Conversation Fire

Copyright 2008 The Conversation Fire System
The
Conversation
Fire System
By Mark Samet
Copyright 2008
Platinum Group Publishing Inc.
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Table of Contents
Preface
The Most Important Thing To Clarify
Who Are You?
Killing Shyness At Its Core
Always Know What To Say
Starting Conversations
How To Forge Friendships Effectively
Amazing Confidence
How To Be Charismatic
Standing Out: Higher Value Charisma
Deep Rapport & Trust
The Zoom Out Technique
Imaginary Debate Techniques
Handling Difficult People
Voice Practice
Conclusion
Appendix A
Preface
Congratulations on deciding to take action for improving
your social skills to an exceptional level. Im very thankful to
be able to share my story with so many people. Most
importantly, I hope this material will help tremendously you
through the rest of your life.
Ive come a long way from being that social geek that was so
self-conscious that he couldnt even demand the proper
respect from people.
The journey to being a great communicator has been hell at
times because it forces you to realize who you are as a person
and to place yourself out there against the odds. This is not
about the words you say or the body language you use, its
about the identity that you imprint upon the world. That
itself is a priceless one that you must uphold.
I say this before getting practical, because people tend to lose
focus of the true benefits behind superior communication
skills. These are the countless treasures that have made my
life a lot happier and a lot more influential. I wish it does for
you every step of the way.
The Most Important Thing To Clarify

I want to go over one very important element before moving
to the meat of this guide.
DO NOT merely read or skim the manual and not take full
ACTION. Im not talking about 50% or 75% action, but
100%! All your efforts should correlate with how badly you
want exceptional your communication skills which I hope
is a lot. Before you know it, you WILL inevitably become
incredible!
Back when I was first testing these methods out, I never had
a guide as applicable as this. Be grateful that there is one
here to help you shave your trial and error curve.
Ive had too many cases where a reader will email me and
question the validity of some techniques, yet they themselves
have not even TRIED it! Dont leave this to collect digital
dust, but use it today and stop cheating yourself.
Everything starts with a first step. I will show you all the way
through, but only you can make the final decision of what
youll put up with in life.
Also, make sure you bookmark the membership section
because I will be updating that with future material. This
may include expert interviews, audio sets, and other very
valuable resources for your benefit. Your membership will
grow in immense value, if you use these techniques to your
advantage.
As you may have already guessed, I update this manual on a

regular basis off of customer feedback as well as research and
personal experimentation.
Even if the membership section goes to a recurring
subscription in the future, if you have the unlimited
membership pass, you can always go in for the latest updates
for 100% free!
Now, that weve gone over this, lets proceed.
Who Are You?

A simple question. A thousand interpretations.
This area is crucial to developing better communication
skills so I wanted to clarify how your personal identity
directly impacts your self esteem. This is the most important
if you are currently shy or nervous in social situations.
I want you to sit down and make a few observations about
yourself, and ask these questions.
1. Why am I after exceptional communication skills?
2. What area do I lack the most? Inner emotional state or
outer social skills?
3. What makes me happy or truly fulfilled in life?
4. Who in my life serves as a role model for superior
communication skills? May I get closer to him or her
and improve through this association?
With these questions answered and thought out thoroughly,
youll be able to pinpoint your weakness and get to the
bottom of this, even if your communication skills suffer from
a traumatic past experience. If you already possess great
skills and confidence, the techniques outlined here will
increase your capabilities and fine tune your existing assets.
Always be improving because this is a boundless topic.
Even if you do nothing else that I teach you in the book,

please practice the fourth concept daily. By attracting these
types of people into your life, youll naturally develop your
communication abilities.
If you associate with a role model, see who he models after.
Ask questions and people will share with you. Keep
progressing through association and modeling.
Killing Shyness At Its Core

Shyness is one of those deeply rooted issues that takes so
much effort to overcome and I can understand that from first
hand experience.
First thing, Id do is to see whom within my circle of friends
is the most outgoing, even if they are 1% more than me, Id
try to hang out with them more. Then check to see if they
know more outgoing people and get into situations where
you can meet those types of people. A friendly introduction
to new friends is a lot easier than trying to find these friends
on your own. Finding and hanging out with these types of
people will do wonders to help with your shyness in the long
run. This is the first step.
The next step goes through internal realizations and
visualizations. You really have to concentrate deep at the real
reason you are shy. Are you shy because you fear others will
socially reject you and thus, you cant make the effort to put
yourself out there?
The realization that helped me is that my life is finite and I
better enjoy it before I die, there is nothing holding me back.
This is a matrix of physical illusion (this may sound a bit
strange, but Im teaching you what works literally!).
For most people, it is because of the fear of rejection issue.
I want you to realize the truth:
No one can reject you unless you give them the power to.
You dont seek anyones approval and they have no power
over you.
Now, perform this visualization. Imagine the worst case

