Académique Documents
Professionnel Documents
Culture Documents
A Coachs
Guidebook
Proverbs 20:5
Though good advice lies deep within a persons heart,
the wise will draw it out.
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WWW.COMMUITYCHRISTAN.ORG
WWW.NEWTHING.ORG
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Chapter 9
Table of Contents
Forward ....................................................................................................... 5
Introduction - Why Coaching? ........................................................... 7
Chapter 1 - The Coaching Role ........................................................11
Chapter 2 - The Coachs Journey .....................................................19
Chapter 3 - Getting Started ..............................................................31
Chapter 4 - The Coaching Conversation ......................................41
Chapter 5 - Checking Your Leaders RPMS....................................45
Chapter 6 - Celebrations and Challenges ....................................61
Chapter 7 - Helping and Praying ....................................................71
Chapter 8 - Recruiting .........................................................................77
Chapter 9 - Leading a Huddle ..........................................................89
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Leading a Huddle
Questions for Discussion
44
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
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Chapter 9
to be lively, getting the blood really pumping early in the
morning. The time was getting away from them. Looking at
their watches, they all realized they better get going so as not
to be late for work and other commitments. After the prayer
time was over, Je found himself wishing they had made time
to ask what was going on in their lives. He was hoping for
the opportunity to brag on his team, his soccer team that is.
League champs was no small thing in their competitive park
district program. Oh well, he thought, maybe next time.
Driving back to work, Je reected on the meeting and the
purpose of the huddle was beginning to come into focus for
him. Perhaps it wasnt all about what he would get from
huddle time, but what he could give to others. His ideas and
experiences seemed to encourage the others today. He also
saw that the touchy, feely leader had a handle on the relational
side of leadership that Je didnt quite get yet. There must be
some balance between the two, he thought. Je called Gary
later that day and asked if in their next meeting they could
focus on relationship building in their small groups. Gary loved
the idea and also expressed the need to spend some time just
checking up with each other at the next meeting. Je smiled
to himself. Ahh, the opportunity to talk about his championship
soccer team would indeed present itself. He smiled and shook
his head. In that moment it hit him. He remembered what a
rag tag bunch of boys his soccer team had been and how they
had really grown in their skills, even wanting to be together
next year. This left him with a new sense of motivation about
being a part of his small group leadership huddle.
Forward
Our lay coaches and sta leaders gathered with
anticipation on a Sunday evening. With slices of
cheesecake and coee in hand, we were expecting great
things. Our guest, Carl George, had come to inspire us
with insight he had gained from years of experience as
a church consultant. We asked him to talk to us about
coaching, a subject Carl has been writing books and
consulting with churches about for many years.
We anticipated an evening lled with antidotes and
wisdom imparted to us by the master. Wisdom we got,
but not in the form we expected. Here is what Carl said:
Coaching is about asking simple questions. Ask these
questions eectively and you will be a great coach. He
wrote a few simple questions on a large post-it note on
the wall. Then he followed up by saying, Now, do it. He
had us pick a partner and coach one another using these
simple questions.
Picture this, we had Carl George, a man whose books we
have been reading and whose concepts and ideas about
church leadership we have been working to put into
practice for well over a decade standing 5 feet from us and
we had to listen to someone else. We have to admit, in the
moment, we were disappointed.
After we practiced coaching one another and our time was
drawing to a close, Carl shared some additional insight.
He said he had been consulting with churches for many
years and in the early days he would come in and share
lots of learning, wisdom, and insight. But recently, he
said, I have been going in and just listening to the sta,
asking these simple questions. And come to nd out,
he continued, These have been the most productive
consulting visits I have ever had.
During the weeks and months following Carls visit, we
began to digest the questions presented to us that night.
We started trying them out in our coaching conversations
and came to nd that these simple questions helped us
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Leading a Huddle
Forward
get a handle on coaching like nothing else we had tried
before.
Most likely, you will not include all of these agenda items
in every meeting and you will emphasize dierent areas in
each meeting. Taking the time to plan for your huddle will
help ensure that the time will be purposeful and benecial
to your leaders.
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Chapter 9
The Huddle Agenda
Once you have a clear idea of what you hope to accomplish
in your huddle, it is time to start planning an agenda. The
following items could be included in your huddle agenda.
As you pray and plan, ask the Holy Spirit to show you which
components should be part of your upcoming huddle.
Leadership
Development
Information/
Announcements
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Introduction
Why Coaching?
R
From Dave Ferguson
Lead Pastor - Community Christian Church
Coaching has been around since the early days of the New
Testament church. The idea in the mind of God was for a
few leaders to equip and empower the people of God to do
the work of the church. And as the Holy Spirit empowered
their eorts, these early Christians saw amazing results.
Ephesians 4:11-12 lays it out for us: He (God) is the one who
gave these gifts to the church: the apostles, the prophets,
the evangelists, and the pastors and teachers. Their
responsibility is to equip Gods people to do his work and
build up the church, the body of Christ.
The dream of God is not for the church to be led by a oneman show, but that it would be a playing eld for great
teams led by great coaches. The sta here at Community
Christian Church recognizes that our role is to equip and
empower the people of the church to do the work of
ministry. Our sta knows that when the game is on the line
and the nal point needs to be scored that the ball will be
in the hands of our leaders and those leaders need to be
coached to make the winning shot. Behind the scenes, our
sta works to prepare coaches to train and empower leaders
who do the work of helping people nd their way back to
God.
The Mission
of Community
Christian Church
To help people
nd their way back
to God through
multiplying
congregations,
campuses and
churches that
celebrate, connect,
and contribute to
the dream of God.
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Leading a Huddle
Preparing for a Huddle
How can I meet my leaders needs as part of this
huddle?
Once you have an idea of the needs of your leaders,
you can begin brainstorming possible agenda items
to meet those needs (see next section on Huddle
Agenda).
What do I want my leaders to take away from this
huddle that they can apply to their lives and their
groups/teams?
Have a clear idea of the central thing you hope to
accomplish with the huddle. This focus will help you in
planning the details of your huddle time. You will want
to give the greatest amount of time and attention to
this central thing you hope to accomplish.
What are the skill building or informational
priorities of my sta director?
Ask your sta director for ideas and/or tools that you
could use to help equip your leaders for their ministry
tasks. Find out information about upcoming events,
initiatives, or changes that need to be communicated
to your leaders.
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Chapter 9
the support and community of a healthy team have a great
advantage towards long-term eectiveness. The one-on-one
relationships you build with your leaders as their coach are
foundational to creating a sense of community on your team,
but your leaders also benet greatly from opportunities to
connect with one another.
Ministry leaders
who serve
on their own,
disconnected
from the
encouragement
and
camaraderie of
a team, are in
great danger
of burnout and
losing heart.
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Dave Ferguson
Lead Pastor
Community Christian Church
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Leading a Huddle
huddle meeting ended. They prayed for each other and left the
restaurant without anyone wanting a detailed commentary on
Je s life. He was relieved. That was better, Je thought.
On the eld that following Saturday morning, Je coached
his sons peewee soccer team in the season championship
game. After months of working with the boys, they were nally
beginning to play as a team. Initially, the biggest challenge Je
faced was getting the boys to work together. Inevitably when
a player got the ball, he wanted to run it down the eld all by
himself, forgetting to rely on teammates who were available
to receive a pass. And getting them to play a position was a
whole other challenge. Those rst several games it was just
a mass of boys chasing after one ball, every man for himself.
