C--LAUDIA

D.N.S.

CENTRO CULTURAL
PALACIO
LA MONEDA
CENTRO DE
DOCUMENTACiN
ARTES VISUALES
Todos los derechos reservados. Prohibida la reproduccin parcia l y/o total. Conforme a la Ley
sobre Propiedad Intelectual en Chile.

~1 7 .336

 Claudia Donoso y Paz Errzuriz

Zona Editorial
Av . Condell 1328, Santiago de Chile

I nscri pcifnlRegistration
ISBN W 956- 7111-01-.1
Primera edicin/ First edition
Se ptiembre 1990

Ninguna parte de esta publicacin , incluido el diseo de la cubierta,

puede ser rr producida, almacenada o transmitida
de manera alguna ni por ningn medio, ya sea elctrico, qumico,
mecnico, pti co, de grabacin , de fotocopia u otro,
sin permiso previo de los editores .

No part of this publication, including the design of the cover,

can be reproduced, stored or transmited in any way,
by no means, e1ectric, chemical, mechanical or optical in word ing, photocopyi ng
or others, without previous permit from the ed itors.

Ed icin I Edited by
JUA~ ANDRES PI A

Traduccin al ingls I English traslation by

GONZALO DONOSO YAEZ
Impresin/ Printed by
Imprenta \" Litografa Talllarros S.A .
Ri vadavia 6770-A . San Ramn
Sant iago de Chile.
Im preso en Ch il e I Print ed in Chile

LA MANZANA DE ADAN

ADAM'S ApPLE

PAZ

ERRAZURIZ

FOTOGRAFIAS-PHOTOGRAPHS

CLAUDIA

DONOSO

TEXTO - TEXT

LA MANZANA DE ADANfue elaborado por la periodista Claudia Donoso y la fotgrafa

Paz Errzuriz, entre 1982 y 1987. Seguimiento de larga duracin basado en el c(}ntacto,
este libro recoge la historia de una convivencia entre las autoras y una familia
de homosexuales prostitutos formada por los hermanos Eve y Pilar, y la madre de ambos,
a quien est dedicada esta obra. El seguimiento transcurri en un perodo de dictadura
militar, elemento que pone de relieve todava ms a un tema situado en un confn de
precariedad extrema, para, desde ah, dar cuenta de una parte de la historia chilena
reciente. Talca y Santiago, el prostbulo y la crcel, son los lugares por los que transitan
estos protagonistas, en constante mudanza de residencia, nombre, ropaje, sexo y pareja.
Al menos dos aspectos significativos destacan en el presente libro. Por una parte,
la indagacin en una zona prcticamente intocada de la marginalidad, y, por otra, la
conjuncin establecida entre los textos y las fotografas: se trata de algo ms que de una
mera complementacin entre ambas expresiones. Un mismo tono narrativo, una simultaneidad de la accin de registro, provocan este ensamble narrativo distinto y desconocido
haste este momento. As, por ejemplo, las virutas gramaticales de masculinidad que
asoman en las confesiones de los travestis ("nosotras/nosotros", "enamorada/enamorado") son equivalentes en el aspecto visual a esa delatora manzana de Adn que se oculta
con una cinta de terciopelo negro en el cuello.
La ambivalencia que recorre el tejido de imgenes y relatos perturba al lector, al
hacerlo mirar y escuchar por el hueco de la cerradura; pero este voyerismo no ser
gratuito, puesto que lo enfrentar con seas de su propia identidad. Si los textos dejan
hablar sin intervenciones a los travestis -donde se enlazan los temas del amor, el desamparo y la muerte-, las imgenes dan cuenta de la situacin de esos cuerpos.
Exploracin antropolgica, cultural, social, literaria, visual y poltica, LA MANZANA
DE ADAN fabrica un especfico modo narrativo, cmplice con el tema que aborda. Aqu
no se encontrar esa previsible mirada sensacionalista que habitualmente se realiza desde
afuera, sino una suerte de juramentacin de las autoras con los protagonistas de este
documento.
4

Juan Andrs Pia

was prepared by the joumalist Claudia Donoso and the photographer Paz Errzuriz between 1982 and 1987. A documentary based on a long period
01 personal contact, this book tells the story 01 a close Iriendship between the authors
and a lamily 01 homosexual prostitutes made up 01 the brothers Eve and Pilar and their
mother, to whom the book is dedicated. The documentary details were collected during
the years 01 the military dictatorship, a lact which serves to bring into even sharper locus
an extremely delicate subject which bears witness to one aspect 01 recent Chilean history.
The Chilean cities 01 Talca and Santiago with their brothels and jails are the haunts 01
these protagonists, who are constantly moving around and changing their names, clothing,
sex and partners.
At least two significant aspects stand out in this book. First, its introspection into
a practically untouched area 01 marginality, and, second, the interaction between the
texts and the photographs. There is something more than just a complementarity between
the two lorms 01 expression. The same narrative tone, the simultaneousness 01 action,
make this narrative ensemble innovative. Thus, lor example, the grammatical traces 01
masculinity that appear in the stories told by the transvestites about their lives (such as
uncertainty in the use 01 the masculine lorm 01 "we" in Spanish) are the verbal equivalent
01 the betraying Adam's apple hidden beneath a black velvet ribbon at the neck.
The ambivalence reflected in the interweaving 01 images and stories disturbs the
reader, lorced to look and listen through the keyhole; but he will have to pay lor this
voyeurism, in that it will conlront him with signs 01 his own identity. While the texts
allow the transvestites to speak without interruption about the intertwined subjects 01
love, abandonment and death, the photographs allow the reader to look at their bodies.
An anthropological, cultural, social, literary, visual and political exploration,
ADAM'S ApPLE creates a specilic narrative mode in complicity with its subject-matter.
There is no room here lor the predictable, sensationalist view usually taken from the
outside. Rather, it is a sort 01 tacit understanding between the authors and the protagonists
01 this documentary.
Juan Andrs Pia
ADAM'S ApPLE

CLAUDIA DONOSO es periodista chilena. Desde 1980 ha sido redactora en

diversas publicaciones nacionales, entre las que se cuentan las revistas Hoy,
Apsi y Mundo Diners. En la actualidad es periodista independiente. Desde
1984 trabaja junto a Paz Errzuriz experimentando con la relacin entre fotografa y texto.
CLAUDIA DONOSO is a Chilean journalis!. Since 1980 she has worked as
editor for a number of Chilean publications, including the magazines Hoy,

Apsi and Mundo Diners. She is at

present an independent journalist, and
has been collaborating with Paz Errzuriz since 1984 in experiments with
the relationship between photography
and tex!.

PAZ ERRAZURIZ es fotgrafa chilena, y

su trabajo ha sido descrito como un
documento social de la realidad nacional. Ha expuesto extensamente en su
pas y el extranjero. En el perodo
1986-1987 obtuvo la beca John Simon
Guggenheim, gracias a la cual pudo
terminar este libro. Actualmente trabaja en un vasto proyecto sobre la marginalidad social.
PAZ ERRAZURIZ is a Chilean photographer, and her work has been described
as a social document of the realities of
Chilean life. She has exhibited her work
extensively in Chile and abroad. In the
period 1986-1987, she was awarded a
John Simon Guggenheim fellowship,
thanks to which she was able to complete
this book. She is currently working on a
major project on social marginality.
7

A Mercedes,
Requiscat in Pace

TAL

A,

1 9 8 4.

PRO S T 1 B U L

o L

JA

U L A

NOS LLEVARON A TODAS A UN BARCO

Al chico Lucho se lo llevaron y no aparece hasta hoy da. Era duefjo de una casa en la calle
San Pablo. Los milicos se la incendiaron. Para el golpe estbamos con la Leila en Valparaso y
nos llevaron a todas a un barco que haba arraigado en el puerto. Nos llevaron all con los ojos
vendados en una camioneta. Seis das estuve ah amontonado, con los otros en un hoyo. Lo
primero que hicieron los milicos fue cortarnos el pelo, que nos arrancaban de raz y despus nos
orinaban encima. Nos pegaron tanto. A la Tamara y a la Tila las colgaron de un cordel y las
daban vueltas, las hacan girar. Nos amenazaban con tirarnos al mar. Eramos como treinta
homosexuales arriba del barco. Nos fueron soltando de a poco.
Mataron a varias para el golpe. A la Mariliz, que era bien bonita, igual a la Liz Taylor, la
mataron. Fue para la Navidad. Su cuerpo apareci en el ro Mapocho, entero clavado con
bayonetas. No eran cortaplumas porque en el Instituto Mdico Legal nos dijeron: '.'Estas no son
cortaplumas. Son bayonetas". A la Viviana y a la Juanita las llevaron para el cerro San Cristbal.
Ah aparecieron. Nosotras vimos cuando las sacaron del prostbulo: "Ya", dijeron los milicos,
"ustedes dos para afuera".
(Pilar)

MEJOR ME METO A TRABAJAR DE MOZO

Yo dije qu hago con los nervios? Era una de balaceras. Mejor me meto a trabajar de mozo,
pens, y me fui al barrio alto a una mansin fabulosa. Aprend a servir la mesa con guantes
blancos y a alternar con los ricos. Tena dormitorio con televisin.
Pero la pista estaba pesada porque seguan baleando a los chiquillos. Junt plata y me fui
a Calama y despus me fui a Bolivia a la boite Maracaibo. A los pocos das me lleg carta en
la que me contaban que haban asesinado a la Mariliz.
(Suzuki)

SE GANA MAS CON EL CUERPO QUE CON EL BAILE

De mi casa me fui con un chiquillo que venda huevos. Venda huevos en un canastito y me
11

dijo: "Vmonos que mi mam me pega tanto". Mi mam tambin me pegaba a m, porque yo

era cola, as es que vendimos los huevos y nos largamos a los prostbulos de Antofagasta con la
Margarita Jeny. Cuando cumpl la mayora de edad, hice mi temporada donde la Carlina y saqu
carn de artista; trabaj en el Blue Ballet y me puse ms profesional. Tengo bikini, tengo capa,
traje de rabe y de espaola. Antes tena muchos ms trajes que me compr en Bolivia, que es
ms pobre y ms barato que Chile. Ac es muy cara la pedrera. Me gusta hacer show porque
siempre he bailado, pero se gana ms con el cuerpo que con el baile. El arte es muy mal pagado.
(Suzuki)

YO NO ERA ASI, TAN DIABOLICA

La Carlina no est muerta. Todava tiene que pagar muchos pecados. Ahora vive encerrada en
su casa, pero no tiene estilo para el barrio alto, porque usa pintora y hawaianas. Se ve insignificante.
Pasan los vendedores y le dicen: "Seora, llame a su patrona". La confunden con su propia
empleada.
Yo no le tengo buena. Se muri la Paty, un travesti que haca de maestra de ceremonias.
Llevaba ms de veinticinco aos en el prostbulo y tuvimos que hacer una colecta para enterrarla.
La vieja mand a decir que ella no tena nada que ver con esas cosas y que nos arreglramos
entre nosotras. No fue capaz de mandar ni un ramo de flores.
A m me tuvo cinco aos de cenicienta, lavando vasos y me daban las once de la maana
dorando la peineta sin haberme acostado. Yo senta envidia de los colas, porque se lucan como
locas y la vieja no me dejaba vestirme de mujer: "T soi empleado y estai aqu para lavar los vasos y
para atenderme a m. No tens nada que hacer con las artistas". Pero yo igual me iba escondida
a bailar al saln y me ocupaba con los clientes, hasta que un da me te el pelo rubio, me hice
un buzo transparente y ella tuvo que aceptarme. Lavando vasos y mirando, aprend personalidad,
porque antes yo no era as tan diablica. La Carlina era buena profesora, porque a cada una le
tomaba el rumbo y le enseaba a comportarse. Le sacaba revlver a la que se le pusiera por
delante. Dejaba todo con llave. Te revisaba las uas, los calzones, para ver que uno anduviera
limpio. Yo todo lo que s, lo aprend ah.
(Pilar)
12

ME DIERON UNA PROPINA MARAVILLOSA

Yo me aburra de tener que andar cuidndome tanto. Me pill que no me haba lavado: "Esta
camilera que me sali rota", y me persegua por el patio con una luma.
A veces llegaban hombres regios, que hablaban de todo, de las noticias. Ah es donde mora
yo. La seora Carlina me ayudaba: "Leila, hoy da viernes, hubo partido de tenis sabes quin gan?"
"No tengo idea, seora". Entonces ella me contaba para que yo tuviera tema con los clientes.
Llegaban y yo: "Mi amor, te caes muerto quin gan el partido de tenis: Per".
Haba unos colas cursis que se rean de m. Decan que vivan en las Torres de Tajamar, con
auto a la puerta; as le decan a los clientes. Una vez lleg un matrimonio estupendo: "Te damos
una propina fabulosa si nos muestras tu auto". "Ven para ac", les dije yo y le ped a la Chica
Amalia, que era una cojita que estaba en la puerta, que me abriera. Afuera haba una carreta
con caballos de los gallos de la Vega que van a La Palmera: "Mi amor, mira para all: se es mi
taxi. Y sabes, mi amor? Yo no soy tan estupenda. Vivo en una poblacin superpobre con mi
madre, no en las Torres de Tajamar, como todos esos mentirosos". Me felicitaron y me dieron
una propina maravillosa.
(Leila)

NI ROPA SE COMPRAN
Cuando yo fui del ambiente, tomaba en las puras noches. Es bonita la prostitucin pero para la
vejez, es amarga. Cuando una es joven y linda, todo va bien, pero con la edad vienen los
reproches. Yo les digo a los chiquillos que junten plata, que no malgasten, que depositen en el
banco, pero no entienden. La Leila, el otro da, me sali a tomar en la maana. Anda a acostarte,
Leila, reponte para la noche, le digo yo, pero sa no para ms cuando se aplica. Cuando se ponen
muy veleidosas, les pego o las encierro en una pieza con llave. Yo estoy feliz con ellos y cuando
hay problemas, los castigo. Algunos son agradecidos, otros no. Pero la plata se la toman. Ni
ropa se compran.
Cuando puse esta casa, me llamaron inmediatamente de Investigaciones. Te vamos a dejar
13

trabajar con los chicos, me dijeron: "Te vamos a dejar trabajar con los maricones, pero no queremos
ningn escndalo de robo y al maricin que llegue, me lo mandai para ficharlo". Aqu, todos

estn pasados por Sanidad, as que nadie puede reclamar que ha salido enfermo: dos millones
cuatrocientas mil unidades de Bencetacil, cada quince das, contra las enfermedades venreas
y todos con el carn al da.
La otra noche llegaron los carabineros y me pasaron un parte. Preguntan: "Y? Cmo andamos
de trago?". Bien, les digo yo. Haba cuarenta botellas. Se llevaron diez. Aqu en Talca estamos
tranquilos: en Santiago se hubieran llevado todo.
(Maribel)

A QUIEN TE GUSTARlA ENTREGARLE TU CORONA

"Mi nombre es Leila York Smith y represento a Talca". Eramos seis y a m me interesaba quedar
entre las tres finalistas. Yo estaba concursando por primera vez y haba visto la eleccin de Miss
Vivaceta, Miss Maip y Miss Brasil. La Pilar me anunci muy bien, pero yo me sent demasiado
nerviosa porque no tena tema para conversar si me hacan preguntas. Sal para todas partes a
vender votos. Inclusive fui al centro de Talca, donde unos conocidos que venden cosmticos.
Cuando me preguntaron: Leila, a quin te gustara entregarle tu corona?, dije yo que al pblico
presente: "Al pblico presente que me ha brindado montones de amistad y a Talca porque para
m ha sido maravilloso, estupendo y a ellos les debo mi cmputo". No alcanc a terminar las
palabras que tena que decir y me aplaudieron y me puse a llorar y se me corri un poquito la
pintura.
(Leila)

LA COLA ARRANCO TODA PRENDIDA

14

Una ser fea, pero tiene ms modos. Los gestos de mujer no se aprenden, son innatos. Hay unos
que se pasan aos vestidos de mujer y son ahombradas, como la Doris. A la Doris le dicen La
Chora Daniela, cmo ser de fea. Es un choro pintado, pelada al cero y con peluca. Bailaba con
la Carola que era una cabrona de San Antonio y hablaban en coa. La Chora Daniela cantaba
todas las canciones de Lucho Barrios y usaba cassette: dientes postizos. Una vez se los sac y
los dej tirados encima del mesn. Con mi comadre, se los escondimos y la hicimos llorar todo
el da: "Entrguenme el cassette, que en la noche me toca hacer show". Era cmica y a todo el

mundo le colocaba nombre. La anunciaban como a La Cholita del Pem. Esa cola era igual a la
Mara Ruiz Tagle y cuando sali Allende, hicimos el cambio de mando en la Carlina con la
Yvonne, que era parecida a la Tencha. En vez de banda presidencial, le pusimos un papel
confort y una maldadosa le prendi un fsforo. La cola arranc toda prendida.
(Pilar)

UNO TIENE QUE VEST IR A DOS PERSONAS

La Dbora es loca porque tiene veintitantos. Ella se luce, pololea toda la noche y al da siguiente
no tiene ni un diez. Para m, lucirme ya pas de moda. Lo que hacemos es un trabajo y una
obligacin, porque adems uno tiene que vestir a dos personas: a un hombre y a una mujer.
(Chichi)

NO TODOS COMPRENDEN LA VIDA QUE LLEVAMOS LOS DOS

Yo saba que ella no era mujer. Nos conocimos en una bote y despus nos fuimos a su casa.
Desde entonces hemos estados juntos siempre. Hemos viajado por todas partes. De Santiago,
nos fuimos a Puerto Montt. A ella la contrataron como bailarina y a m como garzn. Yo era
uniformado. El servicio militar lo hice en Arica. Siempre me gustaron los milicos. Ser militar es
una cosa que se lleva en la sangre. Todos debemos respetar a nuestra patria y estar atentos a
cualquier eventualidad. Si el pas requiere de mis servicios en caso blico, yo sencillamente
digo: "Aqu est mi pecho". La juventud de ahora no respeta a su bandera y dentro de los
chilenos hay enemigos: los terroristas. De poltica no entiendo, ni me gustara entender tampoco.
Trabaj en el Ministerio de Defensa, de civil. En el grupo mo nos conocamos hasta la manera
de pisar. Me dieron de baja, porque tuve problemas con un capitn. Me insult y nos fuimos de
palabras. Cuando me encontr con la Viviana yo estaba solo. Con mi familia no cuento para
nada. Hemos estado dos veces a punto de separarnos con Viviana, pero no hemos podido. Es
una cosa muy fuerte. A veces nos enojamos, peleamos, como toda pareja. No todos comprenden
la vida que llevamos los dos.
(Conviviente)
l

LA QUE SE SALVA SE SALVA

Llega la comisin y no te preguntan ni cmo te llamas. Te ven parada en la calle y te tiran
adentro del furgn. Nos pegan por bonitas, nos pegan por feas, porque te pintas o porque no te
pintas. "Por qu te vests de mujer, huevn, si soi tan ronca", me dicen a m siempre. A la Nirka
le pegan porque tiene busto y le queran cortar el pezn. Con tijeras le cortaron las pestaas. A
la Suzuki la otra vez la manguerearon a las tres de la maana en el patio de una comisara. Nos
hicieron hacer show y a la Suzuki la desnudaron y la hacan abrir y cerrar las piernas.
Cuando allanan, llega la micro de pacos, frena y se bajan de a veinte. Ah nosotras nos olvidamos
de todas las rivalidades; ah es donde somos ms amigas. Nos tomamos las manos de miedo,
rezamos, imploramos, para que no nos pase nada. La que se ocupa de colocar la tranca en la
puerta es la que ms se arriesga. Entonces hay que cortar las luces y arrancar a esconderse a
la caleta. Hay que arrancar por los tejados y empieza la ley de la selva: la que se salva, se salva.
Los pacos patean la puerta, la echan abajo: "Adnde se metieron estos maricones culiados, hay
que matarlos, hay que exterminarlos a todos". Te pillan y te aforran. Una vez me escond debajo
de un catre, cuando veo dos bototos de paco: "Sale de ah, no ms, si no te va a pasar nada".

y yo salgo y me aforran. Da lo mismo ser decente que arrancar y cuando te pescan te preguntan:
"Y por qu no te arrancaste, maricn de mierda". Lo rompen todo. Hacen tira las puertas, los
muebles, las pelucas, te roban la plata, te revisan todo. Por eso andamos todas enfermas de los
nervIOs.
(Pilar)

