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Richard Wetzel, MD
Based on Dr. Wetzels book:
SEXUAL WISDOM
Publishers Note:
As explained in the Introduction to Parents, this book was
written for older teenagers. Ideally, we recommend that parents
read it along with the student, however it may simply be given to
the student to read. This book should not be used in a classroom
or group setting. It should not be read by younger teenagers
unless directed by the students parents or primary caregiver.
Cover design by Emilio Rangel, based on Rachel McClains cover design of the book
Sexual Wisdom A Guide for Parents, Young Adults, Educators and Physicians by the
same author.
Reproductive system figures by Scott Solberg
Table of Contents
Publishers Pledge
..................................................................xiii
Lesson 2
Lesson 3
Lesson 4
Lesson 5
Lesson 6
HIV/AIDS ............................................................ 53
Pornography......................................................... 58
Lesson 7
Lesson 8
Lesson 9
Lesson 10
Abortion ............................................................... 99
Approaches to Infertility .................................... 106
Lesson 11
Lesson 12
Lesson 13
Lesson 14
Lesson 15
Lesson 16
Lesson 17
Lesson 18
................................................................. 191
Appendix A:
Appendix B:
Appendix C:
Appendix D:
................................................................. 207
Index
................................................................. 215
viii
Dedication
ix
Acknowledgments
Publishers Pledge
xiv
publisher. The international program must be overseen by the local
diocese and is currently closed to other organizations. Again, details
are on our web site.
This curriculum is a radical departure from chastity, or family
life, courses and presentations that have been available for decades.
Those programs include younger (13-14 year old) students or group
settings and so are necessarily restricted in their scope. They are like
taking students to the movies and then making them leave after the
previews. Much of the information that would benefit students is
inappropriate for younger teenagers and group settings, and so
students do not get to see the main feature. While some of these
programs offer a valuable introduction to the subject of sexual purity
to younger adolescents, this approach generally has been a tragic
failure. We are not opposed to chastity programs or books for younger
teenagers as long as they consistently address the sensitivities of the
less worldly students and more cautious parents. Some students are
inspired by these programs. They can admirably prime students for
the feature presentation, but cannot deliver it.
Sending home this book to parents for them to evaluate with their
student is like sending home a copy of the feature film so that the
parents can watch it with the student, the student can read it alone, or
anyone can refer back to it at any time. Showing the feature film to
students effectively equips them to face the immense and incessant
challenges to their purity in the contemporary, hook up culture.
This book gives young people, most of who are earnestly seeking
answers, the whole story about human sexuality and can be truly
transforming. The fact that so many youths are not receiving clear
instruction in theology, philosophy and sexual ethics is a grave
injustice.
For the latest information about this exciting, evolving program
please visit our web site at www.sexualwisdom.com.
Blessed Contardo Ferrini, pray for us!
AMDG*
Introduction to Parents
xvi
more general education on the faith but which offer little education in
Catholic sexuality, are not faithful to the magisterial teachings of
Mother Church, or are too dated to address some of the current issues
young Catholics face.
As a Catholic chastity educator for the last 20 years, I felt that
none of the available materials were the best possible option for my
own children; so I wrote this course for them. I am now presenting
this course to the public, for what benefit it may be to others. It is a
true gift to me each time I teach it to one of my children. This is a
Catholic course but it does not offer nor does it in any way replace
sound, comprehensive Catholic catechesis.
With this book, parents can provide a comprehensive, intimate,
one-on-one program to their own children. In so doing, a parent can
enrich this material by giving a personalized explanation of each
lesson as he or she reads it with the student alongside. Each student
must be considered individually and each parent will have his or her
own tales, experiences, struggles, and knowledge to share with the
child. While that is the optimal scheme for the use of this material it
is, admittedly, a great undertaking. Therefore, for a variety of reasons,
many households will not manage it.
In cases in which parents are unable to go through the course with
the teenager, the material is written so that a student may go through
it by himself. If this approach is used, parents should ensure that the
student is aware of the glossary at the end of the course for an
explanation of terms with which the student may be unfamiliar. Also,
such students should be encouraged to address questions about the
course to their parents or a wise and holy priest. The Adolescent
Course Examination may be used to document that the student read
and comprehended the material. The appendices for younger children,
found at the end of the course, should not be self-taught. Also, this
course should never be used in a classroom or group setting unless the
group is adults-only. Also, it should never be taught to two siblings at
once, but rather to one child at a time.
Because we live in a sexually challenged culture, which has led to
a crisis among our Catholic youth, every Catholic teenager should
take this course or its equivalent. While we do not wish to feed into
the unhealthy obsession that our society has with sexuality, issues
related to it are truly important, and the widespread inept, unthinking,
Introduction to Parents
xvii
and often barbaric modern ideas about sexuality cry out for a
counterpoint.
Children should be taught from an early age that there are some
issues which are adult in natureissues that they will not understand
until they reach a certain level of maturityand that a premature
discussion of them can be harmful. Parents who have laid this
foundation can refer back to it throughout the childs early years and
remind the child that he or she is not ready for certain subjects.
By the same token, parents must make it clear to their children
that they will address adult topics and answer all of their questions
when the time is right; and they must also make it clear that they look
forward to that day (although perhaps with some natural trepidation).
This arrangement makes sense to children, gives them confidence in
their parents, and helps to allay their natural anxieties about not
knowing enough about adult issues when they really do need to know
about them.
Parents may reasonably wonder what sex education is. What is it
that our Church expects of us as primary sex educators of our
children? It consists of many aspects, one of the most important being
the parents example. When Mom dresses modestly and when Dad
responds to a vulgar commercial by changing the TV channel they
send critical messages to children. Sex education also means
developing open lines of communication with childrendeveloping
strong bonds with them so that they are confident in our willingness
to address challenges with them, including those in the realm of
sexuality. Simply teaching children the faith is sex education. Many
aspects of the faith touch directly or indirectly on sexuality. For
example, the idea that each person must be treated with the dignity
due a child of God certainly implies that one should not engage in
sexual acts that are against that dignity. Religiosity within families
has been shown repeatedly to reduce the risk of teen pregnancy. It is
also part of home-based sex education to bring up subjects related to
sexuality during the teachable moment, for example, when an issue
comes up during family movie night or in a book one of the children
is reading for school. This, too, is invaluable sex education.
But sex education goes beyond these aspects in two ways.
Sexuality is a broad subject and it is unlikely that parents will bring
up the many important subjects related to it on a catch as catch can
xviii
Introduction to Parents
xix
The average teenager today knows far more about sex trivia and far
less about what sexuality is really about than any prior generation.
Parents should have every confidence that they can offer their
children a much better understanding of sexuality than what children
can learn on their own.
Providing children with a full presentation of Catholic sexuality
by the time they leave the nest as young adults has many benefits: it
ensures that children are adequately prepared for the contemporary
world, such as it is; it gives children confidence in their parents love
and concern for them; it lays the foundation for a lifetime of
discussions about intimate or deeply personal issues; and, by giving
younger children confidence that, at some point, they will be offered a
comprehensive course on sexuality, it will reduce the possibility that
children will prematurely search for answers from unreliable sources.
Further, parents cannot rely on schools, not even Catholic schools,
to educate their children properly on sexuality. The vast majority of
what publicly educated children receive in this country on sexuality is
grossly inappropriate and misleading. In many cases it is abusive and
blatantly sinful. Similarly, many Catholic schools fail to offer
students a faithful and proper introduction to the subject. Given what
children are up against in this culture, one could argue that todays
parents are negligent if they do not assure adequate Catholic sexuality
education for their children through late adolescence. Again, I suggest
that every Catholic teenager should take this course or its
equivalent, even if the student has had some sort of sexuality
education in school.
Some will argue that the material presented here should be
discussed at younger ages than we propose. It is true that there are
some children who are exposed to adult issues so prematurely that
delaying discussion until the student is 16 or 17 is impractical and
awkward. Parents must use their best judgment. Although some may
feel that the age of 16 is too young for some students, waiting until a
student is 18 may give the student the idea that his or her parents lack
confidence in the students development. In general, male students
should be taught earlier than females and homeschoolers should be
taught later than those in traditional school settings. We consider 1617 years of age to be the best time to teach the course to a female,
homeschooled student.
xx
Introduction to Parents
xxi
xxii
end of the course (with a cut out answer sheet) in case parents wish to
use this course for home schooling credit or to monitor that their
student has read all the material.
My book, Sexual Wisdom: A Guide for Parents, Young Adults,
Educators and Physicians, was written to help adults (regardless of
their faith) clarify their ideas about sexuality and offers general
guidelines about how to educate ones children. It uses a nontheological, natural law approach. To compliment this book we
recommend to Catholic adults Christopher Wests book, Good News
About Sex and Marriage, which covers much the same ground as
Sexual Wisdom but from the standpoint of Catholic theology.
While it is impossible (and not really desirable) to shelter children
entirely from adult issues in our oversexed culture, it is possible (and
desirable) to shelter them to a great degree. Children have a
developmental need to have a childhood, an age of innocence, but this
is often compromised in our contemporary world. Home-based
sexuality education begins in early childhood by the manner in which
parents present a respectful approach to intimacy. Modesty, in
particular, is an important concept that young children readily grasp.
The following suggestions are meant to help parents shelter their
children from unnecessary, potentially harmful exposure to sexuallyoriented materials until they are ready.
Daily newspapers tend to have little regard for the sensitivities
of children. We recommend not receiving a local, daily
newspaper in your home. The Wall Street Journal is a superb
alternative. It carries a great deal of business news that neither we
nor our children care about, but it also offers concise news
summaries and intelligent editorials, book reviews and stories,
and does not carry offensive, blaring headlines or front-page
articles about the latest vulgarity. And, because it has very few
pictures, children who are too young to read a newspaper ignore
it. Those who are old enough appreciate it.
As an alternative to a local newspaper, parents may wish to
use Internet news sites for articles to keep children up-to-date
with major events in a more filtered manner. We leave printouts
from these on the breakfast table for our children.
Introduction to Parents
xxiii
xxiv
can. The dialogue that follows such an incident may not end with one
conversation. It should be made clear that either the parent or child
should feel free to raise the issue again to re-discuss the incident, or
related subjects. You want to make sure that the child knows that you
are always there for him, even to discuss uncomfortable questions. It
is important to reiterate these points until you are sure the child is
clear on them.
If there is a sense that the child sinned during the incident, the
child should go to Confession. But caution is appropriate here
because there may be no sin involved and some children are overly
hard on themselves after such an incident. The people in the
pornography sinned, but usually not the child.
If such an incident occurs, parents may also want to peruse the
pornography section of this curriculum for ideas to discuss with the
child as the parents feel appropriate.
In addition to the comprehensive course for late adolescents (1617 year-olds) the curriculum also contains four elements for children
10-14 years of age, as follows:
A Brief Guide for What Fathers Should Discuss with 10-11
Year-Old Boys.
A Brief Guide for What Fathers Should Discuss with 12-13
Year-Old Boys.
A Brief Guide for What Mothers Should Discuss with Girls
Before the First Menstrual Period.
A Very Brief Note about Discussing Homosexuality with 14Year-Olds.
The last of these elements and the full course for late
adolescence may be taught by a parent or primary caregiver of
either gender. There are legitimate reasons for preferring that this
subject matter be taught by someone of the same gender as the
student. However, I favor the father teaching the adolescent
course, regardless of the gender of the child who is being taught.
Fathers are generally more suited to ensuring that their children
dont fall prey to the harsh blows life can deal; fathers seem more
suited to teach children how to manage in a bad neighborhood,
Introduction to Parents
xxv
xxvi
SEFAB, Inc.
P0 Box 5574
Huntington Beach, California 92615
USA
The book, Sexual Wisdom: A Guide for Parents, Young Adults,
Educators and Physicians, may be ordered through your local
bookstore or online. For bulk orders please visit our website:
www.sexualwisdom.com.
Saint Francis of Assisis Prayer before the Crucifix
Most High, glorious God, enlighten the darkness of my heart.
Give me true faith, certain hope, and perfect charity, sense and
knowledge, Lord, that I may carry out Your holy and true
command. Amen.
Lesson 1
The Biology of Human Sexuality
because the desire for such pleasure often becomes an occasion for
sin and abuse.
In general, the modern age has a horribly perverted approach to
sexuality, although every generation has had some share of botching
up the issue. One concern for parents is how much to discuss with
their children, especially about the abnormal behaviors and attitudes.
Since it is important to know about sexuality, this course will tell you
a great deal.
The subject matter for this lesson is normal sexuality. Much of
the rest of the course will deal with abnormal sexuality. We will first
discuss the biology of sex so that we all know what we are talking
about, and then we will turn to the Churchs teaching about what it all
means. The discussion of healthy, normal sexuality is relatively brief
because there is not much to tell of how sexuality ought to be. The
basic idea is not at all complicated from the biological standpoint.