The only way you could identify that there were two teams on
the eld was by the color of their uniform. But on this day, all
the practice time and coaching was paying o and the boys
were functioning as a real team, playing positions and relying
on one another to move the ball down the eld. There still
was the occasional one man show, but for the most part, they
were working together well. As they huddled together before
the start of the game, Je repeated the coaching phrases he
had drilled into their heads all season: play your position and
pass the ball.
Despite a rainy day and a wet eld, the team won the game.
Covered in mud, they found themselves at the local pizza place
where Je handed them each a trophy. As he announced each
boys name, he shared something specic that that player
had contributed to the team. The boys were beaming and
nearly every player said, I hope I get to play on this team next
year!
Teams
One of the most rewarding aspects of contributing in
ministry is the experience of being on a team. Ministry
leaders who serve on their own, disconnected from the
encouragement and camaraderie of a team, are in great
danger of burnout and losing heart. Those who experience
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Chapter 9
jumped right in and asked the leaders to share what was going
on in their lives. He didnt talk about leadership, he didnt
talk about small groups, and he didnt talk about what was
coming up next at church. As a matter of fact, he didnt really
talk at all. Gary spent the majority of the meeting time asking
questions and the other leaders apparently were expected
to share about their lives. Whats up with this? Je thought.
I already have my small group. I dont need any more touchy,
feeley in my life. Being a group leader had already stretched
Je in the area of relational sharing. He relied heavily on his
wife during group time to help make the relational connect
with people in the group. He shared about his life, but he
never quite got how some people were so needy and seemed
to want to talk about their feelings and their life at every
group meeting. Isnt that what your spouse is for? Je often
thought. Too much emotional connect could sometimes send
him over the edge.
Driving to work after the meeting, Je was just puzzled. I like
this church, I like being a group leader, but this coaching/ huddle
thing, I just dont get. Since Je valued being a team player, he
didnt say anything to anyone about the huddle experience.
He just agreed to attend the huddle time the following month.
In fact, life was so busy, the huddle time had been dismissed
from his thoughts until he looked at his calendar a month later
and noticed that it was time to meet again.
On his way to the next months huddle meeting, Je found
himself becoming uncomfortable. I hope they dont want
me to share about my life again, he thought. He considered
just passing by the restaurant and going in early to work, but
being Mr. Amiable, he parked in the IHOP parking lot and went
in. Not in the mood for breakfast, Je just ordered coee. He
was the rst one there. As he waited for the others to arrive,
he looked over his schedule for the day. Gary walked in next,
grinning ear to ear. Oh brother, Je thought, this guy really
likes this weird meeting.
Once everyone had arrived and the breakfast had been
ordered, Gary began. He had an agenda. He asked the
leaders about their summer group plans and various other
things related to the changing seasons of small groups. The
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The Coaching Role
R
A knowing smile broke across many faces and a few heads
nodded as the lead pastor described the game. This is a
game where the stakes are high and in the nal seconds,
when the score is tied, we are handing the ball to you. This
was a gathering of leaders. Not just any leaders; the leaders
of a movement. These seasoned people know what it
means to go the distance, to trade life for an eternal cause.
These leaders know what it means to invest time and energy
into the lives of people who will then turn around and build
up others. Nobody has to tell these folks what it is like to
live on the edge relationally with others, to gut it out, to take
risks, to be in community, to live their faith.they know.
These are people who in some cases gave up the nancial
rewards of this world to do kingdom work. They fought
o the temptation to view success as most do and instead
count success as changed hearts and lives. They share a rare
eternal kind of view; the look on their faces reveals a hint
of uncommon character. These are people not blown and
tossed by the wind, but those whose roots are deep, whose
foundations are solid.
Oh, and if about now you are thinking they are perfect, then
think again. They would tell you that they are weak and
sometimes misguided. A dive into their past, a look at their
life story, would reveal that these are folks whose character
has been shaped by lifes hard knocks, hurts, hang-ups, and
not too few attacks by the evil one. In fact they are as real
as it getslike the velveteen rabbit whose hair has been
rubbed o for the love they have given and received.
Although there
is amazement,
awe, joy, wonder,
adventure, and
challenge; there
really is no surprise.
Because isnt that
the kind of God we
have? A God who
places His Holy
Spirit in the lives of
broken people and
then uses those
lives to change
eternity?
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Chapter 1
who places His Holy Spirit in the lives of broken people and
then uses those lives to change eternity? You see, these
leaders do not just know about a God like that, they have
not just read about a God like that, they have experienced
God to be JUST LIKE THAT. They have experienced Him to
be the kind of God who chose to dwell in them, to plant
the ower of his kingdom in their very hearts, and to water
and grow this ower in community. This is the kind of God
these leaders know and love with all their heart, mind, soul,
and strength.
These are the coaches.
What is a coach
and what does a
coach do?
In short, a coach
is a leader whose
intentional
investment
in the lives of
other leaders
encourages them
to do better; better
not just in their
leadership role
but better, period.
Leading a Huddle
R
Leading a Huddle
Je is Mr. Amiable. Everybody likes him and he seems to like
everybody. He does well at work, with his family, and at church. He
is easy to talk to and one of those people who you just immediately
trust. He sees the positive side of things and rarely complains. Like
most men in their early 40s, Je has a full life. He enjoys his job
and his three kids who keep him busy coaching and attending
their activities.
One place where Je might not be described as Mr. Amiable is
on the playing eld. Either coaching his kids soccer team or
watching a game, Je has been known to be so consumed with
the game that he sometimes forgets himself. His drive, intensity,
and competitiveness show on the eld. He expects a lot from
himself and a lot from his players. And like most things in Je s
life, he coaches well and his team usually wins.
Although things are going well, there was one thing that puzzled
Je. Soon after becoming a small group leader, Je had been
introduced to his coach. What in the world do I need a coach for?
Je had thought. His coach, Gary, had asked Je to meet once a
month with the other small group leaders he coached; something
called a huddle. Je was willing but unsure of the purpose of this
meeting. Since he wasnt a complainer, Je agreed.
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Chapter 9
The early morning huddle time worked ne. Je could meet his
coach and the other leaders for breakfast and make it to work
without missing a beat. But that rst huddle meeting disturbed
him. Gary, apparently having been a coach for a long time, just
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Chapter 8
Questions for Discussion
1.
Share how your own life has been aected by your role
in ministry at CCC.
A Coaching Model
2.
3.
Community Christian
Church coaching
model
4.
5.
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Equip
Leaders
Relational
Development
for up to 5
Leaders
Serve
Leaders
Recruit
Leaders
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Chapter 1
Relational Development
Relational
Recruiting
Julie, Kim said, with passion and emotion that she did not
expect, We need to create more opportunities for people to
be needed.
The two women began imagining who their six new
hospitality contributors were going to be. What were their
life circumstances? How was God pursuing them right now?
And how might God use an opportunity in hospitality to help
them nd their way back to Him.
Julie, Kim said, I would like you to lead hospitality for this
new 5th service. She reminded Julie of the time when several
of the hospitality volunteers had not come to serve with Julie
one Sunday last month. Kim had watched Julie nd several
people who she knew and ask them to stand in and help out.
Sure enough, things were prepared in time to make a good
rst impression on the newcomers who walked through the
doors during those next 30 minutes. Julie had gotten the
help she needed and had done so with grace, calm, and
gratefulness.
Kim then shared what she believed to be true. By expanding
your inuence and leading a team, I believe God can use you
to enroll people and that enrollment could be a step toward
changing their eternity. Julie looked surprised. I never really
thought about it that way, she said.
