Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of

society.others,however,believe that school is the place to learm this.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is believed by classes of people that its it is athe responsibility of parents to show the way of
becoming a positive member of society to their children, ; on the other hand, there is another
group of people who think children can better learn these skills better at school.
Some people believe that parents are most accessible resources of information for their
children and affect them more efficiently. parents are emotionally and physically close to the
children and can dedicate most of their time to on training their children because these people
think no one would care about children of others more than his /herthem owns. Moreover, in
their point of view, father or mother of a child has a better knowledge of his or her child and
can easily direct the child so that he they can become helpful for his society and not imposinge
more difficulties to the society. One of the best actions a parent could take regarding this
training issue is to use multi medias like training videos and Cds.
On the other handHowever, some people think in contrast. This group believes although
parents are effective in training people but , most of their time is not spend spent with on their
children and is spent at work. sotherefore, they think places where children spend most of their
time can be more influential. For example, a student who spends 10 hours a day could be
better taught by his their teacher rather than his father or maother. Furthermore, teachers
have better access to training tools and educational resources.

Comment [Afarinesh1]: Use THEY instead of

HE/SHE
Comment [Afarinesh2]: Both sides of AND, the
structures must be parallel
Comment [Afarinesh3]: Media is the plural
form of MEDIUM
Comment [Afarinesh4]: Not a good topic
sentence. Every paragraph must have a separate
topic sentence. Try not to refer back.
Comment [Afarinesh5]: SO is informal

In my opinion, it is obvious that school is a better place for preparing children to be an effective
and positive part of their society. Because children can see and be in touch with many other
classmates and friends of their own that are better reflective of their future society. For an
instance, I remember that we had different committees at school which prepared us for
accepting responsibilities in future. Today I am sure that it has really been effective in how
successful I am in my job.
To sum up, we should consider people have different ideas about how children can be taught to
be good for their society some people believe parents are better option to do this and others
believe schools have more capacity to fulfill this need. we one should try to bring up their
children how they can be helpful for their communities by making the best decisions.

Good paragraphing. Still you can boost your cohesion. Try to use more complex structures, say,
coordination and subordination in your sentences. Also be more careful when using new words.
You have many slight problems in applying vocabulary.

Comment [Afarinesh6]: Try to make it more

impersonal!

The pie chart shows the most important elements which caused less productivity of the
agricultural lands .it is clearly seen that over-grazing,deforestation and over cultivation have
had the highest portion .The table is comparing how these factors have influenced three
regions of the world.it is obvious that Europe has been badly affected and lost the highest
portion of its lands followed by Ocenia and North America.
As the pie chart shows over-grazing had the highest portion in causing land degradation and it
was 35% of all.it is closely followed by deforestation which has less portion of 30%. Just more
than a quarter of worldwide land degradation was caused by over cultivation(28%). Other
reasons for land degredation were less effective and were around 7%.
From the table it could be seen that deforestation has mostly affected Europe and they lost
around 10% of their lands whilst Oceania and north America were less affected by
deforestation.over cultivation was the main reason for losing lands in Europe whilst Oceania
was not affected by this at all.on the other hand over grazing was the main reason of losing
land in Oceania(11.3%) which was followed by Europe and North America. Europe lost just less
than a quarter of its land and Oceania lost about 13%. North America lost the least amount
which was about 5%.
In conclusion , it is seen that overgrazing was the main reason of land degradation in the world
and Europe lost the highest portion of its land due to these reasons.
Great report on Task I.

Estimated Band Score: 7

You have a good style in writing reports on task I. It saves your band score. Work more on
your task II.