AQUI TODAS TENEMOS CICATRICES

No tienen hora para llegar. Yo no s cmo nunca me hicieron tira ni el televisor ni la radio.
Aqu, en Talca vivimos con los nervios ms relajados. Antes yo estaba gorda, pero los nervios
me comieron entera. Ya perd la cuenta de las veces que he estado en la crcel. Caer presa ha
sido de los sufrimientos ms grandes y el segundo ha sido por mi familia. Yo ya s que no puedo
volver. Menos ahora que estoy acostumbrada a pintarme todos los das y a congeniar con los
16

clientes para ganar. Yo por plata hago cualquier cosa. Me muestran un billete y yo vuelo. Si
uno es cola hay que saber trabajar. La Evelyn es hermosa, linda, pero es tiesa de carcter. Yo

siempre me he vestido bien provocativa: no me miraran la cara, pero me miran el cuerpo. Si

tuviera algn dinero, me pondra prtesis para tener busto, pero hormonas jams porque quitan
el deseo sexual.
Yo me miro al espejo y s que no paso por mujer. El maquillaje tapa los desperlectos y si
es posible trato de cambiar en un cien por ciento. Pero yo s que no cambio. Pero me fascina
echarme pintura, ponerme tacos y vestido. Yo te salgo con las uas pintadas a todas partes.
Vestida de mujer, me siento ms realizada, ms segura. La vida me la he ganado pintndome.
Si me toca un cliente con buen fsico, me voy a sentir regia, voy a sentir el sexo. Eso s
que no me ocupo por amor. Nunca falta el huevn que no te quiere pa~ar. Una vez me sali uno con
pistola. Tambin me han amenazado con cortaplumas y cuchillo. Aqu todas tenemos cicatrices.
En el momento se te quita el miedo. La mente queda en blanco y yo pienso: si me eliminan,
que me eliminen altiro. No conviene trabajar con mujeres prostitutas. Se ren de una yeso cohbe
al cliente. Claro que las mujeres nunca le van a ganar a un cola porque nosotras tenemos ms
ideas para estar en la cama. Los hombres me han dicho: las mujeres no tienen ningn brillo. El
hombre tiene el pensamiento muy desarrollado para esa clase de cosas y la buscan a una porque
tiene ms fantasa. Yo les digo: te hago una francesa, hacemos cosas ricas, te chupo los pies.
Yo para el amor, soy degener. A los hombres que me excitan les chupo hasta los dedos.
Tengo 21 aos y llevo cinco trabajando en casas de ambiente. Uno no se levanta siempre
con el mismo carcter. Amanece enojada. Me gusta estar encerrada sola en una pieza, sin que nadie
me moleste. No soy bueno para la lectura. Prefiero ver televisin o escuchar msica, pero lo que
ms me gusta es estar sola, encerrada. La mayora de las veces me pongo a pensar en mi familia.
Me gustara vivir una vida normal, estar tranquilo, levantarme y acostarme a mis horas. Si me
dijeran, ndate a trabajar a un negocio o aunque fuera de empleada, yo me ira, pero para uno
es difcil, porque la ven que es cola y no le dan trabajo. Claro gue si eso resultara, uno no
tendra lo que tiene cuando se viste de mujer.
Uno piensa en el futuro y es eso lo que la aterra. Si fuera posible me gustara juntar dinero
y cortar a los 30 o a los 35. Pasada esa edad, hay colas que se dedican a la costura, a empleadas,
17

pero la mayora queda botada en la calle, alcoholizada. Ninguna puede decir que es realmente
feliz en este trabajo. En el fondo, somos todas unas desgraciadas. Como a una le fascinan los

hombres, cuando llega a viejo se siente rechazada. A lo que le tengo miedo es a cmo voy a
morir, porque aqu en el ambiente a una la pueden matar, como les ha pasado a muchas. Otras
llegan a viejas y se matan ellas mismas.
(Andrea Polpaico)

NO TIENE TRUCOS
Yo y la Maribel hemos bailado juntas. Me cans demasiado porque lo mo es afrocubano. Hay
que reconocer las cosas: Maribel baila maravilloso, baila lindo. Hace striptease total, te hace la
tijera, se abre de piernas y t no le ves nada; todo natural, sin pao, desnudo total. No tiene trucos.
(Leila)

Los plidos lunares que marcan el inicio de las cejas de Mercedes Sierra absorbieron toda mi
atencin la primera vez que la vi en el prostbulo de Talca donde, en 1984, pas una temporada
acompaando a Pilar-Keko, uno de sus hijos travestis prostitutos. Esos lunares impresionaron
mi memoria como si fueran una clave por descifrar.
Llegamos a Talca una noche de julio. A la salida de la estacin de trenes est encaramada
sobre una columna de cemento supuestamente en ruinas, una loba romana. La estatua seala
el final o el principio de una de las avenidas de esta ciudad de provincia, donde a comienzos
de siglo se acu el dicho Talea, Pars y Londres, un chiste que sus habitantes se toman
muy en serio. Rmulo y Remo rodaron mamando en el terremoto de 1985, un ao despus
de nuestra estada en La Jaula, el prostbulo de Maribel, que tambin se convirti en escombros
con el sismo.
Colgadas de las olvidadas seas que Pilar le haba transmitido a Paz, llegamos al barrio de La
Sota, que result quedar cerca de la loba talquina. La presencia de un furgn de carabineros
frente a la puerta del prostbulo desminti la imagen que nos haban pintado de Talca como la
ltima zona en Chile donde los travestis no son acosados por la polica. Esperamos en un almacn
que el furgn desapareciera y preguntamos por Pilar.
Ya era tarde. Pilar sali a la calle maquillada y vestida. Qued claro inmediatamente que
gozaba de la especial estima de Maribel, la cabrona ex prostituto travesti de La Jaula que nos
ech una mirada y autoriz nuestro ingreso. Pilar haba invitado a Paz a la eleccin de Miss
Jaula 84, y ah estbamos.
Caminamos en la oscuridad hacia el fondo del pasillo paralelo al de la boite, y desembocamos
en un patio estrecho al que daban varios cuartos cerrados con cadenas y candados. El territorio
particular de Maribel constaba de dos ambientes: dormitorio y cocina. All encontramos a Mercedes
Sierra.
Maribel consider que lo ms seguro era que alojramos en su cama de dos plaza. Enfatizaba
su intencin de protegernos encerrndonos con llave todas las noches. Ella se guardaba una
copia y nosotras, otra.
Nos integramos a la rutina del prostbulo. Cuando bamos a la boite (de unos diez metros
'9

de largo por tres de ancho), nos ubicaban junto a Mercedes en una esquina. Una muestra de

aceptacin por parte de los travestis amigos de Pilar, fue advertirnos respecto de los robos y se
ofrecieron para cuidarnos los bolsos. All la luz no era ideal para hacer fotografas y no era
posible abusar del flash, pues corramos el riesgo de molestar a los clientes que no se diferenciaban
en nada de los parroquianos que habamos visto en otros bares y en prostbulos de mujeres. Pilar
nos asegur, no sin cierto desprecio, que en su mayora eran huasos de la zona. Varios clientes
afirmaron que en los prostbulos de travestis el consumo de alcohol "sale ms barato" y que "los
colas son mucho mejores pa'l hueveo que las mujeres". Parecan habituados a la situacin y,
adems de tomar, bailaban apretado.
Despus de su show de odalisca, Andrea Poi paico fue requerida por un cliente para bailar bolero.
Ella lo arrastr hasta un costado de la pista, le meti una mano en el marrueco y la otra en el
bolsillo trasero del pantaln. Leila nos hizo fijarnos en la escena y cuando Andrea Polpaico
termin su operacin, nos dijo: "Un muerto. Yo sapeo cuando le roban a un gallo y tambin robo
cuando el cliente no es conocido, pero hay algunas que cuando lo hacen le dejan el muerto a
una y yo no estoy para cargar con muertos ajenos".
Una noche Pilar nos present a sus conocidos del barrio de La Sota. Con su traje mini imitacin
pantera y sus zapatos de taco alto, reparta saludos que de da no encontraban muchos interlocutores.
En uno de los locales donde bail cumbia con Rosa -un travesti prostituto que haba sido expulsado
de La Jaula por Maribel-, estuvimos al borde de una situacin que pudo haber terminado mal.
Pilar nos llev a un prostbulo regentado por una cabrona que nos invit a tomar unos tragos.
En vista de la buena acogida, Paz le dijo que deseaba fotografiarla y sac la cmara. La mujer
se encoleriz y Pilar nos mir espantada: nos haba advertido que la cabrona era buena para los
puetes, sobre todo cuando estaba borracha. El temor nunca expresado de que cualquier desajuste
terminara con nuestra pretendida inmunidad, esta vez s tena fundamento. La reaccin de Paz
desarm a la mujer: le pidi disculpas dicindole que su inters por retratarla se deba a su gran
parecido con Sarita Montiel.
Cada vez que nos retirbamos a la habitacin que compartamos con Mercedes, escuchbamos
los jadeos y murmullos que se colaban por entre los tabiques. Un ronquido sostenido y demasIado
cercano me mantena despierta. Lo senta como si la persona que los emita estuviese en mi
20

cama. Pens que era Paz y se lo pregunt. Ella pensaba que era yo quien roncaba y no se haba

atrevido a investigarlo. Tampoco era Mercedes.

En las maanas, un silencio de convento inundaba La Jaula. La ventaja prctica de levantarnos
relativamente temprano era poder usar tranquilas el nico bao del lugar, sobresaturado de
demanda. Ni la ducha ni el lavatorio funcionaban, de modo que nos escobillbamos los dientes
en la artesa ubicada en el patio para lavar ropa y platos. Ms de una vez nos encontramos con
Leila que a esa hora recin regresaba de sus correras por La Sota, donde se iba a "aplicar"
despus del amanecer.
La comparacin del prostbulo con un convento es obligatoria, incluyendo a la madre superiora.

21

Las celdas de La Jaula constituan un enjambre cuya arquitectura obedeca a la ley del hacinamiento.
Angosta y larga, la construccin de un piso contaba con una sola ventana: la de la fachada. Con
dos prostitutos por cuarto para hacer rendir al mximo el espacio laboral, cada uno contiene la
totalidad de las pertenencias de sus asilados. Nirka nos mostr un lbum de fotografas, su
peluca y sus trajes que guardaba en unos cajones debajo de su cama. En las paredes de estas
celdas conviven las imgenes de la Virgen de Pompeya -patrona de las prostitutas-, de San
Pancracio -patrono del trabajo-, calendarios ilustrados con los Alpes suizos, recortes de revistas
pornogrficas y posters de Michael Jackson.
Los travests salen del prostbulo a comprar pan a la esquina o al control sanitario y policial (a
poner sus fichas al da) y, en sus ratos libres, se encierran a ver televisin. Esa es la rutina
diurna. Cuando Pilar nos acompaaba al almacn, desde la vereda del frente le gritaban insultos
que ella devolva corregidos y aumentados.
Antes de las dos de la tarde nada se mova en el prostbulo. Aprovechamos una de las
maanas para conocer Talca. Visitamos el Club de la Unin, edificio decimonnico construido
por una estirpe provinciana que fijaba su horizonte en Pars y su poder en el latifundio. Ese da
penaban las nimas. Una bandada de mozos de chaqueta blanca y corbata pajarito nos inform
que si no ramos "esposas de socio", no podamos entrar.
Slo al tercer da de nuestra estada en La Jaula saqu mi grabadora, a la que le abri paso la
cmara fotogrfica. Una de las sesiones de entrevIstas consisti en una mesa redonda. Esta se
desarroll cerca de las cinco de la tarde, hora en que los travestis se alimentan contundente mente
para luego maquillarse y vestirse para la noche. Mientras Pilar preparaba mayonesa para los

hot-dogs, Dbora, con tubos en el pelo, se sacaba las cejas con pinzas frente a un espejo. Durante
la mesa redonda se cre una atmsfera de gran excitacin, que culmin ms tarde con la eleccin
de Leila como Mss Jaula 84.
Otra noche, mientras al fondo del local las dems alternaban con los clientes, permanecimos
jugando al naipe con Maribel. Nos cont que haba escrito su vida en un cuaderno y ley su
autobiografa frente a la grabadora. Tambin nos ense a tejer el punto que haba escogido para
hacerse un suter blanco.
Un domingo quebramos la monotona y organizamos un paseo al ro Claro, "famoso por sus
pejerreyes". Ni Leila ni Nirka quisieron unirse al grupo. Pilar, Maribel, Dbora, Andrea Polpaico
y Chichi vacilaron antes de calarse los gorros de lana, bajo los que esconden sus cabellos largos
cuando no les queda ms remedio. Tampoco fue fcil que accedieran a dejarse fotografiar vestidas
de hombres. Mercedes Sierra, Paz y yo insistimos en el paseo y nos subimos todos a un autobs
al pie de la loba romana. Eramos mayora, de modo que los otros pasajeros se quedaron callados
mientras Andrea Polpaico, Chichi y Dbora agitaban sus manos de uas largas pintadas para
puntualizar las observaciones que todos hacamos en voz alta.
Anduvimos en bote y al volver pasamos a servimos unas bebidas, empanadas de queso y
pequen es a un boliche cercano al parque del ro Claro. Ese paseo al aire libre fue un panorama
excepcional. La vida de los travestis chilenos transcurre entre una doble clausura: la del prostbulo
y la de la crcel.
Mercedes era objeto de un trato carioso y familiar por parte de los compaeros de su hijo.
Cuando regresamos a Santiago, Pilar nos solicit que viajramos de vuelta con su madre a la
ciudad. Subimos al tren y Mercedes nos comunic su preocupacin por Evelyn-Leo, su otro hijo
travesti que se haba quedado en Santiago y al que no vea desde haca ya tres meses. Lo haba
dejado deprimido y tema que intentara suicidarse otra vez por .el mismo motivo que la anterior:
Hctor, el marido de Evelyn, la haba abandonado. Tambin estaba nerviosa porque debera
mudarse de su casa en la calle San Luis, ya que los vecinos la hostilizaban demasiado. Nos
despedimos. Nos rog que no dejramos de ir a verla pronto y que su nueva direccin la podramos
averiguar en La Carlina.
22

FAMILIA

PAR E D E S

S I E R R A

La historia que para m comenz en La Jaula de Maribel tiene sus antecedentes en la relacin
que Paz ya haba establecido con Mercedes Sierra y sus dos hijos: Pili - Pilar - Keko - Sergio,
y Evelyn - Eve - Leo - Leonardo Paredes Sierra.
Evelyn fue el primer travesti retratado por Paz, quien ya haba emprendido, con anterioridad
a ese encuentro, un seguimiento en tomo a la vida de las prostitutas mujeres. Si bien la capacidad
de la fotgrafa para ganarse la confianza de sus retratadas deriv en una red de contactos que le
permiti entrar en la intimidad de varias prostitutas, el trabajo presentaba un problema: teman
que sus rostros fueran identificados si se publicaban las fotografas.
En 1981, un grupo minoritario de prostitutos travestis conviva en La Palmera con mujeres. Es
probable que cuando Paz "eligi" a Evelyn como modelo, ella se haya sentido halagada, ya que
en los prostbulos de mujeres los travestis ocupan un lugar de segunda categora. Pronto le qued
claro a Paz que, a diferencia de sus competidoras, los travests se sentan atrados por la cmara
que desplaz hacia ellos el foco de atencin.
Paz ampliaba las fotografas y se las llevaba de regalo a Evelyn, que se fascin cuando
una de stas apareci publicada en una revista femenina que dio cuenta de una exposicin de
la retratista en una galera de arte.
Fue en la poca de La Palmera cuando Paz conoci a Pilar-Keko, que haba regresado
recientemente de Canad. Evelyn es muy fina de rasgos; en cambio Keko es robusto y tosco de cara,
caractersticas respecto de las cuales ironizaba constantemente, atribuyendo su xito como travesti
ms que nada a ~u simpata y personalidad. De todos modos, la forma de su nariz lo torturaba. En
Canad haba descubierto un mtodo para respingrsela con una tela emplstica que disimulaba bajo su
chasquilla. Keko siempre afirm que l era gay y que se vesta de mujer slo para ganar dinero:
"Cuando estuve en Canad me dej todos mis pelos y andaba feliz. Hasta bigotes tuve, porque
all no se usa ser femenina. Claro que tambin hay locas que andan pintadas, pero a m en
realidad nunca me ha gustado mucho el vestido".
Uno d los retratos ms antiguos de Evelyn corresponde al perodo en que Hctor la dej por
una mujer. En esa oportunidad se cort el pelo, le vendi su traje de odalisca a Andrea Polpaico
y decidi abandonar el "ambiente". Su proyecto era entonces irse a trabajar a la peluquera de

Claudia, un transexual. Los oficios posibles mencionados por los travestis eran: peluquero,

ayudante de sastre o pantalonera, mozo o empleada domstica.

El hogar de Mercedes fue durante aos un centro de reunin para los compaeros de sus hijos,
a los que adems les confeccionaba vestidos para los shows. Los domingos, Pilar se haca un
moo, se pona un delantal y le enceraba el piso a su madre.
Mercedes Sierra tuvo seis hijos. Los dos ltimos fueron Pilar y Evelyn, a los que nombra como
Keko y Leo: "El Leo me porla con que es mujer y cree que me va a hacer lesa. Tiene una
chulita chica; en cambio el Keko es bien hombre: la tiene de extremo a extremo. Cuando los
llev al hospital para que me los revisaran, me dijeron que era por falla humana del pap. Cuando
el Keko se visti de mujer, casi lo acab a palos. Pero no estoy desconforme: si Dios me los dio
as, as ser. Yo creo en Dios y le tengo terror. No me iba a poner a protestar y acept porque
vi que era cosa perdida. Me puse re popular yo: 'Ah viene la guatona de los maricones' me
gritaban en la calle. Cuesta adaptarse. Me vienen a avisar a las tres de la maana: 'Seora
Mercedita, se llevaron al Leo'. Y yo salto a buscarlos a las comisaras. Les llevo ropa de calle
para que puedan devolverse a la casa. Hablo con el teniente, le explico, hablo con los pacos y
se ren de m".
La hostilizacin por parte del vecindario ha sido la causa principal de los frecuentes cambios de
domicilio de Mercedes. Trat de ganarse la vida como costurera, pero perdi el empleo: "Le
cosa a don Miguel Estay, dueo de una fbrica de confecciones, pero cuando supo que mis
chiquillos eran colas, me cort las manos. Los vecinos le echaban cartas con cahuines por debajo
de la puerta. 'Retrese, Mercedes, es mejor'. Vivaceta es el nico barrio donde no molestan".
Despus de nuestra estada en el prostbulo de Maribel, no fue fcil reanudar lazos con la familia
Paredes Sierra. Varias veces fuimos a La Carlina y golpeamos infructuosamente la puerta cerrada
con candado. Recurrimos a Pancho, ex travesti prostituto (ahora viejo), que Paz haba conocido
cuando empez a oficiar de mozo en La Palmera. Nos asegur que Evelyn estaba en La Carlina
y nos aconsej insistiramos nuevamente.
Una semana despus, a eso de las dos de la tarde, encontramos la puerta lateral del prostbulo
abierta. No recuerdo quin nos hizo pasar esa vez, pero el hecho es que llegamos al segundo
24

piso donde estn los dormitorios. A esa hora recin empez el movimiento en los cuartos. Evelyn
estaba en cama. Nos fumatnos unos cigarros y nos cont que estaban todas "lona" porque la

noche anterior un asado con los apostadores del Hipdromo las mantuvo ocupadas hasta la
madrugada. Desde el resplandor de la galera enrejada a la que desembocan los cuartos oscuros,
apareci la Andrea Polpaico envuelta hasta la cintura en una toalla: luca los senos que en Talea
haba jurado no hacerse crecer jams. Evelyn nos inform que el Keko estaba aprendiendo
peluquera en un local del barrio alto. Nos dio las seas y llegamos hasta all.
Bien haba dicho Mercedes: "Yo no s si es chifladura o qu, pero el Keko se gana el cario de
cualquiera". Entusiasmado, nos present a sus colegas mujeres y a CarIo, su patrn, que, como
Maribel, delegaba en l una serie de asuntos. Le camos bien a CarIo, que coment a Keko: "Qu
estupendas tus amigas, tienen estilo". Nos nvit a quedamos en la peluquera, que al mismo
tit' :npo era su departamento, despus del cierre. Hablamos de modas y peinados. Cario lament
que no nos maquillramos mejor y le ofreci a paz una permanente gratis con rayos incluidos.
Cario no entenda por qu "no nos sacbamos ms partido".
Esa noche en la televisin transmitan el concurso de belleza Miss Chile. Uegaron otros invitados,
entre ellos el amor de CarIo, un joven que segn l, lo haca "vivir con los nervios de punta".
El tipo en cuestin nos revel su descubrimiento para ganar dinero sin tener que trabajar: poner
una agencia de empleadas domsticas. Segn l, la ganancia sera por partida doble, ya que sin
ms gasto que el arriendo de un telfono le cobrara a las mujeres que buscaban colocacin y a
las personas que las contrataran.
Vimos la eleccin de Miss Chile mientras Pilar rparta piscolas. CarIo nos mostr fotografas
de una fiesta de disfraces donde l y Pilar lucan trajes de gitana. En Talca, Pilar nos haba descrito su show de La Gitana Viciosa, que haba ideado a partir de un programa de televisin donde
bailaba Liza Minelli. Tarare la meloda: era una de Rimski Korsakov. Esa noche, en la peluquera
de Cario, Pilar nos anunci que estab juntando dinero para irse "a triunfar" a Holanda. Fue la ltima vez que la vimos.