Most of the specifics about normal sexual behavior is learned by the
married couple in their personal relations with each other. The
couples particular preferences determine what patterns of behavior
are present in their relationship, and cannot be taught in a course.
The Marital Embrace: The Birds and the Bees
A friend noted that when his dad told him about the birds and the
bees the whole thing made him feel sick to his stomach. It may
initially strike you that way because the biological realities about
sexuality may not be the way you imagined them. But bear in mind
that it is all Gods plan and because of this there is profound goodness
and beauty in it. Your appreciation of this will increase with time.
Married couples express their affection for each other in many
ways: hugging, kissing, holding hands, etc. But the most intimate and
important way they express physical intimacy is through sexual
intercourse.
Foreplay: Before married couples engage in sexual intercourse, they must first become sexually aroused.
o Male Arousal: When the husband becomes aroused his
penis develops an erection. The penis becomes much
firmer, longer and wider.
Fertilization
A sperm cell starts to penetrate the outer layer of the egg cell. The
moment of conception or fertilization, when life begins, is about to happen.
Image copyright Dennis Kunkel Microscopy, Inc. (www.denniskunkel.com)
Matthew 22:35-40
And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question, to test him.
Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law? And he
(Jesus) said to him, You shall love the Lord your God with all
your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is
the great and first commandment. And a second is like it, You
shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the law and the prophets.
Ephesians 5:21-31
Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives,
be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the
head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and
is himself its Savior. As the church is subject to Christ, so let
wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. Husbands
love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up
for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the
washing of water with the word, that he might present the church
to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing,
that she might be holy and without blemish. Even so husbands
should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his
wife loves himself. For no man ever hates his own flesh, but
nourishes and cherishes it, as Christ does the church, because we
are members of his body.
1 Cor. 6:15-20
Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ?
Shall I therefore take the members of Christ and make them
members of a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who
joins himself to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it
is written, The two shall become one flesh. But he who is united
to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Shun immorality. Every
other sin which a man commits is outside the body; but the
immoral man sins against his own body. Do you not know that
your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you
have from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a
price. So glorify God in your body.
10
1618. Christ is the center of all Christian life. The bond with him
takes precedence over all other bonds, familial or social. From the
very beginning of the Church there have been men and women who
have renounced the great good of marriage to follow the Lamb
wherever he goes (into the priesthood or religious life), to be intent on
the things of the Lord, to seek to please him, and to go out to meet the
Bridegroom who is coming. Christ himself has invited certain persons
to follow him in this way of life, of which he remains the model.
1619. Virginity (not having sex before marriage) for the sake of the
kingdom of heaven is an unfolding of baptismal grace, a powerful
sign of the supremacy of the bond with Christ and of the ardent
expectation of his return, a sign which also recalls that marriage is a
reality of this present age which is passing away.
And Now a Word from Our Recent Popes (with some parenthetical
clarifications):
Pope John Paul II (who was pope before Pope Benedict XVI)
wrote in The Role of the Christian Family in the Modern World (in
Latin, Familiaris Consortio -1981):
11. Consequently, sexuality, by means of which man and woman
give themselves to one another through the acts which are proper
and exclusive to spouses, is by no means something purely
biological, but concerns the innermost being of the human person
as such. It is realized in a truly human way only if it is an integral
part of the love by which a man and a woman commit themselves
totally to one another until death.
Later he writes:
11. The only place in which this self-giving in its whole truth is
made possible is marriage, the covenant of conjugal (marital) love
freely and consciously chosen, whereby man and woman accept
the intimate community of life and love willed by God Himself
which only in this light manifests its true meaning. The institution
of marriage is not an undue interference by society or authority,
nor the extrinsic imposition of a form. Rather it is an interior
11
12
selfless love. He makes the extraordinary point that, although eros has
been criticized throughout history, Christianity teaches that in its
proper place it is mutually complementary to agape and that indeed
agape is less complete without the genuine expression of eros. He
writes:
5. . . . the contemporary way of exalting the body is deceptive.
Eros, reduced to pure sex, has become a commodity, a mere
thing to be bought and sold, or rather, man himself becomes a
commodity. This is hardly man's great yes to the body. On the
contrary, he now considers his body and his sexuality as the
purely material part of himself, to be used and exploited at will.
Nor does he see it as an arena for the exercise of his freedom, but
as a mere object that he attempts, as he pleases, to make both
enjoyable and harmless. Here we are actually dealing with a
debasement of the human body: no longer is it integrated into our
overall existential freedom; no longer is it a vital expression of
our whole being, but it is more or less relegated to the purely
biological sphere. The apparent exaltation of the body can quickly
turn into a hatred of bodiliness. Christian faith, on the other hand,
has always considered man a unity in duality, a reality in which
spirit and matter (or body) compenetrate (permeate each other),
and in which each is brought to a new nobility. True eros tends to
rise in ecstasy towards the Divine, to lead us beyond ourselves;
yet for this very reason it calls for a path of ascent, renunciation,
purification and healing.
Our Holy Father continues to write about how often it has been
the case that cultures have mistakenly separated these two kinds of
love, even to the point of positioning them in conflict with each other.
7. Yet eros and agape . . . can never be completely separated. The
more the two, in their different aspects, find a proper unity in the
one reality of love, the more the true nature of love in general is
realized. Even if eros is at first mainly covetous and ascending, a
fascination for the great promise of happiness, in drawing near to
the other, it is less and less concerned with itself, increasingly
seeks the happiness of the other, is concerned more and more with
the beloved, bestows itself and wants to be there for the other.
13
The element of agape thus enters into this love, for otherwise eros
is impoverished and even loses its own nature.
Later in the document he writes:
11. From the standpoint of creation, eros directs man towards
marriage, to a bond which is unique and definitive; thus, and only
thus, does it fulfill its deepest purpose. Corresponding to the
image of a monotheistic God is monogamous marriage. Marriage
based on exclusive and definitive love becomes the icon of the
relationship between God and his people and vice versa. God's
way of loving becomes the measure of human love. This close
connection between eros and marriage in the Bible has practically
no equivalent in extra-biblical literature.
This lesson will never end if I keep quoting wonderful passages
from the Bible and the Church, but no Catholic course on sexuality
would be complete without mention of Pope John Paul IIs Theology
of the Body. (Theology is the study of God and religion.) From
1979 to 1984 the Holy Father gave 129 short talks on human sexuality
for his Wednesday papal audiences. This group of talks is collectively
known as the Theology of the Body and has been published in book
form, the text of which runs over 400 pages. Theologian George
Weigel has called it a theological time-bomb set to go off with
dramatic consequences . . . perhaps in the 21st century. The Theology
of the Body is education on the graduate university level. It is not an
easy read. While I generally strongly encourage all students and
parents to read original Church documents in their entirety whenever
possible, this is one of the rare cases when, for most people, it is more
practical to study one small section of the document at a time, to
study it with a group (study groups for the Theology of the Body are
forming in many parishes) or to read explanations of the document as
a whole. For the sake of brevity I will not include quotes from this
tremendous document here but will just include some of main points
from this teaching in the summary below.
Selected Summary of Catholic Church Teaching on Sexuality:
Man and woman were created for each other. They are a
wonderful, natural complement to each other on a physical,
14
See Catholic theologian John Kippleys superb book, Sex and the Marriage Covenant
(Ignatius Press, 2006)
15
Lesson 2
Sex without Love
Now that we have seen the Catholic view of sexuality lets look at
the extreme opposite view which, sadly, has a large following in
todays world.
Falsehood: Sex without love is healthy, normal or natural.
Healthy sex emphasizes true love over all other priorities.
Because priorities often conflict they must be ordered. One must be
valued over another. When priorities, such as freedom or pleasure, are
17
18
Some people actually believe that sex with a stranger can somehow compare with the multi-dimensional experience of sex with
ones spouse and lifelong love. The truth is that most people who
accept this simply have not experienced the extraordinary depth of the
sexual experience of a married couple. They dont know what they
are talking about. To consider sex without love to be a realistic option
one has to be living life on a very low level and have very little hope
for ones future.
At my college graduation, my chemistry professor told me that I
should go to Alaska and have sex with a bunch of different women.
This, apparently, was his idea of what a college graduate should do
for an intense experience.
Situations of Sex without Love:
Prostitution: the crime of engaging in sexual acts for money.
Prostitutes are almost always women. Prostitution is very
commonly associated with poverty, drug use, other criminal
activity, diseases, mental illness (such as depression and anxiety
problems), violence, abortion and suicide.
It is called the oldest profession.
Other names for a prostitute are whore, harlot,
streetwalker, slut, call girl, hooker, concubine, ho
Pimp/madam: Man/woman who acts as the boss of a
group of prostitutes at one time. Pimps or madams
supposedly protect prostitutes from the dangerous
circumstances within which they work. But pimps,
especially, are known for the terrible, abusive treatment of
prostitutes working for them.
House of prostitution (brothel, whorehouse, flophouse,
house of ill repute, bordello): A building which houses
prostitutes. It is a place often associated with street drugs,
violence and crime.
19
20
Premarital Sex
Pope John Paul II: The great drama of any life is the
struggle to surrender the person I am to the person I ought to
be.
Having healthy, good attitudes about sexuality throughout the
process of courtship and marriage is a great challenge. Everyone
makes mistakes. There is plenty of confusion about the relationship
between sexuality and romance among adults let alone teenagers.
One irony you may notice is that young people with the most
experience often have the worst attitudes. It took me a long time to
realize that the students in my high school who dated the most and
had the most sexual experience knew less about the real meaning of
sex than the students with less sexual experience, who had more
adult, mature, realistic attitudes.
Premarital sex (referred to as fornication in the Bible)
Premarital sex means that a couple has sex before marriage, that
is, two unmarried people have intimate sexual experiences with each
other. This is, by far, the #1 reason people seek help from a physician
with problems related to sexuality. It is one of the biggest mistakes
people make in their lives. An incredible number of people fail to see
the many types of consequences and the seriousness of the
consequences of having sex before marriage.
Premarital sex is always a serious compromise on love and so is
always a serious sin. We can understand this better if we consider
some of the potential outcomes of premarital sex, which can be
classified as spiritual, physical, psychological (or mental), and social.
A sensible person does not put someone he or she loves at risk for
serious, unnecessary consequences. (Notice that the following lists are
not meant to be complete. The student may wish to add other risks.)
Premarital Sex
21
22
Psychological Risks:
Loss of self-esteem or self-respect: Questioning if one is using
sex in desperation to keep up a fragile relationship; wondering
if one is allowing oneself to be used because of fear of
unpopularity or other insecurities.
Resentment over being used, over an unwanted pregnancy,
or over acquiring a sexually transmitted disease (STD).
Fear of the physical risks listed above and the social risks
listed below, or of being caught. As a college student wrote to
a newspaper: My boyfriend and I are both very careful about
birth control, but Im well aware that no method is infallible.
The possibility that I might get pregnant haunts me.
Guilt: Wondering if one is exploiting a partner or putting a
partner at risk for selfish reasons; wondering how, if an
unwanted pregnancy results, one will explain everything
years later when the child begins to ask questions, or how one
would feel after an abortion.
Loss of intimacy: use of sex to avoid rather than to express
intimacy (especially in relationships already weakened by
poor communication); substitution of activities based on
external appearances for those which would create emotional
intimacy.
Embarrassment: worry over disapproval of ones parents or
ones own children or friends should they find out;
embarrassment over the possibility of others learning that one
is pregnant or is being treated for an STD.
Distrust: Questioning why a partner is willing to put one at
risk for the problems associated with premarital sex; doubting
that one is loved when there is no clear commitment, or that
the partner will continue to be supportive in case of an
Premarital Sex
23
24
So many and so serious are these risks that one teenager broke
down in tears just reading through this list. She had already had sex
and could relate in a very personal way to many of the risks on the
list.
Consider the above list in light of the many TV shows, movies and
songs that glamorize premarital sex and trivialize the problems
associated with it. No one ever gets a disease or gets pregnant from
casual sex according to these bright lights in our culture. They often
make diseases and unwanted pregnancies out to be jokes and ignore
the dark side of premarital sexinfluencing unknowing young
people.
Consider the statistical facts: There are over 800,000 abortions performed in the U.S. each year. Eighty percent of these abortions are
done on single women.
Then Imagine: If just half of the people involved in premarital sex
said that they valued each other too much, esteemed each other too
much, loved each other too much to continue to put each other at risk
for the problems involved with premarital sex:
There would be over 300,000 fewer abortions in the U.S.
each year.
Because poverty is directly related to illegitimacy, government expenditures for welfare, food stamps and similar
programs would drop dramatically.
