Shabbos Toldos

,usku, ,ca

30TH of Cheshvan 5775

Nov 22

C O N G R E G AT I O N S H A A R E Y TO R A H

THE SHTIEBLE
9 8 W E S T E N D A V E B R O O K LY N N Y 1 1 2 3 5

HaRav Moshe Plutchok - t"yhka tr,ts trn

R Akiva Eisenstadt - kkuf atr

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SHABBOS SCHEDULE
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Mincha:

4:25 pm

Shacharis:

8:45 am

Sof Zman Krias Shema:

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Daf Yomi:

TBA

Mincha:

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Maariv:

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Avos U Banim:

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6:30 am

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RAV MOSHE ON PARENTING

R Akiva Eisenstadt Rosh Kollel
Many (many) years ago, the new York health authority
aired a now famous commercial where a parent was scolding,
exhorting and lambasting his son for smoking. Caught red
handed in the act, the child was being grilled by the father as to
where he had learned to do this despicable thing. Whereupon,
the confused and angry child slowly turned towards the father
and said from you...... dad,...... I learned it from you.
Contradictory parenting hardly ever works. Children
pretty much know the score and have a wonderfully annoying
ability to see right through the facades that parents sometimes
put up, even when they have (legitimate) reasons to do so.
But the truth seems to be that even if a parent is not falling
over his own two left feet there still needs to be a special
emphasis and focus when it comes to parenting and training
kids for the real world.
Rav Moshe Feinstein, bederech derush I believe, draws
out a very important point from the beginning of this weeks
parsha.
VEilah Toldos Yitzchok ben Avraham, Avraham Holid
es Yitzchok, and these are the children of Yitzchok the son of
Avraham, Avraham was the father of Yitzchok, is a verse with
an obvious redundancy that begs explanation.
Referring to the words and these are the children of
Yitzchok the son of Avraham, Rashi tells us that the Torah is
ostensibly referring to his two children, Yaakov and Eisav,
who are the main topic of this weeks parsha.
Yet immediately after these words, the Torah writes that
you should know that Avraham Holid es Yitzchok- Avraham
was the father of Yitzchok. It seems as if we started one idea
and then we just digressed suddenly from it. What is the
logical connection? We know Avraham was Yitzchoks father,
the Torah had just mentioned it! Why tell it to us again? What
is the Torah trying to tell us? Why the redundancy?
Rav Moshe has his own way of looking at this pasuk and
he shares an interesting idea.
Being a child of Avraham was an exemplary case study
of lineage. Yitzchaks father was none other than the one and
only Avraham Avinu, the person who spread and instilled the
idea of monotheism to the people who would listen and who
came to realize that there has to be a Borei Olam in the world.
He was the Av of all Avos. Yitzchoks yichus is quite clear and
explicit. It explains and shows who he was, how he came to
be and where he is supposed to go.
So, one might think that all that remains is probably to
kick up ones feet and wait for the amazing kids and grandkids
to emanate from this royal blue-blood line.
Yet, Rav Moshe writes, ones wonderful stock of a family
2 THE SHTIEBLE

doesnt mean that one who comes from them can sit back,
kick up his feet and relax. Rav Moshe understands that the
Torah goes out of its way to first show us Yitzchoks heritage
and ironclad credentials, and yet tell us, that he still had his
notorious son, Eisav. Even with such perfect parents such as
Yitzchok and Rivka there were issues and difficulties.
I dont think Rav Moshe was talking about Yitzchoks
personal approach to chinuch, although the Rishonim do
discuss his curious connection and love for his obviously no
good son, Eisav. The general principle of active parenting is
what Rav Moshe is emphasizing.
One cannot sit on his laurels and just hope for good kids.
Teaching, educating, and instilling yiddishkeit takes sweat,
blood and tears. It also takes its toll on ones regular limit of
patience, but we all know that our only option is to raise our
level of patience. Plus, when you think about it the end game
is obviously worth the time, wait, and patience.
Chinuch, Rav Moshe writes, requires a constant vigilance
in the goings on of our childrens yahadus and ensuring their
derech in a normal, fine and classic manner. We are required
to teach them. We strongly hope that they receive the advice,
knowledge and wisdom which we can try to offer them. But
chinuch is something that always needs to be on our radar.
The following story has been in these papers before but to
bring out our point it definitely bears repeating.
Rabbi Yaakov Vann was once walking through the streets
of Brooklyn when he was unexpectedly called off the street
by a few men who were sitting shiva for their father and
needed the colloquial tenth man for a minyan. Seeing that
these men were hardly observant and wishing to help them
out, he ventured into the shiva home and was utterly surprised
by what he observed. The house was full of sefarim, Jewish
books of Torah. These books were hardly the unused type, and
quite the contrary, were well worn and had copious footnotes
carefully written on the sidebar.
Following the services R Yaakov inquired about the books
and the children explained that the seforim had belonged to
their father. You see, they explained, dad was a scholar, he
loved his Torah books. Every day when he would come home
from his difficult job he would sit in his room, close and lock
his door and learn for hours. We hardly ever saw him and he
mostly kept the Torah to himself. He was the one that learned
but he never studied when we were around or with us.
The famous story of the Gadol who publicly stated
that while he accomplished so much by his world wide
dissemination of Torah,
he still wished that instead of
learning Rambam at the Shabbos table, he wouldve sang

R Akiva Eisenstadt
more zemiros with his children. That was what his children
needed at that time. He could have given them that.
Involvement takes many forms. Every stage of life needs
different manners and methods. A thought out plan is usually
necessary. Knowing who each child is, understanding what

HE likes and is involved with, is most probably a great idea.