Julie then reminded Kim of her story. She never really felt a
part of church before. When she grew up, church was just
something that she HAD to do, not something that she
wanted to do. When a friend invited her to CCC, Julie had
found it refreshing and practical. Her friend also asked her
to help out with the hospitality ministry whenever she could
arrive early. Julie loved being asked. She wanted to be a part
of a team and give back in some way as she felt she was
learning so much. Then one of the other volunteers invited
Julie to her small group. The rest is history, Julie said. You
know, if it had not been for my hospitality friends, I am not
sure I would have ever went to a small group. And without
my small group, I am not sure I would have ever got Jesus, I
like I get him now.
necessary.
Kim smiled, Good thing we needed you.
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Chapter 8
of the leader as they closed the deal on this opportunity.
After the ask has been made, it is helpful to place a time limit
on the decision. Give the potential leader time to think and
pray and then tell them when and how you plan to follow
up with them. If you say you will call in one week, then do
it. Dont delay. Persist with this person until you receive an
answer. If the answer is yes, share very specic steps on what
comes next and give them some immediate leadership tasks.
It is helpful to
place a time limit
on the decision.
Give the potential
leader time to
think and pray
and then tell them
when and how
you plan to follow
up with them.
By the end of her meeting with Tom, Kim felt a sense of renewed
faith and resolve. No doubt God was in this new service thing.
After all, if it had not been for the new service time being
added two years ago, Jack may never have invited Kim to start
contributing with cookies and coee.
By that afternoon, Kim had rolled up her sleeves and dove into
her plan of recruiting a hospitality leader for the new service
time. She decided to pray about it rst, but felt she already had
some ideas as she had seen several of the current contributors
show signs of leadership. She made a list of three people and
began to pray for them over the coming week.
One week later, Kim took name number one on her list, called
Julie, and asked to buy her coee. The two met for coee early
on Sunday morning before people began to arrive for the
celebration service. After talking about the movie Julie had
seen the night before, checking on one anothers family and
work, Kim began. Julie, she said, Did you hear about the 5th
service we are starting? Julie rolled her eyes. She launched
into similar concerns that Kim had shared with Tom just over
a week ago. How are we going to ll another service with
volunteers? Julie asked. Someone is going to have to nd
us at least six new hospitality people, and at this time of year,
people are so busy, no one is going to want to do it.
Kim smiled. Let me tell you a story, Julie. Kim went on to
tell Julie the story of how she first began contributing in
hospitality. Julie had not heard that story before. Her eyes
grew wide as Kim described how she needed the responsibility
that her contribution in hospitality provided as a part of her
program to remain sober in those early days of recovery.
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Equipping
15
Chapter 1
ServeHelping the Leader Accomplish
the Task
Serve
Recruiting
Skill Box - Recruiting with Strategic Language
Language communicates much more than information. It
reveals attitudes, values, and vision. The language you use
when recruiting potential leaders can have a profound impact
on their perception of the ask. Do you believe you are inviting
others to join a meaningful, adventurous, important mission?
Then use strategic language to recruit!
INSTEAD OF
STRATEGICALLY
COMMUNICATE
We need volunteers.
RecruitingIdentifying Potential
Leaders
Recruit
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Chapter 8
Vision
The eective ask begins with a compelling vision. We
are inviting people into a mission that is directed by God
and changes peoples eternity. Tell emerging leaders how
God has worked in your life and spiritual journey through
your involvement in ministry. Share stories about other
contributors on your team. Share stories about how your
team has played a role in helping people nd their way
back to God. Help emerging leaders understand that they
have an opportunity to grow as a Christ follower and make
a missional impact through contributing on a team. Cast a
compelling vision. Dont let the moment go by with a weak
or apologetic ask. Make it a compelling, trade-your-life-foretemal-work kind of ask!
Bill Hybels makes a strong case for communicating vision to
people in his book Courageous Leadership:
When one who has embodied a vision stands in a parking lot
or looks across the table in a restaurant or sits on the tailgate
of a pickup truck and casts a vision to someone else, one-onone look out. There is tremendous power in that. The most
eective leaders Ive ever known have a lock on this. Check
their day timers and youll see scores of private interactions
scheduled over breakfast, lunch, and dinner hours. During
such meetings seasoned leaders carefully, passionately, and
personally explain their vision, then they courageously ask
individuals to join them.3
Practice
articulating the
passion you have
for serving God the
way that you do.
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We are in a game, the stakes are high, and the ball is in the
hands of our leaders. God has great plans and purposes that
he hopes to accomplish through you and your leaders. We
hope you are energized by the opportunity to serve as a coach
and pray that the stories that follow help equip you for this
role.
2.
Hybels, Bill. Courageous Leadership. Grand Rapids, ML Zondervan Publishing, 2002: 40.
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Chapter 1
3.
4.
Recruiting
or her experience of Jesus then you have done what you are
called to do.
Prayer
Occasionally you will have a hard time seeing any potential
leaders on the horizon. When a church is growing at a
rapid rate sometimes it seems the number of people who
need to be led and cared for is growing at a faster rate
than the number of leaders who are stepping up to lead
and shepherd. Jesus understood this challenge. He told his
disciples, The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few
(Luke 10: 1). How did Jesus instruct his disciples to tackle this
challenge? He said, Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore,
to send out workers into his harvest eld (Luke 10:2). When
you are having diculty identifying potential apprentices,
pray, pray, pray. Ask God to raise up people to lead and then
keep your eyes open to see his answers to your prayers.
Identify Strengths
Tell an emerging leader what you see in them. Be specic.
What have you observed about their life, their words, their
relational skills, their gifts and talents, or their character that
caught your eye? What do you see in them that could make
an eternal dierence in the lives of others?
Good, solid observation about how someone is gifted by
God can be strategic in helping that person discover his or
her role in the body of Christ. Be observant and then share
your observations!
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Chapter 8
a coach you are looking for the leader. The individual gifted
by God to LEAD others on the mission.
Start with the simple answer, EVERYONE, and your leaders will
emerge. Begin by using your inuence and role as a coach
(and encourage your leaders to do the same) to invite others
to help in the mission. Ask people to contribute even in the
smallest way (like cookies and coee for Kim). Look for those
who are faithful, available, and teachable. Watch as those
contributing interact with others and see if people follow
their lead. Are others attracted to this person? Does this
person have inuence in the team or group? Does this person
have the right momentum and direction spiritually? As you
watch people contribute look for the leaders to emerge.
Are others
attracted to this
person?
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Chapter 2
The Coachs Journey
R
Up at 5:30 am, showered and on the road by 6:30 am for the
one hour commute (well, an hour on a good day anyway), Ken
considered his life. The pressures of work required some of his best
energy and eort, but there were days when the commute alone
made him want to turn around and head back home. His recent
decision to lead an increasingly balanced life kept him committed
to leaving the oce by 5:00 pm (this usually worked about 4 out
of 5 days a week) in the hopes of getting in the driveway by 6:00
pm in time for the family dinner. With kids, homework, sports,
and some church commitments in the evening; Ken sometimes
felt like life was shaking him by the tail. There is simply no denying
Kens busy schedule.
As a gifted leader with a compassion for Junior High students, Ken
had been leading in the student ministry at the church for the past
5 years. His vision for helping kids nd their way back to God was
the driving force behind his commitment. The student ministry
at his home church had been instrumental in helping Ken make
a God-connect when he was a 7th grade student. Having begun
a relationship with Jesus at this early age, Ken felt he had a head
start in making good choices in the critical years that followed.
Wanting to touch as many lives as possible, Ken developed and
released other leaders who shared his passion for student ministry.