scenario of someone socially rejecting you, even worse than
your worst memories in the past. Just vividly feel it, feel the
emotions, and realize what it is. This will prepare you for the
worst where the reality is almost always much better you
will be impressed the better you get.
I also visualize successful people who arent shy and ask
myself are they actually better than I? Theres nothing
logical that says I cant do what they cant are they just
TAKING MORE ADVANTAGE of life than I???
Furthermore, close your eyes and visualize some ideal
outgoing person in the 3rd person view going about his daily
life. How would he act? What does he see? What does he say?
How does he carry himself? Watch him for a minute in the
minds eye, and then place your soul into his body. Feel his
emotions and whats going on inside. This is a powerful
exercise because you already know how to feel in this
powerful way, its just deep in your subconscious mind that
your conscious mind has dominated.
Make these into affirmations if you need to:
1. I do not want to regret never having conquered my
shyness in life.
2. Shyness is an illusion in my own mind
Then, the final step is active removal of shyness. I always
have the frame of mind of trying to push my comfort zone,
because I say to myself: A day without improvement is
another day wasted. Thats not a good feeling so Id push
myself to avoid that feeling and it works! Try it out.
Now, Im not saying you have to go out and meet strangers at

parties, bars, golf courses, and all but start somewhere. It
can even be online such as a forum community. Then, go
ahead and contact these people to see if they want to chat on
an instant messenger to share interests. Lets say you love
dog training, then go ahead and begin in dog / pet forums
and find others with similar hobbies. This extra amount of
human contact is very influential to your development.
You may also want to try out some phone friend services (not
adult , but even that may help).
When you are at the level where you must face your fear of
meeting new people live, then heres a specific exercise. I
always use this when approaching new people or meeting
people. Id go out and feel the shyness; that weird feeling that
paralyzed me from social interaction and Id just feel it a few
times, doing nothing else. Realize where you are feeling this,
what part of your body is the feeling striking you at?
Normally, this was my chest or shoulders . Others may get
butterflies in their stomach. Now, Id visualize this as a ball
of energy, a black ugly ball. Id concentrate it every single
time I felt this. Then, Id imagine myself sucking it out of
myself. It just vaporized and only a warm, positive energy
was left. I had no worries. I was free of it.
Im dead serious about this exercise so go ahead and keep
doing it! Your brain will re-wire itself.
Basically, Id go out and try to meet more new people
everyday and the shocking thing I found is that its not that
bad after all. People become more and more receptive to you
the less shy you become and it re-enforces a REAL positive
spiral to social success. This is the try secret to killing
shyness and all the above is just pushing you to get here.
The other irony is that the more I forced myself into

uncomfortable social pressures, the more social I became!!!!
This is quite difficult at first, but I had my laser targeted goal
in mind and I knew nothing would stop me. I just could not
let myself down again. My life was being wasted if I dont
handle this! Through this process where I went forward little
by little, I eventually overcame my shyness by about 99%.
The 1% is what I even work at today because everyone is
improving.
Just go out do this exact formula it may take you a month
or two even, but the important thing is that you have killed
your shyness.
Always Know What To Say

Ever been tongue tied? Dont worry, youre not alone.
Ill tell you the best way to never be tongue tied is to be
extremely knowledgeable in all sorts of trivia. I learned this
from a friend of mine at first who can talk on and on from
anything ranging from underground jungle bands to the
latest movie star gossip (great for women) to stock market
intricacies to raising exotic animals to collecting rare coins.
He can go on and on about a myriad of subjects, no matter
who you are! Heres his secret:
Hes a huge subscriber to all types of magazines and reads
books or news on all aspects of life. Im not saying you need
to do this, but do make it a point to learn current trivia
especially in these universal topics at least a little bit:
1. Music (whatever genres you enjoy)
2. Movies
3. Sports (for men mostly)
4. Current Events or interesting news
This will give you enough straws to pull for when you speak
to people to build some commonality. For example, I met
one guy who seemed to not connect with me at any level, but
we found we both enjoyed playing the jazz guitar and BOOM,
rapport escalates.
Besides trivia to give good content, you want to have a few
pre-scripted stories about yourself and some interesting
things that have happened in your life. Keep these in the
back of your mind if you ever need a conversation filler and