Because many prisoners were illegitimate children they have
poor relationships with their fathers. If they had been born
into stable families their chance of having gotten involved in
crime would be much less. If half of those criminals had
parents who had loved more and not had sex before marriage,
crime rates would drop and prisons would close.
Premarital Sex
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Lesson 3
Premarital Sex (Continued)
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Boredom
How many of the above motives are selfish in nature and not
loving at all?
How Teens Can Say "No" To Premarital Sex
The direct approach: Push off!
The less direct approach: I cant. It would be a sin.
Be polite yet assertive.
Use the Sandwich technique: say "No" in between positive
statements such as I really like you and I hope we can get
together again soon.
Use the Broken record technique: Keep saying No.
Change the subject. Make a joke; laugh off the proposition.
Suggest another activity that both of you would enjoy. Go out
in publicquickly, before you start down the wrong path.
Don't start to say Yes, and then try to say No. Keep your
outerwear on so no one gets the idea to take your underwear
off.*
Say Ask my parents, and if its OK with them then its OK
with me.
How to Say "No" Before the Subject Comes Up
Wear a reminder of your faith in a visible location, such as a
crucifix on a necklace.
Dress modestly without drawing undue attention to your
physical attributes. We express ourselves by the way we
dress. For women who cant decide if an outfit is modest or
not, Catholic chastity teacher Mary Beth Bonnaci has some
good advice: ask someone with whom you are not romanticcally involved and who understands sexual purity and lives
chastely (such as brother) if the outfit is modest or not, and
decide whether to wear it based on his judgment.
Agree to go to family oriented entertainment but not to PG13 or R-rated type of entertainment, because it usually
*
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others to behave. Consider how you would want someone you respect
to act under the same circumstances. If you are at a party where a
vulgar movie is being shown, consider how your parents, other
respected family members, or a saint you have read about would act
and follow that example.
Abstinence teachers use a simple demonstration to open
discussions of sex with adolescents. A boy volunteer is chosen and a
strip of duct tape is applied firmly to his forearm. The tape is said to
symbolize the bond between himself and a girl who gives up her
virginity to him (that is, she has sex for the first time). The instructor
emphasizes the tightness of the bond, how with a first boyfriend the
inexperienced girl is capable of giving herself entirely. When the
relationship breaks up, the tape is torn off the boy's forearm,
representing the pain that the two experience from dissolution of the
bond. The tape is then transferred to successive boy volunteers, each
representing a different sexual partner for the girl. With each transfer
it loses some of its ability to stick to the boy. This loss of stickiness
represents the weakening ability of the girl to bond and form intimate
relationships with her sexual partners as she has more of them. Finally
the tape has no stickiness at all, and so its removal from a boy's
forearm takes no effort and causes no pain. The now disheartened and
cynical girl is numb in her relationships with males. She is incapable
of giving herself to them, incapable of fully trusting them, and
incapable of becoming deeply intimate with them. The same can be
said for a boy who has had a number of girl partners.
Falsehood: Premarital sex is the private decision of the two people
involved.
Intimate sexual behaviors do not occur within a vacuum, but
within surroundings made up of many relationships and situations.
What goes on inside the bedroom can deeply affect the couple and
others outside the bedroom. Consider the social risks listed
previously. Or consider the 15-year-old pregnant girl, whose baby I
delivered, who tried to commit suicide when she learned she was
pregnant. How would her suicide have affected her family?
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There was never any doubt that the women I dated were not going out
with me for my car. Any lady willing to get into that thing must have
genuinely liked me. A crummy car was a blessing. Funny. The same
holds true for premarital sex. If a couple abstains from intimate sexual
activity before marriage, they can be that much more confident that
each person really does love the other and that they will be that much
more likely to succeed in building a future together.
The Anima Christi (The Soul of Christ)
Soul of Christ, sanctify me.
Body of Christ, save me.
Blood of Christ, inebriate me.
Water from the side of Christ, wash me.
Passion of Christ, strengthen me.
O good Jesus, hear me.
Within Thy wounds, hide me.
Separated from Thee let me never be.
From the malignant enemy, defend me.
At the hour of death, call me.
To come to Thee, bid me,
That I may praise Thee in the company
Of Thy Saints, for all eternity. Amen.
Lesson 4
Premarital Sex (Continued)
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who take pleasure in looking at members of the opposite sex who are
immodestly dressed.
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his inheritance, and ended up yearning to eat the food given to the
pigs. He sinned miserably. Pope Benedicts focus, however, is not on
this son, but on the older son. For when the younger one finally
returns home and his father gives a banquet and kills the fatted calf,
his older brother is bitter. Why? Pope Benedict XVI asks. The
answer the pope gives is that just like the younger brother, this son
had never really embraced the true freedom and happiness that he
had. He did not go so far as to leave home, but his bitterness revealed
that for him, too, the great privilege of living in a home in which
Everything I have is yours was not enough.
How often we fail, like the older son, to appreciate the gift of
living in tune with Our Fathers willin tune with our human nature.
How often we too live, at least in part, with the false notion that there
is something that will satisfy us even beyond having everything that
Jesus offers. How often do we let a bitterness lead us to temptation?
The great Saint Augustine (354-430 AD) wrote the famous line:
You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless
until it rests in you. Once we understand that only God can fulfill
us, we understand that the most important challenge of life is always
to try our best to follow Gods plan for us, and always to hold open
the door for little old ladies. We will understand, then, that no dating
or sexual relationship, or even marriage, can fully deliver or fulfill a
person.
Yet our culture constantly bombards us with these mistaken
messages. They are expressed in most types of popular music, in
movies, on TV and radio, and in many other ways in our culture. You
will hear these silly messages in a million different ways in your
lifetime and will do well to consciously reject them.
To hold off from having sex before marriage may someday prove
to be a great challenge to you. You may find yourself very tempted.
Many do. Can you love yourself, your partner and God enough to do
the right thing? Can you hold Christ that close?
All of us fail in some ways in our lives. In high school I worked
very hard to break 9:30 in the 2-mile race, but I physically couldnt do
it. However, there is no such barrier with love. No one has to fail
seriously in virtue, love or morality. With Gods help, you can love
others (future boyfriends or girlfriends) enough to avoid serious
sexual sin.
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Rules to Follow:
The following simple, traditional rules help tremendously in
avoiding many of the troubles associated with sexuality.
1) Dont become physically intimate with anyone until you get
married.
Limit yourself to holding hands, hugging, and kissing (not
prolonged or to the point of arousal).
Keep clothing on.
No touching in private areas.
2) Bear in mind that no person can deliver you from inner unrest,
only God can.
3) Women naturally recognize the relationship between love and
sexuality better than men. As we will discuss, women have to
deal more with the results of unhealthy attitudes about sex.
Women suffer more from babies born out of wedlock, STDs,
contraceptive side effects, and emotional problems. Smart
ladies dont depend on men to guide them in decisions about
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Lesson 5
The Variety of Sexual Behavior
The Sexual Revolution began in earnest in the 1960s and has been
associated with an extreme increase in sexual promiscuity. (A
promiscuous person is one who engages in sexual intercourse or other
intimate sexual acts with many people.) Research clearly shows that
premarital sex and extramarital sex (sex between two people at least
one of whom is married to someone else) are far more common today
than before the revolution. Many other forms of sexual behavior
have also become much more common during this period.
Alternative Sexual Behaviors:
When a husband and wife express their love sexually, they may
participate in any behavior that expresses affection and love as long
as they do not separate the procreative (making babies) and
pleasurable aspects of sexuality. This means that orgasm, or climax,
must be achieved through genital/genital contact. As we will discuss
later, seeking climax in ways which separate the procreative and
pleasurable aspects of sexuality opens the door for less respectful,
loving attitudes. An example of this is oral sex, which we will explain
shortly, in which the act can bring a person the pleasure of climax but
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cannot make one pregnant. For this reason, among others, oral sex to
climax is immoral and sinful.
Each spouse should approach their sexual relationship open to the
desires of the partner. While no should one should engage in sexual
acts that are degrading or that make either spouse uncomfortable,
there should be a basic willingness to experiment and be creative with
each other.
Selected quotes from John Paul IIs book Love and Responsibility
(1960):
Page 271. It is the very nature of the act that the man plays the
active role and takes the initiative, while the woman is a
comparatively passive partner, whose function it is to accept and
to experience.
Page 272. The man must take this difference between male and
female reactions into account, not for hedonistic (to please
oneself), but for altruistic (to please the other) reasons. There
exists a rhythm dictated by nature itself which both spouses must
discover so that climax may be reached both by the man and by
the woman, and as far as possible occur in both simultaneously.
Page 273. It must be taken into account that it is naturally difficult
for the woman to adapt herself to the man in the sexual
relationship, that there is a natural unevenness of physical and
psychological rhythms, so that there is a need for harmonization,
which is impossible without good will, especially on the part of
the man, who must carefully observe the reactions of the woman.
Page 275. Precisely because a slower and more gradual rise in the
curve of sexual arousal is characteristic of the female orgasm the
need for tenderness during physical intercourse, and also before it
begins and after its conclusion, is explicable in purely biological
terms. If we take into account the shorter and more violent curve
of arousal in the man, an act of tenderness on his part in the
context of marital intercourse acquires the significance of an act
of virtue . . .
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each should ensure that the other is a willing participant in any sexual
contact and that the sexual desires of both are addressed.
Nocturnal Emissions or wet dreams:
This is climaxing while asleep during a dream. It is a natural,
normal event often associated with sexually stressful dreams or other
stressful dreams. It is not associated with any diseases, nor is it sinful.
There are now 50 types of STDs and 12 million new cases each
year in the U.S.
It is estimated that one in five Americans is now infected with an
incurable STD.
It is estimated that over 30% of sexually active teenagers have
venereal warts (warts on the genitals).
From 1970 to 1990 the estimated number of tubal pregnancies
increased fivefold. Tubal pregnancies are a life-threatening
emergency and the increase in them is a direct result of the
increase in STDs of the fallopian tubes. Bacteria from the male
pass though the vagina and uterus and infect the fallopian tubes.
The infection causes scarring that can block an embryo trying to
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It is very common to have an infection yet not have any symptoms and pass on an STD to others. One can have any STD and
have no symptoms and pass it on to someone else without
knowing.
Many STDs are incurable.
Different STDs are often found together. If someone is found to
be infected with one STD, that person may have become infected
with other STDs at same time.
Those who use drugs, or drink too much alcohol, are more likely
to get STDs, presumably because they are more likely to have
poor judgment and be more promiscuous.
Many STDs can be transmitted from a pregnant woman to her
newborn child.
The table on the next two pages is a brief summary of the most
notable STDs. The symptoms and accuracy of screening tests are
listed on the first page and the available treatments and complications
are on the second page. (The statistics are referenced in my book,
Sexual Wisdom.)
Disease
Symptoms
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Accuracy of Screening
Tests
Chlamydia
Gonorrhea
Syphilis
Good to excellent:
generally well above 80%.
Herpes
Hepatitis
B&C
Venereal
Warts
Poor: 30-80%.
HIV
Disease
and AIDS
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Disease
Treatment
Complications
Chlamydia
Antibiotics. Possible
hospitalization or surgery for
females with severe cases.
Permanent effects may persist
despite appropriate therapy.
Gonorrhea
Antibiotics. Possible
hospitalization or surgery for
females with severe cases.
Permanent effects may persist
despite appropriate therapy.
Syphilis
Herpes
Hepatitis
B&C
No cure. Immunization
available for Hepatitis B to
prevent infection of sexual
partners or exposed newborns
from known carriers.
Development of chronic
carrier state (no symptoms but
contagious to sexual partner or
fetus), liver failure, death.
Venereal
Warts
HIV
Disease
and AIDS
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Lesson 6
HIV/AIDS
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high risk) and about 17% get infected from using intravenous
(IV) drugs (especially black men).
Because HIV can travel through the placenta, it can infect the
babies HIV-infected women are carrying during pregnancy.
With current medical care this is now rare.
Couples who only have regular genital-genital intercourse can
transmit the virus from one to the other, but this is much less
likely than with anal intercourse.
There is some risk to doctors and nurses from getting poked
by a needle that has been used on a patient with HIV.
After being exposed to HIV, whether through sex or through
IV drug abuse, it usually takes 3-6 months before the blood
test for HIV turns positive. HIV can cause flu-like symptoms
in the first three months of the infection.
The virus gradually multiplies in the persons system over
years and causes the persons immune system to fail. Then he
or she develops opportunistic infections (those that only
occur in people who have a faulty immune systems) and
unusual tumors. Once these develop, the person has the
Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome (AIDS), the last stage
of HIV infection. It often takes about 10 years after infection
with HIV to develop AIDS. AIDS is almost uniformly deadly
without strong medications. With the discovery of new
medications the death rate from HIV has dropped from 80%
to 25%. Medical science is gradually developing more
medications to treat HIV and AIDS.