Knowing how to guide them is the best idea. But that takes
patience, listening, understanding, weeks, months and years
of work.
Yet, Rav Moshe says, that is the essence of chinuch.

UNSUNG HEROES: RAV MOSHEH TWERSKY ZTL

R Baruch Kleinman Chaver HaKollel
When I began writing my thoughts on the recent tragedy
in Har Nof, I questioned why this article had to be written.
The massacre had not only struck a cord in all those who have
ever prayed at a minyan, in any shul, in any country; but has
been especially devastating for all those who knew one of
those holy victims, Harav Mosheh Twersky zaychar tzadik
vkadosh lvracha. Many articles have been written, many
published. Some felt the need to let people know, whether it be
an email to a family member, a call to a neighbor. Others were
under the impression that silence would be the most potent
remedy to console our severely broken hearts. We have all
had encounters with holy people. Rarely do we witness such
a tragic and pure end to one of the most angelic individuals of
our generation.
People ask me, what set the Rebbe apart from other
Rabbis? Many of us have learned under the guidance of
Torah luminaries or have come into contact with elite Rabbis
of our generation. Many have sterling character, others are
geniuses in Torah study. In my opinion, what made the Rebbe
special was this rare synthesis of Torah and Middos. In order
to analyze Torah properly, one must grapple with conflicting
opinions and be critical of all he is learning. Naturally, this can
cause a person to be contentious and aggressive in his pursuit
for truth and correct ruling. As the Gemara states (Kiddushin
30b), when two chavrusas commit to dialogue they are at first
enemies, yet ultimately the result is comradery and mutual
respect. Rabbi Twersky must have has an alternate approach
to this Gemara. Although fierce and unwavering in Torah toil,
he was always with a smile on his face and never let the heat
of the moment overtake his congenial demeanor.
His care for his students was unparalleled. One student
told me a story that he was once feeling ill. As a precaution, he
took off a couple days and rested up in bed. When he returned,
not yet fully convalesced, Rabbi Twersky asked the student
why he was missing. The student responded that he was not
feeling well. Rabbi Twersky asked the symptoms and upon
hearing them insisted the student call a prominent doctor he

knew from Boston who had since moved to Israel. One would
expect a Rabbi to be sensitive and caring, but not to intervene
to the extent that the Rebbe did.
Even people who are not affiliated with Judaism were
enamored by his angelic presence. One such person told me
that he did not have much interaction with him but he always
seemed like an upstanding individual who was always careful
with every word he uttered. A true representative of what
Hashem expects from us under all circumstances.
His appreciation for Torah purity was unparalleled. He
once told me a story about a time he was sitting in a Bais
Medrash learning. A young boy nearby was learning, singing
the words of Torah with a divine melodious tune. After a
little bit, the boy closed his Gemara and left. Rabbi Twersky
exclaimed, The angels were singing along with the boy, what
a shame that he could not continue longer. The music of your
Torah in our ears will not soon be forgotten.
He did this all without fanfare. A man who was content
with influencing those around him by leading by example,
shying from the spotlight. Exemplifying the primary trait of
Yaakov Avinu, Rabbi Twersky was a true Yoshev Ohalim. His
Ohel, extended from his home, to the walls of Toras Moshe,
to the hearts and souls of every individual who has ever come
in contact with him.
This article does not add much to the plethora of articles
singing the accolades of a true Tzadik in our time. I can
only hope that this endeavor instilled in me a little more
strength to remember his legacy and try to emulate the man
I observed serving Hashem like no other. I was not a student
of the Rebbe, but my rare chances to interact with him left
an indelible imprint. I hope that his influence will permeate
all of those who knew him, and that stories of his memory
will touch all of those who were not as fortunate. Through
our appreciation for his approach, we too can set an example
and serve Hashem in the way Rav Mosheh Twersky served
Hashem, a paradigm for all of Klal Yisroel.
THE SHTIEBLE 3