just practice telling people these stories. Storytelling is a
powerful social skill used to entertain the masses if you can
do it well. People have become rich off of this very asset and
if you use only 10% of its power, you can improve your social
skills greatly. For example, whenever people talk about their
ex-spouses or ex-girlfriends, I bring up the shocking story of
how I had to help my neighbor back into his house after he
cheated on his wife in the middle of the night once. I assure
them hes a good man and I dont approve of his actions, but
slips occur. This always gets a humorous laugh from the
appropriate audience.
Stock a few stories on various common topics such as places
to travel, cool hobbies, and entertainment, youll be pretty
set with enough content to talk about.
The second portion of finding what to say is to be a great
active listener. Ask the person a lot of personalized, specific
questions so that rapport is being built. You and the other
party will become closer on a social level. They will want to
share more with you as you demonstrate that you are a great
listener. The key here is just say Hey, what do you think of
<subject>? and the conversation is re-opened. This
addresses for their opinion and you always have
conversation flowing well.
To take listening to the next level you need to become
empathetic, which means to really feel what they are trying
to say. This works best when the person is speaking in a time
of great pain or stress. Be there for them and you will have
lots of experiences to share.
Before I go on, there is a very important aspect that I must
remind you. This is a genuine, real frame that Im coming
from if you dont have that in your mind, faking will not get
you very far in life. In the next few sections, I teach you why
its CRUCIAL that you need to be real with yourself and
others.
The hobby technique

One way to demonstrate interesting characteristics about
yourself is to take up an interesting or unusual hobby.
Examples can include magic, standup comedy, glacier
climbing, exotic forms of dance, or collecting rare items like
large shark teeth.
As long as the hobby has some quirk or interest to it, you
should bring it up casually. Make sure to express how much
you enjoy doing it and what you have in the future for it. For
example, if you enjoy creating electronica beats for local
parties, talk about how fun it was last time you DJed. This
makes the other person curious about your art and also
opens up for sharing his interests.
Its a great way to connect without a doubt and fills in the
spaces. No need to transition to the conversation either. Just
mention how you did it and loved it the other day. People are
less concerned with the logic, but rather the emotional flow
of a conversation. Figure out what excites and engages them.
Starting Conversations Anytime,

Anyplace
This is one of the biggest questions that float around our
focus here. Its actually quite misleading because this is not
the secret to creating great relationships and happiness.
Focus on the other chapters and use these as training wheels
for the most part. However, you asked for it, so here it is.
Striking up a conversation with strangers is generally
acceptable in most western cultures from North America to
Europe to Australia. Just be very natural and enjoy yourself
in the moment. That emotion will be picked up by those
around you and they will be a whole lot more receptive.
Think about the positive things that have happened to you in
the past week or month. If this fails, just use your anchor for
a positive emotion and tell yourself that Life really is too
short to be dwelling on unhappy things, and you dont live
forever. This may take some pre-work by yourself if you
cant get these emotional states down through visualization
and inner work. Without the right emotions, dont even think
about conversation starters. No matter how good of words
you can speak out, if your emotional tone is terrible, rarely
will anyone be receptive to you. On the other hand, a good
emotional tone will save poor wording almost always from
my experience.
I have even seen foreign exchange students strike up
conversations in extremely poor English, but because of their
internal mood, people enjoyed the conversation and their
company.
Now, once Im in the right mood and I see a stranger I wish

to strike a conversation with, Ill dive right in just to get into
the talkative mood. Sometimes, if you dont have the courage
or confidence to strike up a conversation with the target
person (perhaps some attractive person you fancy?), you
want to speak to other people prior or around just to get into
the talkative mood.
I normally spot something situational and comment about it
positively, for example if someone is reading an interesting
news article on the bus. Another example is if someone is
wearing an interesting pair of shoes walking down the
sidewalk or is walking a dog that my sister used to have. Just
think of something positive on the spot and you have a good
comment.
To get to this point, heres my secret exercise so Im well
observant of things.
Ill find a quiet time of the day in a park or downtown caf
and just people watch (Its not a waste of time. Its quite a
relaxing moment actually). Id observe things about everyone
that passed by even if the person looked plain as average
joe and mentally jot down a comment Id compliment him
on. Do this a few times and youll be quite quick on your feet
to find these interesting things about people that no one else
is noticing.
Once, Im decent at this skill and I can comment on virtually
anyone in the elevator, at the bus stop, or walking down the
road. The next step is to ask a relevant question about that
comment and relate that to your life somehow. Keep the
people watching exercise and mentally jot down 2 things:
comment and question that relates to you. Sometimes, if you
cant think of anything, you can just white-lie (it wont hurt
anyone ) for the purposes of learning this skill and who

knows the person may end up liking you anyways! Lets say
the person is wearing a necklace. If I see nothing I can relate
at it, I just will say once I considered getting my mother
something nice like that and ask them where they got it, how
they like it, etc. This starts conversations very easily and
people love talking about themselves.
The second way I enjoy starting conversations is to relate a
situational story and ask them about it. For example, if
something has happened recently on the news thats relevant
to the situation, Ill ask them what they think. Or it doesnt
even have to be some major event by any means. Lets say
the jazz concert is at a location near the water, simply ask the
person if they know about any cruises near this harbor
because youd love to find some. Ask them what they think of
the event and how they got there. You have just rolled into an
engaging conversation.
The second area of help that people need is starting fresh
topics with people they already know but may want to
further the relationship so things dont seem so stale or
uncomforting, whatever the case may be. One of the easiest
ways to overcome this is to use my trivia indulging
techniques and you will definitely run into interesting topics
or stories daily to talk about. Then, just relate it to them if
you can! If you dont read an eclectic amount of books,
magazines, or watch interesting TV shows, then Id to go to
sites like:
http://news.google.com
http://www.truemors.com
( Note, I particularly liked Truemors because once I was