HIV/AIDS
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HIV/AIDS
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Pornography
Matthew 5:27-28
You have heard that it was said, You shall not commit
adultery. But I say to you that every one who looks at a
woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in
his heart.
Websters Dictionary defines pornography as writings, pictures,
etc., intended to arouse sexual desires. Dirty pictures is a more
succinct definition. Dirty because pornography takes something
beautiful and throws it in the gutter. Pornography includes
photographs, movies or stories about people, mostly women, who are
in various states of undress or who are engaged in sexual activities.
Pornography is hard to define because it is sometimes difficult to
draw the line between modesty and immodesty. One photograph of a
naked woman may not be pornographic, yet another of a woman
partially clothed may be pornographic. A U.S Supreme Court justice
addressed this confusion when he wrote of pornography: Cant
define it but know it when I see it. Porno is Greek for prostitute.
Most pornography is directed toward men, since men are far more
visually oriented when it comes to sexuality. The first major
pornographic publications appeared in the 1950s.
Some pornographers try to make pornography more acceptable by
including girl-next-door kind of pictures and interesting articles.
Softcore or milder forms of pornography might seem less harmful
than hardcore forms (which are the worst). But because softcore
pornography is much more common, its overall effect on mens
attitudes is probably at least as great as that of hardcore porn. Also,
use of softcore porn usually leads to viewing of hardcore porn.
Pornography
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Pornography
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Pornography
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Pornography
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The Memorare
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection,
implored they help, or sought thy intercession was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence,
I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother.
To thee I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful.
O Mother of the Word Incarnate,
despise not my petitions,
but in thy mercy hear and answer me. Amen.
Lesson 7
Artificial Contraception and Sterilization
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We are the culture that idolizes singers, movie stars and other
entertaining but otherwise unimpressive persons who are often in
and out of drug treatment centers, in and out of court over child
custody, domestic violence, or divorce proceedings, blah, blah,
blah.
Most adults culture cant name such basics as:
o The Seven Deadly Sins (which are, for the record, pride,
greed, envy, anger, laziness, lust and gluttony.)
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Failure rates:
The typical failure rate for contraceptives is from 3-10%. For
example, The Pill has an 11% failure rate for females under 19 years
of age and 4-5% for those over 19. Notice that these are failure rates
per year. Therefore, the likelihood of pregnancy increases with each
year used.
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Surgical Sterilization:
This is called a vasectomy for men. The vas deferens are
surgically tied off and cut. For women the sterilization procedure is
called a tubal ligation or getting ones tubes tied. The fallopian
tubes are surgically tied off and cut. The failure rate of either of these
procedures is 3-5 per 1,000 patients per year, which is to say that they
do occasionally fail to sterilize the person.
But What About Love?
The main problems with artificial methods of contraception are
clear when we consider the effect of contraceptives and sterilization
on our five aspects of love:
Respect:
Contraception focuses sexual activity on achieving pleasure as
opposed to nurturing a relationship. A boyfriend demands that a
woman has sex with him to prove her love. He may not be so
ready to abuse her if she was not on The Pill. Or, a boyfriend says
to his girlfriend: I know youre afraid of getting pregnant or
getting a disease but dont worry, Ill use a condom. By
promising to eliminate the possibility of pregnancy and STDs, the
risks associated with sex are played down and sexual risk-taking
is encouraged. Contracepting couples are more likely to ignore the
risk of pregnancy that sexual intercourse entails. It is
disrespectful to ignore the risks you create for others and so
contraceptives encourage disrespect, especially for women.
Consider the following conversation with a patient:
Me: Is there any possibility that you are pregnant?
Twenty-something patient: No
Me: No possibility whatsoever?
Patient: No, Im on The Pill.
Me: The Pill has a failure rate.
Patient: Dont say that.
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earlier. When she called her husband, his response brought her to
tears so she handed the phone to me. I was amazed to find that he
was more concerned with suing the physician who performed her
sterilization procedure than with the safety of his wife and child!
Contraceptives and sterilization encourage people to accept
only limited responsibility. But limiting our responsibility means
limiting our love. People who use artificial contraceptives are
being only sort of responsiblelike the driver who asks the
passengers to buckle up their seat belts but then drives recklessly.
Commitment:
With contraceptives people are freed to have sex with less
commitment or with no commitment at all (a one-night-stand,
hooking up or prostitution). For example, a friend was dating a
wonderful man whom she envisioned to be her future husband.
Her contraceptive failed and she became pregnant. His response
was to write her a check to pay for an abortion and he then
disappeared from her life. He was relying on the contraceptive to
give him the pleasure that he wanted. Only after the contraceptive
failed did she understand that he was not committed to the
relationship.
Self-discipline:
Contraceptives promote the false belief that people cannot
control themselves. Uncontrollable urges become needs that can
only be met through the use of contraceptives. (More on this in
Lesson 11.) Contraceptives and sterilization require essentially no
sexual restraint. With them, one need not practice the virtue of
temperance or self-control, the cardinal virtue associated with
chastity.
Trust:
Because of the many problems just discussed, the use of
contraceptives often creates distrust in relationships. For example,
I dont love him but we can make love anyway because Im on
The Pill. Or, Shes willing to have sex, but how committed is
she to this relationship?
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help to allay the unhealthy effects on their attitudes. This should first
be discussed with the couples spiritual advisor. The key point in all
of this is that artificial contraceptives have an inherent tendency to
obstruct a couples efforts to achieve holiness, and this truth must be
honestly addressed by every married couple.
Contraceptives and World Overpopulation
It is said that we need contraceptives or the world will become
overpopulated. Unfortunately, many issues like this become clouded
with bias because so many people base their positions on political
agendas instead of on facts. The student should be aware of some of
the poorly appreciated realities about this.
People throughout history, even well before Christ, have worried
about the worlds ability to support its human population. This is
presumably because the world does seem to be a crowded place to
anyone in the middle of a large city. However, those who have flown
in an airplane can assure you that this impression is not true. There is
an enormous amount of open land still available in this world.
Heres an interesting question to ask of others: how many square
feet of elbow room would each person would have if all the people in
the world (estimated to be 6 billion) were put inside the state of Texas
(267,277 square miles)? Most people will answer that each person
would have one or two square feet. (Try this on your friends!) The
actual number calculates to 1,200 square feet per personthe size of
a small house. While there have been innumerable dire warnings
about world overpopulation in the past few decades, the most
respectable sources now say that the world population will likely peak
at about eight to ten billion in the next few decadesa number the
earth seems quite capable of sustaining far into the future.
In contrast to these dire warnings about overpopulation, we now
read from the most respected authorities about a birth dearth (too
few children) in many countries, especially in Europe. This is the
result of decades of artificial birth control, which has dropped the
birth rates so low (well under the replacement level of 2.1 children
per couple) that the native populations of these countries are
essentially dying off. Therefore, a number of countries, such as
Germany and Singapore, are now paying couples to have more
children.
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Given these facts, the idea that artificial contraceptives are needed
to solve an overpopulation problem seems misguided and simplistic.
The War Against Population (Ignatius Press, 1999), by Dr. Jacqueline
Kasum, is a valuable resource for those interested in more
information on this subject.
The Jesus Prayer
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the living God, have mercy on me, a
sinner.
Lesson 8
Natural Family Planning
(also known as Fertility Awareness)
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The last two of these methods have been successfully used for
decades in a variety of cultures, including the uneducated poor in
developing countries.
Then Along Came On Human Life (Humanae Vitae)
On Human Life (Humanae Vitae) was a prophetic encyclical
written by Pope Paul VI in 1968. It reinforced the Churchs age-old
stance against the use of artificial contraceptives at a time when many
thought the Church would change its position. It has become the most
controversial Catholic Church document of modern times. The
following are some rather long but beautiful quotes from this
marvelous work. Some students may find them difficult to
understand. If you do, just try to get the general message: its worth
the effort. The numbers refer to the part of the encyclical quoted.
10. With regard to physical, economic, psychological and social
conditions, responsible parenthood is exercised by those who
prudently and generously decide to have more children, and by
those who, for serious reasons and with due respect to moral
precepts, decide not to have additional children for either a certain
or an indefinite period of time.
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11. The sexual activity, in which husband and wife are intimately
and chastely united with one another, through which human life is
transmitted, is, as the recent Council recalled, noble and
worthy. It does not, moreover, cease to be legitimate even when,
for reasons independent of their will, it is foreseen to be infertile.
For its natural adaptation to the expression and strengthening of
the union of husband and wife is not thereby suppressed. The fact
is, as experience shows, that new life is not the result of each and
every act of sexual intercourse. God has wisely ordered laws of
nature and the incidence of fertility in such a way that successive
births are already naturally spaced through the inherent operation
of these laws. The Church, nevertheless, in urging men to the
observance of the precepts of the natural law, which it interprets
by its constant doctrine, teaches that each and every marital act
must of necessity retain its intrinsic relationship to the procreation
of human life.
14. Therefore We base Our words on the first principles of a
human and Christian doctrine of marriage when We are obliged
once more to declare that the direct interruption of the generative
process already begun and, above all, all direct abortion, even for
therapeutic reasons, are to be absolutely excluded as lawful means
of regulating the number of children. As well to be condemned, as
the Magisterium of the Church has affirmed on many occasions,
is direct sterilization, whether of the man or of the woman,
whether permanent or temporary. Similarly excluded is any action
which either before, at the moment of, or after sexual intercourse,
is specifically intended to prevent procreationwhether as an end
or as a means. Neither is it valid to argue, as a justification for
sexual intercourse which is deliberately contraceptive, that a
lesser evil is to be preferred to a greater one, or that such
intercourse would merge with procreative acts of past and future
to form a single entity, and so be qualified by exactly the same
moral goodness as these. Though it is true that sometimes it is
lawful to tolerate a lesser moral evil in order to avoid a greater
evil or in order to promote a greater good, it is never lawful, even
for the gravest reasons, to do evil that good may come of itin
other words, to intend directly something which of its very nature
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As should be obvious from these quotes, the main reason that this
short encyclical is so controversial is that most of the people who
reject its teaching have never read it.
World Opinion
Prior to 1930, the world was in general agreement about the use
of contraceptives.
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NFP. Most have not given much thought as to why. Most make this
choice based on what others do, or what a physician recommends
rather than on thoughtful consideration.
But What About Love?
People who give the issue thoughtful consideration are likely to
strike upon some obvious conclusions. NFP helps couples to have a
balanced approach to sexuality without overemphasizing it. NFP
reliably emphasizes the priority of love, including the five aspects we
have previously discussed:
Respect:
With NFP a spouse is not considered a sex object to fulfill a
need. A couple may feel needful but, when they learn that they are
fertile on a particular night, they caress but stop short of genital
intercourse. In such circumstances, NFP teaches couples that
every sexual encounter is meant primarily to bring them closer
together, not to fulfill a sexual need. By teaching sexual restraint
the couple is more able to respect each others desires and wellbeing.
Responsibility:
NFP leaves little doubt for where the responsibility lies for the
consequences of sexual activity. With NFP there is no pill or
gadget to blame should a blessed event (pregnancy) occur. With
contraception one may hear: Its The Pills fault. I took it every
day. With NFP the responsibility for pregnancy lies clearly with
the couple. One doesnt perform an act with the hope of no ill
effects. Rather, the act is replaced by other kinds of behavior, in
order to eliminate the possibility of such consequences.
Discipline:
NFP teaches self-discipline, and is therefore liberating. With
it, people learn to control their sexual desires, instead of being
controlled by them.
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methods, by their nature, tend to affect couples for the negative and
natural methods, by their nature, tend to affect couples for the
positive.
Falsehoods about NFP
Many people have never heard of NFP, and when these methods
are mentioned the methods are often criticized by ignorant people
who state falsehoods about them. Some of these falsehoods are that
NFP can only be used by people in certain religions and that NFP
causes sexual problems and birth defects. Let us briefly comment on
these falsehoods.
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Lesson 9
Natural Family Planning (continued)
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These are all good reasons for the limited popularity of NFP. But
there is a larger issue. There is another reason. It has to do with a
deadly epidemic, one that you have never heard of. Let me offer an
example to explain.
A man was planning to have pornographic movies at his bachelor
party. When asked about this and asked what his fianc thought about
it, he said that he was fine with it, and he added that she also was
fine with it. He was okay with it and she was okay with it.
My proposal is that these two people are threatened by a deadly
illness: The Im OK, Youre OK, Were All OK Syndrome, which in
the modern world is epidemic and it is deadly.
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OK, Were All OK Syndrome ends all discussion about being all that
you can be.
Married men go to professional basketball games and fantasize
about the cheerleaders. What happened to faithfulness? What
happened to: I will love you and honor you all the days of my life?