PARSHAS TOLDOS
Rabbi Avraham Greenwald

e all know that Yitzchak loved Esav and wished

to bless him. Following Rivkas guidance (given
through ruach hakodesh or nevuah), Yaakov fooled Yitzchak
and was blessed in the place of Esav.Many meforshim
deal with the obvious question:What did Yaakov gain with
his deception? How cana blessing given under a mistaken
pretense beeffective?Ran (Derashah #5)explains that this
blessing was notYitzchaks blessing. Yitzchak was merely
the vessel, through which the blessing of Hashem would
flow to the recipient. This blessing was given with a spirit
of prophecy.Yitzchaks mistaken conception of who was
standing in front of him was ofno consequence, for, in essence
it was Hashem giving the blessing and not Yitzchak.
The following, however, still needs clarification.
Obviously, Hashem willed that Yaakov be the recipient of this
blessing.Hashem even let Rivka know of His will. Why, then,
was the deception necessary?In the same way that Hashem
let Rivka know of His will - that Yaakov be blessed - why
didntHe let Yitzchak know through prophecy that he is
mistaken and Yaakov should, in fact,be the recipient of this
blessing?!
Ran presents two answers. (1) Yitzchak was misled by
Esavs actions. He loved Esav. In general a blessing given
with love is that much more effective. Certainly here, where
the blessing was given with the spirit of Hashem, it was of
utmost importance that the blessing be given with the greatest
joy, for the spirit of Hashem cannot rest upon a person who
is not joyful; the more joyful he is, the more connected with
Hashem he can be. Says the Ran, if Hashem would have come
to Yitzchak and told him: I know you wish to bless Esav, but
I would like you to bless Yaakov instead, certainly Yitzchak
would have listened, butthere is no question that some of
the joy would have left him; he would not have been in the
ultimate state of simcha, and that would have affected the
blessings effectiveness.Hashem wished to bless Yaakov
through Yitzchak, with a blessing that would be complete. In
order for that to happen, Yitzchak had to be in a state of total
ecstasy, so that he could be totally connectedwith Hashem;
that could happen only if he thought he was blessing Esav.
Hashem therefore orchestrated that the blessing Yitzchak gave
with such love and joy should actually be received by Yaakov.
While, we cannot begin to fathom the greatness of
Yitzchak, the Torah was given to teach and guide us. That being
said, this teaches us a tremendous lesson: Hashem would tell
Yitzchak to bless Yaakov and yet Yitzchak, who subjugated
himself completely to Hashem [as an olah], would, by nature,
not be as joyful as if he would be blessing Esav! This is truly

4 THE SHTIEBLE

amazing! Hashem directly commands to change your plans

and yet you would be happier the other way?! The answer
is that this is the nature of a human being. One cannot help
but be subjective. When we must make a decision, we must
realize that even if our sole intent is for the sake of Heaven, it
is impossible to remove our subjectivity. This is a strong and
invaluable lesson.
(2) Although twins, Yaakov and Eisav were as different as
night and day. This, explains Ran, was by purposeful design
- so that they should not develop a close relationship. Taking
this further, he explains that Hashem purposely arranged that
Yaakov should steal the blessings. Why? So that a hatred
should be ingrained in Esav and his descendants for all time.
Halachah beyedua Esav soneh leYaakov - this hatred started
with the berachos. [And Esav harbored hatred toward Yaakov
because of the blessing with which his father had blessed him
(27:41).] With the establishment of Klal Yisrael, Hashem set
up a system to keep us in line - if we veer from the path,
Esav is there to hound us! When the hatred of Esav is out in
the open, it means that we must think what we stand for. We
must realize that this is not something which we merely have
to live through. Rather, it is a hatred designed by Hashem for
our benefit.
Yitzchaks eyesight starts diminishing at the Akeidah,
87 years before the berachos. 3 years later, Rivka met
Yitzchakwhile Yitzchak was davening. Netziv explains
that Rivka was so awe-stricken by this encounter [Rivka
saw Yitzchak and she fell from the camel (24:64)] that her
relationshipwith Yitzchak was one of awe; she was not
comfortable [as the other imahos were] to confront Yitzchak
and speak her mind. For what purpose? So that the berachos
be given in the manner that they were given. [If Rivka would
not have been in awe, she would have set Yitzchak straight
and the berachos would have been given to Yaakov without
deception.] Hashem arranged things 84 years in advance so
that Yaakov would have to steal the berachos. Imagine,
87 years earlier wondering why Yitzchak should have to
suffer specifically because of the akeidah or wondering 84
years earlier why the relationship of Rivka could not be as a
normal husband/wife relationship. Hard to understand. But
close to 90 years later, we see the answer. It was planned and
orchestrated by Hashem.
This, too, is a lesson for us. We may not always understand,
but we can be assured that there is a Divine Plan that we will
one day merit to see.