planning a date with a woman who was planning to find
work in bioinformatics something that I know nothing
about and after a short search on this site, there are quite a
few articles I was able to bring up into stories)
http://www.stumbleupon.com
http://drudgereport.com
Now, the method I recommend the most actually is to
involve the person in some live activities with you and just
pursue new hobbies together. For example, if you and your
wife are a bit bored, just surprise her and ask her if she wants
to come learn tango dancing with you. Youll have lots to talk
about. Lets say a friend you want to get closer to, just ask
him/her to try out surfing and rock climbing with you. You
get the point.
I want you to remember that these are all just methods to an
ends and youll eventually become so good that
conversations are effortless and you never even think twice
of what you need to say.
How To Forge Friendships

Effectively
This is the second step that follows up starting conversations
and to develop a closer bond with the person.
The simple and obvious method is to reach for commonality.
I will literally invite the person over to my place sometime on
the point of commonality that we discovered. Lets say on the
first conversation, we decide we both like to collection
antiques. I can simply invite him/her over to check out my
collection and see if I can see his.
If you cant find the commonality, just simply reach for one
by suggesting a fun activity and seeing if the person wants to
come along sometime. I normally suggest a cool activity such
as deep sea fishing and mentioned that Ive always wanted to
go Ill simply ask them to try it out too. You have just
created commonality out of thin air!
The next step is to follow up on your points of commonality
by meeting up a few times and enjoying the persons
company. Be sure never to have any ulterior motives because
its my firm belief that manipulative people simply dont go
very far in life. Would you want to have a friend pretend to
like you when in reality he just wants you to sell your nice car
to him for a low price (or something like that)? Trust me
life just doesnt work that way so if youre not REAL, youre
lying to yourself.
Be sure to offer interest in their life and problems, because
this is the zone where people see the difference between their
true, loyal friends and all the heyday drinking buddies. If

you are there for them at their low times, people will cherish
your company more during the good times. Plus, youll have
someone there for you during the bad times as well. Use this
principle of loyalty and you will have no problem making a
lot of close friends. My life changed after I started focusing
on my loyalty and care for friends.
Amazing Confidence
This will supercharge the way you interact with the world
through the use of neuro-linguistic programming techniques.
You dont need to know the details, but its important to
realize the need for this to rocket your communication skills.
Let me walk you through one of my favorite exercises that is
classic in NLP and makes you feel confident very easily.
Youll see this described in many ways, but heres how I like
to do it.
1. Lie down or sit and clear your mind of all the noise
2. Imagine a time when you were powerful in a situation
and clearly confident of what you were doing. You
would describe yourself here as unstoppable or
invincible because you knew how to handle it 110%!
For some this may be you performing on stage, others it
may be you successfully convincing a friend to cheer up.
3. Go through that high feeling a few times and really
pinpoint the sweet spot where the feeling is the BEST.
4. Go through it one more time and right before the sweet
spot, physically anchor that emotion by some normally
unused physical motion. I like to connect my pinky to
my thumb.
5. Repeat the above steps a few times so that your anchor
is well exercised.
6. Before you go to sleep, do a few visualizations of you

doing that physical anchor and really feeling the high.
This will re-enforce it mentally more.
Now, you have a good anchor that you can use almost
anytime you want to. The last association step was the
missing link for me because I had tried this method before to
no success, but its actually the strong mental association
that triggers this.
Anytime you want to become confident and powerful, just
fire this anchor and feel the high moment. This will work
even if you are in fear. The more you do it, the more
instantaneous this feeling will come and transform your
situation.
The last part of the confidence equation is to go out and see
the difference that you are making in this world. This will
create a spiral effect that re-enforces why you have such
power over your destiny and your confidence will improve by
the day. Every challenge that is conquered is a new brick that
builds your house of mental well-being. The key here is to
constantly anchor good experiences to what you already
have. Repeat with new and better experiences
How To Be Charismatic?
Ill cut to the chase and describe what Ive learned it to be.
Charisma is the ability to engage the environment into your
positive energy and lift emotions, whether this is through
sincerity, humor, etc. The end result is that it allows you a
much easier step to persuading someone whether into action
or a state of mind.
The secret components here are genuineness and having a
slight higher energy level than the crowd. Now, lets see what
these two mean so you can use them to your full advantage.
1. Genuineness This quality is extremely simple, yet one
of the hardest to grasp and place into action, especially
if you just cant seem to care for the situation or person.
One way you can do this is the fake it until you make
it method, where you first think of a time where
someone truly mattered to you and you just held on to
every single word they spoke of. You had listened with
true caring intent as if there was a real personal
connection and not just some rote motion.
Now, simply imagine that mood seeping into you as you
interact. Practice this with people you have just met or
people you dont even care about usually, and youll
eventually find yourself changing in this regard
naturally.
If this fake it until you make it method doesnt work
for you, you may need to practice the visualization
ahead of time before going out to meet others. Spend