UNA C ONVERSACION CON MERCEDES SIERRA

Fue Chantal quien nos condujo en esa ocasin hasta el paradero perdido de Mercedes y Evelyn.
Nos sentamos a tomar t y hablamos de los maridos y los amores. Chantal deshizo las vendas de
su mueca izquierda y exhibi cuatro cicatrices de cortes recientemente autoinflingidos "de puro
enamorada": su hombre la haba abandonado.
Las ocho familias que comparten el mismo patio cran gallinas y patos que llegan a viejos, en
virtud de la perpetua postergacin ahorrativa de las cazuelas a que estaban destinados.
En una de las puertas del patio, Hctor estamp su mano. Unt su palma con pintura
blanca y la imprimi sobre el acceso al cuarto de Evelyn.
Evelyn le tie el pelo a su madre, que se deja hacer estos carios. El rito se ha desarrollado bajo
cualquiera de los innumerables techos del involuntario nomadismo de Mercedes y sus hijos. Pero
ahora Pilar Keko falta. Convencido de estar haciendo un buen negocio, abord un avin rumbo
a Europa con una bolsa de cocana en su estmago. Fue descubierto y se encuentra preso en
Alemania. Desde el penal le envi una postal con un gato a Mercedes. Evelyn Jt consigui a su
madre una copia viviente del cachorro colorn, al que Mercedes bautiz Keko.
Anda trabajando el Leo ahora? No. Fue a la Peni con la Pecho a buscar los vestidos.
Usted me va a preguntar cmo he estado. Bien pues: no tengo ni para pan. Ahora que el Leo
estuvo preso no he podido ni salir; entonces eso me va minando a m. Me hubiera gustado llegar
carg, carg de frutas, de todo, pero de adnde? Toda la semana que estuvo en la Peni me la
pas en la hospedera y ah tambin me hacen muchas preguntas, eso que voy bien limpia. Y

26

ha sabido del Keko? Nada, porque el Leo no me lee las cartas; las deja por ah en una caja,
pero yo s lo que dicen las cartas: cuida a mi mami todo lo que puedas, dale todo. Pero chitas
que me afecta cualquier cosa que le pase a ese nio.
Me pregunto por qu los quiero as, pero es al Keko al que prefiero y cuando me
muera me gustara dejar escrito que quise ms al Keko para.. que el Leo sepa. Yo quera
vivir con el Keko y nada ms, pero despus vino el otro y me dijo: "Mami, me voy a quedar
con usted". Y ahora me escondi el carn. Yo se lo haba pedido porque iba a sacar un
crdito para mandarle alguna cosita al Keko a Frankfurt. Estudi los zapatos all; aprendi a
remendarlos primero y ahora dicen que es un maestro. Un amigo que tiene l de la India me
dice en una carta que mi hijo es un artista. Le gustar al Keko ese oficio? No, pero es la

necesidad. Al Keko le gusta esto: la vida artstica. El Keko es para la noche. Los dos son para
la noche. El Leo se ve bien, pero el Keko se ve mejor. O sea, yo tengo mi preferencia. Eso le
duele al Leo. Y no me interesa. Si yo me fui a un hogar de ancianos pero l me sac. Dijo que
me necesitaba. Ser por amor? Por amor? No. Por amor, mi seorita, no. Me quiere s, pero
no tanto porque es muy atrevido. Insolntese con quien quiera, pero no conmigo; yo soy, le digo,
tu mam. Pero a l no le interesa. No grit ni hago alharaca, pero lo que l me dice, me ofende.
Porque hablamos claro: yo tuve un hombre, sabe? Yo adoraba al Manuel hasta que el Leo me
lo ech. Le dijo no s cuntas cosas hasta que un da Manuel me dijo voy a la esquina a comprar
un pollo y no volvi ms. Es que el Leo a lo mejor la quiere a usted para l solo . Ni para
empleada me quiere y yo ahora me quiero ir a un hogar. Yo s que voy a sufrir, pero al Leo yo
no lo soporto. Parece que anda media enojada con l hoy, pero se imagina qu hara el Leo

27

-solo? Tiene a su amor, ese flacuchento del Hctor. Pero la semana que l estuvo preso, se ni
se apareci. Entonces yo digo, dnde est el cario? Caficheo no ms. El que est con una cola
es para puro cafichearle. Lo mismo que el Manuel. Se fue porque yo andaba mal de plata, y yo
digo, cmo es eso que cuando la mujer est mal el hombre se vaya? Es que estai tan mal,
Mercedes, me dijo y se fue. Adnde est el cario, entonces? Y usted todava est enamorada?
Lo quiero. Perdneme que le diga, pero lo quiero. Con decirle que fui a ver a una bruja y me
dijo que el hombre andaba con una mujer ms joven. Es que l era menor que yo. Tiene cuarenta
aos y es de lindo. Yo tengo como 90 aos, nac en 1928. Segn me dijo el Manuel cuando nos
juntamos: "Escucha Mercedes, yo te vi a vos y dije altiro esta vieja es ma". Me persigui hasta
que me aburr y le dije que bueno. Empec a salir con l porque yo tambin me puse bien
chusca. Yo con ese hombre fui feliz. Cunto tiempo estuvo con l? Ocho aos. Era mo, pero
Dios da y quita, por eso me quiero ir a un colegio de monjas, pero cobran muy caro por el mes.
Yo soy el acabse: me da por llorar y no la corto. Es que yo he sufrido demasiado por ese hombre.
Pero que ande no ms con otra mujer, porque ninguna lo va a aguantar con lo curado que es.
Usted no ms. Ni yo, porque cuando llegaba dejando la escoba yo llamaba al Leo y se acababa
el escndalo porque Manuel le tena respeto. El Leo pega un solo grito no ms. Es terrible de
mal genio. Hace tres semanas me bot la tele: "Le voy a hacer recagar todas sus huevaditas",
me dijo. Dios permite pero no para siempre: no le pas nada a mi tele y lo tuve

todo el da en cruz hacindole creer que estaba mala. A la maana siguiente andaba todo
azucarado: "Mamita, envulvame la tele para mandrsela a arreglar". Puede que ande nervioso

con lo mala que est la cosa en Vivaceta. Anoche hubo revuelta y llegaron los pacos. Est
malo. No dejan trabajar. Le dije que por qu no se iba a Talca pero a l no le gusta y no quiso.
A lo mejor es por no dejarme a m. Yo puedo discutir mucho con l dos minutos pero despus
se me olvida todo y aqu no ha pasado nada. Yo he visto que l es bien carioso con usted.
A veces, cuando anda con plata, porque mi pensin es una mugre. Mi marido, que en paz
descanse, era municipal. Tenamos una casa linda. La hubiera conocido usted: era la ms linda
de la cuadra. Todava est ah, pero la tuvimos que hipotecar. Mire: si el Keko no hubiera cado
yo estara en una casa regia. Quera tenerme una casa a todo dar. La culpa fue del Lucho. Ser
muy bonito pero yo no lo quise nunca. Una vez peleando le dio cuatro pualadas al Keko. Cortaba
piernas, brazos, todo. "No importa, mamita, no me lleve a la Posta". Traje un practicante a la
casa para que le curara las heridas. Estn los dos en la misma crcel? Ni se han visto
siquiera, menos mal. Ahora mi hijo est pasando un calvario. Aunque dice que dentro de todo
est bien, que lo cuidan y est con su amor que es lo principal. Y bien vestido dicen que anda.
Claro que una puede andar pilucha, pero si hay amor, eso no importa. Lo que le va a costar
venirse estando enamorado. Y si yo no lo veo ms, no s qu va a ser de m, porque creo que la
condena por droga es muy larga. Me gustara saber escribir. Yo s escribir, pero no s para
escribirle a un jefe y explicarle lo de mi hijo.

Casi siempre me excito con los clientes. En este trabajo pasa una cosa bien rara: es uno la que
maneja a los hombres. Cuando uno los agarra les ofrece este mundo y el otro. Yo penetro y me
dejo penetrar, pero me gusta ms hacer de mujer. Lo malo que la mayora de los que llegan para
ac son pasivos; entonces si una acta de pura mujer no tiene clientes.
De repente me cago la onda pero terrible, porque me toca entrar con viejos asquerosos. Sin ir
ms lejos, el viernes tuve que entrar con un viejo que te lo juro: era una vaca. Y hediondo: le
dicen el Ocho por Cuatro. Justo ese da yo no tena ni un veinte. Al mal tiempo buena cara, dije.
No tena plata para andarme regodeando, as es que lo atend no ms.
Cuando llega un viejo vaca lo primero que hago es apagar la luz para no verlo y me empiezo a
pasar pelculas para excitarme. Funciono con la pura mente nada ms: "Estoy con este hombre
tan jco, Dios mo", a pesar de que s que es una gelatina lo que estoy tocando. Pero fjate que
las pelculas resultan. Me piden que les cuente historias, porque estos viejos son chiflados. A
veces entrarnos de a dos con un solo hombre. La que es buena para contar historias es la Chichi:
"Imagnese, papito, que hay una cabrita chiquitita a la que recin le estn saliendo los pelitos
y usted la descartucha". Los viejos se vuelven locos. Yo tena uno que tambin me deca cosas
para excitarme: "Imagnate que viene un regimiento y te violan todos con el pico parado". Despus
yo tena que contarle esas mismas historias a l.
Antes llegaba gente buena y se vean hombres estupendos. Yo me preguntaba: "Por qu vendrn
si son tan regios?" Y lo que pasa es que todos tienen su rareza, y al final de cuentas ninguno es
hombre hombre. Hay unos que son ms mujeres que yo cuando me acuesto con ellos. Les he
preguntado que para qu la frecuentan a una y dicen que es para engaar la vida. Ellos miran
una cara que es de mujer pero saben que para abajo hay un hombre. No quieren aceptar que en
realidad lo que les gusta son los hombres. Las vacaciones son buenas porque llegan los viudos
de verano por montones. Marzo es malo porque ah tienen que comprar bolsones para los nios
que entran al colegio.
La mayora de mis clientes viene cada quince das. El ms antiguo que tengo es el Alfredo.
Atraca un rato conmigo, nos acostamos y listo. Ese me penetra a m y no es tan mal parecido.
Hay otros que les gusta penetrar y ser penetrados. Tengo uno que me ofrece pololeo. Es bien
29

tierno: "Que est linda". "Que ganas de verla tena". Puedo estar horas con ese hombre que me

conversa de sus problemas de la casa. Ese gallo es separado, pero la mayora de los que llegan
ac son tipos casados. La ltima vez que pasaron los ratis encontraron a un hombre en pelotas
en mi cama. Por suerte yo no estaba ah en ese momento. Se lo llevaron y a m tambin me
subieron al auto de Investigaciones. El hombre estaba blanco y le corra la transpiracin: "Por
m no te preocups. Yo a ti no te he visto ni en pelea de perros", le dije para tranquilizarlo, y a
los ratis les asegur que el seor se haba equivocado y que pensaba que nosotras ramos mujeres:
"Cmo va a ser tan huevn si La Carlina es conocida en todo el mundo", contestaron. Lo dejaron
fichado.

LA CALLE DOS
Este ao he cado siete veces en la Peni. La ltima fue con la Pecho. La Calle Dos es la de los
colas, pero all tambin mandan a los que estn condenados por delito de violacin para que
les hagan lo mismo que ellos han hecho. Porque adentro a los que han violado a una niita o a
una vieja les hacen lo mismo y los dejan de caballos, "que cualquiera se los monta". Entonces,
cuando un hombre se calienta se pesca a un caballo por la buena o por la mala. Cuando ya los
tienen traumados los tiran para la Calle Dos y dicen que es por seguridad. Tambin mandan
para all a los tipos que estn amenazados de muerte por 10s otros presos. Si no llegan colas a
la Dos, se convierten rpidamente.
Hay hartos colas que estn rematados. A la Chola la conozco presa desde que tengo uso de razn.
Es vieja, fea y siniestra pero se cree la regia de la cuadra. Esa le lava la ropa a los otros presos
y a los pacos solteros que vienen de fuera de Santiago. Otra que est ah condenada es la Chuma.
Mat a su padre. Cuenta que fue la mam la que mat a su padre y que ella se ech la culpa.
La Chuma es flaca, larga, tiene 26 aos y est p1l' secula. Hay una cola guatona que tambin
est rematada por homicidio. Arrendaba una casa y como el arredantario tena relaciones con
ella, no le pag ms. Un da el viejo no le aguant y ella lo mat. Lo enterr en el patio de la
casa. Hizo el hoyo y a este maricn ridculo le dio por meter al viejo parado, as que la cabeza
le qued a pocos centmetros de la superficie. La cola se qued con la casa y empez a arrendar
30

piezas. Haba un matrimonio que tena un perro. El perro se fue para el patio y se puso a escarbar.

En la Calle Dos estn todos cortados con cuchilla. Hacen unas orgas y se vuelan porque no
falta el que les entre pepas y marihuana. Se encierran y se ponen a tomar mate canero bien
concentrado para volarse y empiezan los escndalos. Les baja la onda de cortarse con cuchillo
los brazos y las piernas de puro aburridos que estn. Empiezan a cortarse ellos mismos, no por
pelear sino de aburridos. Yo tengo un puro corte aqu en la ceja, pero fue peleando con la
Duquesa, que es una que se retir del ambiente. Nos agarramos a tacazos.
A los ratis y a los pacos les gustan los colas. Son todos iguales. Abusan de su placa. Nos invitan
a subir a sus autos. Uno les pide que cancelen por anticipado y sacan la placa. No pagan. Haba
s, uno bien buena gente que vena todas las semanas, nos pagaba trago y despus, cuando nos
tomaban presos, nos rebajaba la fianza. Pero en general, son unos sinvergenzas. Los pacos nos
suben al furgn y para dejarnos ir nos hacen estar un buen rato con ellos; entonces, entre estar
preso y estar un rato con un paco, no hay donde perderse.

PARA MI LO PRIMERO ES LA PILAR

Mi mami se qued conmigo y con la Pilar porque cuando vio que nosotros ramos colas y que
nunca nos bamos a casar, se dio cuenta de que nunca la dejaramos sola. Mi pap muri hace
como quince aos, de cirrosis. Se haca el leso con nosotros. Lo nico que deca: "Estos cabros
que son tan locos". Nunca quiso saber que nosotros ramos colas. Mi mami en cambio siempre
tir para nosotros y se senta bien con nuestros amigos. Nos acompaaba a La Carlina mientras
hacamos show. A mis hermanos les daba vergenza llevar a sus amigos a la casa; se casaron y
nunca ms la tomaron en cuenta. Ah ella opt por quedarse con nosotros porque a las finales
tampoco le qued otro palo del que agarrarse. Yo no salgo para ninguna parte: del trabajo a la
casa y de la casa al trabajo.
Nunca me met con mujeres. Asco no me daban. Me daban rabia porque no cachaban que yo
era maricn. Cuando peli con mi primer amor fue que me hice travesti. Antes jams me haba
vestido de mujer. Con ese amor nos escribamos cartas y cuando su familia supo que andbamos
juntos, yo le dije que se quedara con su familia porque la iba a tener para toda la vida y que lo
31

nuestro algn da se iba a acabar. Estuve un ao encerrado. Estaba aburrido, no tena trabajo

y andaba con la moral tan baja que dije: me voy a meter a trabajar de puta porque va a ser la
nica manera de olvidarme de ese hombre. La Pilar ya estaba en el ambiente. Me pas ropa,
peluca. Fui donde el Chico Lucho: "Vstete de mujer y se te van a olvidar todos los problemas".
La Pilar me llev a San Camilo donde la doa Lupa. No me gust San Camilo y me vine a La
Carlina que era ms protegido. Ah s me gust vestirme de mujer porque una se luca ms y
los clientes le daban halagos a pesar de que cuando empec no me vea ni la sombra de lo que
me veo ahora. Fui aprendiendo de a poco a arreglarme. La Ximena, que ahora debe tener unos
40 aos, me dio consejos para saber qu era lo que me vena ms. Mi nombre lo ~leg porque
haba una cola preciosa que se llamaba Evelyn y que despus parece que se fue a Francia. Ella
me dijo: "Algn da voy a estar vieja y t vai a ser mi sucesora. Cuando te pregunten tu nombre
de mujer, contestas Evelyn". Yo la quera porque era igual a la Sofa Loren. Mi mami tambin
andaba bien arreglad ita y se vea linda. Ahora no, porque se le fue el hombre. Yo le tio el pelo
y le compro las pinturas. Le gusta que yo la maquille. Le gusta que se preocupen de ella y se
enoja cuando no la tomo en cuenta. Pero para m lo primero es la Pilar. La pongo por delante
del Hctor y de mi mami, por delante de todos. La Pilar ha sido el apoyo ms grande que yo he
tenido en mi vida. Para cualquier cosa, buena o mala, siempre estaba alIado mo. Cuando me
bajaban esas voladas de no trabajar y andaba meses deprimida, la Pilar nos daba todo. Me vesta,
me daba para vivir, nunca me falt nada. Es optimista. No se echa a morir por nada; en cambio
yo, por cualquier cosa me caigo de nimo. La Pilar me hace una falta nica. Si yo supiera que
est bien, sera regio, pero est lejos y mal. Todas las noches me acuerdo de ella y le pido a
Dios que la ayude y no la deje sola.

32

M E H A C 1 A F A L T A E L A M O R, N A D A M A S
A Hctor lo conoc en un cumpleaos y lo tom como cosa ma sin haberle preguntado si l
quera. Se lo levant a un cola. Delante del cola le pas plata para que fuera al cine: "Anda a
las pelculas y como a las doce me pasas a buscar". El Hctor no tena dnde vivir, as es que
se fue conmigo. Llevamos cinco aos juntos. Es la relacin ms duradera que he tenido y la ms
loca.

En el primer tiempo yo estaba super agarrado. Me acostumbr a l. No lo dejaba salir ni a la

esquina. Ahora no me hago tanto problema como antes, pero cuando me dej cre que iba a
morirme: estaba perdiendo algo que yo quera tanto y haba luchado tanto por obtenerlo. Toc
que estuve presa un mes y l se encontr con una mujer. No me fue a ver. Cuando sal se haba
ido de la casa. Me trat de matar. Me iba a ahorcar colgndome de la escalera que haba en la
casa que tenamos en la calle San Luis. Pas un cola y me pill. Empez a hablarme de que
tena que quererme ms a m misma. Estuve mal, horrible. Me haca falta el amor, nada ms. Me
daba por llorar. Sala en las tardes a darme vueltas por los lados por donde poda encontrar a
Hctor. Cas me mor cuando supe que andaba con una mujer. Despus Hctor volvi.
La otra vez le dio por trabajar en un taller mecnico. Dur una semana: "Para m que trabajs
o no trabajs es igual, porque plata a vos no te voy a recibir". Gan unos pesos y se fundi.
Lleg arregladito, regio, con una botella de trago. Se lo gast todo de un viaje, porque cuando
estos rotos tienen plata se asustan porque no estn acostumbrados.
Antes, llegara yo a la hora que llegara, tena que estar con l. Ahora me da lo mismo. No me
llama la atencin. Es que llevamos tanto tiempo juntos que s todo lo que va a hacer. Hasta s
todo lo que debe pensar cuando est conmigo.

33

Durante los aos que mantuvimos relaciones con los travestis y en especial con la familia Paredes
Sierra, jams nos preguntaron sobre nuestras vidas personales. Nunca, tampoco, nos pidieron
un solo peso. Si algn aporte econmico hicimos fue pagar nuestro consumo de alcohol y contribuir
con pan, margarina, tallarines o hot dogs a la hora de las comidas. Cuando a fines del 86 le
dijimos a Evelyn que desebamos hacer un libro sobre su vida y la de sus compaeros, ella
estuvo de acuerdo y ofreci su cooperacin.
Hasta esa fecha haba sido imposible acercarnos a Hctor, el amor de Evelyn. La primera vez
que lo vimos, apenas nos salud y la Perla, su perra, se nos abalanz a los tobillos. El miedo
que nunca experiment en ocasiones objetivamente ms peligrosas, se concentr en la perra de
Hctor. "Ya, crrete, Perla", grit Mercedes y aadi: "Esta, de morder no muerde. Se asusta
cuando le gritan. Yo la fui a dejar a la perrera pero no me la recibieron porque es hembra. Perros
s reciben, perras no. Anduve toda una maana para all abajo, para perderla, pero donde la
deje se viene de vuelta".
En otra oportunidad Hctor nos escuch mientras traducamos del ingls una carta que el amante
bengal de Keko, llamado Kumar, le haba escrito a Mercedes y la carta para Keko que ella nos
dict, en la que le deca que volviera pronto: ella estaba enferma. En realidad, Mercedes vive con
la angustia de no volver a verlo: "Eso me va minando a m. Ya me cortaron un pecho y ahora
parece que la cuestin se me pas para el otro lado. El doctor me dijo: si te quers morir, te doy
la orden de hospitalizacin altiro. Siento el brazo agarrotado y se me duermen los dedos".
Durante una visita posterior, Hctor se sent con nosotras a tomar t. Yo le ped que por favor
amarrara a la Perla y conversamos de ftbol, deporte que l practica en una cancha de barrio.
Dijo que no le gustaban las fotografas cuando Paz le propuso hacerle un retrato.
Slo despus de mucho observarnos, Hctor nos acept. La mediacin de Evelyn tambin
debe de haber influido. Conmigo habl cuando le perd el miedo a la Perla.
El deporte me relaja y la verdad de las cosas es que cuando yo no juego a la pelota, igual
voy a la cancha porque nos juntamos todos los del club, tiramos tallas, conversamos. En qu

34

te entretienes fuera de la cancha? As, caminar no ms. Buscar. Buscar ambiente, otro ambiente.
De repente me pongo a lavar mi ropa porque no me gusta que me la lave el Leo. No me gusta
andar pidiendo por favor. As me evito problemas y malos ratos. Leo es celoso. S, porque a

veces ve cosas que no pasan. T lo dejaste una vez. Fue por la mam, porque es muy llenadora.
Anda vigilando, anda mirando yeso a uno le llega. T crees que el Leo te quiere ms a ti de

lo que t lo quieres a l? Tal vez, porque con el solo hecho de que una vez se haya querido
matar ... Qu sentiste con esto? una nostalgia terrible de saber que alguien se quiso matar por
m. Me dio pena. Como que yo no era digno de eso. A dnde te criaste? En la Fundacin Nio
y Patria. No conocistes a tus padres. No los conozco. Siempre he tenido deseo de conocerlos,
pero no he tenido cmo ubicarlos. Me vienen pensamientos. Por ejemplo, para el Da de la Madre
siempre me acuerdo de mi mami. El nico sueo de mi niez ha sido llegar a conocerla para
saber cmo era, para verla. Me la han descrito de tantas maneras. Hay personas que la conocen?
Claro. Me contaron cosas desagradables. Que era del ambiente y yo he querido conocerla para
preguntarle si realmente era as la cosa. Cmo conociste al Leo? La historia es super larga.
Como a los 15 me arranqu del internado porque estaba aburrido y en el Paseo Ahumada conoc
a un cola que me invit a un cumpleaos y ah encontr al Leo. Lo pasastes mal en el internado?
No, pero cuando nos portbamos mal nos castigaban. Nos metamos a la despensa. Robbamos
pan, mermelada. La comida no era muy satisfactoria y tampoco daban la porcin correspondiente
a una persona. Cmo es tu relacin con Leonardo? Cuando lo conoc, yo senta una necesidad
muy grande porque no tena donde alojar ni en quin afirmarme. En parte es bonito mantener
una relacin as. Mucha gente lo mira a uno como si fuera distinto, pero en realidad no lo es.
Yo nunca he andado metido con las dems colas del ambiente. Al travesti yo lo veo como una
necesidad. Yo ando con Leonardo y nadie ms. Leonardo me ha ayudado harto en un sentido
moral y espiritual, porque gracias a l, la mam y al hermano, como que he encontrado una
familia yeso me ha ayudado. Y yo siempre le he dicho a l que estoy aqu por tener una familia.