WEEKLY INSIGHTS

R Aharon Finkelstein Chaver HaKollel

hat is Gelotology?
This is the study of laughter and its effects on the
body. There are many in the medical field which postulates
that the utilization of humor can be employed as a therapy
which helps a patient cope with the physical and psychological
issues that he encounters.
So how do we define what is humor?
Finding something humorous is the feeling that we
experience when we suddenly encounter that which was
not expected. Laughter is the expression of our discovery of
this newly revealed outcome which we did not previously
anticipate.
Rabbi Avraham Steinberg Shlita focuses our attention
to Yitzchak Avinu, whose very existence evokes humor. He
explains that Avraham Avinu was well respected in his time,
but so many people within his generation were assuming
that his death would mark the end of his legacy. The reason
being is that he was without child and no one imagined that he
would ever have one.
Therefore, it was with tremendous surprise and completely
unanticipated when all of a sudden at such an old age Sarah
conceived and had a child. Avraham and Sarah laughed. They
laughed in joy and at the fortunate result that they many
thought would never be. The very name Yitzchak means
laughter. The very thought of this occurrence brought laughter
to everyones heart. Many felt Hashems hand in all of this
rekindling a lost hope. The laughter was one of elation and
jubilation, of that which seemed so unbelievable of actually
ever occurring.
Yet, laughter is not confined to the context of this one
defining scope. There is another type of humor which presents
itself within this narration. Let us look at the beginning of
this weeks perasha which can give us more insight. It states,
And these are the offspring of Yitzchak son of Avraham
Avraham begot Yitzchak (Toldot 25:19). The question is
raised on why the repetition of the same point at the end of
the verse Avraham begot Yitzchak. The verse already stated
quite clearly that Isaac was the son of Abraham.
Rashi (1040-1105) conveys that the first part of the verse
was solely to demonstrate the point about lineage, just as
it expresses. The second point of stating Avraham begot
Yitzchak is to answer an entirely different issue. The scoffers
of Avrahams generation were spreading the notion that Sarah
became pregnant from Avimelech when he captured her. She
spent many years with Avraham, they reasoned, and yet she
was not able to conceive. They then laughed and mocked at the
notion that Avraham could possibly be the father of Yitzchak.

They laughed inappropriately, a laugh that was not in joy but

in degradation. This is the humorous chuckle of the leitz,
the Hebrew word for the scorner. These ridiculers concluded
that Sarah was only able to conceive after her abduction by
Avimelech.
So what did Hashem do? He formed Yitzchaks face to
resemble that of Avraham, it would be an indication to all that it
was only through Avraham that Yitzhak was conceived, hence
the latter part of the verse which proclaims this testimonial
Avraham begot Yitzchak.
We see then that there was a concern of the scoffers
influence, enough of a concern that Hashem arraigned events
to invalidate their assertion and the Torah itself bears a textual
demonstration to rebut their claims.
Why do we need to be weary of the scoffers laughter?
The Ramchal (1707-1746) explains that the scoffer utilizes
jest and derision to prevent themselves from seeing that which
is important in life. The scoffer laughs, not in appropriate
humor, but in derision. He scoffs because he does not take
life seriously. He ridicules important issues and cannot have
a productive conversation. Shameful humor is used by him to
detach any accountability to change.
Consider a person that lives a decadent lifestyle, he
may see a religious family man as a threat to his way of
life. Instead of addressing his own concerns about religion,
marriage and family, he may instead look to make fun of
this man. Now he has diminished his worth and the desire
to reflect on the significance of the mans values. It instead
becomes non-appealing and without merit to him (Mesillat
Yesharim, Chapter 5). An even greater challenge is then faced
by the victim of these derisive attacks, how does he, which is
on the receiving end of scorn, deal with it? For many, those
condescending comments not only influence how others see
him, but sadly, we find that it influences how he may see
himself. It may cause hesitation, uncertainty, and reservation
about the path that he has chosen.
Applying this to our personal lives, we should know that
the lessons of the Torah are practical lampposts which are
there to guide our way. We live in a time where the Jewish
existence can be the victim of scoffers and scornful remarks.
They may laugh at our rituals and customs, at our beliefs and
priorities, at our persistence and focus. They may find us to
be naive; having trust in one G-d and having our existence
depend on his Will. These are the tools of the scoffer, to give a
questionable eye, a stealthy smirk, or a hard felt laugh. These
are his ammunition, preventing himself from ever being able
to see clearly and driving a doubtful nail into our hearts.
THE SHTIEBLE 5

R Aharon Finkelstein
How to we protect ourselves from all of this?
The formula is quite simple. We need to follow the
deeper message that is being conveyed to us, following the
exact prescription that Hashem prescribed in dealing with
the scoffers of Avrahams generation. The answer was that
Yitzchaks face was made to mirror that of Avrahams. We
must do the same for ourselves. We must formulate and
pattern the face of our own Judaism in the likeness of our
father, Avraham Avinu. We must reflect his strong character
and conviction, his understanding and foresight, and stay

protected as he did, within the shield of his faith. We must

be ambassadors of devotion and loyalty, emulating the ways
of G-d, showing the distinct and special qualities of what it
means to be holy. We must be a walking Kiddush Hashem, so
that it is apparent to all, what is the true depiction of Hashems
sacred nation.
It is only when that mirror of certainty is held high for
everyone to see, that the scorn of the scoffer becomes hushed.
The only sound left to be heard is the joyful laughter of truth
the sound of what it means to be a Jew.

