Les can't stay mad at him and gives him an
affectionate punch on the arm.

EXT. TV STUDIO
Mid-day. Busy. Julie emerges, alone.
JULIE NICHOLS
Taxi!
She signs autographs...until she notices
Michael leaning against a car. She turns and
walks away. Michael runs to catch-up.

MICHAEL DORSEY
I know. I apologize.

MICHAEL DORSEY
Hi. [silence] I saw your father. I drove up to
see him in that bar he hangs out at.

LES NICHOLS
The truth is, you were okay company.

JULIE NICHOLS
He doesn't hang out there.

MICHAEL DORSEY
So were you.

MICHAEL DORSEY
Oh, yeah. I forgot. How's Amy?

LES NICHOLS
I could have done without the dancing.

JULIE NICHOLS
Fine.

MICHAEL DORSEY
You know, you're very good.

MICHAEL DORSEY
Your dad and I had a couple of beers and
shot a good game of pool. We had a really
good time together. How's it going?

LES NICHOLS
I'm seeing a real nice woman now.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Oh, really?

JULIE NICHOLS
Terry Bishop's back on the show. April lost
her radiology license...

LES NICHOLS
You think I didn't check her out?

MICHAEL DORSEY
I meant with you.

MICHAEL DORSEY
Can I buy you a beer?

JULIE NICHOLS
I know what you meant. So you're pretty hot
after your unveiling, Michael. What's your
next triumph?

LES NICHOLS
You got six bits. Yeah.

Gelbart, McGuire, Schisgal & May

TOOTSIE

68.

MICHAEL DORSEY
Well, I'm going to do this play with a couple
of friends of mine up in Syracuse...

MICHAEL DORSEY
I'll loan it to you, but you gotta give it back.
It's my favorite...

JULIE NICHOLS
Good. I've gotta catch a cab, Michael.

JULIE NICHOLS
What are you gonna use it for?

And she is moving off.

She hits him on the shoulder. Buddies, they


walk off into the Manhattan mid-day crowd.

MICHAEL DORSEY
Julie? Can I call you sometime? Look, I don't
want to hold you up. I just did it for the
work. I didn't mean to hurt anybody.
Especially you.
JULIE NICHOLS
I miss Dorothy.
MICHAEL DORSEY
You don't have to. She's right here. And she
misses you. Look, you don't know me from
Adam...but I was a better man with you, as a
woman...than I ever was with a woman, as a
man. You know what I mean? I just gotta
learn to do it without the dress... At this
point in the relationship there might be an
advantage to my wearing pants.
Finally Julie allows herself to crack a smile.
MICHAEL DORSEY
The hard part's over, you know? We were
already...good friends.
JULIE NICHOLS
Will you loan me that little yellow outfit?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Which one?
JULIE NICHOLS
The Halston.
MICHAEL DORSEY
The Halston? Oh, no! You'll ruin it. You'll
spill wine all over it.
JULIE NICHOLS
I will not.

THE END

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