What about: I will always be true to you? What about: I only have
eyes for you? It appears that a lot of married men are OK with
dismissing all of that.
Virtue, honor and other superlatives simply do not come to mind
when thinking about Safer Sex, premarital sex and married men
ogling cheerleaders. Now, many will say, Hey! Lighten up, Dr.
Wetzel! Its OK. But does that sound like our Lord Jesus Christ? Is
that in the Bible? Does the Bible say, Above all else, lighten up?
No, of course not. What the Bible and our Church teach, and what has
been taught about sexuality from trustworthy sources throughout
history, are calls to strive for purity, virtue and chastity. Being OK
has never been good enough in any prior civilization and it is
certainly not good enough now.
Our thinking has become infected on the most basic level. The
Im OK, Youre OK, Were All OK Syndrome is a plague that is
increasingly infecting our marriages, our children and our young
adults. It is seeping into every aspect of our culture through our
entertainment, educational systems, government, and, sadly, even our
churches.
Pope John Paul II proclaimed that ours is a Culture of Death
because of its acceptance of abortion, euthanasia and other issues.
One might add to this: people who accept a standard of OK and who
have stopped striving for excellence are in some sense dead. They
have given up that basic element of human nature, the element that
makes us most alive: striving to improve. As St. Augustine put it:
Did you say enough? You have perished.
The Im OK, Youre OK, Were All OK Syndrome is a deadly
illness. It is a fatal epidemic that has taken over the thinking of most
of modern society. It has always been with mankind (the saints call it
lukewarmness) but only in the modern age do people have the
boldness or stupidity to call second or third rate the goal. What is
most fundamental to the human condition is the struggle to improve
oneself, and especially in the things that matter most: love, virtue,
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Lesson 10
Abortion
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Abortion
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Abortion
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Abortion
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acknowledges that such feelings are normal, and so they suffer alone
and in silence.
Post Abortion Syndrome: (Post means after. So this syndrome is
one that only affects people after an abortion.) Following an abortion,
many women suffer from depression, nightmares, flashbacks, guilt,
anniversary reactions (having particularly strong symptoms on the
anniversary of the abortion or on the date that would have been the
babys birthday) and other mental disturbances. These symptoms
usually begin to occur months to years after an abortion. It is common
for women to start to have symptoms 5-10 years after the procedure.
Women, by their nature, bond emotionally to the baby they carry
from early pregnancy, and usually make every effort to protect it. For
example, many women from the beginning of pregnancy refuse to
take any medication, even Tylenol, to protect their baby. Women who
abort their child act directly against this mothers instinct and so are
often deeply wounded. This wound is Post Abortion Syndrome.
Healing comes when they accept that they are wounded and go
through the process of getting spiritual and psychological help for
their wound.
Popular culture and medical spokespeople, with unusual certainty,
deny that PAS exists. They worry that by acknowledging the misery
that people go through from an abortion they might threaten the legal
right to have one, and there is no greater sin to a liberal than to
threaten the right to have an abortion. Despite this denial, we know
from the testimony of thousands of women and men (whose babies
were aborted) that Post Abortion Syndrome most certainly does exist.
Over decades, numerous ministries have been created specifically to
help those with this condition.
Those who claim that Post Abortion Syndrome doesnt exist refer
to inept research which only evaluated women within the first few
months after having their abortion. This is usually too early to make
the diagnosis and so, of course, these studies are meaningless.
Women and men suffering from Post Abortion Syndrome should
seek counseling, such as through Project Rachel, which is available in
many dioceses. The website is http://www.hopeafterabortion.com.
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Approaches to Infertility
Fertile means being able to get pregnant. Infertile means that
a couple cannot get pregnant despite their efforts to do so. Infertility
affects about 10% of married couples and can be caused by medical
problems of either the wife or the husband, usually the wife.
Couples should generally not go through involved, expensive
infertility testing until they have tried to become pregnant with NFP
for at least one year. To do this, the couple times their sexual activity
to correspond with when the woman ovulates (releases a fresh egg).
The treatment for infertility depends on the cause. Some
treatments, such as natural family planning, are very simple. Others
involve complicated, expensive medical procedures. For example,
some types of surgery can cure certain problems of the uterus. Other
methods manipulate eggs, sperm or developing embryos. The egg and
sperm may be taken from the parents who are going to raise the child
or the egg or sperm may be taken from friends or strangers.
Sometimes a human embryo is placed inside the womb of the woman
who will be raising the child, or it can be placed inside the womb of
another woman, a surrogate mother, who gives birth to the couples
child. Sometimes processes are used which can lead to the formation
of more than the desired number of embryos. In these cases extra
embryos may be frozen and stored for later use or killed. You can see
from these many situations why some people consider some of the
treatments of infertility disturbing and gruesome. Most infertility
treatments are expensive and most are not paid for by insurance.
Moral Dilemmas
Infertility is too big of an issue for us to discuss in detail, but the
student should be aware that some infertility treatments are seriously
immoral and are, therefore, against Church teaching. Procedures that
assist nature and allow the parents bodies to work normally are
generally acceptable, whereas those which conflict with nature are
not. Procedures which require complex medical procedures are
particularly worrisome as a group, but some are fine. New methods
are being developed all the time. Most of the methods rejected by the
Church put a child at risk, often with little risk to the parents. Of
course, the opposite should be true. The adults, who make the
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decisions, should take the risks, not babies. That is why adoption is
such a marvelous option for infertile couples.
The following are some of the moral issues associated with
infertility treatments and the Catholic position on them.
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Approaches to Infertility
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People often assume that families with more than two or three
children are Catholic. What if people assumed that a family was
Catholic because the parents had adopted one or more children . . .
what a different world this would be.
A Prayer of Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta (1910-1997 AD)
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive
them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be
kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true
enemies; Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and
frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good
anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give
the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God: It was never
between you and them anyway.
Lesson 11
The Greatest Falsehood about Sexuality
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2.
3.
4.
5.
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From the Catechism of the Catholic Church (1993): (Numbers refer to paragraph
numbers.)
1643. Conjugal love involves a totality, in which all the elements of the person enter
appeal of the body and instinct, power of feeling and affectivity, aspiration of the spirit
and of will. It aims at a deeply personal unity, a unity that, beyond union in one flesh,
leads to forming one heart and soul; it demands indissolubility and faithfulness in
definitive mutual giving; and it is open to fertility. In a word it is a question of the normal
characteristics of all natural conjugal love, but with a new significance which not only
purifies and strengthens them, but raises them to the extent of making them the
expression of specifically Christian values
2332. Sexuality affects all aspects of the human person in the unity of his body and soul.
It especially concerns affectivity, the capacity to love and to procreate, and in a more
general way the aptitude for forming bonds of communion with others.
2360. Sexuality is ordered to the conjugal love of man and woman. In marriage the
physical intimacy of the spouses becomes a sign and pledge of spiritual communion.
Marriage bonds between baptized persons are sanctified by the sacrament.
From the Pontifical Council for the Familys The Truth and Meaning of Human
Sexuality: Guidelines for Education within the Family (1995):
11. Human sexuality is thus a good, part of that created gift which God saw as being
very good, when he created the human person in his image and likeness, and male and
female he created them (Genesis 1:27). Insofar as it is a way of relating and being open
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to others, sexuality has love as its intrinsic end, more precisely, love as donation and
acceptance, love as giving and receiving.
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Discuss your problem with your parents so that they can help
you with it.
Either you or your parents may wish read Sexual Wisdom,
which covers the issue more fully.
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Rape: A man forcing a woman to have sex with him against her will.
Rape may occur under many circumstances. In cases where a
woman is completely dominated by the man, rape is a horrific
crime, and one in which the woman may rightly fear for her
life. A most serious kind of rape is when a stranger forces
himself on a woman in an isolated place. It is a situation over
which the woman usually has no control. Women who are
raped in this way may be murdered afterward and, if not, may
suffer lifelong emotional problems. Rape often seriously
damages the womans ability to relate to men.
Prostitutes are at particular risk for being violently raped, or
raped and then murdered.
Most rapes occur by a man the woman knows. Women at
highest risk for rape are those under 20, those who drink too
much, and those who have had sex with boyfriends from a
young age. A woman is far more likely to get raped if she
herself is drunk.
Rapists vary greatly in their attributes. Some come from
troubled childhoods, some are obviously nasty, belligerent
fellows, some are athletic and charming; and others are nonathletic, quiet and shy. Many have been unable to develop
normal relationships with women. Many have alcohol or drug
problems, are criminals and are addicted to pornography.
Some rapists cruise singles bars. Most rapes are done by men
under 25 years of age who grew up in poor neighborhoods.
Feminists have developed a saying that rape is about power
and control and not about sex. This is wrong. Feminism is
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about power and control. Rape is about sex and violence, and
can also be about power, control, stress, depression, anger,
chemical dependency, insecurity, narcissism, childhood
trauma or neglect, etc.
Date rape is used to denote when a woman is raped by her
date. The common profile of a date rapist is a verbally
abusive, angry, controlling, jealous man who is prone to
violence and who drinks too much or uses drugs. There are a
number of date rape drugs that a man may put in a womans
drink to intoxicate her, then rape her while she is passed out.
At social gatherings, women should never leave a drink
unattended.
Consensual sex: This means that two people have agreed to
have sex with each other, as opposed to rape, in which one
does not agree.
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Incest: sex within a family. Usually, this occurs when a father forces
himself sexually on his daughter or an uncle forces himself on a
niece. It is an unconscionable sin and a crime.
Polygamy: The practice in which a man marries more than one
woman. This is against Catholic teaching and against the law.
The Hail Mary
Hail Mary, full of grace! The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
Lesson 12
Homosexuality and Other Sexual Deviations
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Homosexuality
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answer. The only thing gay clearly means is that the person is
homosexual. This is much like the case of redefining pregnancy, or
replacing the word abortion with the awkward and misleading term
termination of pregnancy. These are all cases of political activists
successfully manipulating popular opinion. Redefining words and
creating unnecessary new words or phrases are standard propaganda
techniques.
After 20 years of studying the issue, the only reason I can find
that people use the term gay is to avoid the term homosexual.
Homosexual leaders argue endlessly among themselves about
whether their lifestyle is inherently promiscuous, is inherently
associated with anonymous sexual encounters (having sex with a
complete stranger), is only for young men, or is particularly
associated with an emphasis on physical appearances, the arts or,
more generally, the sensual aspects of life. Because it has no clear
definition and because there is no advantage to using it, we will not
use the term gay and simply stick with the term homosexual.
From this discussion it follows that there is no one type of
homosexual. There is as much variety among homosexuals as among
heterosexuals. However, due to the nature of homosexuality there are
certain traits common among those involved in it. The student should
be aware, however, that these traits may not apply to any one
homosexual or homosexual couple.
Homosexuality
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Homosexuality
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Homosexuality
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Homosexuality
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cutting off his hand really did solve his problems? No, not
likely at all. Most transsexuals are severely disturbed people.
Bestiality: sexual abnormality in which one has sex with
animals
Pedophilia/Child Sexual Abuse: sexual abnormality in which
an adult performs sexual acts with children. This is an
abhorrence and a serious crime which often causes severe
mental problems for the child.
o Child Abuse Registries: a system to allow the government
to track sex offenders (child abusers and rapists)
o Megans Law: a series of laws in various states which
require that authorities publically list information about
sex offenders on web sites. The information reveals where
sex offenders live, what sex crimes they have committed
and other information.
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Homosexuality
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Lesson 13
Sexual Codependency
Sexual Codependency
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hardship for many of our elderly, especially for those in poor health
or who have financial problems.
Effects of the Sexual Revolution on Homosexuals:
Due to HIV alone, homosexuals have paid a fearsome price for
their promiscuity. However, the terrible spiritual and emotional
darkness surrounding homosexual sin must be an even greater cost.
Prayer
Mother most pure, pray for us!
Lesson 14
Good Sex
Good Sex
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Good Sex
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Good Sex
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Lesson 15
Sexual Morality
Sexual Morality
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so that she will have sex with him. Being nice is not a reliable guide
for morality. Being good is.
Because God commands us first to love, love is the main standard
by which we judge whether behavior is right or wrong, moral or
immoral. The Sexual Revolution failed in that it called on people to
abandon love for the sake of pleasure or mistaken notions of freedom.
When we abandon love, we directly reject Gods call. As St. Paul tells
us, So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is
love. (1 Corinthians 13:13)
Falsehood: Morality is based on each persons opinion, so it means
something different to each person.
This falsehood is at the heart of moral relativism, an idea which
has become very popular over the past few hundred years. Moral
relativism rejects the idea that love should be the main basis for our
behaviors. To the moral relativist, morality is whatever an individual
thinks it is based on whatever standards he or she wishes to follow.