PARSHAS TOLDOS; NEVER JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COLORS

R Boruch Yechiel Schreiber

he Parsha tells us, when Yakov and Eisav were born,

there was no need to name Eisav. Vayikru shmo Eisav,
says Rashi everyone called him Eisav. Whereas, Yakov Avinu
was given his name by Hashem and his father Yitzchok. What
is the explanation of this, why was there no need to formally
choose a name for Eisav, while for Yaakov his father and
Hashem were honored with his name-giving.
The sefarim teach us that the name of a person is not just
a tool with which to refer to him with, but rather the name of
a person defines his true essence. This is why Adam Horishon
after naming each animal declared that he couldnt find a soulmate. It was only after defining the essence of each animal
and thereby naming them, that he was able to recognize
that these beings were obviously never meant to be his life
partner. With this we can also understand what the Torah tells
us after Yaakov fought with the Malach , Sar shel Eisav in
this weeks Parsha. Yaakov asked the Malach his name, but
he refused to reveal it. Rashi explains that a Malach does
not have any specific job description, every day he is sent on
another mission. This is hard to understand, what does the
Malachs occupation have to do with his name? The answer
is as explained, a human being that has a defined existence
can have a name; an angel that his mission changes constantly
cannot retain one defining name.
Accordingly, the Sefarim say that when parents name their
baby, it is only through Divine intuition that they decide and
designate their choice name to their child. We are all aware of
stories of parents that wanted to name a child a certain name
and for whatever reason ended up naming a different name
than intended. This is because a name defines the essence and
potential role this child will play, which is not apparent yet at
birth.
Now we can better understand the difference between

6 THE SHTIEBLE

Eisav and Yaakovs name-giving. Eisav was a shallow person.

His actions were influenced by the surface and outward
appearance of his surroundings. When Eisav saw the soup
Yaakov was preparing, he requested that Yaakov pour him some
of the red stuff. A soup can be described by many different
ways its taste, its texture, its temperature (hot soup vs cold
soup). The most shallow and meaningless way to describe a
food is by its color. Eisav saw the outside. He couldnt see
past the external appearance to delve into the essence of what
really lie beneath. Thus, when Eisav was born everyone was
able to name him, because what they saw is what they got.
There wasnt any deepness or depth involved. Eisav means
all made; all done. There was no potential lurking beneath
waiting to be expressed with time.
Yaakov, on the other hand, was all depth. His entire being
was to see beyond the external trimmings of this world and
to recognize that true greatness lies within the four amos
of Halacha, beyond the flashing lights of Broadway. Only
Hashem and Yitzchok Avinu were able to name this baby.
Indeed, his name Yaakov , named for his grabbing of Esavs
ankle, represents his essence which was to constantly struggle
and fight against the power of Eisav i.e. the illusions of this
world (and ultimately winning the battle, culminating with
his name being changed to Yisroel).
I once heard from Rav Mattisyahu Salomon Shlita,
Mashgiach of Lakewood, a fascinating story. He told of a
young Avreich who came to Rav Schach Ztl with his young
child for a Bracha. Rav Shach offered the child a bag of
candies and told him to choose for himself a red candy. The
father protested, telling the great Rosh Yeshiva, that he was
teaching his child to be like Eisav who also requested some
Red Soup.
Rav Schach answered that the father was making a big

R Boruch Yechiel Schreiber

mistake. Every child likes red candies; Eisavs problem was
that he remained a child. This is a very deep insight into our
lives. Color defines the surface. Children are born without deep
intuition, so they are captivated by the outward appearance of
things. As we get older we must outgrow that stage and learn
to see beyond the color.
Unfortunately we live in a shallow, colorful world. The

food we eat, the drinks we drink are all artificially colored to

blind us from making decisions on whats really important.
Pepsi tried selling color-free soda, but quickly learned that
although it tasted the same, without color it didnt sell.
Let us teach ourselves and our children to mature from our
childlike instincts, and to realize that color and appearance are
not what count, its what lies beneath thats important.

PEACE

R Ari Madel

arshas Toldos begins recounting the birth of Yaakov and

Esav. When describing Esav the pasuk states that he
came out of the womb extremely hairy and red. Rashi (25)
comments that he was completely developed with hair, as
someone who was already a mature adult. Rashi notes that he
was referred to as Edmoni because it was a sign that he would
grow up and become a murderer.
Baal Haturim says that Esav was born complete, he was
physically mature. He then adds that the numerical value of
Esav is 276 which is equivalent to the numerical value of the
word Sholom, which means peace.
Later in the parsha Yitzchok said to Esav that by your
sword you shall live; his sword would be his bread and
butter. This seems a bit odd because that is the exact opposite
of the numerical value of his name, equating to peace. What
can be an explanation as to how these two seemingly opposite
thoughts can be reconciled?
Rav Simcha Zisel Ztl says that the sholom over here isnt
referring to the peace as in living in harmony amongst others
but rather it refers to the peace that he was at with himself.
He was content with what he was doing and the level he
was currently on. He had absolutely no desire to improve on
anything.
Such was the recipe for a lifelong path of utter failure
and disaster. If a persons ears are closed to other peoples
ideas, criticisms and suggestions, then such a person walks
around as if he has no need to make himself better; these types
of people will ultimately end up murderers. Just as Esav was
born complete in his physical sense he also was at peace with
himself-and complete-as to the direction he was headed; he
was born like that; he was at peace with who he was.
A person has to always keep his eyes and ears open for
suggestions. Criticism can be accepted if given over properly
and one should never shun from it.
R Moshe Feinstein, Ztl, once wrote a teshuva which was

