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NTV 2012
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Barriers to responding
Its often our doubts, hesitations and fears that prevent us from responding, more so than trying to figure
out what to say. When the moment arrives, we can become flooded with thoughts and emotions, and its
important to know what they are for each of us. A whole lot of issues might affect how we think and feel
in these moments, and sometimes we can identify our patterned inner responses that get in the way of
speaking up.
Some of the most common and impacting barriers are:
- fear of losing social group identity and our social relationships, and of not fitting in*,
- fear of losing friendships,
- desire to be liked,
- dislike of conflict, and desire to avoid tension,
- the risk of being dismissed as a lefty, greenie or a guardian of politically correct speech,
- the perception that action would not be effective having low self-confidence of being able to say the
right thing, or lack of confidence that saying the right thing will make a difference,
- not wanting to judge, or be seen as judging, the person who made the joke or comment,
- managing the anxiety and nervousness associated with responding, and
- hesitation due to self-realisation of not being squeaky clean in how one treats women a feeling of
hypocrisy in responding to others when one has work to do on oneself.
* The Australian anti-racism scholar Bernard Guerin writes about the
social functions of peoples everyday racist talk. He suggests that people
make racist comments, in part, as a way of confirming their membership
of a social group of peers, based on perceived attitudes concerning racism,
nationalism, socio-political values, etc. Challenging a racist joke or
comment can be a big ask in this context, as the person would need to
overcome their fear of being seen as someone who does not fit in with the
group and of risking their sense of belonging (and in some circumstances,
this fear might be warranted).
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It is important that you are sensitive to and aware of the barriers that apply to you. This will enable you to
predict these barriers, and to think about how to counter them. Reflecting on these barriers and making
plans to address them can help you to respond next time you encounter a relevant situation.
What happened last time when you had an opportunity to respond? What thoughts and feelings came up
for you? What things made you hesitate?
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* A response like this makes it obvious that you are not comfortable with what
is being said, and communicates that the persons joke or comment reflects
attitudes or opinions that are becoming outdated. Through this, you are helping
to establish perceptions of more positive social norms, and reframing the
persons joke or comment as something thats no longer reflecting current
opinions.
Good luck! It can help to have a friend or colleague to share your experiences with, to reflect on your
efforts to speak up, and to support each other.
If you miss an opportunity to speak up, or let it pass because of nervousness or other barriers, dont be
too hard on yourself. Learn from the experience, and use it to prepare for next time.
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This resource was originally developed for the Western Region Health Centre
(Melbourne) by No To Violence Male Family Violence Prevention Association.
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