Over the past several years he emerged as a coach caring for three
other student ministry leaders. His relational connect with these
leaders was something Ken took seriously.
Jumping in the car at 6:30 am coee cup in hand, Ken began
the long commute. The side streets were quiet and he relished
the silence before he hit the heavy trac on the highway. Ken
suddenly felt a surge of energy, hopefulness for the new day that
lay ahead. Then it began. The Chicago commuting nightmare:
big, heavy, crisp and white. Snow akes. Not urries, no, this was
a lazy, heavy snow, where the akes were big and slow enough to
catch on your tongue or the hood of your car, depending on your
stage of life. Then the surprise; instead of commuters dread, Ken
felt a sense of awe and joy, yes JOY. Since his wife had been out
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Chapter 2
shopping last night and used his car, Christmas music was
blaring through the CD player. Hark, the Herald Angels Sing.
Ken found himself concentrating on the words. Peace on
earth and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled. God and
sinners reconciled. As many times as he had heard this song,
these words struck him like brand new.
Our leaders
need us to be
cultivating
an intimate
relationship
with God,
growing in our
own journey as
Christ-followers,
and protecting
the things in our
lives that renew
and refresh us.
Ken launched into an out loud prayer right there in the car.
He thanked God for sending his son Jesus to save him, a
sinner. He thought of the many Junior High students who
were baptized in the lake this past summer at camp. God
and sinners reconciled. That is it! That IS IT! God and sinners
reconciled, my whole reason for being, Ken thought, is to be
used by God to facilitate this process of reconciliation.
Ken began a conversation of thanksgiving, examination
of himself, and confession that lasted the entire commute.
The usual one hour commute unfolded itself into an
accumulating snowy 90 minutes.
Snow akes. That was how God began his conversation
with Ken that December morning. Sometimes it was the
Bible left open the night before by his wife that Ken glanced
at as he drank his coee in the morning, sometimes it was
the message tape he picked up on Sunday and popped
into the tape player, or perhaps on the mornings he got
a late start, it was the kids he saw waiting on the corner
for the bus. Whatever it was, EVERYDAY God pursued Ken
and attempted to begin a conversation with him. And on a
good day, the conversation that started in the car lasted the
whole day. When that happened, Ken would nd himself
wanting more at bedtime. On those nights, he would
pick up his Bible and read, sometimes falling asleep and
sometimes tempted to wake his wife to share some insight
he found.
If we are to fulll the role God is entrusting to us, it will take
more than our own human eort and abilities. Our leaders
need us to be cultivating an intimate relationship with
God, growing in our own journey as Christ-followers, and
protecting the things in our lives that renew and refresh
us. The best gift we can give to our leaders is a healthy,
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Recruiting
Yeah, the one who told me a long time ago that he could
not be on the hospitality team because he did not believe in
God. He just came to church to keep his wife o his back. Well,
I kept connecting with him each week, and teasing him about
his need to sample EVERY cookie on the table. He eventually
changed his mind and joined the 8:30am Sunday hospitality
team about 6 months ago. He was working alongside Mark.
And, you know Mark, he just cannot keep his mouth shut
about the things God is doing in his life and family. Well after
a while the two of them became friends. Hank now goes to
Marks small group and Mark just told me that Hank is being
baptized at the next Commitment Celebration.
I cant believe it! Tom laughed. Well I guess I can believe it.
That is just the way God works isnt it?
You know what I cant believe? Kims face clouded with
emotion. Sometimes I cant believe that God uses me. ME
with all my past and brokenness. He uses ME to lead a ministry
that makes an eternal dierence in peoples lives.
Let me get this straight, Tom said with slight sarcasm. Are
you telling me that coaching and leading this team has been
a blessing in your life?
Now Kim really knew where he was going with this.
You can pass this blessing on to others, Kim. Tom continued.
Who do you think is ready to be blessed by leading a team
for the new 5th service?
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She didnt feel all that condent about caring for a team. As
she began as the apprentice leader her rst task was to call
the team and remind them to come for the service time they
were scheduled for.
Ill never forget one of my rst phone calls, Kim told Tom. I
was calling to remind this woman that it was her week to serve
and told her I would look forward to seeing her on Sunday.
Then she told me she couldnt be there on her scheduled
week. Her mother had just been diagnosed with cancer and
she would need to travel to be with her mom as she began
chemotherapy. We ended up talking for 30 minutes. Kim
recalled with Tom how she had organized the rest of the team
to send cards and pray daily for their fellow team member and
her mother. Its funny, Kim said. When I became a leader
and began to care for a team, it took my energy and focus o
myself and my life and helped me to shift my focus outward
to others. This gave me the balance I needed at that time. I
still had to work on my stu, but I needed an outlet to care
for and serve others along the way.
Kim continued to share all the ways that leadership had been
a benet to her life instead of the burden she originally feared.
As a leader she had to keep her schedule in priority. She was
forced to make time for church, God, and others. Sometimes,
she really felt stretched as a leader. In those times, Kim learned
that she needed to be connected to God, allowing him to lead
her as she led her team. Leadership has been one of the main
catalysts for my spiritual growth, Kim said.
As she led, church began to feel like home to Kim. It became
not just about what she would get, but what God was
calling her to give. She found herself owning her piece of
the mission. There was a fulllment in her role that she had
trouble describing.
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Even though Tom had to beg her to tell her story again, now
Kim was on a roll. One more thing, she said looking at Tom
with a joyful grin. Do you remember Hank?
Hank, the guy with the beard and those funky glasses?
Tom asked.
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Chapter 2
retreats, journaling, and other spiritual disciplines we have
the opportunity to spend time with Godlearning more
of his heart and sharing our own heart with him. Each of
us needs to consider this question: What combination of
spiritual disciplines do I need in order to keep my heart
intimate and attuned to God? The answer to that question
may be dierent for each of us and may vary as we pass
through the seasons of our lives, but it is crucial that we
answer that question and commit to the regular practice
of those disciplines if we want to cultivate our relationship
with God.
Spiritual Disciplines
Solitude
Quiet Times
Personal Devotions
Simplicity
Prayer
Bible Study
Meditation
Worship
Retreats
Journaling
Fasting
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Recruiting
or nd new apprentices. Not only do coaches share this
responsibility of identifying and inviting new leaders into
ministry, often they will need to model this recruiting and
invitation process for the leaders.
It is no secret that we are competing against the lifestyles
that many people have adopted. Fifty hour workweeks plus
travel time are common today. Add to that kids baseball
practices and soccer games, car-pooling, and caring for
parents and peoples lives are lled with activity. There is
no sense in denying that in our culture we live very busy
lives. Its no wonder that asking people to serve in a ministry
makes many leaders break out in a cold sweat.
What if you had something dierent to oer, something
that brought wholeness to their lives, something where
they received more than they gave, something that moved
them towards God and impacted eternity? Would this eect
how you felt about asking others to contribute or lead? As
a coach your heart beats fast for those who are far from
the Father. If contributing or apprentice leading can move
people closer to God, then recruiting becomes a means for
helping people nd their way back to God and for growing
spiritually. The rst step towards becoming an eective
recruiter and helping our leaders become eective recruiters
is changing our mindset about inviting people into ministry.
It is not about asking people to give up more time, it is
about asking people to experience God in a new way and
to partner with Him on a mission that changes lives. As a
coach, you are challenging others to follow in obedience the
plan laid out in Scripture about being the body of Christ (I
Corinthians 12:27).