viewed by some as controversial. To the extent, that there was

a certain individual who wrote a whole entire pamphlet against
the teshuva arguing with Reb Moshe. It would be one thing
had he attacked the halachic principle alone but this person
had also attacked Reb Moshe personally. It was written very
harshly and border lined nasty. His family thought that Reb
Moshe would be hurt had he seen that kuntris so they tried
to keep it away from him. But of course he heard about it
and he wanted to see it. They tried every excuse, but he was
persistent. Finally, he got a hold of it and he read the whole
entire pamphlet. When he was done he simply dropped it on
the table and he said eh, its nothing. He wanted to see
it for perhaps he misunderstood something and he thought
he may have erred in his halachic view. He didnt care if it
was sandwiched between rubbish and personal insults. He
wanted to hear the truth and was open to criticism because
he demanded perfection. This was the complete opposite of
Esav who didnt want to hear anything from anybody.
The message here is clear. No one is happy with where
they are today; we all strive for greatness. Deep down inside
each and every one of us yearns to become greater and greater.
The best advice I was ever given was from a Rebbi of
mine in Eretz Yisroel. As I left his house for the airport to
return to America and begin a new journey of life, he said
to me: remember, youre going to start dating now and
the most important aspect to look for in a girl is growth.
Ask yourself and then ask her-are you looking to grow? To
continue growing even after the wedding bells die down.
thats the most important question.
We cannot stop yearning. We must keep moving forward.
A little bit today and a little more tomorrow will ultimately
lead us in the proper direction where we will show Hashem
that we are ready for him to take us out of this terrible galus
and escort into Eretz Yisroel, speedily in our days.
THE SHTIEBLE 7

HALACHIC PERSPECTIVES: Kavod Hbriyos - Human Dignity

R Heshy Kahan|Chaver HaKollel

Q: Where does one see the concept of the importance of

kavod habriyos (giving honor to human dignity)?
A: Throughout the Talmud there is much mention of giving
honor to the Torah as well as many sources that encourage
extolling laurels onto pious people. The idea that one should
honor oneself, no matter what level hes at, is also alluded to
in various settings. Some of which are:
(1) The idea that a Kohen Gadol who happens to be a
Nazir of which he is doubly prohibited from becoming
impure from a dead body must still tend to a mais
mitzvah (person who died without anyone available
to tend to the burial) because of the kavod habriyos
of the person who just passed away.
(2) The fact the Torah fined one who steals and slaughters
an ox or a sheep differently. The one who thieves an
ox is required to pay five times the amount and the
one who snatches the sheep is only obligated to pay
four times. The reason given for this1 is that since
when stealing the sheep the felon had to carry it on
his back thereby causing himself embarrassment, he
is not required to pay as much as if he had stolen an
animal that walked willingly by his side.
(3) The donkey that spoke with Bilam was killed
immediately after that famous miraculous event.
It would have been a tremendous kiddush Hashem
to have the donkey come back and explain how
providential it was that Bilam ended up blessing klal
Yisroel and how his talking was so instrumental in
this turn around. However if the donkey were to do so
it would have been extremely embarrassing to Bilam
to be upended by a mere donkey, hence the order of
the donkeys demise.
It is obvious that even if the person is;
(1) no longer alive
(2) a thief
(3) a wicked person
the Torah still goes out of its way to protect the dignity of all
8 THE SHTIEBLE