about 10 minutes before and deeply visualize the
emotion felt during a time where you were genuine in
an interaction. I find truly sad, troublesome times in my
memories to create the most vivid feelings where I was
the most genuine and in concern. Also, happy ecstatic
times are ok, but not as effective because although it
sets the right mood, pleasure is felt less than pain. Try
out both and see. Now, just use the anchoring technique
to hold it for yourself. Then use it out and youll begin
feeling the genuine state of mind for almost anyone.
True genuineness not only comes with practice, but
internalized realizations that take time to believe I
know these to be true:
- Each person is a doorway to something potentially
great. Hey, who knows, a bum or small child may tell
me an adage that can shake the foundations in which
I view my life (and this literally has happened to me)
and I am an opportunity seeker so I will listen to
people to discover my own potential benefit. People
have gotten rich, wealthy, famous, and powerful just
from this quality. Am I robbing myself of opportunity
by not caring?
- Would I want to be treated like nobody cares?
Human reciprocation is there so if I treat others this
way, why should I expect them to treat me any
better?
- Who am I trying to fool by being not genuine? Do I
actually have to impress anyone? Does it really
matter? Why am I living in the shadow of SOMEONE
ELSES life? Even if Im embarrassed by something,
this life is too short to check what others feel about

my own private business
If you use these, keep reading them over and over if you
have trouble. Eventually through practice, you will push
your comfort zone and develop the genuineness that
should exist in every skilled communicator.
Practice this on crowds that you typically do not
interact with much (beyond general courtesy). I began
by just being genuinely interested with the elderly
woman who walked her dog in my neighborhood. Not
only did I meet an amazing woman who shared
interesting stories about her life, I even met my current
fianc, through one of her introductions.
If you can be genuinely interested with various types of
people, youre well on your way.
2. Higher Energy Level This state is needed so that you
are pulling the person or group in a certain direction
instead of the other way around where they are leading
the energy level. To visualize this, imagine that crowd
in a bar, where a guy comes along and clearly stands out
as the life of the party. He stands out of the crowd in a
positive, uplifting way that encourages others to be
infected by his emotional frame.
Now, when I mention his higher energy level, Im
stating this in abstract terms. It does not mean you
need to be more excited or humorous literally, but
rather some distinct quality that stands out desirably in
the moment. For example, imagine a deep, mature
figure such as 007 who expresses his lead, his energy
in staying calm in the rough times and suavely knows
EXACTLY what to do. This is charisma that stands out

of the crowd.
This is the aspect of charisma that people normally see,
but forget the genuineness aspect which produces
long-term charisma in a relationship. Thats what
people call a charismatic person and what you should
aim for.
These 2 key aspects alone will make you a charismatic and
far more effective person at some levels. These are the
personality aspects, but to become an overall well-rounded
charismatic person, Ill discuss other aspects and special
situations to really stand out of the crowd.
Standing Out Of The Crowd:

Charisma For Higher Social Status
I used to wonder about this all the time is there a way to
charm those who seem more powerful, famous, richer, or
influential than you? Is there a way to stand out of the
crowd? Can you make these people WANT to talk to you?
These are the people that well define as having higher
perceived social value. Situations like this can range from
you speaking to a wealthy potential investor or you speaking
to a famous model/actress.
Most of time, youll meet these people at special events
(seminars, parties, etc) where they are clearly recognized for
their high value. Fear not, because you can still get to their
core.
Developing Background Knowledge
Theres a major advantage to this type of meeting you can
PREPARE extremely well for it!
Lets say Im going to a party of wealthy investment bankers,
I will find out their names from the person who is inviting
me to the event. Ill ask this person as much as I can about
the person in question. If he/she doesnt know, Ill find out
who does and inquire them.
Then, Ill simply check out online resources to see if they are
famous by any means. Search engines can help me gather a
few tidbits of who these people are at least in the public eye.
Read about what their current projects and plans are.
If these people are not famous, just research the background