But if morality is whatever a person thinks it is then there can be no
agreement about what is moral, only individual opinions. As a result,
we hear the absurd statement that Your morality is yours and my
morality is mine. No, prostitution is wrong, no matter what the
circumstances.
It is true that there are times in which people disagree about what
is moral and what is not. There are situations in which it may be hard
to know what the moral path is. For example, Was it right for me to
tell my parents about something my sister did even when I promised
her I wouldnt tell them? In this case, if what your sister did was
serious it was probably best that you told your parents. If what she did
wasnt serious at all then it would likely be wrong to go against your
word. It can be difficult to know which course of action is the most
loving to your sister and parents. But, based on this type of situation,
moral relativists mistakenly think that no one can ever be sure about
anything related to morality.
Moral standards are based on universal, or objective, truths
The terribly mistaken idea that there is no universal, or common,
morality is based on a more basic mistaken idea that there is no
universal truth. (This is the one part of the discussion that gets a little
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abstract, but stay with me.) Universal truth, also called objective
truth, is the truth regardless of what any one person thinks. It is the
truth that exists outside, or separate from, anyones experience. If a
tree falls over in the woods and no one sees it fall, did it really fall?
Yes, of course it did, even though no one witnessed it. The truth of
the matter is that the tree fell, no matter whether anyone saw it or not.
Those who deny the existence of universal truth believe, for
example, that one cannot know that a human hand has five fingers on
it. They believe that they can only think a hand has five fingers. In
fact, everyone may think a hand has five fingers on it, but still no one
can be absolutely sure that human hand has five fingers. They believe
that a bulldog is not a rose, but at the same time it is a rose. I realize
that this sounds crazy, but this is the fallout of moral relativism, and it
is the basis for many of todays most popular religions, including
New Age and Taoismreligions which seem to be especially popular
among movie stars. Now you may be starting to understand where
some of the really weird ideas in this world come from.
Many students will find it interesting to learn that this argument
about the existence of a universal truth goes back to ancient times. It
is one of the most basic questions in life: can you know something for
sure or do you just think that you know it? As you might guess,
throughout history most people have agreed that there are truths about
life that are true no matter what any person thinks otherwise. Dogs
bark, whether you think they tweet or not. A spoon is not a banana
whether one thinks it is or not. Moral relativism, based on the denial
of universal truth, forbids any obvious claims about morality and yet,
unfortunately, it has become the predominant philosophy over the
past few hundred years; or at least it has become the philosophy that
people who dont know much think they believe. Alan Bloom begins
his best-selling book, The Closing of the American Mind with the
following comment about todays college students: There is one
thing a professor can be absolutely certain of: almost every student
entering the university believes, or says he believes, that truth is
relative. (You may want to ask college students this question
yourself, if you know any.) Most people who believe that there is no
certain, universal truth have not thought this through.
If all truth is relative, or based on whatever you think, then you
cannot know anything for sure. You cannot know if ones hand has
Sexual Morality
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Sexual Morality
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college students you may want to ask some of them why taking cuts is
wrong. So far, I have yet to find one who knew the answer.)
How do we know that bank robbery, rape and taking cuts in line
are wrong? The answer is that there is a natural moral law written on
every human heart. They are laws that are given to us from God. It is
not only ones culture that teaches right behavior, but something
found within each one of us. Each person has an inborn sense of what
it means to love and what distinguishes right from wrong and good
from evil, and each of us is called to follow this sense. This is part of
our God given human nature.
To put things in perspective, lets discuss some more about
natural law in the context of three kinds of law. The three types of law
which tell us what is right and what is wrong are divine law, natural
law and human law.
1) Divine law: the law directly given to men by God, such as the
Ten Commandments. God tells man what actions are moral
and immoral. God tells man how to behave and man is to
obey. God tells man how to love.
2) Natural law: the law which men can know if they are smart
enough and in-tune enough with their own nature. The idea of
natural law goes back at least as far as the ancient Greeks. As
one would expect, the laws of nature are the same as the laws
of God (who created nature). Divine law and natural law
always give the same answer as to what is right or wrong. In
other words, if man is smart enough he will come to
understand moral law as God himself understands it. The first
rule of the natural law is: Do good and avoid evil. Natural
law is the law written on the human heart (Rom 2:15).
According to St. Thomas Aquinas the Angelic Doctor of the
Catholic Church, natural law is nothing other than the light
of understanding infused in us by God, whereby we
understand what must be done and what must be avoided. It
is the law that tells a person to open the door for a little old
lady and to clean up ones own mess. It is the law that tells us
not to rob banks. It is a law that that includes absolutes. For
example, it is always wrong to torture a baby. Natural law,
as Pope Pius XII wrote, is the foundation upon which the
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Sexual Morality
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Lesson 16
Sexual Morality (Continued)
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3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care
of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the
exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of
character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing
to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except
when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were
wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our
conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only
for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps,
we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these
principles in all our affairs.
Notice that six of the twelve steps refer to a higher power,
defined as one's concept of God or an equivalent. The religious
component of these programs clearly has contributed to their
remarkable success.
As an aside, we Catholics might also particularly consider steps
47 and 10. I showed these steps to one of my young children and
asked her what they reminded her of. Thats just the sacrament of
Confession, Dad, she said. Check. Five of the twelve steps are
essentially the Sacrament of Reconciliation, which indicates how
much Catholics should treasure that sacrament. In fact, if you read the
twelve steps carefully you will find that they are really just a bare
bones religion most akin to Catholicism, complete with a regular trip
to see the sponsor or confessor. You may already be aware that
many people in our country are hostile to religion, Catholicism in
particular, so it is interesting to see the widespread popularity within
our culture of programs which are a rudimentary form of our faith
without some objectionable parts that are too religious for the
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confidence that God exists. One cannot know God if one believes that
everything is based on ones own perspective.
All people yearn for the ultimate happiness. Yet to attain this
happiness we must accept that there is an ultimate truth. If we do not
believe in a truth that is outside of our own perspective, then we
cannot believe in God. If we dont believe in God, we cannot submit
to Him. If we cannot submit to Him, then we cannot attain Level 4,
the ultimate happiness, no matter how much our hearts yearn for it.
Such people cannot shake off a deep-seated misery. They are in
conflict with their own nature.
Those who refuse to submit to Gods will know deep in their
hearts that they can never achieve the ultimate level of happiness.
With this loss, and being so out of tune with the natural call of their
heart, these people are more likely to live in misery, and in their
misery they are likely to lash out and hurt others and themselves.
Often they will resort to escapes through sex, alcohol, drugs or other
avenues. Often they will suffer unnecessary spiritual, psychological
and even physical disease, which is rooted in their acceptance of the
strange idea that they cant know anything. This strange belief in
moral relativism, is also at the heart of the deadly Im OK, Youre OK,
Were All OK Syndrome. If you cannot know anything, then you
cannot possibly know what is exceptional or first rate or whether
anything is worth striving for. The best you can say is that you and
most other people seem to be OK, whatever that means.
The better way is to live as you were meant to live. Accept that
there is a universal truth and submit your will to Gods. Pledge every
day to just say no to hurting yourself and others through premarital
sex, masturbation, dressing immodestly, looking at pornography and
other forms of sexual misbehavior and to remain in tune with your
human nature and with Gods plan for you. Each day lived this way is
a day with Level 4 happiness within your reach.
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Lesson 17
More Issues for Teens
Entertainment Guidelines
Luke 14:25-32:
Now great multitudes accompanied him (Jesus); and he turned
and said to them, If any one comes to me and does not hate his
own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and
sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.
Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me, cannot
be my disciple. For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does
not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to
complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation, and is not
able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, This man
began to build, and was not able to finish. Or what king, going to
encounter another king in war, will not sit down first and take
counsel whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who
comes against him with twenty thousand? And if not, while the
other is yet a great way off, he sends an embassy and asks terms
of peace.
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Dating guidelines
It is best for teenagers to go out only on group dates. The goal of
this kind of dating is to have fun, gain experience about life, learn
about new interests, develop as a person, and to learn about the
opposite sex so as to be able make a good decision later on about
whom to marry. If a teenager does go out on a one-on-one date there
should be no expectation of romance. When teens get romantically
involved (kissing, prolonged hugging, holding hands) at this early
stage it often leads to unnecessary confusion and emotional turmoil
and puts them at risk for getting involved in premarital sex.
My mother told me never to date women I wouldnt marry. I
initially thought that this was the worst advice Mom ever gave me
because I didnt understand her meaning. Eventually I realized that
she was right. What she meant was: Dont get romantically involved
with anyone until you are ready for marriage and dont act romantic
with anyone you wouldnt marry. This type of more serious dating,
which used to be called courting, is for finding a suitable marriage
partner, and so is unsuitable for teenagers.
Why are so many people nervous about dating? (For example,
you will likely hear stories from your friends about nervous blunders
that occur when couples say goodnight at the girls front door.) Part
of the nervousness is due to an expectation of romance when it should
not be part of the program. We are naturally nervous when we act in a
manner that is wrong for the circumstance. Romance is for those who
are dating to marry.
Another reason for nervousness is that people often force
themselves to kiss someone when they think it is expected but it
doesnt feel natural. They go against their better judgment to try to
meet an expectation (Should I kiss on the first date?). Only kiss
someone if it feels very comfortable for you and you believe it will be
very comfortable for the other person. If youre not sure, wait. When
you are older and the time is right you will know it, because there will
be no nervousness to diminish the moment.
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Media Censorship
Over the past few decades tremendous media bias against
traditional ideas has developed. University studies, and the media
itself, have documented this on numerous occasions. Studies show
that almost all adults are aware of this bias. Many high school
students are assigned to read Ray Bradburys Fahrenheit 451. Those
who have done so may consider the following in light if the world
Bradbury predicted. Liberals are making ever-greater use of
propaganda techniques to promote their agendas and to restrict what
conservatives can say or think.
Consider the most fundamental aspect of the three most
controversial subjects in sexualityabortion, contraception, and
homosexualityand how the media censors the traditional viewpoint
on each in the most extreme way.
1) Abortion:
We have already discussed how our society disregards the
misery couples go through when they are trying to decide if the
woman should have an abortion. With a million and a half
abortions done every year you would think that somewhere there
would be public acknowledgement of this misery, but in fact there
is none. All of the grief and despair and frustration and heartache
that people go through related to abortion is hidden.
The blackout on abortion reaches into every avenue of art.
One might wonder why mainstream artists who are so intent on
plumbing the depths of the human heart never create songs,
movies, TV shows, or other works that address the anguish
millions of women and men have over whether or not to abort
their baby. Whether one is pro-life or pro-choice, it is evident that
the millions of people who have gone through the abortion
experience are in distress. Why dont any mainstream artists sing
about it? Why are none of these so-called freethinkers, those
who are supposedly willing to challenge established ideas, so
utterly unable to sing about this, write about it, or produce shows
about it? It is amazing to consider the grip that liberals have over
so many aspects of our cultures information outlets and artists.
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Lesson 18
The Good Dog and The Bad Dog
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Consider the many false gods we have and how they relate to
pride. The wise Catholic theologian Msgr. William Smith
notes that the older he gets, the more he realizes the biggest
problem we all face is the first commandment. As children we
think more along the lines of Thou shalt not kill, steal or lie.
As we get older we come to appreciate the difficult task of
avoiding false gods: sex, food, alcohol, drugs, money, power,
sports, games, entertainment, etc.
Pray to Our Lady, the Blessed Virgin Mary. As with Jesus,
she is always there for you and she is a sure channel to her
Son. Bear in mind the great love and obedience Jesus himself
showed to Mary at the wedding in Cana. Jesus indicated that
perhaps his time had not yet come and yet she said to the
others: Do whatever He tells you, and He performed his
first miracle. The relationship between Jesus and His Blessed
Mother is a profound mystery, but because of the special
place He has in his Sacred Heart for her we, too, should hold
her dear. Pray the Memorare, the Magnificat, a rosary, a
decade of the rosary, or some other devotional prayer to Mary
on a regular basis.
Read religious/sacred material regularly, especially the Bible
or Bible meditations.
Investigate novenas and litanies. These are powerful prayers
that are a true treasureanother great part of the banquet that
is the Church. There are too many to describe here but you
can find out all about them on the Internet or in books about
them.
Practice mortification (self-denial) on a regular daily basis, at
least in small ways. Mortification is the creation of small or
large sufferings that you bring upon yourself to detach
yourself from this world, thereby making it easier to draw
closer to the Lord when he asks you to do something difficult.
It helps us in letting go of the unnecessary so as to
concentrate on the necessary. Mortification along with prayer
and almsgiving (charitable donation of money, time, or gifts
to those in need) are the three traditional disciplines which
allow us to re-center ourselves. Sadly, most people have never
175
Study:
Read, study and refer to the Catechism of the Catholic
Church.