people.
Q: If this is the case then why do we see in the Gemara2
that if one is walking in the street and realizes that he is
wearing shatnez then he must disrobe immediately, even
in public, to remove the garment from himself, shouldnt
we be concerned about kavod habriyos?
A: What is important to understand in gaining access to this
topic is that there is a difference as to what issurim we will
push aside in the face of kavod habriyos. While the Gemara3
boldly states look how great kavod habriyos is that it pushes
aside a lo seaseh it should be understood that this is not
a regular negative prohibition but is rather referring to the
prohibition of lo sasur4...which is the biblical commandment
not to move away from what the Rabbanon decreed. Hence
what comes out of this is that while we will push off an issur
that is Rabbinic we will not do so for a biblical prohibition. As
the verse5 states explicitly ain chachma, vain tevunah, vain
aitzah lneged Hashem (there is no wisdom, no suggestion
and no alternative when it comes to opposing Hashem).
Therefore when in the face of a biblical prohibition there is no
possibility to move it aside, while if it were to be a Rabbinic
issur there is room to do so.
Q: Are there any situations where we find that we can apply
the formula of kavod habriyos pushing off a Rabbinic
infraction?
A: There are many such cases where you see the importance
of maintaining ones dignity. Some of which are:
if one is davaning for the amud and has to relieve
himself but leaving the amud would cause obvious
embarrassment6 then one can be lenient and remain
albeit ignoring the rabbinic7 infraction of baal
tishaktzu8 which is usually what one would be
transgressing when holding himself back from using
the restroom.9
If one is a Rav or even a shliach tzibbur who is no
longer counting sefirah with a bracha but will be
very embarrassed to have to pass on making the
bracha out loud as everyone will understand that
he forgot one complete day, he may then make the
bracha regardless, as making a bracha lvatalah is

R Heshy Kahan
only a Rabbinic infraction10 of not saying Hashems
name in vain hence it can be pushed aside because
of kavod habriyos. [this can be derived from a very
famous shaila11 in which a woman who had a child
out of wedlock then was chozer bteshuva (repented
from her old ways) and married a ben Torah of which
she gave birth to a son soon thereafter. The poskim
allowed her husband to make a regular pidyon haben
with the bracha as the embarrassment that she would
have incurred by telling her new husband that she
had previously given birth would be so great it was
decided to let the bracha lvatalah be made12]
although one is supposed to bentch with a minyan
when starting his seudah with ten people this gets
somewhat uncomfortable when trying to leave a
chasunah early as according to the letter of the law one
would have to do sheva brachos just as well. In due
to the kavod habriyos of the chosson and kallah not
having to have to watch everyone else take over their
wedding and start giving out kibudim without their
consent the poskim allow one to leave without zimun
with a minyan even though that would normally be a
rabbinic requirement.13
If one has to flatulate while in the middle of davaning
so although the Gemara states that he has to move
four tefachim and say a certain nusach we find that
this is not done in practice because of the possible
embarrassment that this would cause hence we push
aside this Rabbinic enactment.
If one has to tend to a mais (corpse) and it is the time
to read the Megilah one should suspend the Rabbinic
mitzvah to hear the Megilah in order to protect the
kavod habriyos of the one who passed away.14
On Tisha Bav day when not wearing leather shoes
was decreed by the Rabbanon we see that the
poskim15 allow one to wear regular shoes if amongst
people who will poke fun at him for walking around
so strangely (i.e. lawyer going to court, business
executive at professional meeting etc.) as kavod
habriyos pushes off this enactment.
Q: Is there any time when the concept of pushing off a

Rabbinic infraction because of kavod habriyos is more

evident?
A: On Shabbos in particular we see from the poskim various
different situations where we allow kavod habriyos to prevail.
Such as:
If one ventures outside of his techum (2000 amos from
the outskirts of his city) on Shabbos the Rabbonon
decreed that he must remain in his place until Shabbos
is over. In the event that he has to relieve himself the
Rabbonon pushed aside this decree and allowed him
to move 4 amos from his spot to use the facilities as
its not dignified to stand in the same area where one
used to take care of his needs.
When Chazal decreed that one may not use a tree on
Shabbos out of concern that he may come to brake
off a branch etc. they also enacted the law that if one
were to climb a tree on Shabbos he would be required
to stay there for the duration of Shabbos. Similar to
the above mentioned exception, if one had to use the
bathroom he would be permitted to come down from
the tree because of kavod habriyos.
If someones suit got dirty to the point where it is
embarrassing to walk around on Shabbos and he is in
a situation where he has no access to another wearable
garment (i.e. in a hotel, at a Shabbaton etc.) then
one would be allowed to ask a non-Jew to clean the
dirty spots for him as it would be undignified to walk
around in this fashion. Since asking a non-Jew to do
melachah on Shabbos is only prohibited dRabbanon
we can excuse it in this case of kavod habriyos.
If a person got a sudden rip or snag16 on his clothing
in a section of the garment that makes him look silly
or undignified there is room to allow a non-Jew to
sew the hole (assuming there is no other garment
available) based on the above mentioned premise.
If someone mistakenly stuffed up a toilet and there
is no other restroom available or it would be highly
offensive to others or even himself (i.e. visiting ones
future father and mother in law for the first Shabbos
etc.) he may then have a non-Jew unclog the toilet via
THE SHTIEBLE 9