Cmo era la Pili contigo? Como persona es alegre. Tiene requisitos admirables que no se ven.
La Pili nos ayudaba mucho en darle gusto a la mam, al Leo, a m que me pasaba para mis
vicios. Cuando pelebamos con el Leo me deca 'no le hagai caso'. Le tom los consejos y ahora
cuando peleo con el Leo me corro no ms y me quedo callado. Prefiero dejarlo discutiendo solo.

3S

FRANKFURT . 20 DE MAR ZO 1986

Hola recordado Leto:
No tienes una idea de lo feliz que fue para m el da de ayer. Recib tu carta y fue como si me
dijeran: est libre. Me lleg a mi habitacin que, aqu s puedo llamar as, porque las piezas
tienen bao y radio con audfonos y son muy bonitas. Me estaban dando el almuerzo, veo tu
sobre y no supe ms de m: se me cay la bandeja y me dieron todo de nuevo, pero igual no
com nada de alegra. Me alegro de que ests bien, aunque no me cuentas si ests trabajando;
ojal que s. Tambin me hizo feliz saber de mi mami. He soado mucho con ella y contigo y
gracias a Dios que siempre se me aparecen bien, por los menos de salud.
Te pido que tengas paciencia. Mi problema no durar toda la vida. El tiempo pasa lento,
pero me he superado de nimo. He conocido a mucha gente, ya que como te cont, aqu hay
personas de todas partes del mundo. Con los que mejor me llevo es con los latinoamericanos y
los mejores son los italianos y los espaoles. Mi amigo espaol que me daba toda su amistad,
se fue a cumplir condena a otra parte.
Otra alegra ms es que hay una fbrica de cosas metlicas, pero cuesta que te den un
puesto. Yo lo haba pedido cuando llegu y justo ayer me lo dieron, lo cual ha sido una gran
bendicin de mi Dios. Hoy fue mi primer da de trabajo. No es pesado pero con el tiempo olvdate
de cmo me van a quedar las manos. Son siete horas diarias y te pagan, como se dice en Chile,
a trato, segn las piezas que t hagas. Con el dinero puedes comprar ropa, comida, zapatos en
el supermercado que tenemos y lo que quieras lo ahorras para cuando te den la libertad.
Cuando entr a la fbrica todos me hablaron. Me preguntaron mi nombre y de dnde era.
Con esta posibilidad todo ser distinto y si Dios me ayuda y aunque se me rompa todo mi cuerpo,
tratar de trabajar lo que ms pueda para no llegar tan mal a Chile.
Estoy consciente de que me quedar aqu por un perodo ms o menos largo. Mi abogado
es muy atento, me visita y me ha dicho que no saldr antes de por lo menos tres aos. Lo que
ms deseo es que ests bien y por favor, aunque sea pesado, cuida a mi mami, preocpate de
ella. Mi familia eres t y mi mami. A la Erika la quiero mucho, pero t sabes que los dems
son muy independientes. Por eso para m lo ms grande de este mundo eres t y mi mami.
36

Muchos saludos a Carlo, a la guatona: que se cuide porque est muy gorda, que baile mucho.

Ac tocan mucho la conga. Ahora en Chile son las tres de la tarde y es en esta parte de la carta
en que se me apura el corazn.
Chao, Leto, cudate mucho. Los quiero.
(Sergio)

F R A N K F U R T l D E S E P T 1 E M B R E 1 986
(Vivan las fiestas patrias con ropa nueva)
Hola Eve:
Espero que ests muy bien. Por estos lados ya no se siente tanto fro. Yo ya no te iba a decir
ms Leto, sino que te iba a llamar "mano que escribe", porque tus cartas no llegan y las espero
con una ansiedad que no se la deseo a nadie.
Leto, el 18 de agosto les mand un giro. Perdona que sea poco pero creo que en octubre
ser ms. T sabes que trabajo a trato y ltimamente no me he sentido bien. Gracias a Dios me
estn haciendo un tratamiento muy bueno y ando como reloj. Me sube la presin, los sntomas
son super feos y no tienen explicacin.
Esta carta es slo para saludarte, ya que la verdad es que no tengo mucho que contar. Mi
vida es comer, trabajar y dormir. Te envo recortes de estas regias que salen en las revistas.
Nada he sabido del asunto mo y me tendrn condenado hasta el da del pico, si quieren. Te
juro que ya no aguanto ms tanto silencio. Escrbeme y arriba los corazones: psalo bien, baila
hartas cuecas con vestido con almidn y zapatos blancos, total, despus de sta no hay otra.
Saludos a tu marido y a Vanessa. Muchos besos para mi mami. Mi cario para ti.
Chao.
(Keko)

37

AUTOBIOGRAFIA

D E

MARIBEL

Nac el 3 de agosto con el nombre de Ivn Silva Monsalves. Mis primeros meses de nio
escolar fueron tristes porque me castigaban tanto por la limpieza de mi vestuario como de
mis tiles escolares. Mi madre no tena consideracin conmigo y a medida que iba creciendo
tambin crecan los golpes. A la edad de nueve aos la cosa era ms dura. Tena que hacer
los menesteres de la casa. Me levantaba a las siete de la maana a prender el fuego en la
cocina econmica a lea. Me preparaba una taza de caf de higo, un pan y un huevo. Me
tomaba esa taza de caf a puros gritos de mi madre. Despus deba lavar lo que haba
ensuciado y de ah al colegio.
En el colegio nunca jugu con los otros nios, siempre con las nias. Mi profesora era
un amor conmigo. Se llamaba Mara Cordero Macaya. Cuando se fue , qued en manos de un
profesor llamado Guillermo Delgado. No me explico cmo l me sedujo a un acto sexual. Como
jefe de curso me qued el ltimo, haciendo el aseo de la sala. El profe me invit una
bebida que era una Coca Cola, y ah me dio vuelta, me baj los pantalones y comenz a
introducrmelo.
Un da yo iba por la calle y los chiquillos que estaban parados en una esquina me gritaron:
"Eunuco, Carlos Mara", y mi madre escuch. Me castig y me puso un vestido y me mand as
a llevarle un recado a una ta. Yo fui sin vergenza de nada ni de nadie. Ya tena yo diez aos.

y a pasando los once aos me puse rebelde y le contestaba a mam. Le grit y ella se puso
furiosa, tanto que me estaba ahogando con su rodilla puesta en mi cuello. Me arranqu de mi
hogar sufriendo porque no coma. Me tomaron detenido los carabineros y mandaron a buscar a
mi padre que me llev a casa nuevamente. Mi madre, tan cnica, lloraba. Despus supe que no
era mi madre, ni mi padre era mi padre.
Pude encontrar a mi verdadera mam que se llamaba EIsa. Le pregunt cul era la historia
de mi vida: "Yo di a luz y te dej al cuidado de la familia Silva Monsalves. Cuando pas a
buscarte, ellos me cobraron la crianza. Luch para juntar el dinero. Incluso tu padre, llamado
Alejandro, me ayud con unos animales. Pero ellos haban pagado testigo y te haban pasado
por el Civil con otro nombre".
Le sustraje plata a mi padre adoptivo y viaj en un camin al puerto de Talcahuano. Trabaj
38

ocho meses repartiendo viandas y siendo ya un homosexual. En Val paraso conoc a un homosexual

llamado Fabiola que me invit a que trabajara con l. Me entusiasm y me qued. Me vest de
mujer, con lo cual me senta realizado y empec a ejercer la prostitucin.
Me fui a Santiago y ah la cosa era ms difcil, porque la polica no deja tr~nquilo. Me
las ingeniaba para bajarme de la camioneta de los ratis con arreglos. En el barrio de San Camilo
junt tanto dinero que puse una casa clandestina, pero por una calumnia eso dur poco. Estuve
preso un ao dos meses sin tener arte ni parte. Por eso la justicia es para m tan injusta. Sal
de la crcel con tanto odio y escarmiento que me fui a Vivaceta donde La Carlina. All aprend
a bailar y me encant mucho. Cambi mi vida. Saqu carn de artista y me luc como mujer en
teatros, estadios y locales nocturnos. Mi nmero gustaba tanto que todos crean que yo era mujer.
Pero al final del espectculo yo me retiraba la peluca para que vieran que yo era un travesti.
Viaj a muchos lugares: Arica, Tocopilla, Iquique, Calama, Antofagasta, Coquimbo, San
Antonio, Valparaso, Los Angeles. Slo me preocupaba de m. Ya era un joven adulto. Slo vine
a saber de mi familia cuando fui a Talcahuano a actuar en un club nocturno. Llegaron unos
primos a verme sin saber que yo era quien era. Les dije: "Yo soy Ivn, hijo de Osear". No se
convencan de que yo no era una mujer. Me contaron que mi pap haba fallecido haca nueve
meses.

39

N A

A R

L A

R LI

NA

Dimos por terminado nuestro trabajo una vez que logramos ganarnos la confianza de Hctor y
cuando los travestis nos abrieron el saln clandestino de La Carlina. El punto final coincidi con
la visita del Papa Juan Pablo 11 a Chile, en abril de 1987.
Evelyn, Priscila, Macarena, Leila y Caty participaron en las sesiones de fotografa a una
de las cuales tambin asisti Mercedes. Estaba contenta, pues haca meses que no sala a pasear.
La visita del Papa fue tema obligado. Un mes antes de que el Papa besara la losa del aeropuerto
chileno, los travestis nos transmitieron su inquietud: los haban amenazado con "crcel preventiva"
de sesenta das debido a la inminencia del acontecimiento: "A ese caballero yo no le creo nada.
No me gusta el Papa; seguro que van a andar vigilando ms que nunca. Capaz que se lleven
media casa. La Chichi ya arranc a ralca. Dej todo empeado para conseguir un poco de plata.
No aguant: la semana pasada estuvo dos veces presa", dijo Mercedes.
El famoso saln de La Carlina fue definitivamente clausurado para el golpe militar en
septiembre de 1973. Su duea, Carlina Morales Padilla, "La ta Carlina", "La reina de la noche",
"La cabrona de Chile", se esfum. Las versiones contradictorias sobre su paradero la incluyen
como rentista millonaria residente en Nueva York, y como empobrecida y anciana ex empresaria
que se hara pasar por su propia empleada domstica cuando abre la puerta de su casa en el
barrio de los ricos en Santiago.
En Chile todo el mundo ha odo hablar de La Carlina y su mencin sigue motivando
fantasas. El que puede dice "yo estuve ah, la vi, la conoc". Carlina Morales Padilla lleg a
ser duea de casi todos los prostbulos de Santiago y su intuicin no fall al especializar el de
Vivaceta en travestis. Organiz el histrico Ballet Azul y se jactaba en tiempos de la repblica
de recibir en su saln a diputados y senadores.
Hoy da los travestis mantienen el recuerdo aparentemente reconfortante de la poca en
que gozaron de la proteccin de esta mujer de origen humilde y ex prostituta que supo explotar
primero su cuerpo y luego los cuerpos ajenos.
Lleg para nosotras el momento de atravesar la bajsima y estrecha puerta falsa de madera
que obliga a postemarse para ingresar al saln. Coral, como las dems, se maquill y se visti
40

all adentro, pero su metamorfosis result especialmente radical. Con su jockey habra pasado
inadvertido en la calle. Cuando se lo sac, junto con dejar a la vista su cabellera larga de tono

rojizo, cambi de tmida a exuberante, y al finalizar su maquillaje se transform definitivamente

en una diva. Al otro costado, Evelyn, que tambin estaba lista para las fotos, se coloc una cinta
de terciopelo negro en el cuello para taparse la manzana de Adn.
Una pintura deslucida de una madame Butterfly decoraba el fondo del escenario vaco
donde antes ensayaba y ofreca sus coreografas el Ballet Azul. En el extremo opuesto de la sala,
la misma mano haba pintado una sirena. Le pregunt a Caty quin era el autor de los murales
y contest que haba sido "la finata Ingrid", un travest asesinado en 1973.
Caty no se visti de mujer: "Dej mi actividad hace 14 aos. Todo tiene su poca. Tengo
40 aos y esto nunca va a ser como antes; nunca ms, porque el tiempo pasa inexorablemente.
Antes yo tena cafiche, tena todo, pero la plata me la he tomado. Me gustaba comprarme mis
pulseritas, mis gargantillas y me vesta adecuada a mi estatura, porque soy baja. No tengo
facciones finas , tengo facciones medio grotescas, as es que me dejaba una chasquilla espesa y
moo. Puro moo usaba y taco alto".
Como yo estaba grabando, me pregunt: "Con qu fin haces esto?" Le dije que lo que yo
quera era hacer algn da un libro sobre la vida de los travestis: "Ah! Ese es tu fin. Ese libro
es importante en tu vida. Es lindo anhelar. Me gustara contarte mi vida detalle por detalle. Hay
partes cmicas y partes tristes, tristes. A veces me siento aburrido. Lo he pasado bien y perdona
que te lo diga, pero yo tuve una relacin con un curita que fue como un matrimonio. Pero ahora
yo lo rehyo porque le gustan los cabros jvenes. Ves esta cicatriz que tengo en la ceja? Fue
el fraile que me peg un botellazo. Ahora volvi conmigo porque est enfermo. Lo operaron del
estmago, comprendes t? Tiene heridas, lceras. Yo a veces pienso que tiene SIDA. Me gustara
que me preguntaras sobre esa enfermedad: no le tengo miedo. No me importara contagiarme,
porque yo lo he pasado bien. He sido degenerada al mximo". Coral tampoco le tiene miedo al
SIDA. Ninguna le tiene miedo al SIDA.
Coral haba estado escuchando. Se acerc a la grabadora y dijo que ella comprenda nuestra
intencin de hacer un libro.
Chantal nos haba contado en una ocasin reciente lo humillada que se haba sentido
cuando los "ratis" la haban llevado, junto a dos de sus compaeras, a la Escuela de Medicina
41

para que respondieran las preguntas de los alumnos. Las tuvieron una noche entera detenidas y

al da siguiente las obligaron a maquillarse y vestirse, y las condujeron hasta el aula universitaria.
Coral, que haba formado parte del "muestreo", afirm que a ella le haba encantado "darles
una charla a los futuros mdicos". "Llegamos a la Universidad de Chile y mis amigas se cortaron
un poquito, sobre todo la Cris. Los estudiantes queran saber cmo me senta yo, y les dije que
ramos unos chicos que ejercamos la profesin ms antigua del mundo y que le hacamos la
competencia a lo femenino. Luego nos preguntaron acerca de cmo nos sentamos frente a la
sociedad y otros temas importantsimos; que cmo me senta frente a ellos. Bueno, les dije, como
cualquier persona pero con otras ideas. Fueron bien cordiales, estupendos. Me gust compartir
.
.."
y exponer mIS expenencIas .
Mientras se estaba maquillando, Coral dijo: "Yo tengo alma de puta". Le ped que explicara
ms: "Eso es algo que se siente. T lo haces porque te gusta y te llena: conocer gente, conocer
hombres. Por ejemplo, muchos se acercan no para tener sexo, sino para charlar, tomarse un
trago, compartir un cigarro y as t puedes ver lo que piensa la gente de afuera. El ms machista
se convierte en tu mejor amigo y comprende tu modo de vivir. Por ejemplo, yo quise ser sacerdote
y todava me tira. Fui muy catlico y lo sigo siendo".
Le pregunt qu piensa del Papa: "No le tengo rencor al Papa, pero no me gusta venerarlo
ni adorarlo, porque es como cualquier persona. Es slo un instrumento. De especial no tiene
nada, fuera de llevar tanta historia detrs, siglos y siglos. Es un buen deportista, le gusta esquiar.
Es un hombre comn y corriente que puede incluso tener sexo o ser un buen padre de familia".
Le pregunto qu piensa respecto de la sexualidad del Papa: "Mira, yo creo que las poluciones
nocturnas lo ayudan mucho. T eyaculas sin darte cuenta en la noche, durmiendo. Me pas a
m en una poca que no quera masturbarme; entonces soaba y eyaculaba. Yo creo que en parte
el Papa se ayuda con las poluciones y con otras manifestaciones de su sexo".

42

1 M

TIC

1 A

D E

R A L

No s que onda le bajara a la Coral. Se sac la pintura y vol a la calle como a las cuatro de
la maana. Al otro da lleg a las diez en la onda del arrepentimiento, que le haba bajado toda
la moral. Que se haba cortado el pelo y se lo haba ido a dejar a su madre para que se diera
cuenta de que se haba retirado del ambiente. De ah llam a las colas y les regal todas sus
cosas. Dijo que el Papa la haba dejado as. Que de tanto escuchar al Papa se haba puesto a
pensar y que se haba dado cuenta de que estaba en una vida equivocada. Una locura no ms,
porque la Coral no se coma un huevo para no botar la cscara. Cag como ella sola, la Coralito.
T le pedai un cigarro: "no pus nia, te lo vendo porque a m me cuesta". As de cag era. Ni
la cola del cigarro te la daba. Y que de repente le haya dado la locura de regalar todas sus cosas.
Haberse explotado durante cinco aos para comprar lo que tena! Regal el ropero, la marquesa
con respaldo tallado, la cmoda, la radio, todo. Se fue a la Piojera a vender sanguches de potito.
(Evelyn)

43

L A

S A L U D

T U

El seor Gastn Padilla habita en un cit ubicado a medio camino entre La Carlina y el Cementerio
General. Todos los das se va a pie hasta la tumba de su madre, cuyas flores y csped riega
personalmente. Su rutina tambin contempla la lectura de los obituarios de El Mercurio para
informarse sobre el deceso de los que llama sus "amigos queridos".
Padilla est familiarizado con los nombres y apellidos de los difuntos que -a diferencia de
los modestos propietarios de un sueo eterno de cinco aos ubicados en la periferia de esta
ciudad de tres millones de muertos- construyeron el barrio elegante, con mausoleos que imitan
estilos arquitectnicos de un perodo que va desde las dinastas faranicas hasta el Tercer Reich.
El estado de los grupos estatuarios, pirmides egipcias, plintos, ngeles y lpidas de
mrmol, son un motivo de constante preocupacin para Padilla. Se lamenta cuando el deterioro
deja traslucir el abandono de los deudos y celebra las ocasiones en que advierte mejoras en el
estado de estas mansiones del silencio. Asiste a los entierros de capa en invierno y de quitasol
en verano. Paz Errzuriz conoci al seor Gastn Padilla durante el funeral de su padre.
Tu abuelIta era una santa lo mismo que tu ta Consuelo Errzuriz. Viva en un palacio de
la avenida Brasil. Se cambi de ah porque asaltaron a su hijo, don Federico, que se haba vuelto
caminando del Club de la Unin. Qued viuda muy joven y era ntima de la seora Mara Isabel.
Las dos eran tan unidas, tan unidas. Mi madre era muy elegante y encargaba todo a Pars:
sombreros, estolas, boas de pluma. Tena un traje lindo de seda de Italia, pero el paltocito no
le cupo porque ya estaba el cuerpo fro. Yo llor mucho porque no se lo pude poner. Tuve que
sacarle las argollas de brillantes, los aros, las perlas cultivadas. Las perlas se las entregu a mi
hermana porque una perla se le muri: "ponte las de la mam y cudalas mucho".
Antes de morir, mi mam me pidi que la maquillara: "no va a faltar quien me venga a
ver porque yo he sido una mujer santa, fiel y buena". La pein igual a como se peinaba siempre.
Ella estaba todo el tiempo impecable. Deca que siempre haba que esperar al marido linda y
hermosa. Ella era celosa porque mi padre era muy buenmozo: trabajaba de contador en el Banco
de Talca y despus la seora Graciela Letelier de Ibez -que en paz descanse- lo coloc en
la Contralora. La seora Graciela est en la misma tumba con la familia Pinochet, de Talca.
44