Read Catholic Church documents such as apostolic
constitutions, encyclicals and apostolic exhortations. They are
a gold mine of information about the Church. All high
school graduates should have a familiarity with at least three
of these Church documents.
The following are a few recent Church documents that
may help to get you started: The Splendor of the Truth
(Veritatis Splendor), The Redeemer of Man (Redemptor
Hominis), Faith and Reason (Fides et Ratio), Of Human Life
( Humanae Vitae), Chastity in Marriage (Casti Connubii ),
The Role of the Christian Family in the Modern World
(Familiaris Consortio), On the Blessed Virgin Mary in the
Life of the Pilgrim Church (Redemptoris Mater), Some False
176
177
Works or Almsgiving:
Along with daily prayer and daily mortifications you should plan
on doing some planned or unplanned good deed every day.
Almsgiving means not only giving until it hurts but also taking
responsibility for others welfare.
The works of mercy are as follows. Consider how you can apply
each of them in your daily life.
Corporal (related to the body) works of mercy:
1) Feeding the hungry
2) Giving drink to the thirsty
3) Clothing the naked
4) Sheltering the homeless
5) Visiting the sick and imprisoned
6) Ransoming the captive
7) Burying the dead
Spiritual works of mercy:
1) Instructing the ignorant
2) Correcting sinners
3) Advising the doubtful
4) Bearing wrongs patiently
5) Showing patience to sinners and those in error
178
Even smiling, or just being polite or pleasant when you dont feel
like it are important works of charity.
Fellowship:
Connect with fellow Catholics and people who are good
influences on you help you achieve Level 4 happiness. This can
be through parish-based groups, pro-life or other activist groups,
social justice groups, religious education groups, evangelization
ministries, online groups, etc.
Remember, this is an incomplete list of how Catholics can feed
their good dog. There are many more ways. That is why the Church is
a banquet. During the last 2000 years the Church has found
innumerable ways to bring grace into our lives. We should be most
thankful for our wonderful Mother Church!
How to Starve your Bad Dog:
Because of original sin, the human condition is one in which we
are all frequently invited to feed our bad dog. Fortunately, during the
majority of our waking hours (when we are busy with work or study
or with the everyday chores of life) we have little inclination or
temptation to sin. But there are moments of each day when we are
vulnerable to temptation. It is at those times when we are confronted
with deciding whether we will live as we should. At these times we
can consciously focus our minds on goodness, cleaving to Christ, or
we can feed our bad dog. These moments of temptation happen every
day of our lives, sometimes in familiar circumstances and sometimes
as new challenges. They determine whether we are a true soldier of
Christ and want to experience the best that life has to offer, or
whether we will reject Him. These moments can happen any time, but
most commonly occur during times of stress (when we are bored,
lonely, tired, irritable, or anxious). We must be ever vigilant to
temptation. There is no rest from this vigilance until we breathe our
last breath.
179
Here are some suggestions on how to keep from feeding the bad
dog with sexual impurity.
Dont break the Ten Commandments. Consider how each one
uniquely challenges you. For example, Thou shalt not kill
includes thou shalt not drive wildly, and thou shalt not have
an abortion or in any way encourage another to have one.
Avoid people who lead you toward darkness, including
potential dates with whom you may be drawn to sin. Keep in
mind the expression: If you lay down with dogs, you may get
up with fleas. As some of our favorite nuns used to say,
choose friends who are better than yourself.
Avoid spiritually unhealthy entertainment. Avoid movies that
present deceitful messages about sexuality, including those
that imply that premarital sex expresses love, or that diminish
the notion of the nuclear family (the heart of every culture).
As John Paul II wrote: Since the Creator of all things has
established the marriage partnership as the beginning and
basis of human society, the family is the first and vital cell
of society.
The great Chinese philosopher, Confucius (5th Century
BC) had the same idea. He wrote: When the heart is set right,
then the personal life is cultivated; when the personal life is
cultivated, then the family life is regulated; when the family
life is regulated, then the national life is orderly; and when the
national life is orderly, then there is peace in this world. From
180
the emperor down to the common man, all must regard the
cultivation of the personal life as the root or foundation.
Most modern movies portray individual freedom as a
higher priority than family life. Liberal film producers
promote an unrestrained lifestyle and make movies that
attempt to popularize anything that reduces personal
constraints or family obligations. Divorce, people living
together in all various arrangements no matter how strange,
premarital sex, and immodesty, are generally treated as
normal parts of life.
Dont read magazines that emphasize immodest fashions,
have lowbrow humor, or discuss immoral activities
uncritically.
Dont watch television shows, listen to radio shows, read
books, or go to websites that glamorize vulgarity or violence
or have degrading material.
Log off the Internet and walk away from the computer if you
are tempted to look at material that you know is evil,
disrespectful or degrading.
Avoid music that is ill-mannered, demeaning, or
disheartening.
In this, always let St. Pauls words from Philippians (4:8) be your
guide:
Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable,
whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is
gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of
praise, think about these things.
These many suggestions as to how to feed your good dog and
starve your bad dog may seem overwhelming. The Catholic Church,
the banquet, is often seen as too demanding, too overbearing, too
rigid, too overwhelming. Please bear in mind that the bottom line on
any list comes down to only one directive. Of everything the Catholic
Church might represent to you it should all come down to this: the
Church wants each and every person to strive to improve himself or
herself every day. The Church wants us to make an effort, each day to
181
182
homes for the elderly and the mentally disabled to hospices, from
orphanages to leper colonies, from disaster relief to social services
and shelters for widows, battered women, pregnant teenagers and on
and on, in every part of the world for nearly two thousand years. This
is a church to be proud of. No other institution of any kind has
anything close to our Catholic heritage.
A last thought for young Catholics to keep in mind with pride as
they follow this call: throughout history there have been hundreds or
thousands of people at any one time who have been willing to be
imprisoned or die for their faith. We hear most about this today
regarding priests and bishops in China but it is a story that never ends.
Again, no other institution in history can say this. Remember always
to pray for these holy people, and to the martyrs throughout history,
and reflect with pride and wonderment about what a blessing it is to
be part of the same Church that produces in every generation, among
the young and the old, so many amazing soldiers for Jesus Christ.
183
End of Course
6. Men really do need sex and so girlfriends should have sex with their
boyfriends as early in the relationship as possible.
7. Pornography is based on lies and distortions and so creates a warped
view of the gift of sexuality.
8. Catholic Church teaching is not so much a list of thou shalt nots as
it is an invitation to experience the best that life has to offer, walking
in the path laid down by our Lord, Jesus Christ.
186
encourage
responsibility
and
commitment
in
11. Married couples who use natural family planning are far less likely
to get divorced than those who use contraceptives.
12. The Theology of the Body is a teaching which opposes Catholic
morality.
13. When it comes to sexual morality the most important point is that
your morality is yours and mine is mine.
14. Pro-choice political views that push women to rush into an abortion
without delay and that discourage giving women basic information
about abortions or showing the woman what she is aborting are
excellent ideas based on sound psychology.
15. You should kiss your date even when you feel nervous and tense, if
you think it is the right thing to do.
16. In some circumstances, condoms offer no protection from STDs.
17. Because most teenagers are so clever they can watch vulgar or
degrading entertainment without it having any harmful effect on
them.
18. Homosexuality is primarily a genetic illness. It is caused by a defect
in the chromosomes.
19. It is okay to judge a person but we should never judge a persons
behavior.
20. According to this course, the Im OK, Youre OK, Were All OK
Syndrome is deadly to your spiritual life.
Test Questions
187
21. Despite widespread media reports to the contrary, the sexual abuse
scandal among Catholic priests was mostly one of homosexuality,
not pedophilia.
22. The idea that men need sex is at the heart of addictive attitudes about
it.
23. There are no negative medical, psychological or spiritual
consequences to virginity (not having sexual before marriage).
24. Natural family planning is a morally acceptable way for a couple, for
serious reasons, to limit the size of their family, but NFP can be
misused.
25. The treatment of infertility usually involves serious risks and
uncertainties. One way for prospective parents to decide which
treatments to use is to consider who takes the greatest risks with each
type of treatment, and making sure that it is the parents, not the
baby(ies).
26. Natural Law teaches that if you study plant life very carefully you
will come to a deep understanding of morality.
27. The Twelve Steps of the many Twelve-Step programs, such as
Alcoholic Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous, Homosexuals
Anonymous and Sexaholics Anonymous, are based primarily on the
Catholic sacrament of Confession.
28. The seven levels of sexual functioning described in this course are
derived from ancient writings from the Orient.
29. The term gay when referring to homosexuals has many deep,
mysterious implications and should always be used in place of the
term homosexual.
30. The average homosexual is much more promiscuous than the
average heterosexual.
31. Liberal media bias is clearly evident in the manner in which
newspapers and TV news shows treat homosexuality, abortion and
contraception.
188
32. The third Level of Happiness is to feel good, for example, eating a
candy bar.
33. Contraceptives and sterilization procedures never fail.
34. Alcohol is rarely associated with rape.
35. Implantation is when an unfertilized egg cell implants into the
uterine wall.
36. Legalizing abortion led to a dramatic decline in the number of deaths
of women from abortion.
37. Husbands who have developed healthy attitudes about sexuality get
to share a home with the most beautiful woman on earth.
38. Premarital sex (having sex before marriage) is hypocritical because
the two people dont really mean what they say to each other through
their bodies.
39. Through a Catholic marriage, parents and children receive
sacramental graces.
40. There is a limit to Gods mercy. Even if you are truly repentant there
are only so many times He will forgive you.
41. News media reports that declare Post Abortion Syndrome to be rare
are examples of accurate, fair and unbiased reporting.
42. St. Thomas Aquinas taught that love is willing the good of another
or wanting the best for someone else.
43. When women wear immodest outfits it has no effect on mens
attitudes toward them.
44. Where there is true love there is never a possibility of an unwanted
pregnancy.
45. When unmarried teenagers have sex it can be a sign of intelligence,
wisdom and holiness.
46. Premarital sex is acceptable if the couple really loves each other.
Test Questions
189
Certification
Certificate of Completion
This is to certify that
___________________ has successfully
completed Sexual Wisdom for Catholic
Appendix A
A Brief Guide for What Fathers (if possible)
Should Discuss with 10-11 Year-Old Boys
Erection
- A normal event
- May occur at odd times.
- We should not touch ourselves unnecessarily in private areas.
Nocturnal emissions: a natural, normal event
Dont make jokes or use words that make fun of women or peoples
private parts.
If others do so, change the subject or walk away. Do not discuss
private things with groups of boys. Most boys do not know how to
speak appropriately about things that God deems holy and private.
Three Rules for Young Men to Help Train Them to Have Custody or
Modesty of the Eyes:
1. Dont look at a woman who is looking at you so long that it
makes her feel uncomfortable.
2. Dont look at a woman who is not looking at you so long that
it would make her feel uncomfortable if she were looking at
you. In other words, dont stare at a woman even if she is not
aware that you are staring at her.
3. Dont look at a picture or video of woman so long that it
would make her feel uncomfortable if she were really present
and were looking back at you. In other words, dont stare at
women in pictures or videos beyond a few seconds.
196
Pray for help in these areas from Jesus and your spiritual
mother, Mary.
Remember that others may tease you or be angry with you
when you try to be good. Our Lord has said that this will be
so. When we suffer in His name, when we suffer for the sake
of goodness, we gain grace.
Appendix B
A Brief Guide for What Fathers (if possible)
Should Discuss with 12-13 Year-Old Boys
198
Appendix B
199
Review the three rules regarding the custody of the eyes from the
10-year-old talk.
Every young man must be aware that sometime during his teen
years he is going to see a woman whose beauty is beyond what he
200
thought possible. This is the way men are built. All men eventually
develop strong sexual urges from which they must restrain
themselves. This can be hard, very hard. Fortunately, when we suffer
to avoid sin, that very sense of suffering tells us that we are doing the
will of Godwe are walking in the steps that He laid down for us
and so in a sense we can rejoice in that suffering. It is the person who
gives in to temptations, who does not suffer for God, who ultimately
will experience the profound unhappiness and inner discord that
accompanies sin.
Boys at this age are at risk for forming sinful attitudes about
immodest women. Prior to this, what they see may seem silly
or gross, but at this age they can feel the strong lust of an
adult. It is important that they develop good mental habits
about sexuality to prevent future serious problems.
Chastity of the eyes, bouncing the eyes: This is what one
must train oneself to do when one sees a pretty but
immodestly attired woman. The advantage goes to the one
who can learn to bounce the eyes away from the woman and
keep them away.