subject a bit more by reading at online forums regarding the
topic. Normally, there will be at least one or two
controversial things that is going on in that matter of life.
Now, what I like to do is see if I can find an article of some
sort, whether on the Internet or elsewhere that answers the
controversy to an intelligent and almost shocking extent.
Make sure this is recent and interesting. For example, I was
recently at a seminar where I had met some very famous self
improvement coaches and the previous night, I had checked
out a few visualization techniques that were recently found to
cure certain chronic conditions. This was exactly in line with
one coachs teachings so I decided to save that article. This
will be used as your point of contact tool which Ill explain
below.
Its even better if you can come up with a way to refute
popular authority that they stand for. Controversy always
gets peoples attention.
This may sound like a lot of work, but the reason I do this is
because in case I cant find a value proposition, which Ill
explain below, I still have a way to peak their curiosity and
create some sort of a relationship that stands out among the
crowd. The article or knowledge is what I use to connect.
This doesnt have to be an article by any means. It can even
be a cool little observation on a new fashion trend (lets say if
this were some world famous fashion expert).
Now, lets bring this back into action where you are about to
meet them..
After their performance or presentation if they have one,

there usually will be a line of people waiting to speak with
them. Simply wait a little bit down the line until you feel you
have the composure to present yourself at its best. I prefer
being last if the line is not too long simply, because the last
person delivers a memorable and potentially longer
impression.
Developing A Situational Hook
This will be the first statement that you make to them so you
stand out from the moment of speech. Most people approach
and introduce themselves and speak of what they want, what
they are involved in, and try for some rapport. Imagine it
from the point of view of that listener its refreshing if you
can stand out.
The situational hook is simply something that relates the
current situation to something in which they said (if they
were speaking or performing) or something you know they
do. For example, lets say you met a famous racecar driver,
Id observe and the first thing Id tell him is That girl that
was cheering for you, almost tumbled down naked and
hopefully you are observant for hilarious or shocking things.
You get the point, its refreshing.
Developing A Value Proposition
This is perhaps the most important, yet difficult one to grasp
because if you are not aligned in the same expertise, it may
be difficult. These targets exactly at what they are currently
after in life (and thats why research was so important). Most
of the time, this will be money, fame, or some sort of
recognition. Even if you have one skill or asset that can help
them further, you are creating a value proposition.
Let me illustrate with an example.
Lets say youre about to speak with a news media PR
director. You think to yourself, what kinds of skills do I have
to offer? You may think of anything from you owning a
specific mailing list of people who may be interested in that
story, or you may personally know an advertiser that will
bring them more business.
The hard part is that you either have it or you dont. If you
dont, no sweat just use the other techniques and once you
have some sort of value asset, you can re-approach them!
So lets re-iterate:
When you do talk to them, make sure to first hook them.
Then, present them with a certain degree of value that makes
your offering unique so that you are not another face in the
crowd. Once you have demonstrated some value, then
building rapport through a natural progression of humor is
normally recommended since this breaks down barriers and
creates a personal flow.
Remember, to ask a few personal questions here and there,
listen actively and that, in itself, will make you stand out.
Now, progressively ask more personal questions, without
going past some intruding point.
Make it a point to connect with them on a personal level even
if the commonality is small. This can range from musical
tastes to interesting hobbies and vacation travels to share
experiences. Your trivia/media/entertainment knowledge

will help you tremendously in this arena.
Remember to hold your esteem high at this point because if
you give them too much power, they will unconsciously
disrespect you as they do with everyone at places where their
value is clear. Simply, demonstrate value and just act like a
personal friend to them, thats it! Be courteous, respectful,
and feel fortunate fot the situation, but dont go over the top
to be too nice or pleasing.
Heres an example of my chat with a wealthy CEO in my city:
You: George (real name changed), Hi, very interesting tie,
almost looks like a <funny observation situational hook>
George: hahah
You: Hey my name is Mark, I have got to tell you about
<background point of contact>!
Rapport, rapport.
You: <value proposition> why you do what you do.
George: <positive response>
Keep increasing rapport ..
You: <close with contact information assuming you have a
limited time>
Notice the dynamic here is to never seem needy and its a
friendly conversation embedded with those key elements of
situational hook, value demonstration, and point of contact.
Thats it for influencing high perceived value people. You will
stand far above the crowd the more you practice these
principles.
Deep Rapport & Trust

After all the fun and charm is done, there are people you may
truly wish to bring into your life as very close friends, lovers,
etc and want to perfect those relationships.
This is perhaps the hardest skill of them all because its such
an art that varies with each person. I will give you my general
guidelines that work powerfully and almost universally.
The key here is transparency and that is what leads to trust.
If you trust someone then by human reciprocation, they will
likely trust you on at least some level. People are shaken by
transparency and honesty, because there is so little of it in a
seemingly cynical world where people merely strive to get
ahead, whatever their goals may be.
As you progress with rapport and get commonality
established, you need to realize the depth of relationship you
have with this person and where you want to take it. Dont lie
to yourself, because people will sense that and only
genuineness will win in this arena where earlier aspects can
be faked without much difficulty (if you chose that route,
which I warn you against). If you have no real interest with
this person, stop it right there and dont even waste your
time. You will hurt them and yourself in the end indirectly. I
do not take this subject so lightly because trust and deeper
bonds can be difficult to heal once you rip them.
The way I approach wanting to know someone better is by
starting the ball rolling. I spear my own initiative, such as
offering my trust and a helping hand to them. They in turn
will reciprocate more and more because they see who I am as