Conozco a la familia Pinochet, a don Horacio que ha estado de embajador en Roma. Mi madre
reciba a mucha gente. Tena carroza, porque en Talca no se usaban los autos y toda la gente

se juntaba a jugar brisca en la galera inmensa que la mam convirti en saln: lleno de plantas,
de cuadros, alfombras. Ah se juntaba lo mejor de la sociedad. Y admiraban a la mam porque
tena cuatro empleadas. La mam los atenda con pavos asados, chanchos. Todas las cosas de
campo. La abundancia de antes. Beban y, bendito sea Dios, ella deca: ''Tengo visitas y Dios
me las manda. Quiero que se lleven de m un gran recuerdo". Mi madre era muy culta, tocaba
el piano. Le cantaba a la Virgen. Reciba a las mejores familias de Talca: los Vergara, los Tagle,
los Donoso, los Astaburuaga, sacerdotes jesuitas. Tocaba piano en el Teatro Municipal de traje
largo con diadema y collar de brillantes. Sala en una cabrita y le reparta a los pobres: uva,
trigo, maz, harina, huevos. Criaba pollos para los pobres. No tomaba leche ni los sbados ni
los domingos: es para los pobres, deca.
Cuando la mam haca funciones de gala, yo la baaba bien y le echaba Crema Pond's de
noche y de da. No tena arrugas, nada, nada en la cara. Nosotros los hombres nos echamos
Crema Nivea: uno se corta con la gilet y al otro da todo amanece cicatrizado. Yo uso Crema
Nivea, no ve que tengo tantos callos y hasta a las guaguas del Hogar de Cristo les echan. Es
muy sana la crema.
Con la mam viajbamos todo el tiempo en barco y despus en avin. La vida del barco:
puros lujos, bailes, comidas, cocteles. La invitaban a todas partes y a m tambin sin merecerlo.
Cuando falleci: puras penas, lgrimas y dolor. Siempre le gustaba andar del brazo mo y yo la
atenda: "Mamita, le llevo abrigo?" "El blanco", deca. Veranebamos en las Rocas de Santo
Domingo y todas las chicas andaban -perdnenme- detrs mo. Le iban a preguntar la hora o
a pedirle un cigarro a la mam, todo para conversar conmigo. Y la mam muy tiesa, muy orgullosa
y las chiquillas se retiraban: "Ya vienen estas pesadas para ac". Despus pasebamos por la
plaza y le gritaban: "Adis, suegra". Ahora ya no voy a la casa de las Rocas de Santo Domingo
porque me da miedo y la tengo arrendada: me he tirado como seis veces al mar de desesperacin
por mi mam.
Usaba pantalones, la mam. Era supermoderna. Yola tomaba en brazos porque a ella le
daba susto bajar la escalera: "Susto, susto, mi corazn". Le daba miedo que nos cayramos juntos
por la escalera. Para su sepultura, mi hermano trajo una copia de Europa. Es de mrmol y tiene
45

un Cristo de hierro: se usa mucho el hierro en Europa. Tiene rboles, un copn de mrmol y

una alfombra de musgo. Yo voy a verla todos los das. Me siento mejor all. Se me quitan las
penas, los dolores, me siento feliz. Las cuidadoras me dicen: "Don Gastn por qu no trae
almuerzo?". Y almorzamos los dos ah: carne, asado, ensalada, de todo llevo en un bolso.
Mi pap tambin era socio de Club de la Unin y ah se conoci con don Gregorio Besa:
don Goyo, le deca. Se servan trago y jugaban billar. Estn todos en el cementerio. Ellos me
llaman y yo les rezo. Adems, ese caballero era un santo: muchos discursos maravillosos dijeron
para l. Los compaeros de colegio hablaron cosas maravillosas. Yo lloraba atrozmente. Iban a
reducir los restos de don Gregorio Besa. Yo no quiero. Me causa dolor y pena. Le dije a los
empleados del cementerio que no era necesario porque yo me lo poda llevar a los nichos de mi
mausoleo.
Para all me gustara llevarme a tu ta Consuelo, a tu pap, a don Goyo y a su seora,
que es tan catlica: Mara Isabel Bezanilla de Besa, una santa. Antes de que se muera la podan
traer para ac y nos reunimos a jugar brisca, a tomar mate, a conversar y yo les hago pan amasado
con manteca de campo. Traen a sus maridos tambin y ponemos msica suave y bailamos con
poca luz, bien a la francesa. Ahora me convidan a bailar pero no salgo, porque estoy decado.
Mijita, quieres un tecito? Quieres que te prenda un cigarrito? Yo no quiero, thank you,

46

very mucho El otro da cuando fuimos al cementerio te veas preciosa con los vestidos hasta el
tobillo. Parecas europea. Prefiero los vestidos porque as luces las hermosas piernas, como deca
mi mam: "Quiero lucir las piernas a todos los doctores y a mis hijos". Usaba de esas medias
claritas de seda transparente. Taco aguja, la mam. Siempre elega las cosas ms lindas. Sombreros. Todo de Francia. Yo me senta orgulloso de que todos la miraran. Pedan permiso para
sacarl~ fotos y llevrselas a Europa para mostrar lo elegante que es la mujer chilena. Era hermosa.
Tena ojos verdes como los tuyos que eres linda, atractiva y todo el mundo te mira.
A El Mercurio me inscribo al ao. Lo recibo todos los das y lo primero que leo son las
defunciones: siempre hay amigos, amigas queridas. Encargo coronas, voy a misa y comulgo
Antes me quedaba en el cementerio hasta las nueve de la noche. Es la desesperacin de haber
perdido al ser ms querido, que es la madre. La soledad. Cuando llego a la casa de la feria
pienso que ella est viva y pensando en ella traigo las frutas ms lindas. Cierro la p'uerta, le
pongo candado, subo corriendo y ella no est. Yo grito, lloro, me viene dolor al cerebro. Esas

tarjetas que hay son de psame. Las encuentro en el mausoleo porque a ella la visita ~ucha
gente, muchos militares, y ella me dice: "Estuvo el general tanto, el comandante tanto, que me
miran, pero yo muy tiesa porque me caen mal".
Esa lmpara de lgrimas es de Europa yesos mueblecitos como cajones fueron idea ma:
los mand a hacer donde Landea Hermanos y adentro le pona la bacinica a la mam. Tengo
tambin un jarrn chino pero est guardado: no vaya a haber un temblor. Para el terremoto yo
estaba aqu tomando t. Rezando y tomando t. Todos recurren a m: que hgame un postre,
una torta.
Me gusta leer las recetas de cocina de El Mercurio. Las estudio un poquito y despus las
voy comprendiendo. Todos los jugos cambian con un poquito de limn: stos que le ech al jugo
los traigo del fundo de Colina. Vamos a tomar mate con limn, a fumar y a tomar un poquito de
fuerte.
Mis hermanos me dijeron: "Tienes hartos gneros, vicuas y casimires. Reglanos a nosotros.
T no te los quieres poner porque siempre andas vestido de jipi, sin corbata" . Yo antes me pona
brillantes, diamantes, esmeraldas en las muecas y en las caderas. El medalln de rubes me
lo robaron cuando vena de la feria. Ah fue que me hicieron el corte en la cara que ahora no
se me nota mucho porque la Crema Nivea me lo ha ido borrando. Pero a m quin me va a
mirar? Nadie, porque yo siempre pienso las cosas que voy a hacer ante Dios. Ninguno de nosotros
andaba desnudo delante de mi mam. Ahora la gente anda desnuda en las playas o con short o
con bikini. Yo a veces, cuando no hay gente, me pongo bikini, pero si llega alguien me pongo
pantaln y bajo a abrir la puerta por si es alguna vecina que pide telfono, el diario o un plato
de comida. Yo miro por arriba para ver quin es y me tapo.
La otra noche le rec la novena del Carmen a la mam y prend las velas del candelabro.
Ese retrato de ella lo han tratado de sacar y no se ha podido: se quiere quedar ah. Lo mismo
pasa con ese Cristo. Tampoco se quiere ir para el piso de arriba. Mrale la boquita, los ojitos
azules, los dientecitos. Igual a una mueca hermosa que conozco y que tiene los ojitos muy
lindos, que Dios los bendiga. Me los voy a comer asados. A la salud de vuestros maridos, de
vuestras madres, de toda la familia, hermanos, hijos y que ninguna nube empae vuestra felicidad
47

presente y futura. A la salud de tu mamita, que Dios te la conserve por muchos aos.

MERCEDES, EVELY~

49

EVELYN

50

51

E VEL YN

53

54

PILAR.

LA

PALMERA

55

MERCEDES

56

EVELY'<

57

EVELYN

EVELYN

58

59

EVELYN

MACARENA, CORAL

60

LA PALMERA . SANTIAGO

61

MACARENA. LA CARLINA

62

CORAL.

63

CATY.

SANTIAGO

MACARENA. LA CARL I NA

64

CORAL. LA CARL I NA

65

HE C TOR , EVELYN

66

EVELYN, HECTOR

67

CORAL, MACARENA

68

MACARENA . CORAL

69

CORAL . LA CARL I NA

70

CORAL. LA CARL I NA

CORAL . LA CARLINA

71

73

PRISCILA , LEYLA. SANTIAGO

_..
.....

SUZUKI, ANDREA POLPAICO. TALCA

ANDREA POlPAICO , MARIBEl , DEBORAH. TAlCA

76

77

ANDREA POLPAI CO

eHI C HI , PILAR. TAL C A

CHICHI, MARIBEL , PILAR , DEBORAH . TL CA

79

MARIBEL. rALCA

80

LEYlA . TAleA

81

LA JA U LA. TAL CA

82

LA H

ULA. TAL CA

LA JAULA. TALCA

LA JAULA. TALCA

CLIENTES . CLIENTS. LA JAULA. TALCA

LA JAULA. TALCA

83

LA SOTA. TALCA

LA SOTA. TALCA

85

LA SOTA. TALCA

GASTON PADILLA. CEMENTERIO GENERAL

86

GASTON PADILLA. SANTIAGO

87

G .\STO \

88

P ,\IJILLA , C EME~TERIO

GE~ER\1.

A Mercedes,
Requiescat in Pace

TAL

A,

1 9 8 4.

A U L A

T H E L

THEY TOOK US ALL TO A SHIP

They took Chico Lucho who hasn't been seen since. He was the owner of a brothel in San Pablo
Street. The soldiers bumt it down. We were with Leila in Valparaso when the coup occured and
they took all of us to a ship moored in the port. They too k us there blindfolded, in a van. For
six days I was left there, piled up with the others, in the holeo The first thing the soldiers did
was cut our hair; they pulled it by the roots and afterwards they pissed on uso They kept hitting
uso They hung Tamara and Tila with a rope and made them spin tuming them round and round.
They threatened to throw us overboard. There were sorne thirty of us homosexual s on board. We
were released one by one.
They killed several of us during the coup. They killed Mariliz who was really pretty, just
like Liz Taylor. This happened over Christmas. Her body was found in the Mapocho river, full
of bayonet holes. At the Legal Medical Institute we were told: "These are not knifewounds. They
were made with bayonets". Viviana and Juanita's bodies tumed up on San Cristobal hill. We
saw them when they were dragged from the brothel. The soldiers ordered: "Y ou two, out. Now".
(Pilar)

I'D B E T TER FIN D M Y S E L F A JOB A S A W A I TER

<1 said: what can I do about my nerves? There was all this shooting going on. I'd better find
myself a job as a waiter I thought, and 1 went to the "barrio alto,,(l) to a fabulous mansion. 1
leamt how to serve the table, in white gloves, and to mix with the rich. I had a bedroom with
television.
But the going was tough because they were still shooting the boys. I saved money and went
to Calama and after that to Bolivia to the boite Maracaibo. After a few days I got a leUer which
told me Mariliz had been murdered.
(Suzuki)

91

YOU EARN MORE WITH YOUR BODY THAN BY DANCING

I left my house with a kid who sold eggs. He sold eggs in a liule basket and told me: "Let's go,
my mother hits me all the time". My mother also beat me, because 1 was a cola(2) So we sold

the eggs and went off to the brothel in Antofagasta with Margarita Jenny. When 1 carne of age,
1 had a season at La Carlina and 1 obtained my artist's licence; 1 worked with the Blue Ballet
and became more professional. 1 had a cape, an arab costume and a spanish one. 1 also had
many costumes 1 bought in Bolivia which is poorer and cheaper than Chile. Precious stones are
very expensive here. 1 liked the show because 1 always danced, but you eam more with your
body than by dancing. Art is very poorly paid.
(Suzuki)

1 D 1 D N' T U S E T O B E L 1 K E T H 1 S, S O D 1 A BOL 1 C
La Carlina is not dead. She has yet to pay for her many sins. Now lives shut up in her house,
but she hasn't got the style for the "barrio alto", because she wears an apron and plastic sandals.
She looks insignificant. Street vendors who pass by shout at her, "Go and call your mistress";
they mistake her for her servant. 1 have little respect for her. When Patty, a transvestite who
acted as master of ceremonies died, she had been more than twenty five years in the brothel and
we had to make a collection to bury her. The hag sent word that it was non e of her business and
we should manage with our own means. She did not even send a bunch of flowers.
1 was kept by her for five years as a kind of Cinderella, washing glasses, working until
eleven in the moming, without going to bed. 1 was envious of the "colas", because they were in
the limelight but the hag would not let me dress as a woman: "You are a servant and your job
is to wash glasses and to wait on me. You have nothing to do with the artists". But 1 would
secretly go and dance in.the "salon,,(3) and get involved with the clients, until one day 1 had my hair
dyed blond and made myself a see-through outfit, so she had to accept me. Washing glasses and
watching, 1 acquired a new personality, because before 1 didn't used to be so diabolic. Carlina
was a good teacher because she understood her pupils and taught them how to behave. She pulled
out a gun when anyone stood in her way. She kept every under lock and key. She would inspect
your nails, your underwear, to see that you were clean. Myself, 1leam't everything 1know there.
(Pilar)
92

THEY GAVE ME A FABULOUS TIP

1 was bored with having to keep myself so clean and taking such care of my appearance. One
day she found out that 1 had not washed myself properly: "This cunt turns out to be a real pig",
and she chased me around the yard with a stick.
Sometimes stunning men who could talk anything, about the news or whatever, turned up.
1 could have died. Seora Carlina would help me: "Leila, today there was a tennis match; do
you know who won?". "1 have no idea, Seora". Then she would tell me all about it so 1 had
something to talk about with the clients. I'd come in and say: "Darling, you'll die when 1 tell
you who won the tennis: Per".
There were sorne upstart "colas" who laughed at me. They told the clients they lived in
the Torres de Tajamar, in the "barrio alto", with a motor car at the door. Once a fine looking
couple arrived. They said: "We will give you a tip if you show us your car". "Come here", 1 told
them and asked Chica Amalia, who was a poor lame servant, to open the door for me. A horsecart
of the type that carries fruit and vegetables to the market nearby was standing right there. "Look
darling, there's my taxi. You know, 1 am not so flash: 1 live in a rotten old slum with my mother,
not in the Torres de Tajamar, like all these liars". They congratulated me and gave me a fabulous tipo
(Leila)

T H E Y D O N' T E V E N B U Y C L O T H E S
When 1 belonged to the "ambiente"(4) 1 drank only at night. Prostitution is nice, but when you're
old it is bitter. Everything is allright as long as you're young and good -looking, but with age
comes regret. 1 tell the boys to stash away sorne money, put it in a bank but they don't understand.
The other day Leila went out to drink in the morning. 1 said "Go to bed Leila, you need all your
strenght for the night", but she can't stop once she gets started. When they get very pigheaded,
1 hit them or lock them up in a room. Mostly 1 am happy with them, but when there are problems
1 punish them. Sorne are grateful, others not. But they drink away their money. They don't even
buy clothes.
When 1 set up in this house, 1 was immediately called by the Police. They told me: "We
93

will let you work with these queers, but we don't want any scandals. No thefts, and any new

queer that arrives, you send him over to be registered immediately". Everyone has to be eheeked
for venereal desease so no one claim that he has eaught anything here. We get through two
million four thousand units of Beneetaeil every fifteen days, and everyone's lieenee is up to date.
The other night the "paeos"(5) eame with summons for me to pay a fine. They asked: How are
you off for drink? "Not too bad" I said. We had forty bottlesk and they took ten. Here in Talea
things are quiet: in Santiago, they would have taken the lot.
(Maribel)

W H O' D Y O U L I K E T O G I V E Y O U R e R O W N T O?
"My name is Leila York Smith and I represent Talea". There were six of us and I was determined
to be one of the three finalists. I was taking part for the first time, but I'd seen the eleetion of
Miss Vivaeeta, Miss Maip and Miss Brazil. Pilar introdueed me splendidly but I feh very nervous
beeause I did not have a subjeet to talk about if they asked questions. I went out everywhere
seHing votes, even in the eenter of Talea, where I knew people in the eosmetie business.
When they asked me: "Leila, who'd you like to give your erown to?, I said ''To this audienee
whieh has showered friendship on me, and to Talea beeause it has been marvelous, stupendous
to me, and I owe you aH my large number of votes" I did not manage to finish what I was saying
before they burst into applause and I started erying and my make-up began to runo
(Leila)

THE

"e O L A"

BOL T E D I N F L A M E S

A girl may be ugly, but she has other means. Women's ways are not learnt, you're born with
them. There are sorne who spend years dressing in women's clothes, but they stilllook like men,
like Doris. They eaH Doris "La ehora Daniela". Imagine how ugly she is, a painted pussy
eompletely bald and wearing a wig. She used to danee with Carola who was a madam from San
Antonio, and they spoke in "eoa,,(5). La ehora Daniela sang aH from Lueho Barrio's songs. She
had a set of false teeth and onee she took them out and left them lying on the tableo My friend
and I hid them and she eried aH day: "Give me baek my teeth, I am going in the show tonight".
She was funny and used to give everyone nieknames. In the show she was kwown as "La eholita

del Pero". That queen looked exactly like Mara Ruiz Tagle* ; when Allende was elected we
held OUT own presidential hand-over at La Carlina's with Yvonne who looked like Tencha *.
Instead of a Presidential sash, we wrapped her in toilet paper which sorne naughty girl set on
fire. The "cola" bolted, in flames.
(Pilar)

W E' V E G O T T O D R E S S A S T W O P E O P L E
"Deborah is mad because she is twenty-something. She flaunts herself, flirts all night and next
day she's broke. I'm through with all that. As far as I'm concerned what we've got to do is work,
and what's more, we've got to dress two people: aman and women.
(Chichi)

NOT EVERYONE UNDERSTANDS THE LIFE WE LEAD

I knew Viviana wasn't a woman. We first met in a "boite" and afterwards we went to her house.
Since then we've always been together. We've travelled everywhere. We went from Santiago to
Puerto Montt. She got a contract as a dancer and I got a job as a waiter. I'd been in uniform, I
did my military service in Arica. I've always liked soldiers. Being a soldier is something that's
in your blood. We should respect OUT fatherland and be on the loo k-out for any eventuality. If
there was a war and my country needed me l'd simply say: "Here I am". Young people today
don't have any respect for the flag and even among Chileans there are enemies: terrorists. I don't
understand politics and I don't want to either. I worked for the Ministry of Defense as a civilian.
In my group we new each other intimately. I was discharged because I had a problem with a
captain. He insulted me and we started arguing. When I met Viviana I was on my own. I don't
expect anything from my family. Viviana and I have been on the point of breaking-up on a couple
of occasions, but we couldn't go through with it. Our relationship is very strong. Sometimes we get
angry with each other and we fight, like any other couple. Not everyone understands the life we lead.

* Mara Ruiz Tagle: The wife of the outgoing president Eduardo Frei.
* Tencha: The nickname for Allende's wife.

EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF

The poli ce arrive and they don't even ask your name. They see you standing in the street and
they throw you inside. They hit you for being pretty, they hit you for bein ugly, because you
paint yourself or because you don't. They always ask me: "Why do you dress as a woman,
fat-head, when you've got such a deep voice?". They beat Nirka because she had breasts and
they wanted to cut off her nipples. They cut off her eyelashes with scissors. Another time they
turned the hose on Suzuki at three in the morning in the station yard. They forced us to put on
our show and they stripped Suzuki and made her open and shut her legs.
On a raid, a bus full of "pacos" suddenly squeals to a halt, and they pour out in their
dozens. Then we forget all our rivalries: we feel real freindship, we hold hands in fright, we pray,
imploring that nothing should happen to uso The one responsible for putting the wooden bar on
the door runs the greatest risk. We turn off the lights and go and look for somewhere to hide.
We run out on to the rooftops and then it's the law of the jungle: every man for himself. The pigs
kick down the door. "Where are those fucking buggers hiding. We'll kill them, exterminate the
lot". If they catch you, they knock the shit out of you. Once I hid under a bed and I could see
this pig's boots: "Come out of there, nothing will happen to you". I carne out and they flogged
me. y ou can't win; either you try to escape and they punish your or you give yourself up and
they say, "why didn't you run away, you shitty buggeJ;?". They bust up everything. They tear
everything to pieces, furniture, wigs, they steal your money, they poke their noses into everything.
This is why all of us go around suffering from nerves.
(Pilar)

ALL OF US HAVE SCARS

They turn up at any time. In don't know why they haven't smashed my TV or the radio. Here in
Talca it's more relaxed. I used to be fat; before 1 was eaten up with nerves. I've lost count of the
number of times I have been in prison, that's the worst thing. The second worst has be en my

96

family. I know I can never go back. No chance now I've taken to using make-up every day and
going with clients to take money. I'do anything for money. Show me a bill and I'll fly. If you are
a "cola" you have to know how to work. Evelyn is beautiful, pretty but she's too stiff. I always

dress very provocatively; they don't look at my face, they loo k at my figure. If 1 had enough
money, I'd have a prothesis to show more bosom, but never hormones because they take away
your sexual desire.
1 look at myself in a mirror and 1 know that 1 don't pass for a woman. Make-up covers
imperfections, and 1 do try to transform myself one hundred per cent. But 1 know that 1 am not
really changed. But 1 am fascinated by putting on make-up wearing high heels and a dress. 1 go
everywhere with my painted nails. When I'm dressed as a woman 1 feel more fulfilled, more
secure. I've earned my living painting myself.