If contributing or
apprentice leading
can move people
closer to God,
then recruiting
becomes a means
for helping people
nd their way back
to God and for
growing spiritually.
Tom is right, Kim thought. Not only was it a good thing they
needed me to contribute, but when I was asked to lead a team
and eventually coach, my spiritual growth took o.
Kim had been serving on the hospitality team for about 5
months when her coach asked her to apprentice lead a team.
Kim remembered feeling like they were taking a huge risk on
her as she was just beginning to feel stable in her recovery at
that time and her relationship with Jesus was so new to her.
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Chapter 8
for a while, and he recommended that she take a welcome
bag from the table that was full of information about the
church. When she went over to the table, she met Jack for
the rst time. Jack, a friendly guy with a diamond earring in
one ear, welcomed her warmly and asked how she found the
church. Kim surprised herself with her candor and told Jack
even more than she had told some of her friends. She found
the church through a program she attended in the building
on Friday nights. Jack was intrigued and asked more. She
shyly admitted that she had been attending the AA meeting
at this church building for the past 4 weeks and had about
that same amount of time of sobriety under her belt. Jack
congratulated her on her four weeks of sobriety and shared
a bit of his recovery story with her. Kim remembered being
amazed. She had always thought that people in church had
it all together and did not have pasts like hers.
Jack shared how being a part of church was so much more
to him than showing up every week. He loved it at church
because he felt like he was on a mission with God.
We are competing
against the lifestyles
that many people
have adopted.
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Chapter 2
What is God trying to teach you right now? or How have
you grown in the past few months? they would be hardpressed to give you an answer. Its not that they dont want
to be growing Christians; its just that they dont really think
about it all that much. They rarely wonder, What is the
next step for me on my journey as a Christ-follower?
As coaches, we must be asking ourselves this question and
asking it regularly. What is the next step for me on my
journey as a Christ-follower? In my role as a coach? In my
relationships with my family? In my relationships with my
neighbors? Growing Christians are those who ask the next
step questions.
Chapter 8
Recruiting
R
Recruiting
How will we begin a new congregation when we are unsure how
to get enough help to keep our current congregations aoat? Kim
was questioning and even a bit angry about the announcement
to begin a new service. Kim had been functioning as a coach in
ministry teams for only three months. She loved her role but at
times she felt nervous about the breadth of her responsibilities.
Her main job as a coach was to take care of hospitality leaders
for the four weekend services at the church. When she realized
that the plan was to add a fth, she was nervous.
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Recruit
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Chapter 7
3.
4.
5.
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Chapter 2
Being a Christ-follower Requires
Movement
God is in motion and if we are sitting down we will be
left behind and miss the places he is leading us tothe
work that he is purposing to do in us and through us.
Paul understood that being a disciple was about forward
movement. We can see it in his words when he says:
I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus
took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet
to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting
what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, I
press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God
has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Phil 3:12-14
Paul knew that his walk with God was about forward
motionabout knowing Christ more and moreabout
pressing on to the next step that would take him farther
down the road towards all that God had for him and
wanted to do through him.
So what are the next steps God is calling you to take in
your journey? We encourage you to regularly take time to
ask that question and reect on the ways God is at work
in your life and the areas he is challenging you to grow in.
Come up with a plan that will help you take those steps of
growth,1 revisit that plan often to check your progress, and
ask your ministry director or a trusted friend to hold you
accountable to the plan.
God has a next step for you in your journey as a Christfollower. As coaches we must be people in motion that in
turn help our leaders nd the steps God is inviting them to
take.
1
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2.
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Chapter 7
through the six coaching questions in her mind and was pretty
sure that How can I rescue you? was not one of them.
Instead, in a moment of clarity, Heather inquired, How can I
help you, Shelley? Shelley looked confused. What should we
do? she posed a question back to Heather. You always have
a quick and creative solution.
Heather paused. We ARE in a mess, she agreed. Solutions
were scrolling through her mind. It felt clear to her what should
be done, but she stopped short of blurting it out. Instead she
said, Lets pray about this. Shelley happily agreed, but not
without a moment of surprise. It was not Heathers normal
mode of operation to stop, reect, and pray before launching
into x-it mode.
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If you want to
be a dierence
maker for the
long haul you
must discover
the right rhythm
for your life and
live that rhythm
out consistently.
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Chapter 2
Come away with Me by yourselves to a quiet place and
rest for a while
Mark 6:3.
If you want to be a dierence maker for the long haul
you must discover the right rhythm for your life and live
that rhythm out consistently. It will be hard at times. It
will involve drawing some boundaries in your life that
may require dicult choices and will certainly not please
every person in your life. But your calling as a coach is too
important to risk the dangers of burnout.
Great News!
That very next spring after the snowake conversation with
God, when the trees were beginning to bud, Ken came home
with some very good news. His work headquarters were
moving! His new commute: 10 minutes!! Ken was so pleased
as he could certainly use the extra time with his family and
entertained the idea of helping get dinner on the table at
night. Well, at least he contemplated the idea.
After three weeks in the new headquarters, Ken found himself
in a rut. Something was not clicking. His time with his wife
was at. Coaching with his leaders felt more like a chore
than a joy. He just didnt feel very inspired. Hopping in the
car one morning at 7:45 for his 10 minute commute to work,
Ken clicked on the radio. Passing the park, he noticed a line
of trees covered in snow white blooms. He recalled his hour
long commute in the winter and specically remembered the
day of the snowake conversation with God. Although he did
not wish to go back to the hour long commute, it occurred to
him that without the commute his time with God needed to
be even more intentional.
Rising early the next day, Ken left a bit early for work. He
pulled over by the park and sat on a bench under the line of
trees with snow white blooms and reclaimed his time with
God. Thank you God for reconciling me to yourself through
your son Jesus.. he began.
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Not now, honey, was her reply as she held her hand over the
cell phone mouth piece. Just get in and pipe down a minute
while I handle this call.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
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Chapter 2
6.
Chapter 7
Helping and Praying
R
Question 4 - How Can I Help You?
Question 5 - How Can I Pray For You?
7.
How can you build things that ll your tank into your
schedule this next week?
Serve
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30
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Chapter 6
4.
Chapter 3
Getting Started
R
Establishing a Relationship with a Leader
Helen was unsure at the moment if she really even wanted to be
a coach. With her family responsibilities and her full-time job, it
seemed that coaching other leaders would be more than she could
manage. Why did they ask me? She wondered. Its not as if I am
any kind of expert at this stuff.
Joe was thrilled about getting started with leading a group. After
one year of beneting from being in a small group himself, he was
sure that he had something to oer others and he was hopeful that
God could use him. The commitment to be there every Thursday
night made him a bit nervous, but he wanted to make it work.
Helen and Joe were not a likely combination, Helen in her 50s and
Joe in his late 20s. She could have been his mother. How would
it work for these two seemingly quite dierent people to build a
coaching relationship that released potential in Joe and helped
them both grow closer to God.
Sure, I will follow the rules and meet with my coach, Joe thought. But
actually he was quite condent that after having been in a group
for over a year, he could manage just ne and didnt really need
any coaching, thank you very much. Besides he prided himself
in being intrinsically motivated, unlike some of these other
leaders who apparently needed some propping up. But not him,
Joe was sure that his experience as a manager at work as well as
his charismatic personality was all he needed to make this small
group thing work. How hard can it be? Anyway, any real help he
needed would come straight from God.
I guess this coaching thing is good for those people who are a little
unsure of themselves and not as mature as I am, Joe thought. Since
his ministry director seemed quite intent on giving him a coach, he
agreed to play along. In fact, it seemed so important to the director,
he began to wonder if they would let him lead at all if he hadnt
agreed to this coaching thing. Whatever, he thought.