Appendix C
A Brief Guide for What Mothers (if
possible) Should Discuss with Teenage
Girls Before the First Menstrual Period
(usually 12-13 years old)
202
No see-through clothing
No bare midriff
No visible undergarments
Shorts should be long enough to reach at least the middle of
the thigh
Appendix D
A Very Brief Note About Discussing
Homosexuality with 14-Year-Olds
Glossary
208
Glossary
209
210
Glossary
211
212
Glossary
213
evil.
STD. A sexually transmitted disease.
sterilization. A surgical procedure performed on a male or female for
the purpose of making that person incapable of reproducing.
subjective. *characteristic of or belonging to reality as perceived
rather than as independent of mind."
symptom. *Subjective evidence of disease or physical disturbance.
theology. The study of God and religion.
transsexual. *A person with a psychological urge to belong to the
opposite sex that may be carried to the point of undergoing
surgery to modify the sex organs to mimic the opposite sex.
transvestite. *A person, usually a male, who adopts the dress and
often the behavior typical of the opposite sex especially for
purposes of emotional or sexual gratification.
ultrasound. Medical instrument which uses sound waves to image
parts of the body or the developing baby inside the mothers
womb.
VD. A venereal or sexually transmitted disease.
virgin. *A person who has not had sexual intercourse.
virtue. Good habits. Those character traits that are most admired and
that lead to the most genuine freedom, love and self-fulfillment.
The greatest virtue, the one toward which all others are directed,
is charity or love.
voyeurism. A sexual abnormality in which one habitually seeks
sexual gratification from looking at sordid pictures, videos, or
movies or at live people in states of undress or involved in sexual
activity.
vulgar. Indecent, low-brow, crude, obscene, poor taste.
whore. A prostitute.
zygote. The single-celled human organism formed by the union of
sperm and egg. Through cell division the zygote becomes a
human embryo and then a fetus.
Index
A
abortion
grieving process and, 10415
"Harder Truth" video about, 99
hiding consequences of, 168169
mother's instinct and, 105
pressure to have, 102
rates of, 100
safety of, 101102
state laws regarding, 101102
techniques, 100101
abstinence, 55, 56
addictions, 179
codependency and, 134136
defined, 116
as false gods, 173
sexual
degrees of, 116
help for, 116
and social problems, 23
Twelve Step Programs and, 156
158
unhappiness and, 163
adoption, 108109
homosexual, 108
Africa
AIDS and HIV in, 56, 57
AIDS. See HIV and AIDS
alcohol, 23, 27, 36, 37, 38, 116
codependency and, 134, 136
domestic violence and, 118
Needs Misconception and, 114
pornography and, 62
STDs and, 48
rape and, 118, 119
B
beatitude (blessedness), 36
bestiality, 131
Bible, see individual books
7, 36, 68, 91, 96, 172, 174, 181
selected quotes, 57
Billings' Method, 82
birth, 5
birth control. See contraceptives
bisexuality, 121
Bloom, Alan, 156
The Closing of the American
Mind, 148
Bonnaci, Mary Beth, 28
"Broken Record" technique, 28
C
cancer of the cervix, 5
Catechism of the Catholic Church,
79, 13, 68, 80, 172, 175
Catholic Church, 29, 32, 35, 91, 96,
97
authentic interpreter, 7
216
D
date rape, 119
dating guidelines, 167
Declaration on Certain Questions
Concerning Sexual Ethics (from
the Congregation for the Doctrine
of the Faith), 176
diaphragm, 72
domestic violence, 117, 118
drug abuse, 18, 23, 25, 26, 29, 36,
53, 116, 163, 172
HIV, STDs and, 47, 48, 52, 54,
55, 57
prostitution, pornography and, 17,
19, 62
rape and, 118, 119
E
encyclicals, 11. See also Popes
entertainment
effects of, 166
guidelines, 165167, 180
Ephesians 5: 21-31, 6
EWTN (Catholic Television and
Radio), 177
exhibitionist, 122, 130
F
Fahrenheit 451, 168
fallopian tubes, 4
fellowship (Catholic), 178
Index
feminism, 101, 106, 118, 119, 137
fertility awareness. See Natural
Family Planning (NFP)
fertilization, 4
fetish, 130
forgiveness, Gods, 33, 42
Freud, Sigmund, 86
G
Galatians 6:7-9, 60
"gay", 123134
Genesis
1:25-28, 5
2:15-25, 5
Ghandi, Mahatma, 86
Glory Be, The, 145
Golden Rule, 29
gonorrhea, 49, 50
good
morality and, 146
superficial vs. essential, 35
grief process in miscarriage vs.
abortion, 104
H
Hail Mary, The, 119
happiness
four levels of, 160163
types of, 35
"Harder Truth" abortion video, 99
Hepatitis B & C and homosexual
activity, 31, 49, 50
herpes, 49, 50
heterosexuality, 120
HIV and AIDS, 5357
homophobia, 129130
homosexuality, 27, 122, 123129
cause of, 126
in other cultures, 127
intolerance of traditional view of,
128
and sin, 127129
STDs and, 31
treatment, 133
homosexuals
217
mislabeling as gay, 123126
promiscuity of, 124
rejection of abstinence, 125
hormones and contraception, 70
hymen, 3
I
Ideas for a Chaste Family Life, 183
illegitimacy, 23, 24, 92, 137, 138
immorality, 7, 146, 150153, 155
157, 158
implantation, 4, 7172, 76
incest, 99, 120
infertility
adoption as solution, 108109
moral dilemmas of, 106108
and STDs, 50
Instruction on the Respect for
Human Life in Its Origin and on
the Dignity of Procreation: Replies
to Certain Questions of the Day,
176
Internet and pornography, 59, 64
intrauterine device (IUD), 70, 72
Introduction to the Devout Life, 176
J
Jesus Christ, 6, 7, 9, 10, 13, 16, 25,
37, 38, 39, 45, 59, 88, 96, 108, 133,
136, 145,149, 161, 165166, 172,
174,178, 181, 182
as center of Christian life, 8
and the Church, 10
fornication, 29
the healer, 42
healthy obsession with, 67, 68, 91
peace of, 36, 140
as spouse, 32
Jesus of Nazareth, 38
Jesus Prayer, the, 79, 173
John 8: 3-11, 25
judging, 156
218
L
lesbianism, 123
Letter to the Bishops of the Catholic
Church on the Pastoral Care of
Homosexual Persons, 129, 176
Lewis, C.S., 150
litany, 176
love
agape, 11, 12, 13
eros, 1112
five aspects of, 17, 7375, 8588
natural law and, 152
necessity of, 1718
Luke
15:11-32, 37
14:25-32,165
1:46-55, 170
18:13, 173
lukewarmness, 9697
lust, 14, 40, 59
M
Magnificat, The, 170
manual manipulation, 45
marital intimacy, 23, 9
marital sex
advantages of waiting, 3132
frequency of, 46
levels of, 142148
sexual attitudes and, 4647
marriage vow, 45, 111, 113, 119
martyr, 95, 163, 182
Mary, Mother of God, 14, 176
devotions to, 176
Mass, 116, 171, 173, 181
masturbation, 45
Matthew
18:22, 25
19:12, 8
22:35-40, 6
McGuigan, Barbara, 55
media, 39
on abortion grief, 105
to avoid, 179180
censorship, 168170
N
natural family planning (NFP), 67,
84-85
Catechism of the Catholic Church
on, 79
divorce rate and, 91
falsehoods about, 89
five aspects of love and, 8788
reasons for lack of acceptance,
9397
three types of, 8182
natural law, 83
compared to divine and civil law,
151153
Pope Pius XII on, 152
Index
"Needs Misconception", 110115
conflict with Christian mentality,
115
needs vs. desires, 110112
New Advent, Catholic encyclopedia,
177
Non-Discrimination Against
Homosexual Persons (from the
Congregation for the Doctrine of
the Faith), 176
novena, 174
O
OK Syndrome, 9497
one night stand, 19
oral sex, 43, 44, 4546, 60, 143
orgasm, 3, 43, 46, 45, 46, 61
orgy, 19
original sin, 37, 142, 171, 176
Our Father, 15, 173
ovaries, 4
ovulation, 4, 22, 106
Ovulation Method, 82, 98
P
Pap smear, 5, 50
papal apostolic exhortations
The Role of the Christian Family
in the Modern World (Familiaris
Consortio), 910
papal encyclicals
Chastity in Marriage (Casti
Connubii), 175
Faith and Reason (Fides et Ratio),
175
God is Love (Deus Caritas Est),
12
Gospel of Life, The (Evangelium
Vitae), 176
On Human Life (Humanae Vitae),
8286, 175
Mother of the Redeemer
(Redemptoris Mater), 175
Redeemer of Man, The
(Redemptor Hominis), 1718,
219
175
Some False Opinions which
Threaten to Undermine Catholic
Doctrine (Humani Generis), 176
Splendor of the Truth (Veritatis
Splendor), 152, 175
penis, 2, 3, 5, 6, 49, 51
petting, 45, 143
placenta, 4, 5, 54, 72
Planned Parenthood, 69, 95
polygamy, 120
Pope Benedict XVI, 9, 11
on abortion, 99
and Needs Misconception, 115
on priest scandal, 132
on sin, 3839
Pope John Paul II, 6, 10, 17, 20, 46,
47, 67, 128, 145, 179
on "Culture of Death", 96, 97
"Language of the Body", 19, 141
On Love and Responsibility, 44
on moral relativism, 152
on priest scandal, 132
Theology of the Body, 12, 32, 36,
40, 59, 76, 141
pornography, 5865
defined, 58
Post Abortion Syndrome (PAS),
105
Prayer from the Angelus, 42
Prayer from the Chaplet of Divine
Mercy, 153
Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi, 26
Prayer of St. Teresa of Avila, 164
Prayer to St. Michael the Archangel,
133
pregnancy
changing definition of, 71-72
STDs and, 4850
premarital sex, 2025, 2736
how to say no to, 28
media glamorization of, 24
falsehoods about, 2931
physical risks of, 2122
psychological risks of, 2223
as sin, 20
220
R
rape, 99, 115, 118119
"date rape", 119
marital, 89, 112
pornography and, 62
victim's role in, 119120
Reardon, David, Aborted Women:
Silent No More, 158
religious freedom, 159
religious vocation, 32
RU486, 101
rhythm method, 81
S
Sacrament of Confession, 16, 21, 33,
116, 157, 173
Sacrament of Matrimony
(Marriage), 13
Index
summary of Catholic Church
teachings on, 1315
sexually transmitted diseases
(STDs), 4752
pregnancy and, 47, 48, 80
Shakers, 1
Sign of the Cross, 92, 173
Silver Rule, 28
sin, 2, 8, 14, 21, 37, 3839, 42, 45,
51, 115, 116, 178, 179
and abortion, 99
and child abuse, 117
and forgiveness, 25, 33
and homosexual acts, 123, 125,
128, 139
and immorality, 146, 150, 155
and incest, 119
and pornography, 61, 62 , 63, 65
pride as, 173
and oral sex, 44
original sin, 14, 37, 142, 171, 176,
178
and priest scandal, 132
premarital sex, 20, 21, 28, 32
Seven Deadly, 69
and sexual deviants, 130, 136
steps toward, 3638
tolerance and, 135
Sirach 26:1-4, 13-18, 134
Smith, Rev. Philip, 19, 155
Smith, Msgr., William, 172173
sperm, 3, 4, 5, 70, 71, 72, 106,
sperm donor, 107, 108
Spitzer, Fr., Robert, Healing the
Culture, 160
St. Paul, 147, 180
sterilization, 71, 73, 7475, 83, 88
tubal ligation, 73
vasectomy, 73
symptothermal method of NFP, 82
syphilis, 49, 50
T
Ten Commandments, 151, 173, 179
testicles, 3, 49
221
The Truth and Meaning of Human
Sexuality (from the Pontifical
Council for the Family), 176
Theology of the Body Moment, 32,
36, 40, 59, 76, 141
Thomas Aquinas', definition of
love, 17
transsexual, 131132
transvestite, 131
truth, universal (objective), 147
149, 150
Twelve Step Programs, 156158
Twelve Steps of Alcoholics
Anonymous, 156157
U
Uganda, 5657
uterus, 4, 5, 47, 70, 71, 72, 100, 106
V
vagina, 3, 5, 47 49, 51, 100
Vatican II documents
Joy and Hope (Gaudium et spes),
8
Vatican web resources, church
documents available, 66
venereal diseases. See sexually
transmitted diseases (STDs)
venereal warts, 49, 50
vice, overcoming, 63
virginity, 9, 30
virtue, 16, 39, 46, 75, 94, 95, 96,
135, 176, 181
cardinal four, 70, 156
chastity, 6364
defined, 60
justice, 153
of modesty, 60
practice of, 63
voyeur, 124, 143
W
Washington Post, 86
Weigel, George on teachings of
222
Z
zygote, 4