R Heshy Kahan
a plunger or even using a muktza instrument that is
ordinarily prohibited such as a snake etc. (it should be
understood that his heter applies only to pushing away
Rabbinic issurim that are directly related to a breach
in human dignity. To have a non-Jew open a light in
the bathroom or raise the air conditioning while hes
at it has no basis and should not be done).
Were a person to find himself in the bathroom without
any toilet paper he should ideally have a non-Jew cut
him some before entering. If that is not a viable option
then one should use it off the roll and let the flush
take the paper off itself as this would tear the paper al
yidai grama (in a causative and not direct fashion).
If this is not dignified enough (due to the type of host
one finds himself by etc.) then he would be permitted
to tear a long sheet with his elbow, teeth or foot.17 As
when doing a melacha in a backhanded fashion it is
only prohibited dRabbonon hence tearing in this
way would be permitted based on the human dignity
factor.
In general we dont make Chasunos on Shabbos
because the Rabbanon didnt allow transactions but in
case a Friday wedding went late18 one would not put
it off until after Shabbos as this would be too much of
an uncomfortability for the Chosson and Kallah.
If one had to relieve himself in the snow or on grass,
although some hold that its melting the snow or
watering the grass, if there is no other option we are
lenient like those who hold that its no issue because
of kavod habriyos.
If one has a very bad cold and his runny nose may
be offensive to others there may be grounds to carry
tissues (assuming that the Shul doesnt have any19) in
a backhanded fashion (in his belt, shoe etc.) through
a karmelis in order to allow him to keep himself tidy
and dignified throughout davaning.
If one is walking with non kosher Tzitzis in a
karmelis he is not required to disrobe and may carry
the garment (by wearing it), albeit the Rabbanon

10 THE SHTIEBLE

dont usually allow one to, all the way to his desired
destination.
Q: If we are able to push off a Rabbinic issur in order
to preserve the honor of people should one refrain from
doing mitzvos if this may impede on his dignity?
A: This question was asked to the Chavos Yair20 in where
a noted Talmud Chacham asked if its proper to play an
instrument at weddings in order to bring joy to the bride and
groom or is it beneath his honor. The response was that when
it comes to doing mitzvos the greatest honor and dignity one
can have is to throw oneself into the mitzvah with all his body
and soul. Therefore, aside for this Talmud Chacham being
encouraged to play his instrument, a person of notable stature
could and should be allowed to:
dance with all his might on Simchos Torah
bring joy to weddings via juggling, using costumes
or any other talent that may be appreciated in such
venues
build a Succah in light of the intense manual labor
required
pick out choice fruits/shop at a market/cook a delicacy
etc. lkavod Shabbos as the Shulchan Aruch states
this would be the ikur kavod habriyos, preparing
ones house for the Shabbos queen
this is all easily learned out from the fact that Michal, the
wife of Dovid Hamelech, upon watching him dance with
tremendous exuberance and pomp when the Aron was coming
back, scolded him for breaching his honor21 to which we
know she was punished by becoming barren for the rest of her
days. Clearly when it comes to mitzvos the honor one receives
is in proportion to the honor one gives to preforming the
commandments of Hashem and a possible breach in stature
should be the last thing on ones mind.

R Heshy Kahan
FOOTNOTES
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.

8.
9.

10.

11.

Bava Kamma 79
Brachos 19b
Menachos 37b
Devarim 17:11
Mishlei 21
As everyone will know exactly where one went to and exactly
how long it took
Although the verse is obviously of biblical origin the
actual issur of baal tishaktzu is literally referring to eating
insects. Other disgusting things i.e. holding oneself back
from relieving oneself are only rabbinic according to many
Rishonim. See the 3rd perek of Makos who discusses other
forms of shikutz that is included in this issur (i.e. using a straw
used to let blood as a straw for your drink)
Vayikra 11:43
One could probably apply this as well to sitting at a shiur in
which going to the facilities would cause embarrassment to the
one leaving and/or the lecturer
Although interestingly enough the Shevet Halaivi 3:91 takes
the approach that its permitted to make the bracha not
because of kavod habriyos but rather because we are relying
on those Rishonim who hold that its a separate bracha for
each day as every day is its own individual mitzvah.
Mahrshag 3

12. There is another tzad to allow it as there are Rishonim that

say that if one is transgressing an issur but is not aware of it
then one need not tell him if there is kavod habriyos involved
hence this husband is a shogeg regarding making this bracha
13. Another two possible alternatives to avoid the chiyuv of zimun
and shevah brachos is 1) the Igros Moshe allows to make a
stipulation when washing that one will be bentching early and
not taking part in sheva brachos 2) come late thereby having
no haschalah or siyum with the crowd and avoiding the
chiyuv
14. S.A. 688:2, see M.B. Ibid. 12
15. See Rama in Hilchos Tisha Bav
16. This is even more relevant for a woman where concerns for
tzniyus are applicable
17. This can be accomplished by taking the sheet of toilet paper
and rolling it don to ones foot and placing it under ones shoe.
Then simply move the roll upwards using ones elbow and one
has a bonafide cut piece of paper that was done bshinui
18. As many weddings in European countries, specifically in the
shtetls, would take place on Friday and go into Shabbos
19. Which obviously nowadays is not so relevant as tissues are so
inexpensive.
20. Teshuva 25
21. Shmuel 2:6

THE SHTIEBLE 11

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