If 1 get a good-looking client, 1 feel gorgeous, 1 fe el sexy. But 1 never do business for love.
There is always sorne clown that doesn't want to pay. 1 got one who drew a pistol. I've also been
threatened with knives. All of us here have scars, at the time you're not afraid. Your mind goes
blank and you think: if they 're going to get rid of me let them be quick about it.
It's no good working with women prostitutes. They laugh at you and that inhibits the client.
Of course women are no match for a "cola" because we've got more ideas about what to do in
bed. Men have told me: women have no sparkle. Men go for us because we've got more imagination.
1 tell them: I' II give you a french one, we can do lovely things. 1 'll suck your feet. When 1
make love, 1 am degenerate. If someone excites me I' II even suck their toes.
1 am twenty one and I've spent five years working in houses like this. But you don't get up
every day feeling the same. Sometimes you feel angry. 1 like to shut ,myself in my room so no-one
can bother me. 1 don't like reading mucho 1 prefer watching TV or listening to music, but what
1 like most is to be alone, in a closed room. Most of the time 1 think about my family. 1 would
like to lead a normallife, a peaceful one, get up and go to bed when 1 want. If 1 was told to go
and work in shop or even as a servant, 1 would go, but it's difficult for someone like me because
when they see you're a "cola" they don't give you the jobo Of course if it did work out, you'd
lose what you've got when you're dressed as a woman.
It's frightening to think of the future. If 1 could, I'd save up and get out of this when I'm
thirty or thirty five. Sorne of the older "colas" take up dressmaking or beco me servants, but the
97

majority turn into alcoholics, stuck in the gutter. None of us can say we're really happy doing
this work. At bottom, we're all miserable. If you're fascinated by men, when you get old you feel

rejected. What 1 am afraid of is how 1'11 die because here in the "ambiente" you can easily be
murdered; it has happened to many. Others grow old and they kilI themselves.
(Andrea Polpaico)

SHE HAS NO TRICKS

Maribel and 1 have danced together. 1 got tired of it because Afro-Cuban is my thing. But you
have to give credit where it is due: Maribel dances really marvellously. She does a total streaptease,
she does the splits, she opens her legs and you don't see a thing, all natural, no tights, total
nudity. She has no tricks.
(Leila)

CHRONICLE

OF

VISIT

TO

TALCA

The first time I saw Mercedes Sierra was in 1984 in the brothel at Talca, where she was living
with Pilar-Keko, one of her transveslite prostitute(6) sonso I was riveted by the pale beauty spots
which marked the end of her eyebrows. These haunt my memory as if they were a due to
understanding the strange relationship between the mother and her two homosexual sonso
We arrived in Talca one night in July. At the entrance to the railway station stands a column
with aRoman Wolf perched on top of it, now in ruins. It marks the beginning of an avenue
leading to the centre of this provincial city, of which the saying ''ralca, Paris and London" was
taken quite seriously by its inhabitants in the early 1900s. During the 1985 earthquake Romulus
and Remus, still sucking the wolfs tits, carne tumbling down. Maribel's brothel was also wrecked
in that quake.
In 1984, taking our cue from half-forgotten hints Pilar had given Paz, we reached the
"barrio"(l) La Sota, which tumed out to be very near Talca's wolf. There was a police van parked
outside the brothel, which somehow undermined the idea that Talca was the only remaining place
in Chile where the travestis(7) were not being harassed by the police(5). We waited at a nearby
shop until the police left and then went in search of Pilar.
It was late. Pilar carne out into the street in full drag and make-up. It immediately became
clear that she was a favourite with Maribel, the ex-travesti Madam of La Jaula, who looked us
up and down and then let us in. We were there because Pilar had invited Paz to the election of
Miss Jaula 1984.
We walked in darkness to the end of a corridor and found ourselves in a narrow yard leading
to a number of chained and padlocked rooms. Maribel's own domain consisted of two rooms: a
bedroom and a kitchen. There we found Mercedes Sierra.
Maribel decided it would be safest for us to sleep in her double-bed. In her determination
to protect us she locked us in every night. She kept one key and gave us a duplicate.
We were soon part of the brothel routine. At night" when we were all crammed into the
"boite"(3) -a space ten by three metres- we'd be put in a comer along with Mercedes. One sign
of our acceptance by Pilar's friends was that they wamed us of the dangers of theft and offered
to take care of our handbags. It was too dark inside the "boite"(3) to take photographs, and it
99

was impossible to use a flash as much as we would have liked for fear of annoying the clients,

who in no way differed from the men we were used to seeing in bars and in ordinary (female)
brothels. Pilar told us that the vast majority of them were huasos*from the surrounding countryside.
Many of the clients said that alcohol was cheaper at travesti brothels and, more importantly, that
"the 'colas'(2) are much more fun than women". They seemed quite used to the set-up, and they
not only got drunk, but also liked to dance pressed right up against their partners.
Mter her odalisque show, Andrea Polpaico was asked by a client to dance a bolero. She
dragged him to one side of the dance floor, slipped one hand inside his unzipped fly and the
other into his pocket. Leila drew our attention to this scene and, when Andrea PoI paico had
completed the operation, she said: "A stiff. I look the other way when sorne sucker is beign
snitched, and I wouldn't think twice about stealing from a client who isn'-t a regular either. There
are sorne who steal from a client and then pass the body on to you, but I'm not going to be
saddled with someone's else's stiff'.
One night Pilar decided to show us round and introduce us to her acquaintances in and
around the "barrio" La Sota. Dressed in her leopard-skin mini-skirt and wearing her best high
heels, she called out greetings which would not have been so readily returned during the daytime.
In one of the brothels we visited, Pilar was dancing the cumbia with a travesti who had been
expelled from La Jaula by Maribel, we found ourselves in a situation that could easily have turned
nasty. The "cabrona"(8) had kindly invited us to have a drink. Thus encouraged, Paz asked her
permission to take her photo. The woman went into fits of rage and Pilar regarded us with horror:
she had warned us that the "cabrona" was renowned as a fighter, especially when drunk. Our
fear, which we had never voiced, that any wrong move might put our whole project in jeopardy
now seemed justified. But Paz kept her cool, apologised, and explained that what had prompted
her request was the extraordinary likeness she saw between the Seora and Sarita Montiel. This
mollifed the "cabrona" and the affair ended peaceably over another bottle of pisco.
Every time we retired to the room we shared with Mercedes, we could hear whispers and
other noises through the thin walls. But this was not what disturbed me most; a continuous snoring
close by my ear was what kept me awake. It sounded as though it was coming from the same
100

* Huasos: Men who worked the land. Used pejoratively as synonyrnous with uncouth, uncultured, etc.

bed, and I thought paz must be responsible. She, in tum, thought I was the snorer, but didn't
like to mention it. And it wasn't Mercedes either...
In the momings, La Jaula exuded a convent-like silence. The advantage of getting up
reasonably early was that it allowed us to use the only available bathroom before it was constantly
occupied. Since neither the shower nor the taps in the washbasin were ever in working order,
we washed in a wooden bowl in the centre of the yard normally used for washing clothes and
dishes. More than once, we met Leila coming back in the late moming from her rounds in La
Sota, where she went to get pissed after dawn.
The comparison between brothel and convent inevitably springs to mind, and may extend
to include the watchful eye of a Mother Superior. The cells of La Jaula were overcrowded. Long
and narrow at the back, La Jaula had only one window, which faced the street. To maximise
working space there were two mal e whores per room, and each room contained all their belongings.
Nirka, for instance, showed us a photograph album, her wig and costumes, which were all kept
in cardboard boxes under her bed. On the walls of these cells the images of the Virgin of Pompey
and of Saint Paneras were juxtaposed with lithographs of the Swiss Alps, cuttings from pomographic
magazines and posters of Michael Jackson.
Travestis only leave the brothel in order to buy bread at the comer shop, or to go for a
health check-up, or to the local poli ce (to keep their personal files up-to-date), and during their
leisure hours lock themselves in their rooms and watch TV. That is their daily routine. When
Pilar went with us to the local shop, people from across the street showered insults upon her
which she retumed with interest.
Nothing stirred in the brothel until2 in the aftemoon. One moming Paz and I took advantage
of the quiet to slip out and see the town, which is the ancestral home my father's family. We
visited the Club de la Unin, a pretentious late 19th century building, put up by provincials who
fixed their horizons on Paris and drew their power from the "latifundio"*. That particular day the
place was deserted, but still a flock of waiters in white jackets and bow-ties rushed to inform us
that unless we were wives of members we could not come in.
101

* Latifundio: A large under one owner, oflen an absenlee landlord.

1 didn't get out my tape recorder until our third day at La Jaula, when the whores were
already used to being photographed. One of the early interviews was a "round table" session.
This too k place at about 5 in the afternoon, a time when the travestis eat a hearty meal before
putting on their costumes and make-up and generally preparing themselves for the night. While
Pilar made the mayonnaise for the hot-dogs, Deborah was in hair rollers, plucking her eyebrows,
tweezers in one hand and a mirror in the other. The "round table" created an atmosphere of great
excitement, which peaked when Leila was elected Miss Jaula 84.
Another night, while the other travestis were at work with clients at the far end of the
"boite", Maribel sat with us playing cards. She told us that she had written her lifestory in a
notebook, and proceeded to read in into the taperecorder. Maribel also taught us to knit a pattern
she had chosen for a white sweater, which she had almost finished.
One Sunday we broke the monotony by organising an outing to the Ro Claro. Neither Leila
nor Nirka would join us, Maribel, Dborah, Andrea Polpaico and Chichi all hesitated for sorne
time before deciding to put on rough woollen bonnets to hide their long hair, so as not to draw
people's attention to it. They were also reluctant to be photographed as meno But Mercedes, Paz
and 1 insisted on the outing, and the party finally got onto a bus at the foot of the statue of the
Roman wolf. We were in a majority on the bus, and the other passengers were rather subdued
while Andrea Polpaico, Chichi and Dborah flapped their hands with long painted fingernails to
emphasize points we were all making at the top of our voices.
We went for a boat ride and carne back to the shore, where we had soft drinks and
"empanadas de queso y pequenes"* at a cheap restaurant beside the river. This outing was an
exceptional event for Chilean travestis, who spend so much of their lives locked up: either in a
brothel or in jail.
Mercedes was treated with great warrnth and was regarded as one of the household by her
sons colleagues. Pilar asked us to take her mother with us when we returned to Santiago. We
climbed aboard the train, and during the journey Mercedes told us of her worries about Evelyn -Leo,
her other travesti son, whom she had not seen for the past three months. She had left Evelyn in
102

* Empanadas de queso y pequenes: cheese and onion pasties.

a very depressed state and feared she might have tried to commit suicide -not for the first timebecause Hctor, her "husband", had left her. Mercedes was also worried that she was going to
have to move from her house in San Luis street because of the unrelenting hostility of her
neighbours. When we arrived in Santiago, we said goodbye and she begged us to come and see
her soon, and told us that if she did have to move, her new address could always be found at
La Carlina.

103

The story which for me began at Maribel's "La Jaula" can be.traced back to the relationship Paz
had already established with Mercedes Sierra and her two sons, Pili-Pilar-Keko Sergio and
Evelyn-Eve-Leo Leonardo Paredes Sierra.
Evelyn was the first travesti to be photographed by Paz. Before this, Paz had started a
project on the lives of women prostitutes. Although her capacity to win their confidence had
enabled her to establish a network of contacts among these prostitutes, she carne up against a
problem: they feared that their faces would be identifiable if their photographs were published.
During 1981, there was a small group of male transvestite prostitutes working with the
women at the brothel La Palmera. When Paz "selected" Evelyn as a model, Evelyn was probably
flattered because in female brothels travestis have an inferior status. It soon became clear to Paz
that, in contrast to their rivals, the travestis were attracted to the camera. Gradually they became
the focus of her attention. When she enlarged her photographs she took prints as presents to
Evelyn. The latter was delighted when one of these appeared in a glossy women's magazine giving
an account of one of Paz's exhibitions.
It was also at La Palmera that Paz met Pilar-Keko, who had recently returned from Canada.
Evelyn has very fine features, but Keko has thick and coarse face, which he is constantly being
ironic about, saying that his success as a travesti is mainly due to his charm and personality.
The shape of his nose, in particular, tormented him. In Canada he had discovered a method of
making it appear more shapely by sticking a piece of adhesive tape under his fringe. Keko always
maintained that he was gay and that he only dressed up as a woman to make money. "When I
was in Canada I left my facial hair grow and I was happy. leven grew a moustache because it
is not the done thing there to be feminine. Of course, there are queens who go around with
painted faces, but I've never really liked dressing up", he once told uso
One of Paz's earliest portraits of Evelyn belongsto the period when her lover Hctor had
left her for a woman. On that occasion she cut her hair, sold her odalisque costume to Andrea

1M

Polpaico, and decided to leave the "ambiente". Her idea then was to go and work al Claudia's
hairdressing salon. The alternatives to prostitution mentioned by the travestis are: to be a hairdresser, an assistant to a tailor, a waiter, or a domestic servant.
Mercedes Sierra's home was in those days -as it still is- a meeting-place for her sons'

companions, for whom she also cut and sewed the costumes they used in their shows. On Sundays
Pilar would gather her hair up into a bun, put on an apron and wax the floor for the mother.
Mercedes Sierra had six sonso Pilar and Evelyn, whom she calls Keko and Leo, are the
youngest: "Leo insists that he is a woman {lnd thinks he can fool me. He has a small cock, but
Keko is well-endowed: he's got nothing to be ashamed of. When 1 took them to the hospital, so
the doctors could examine them, they told me it was their father's fault. The first time Keko put
on women's clothes 1 beat him almost to death. But now 1 am not unhappy: if God gave them to
me like this, so be it. 1 believe in God and 1 hold him in awe. 1 wasn't about to complain; 1
accepted it because 1 could see 1 was fighting a losing batde. 1 even became quite poplar: 'Here
comes old fatty, the queers' "mammy", they'd shout at me in the street. But it's hard to adapt,
all the same. They come at three in the morning, and they tell me, 'Seora Mercedita, they've
taken Leo'. And 1 jump up and go looking for them in the police stations. 1 take them ordinary
clothes so they can come back home. 1 talk to the lieutenant, 1 explain, 1 tal k to the cops, but
they just laugh at me".
Neighbours' hostility has been the principal cause of Mercedes' frequent moves. She tried
to earn her living as a seamstress, but lost her job: "1 used to sew for Don Miguel Estay, the
owner of a ready-to-wear clothes factory, but when he found out that my two son s were 'colas',
he gave me the push. The neighbours would shove letters under his door. He said, 'It's better
that you should go, Mercedes'. Vivaceta is the only 'barrio' where they don't bother you".
After our stay in Maribel's brothel it wasn't easy to re-establish relations with the Paredes
Sierra family. Several times we went to La Carlina and found ourselves banging on a locked door.
We went to see Pancho, an ex-transvestite prostitute, now old, whom Paz had met when he was
working as a waiter at La Palmera, which is also in Vivaceta Street. He assured us that Evelyn
was indeed working at La Carlina's and told us to keep on trying.
A week later, at about two o'clock in the afternoon, we found the si de door of the brothel
open. 1 don't recall who let us in, but we managed to get into the bedrooms. That was the hour
things started to stir in the brothel. Evelyn was still in bed, so 1 finally got to meet her. We
smoked a few cigarettes and she told us that they were all completely knackered because there'd
10S

been a barbecue the night before and the punters from the Hipdromo had kept them busy till

dawn. Andrea Polpaico appeared in the eerie light which barely penetrated the balustraded gallery
onto which the dark rooms opened, with a towel wrapped round her waist; she was showing
breasts, which in Talca she had swom never to grow. Evelyn told us that Keko was training as
a hairdresser at a shop in the "barrio alto". She gave us his address and we eventually found
him there.
Mercedes had spoken no more than the truth when she said, "1 don't know if he's crazy or
not, but Keko wins everyone's affection". Thrilled to see us, Keko introduced us to his female
colleagues and to his boss, CarIo, who, just like Mercedes, delegated a number of matters to
him. CarIo fell for us, and afterwards told Keko, "How marvellous your friends are, they have
style!" He invited us to stay in his shop, which doubled as his apartment after closing time. We
talked about fashion and hairstyles. CarIo complained that we didn't use make-up to its best
advantage, and offered Paz a permanent wave free of charge, tints included. He couldn't understand
"why we didn't make the most of what we had".
That night the Miss Chile contest was on TV. Several other guests arrived, including Carlo's
lover, a young man who, he said, "made him live on his nerves". This character described to
us how to make money without working: you set up an employrnent agency for domes tic servants.
According to him, this produced a double income with no more outlay than the cost of renting
a telephone and an office, since he charged both the women seeking employment and those
offering it.
We watched the election of Miss Chile, while Pilar served 'Piscolas'. CarIo showed us
photographs of a fancy-dress party at which he and Pilar had both wom gipsy costumes. In Talca,
Pilar had described her "depraved gipsy" show, which she had worked out after seeing a TV
programme that featured Lisa Minelli. She hummed a tune: it was Rimski Korsakov. That night
al Carlo's shop, Keko announced that he was saving up to go and "triumph" in Holland. That
was the last time we saw him.

106

CONVERSATION

WITH

MERCEDES

It was Chantal who took us from La Carlina's to Mercedes and Evelyn's elusive address. We sat
down to tea and talked about husbands and lovers while we waited for Evelyn to come home.
Chantal removed a bandage from her left wrist and showed us the scars of four wounds she had
recently inflicted on herself "from being so much in love" with aman who had left her.
The eight families sharing the tenement's only courtyard raise hens and ducks as a kind
of insurance against hunger, the idea being that they will one day provide nourishing soup. Over
one of the doors was Hector's handprint. He had once soaked the palm of his hand in white paint
and used it to mark the entrance to Evelyn's room.
Evelyn dyes her mother's hair and Mercedes accepts this display of affection. This rite
takes place regulary under the many different roofs that are the staging-posts in Mercedes'
unwilling odyssey. But now Pilar-Keko is missing. Convinced that she was doing good business,
she boarded an aeroplane bound for Europe with a bag of cocaine in her stomach. When she
reached Germany, this was instantly discovered and she was put in jail. She sent Mercedes a
post-card of a cat from prison, and Evelyn succeeded in finding a living replica in the shape of
a ginger kitten, which she gave to her mother. Mercedes named it Keko and regards it as a sort
of talisman.

Is Leo working nowadays? No. He went back to the jail with a friend to retrieve his
costumes. You're going to ask me how I've been keeping. Well them, 1 don't even have money
to buy bread. Since Leo was jailed 1 haven't be en able to go out, and that's what's getting me
down. 1 would have liked to have visited him with loads of fruit and things, but where would 1
get them from? The entire week he spent in jail 1 stayed at a flophouse, where they asked me a
whole lot of questions, even though 1 look perfectly clean. And have you heard from Keko? Not
a thing, because Leo doesn't read me his letters. He hides them in a box somewhere, but 1
know what they say: take care of Mummy, give her everything you can. But oh how everything

that happens to that child affects me! Do you love all 01 them as much, Seora Mercedes?

107

It's not clear even to me, and 1 ask myself, how can 1 love them so. But Keko's the one 1 love
most, and when 1 die, I'd like it written down that lloved Keko most, so Leo knows. 1 wanted
to live alone with Keko but the other one carne along and said to me, "Mum, I'll stay with you".
He has hidden my identity cardo 1 asked him for it, because 1 needed it to get a loan so 1 could

send sorne little things to Keko. Keko has been leaming how to mend shoes in Frankfurt, and
now they say he's a master of the draft. A friend of his from India told me in a letter that my
son is a true artist. Do you think Keko likes doing this as ajob? No, but there's no choice. Keko
likes the artistics life. He lives for the night; they both live for the night. Leo looks good, but
Keko looks even better. Of course, I'm prejudiced. Doesn't that hurt Leo's feelings? I don't careo
I was in an old people's home, but he carne and took me away. He said he needed me. Out of

loa

love, perhaps? Out of love? No, not out of love, young lady. Sure, he loves me, but not that
much; he 's very cheeky. 1 say, "you can be ,insolent to anyone you like, but not me: I'm your
mother". But he doesn't careo I don't shout or make a fuss, but I am offended by what he says.
Because, let's be clear about this, 1 had aman, you know, lloved Manuel, but Leo drove him
out. I don't know exactly what he said to him, but one day Manuel announced that he was going
out to buy a chicken and he never carne back. Perhaps Leo wants you all to himself? He doesn't
even want me as a servant. I'd like to go into ahorne now. I'm going to suffer, of course, but 1
can't stand Leo a moment longer. You're obviously angry with him right now, but how do you
imagine Leo would manage on his own? He's got his lover, that skinny Hctor. But the week
Leo went into jail, we saw neither hide nor hair of Hctor. So 1 say, what sort of love is that?
Bloodsucking, that's aH it is. Anyone who stays with a "cola" is out to exploit him. But it was
just the same with Manuel. He left me because 1 hadn't any money. How is it that as soon as a
woman hasn't any more money, her man ups and leaves? Manuel told me it was because I was
so down in the dumps. But where's the love in that? Are you still in lo ve with Manuel? Ilove
him. Forgive me for saying it, but 1 stilllove him, even though when 1 went to see a fortune-teHer
she told me he was going round with a younger woman. The thing is, he was younger than
me. He is forty and good-Iooking. 1 feel as though I'm almost ninety; 1 was born in 1928.
When we got together, Manuel said to me: "Listen, Mercedes, as soon as 1 saw you 1 said to
myself, this is my chick". He kept on pursuing me till 1 got bored and told him, OK. 1 started
to go out with him al so because 1 got the hots. 1 was happy with that man .. How long were
you together? Eight years. He was mine, but what God gives He also takes away. That's why
1 want to go to a nuns' school, but waht they charge a month is too expensive for me. I'm
really at the end of my tether; 1 start crying, and 1 just can't stop. The thing is , I've suffered

too much on account of that mano No other woman's going to put up with such drunkard. Only
you? Not even me. When he carne in pissed, 1 caHed Leo and that did it, because Manuel has
a great deal o respect for Leo. Leo has a terrible tempero Three weeks ago he threw out my TV
set. He said, "I'm going to pour shit on aH your precious little things". But God doesn't allow
such things to go on for ever: there was nothing much wrong with my television, though for a
whole day 1 let Leo believe he'd reaHy broken it. Next morning he was very sweet to me; he said,
"Mum, you pack up your TV set and I'H get it repaired". Maybe Leo is worried about the
way things are going in Vivaceta? There was a police raid; it was pretty bad. They don't let
people work here. 1 asked him why he didn't go back to Talca, but he doesn't like it there, so
he wouldn't. Maybe it's because he doesn't want to leave me. We have our fiare-ups, but once
it's over it's as though it never happened. 1 have noticed that he's very affectionate towards yOU.
He is sometimes, when he has money: because my pension is a mere pittance. My husband,
God rest his soul, worked for the municipality. We had a pretty house. It's a pity you can't see
it: it was the nicest on the block. It's still there, but we had to mortgage it. Look, if Keko hadn't
got into trouble I'd still be living in a lovely house. He wanted me to have the best house. It was
aH Lucho's fault. He may be very pretty, but 1 never did like him. In a fight once, he stabbed
Keko four times: in the legs, in the arms, everywhere. Keko said, "Never mind, Mum, don't take
me to the hospital". 1 got in a male nurse to take care of his wounds. Are they both in the
same jail? So far they haven't set eyes on each other, thank God. My son 's going through heH
now. Though he says that, aH things considered, it's not too bad. The look after him and he's
with his lover, which is the main thing. And he's said to be weH-dressed. Of course, you could
go around naked and it wouldn't matter a damn as long as you're in love. But being in love, he's
going to have a hard time when he gets out. I don't know what will happen to me if 1 don't ever
see him again. 1 think the sentence for drugs is very long. 1 wish 1 knew how to write properly.
I know how to write, but not weH, not so 1 could write to a boss and explain aH about my son.

