<a href="http://monsterhuntermoviereviews.

com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/2020-Te
xas-Gladiators-VHS-Cover.jpg"><img src="http://monsterhuntermoviereviews.com/wpcontent/uploads/2013/10/2020-Texas-Gladiators-VHS-Cover.jpg" alt="2020 Texas Gla
diators VHS Cover" width="212" height="375" class="alignright size-full wp-image
-2648" /></a>How did I know the post-apocalypse portrayed in this movie was real
ly, really post-apocalyptic? It wasn't all the raping or the killing or even the
leather-clad freaks on dirt bikes. That sort of stuff happens in every run-ofthe-mill <i>Mad Max</i> rip-off scenario.<p>
And all the ugly people fighting it out at cheap locations such as a refinery an
d rock quarries? That just means you woke up in either a Filipino or Italian-len
sed no-budget trashageddon.<p>
What really drove home the point that this was some serious apocalypse happening
here? The characters' names.<!--more--><p>
I'll confess that during the opening scenes of <i>2020 Texas Gladiators</i> I wa
s so relaxed by its pleasingly throbbing synthesizer music, the grubby guys kill
ing and assaulting people and the other group of grubby guys who show up to kill
the first group of grubby guys, it was like I was on some kind of Italian explo
itation film tranquilizer (warning - may cause the viewer to actually recognize
Peter Hooten, Al Cliver, and Daniel Stephen from other films). That's why I thou
ght I must have been experiencing another side-effect when I heard one guy call
another guy Catch Dog.<p>
Catch Dog? Seriously? How is it that Nisus doesn't laugh out loud when he has
to call his pal Catch Dog? And even worse, Catch Dog is discovered trying to rap
e a woman, which goes against the Code that his band of men live by?<p>
Can you imagine how outraged Jab, Red Wolfe, and Halakron are that Catch Dog (he
should be called Caught Dog from now on) is giving them all a bad name? Well,
you don't have to imagine because in a world where the only rule is to kill stuf
f, Nisus lays a beat down on him, tears off the special medallion he wears signi
fying his membership in the gang and declares Catch Dog an outcast!<p>
<a href="http://monsterhuntermoviereviews.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/2020-Te
xas-Gladiators-1.jpg"><img src="http://monsterhuntermoviereviews.com/wp-content/
uploads/2013/10/2020-Texas-Gladiators-1.jpg" alt="2020 Texas Gladiators 1" width
="575" height="444" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-2645" /></a>
Any moron who has lived through the end of the world a bunch of times via movies
such as this one has to know that letting Catch Dog go free is only going to co
me back bite you in your leather pants clad ass later on.<p>
But Nisus is different than everyone else. And by different, we of course mean
idiotic. The sexy blonde gal (her name naturally is Maida) he saved even tells
him that she can see it in his eyes. She doesn't actually out come and tell Nisu
s he's a dolt, but that she can tell by his eyes that he has feelings and has a
way that's trustworthy. And if you know anything about women, that's pretty much
them saying you're a dolt. Oh, and she also knows of a place where society is b
eing rebuilt by other dolts!<p>
Then, in a transition that is so abrupt that it can only be described as entirel
y nonexistent, the next thing we know, Nisus has traded in his post-apocalypse d
uds for bib overalls and is helping to manage a refinery! I thought the only goo
d thing about the end of the world was NOT having to go to a factory job!<p>
Life is good at the refinery for Nisus with his hot blonde lady (the world hasn'
t apparently gone far enough into the crapper that she can't still keep her hair
dyed), her child, and handling the day to day issues at work like trying to tur

n a valve before the whole place blows sky high! Nisus fixes things just in the
nick of time, but the end of civilization being what it is, there isn't much tim
e to celebrate because Catch Dog is launching an invasion!<p>
<a href="http://monsterhuntermoviereviews.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/2020-Te
xas-Gladiators-2.jpg"><img src="http://monsterhuntermoviereviews.com/wp-content/
uploads/2013/10/2020-Texas-Gladiators-2.jpg" alt="2020 Texas Gladiators 2" width
="575" height="448" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-2646" /></a>
Catch Dog and his motorcycle gang's takeover attempt is thwarted until the arriv
al of Black One and his evil military troops and their magic thermal bullet-proo
f shields!<p>
Nisus is shot, but survives because it hit a non-vital organ - his head! But fol
lowing him being forced to watch his woman get raped, he goes crazy with a mache
te in the middle of all the bad guys and I don't want to spoil anything, but the
rest of the movie details Jab, Red Wolfe and Halakron avenging him.<p>
If it doesn't sound like much of a story, a movie like <i>2020 Texas Gladiators<
/i> isn't really served with getting all bogged down in a story. The old order
has broken down! Rules of civilized society don't apply! There's not time to sit
around talking about what happened (there was a few passing references to an at
omic war) or just who all these people were and why they do what they do! After
all, Halakron is too busy crushing a guy's skull with a giant rock to make it lo
ok he died in an avalanche to shoot the breeze about plot points.<p>
Besides, if director Joe D'Amato (<i>Endgame</i>, <i>Beyond the Darkness</i>, <i
>Ator, The Fighting Eagle</i>) worried about luxuries like a story and character
motivation, he might not have had time for Halakron and his gang to suddenly st
art walking around in a forest inhabited by stereotyped-living-in-teepees-Native
Americans.<p>
<a href="http://monsterhuntermoviereviews.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/2020-Te
xas-Gladiators-3.jpg"><img src="http://monsterhuntermoviereviews.com/wp-content/
uploads/2013/10/2020-Texas-Gladiators-3.jpg" alt="2020 Texas Gladiators 3" width
="575" height="445" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-2647" /></a>
And then we would've been deprived of the final battle at the refinery where Hal
akron teamed up with the Indians to defeat the bad guy. You know, because the b
ad guy's bulletproof shields were no match for the spears and arrows of attackin
g Indians! I can only guess that the Indians' war paint had some super shaman po
wer to deflect bullets since you would expect them to just be mowed down by the
bad guys, but for some mysterious reason they weren't.<p>
As far as Italian post-apocalypse movies go, D'Amato serves up exactly what you
want here. Nothing made sense (you have technology for bulletproof thermal shie
lds, but you need to take over an oil refinery with the help of a biker gang?),
parts of the film felt like they were tacked on just to add more violence (Halak
ron and Jab getting imprisoned in a mine only to be broken out by Red Wolfe, a R
ussian Roulette scene, battle with the Indians before they joined up) and bad gu
ys laughed maniacally every now and again.<p>
D'Amato takes all of these deficits that would sink a normal movie and basically
says "you can criticize me for my total lack of skill at constructing a profess
ional-looking, coherent film or you can just sit back and enjoy this guy getting
an axe heaved into his chest." And remember, D'Amato is credited with directing
200 films of varying degrees of sleaze. So who would you put your faith in? Him
or some snooty critic who's never shot one scene of a guy getting impaled with
a machete, let alone hundreds?

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