a person who means the best for them.
Ill even do simple things such as give them a phone call out
of the blue for no reason, because I care to see how they are
doing. This is very powerful in an increasingly cynical world,
where I in truth have nothing to gain here.
Imagine the situation with your closest friends and how you
look forward to talking to them simply because its them and
how theyve represented themselves in your history. This is
the same approach you should have with people you want to
know better than the superficial.
The second aspect that is very important is to feel the
emotion of iron clad trust while interacting with him. This
will show up in your mood very easily.
For example, as you converse with someone, imagine this in
the environment where you feel at ease the most. It could be
some idealized location such as a fishing lake pond or the
mountains. The key is to feel like yourself and trusting that
the person will open up to you on a deeper level. Run this in
your mind to feel the sense of belonging when with this
person.
This leads to the last element which is showing a deep
vulnerability. Take the initiative to tell a true story that
touches you. I normally tell an embarrassing story from my
youth that affected me in a hard way. Im very shameful to
admit any insecurity, but for this person I will. The honesty
shows right through.
For example, once I know someone well, Ill begin telling
them about my classmates teasing me as a youth because I
was really quiet. It made me frightened to speak up for a long

time. In high school, it only got worse. It wasnt until a
special person walked into my life, decided to mentor me a
bit and I came on the path of social recovery. I no longer feel
like a social outcast all the time. This produced a tremendous
effect because every time I see others in this type of societal
rejection, I cant help but offer my hand in assistance.
even if it was just a moment of my time.
Everyone has their own stories to weave and its just a matter
of you being able to lay all your cards on the table. Its the
demonstration of humanity that brings people closer, no
matter who it is.
Im not going to make any further assumptions, but if you
read this section a few times and understand it, you will have
many close friends for the rest of your life.
The Zoom Out Technique

Heres a technique that has done a lot for me whenever I am
tongue-tied or just need a re-frame for a stressful situation.
Lets say I was tongue-tied, Id simply imagine myself in the
third person perspective for a second or two. I noticed myself
there speaking or interacting with my environment,
whatever it may be. I pretend I am some cosmic deity for a
second. This literally taps new places in your mind.
Once in this zone for a moment, simply comment on the
situation from your deity vision. Interesting things always
come up when you do this enough! The key is repetition
because it may take you 30 seconds at first to get something
good. Then with more practice, you can get your 3rd person
mind thinking quite quickly.
Youll also develop a hunch for the best thing to say using
this technique over and over again. Just trust yourself and
your inner 3rd person guide. Its your little secret.
I normally get well practiced at this zoom out technique by
doing it for virtually any situation during the day. Zoom out
and mentally jot interesting things about the conversation or
situation. Youll be surprised what you can come up with
once you get out of your own head!
Lets take for example, if you were out at a social gathering
and stall on a great conversation topics you want to get in on,
but cant find the right words. Just use this technique and a
unique comment will get you in, without thinking too much.
The other advantage of this technique is that you literally

stop your past train of thought (that may be hindering your
real effectiveness). Thats another key factor to coming up
with lots of stuff to talk about stop whats hindering you.
Imaginary Debate Techniques

To really prep up and get in the zone for a social
interaction (important presentation, debate, etc), heres
something thats rarely failed me. Plus, you can only get
better as with all the techniques over time.
It is simply imagining a mock interaction in your head and
every possibility that it can take. Then make a counter to
each event that the other party (whether one person or a
crowd) brings to you. Make this 2 to 3 steps ahead in your
head.
Heres an example for a potential argument that you may
fear.
Scenario A
Them: So why were you so late?
You: Because I had overslept honestly.
Them: Do you not even care for other peoples time?
You: Thats never the case, I assure you. May I show you
what I have accomplished in the meantime?
Scenario B
Them: So why were you so late?
You: Because I had overslept honestly.
Them: Ill have to dismiss you from the job, unfortunately.
You: I know I shouldnt have done that, Ill make it my top
priority to avoid that in the future. Can I make it up to you
somehow to avoid losing the job?
Then negotiate.
The above is a very basic example with 2 counter scenarios.