1"

I am nearly always excited by the clients. In this kind of work something quite strange happens:
I'm the one who handles the meno I both penetrate and let myself be penetrated, but I'm happiest
playing the woman. The trouble is that the majority of those that come here are passive, and if
one does only the woman's act, you don't get clients.
Quite often I get shitty vibes, terrible, because I have to go with disgusting old meno For
example, only last Friday I had to go with an old man who, I swear, was a real pig. But that day
I didn't have a cent. I said to myself, I'll just have to put up with it. He stank like mad: they
call him "Old Spice". But I couldn't afford to be choosey, so I had to take him - no use complaining.
When an old pig arrives the first thing I do is turn off the lights and start fantasising to
"get myself in the mood. I tell myself: "Here I am, with such a lovely man, oh God", though I
know that what I am touching is nothing but a lump of jelly. But, you know, fantasising like this
actually works. These old pigs are really nutty; they ask me to tell them stories. Sometimes two
of us will go together with one of them. The one who is good at telling stories is Chichi: "Imagine,
Daddy, that there's a little doll whose cunt is just starting to grow hairs, and you are about to
screw her". The old men go mad. I also had one who' d tell me stories to excite me: "Imagine
yourself lying there, and a whole regiment, all of them with stiff cocks, are marching to fuck
you". Mterwards I had to tell him the same stories ...
Before, you used to get a better class of people, and you saw sorne stunning meno I'd ask
myself: "Why do they come if they're so nice?" The answer is that everyone has their queer spot;
none is totally maleo Sorne turn out to be even more female than I am when I go to bed with
them. I ask them, why do they come to me, and they answer that it is to trick life. They don't
want to accept that v:hat they really like is meno But with us, they can see the face of a woman,
though they know that down below is aman. Summer holidays are good because grass widows
come in dozens. March is bad because that's when they've got to buy satchels for their children
to take to school.
The majority of my clients come once a fortnight. The oldest one I have is Alfredo. We
neck for a while, we go to bed and that's it. He'll penetrate me and he's bad looking. There are
110

others who like to penetrate and be penetrated. There is one who wants to go steady with me.
He's very sweet; he says: "You're looking so beautiful; I wanted to see you so much ... " I can

spend hours with that man, who tells me all about his problems at home. He is divorced, but
most of those who come here are married. Last time the police carne they found a naked guy in
my bed. Luckily I wasn't with him at the time, but they still took us both and shoved us into a
poli ce caro To calm him down I said, "Don't worry about me, I never saw you in my life". The
man was still white as a sheet and sweat ran down his face, so I told the police that he'd be en
tricked into thinking we were women. They said: "He can't be as dumb as all that, when Carlina is
known the world over as a male brothel". At the police station he was registered as a homosexuaL ..

STREET TWO
This year I have been inside seven times. Last time it was with La Pecho. Street Two is the one
for the "colas", but they also send rapists there, so they don't get raped by other inmates. Because
once inside, those who've raped a liule girl or an old woman will get their come-uppance, and
anyone can screw them. When aman is feeling randy he'll screw them whether they want it or
noto When they've been well and truly done over, they're thrown into Street Two - for security
reasons, so they say ... They also send prisoners there whose lives have been threatened by other
inmates. If they are not "colas" when they first come to Street Two, they soon leam to adapto
There are many "colas" who are in for life. I've known Chola as a prisoner as long as I can
remember. She is old, ugly and sinister, but she thinks she's Queen of the Street. She washes
clothes for other inmates and for those guards who are single, and have come to Santiago from
other places. Chuma is another one. She killed her father. She says it was her mother who did
it, but she too k the blame. Chuma is skinny, tall, twenty-six years old, and she's in for ever.
There is a fat "cola", another murder case, who is here for life. She used to rent a house but as
the owner was having relations with her, she stopped paying rent. One day the old man objected,
so she bumped him off. She buried him in the yard. She dug a hole, this ridiculous queen, and
decided to bury the old man standing up, so that his head was only just under the surface. Well,
the "cola" kept the house, and started to let out rooms. She let one to a couple who had a dog,
111

and the dog went into the yard and started digging...
In Street Two everybody has been knifed. They have orgies and they get high, because

there is always somebody to provide pep-pills and grass. They shut themselves up and take
concentrated marijuana so as to get high, and then the scandals start. What's "in" is carving
their own arms and legs with sharp knives. That's how bored they are; they don't want a fight,
it's out of sheer boredom. I've a scar here on my eyebrow, which I got fighting the Duchess, who
retired from the "ambiente". We went for one another with our high heels.
The poli ce and the "pacos" like "colas". They're all the same: they abuse their power.
They take off their identity badges. You ask them to pay in advance, but they don't pay at all.
But there was one who was really ni ce and carne around every week. He'd pay for the drinks
and when he arrested us he'd reduce the fine. But in general, they're crooks. The "pacos" take
us into the van and won't let us go until we've spent quite sorne time with them. There's no
problem, though, in choosing between spending a few moments with a "paco" and going to jail.

F O R ME, P I LAR C O ME S F I R S T
Mum stayed with Pilar and me because once she saw that we were "colas" and would never
marry, she realized that we'd never leave her. My father died sorne fifteen years ago, of cirrhosis
of the liver. He played the innocent with uso The only thing he'd say was, ''These kids, they're
really nutty". He never wanted to know that we were "colas". My mother, on the other hand,
always took our si de and feh quite at ease with our friends. She went with us to La Carlina's
when we put on our show. Our other brothers were too ashamed to bring home their friends; they
got married and never considered her again. In the end she decided to stay with us, because she
had nothing else to cling too I don't go anywhere: just work to home, and home to work.
I never went out with women. They didn't disgust me, but they annoyed me because they
didn't seem to grasp that I was a "cola". When I fell out with my first lover, 1 became a travesti,

112

l'd never dressed up as a woman before that. This lover and 1 used to write letters to each other
and when his family found out we were going round together, I told him he could stay with his
family, because he'd have them all his life, but our relationship would come to and end one day.
1 shut myself up for a whole year. I was bored, had no work and my morale was so low that 1
said to myself: I'll work as a whore because it's the only way I'll be able to forget that mano Pilar

already belonged to the "ambiente". She gave me clothes and a wig. 1 went to Chico Lucho, who
said: "Dress up as a woman and you'll forget all your problems". Pilar took me to San Camilo,
to Doa Lupa. 1 didn't like San Camilo, and 1 carne to La Carlina's where 1 feh more protected.
1 enjoyed putting on women's clothes because they make you feel more glamourous and the clients
flatter you, though when 1 began this life 1 wasn't a shadow of my present self. Little by liule 1
leamt how to dress and put on make-up. Ximena, who must be about forty now, told me what
suited me best. 1 picked my name because there was a beautiful "cola" called Evelyn who went
off to France. She told me: "One day I'll be old and you'll be my successor. When they ask you
your name as a woman, you tell them: Evelyn". 1 liked her because she looked exactly like
Sophia Loren. Mum also used to dress up and look pretty. Not any longer, because her man left
her. 1 dye her hair and 1 buy her make-up. She likes me to make her up. She likes people to
pay attention to her and gets cross when 1 don't. But for me, Pilar comes first. 1 put her before
Hctor and my mum; before anyone. Pilar has been the greatest support I've had in my life.
Whatever happened, good or bad, she was always on my side. When 1 got fits of depression and
wasn't working, Pilar would give me everything. She'd dress me and give me money to live on,
so 1 never lacked for anything. She's an optimist. She never gives up, whereas the slightest thing
gets me down. 1 miss Pilar terribly. If 1 was sure she was alright, it would be fine, but she's far
away and unwell. 1think of her every night and ask Cod to help her and not to leave her on her own.

113

ALL 1 NEEDED WAS LOVE

1 met Hctor at a birthday party and picked him up as if he belonged to me, without asking him
if that was what he wanted. 1 snatched him from a "cola". 1 gave him money right in front of
this "cola", and sent him to the cinema. 1 said, "Go and see a film and come and loo k for me
round about twelve o'clock". Hctor didn't have anywhere to stay so he went with me. We've
been together for five years. It's the longest relationship I've ever had, and the crasiest.
When we started, 1 was deeply involved. 1 got used to having him. 1 wouldn't let him go
out, not even to the street comer. 1 no longer make such a big deal out of things, but when he
left me 1 thought 1 was going to die. 1 was losing something 1 had wanted so much, and had

fought so hard to obtain. What happened was, 1 spent a month in jail and he found himself a
woman. He didn't come and see me. When 1 carne out he'd left the house. 1 tried to kill myself.
1 was going to hang myself from the stair-rail we had when we lived in Calle San Luis. A "cola"
happened to come past and found me. He started to talk to me, saying 1 must learn to love
myself. 1 was in a very bad way; it was horrible. AH 1 needed was love, nothing else. I'd start
crying. I'd go out in the evenings to places where 1 might find Hctor. 1 nearly died when 1
discovered he was going around with a woman. Later, Hctor carne back.
Another time he got the idea that he'd get work as a mechanic. He lasted a week. 1 told
him, "It's aH the same to me whether you work or not, because I'H never take a cent from you".
He eamed sorne money and spent aH of it at once. He carne back all dressed up, looking fantastic,
with a bottle of booze. He'd spent everything in one go, because he's the sort of guy who's
rightened of having money; he simply isn't used to it.
Before, no matter what time 1 carne in, I'd have to make love to him. Now it doesn't matter.
It doesn't appeal to me like it used too The thing is, wve spent so much time together that 1
know exactly what's going to happen. 1 even have a pretty shrewd idea of what he must be thinking
about when he's with me.

114

During the years of our acquaintance with the travestis, and especialIy with the Paredes Sierra
family, they never asked us any questions about our personallives, nor did they ever ask for so
much as a cent. The only economic assistance we gave them was to pay for the alcohol we alI
consumed, and contri bu te to the common pot - buying margarine, spaghetti, hot dogs, etc. At
the end of 1986, when we told Evelyn that we wanted to write a book about her and her colIeagues,
she readily agreed to cooperate.
Up till then we had not been able to get near Hctor, Evelyn's lover. The first time we saw
him, he hardly even said helIo, and his dog, Perla, snapped at our ankles. Looked at objectively,
1 have certainly been in more dangerous situations, but 1 have never felt more afraid than when
confronted by Hctor's bitch.
Although Hctor usualIy too k his dog out with him, on one occasion he left her at home.
"Go away, Perla", Mercedes shouted, adding, "she doesn't bite realIy. She cowers if you shout
at her. 1 tried to give her to the dogcatchers when they carne around but they wouldn't take her
because she's female. They take male dogs, but not bitches. Once 1 walked alI moming, took
her miles trying to get rid of her, and carne home on my own by bus; but she soon carne back,
she always comes back".
We were still there when Hctor retumed three hours latero From his side of the room,
which was curtained off, he could hear us translating a letter that Keko's Bengali lover, Kumar,
had written to Mercedes. She then dictated to us a letter to Keko in which she begged him to
come back soon because she was ill. Mercedes lives in fear of never seeing him again: "This is
undermining my health. They've already cut off one of my breasts, and now it seems the damned
thing's spread to the other side. The doctor told me: 'When you're ready to die, come and see
me and I'lI arrange everything for you'. My arm's stiff, and sometimes 1 can't feel my fingers".
On another of our visits, Hctor sat down to have tea with uso 1 asked him if he'd mind tying up
Perla, and then we discussed footbalI, which he plays on the "barrio's" field. When Paz asked
him if she could take his picture, he said he didn't like photos.
It was only after observing us for sorne time that Hctor carne to accept uso Evelyn's
mediation may also have had sorne influence. He only realIy talked to me when he saw that 1
I1S

was no longer afraid of Perla: Sport relaxes you. To telI you the truth, 1 go to the field even when

1 don't play, because we aH get together there, mue k around and have a chal.
How do you amuse yourself when you're not down at the field? 1 might take a stroIl, look
around, keep my eyes open. 1 look for sorne other kind of "ambiente". 1 might suddenly decide
to wash my clothes, as 1 don't like Leo doing il. 1 don't like asking favours. Leo is jealous, yes,
sometimes he sees things that aren't there. You once left him? It was because of Mercedes, she
can really get under your skin, watching, staring and that, it makes you fe el really fed up. Do

you think that Leo loves you more than you love him? Possibly. For example, he once treid to
kill himself.. What did you feel when that happened? A great sadness - knowing that someone
tried to kill himself because of me. 1 felt sorrow, as if 1 wasn't worthy of it. Where were you
brought up? At the Fundacin Nio y Patria*. 1 don't know my parents. I've always wanted to
know them, but there's no way of finding out about them. 1 think about them, though. For instance,
1 always remember my mother on Mother's Day. As a child the only dream 1 ever had was that
1 should get to know her, know all about her, see her. She's been described to me so often. Are
there people around who know her? Of course, and they've told me sorne pretty ugly things.
Like what? Oh, that she belonged to the "ambiente". I've wanted to meet her so that 1 can
ask her if it's true. How did you meet Leo? It's a long story. When 1 was ahout fifteen 1
ranaway from the Fundacin because 1 was bored, and in the Paseo Ahumada 1 met a "cola"
who invited me to his birthday party, and there 1 met Leo. Did you have a bad time at the
Fundacin? No, not reaHy, but when we misbehaved they punished uso We stole bread and
jamo The food wasn't very good, and they didn't give you enough of it. How do you get on
with Leonardo? When 1first met him 1 really needed somebody because 1 didn't have anywhere
to sleep or anybody to lean on. But it's pretty hard to sustain a relationship like ours. Many
people think it's somehow different, but it isn't really. 1 see the travesti as answering a need. 1
have never gone round with any other "cola" fmm the "ambiente", only Leonardo. How much
does he mean to you? Leonardo has helped me a lot in a moral and spiritual way. Thanks to
him, and to his mother and his brother, 1 have found a family, and that has helped me. I've told
him that I'm here because he has a family. How was Keko with you? He's a lively persono He
11

*Fundacin Nio y Patria: Orphanage.

has many admirable qualities, though they're hard to see. He worked hard to please Mercedes
and Leo and me. He'd give me money for cigarettes, beer and the like. When 1 fought with Leo,
he'd say to me, "Don't pay any attention to him". 1 took his advice, and now when things go
wrong between Leo and me, 1 simply go off and say nothing. 1 prefer to leave him arguing with
himself.

117

11

F R A N K F U R T, M A R C H 2 O 1 9 8 6
HelIo, well-remembered Leito:
y ou have no idea how happy a day yesterday was for me. 1 got your leUer, and 1 feh as if
they'd told me 1 was free. It was delivered to my room. 1 can call it that here, because it has
bathroom and a radio with earphones and it is very preUy. They were bringing me my lunch when
1 caught sight of your envelope, and 1 forgot everything else. 1 dropped my tray and they had to
give me everything all over again, though it was pointless as 1 couldn't eat a thing because 1 was
so happy. 1 am glad that you are well, though you don't tell me if you are working or not; 1 hope
you are. It was also a great pleasure to hear about Mum. 1 have dreamt a lot, both about her and
about you, and thank God that you always seem to be well, at least physically.
You must be patient. My troubles won't last for ever. Time passes slowly, but I've beco me
philosophical. I've got to know many people, because as 1 told you before, you find people here
from all over the world. 1 get along well with the Latn Americans; but the best are the Spaniards
and the Italians. My close Spanish friend had to go somewhere el se to finish his sentence.
Another good thing is that there is a metal workshop, but it is difficuh to get a job there.
1 asked for one when 1 first arrived but it was only yesterday that they gave it to me; sorne thing
for which 1 am thankful to God. Today was my first working day. It is not heavy work, but 1 do
not like to think what it will do to my hands. You work seven hours a day and they pay you
according to the number of pieces you produce. With the money you make you can buy clothes,
food, shoes, in the supermarket that we have, and you can save up as much as you like for when
you are released.
As soon as 1 started at the workshop everybody talked to me. They asked me my name and
where 1 carne from. Hopefully, everything will be different now, and with God's help, even if it
kills me, 1will work as hard as 1can so that when 1come back to Chile 1won't be too badly off.
I'm only too aware that I'm going to be here for a long time. My lawyer, who is very kind,
visits me regularly, and has told me that 1 won't be out for three years. What 1 want aboye all
else is for you to be weH and if you don't mind me saying so, please take care of Mum and look
after her weH. You and Mum are my family. 1 love Erika very much, but you know how the
others aH go their own way. This is why, for me the most important thing in the world is you and

my Mum. Give my regards to CarIo, to Fatty: tell her to take more care of herself, because she
is too fat; she needs to dance a loto Here they play the Conga quite a bit. In Chile now it is three
o'dock in the afternoon, and I can hardly bear to end this letter.
Ciao, Leito, loo k after yourself, I love you both.
Sergio

F R A N K FU R T, S E P T E M B E R 1, 1 9 8 8
Hello Eve:
I hope you are well. It is not so cold here at the momento I was not going to call you Leio
any more, but "the letter-writer", since your letters don't arrive though I wait for them with more
anxiety than I would wish on anybody.
Leito, on August 18 I posted you a money order. Forgive me for sending so little, but 1
trust there will be more in October. I've told you 1do piece-work, but lately 1have not been feeling
well. My blood pressure is high, and though I have very unpleasant symptoms, nobody can
explain them.
This letter is just to say hello, because to be honest, there is not much to tell you. My life
consists of eating, working and sleeping. I am sending you these cuttings of lovelies, taken from
magazines. I have nothing to report about my situation and they can keep me here till the "da
del pico"'* if they want. I swear to you 1 can't bear the silence much longer.
Write to me and cheer up; have a good time, and dance a lot of "cuecas "*in a starched
dress and white shoes - after all, this is the only life you've got.
Give my regards to your husband, and to Vanessa. A bit kiss to Mum. My love to you.
Ciao,
Keko

11

* Da del pico: Literally "cock's day", Le. nevero

* Cueca(s}: Chilean national dance.

MARIBEL'S

u T o B 1 o G R A P H Y

1 was bom on August 3 with the name of Ivn Silva Monsalves. My first months as a schoolboy
were unhappy because they punished me for the dirtiness of both my clothes and my exercise
books. My mother paid no attention to me, and the more 1 grew, the more she beat me. "When
1 was nine years old things got harder. 1 had to do all the household chores. 1 got up at seven
in the moming to light the fire in the kitchen. 1 made myself a cup of fig-coffee, an egg and
sorne bread. 1 drank the coffee with my mother's shouts ringing in my ears. 1 had to wash up
everything 1 had used before 1 left for school.
At school 1 never played with the other boys, always with the girls. My teacher was very
nice to me. Her name was Mara Cordero Macaya. When she went away 1 was left in the hands
of a teacher Guillermo Delgado. 1 can't explain how he succeeded in seducing me. As head of
the class, 1 stayed on until everyone had left, cleaning up the classroom. The teacher invited me
to have a Coca Cola and then he tumed me around, pulled down my pants and started to have
sex with me.
One day 1 was walking down the street and the children standing at the comer called out
to me, "Eunuch, Carlos Mara", and my mother heard them. She punished me and then sent me
on an errand to my aunt's house, dressed as a girl. 1 went completely without shame. By then 1
was ten years old.
At about eleven 1 became rebellious and started to answer mother back. 1 shouted at her
and she became so furious that she tried to choke me, pressing her knee on my throat. 1 ran
away from home; 1 had a hard time because 1 had nothing to eat. The police caught me and sent
for my father, who took me home. My mother was such a cynic that she even squeezed out a tear
or two. Mterwards, 1 leamt that she was not really my mother; nor was my father my father.
1 managed to find my real mother, whose name was EIsa. 1 asked her to tell me the story
of my life. She said, "1 gave birth to you and left you in the care of the Silva Monsalves family.
"When 1 went to get you they told me I'd have to pay them the cost of your upbringing before 1
could take you away. 1 struggled to save the money. You father, whose name is Alejandro, also
helped by providing sorne animals. But they'd paid a witness, and had you registered under
another name".
120

1 stole money from my adoptive father and travelled in a lorry down to the port ofTalcahuano.