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Chapter 3
Helen sensed Joes reservations when she called to set up their
rst meeting. He was nice enough, but seemed a bit arrogant
for such a young kid. She imagined her son that age and
wondered if this 20 something kid could lead a group with
any shred of maturity. Hmmmwell the small group director
seems to think he has what it takes, so I will give this coaching
thing a go. She could not help thinking that life is full of all
kinds of crazy relationships that we have to have. So why is she
choosing to add another forced relationship to her life?
After a few moments in prayer, Helen walked into the caf for
her rst meeting with Joe. He smiled and waved to her from
the corner, coee in hand. Here goes, she thought.
2.
3.
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Chapter 6
Hey, I just started being comfortable with the idea of being
a leader! Cindy said, Dont you dare start calling me an
expert!
Marie laughed. Anyway, she continued, I just think that as
we talk about the challenges of ministry, if we put our heads
together, we just might be able to uncover some workable
solutions.
Great! Cindy said. I have needed to talk with you about
Matt. I cant seem to get through to him and he tends to use
humor and other crazy antics to get attention from the other
kidsand
Whoa! Marie said and held up her hand as if to stop the
oncoming trac. Lets start with celebration. I want to hear
about what is going well in your Kids City group. What are
you celebrating?
Cindy launched into a description of the events in her group.
The highlight for her group over the past month was watching
kids beginning to bring their friends, and seeing some of these
friends ask questions about Jesus. What a great way to spend
a Sunday morning, Cindy said, Talking with kids who have
never before heard stories about Jesus!
Ok, Marie said, Tell me about Matt. Hmmmm Cindy
moaned. He is such a great kid, but his mother tells me he
has ADHD. I am not sure how to deal with that.
Sounds like a challenge, Marie sympathized. What ideas
do you have to tackle this challenge?
Cindy told Marie about a friend of hers who specializes in
learning challenged kids at the local elementary school. Cindy
decided to contact her friend and ask her for some input.
Marie asked Cindy if she thought her friend might be willing
to come to the small group and observe and then oer some
ideas. The two women agreed that this might be a great way
to get Cindys friend to come to church and also will open up
some spiritual conversation between Cindy and her friend.
Cindy left the meeting resolved to begin tackling the Matt
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Getting Started
Purpose: Story Telling
Going into the rst meeting with a well dened, understood
purpose will give you condence. No matter what the
unique challenges your coaching relationship faces, every
rst meeting with a leader has the same purpose: telling your
story. It sounds simple, but in our fast-paced, task-driven,
goal-oriented culture; it takes purposeful eort and focused
intention to have a meeting with only two items on the
agenda: telling your story and listening to the story of the
leader you are coaching. Fight the urge to be all about task
and any pressure you feel to be the coaching expert and
have a meeting for the purpose of story telling. If you are
able to do your rst meeting with this agenda, it will set your
relationship on a solid foundation that will pay o in the long
run.
First Meeting
Agenda
1. Tell your story
2. Listen to the
story of another.
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Chapter 3
Skill Box 1 - Asking Good Questions
A key skill for drawing out the story of another is the
powerful art of asking good questions. The following
questions may be helpful in the storytelling conversation.
1. How did you start coming to CCC?
2. When did Jesus rst become real to you?
3. Was church a part of your family life when you were
growing up?
4. What was it like growing up in your family?
5. Who have been the most inuential people in your
life?
6. Why did you choose to be a leader?
7. What do you do for a living? Why did you choose
that career path?
8. What are some of the most memorable experiences
youve had in your life?
Eective Listening
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Key Question
Action Plan
Evaluate and
Decide
Roadmap
What steps do we
need to take to tackle
this challenge?
Outline a roadmap of
steps that will take you
from the challenge to the
solution.
Act
What do I need to do
now?
Reect
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Chapter 6
Getting Started
Step
Key Question
Action Plan
Heart Check
Prioritize
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Core
Options
Brainstorm a list of
options. Do not evaluate
the options at this point.
Come up with as many
options as possible.
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Chapter 3
Authentic Sharing
As a coach, you have the opportunity to set the tone for the
coaching relationship. As you begin to authentically share
your story, you reveal Gods grace and love at work in your
life. How fun is that? We think that is lots of fun, but it does
require some vulnerability and that can be a challenge. As
your story unravels over time, you take the risk of showing
the leaders you coach that you, like all of us, are a work in
progress. This kind of sharing leads the way for the leaders in
your huddle to share the work that God is doing in their lives
and hearts. Fortunately, your huddle of leaders is not a we
have it all together club, but a place where leaders give and
receive help, hope and encouragement. As the coach, your
authenticity will lead to growth-lled opportunities for your
leaders.
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Chapter 6
brilliant answer? Resisting the temptation to be the expert
but instead guiding your leader to workable solutions to
ministry challenges will be the mark of eective coaching.
Equipping is about helping your leaders eectively carry
out their tasks. Questions 2 through 4 in our six Questions
model provide a tool for equipping your leaders. Equipping
happens as coaches guide leaders through these three
questions: What are you celebrating? What challenges are
you facing? How will you tackle those challenges?
Celebrating
successes
helps leaders
understand what
is working well and
encourages them
to continue doing
those things and to
build upon those
things.
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Getting Started
Keeping Perspective
Helen wasnt sure how she felt after her rst meeting with
Joe. She was glad the initial awkwardness of their meeting
subsided as she began to draw pieces of Joes life story out
into the conversation. She was pleasantly surprised that
he seemed responsive to the questions she asked about his
spiritual journey, ministry involvement, and family life. She
enjoyed learning about him. But for some reason as she
reected on their meeting later that night, she still felt anxious
in her heart about this coaching relationship. The more she
thought about it, the more her anxiety level seemed to rise.
Her mind began to be ooded with a barrage of questions and
nagging thoughts: How am I supposed to build a signicant
relationship with someone so young? Joe probably thinks
meeting with me will be a waste of time. Was he just humoring
me by being polite tonight? Why did I agree to take on this
ministry? I really dont think I know enough to be coaching
other leaders.
As Helen began to formulate reasons she could give her
director to explain why she wasnt the best person to coach
Joe, suddenly a voice deep within her heart broke through
and she knew God was drawing her to step back from the
fear and anxiety she was feeling to allow Him to realign her
perspective. She grabbed her journal and headed out into
the living room where in the stillness of the ending day God
reminded her of some important things.
Every self-aware
coach will battle
feelings of
inadequacy and
ineectiveness
from time to time.
Sometimes it
seems the deeper
we go in our
spiritual journey
the more we
become aware of
our weaknesses
and how much we
dont know.
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Chapter 3
she had scribbled on her program during the celebration service
last Sunday. In the quietness of her living room, the nagging
thoughts in Helens mind began to be replaced by truth as she
looked up the verses. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a
man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart
from me you can do nothing (John 15:5). If any of you lacks
wisdom, He should ask God who gives generously to all without
nding fault, and it will be given to him (James 1:5). ...neither
he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who
makes things grow (1 Corinthians 3:7).
Helens heart began to settle as she was reminded that she
could trust God to work through her willingness to serve. She
smiled as she thought of Jesus words: Come to me all who
are weary and burdened and I will give you rest (Matthew
11:28). Thank you for taking the burden Im feeling about this
relationship on your shoulders, Lord, she prayed. I know I can
trust you to work.