If you want to get really good, obviously create a few more, a
few steps ahead. Imagining every scenario and counter
scenario before it happens. When it does, youll be prepared
with something very close.
The real value of this exercise is that youre preparing your
mind for a multitude of options to draw from when put on
the spot. What actually comes out will not be what you think,
in fact, itll usually be 10 times better once you get proficient!
Handling Difficult People/Situations

Ive made this problem handling section because people
always wonder how to communicate with difficult people.
The key here is to prove relevance to their situation and then
bend them over to your point of view. This is a very general
statement so let me explain.
Lets say you want to connect with someone who is very
different from you in way of life or thinking. The secret here
is to look for commonality at some level and drill from there
onwards. So lets say you are computer illiterate and you are
trying to join a conversation of tech geeks who may be
spewing jargon back and forth. Make sure to spend some
time listening before asking questions. The misconception is
that if you are silent you will lose respect; the opposite is
actually true many times because people are curious of what
they dont understand. Perhaps you are laughing at the
ignorance in their conversations They dont know yet!
How about someone who is emotionally difficult to handle?
You need to seek the common ground and calm their
emotions first before being able to convince them of anything
you say. So for example, the angry husband has to be
handled by first discovering what he wants out of the
argument and learning to appeal to that. As he calms, then
slowly contour the conversation to your light of thinking.
This re-framing technique is very useful in just about all
difficult situations.
Voice Practice
I wanted to mention this section because its worth
practicing, and even more, perfecting (especially if you are
male. If you are female, this section makes little difference).
Just like breathe regulation, voice regulation can do wonders
for your communication presence.
You can even try this with a friend.
1. Calm down your breathing and begin speaking deeply,
as if you are visualizing the sound coming from deep in
your abdomen. It may feel funny or fake, but keep
visualize and talk in a slow, deep tone.
2. Go through the vocal range of the vowels: Aaaaaaaaaaa
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Ooooooooooooo
Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
3. Talk sentences and keep repeating until you feel (or
your partner hears the difference). For a short whole,
youll hear your voice go on auto-pilot and youll keep
this composed, deeper voice for a short while.
Be sure to do this before going to an important social
function. Your voice will make you all that more attractive!
Believe me . Ive tested this over and over on myself and
some others.
Conclusion
I hope this manual has provided you with a priceless
resource on improving your social skills or sharpening what
you already do well.
Remember that mastering just one extra technique or
mindset, one youve never discovered before, will pay off in
spades for your social life.
Immersion method
For those who wish to take these methods to the test, try to
move to an entirely different region of the country for just a
few days. See it as a vacation and try to make as many
friends (yes, real lasting relationships) as possible, If you
find that easy, try to meet and connect with as many noted
figures in that area as possible. This means mayors, famous
CEOs, etc.
The catch is that you cannot rely on any existing contacts to
introduce you.
This may sound like a very illogical and funny exercise to
some, however I do this all the time traveling for clients its
simply an incredible skill to develop.
If you ever have any troubles or need some personal
coaching, just drop me and my team a line at:
http://www.conversationfire.com/contact.php
I will personally go out of my way to make sure every

member is taken cared of and will reach the desired goals
they were after. This may range from becoming more
outgoing to help with phobias.
Dont forget to check back as your membership grows in
value over time since Im adding new resources (downloads,
audio, and readings) for everyone. Take care and God bless!
Appendix A:
Shown above are spots on your body where a stress point may need
physical and neurological conditioning. See the audio lesson on
neurological condition for eliminating social discomforts.
The bottom two are the solar plexus (center right below the breast
area has an indent) and below that is the spot 1 inch above the belly
bottom which is the navel area.
Remember to be gentle and soothing. Do not do any exercises if it
goes against any medical condition and treatment. When in any
doubt, consult your doctor and physician first and strictly follow
those directions. This is not meant as a medical treatment in any
form.
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Conversation Fire system (we pay you 70% per purchase)?
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The Most Important Thing To Clarify

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As you may have already guessed, I update this manual on a

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Who Are You?

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Even if you do nothing else that I teach you in the book,

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Killing Shyness At Its Core

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Now, perform this visualization. Imagine the worst case

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Now, Im not saying you have to go out and meet strangers at

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The other irony is that the more I forced myself into

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Always Know What To Say

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back of your mind if you ever need a conversation filler and

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The hobby technique

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Starting Conversations Anytime,

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Now, once Im in the right mood and I see a stranger I wish

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anyone ) for the purposes of learning this skill and who

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( Note, I particularly liked Truemors because once I was

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How To Forge Friendships

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true, loyal friends and all the heyday drinking buddies. If

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6. Before you go to sleep, do a few visualizations of you

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ahead of time before going out to meet others. Spend

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this life is too short to check what others feel about

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EXACTLY what to do. This is charisma that stands out

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Standing Out Of The Crowd:

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If these people are not famous, just research the background

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After their performance or presentation if they have one,

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experiences. Your trivia/media/entertainment knowledge

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Deep Rapport & Trust

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will reciprocate more and more because they see who I am as

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was really quiet. It made me frightened to speak up for a long

Copyright 2008 The Conversation Fire System