I worked for eight months delivering cooked meals to different houses. I was already a homosexual.
In Valparaso I met a homosexual named Fabiola, who invited me to work with him. I liked the
idea, so I stayed. I dressed as a woman, which made me feel fulfilled, and I began to work as
a prostitute.
I went to Santiago, and there things were not quite so easy because the poli ce wouldn't
leave you alone. I worked out ways of getting out of police vans. At the San Camilo "barrio" I
managed to save so much money that I set up a secret house, but because of an intrigue this
didn't last very long. I spent ayear and two months in jail, without being in any way responsible
for what got me in. That is why I regard justice as being so unjust. I left jail so full of hate and
resentment that I went straight to Vivaceta, to La Carlina's. There I learnt to dance, which I
liked very mucho It changed my life. I took out an artist's licence and I shone as woman in
theatres, stadiums and night clubs. My show was so convincing that they all thought I was a
woman. But at the end of the show I used to remove my wig so they could see I was a travesti.
I travelled to many places: Arica, Tocopilla, Iquique, Calama, Antofagasta, Coquimbo,
San Antonio, Valparaso, Los Angeles. I had only myself to worry about. By then I was a young
adulto I only got news of my family when I went to Talcahuano to play at a nightclub. Sorne
cousins who did not know who I was arrived. I told them, "1 am Ivn, the son of Osear". They
were not convinced that I was not a woman. They told me my father had died nine months before.

121

A F TER N O O N

A T

CARLINA

We considered our work was finished once we had succeeded in getting Hctor to trust us and
the travestis had allowed us into La Carlina's clandestine salon3 This happened to coincide with
the visit of the Pope John Paul II to Chile in Apri11987.
Evelyn, Priscilla, Macarena, Leila and Caty all took part in photographic sessions; Mercedes
also carne to one. She was happy because it had been months since she had been out. The Pope's
visit was an inevitable topic of conversation. One month before the Pope kissed the landing strip
at the Chilean airport the travestis had confided in us their anxiety: they had been threatened
with 60 days "preventative jailing" owing to the imminence of this event. Mercedes said, "1 don't
believe a word that gentleman says. I don't like the Pope; the police will certainly be more alert
than ever. They're quite capable of removing up to half the household. Chichi has already run
away to Talca. She pawned everything to get a bit of money. She couldn't take it: they picked
her up twice last week".
La Carlina's famous brothel was definitively closed at the time of the military coup in
September 1973. The owner, Carlina Morales Padilla, variously known as "Aunt Carlina", "The
Queen of the Night" and "Chile's Madam", disappeared. There were different and contradictory
versions of her fate; one was that she had become a millionaire investor living in New York;
another that she was an impoverished old woman; a third that the ex-entrepreneur was pretending
to be her own domes tic servant and opening the door of her residence in the "barrio alto".
Everybody in Chile has heard of La Carlina and the mere mention of her name is enough
to further fantasies. Everybody claims to have known her, or at least seen her. Carlina Morales
Padilla became the owner of nearly aH the brothels in Santiago, and her intuition proved correct
when she turned the Vivaceta house into an exclusively travesti brothel. She organized the historie
"Blue Ballet", and in the days of the Republic she bragged of receiving Deputies and Senators
at her salon. Today, the travesties retain apparently cornforting memories of the times when they
enjoyed the protection of this woman of humble origin, an ex-prostitute who first learnt to exploit
her own body and afterwards those of others.

122

The moment finally carne when we had to pass through the low and narrow false wooden
door, on all fours, to enter the salon. Coral, like aH the rest, dressed up and put on her make-up
when she went into the salon; but her metamorphosis was especiaHy spectacular. In her jockey

cap, she would have passed unnoticed in the street. When she took it off, however, and freed
her long reddish-tinted hair, she ceased to be shy and became exuberant; by the time her make-up
was completed, she had been transformed into a diva. Over on the other si de Evelyn, who was
also ready for the photos, put on a black velvet ribbon so as to cover her Adam's apple.
A faded painting of Madame Buuerfly adorned the rear of the now empty stage, where years
before the "Blue Ballet" had been rehearsed and performed in all its choreographic glory. At the
opposite end of the salon, there was a picture of a mermaid, obviously by the same hand. 1 asked
Caty who had painted these murals. She replied, "Ingrid, may her soul rest in peace" - Ingrid
was a travesti who had been murdered in 1973.
Caty was not dressed as a woman. She explained: "1 stopped being active 14 years ago.
Everything has its time: I'm 40 now, and you can't put back the clock. 1 had my "cafiche",(lO)
1 had everything but money: that 1 drank. 1 used to like buying liule bracelets, and necklaces,
and 1 chose my costumes carefully, as I'm so short. 1 don't have fine features, in fact they' are
rather grotesque, so 1 had a thick fringe and a bun. Just a bun, and high heels".
1 was recording her, and she asked me, "What are you doing this for?" 1 told her that sorne
day 1 would like to write a book on the life of travestis. She said, "Oh! So that's your aim. That
book is important to you. It's good to have ambitions. I'd like to tell you my life in all its details.
There are sorne funny parts and sorne which are sad, very sad. Sometimes 1 get bored. I'd have
a good time, but, forgive me for saying this, I once had a relationship with a priest that was like
being married. 1 don't want to see him now because he only likes young guys. See this scar on
my eyebrow? The priest hit me with a boule. Now he's come back to me because he's ill. He
had an operation on his stomach, you understand, he's got ulcers. 1 sorne times think he is
suffering from AIDS. I'd like you to ask me about that disease: I'm not afraid of it. 1 wouldn't
mind geUing it because I've had a good time. I've been totally degenerate". Coral does no show
any fear o geUing AIDS either. None of them is afraid of AIDS".
Coral had be en listening. She carne over to the tape-recorder and said she understood our
intention of writing a book.
123

Chantal had told us how humiliated she had feh when the poli ce too k her and two of her
colleagues to the Medical School to answer questions from the students. They had stayed the

whole night at the police station and next day they were forced to put on make-up and weal
costumes and were again taken to the university lecture-room. Coral had been part of the "sample"
and said she had enjoyed "chatting with the future doctors". She said, "We arrived at the
University of Chile and my friends felt a little bashful, especially Cris. The students wanted to
know how I felt and I told them that we were boys who practised the oldest profession in the
world and that we competed with the girls for the public's favours. Then they asked us whether
we felt at home in society and other such important questions; and they asked me how I felt when
confronting them. Well, I told them, like any other persons, but with different ideas. They were
very friendly, and quite stunning. I enjoyed sharing my experiences with them".
While Coral was putting on her make-up she had said, "1 have the soul of a whore". I
asked her to explain what she meant: "It's something you feel. You do it because you like it and
you are fulfilled: getting to know people, getting to know meno I'll give you an example, many
come to me not because they want sex, but to have a chat, have a drink, or share a cigarette;
this way you find out what people from the outside world think. The most 'macho' will become
your best friend and understand your way of living. In my case, I wanted to be a priest, and I
still feel attracted by the idea. I was very much a Catholic and I still am".
1 asked her what she thought about the Pope. She replied, "1 don't feel any animosity
towards the Pope, but I don't worship him or adore him, because he is just like any other persono
He is only an instrument. There is nothing special about him beyond the fact that he embodies
so much history, centuries and centuries of it. He is a good sportsman, he likes to ski. He is a
perfectly ordinary mortal who could even have sex, or be a good family man".
What did she think about the Pope's sexuality? "Look" , she said, "1 think night-time
emissions must help him greatly. At night you come without knowing, while you're asleep. It
happened to me when for a time I gave up masturbating; I used to dream and then I'd come. 1
think the Pope is partly helped by these wet dreams and other sexual manifestation".

124

w s

o R A L

1 don't know what carne over Coral. She wiped off her make-up and flew out on to the street at
about four in the morning. The next day she carne back at ten, fu11 of regret that she'd a110wed
her religious feelings to get the better of her. She had cut of her hair and taken it to her mother
so as to make her realise that she'd retired from the "ambiente". Then she ca11ed the "colas"
and gave away a11 her things. She said it was because of the Pope; through listening to him,
she'd come to realize that the life she was leading was wrong. Pure madness, since Coral wouldn't
even eat an egg if it meant throwing the she11 away; she was that tight-fisted, dear old Coral.

y ou' d ask her for a cigarette, and she' d say, "No, dearie, but 1'11 se11 you one. They cost money,
you know". She was a real misero She wouldn't even give you the stub of cigarette. Then suddnely
she is overcome by this mania to give a11 her things away. After exploting herself for five years
to accumulate what she had! She gave away her wardrobe, her bed with its carved wooden
headboard, her chest of drawers, her radio, everything. She went to La Piojera* to se11 triple
sandwiches.

*La Piojera: A large, very cheap bar, near the market, in Santiago, catering for the chronic alcoholics of the area. The name
125

literally means "louse-house",

Seor Gastn Padilla lives in a poor tenement that les halfway between La Carlina's and the
General Cemetery. Every day he walks to his mother's tomb and waters the grass and the flowers.
He also regularly reads the obituaries in El Mercurio, so as to inform himself about the deaths
of those he calls his "dear friends".
Padilla is familar with the first and second name of the dead who -in contrast with the
modest owners of "eternal sleep for five years"': located in the periphery of this city of three
million dead- built an elegant "barrio" with mausoleums imitating the architectural styles of
periods as far apart as the Pharaonic Dynasties and the Third Reich.
The condition of the statues, Egyptian pyramids, plinths, angels, marble gravestones is a
subject of constant concern to Seor Padilla. He suffers when their forlon state reveals the neglect
of relatives, and celebrates when he observes signs of improvement in the condition of these
mansions of silence. He goes to funerals wearing a cloak in winter and carrying a sunshade in
summer. Paz Errzuriz first met Seor Padilla at her father's funeral. He told her:
y our grandmother was a saint, just like your aunt Consuelo Errzuriz. They lived in a
palace in Avenida Brasil. She moved from there because they mugged her son Don Federico,
when he was walking home from the "Club de La Unin". She became a widow very young and
was on intimate terms with Seora Mara Isabel. The two were close, very close indeed.
My mother was very elegant; she had everything sent from Paris: hats, stoles, feather boas.
She had a lovely Italian silk dress, but the liule coat did not fit her when she died because her
body was already stiff. 1 cried a lot because she could not wear it. 1 had to remove her diamond
rings, her earrings, and her cultivated pearls. 1 gave the pearls to my sister, as one of her pearls
had died, and said to her, "You put on mother's pearls, and take good care of them".
Before she died mother asked me to put on her usual make-up. She said, ''There'll be
plenty of people coming to see me because 1 have been a saintly woman, faithful and good". 1
combed her hair the way she always did it. She always looked impeccable. She used to say that
you have to look lovely and beautiful when you're waiting for you husband. She was jealous

* "Eternal sleep for five years": the majority of "graves" in Chilean cementeries are rented for five years by those who cannot
126

afford a plOI, or a brick-and-mortar locker in a kind of funeral block-house.

because my father was very handsome: he worked as an accountant at the 'Banco de Talca' and
afterwards Seora Graciela Letelier de Ibez -may her soul rest in peace- found him a place
at the 'Contraloria'. Seora Graciela is in the same tomb as the Pinochet family from Talca. 1
know the Pinochet family, Don Horacio, who was Ambassador to Rome. My mother used to
receive any number of people. She had a large coach, because motorcars were not used in Talca
and all the people carne to play cards in the immense gallery that mother turned into a 'salon':
full of plants, pictures, carpets. The best of society gathered there. And they admired mother
because she had four maids. Mother was very hospitable and gave them ro asted turkeys or pigs.
Everything from the farm. The abundance of bygone days. They drank, and she said, "Blessed
be the Lord. 1have guests whom God has sent me. 1want them to go away thinking well of me".
My mother was a very cultivated woman, she played the piano. She sang to the Virgin. She
received the best families of Talca: the Vergaras, the Tagles, the Donosos, the Astaburuagas,
Jesuit priests. She played the piano at the Municipal Theatre, in a long robe with a diadem and
a diamond necklace. She used to go out in a small open coach to distribute to the poor grapes
and wheat, maize and flour and eggs. She used to raise chickens for the poor. She didn't have
milk on Saturdays or Sundays: she said it was for the poor.
When mother was giving gala performances, 1 used to bathe her and put Pond's cream all
over her body at night as well as during the day. She didn't have any wrinkles or anything, no
lines on her face. We men use Nivea cream: you cut yourself while shaving, put on Nivea cream
and next day everything looks fine. 1 use Nivea cream - 1 have so many corns, you see. They
even put it on babies at the 'Hogar de Cristo'. It's very good for you, this cream.
With mother we always used to be travelling by boat and, later, by planeo Life on board
ship was pure luxury: balls, dinner parties, cocktails! Mother would be invited everywhere and
me too, though 1 scarcely deserved it. When she died, in was sheer grief, tears and sorrow. She
always liked to take my arm and 1 would wait on her: "Mother, shall 1 carry a coat for you?"
"The white one", she'd sayo We spent our summer holidays at the "Rocas de Santo Domingo"
and all the girls, excuse my bragging, were running after me. They used to go to mother and ask
her the time or for a cigarette, as a way of getting to talk to me. Mother was very stiff and proud,
127

and the girls would go away. She'd say, "Here they come, those dull creatures". Afterwards,

we'd take a stroH round the plaza and they used to caH out to her, "Good bye, mother-in-Iaw".
I don't go to the house at the "Rocas de Santo Domingo" any more because it frightens me; I
have rented it out. I've thrown myself into the sea something like six times, in despair, because
of my mother.
Mother wore slacks. She was super-moderno I used to carry her in my arms because she
was afraid to walk down the stairs. "Pure funk, dear heart". She was afraid we might faH together.
My brother brought a memorial from Europe for mother's tomb. It's aH in marble and has
an iron Christ: they use iron a lot in Europe. It has trees, a big marble cup, and a blanket of
moss. I go to see her every day. I feel better there. AH my pains and sorrows leave me, and I
feel happy. The caretakers say to me, "Why don't you bring your lunch, Don Gastn?". And we
have lunch together there, mother and 1: meat, roast, salad, a bit of everything, from a bago
My daddy was a member of the "Club de la Unin", and there he got to know Don Gregorio
Beza: Don Goyo, he used to caH him. They'd have sorne drinks and then play billiards. They're
aH in the cemetery. They caH me and I pray for them. What's more, that gentleman was a saint:
they made marveHous speeches about him. His old school feHows aH said wonderful things. I
cried quite openly. They were going to cremate Don Gregorio Beza. I didn't want that, it hurt
me and made me feel sad. I told the workers at the cemetery that it wasn't necessary because I
could take him to one of the vaults in my mausoleum. I would also like to take your aunt, Consuelo
there and your father, and Don Gregorio and his wife, who was such a good Catholic: Mara
Isabel Bezanilla de Beza, another saint. Before she died I used to bring her here so we could
get together to play cards, take tea and chat; I'd make sorne bread with lard from the farm. I'd
encourage them to bring their husbands, too, so that we could play soft music and dance under
dim lights, like the French do. I still get invitations to dances, but I don't go because I'm now
so weak and feeble.
Darling, would you like sorne tea? Do you want me to light a cigarette for you? I don't want
one, thank you very mucho The other day when we went to the cemetery you looked gorgeous
with that dress down to your ankles. You looked European. I prefer dresses, as mother did,
12

hecause they show off your beautiful legs. As mother used to say, "1 want to show off my legs
to aH the doctors and to my sons". She used to wear sheer silk stockings and stiletto heels.

Mother'd always choose the most beautiful things. Everything from France. 1 felt proud when
people looked at her. They'd ask permission to take photos and then send them to Europe to
show how elegant Chilean women were. She was beautiful. She had green eyes, just like you,
who are so pretty and attractive that everybody looks at you.
1 have a yearly subscription to El Mercurio. 1 get it every day and the first thing 1 read
are the obituaries: these are alwarys of friends, dear friends. 1 send wreaths, 1 go to church and
take Holy Communion. 1 used stay in the cemetery until nine at night. It is through grief at
having lost my dearly beloved mother. The solitude. When 1 come home from the market, 1 think
she is alive, and thinking of her 1 bring the nicest fruit. 1 close the door and lock it, 1 run up
the stairs and she's not there. 1 cry out and weep until my brain's fit to burst. The cards you see
here are condolence cards. 1 find them in the mausoleum, where many people come to visit her,
men of high military rank; she te lIs me; "General so and so was here, the Commanding Officer
who's always looking at me, but 1 was stiff with him because 1 don't like him".
This crystal chandelier is European and these pieces of fumiture, that look like boxes,
were my idea: 1 had them made at Landea Brothers and 1 kept mother's chamber pots in them.
1 also have a Chinese vase, but it is safely stored; there might be an earthquake. 1 was here
having tea when there was an earthquake, praying and having tea. People come to me and ask
me to make them a dessert or a cake. 1 like reading the recipes in El Mercurio. 1 have to study
them a bit before 1 understand them. If you add a little lemon it transforms alI fruit -juices: the
ones 1 put in your drink 1 had brought specialIy from the farm at Colina. Let's have sorne tea
with lemon, then we'lI have a cigarette and a stronger drink.
My brothers said to me, "You have a lot of cloth, vicua wool, cashmere. Give it to uso
You don't wear it because you dress like a hippie and never put on a tie". Before, 1 used to wear
jewelry, diamonds and emeralds around my wrists, or my waist. My ruby medallion was stolen
from me when 1 was mugged on my way back from the market. They knifed me in the face, but
the scar has almost disappeared because of all the Nivea cream I've put on it. But who's going
to look at me? Nobody, because 1 always think of the things I'll do when 1 stand before God.
129

None of us ever went naked in front of my mother. Now people go about naked or in shorts or
bikinis. Sometimes, when there's no-one around 1 put on a bikini, but if anybody arrives 1 put

on my trousers and go down to open the door, in case it's a neighbour asking to use my telephone,
or for the newspaper or a plate of food. 1peep out from upstairs to see who it is and then cover myself.
The other night 1 said a prayer, the "Novena del Carmen", for mother and lit all the candles
in the chandelier. They've been trying to remove that portrait of her but they haven't been able
to: it doesn't want to be moved. The same thing goes for that Christ. He doesn't want to go
upstairs either. Look at that liule mouth, those liule blue eyes, the liule teeth. Like a beautiful
doll 1 know that has small, preUy eyes, God bless them. I'm going to eat them roasted. Good
health to your husbands, mothers, brothers, sons and all the family and may no cloud darken
your present or future happiness. May God preserve your mother' s health for many years for you.

130

(1)

Barrio Alto. The part of the city where the rich live. The rich, well-to-do, professional classes
have little by little extended the city -their part of it- into the foothills of the Andes. Alto
high, both in the physical and in the social sense.

(2)

Cola. Derogatory term applied to male homosexuals, whether prostitutes or noL The term is
sometimes reserved for homosexuals with female mannerisms.

(3)

Boite. Virtually the equivalent of nightclub. Sorne brothels will have a space which they call
'boite' (which is little more than a large room). This is where the shows take place and the inmates
meet, dance, drink with clients, and make deals over services and prices. Saln and 'boite' are
often one and the same place, and only a few brothels have enough space to provide one room
for customers to drink and mix with the inmates in, and another, a proper saln, for dancing or
putting on shows.

(4)

Ambiente. In spoken language, when somebody remarks 'Margarita es del ambiente', he means
that Margarita is a whore. But the use of 'ambiente' does not generally include highly paid
prostitutes who work on their own, or 'call girls', but only those who belong to sorne sort of
fraternity, and it includes the sense of acode of behaviour among its members, and sorne ghetto
characteristics. A possible North American equivalent of 'ambiente' is 'the life'.

(5)

Carabineros. A uniformed member of paramilitary organization (Cuerpo de Carabineros de Chile)

with somewhat ill-defined and disparate functions that range from guarding

th~:

frontiers to

directing the traffic. They do perform police duties, which makes for clashes with the police
proper - the latter belong to civilian organization called Polica de Investigaciones. The derogatory
term for 'carabinero' is 'paco'. One never addresses a 'carabinero' as a 'polica'. The police are
called 'agentes de investigaciones', and known pejoratively as 'tiras' or spelt backwards, 'ratis'.
The 'tiras' are universally des pi sed and hated; the carabineros are sometimes hated, but they are
not usually despised. The term 'poli ce' is applied somewhat loosely, both by the authors and the
travestis themselves, to the 'carabinero-paco' as well as the 'agente-tira-rati'.
1~1

(6)

Prostituto-a. Women or men who offer their bodies as sexual merchandise. Whore and prostitute
are used interchangeably throughout this book.

(7)

Travesti. The word may be a corruption of the clinical term 'tranvestism'. This means someone
who derives pleasure or realeases anxiety, by adopting the dress of the opposite sex; but it does
not have comercial sexual connotations, or imply homosexuality. The word may al so derive from
the English word 'travesty' or the French 'travesti'. Travesti in Chile and in other countries,
means male homosexual prostitute who wears women clothes.

(8)

Cabrn, cabrona. A male or a female who runs a brothel. The term could be translated as
madam or whoremaster. Because of the difference in the use of gender in Spanish and English,
a 'cabrona' may be -and in the book generally is- aman who manages or owns a male brothel.

132

Las autoras agradecen a las siguientes personas su colaboracin en este trabajo:

The authors wish to thank the following people for their help in preparing this book:

EVE - PILAR
THOMAS DASKAM - MARIO FONSECA - ENRIQUE LIHN
GONZALO DONOSO YAEZ - SEBASTIAN BARROS
JUAN DA VILA - DOROTHY HA YES