As she started to get up to head o to bed, one last Scripture
came to the forefront of her mind and she paused to look at it
before calling it a night. It was the scripture her director had
shared with her last week before assigning her to coach Joe. It
was from 1 Peter 5: Be shepherds of Gods ock that is under
your care, serving as overseersnot because you must, but
because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for
money, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted
to you, but being examples to the ock. And when the Chief
Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will
never fade away. Helen prayed, God, I may not know a lot of
things about this whole coaching thing, but one thing I know for
sure: for some reason you have entrusted Joe to my care and I
want to be faithful to caring for him as you would want me to.
God I commit myself to you and to serving Joe. I make myself
available for this relationship and trust you to work. May our
relationship fulll your purposes and honor you.
Equipping a
leader is not the
task of a coaching
expert but the
task of a coaching
guide.
Expert or Guide?
Building a Relationship With Someone
Very Dierent
Most coaches and leaders have some obstacles to overcome
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in teaching, knows so much more about kids than I do, and I am
supposed to equip her. How is this gonna work, Lord? Marie
prayed as she drove to the restaurant.
Marie saw Cindy sitting in their regular booth. They always
seemed to get the same booth at Chilis. Marie laughed at Cindy
who was hiding behind her menu, Same booth, huh? she said.
What will we ever do if they decide to seat us somewhere else?
Cindy looked up from the menu, I dont know why I am even
looking at the menu.I always order the same thing, and I am
sure today will be no exception. The women chatted until the
server came at which point they both ordered the same thing.
They ate, laughed, and mostly talked about their kids. Before
Marie knew it, 90 minutes had passed and it was time for Cindy
to go pick up the kids from school. They hugged goodbye and
wrote their next meeting time on their calendars. As Marie got
in her car, she felt very unsettled. I did it again, she thought. I
let our time go by and I didnt do anything to equip Cindy for
her task in ministry. I didnt even ask the right questions. As
was often typical with Marie, she began to wonder why in the
world she was a coach anyway. I dont have any expertise to
offer Cindy, she thought. She has a college degree in teaching
she should be coaching me!
Needing some comfort food, Marie drove through the
McDonalds drive thru and ordered a McFlurry and began to
drown her frustrations in ice cream and m&ms. As she sat in her
car eating ice cream in the McDonalds parking lot, she allowed
her mind to wander. She thought about her decision to get
married so young and to have children while most people were
nishing college. She thought about her life as a stay at home
mom raising kids while many women dressed for work every
day. She felt behind everyone else, ineective, and sometimes
even useless.
A sudden knock on her window made her leap o her seat
nearly spattering her ice cream on the windshield. Suppressing
a scream, she saw the childrens ministry director from church
waving at her with a silly grin on his face. Caught ya, didnt
I? he said in good humor. Embarrassed, Marie rolled down
her window and the friendly face actually brought a lump to
her throat. Surprised by the emotion, Marie replied, Caught
me what, eating ice cream or feeling like a failure? She
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Getting Started
in order to develop a signicant, purposeful relationship.
Coaching often pairs people together who might not
naturally have migrated to one another. For Helen and Joe,
their diering age and life stage made their pairing seem
somewhat awkward at rst. In your role as a coach, you
may be facing dierences in gender, culture, personality,
education, or past experience that seem to be hurdles in
your relationships with your leaders.
Helen felt these dierences pretty keenly when she rst
began meeting with Joe. Until she started trying to build a
relationship with him, she had never realized how for most
of her life she had surrounded herself with people who were
pretty much exactly like her.
At this early stage in their coaching relationship, Helen
decided to approach every meeting as an opportunity to
learn from Joeto try to better understand how a young
man in his 20s experiences the challenges of life and
ministry. She even decided to ask for his perspective on
some life and ministry challenges of her own.
She also decided that she would pray for an opportunity
in one of their rst few meetings to openly talk about how
their dierences in age, life stage, and gender could impact
their coaching relationship. Helen thought that if she and
Joe could be open about how their dierences aect them, it
might help them work through those dierences more easily.
Coaching relationships, like most relationships in life, require
lots of patience and hard work. As you begin establishing
connections with your leaders, dont be afraid of the hard
things. Its O.K. if things are hard for a while. James reminds
us that the challenges we face develop perseverance and
perseverance must nish its work so that you may be mature
and complete, not lacking anything (James 1:4). God can
redeem the hard things in your life to grow and develop you
on your journey. Just continue to look for ways to love and
learn with your leaders, and trust that God will produce the
fruit in your coaching relationships that He desires.
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Chapter 3
Questions for Discussion
1.
Does meeting with a leader for the rst time excite you?
Unnerve you? Energize you? Scare you? Focus you?
Encourage you?
2.
3.
Chapter 6
Celebrations and Challenges
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Question 2: What Are You Celebrating?
Question 3: What Challenges are You Facing?
Question 4: How Will you Tackle Those Challenges?
I am not a leader, I just love kids, Cindy said when Marie
invited her into Kids City leadership. Cindy had been helping
out as she liked to call it with the 4th grade small group in
Kids City every other Sunday for about a year. Cindy was in
school nishing her degree in teaching while also a busy mom
of two. She had a passion for kids that Marie had rarely seen
before. When she came to help out in the group her natural
gifts with children were apparent. The kids lit up on the weeks
Cindy was there and she had a way of talking to them that
was powerful and arming.
Equipping
4.
5.
Marie had just asked her to move from her helping role to be
the leader of the 4th grade small group. After giving it some
thought and prayer, Cindy agreed to work with the kids each
week, but still did not see her self as a leader. Marie smiled.
Cindy had leadership ability with kids like few others Marie
had seen. Shell get it, Marie thought.
That Im not a leader comment was nearly six months ago.
As Marie planned her coaching meeting with Cindy, she
thought about how Cindy had grown both spiritually and as
a leader to kids. Marie reviewed her six questions. Over the
past months of working together, Marie and Cindy had built
such a rapport that they often found themselves meeting over
lunch and chatting their 90 minutes away talking about life,
their kids, and lessons from God, while sometimes leaving
only a few minutes to talk about ministry in Kids City. Marie
made a mental note to concentrate her questions during this
meeting around equipping; making sure Cindy was feeling
successful in her ministry to the kids in her group.
Its kind of weird, Marie thought on her way out the door to
meet Cindy for lunch. Cindy, having since nished her degree
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Chapter 5
5.
Chapter 4
The Coaching Conversation
R
Overview of the Six Questions
6.
What do you think Ray did well and what do you think he
should have done dierently with Steve in this story?
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Chapter 4
2.
3.
4.
We are indebted to Carl George who shared the concept of using simple questions to coach
during a consulting session with Community Christian Church coaches in 2003.
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Chapter 5
tell people I needed to quit, Steve said. Hold on a minute, Ray
replied. Why are you making the leap from this job situation
to quitting your leadership role? Steve looked puzzled by this
response. What do you mean? he asked.
Ray replied, Well, Im not sure I understand why you feel you
need to step away from ministry during this critical time in your
life. Maybe that is what God wants you to do. But maybe God
would want you to stay. You are part of our team and when
one teammate is stressed and frustrated it doesnt make sense
to me for him to leave the team. How can the team rally around
him and provide the love and support he needs if hes gone?
And maybe God wants to make something good come out of
all of this by showing His strength through your weakness as
you serve.
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Chapter 4
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Chapter 5
4 Ways to Speak
Saying things that
are loving but not
true. This may
win friends but it
wont grow Christ
followers!
Saying things that
are neither loving
nor true. This is
the sure way to
destroy trust and
relationships!
Love
No Truth
Love
Truth
No Love
No Truth
No Love
Truth
Saying things
that are true in
love. Results in
authenticity and
the best chance
for growth and
maturity.
Saying things that
are true but not
seasoned with love.
Hurt feelings will
result!
Spiritual
In Joel Comiskeys book Home Cell Group Explosion he
presents the results of a survey he conducted among the
largest churches in the world. This survey revealed that
personality and gifts werent the biggest factor in the growth
of the churchprayer and the devotional lives of the leaders
were.3 Spiritual vitality is crucial to your leaders life and
eectiveness in ministry. When leaders hearts are intimately
connected to God they will be attuned to His leading and
ministry will ow from their lives. Too many times we get
this turned around. We ll our lives with the tasks of ministry
and nd very little time left to connect with God. When this
happens, not only are we in danger of wearing out (because
we arent staying connected to our Source of strength and
power); but we are also in danger of missing Gods plan and
purposes (because we arent sensitive to the leading of His
Spirit).
When leaders
hearts are
intimately
connected to
God they will
be attuned to
His leading and
ministry will ow
from their lives.
Comiskey, Joel. Home Cell Group Explosion: How Your Small Group Can Grow and Multiply.
Houston: TOUCH Publications, 1998. Comiskey found that Those who spend 90 minutes or
more in devotions per day multiply their groups twice as much as those who spend less than
30 minutes. He also notes that Those who pray daily for cell members are most likely to
multiply groups.
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Chapter 5
Checking Your Leaders RPMS
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Question 1 - How Are You?
Ray was so frustrated and angry he was having trouble keeping
his voice steady. Steve, usually reliable and fun to work with,
had been forgetting rehearsal, not communicating with
leaders, and generally leaving others to scramble around at
the last minute to x the stu he had not followed through
on. The 8:00pm call from the drummer on Friday was the
last straw. Where is Steve? the drummer for this weekends
services demanded. It is 8:00, all the musicians are here, but
there is no rehearsal leader. Isnt it supposed to be Steve this
weekend?
Ahhhnot again!! What is with this guy? Ray thought. He clearly
doesnt get it. Ray talked with the drummer and encouraged
the band to complete the rehearsal on their own. The drummer
agreed, but Ray could hear the frustration in his voice. The
next day the drummers frustration was echoed when Ray
received e-mails from two other musicians who had been at
the rehearsal the night before.
Relational
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Chapter 5
Hey Ray!! Sheila called out from the other side of the caf.
Grateful for the distraction Ray answered, Hey Sheila, what
brings you to the big yellow box today? While Sheila and Ray
chatted about kids and baseball and last weekends music at
celebration service, Steve, also relieved to be out of the hot
seat, got up from the table and walked outside. Noticing Steve
leaving the building Ray wrapped up the conversation with
Sheila and followed Steve outside. The side conversation with
Sheila had put Ray in a better frame of mind, so as he caught
up to Steve, he placed a hand on Steves shoulder. The two
men stood there for a few minutes. Ray nally broke the silence
saying, Ministry issues aside, Steve, whats going on with you?
For the rst time, since their meeting began, Steve raised his eyes
and looked at Ray. Ray was surprised to see a look of pain rather
then anger on Steves face. Whats up? Ray repeated.
Lets walk, Steve said, and began a brisk walk around the
pond. The men walked together in silence. Ray could see that
Steve was struggling to get out the words. Suddenly, Ray was
no longer thinking about missed rehearsals and frustrated
musicians, all he cared about was Steve. The guy was clearly
upset. Ray regretted his harsh start to the meeting and wished
he had begun the meeting with the obvious question, How
are you, Steve? Ray began to wonder if Steve would be able
to tell him at all, after his little display of frustration back at
the caf. Please Steve, open up, Ray began thinking as the men
walked and trac buzzed by at the busy corner. Please God,
forgive my harsh words and give Steve the courage to open up,
Ray silently prayed.
Finally, Steves steps slowed and Ray could see he was going to
talk. It was all Ray could do to keep walking and keep his eyes
forward. He wanted to stop in his tracks and scream, WHAT!
Keeping his eyes straight ahead, Steve confessed, Its over. All
Ray could think about was whats over?your marriage?... your
life?what already?!?
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Chapter 5
Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things
grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.
Ephesians 4:15
Speaking the truth in love can be the hardest part of
coaching. If a leader isnt carrying through with his or her
responsibilities, it is the coachs responsibility to speak
words of truth. When something in your leaders life seems
questionable or when your leader is unaware of a personal
weakness or problem, God may desire for you to be the voice
of truth in that leaders life. Speaking the truth in love will
enable your leader to take another step in his or her journey
towards maturity. Failing to speak these words of truth
might keep your leader from growing or prove problematic
or dangerous for your team and the people entrusted to that
leaders care. Truth speaking is hard. There is no way around
that. But it is something a coach must do for the good of the
leader and the ministry.
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Just as we check
the RPMs on a
car to see how
well it is running,
we can check
the RPMS on our
selves and our
leaders to see if
all is in balance.
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And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor
with God and men. Luke 2:52
The RPMS
Diving right
in to an RPMS
conversation
before a
relationship has
been established
could do just the
opposite of what
you are trying
to accomplish
with a leader: a
close, trusting
relationship.
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Chapter 5
Good Questions About Physical Balance
Mental
Another often-overlooked aspect of coaching is the
development of your leaders mind. One aspect of this
developmental process is to keep a good pulse on the
education of your leaders. What are they learning from the
Biblical teaching they have been exposed to? What are they
learning in their own times of Bible study or through their
small group? What does God want them to learn through the
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one another
Colossians 3:16 Teach and admonish one another
Ephesians 4:32 Be kind and compassionate to one
another, forgiving each other
Romans 12:16 Live in harmony with one another
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Chapter 5
Relational
Our relational world is the people with whom we interact
regularly: our immediate family, friends, neighbors, and
small group members. Getting to know your leaders means
getting to know their relational world.
Ray found himself at a loss when Steve shared about his job
loss. He wanted to ask Ray about how his wife was coping
with it and how he felt the kids would react, but he was
unsure what kind of relationship Steve had with his family
right now. Were they close? Had there been tension recently?
Ray prayed more deliberately for Steve that week than he
ever had. After a week in prayer, Ray felt more prepared to be
the friend and partner in discipleship that the role of coach
demanded of him. Ray was reminded of the RPMS that his
ministry director used regularly when they met together. Ray
decided to back up in his relationship with Steve and start all
over at the beginning. At their next meeting Ray began with
one question, How are things at home? The music ministry
was still demanding, rehearsal schedules still intense, but now
was the time for Ray to place the focus on Steve and ministry
would come second. It was obvious to Ray that Steve was
under a heavy load of stess as he struggled to give an answer
to Rays question about how things were at home. I wish he
would just let it all out, Ray thought during the pauses in
Steves response. When Steve nished it was obvious both
men werent satised with the thoroughness (or lack thereof)
of Steves answer. In that moment Ray felt prompted to try a
dierent approachto begin the conversation with his own
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Physical
What comes to mind when you think of someones physical
well-being? Maybe sickness and health? Maybe diet and
exercise? Maybe rest and pace? All of these things are
part of our physical well-being. The physical aspect of our
lives and ministry is the ability to have a balanced healthy
physical life. This is probably one of the most overlooked
aspects of a leaders life. However, if we are truly serious
about developing the whole person, we have got to help
our leaders see that our physical well being can aect our
ability to lead any given ministry with enthusiasm, passion,
and energy.
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