Panganiban 1

Aimee Panganiban
John Kubler
English 115
16 October 2014
He Says, She Says
Relationships form when two people develop feelings and grow fond of each other. They
spend time together, are there for each other, and love each other. Through ethnography and
careful study, this gives us the opportunity to closely analyze various couples from their actions
and the way they behave. The couple I chose to observe was my parents who spent their evening
together watching a show on TV in the living room.
My parents like to relax after a long day at work. They usually spend their time watching
TV after dinner. I began to observe them as they began to watch. My dad was sitting down on
the couch as my mom was closely leaning next to him. This had lasted for about a couple of
minutes until my mom told my dad that the dishes we had used during dinner were all over the
sink. My dad then got up and washed the dishes. After he was done, my mom then complained
that the table was also dirty and that it also had to be cleaned. Not refusing once again, my dad
then cleaned the table. Knowing my parents, I believe that my mom is the dominant one in their
relationship/marriage. Once she asks my dad to do something, he does it. He would rather do the
things she would ask him to do than have her constantly pester and complain. Based on this
situation, it is difficult to really choose who is more in love. However, it does seem like my dad
is more in love because he would rather see her happy and content instead of being disappointed
and bitter. After the observation, I interviewed them.
For the most part, their answers were similar, which was what I had predicted. For
example they believed Nicki Minaj and Miley Cyrus performances were inappropriate.

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Both my parents agreed that my mom was the more dominant figure in their relationship.
However it was my dad that made the first move. In addition, they both disagreed that women
were portraying themselves as sexual objects when they dressed up in short skirts and tight
dresses. They stated that it seemed to be the dress code when it came to these types of settings.
They both believed that women should be able to fight alongside men in the army. They did not
want prostitution legal in Los Angeles. However my parents had different opinions, when it
came to the topic on whether females should be able to compete with men in the Olympics, my
dad had disagreed explaining that men are generally known to be much more physically stronger
than women. My mom argued that they should, as both men and women are equal. When I
showed them the photo of the advertisement, they both believed that the men were the more
dominant characters because there are two of them. They explained that the story behind the ad
was that they had used attractive people to lure in people to buy the purse the woman is holding.
Overall, my prediction that my mom is the dominant figure in the relationship was true.
My parents had also agreed. Before the interview, I thought that they would have the same
opinions regarding on the topics about gender and sexuality. I was surprised when they both had
different opinions. After observing and interviewing my parents, I then interviewed five different
couples.
Out of the five couples I had interviewed, only one couple lives together. All five couples
spend the weekends together. Three out of the five couples spend more than four hours together
every day. All five couples usually spend their time together eating out or watching a movie.
Two couples explained that they both decide on where they go on dates. One couple said the
boyfriend decides. Another couple said the girlfriend decides. The fifth couple explained that the
girlfriend would decide on where to eat, when it came to various activities, the boyfriend chose.

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In addition, when it came to the question on who made the first move, four of the couples said
their boyfriend was the one who had made the first move. One couple had no clear answer as
they believed they personally were the ones who made the first move. Most of the couples
explained that their relationship happened because they were both mutually interested in each
other. When it came to the topic on who was more dominant in the relationship, the males in
three of the couples believed they were the dominant ones. The females in the other two
relationships believed there is no dominant person. However their boyfriends believed they were
the dominant person in the relationship. Asking about the Olympics, three couples agreed that
they should as both men and women are equal. Two couples disagreed saying that men should
compete with men and women with women. Three couples did not mind if women were to go
topless at the beach. Two couples disagreed. Some of the reasons were that women already
expose their selves enough and that being a public place, it would be inappropriate for children
to see. There were also topics in which all five couples had the same answer.
All five couples believed Miley Cyrus and Nicki Minajs performances are inappropriate.
One female stated that they are just exploiting themselves. One male stated that they are
degrading themselves. All five couples gave the same answer when it came to the topic of
whether short-shorts should be allowed in school and if women portrayed themselves as sexual
objects when they wore tight dresses. They all said no, saying that it is simply what the woman
wants to wear and has no connection to being a sexual object. When it came to the topic of
legalizing prostitution, only one man said yes explaining that it would financially help the city.
When I showed the couples the advertisement, only one man believed that the males were the
dominant figures. Some of the stories they interpreted from the ad was that the woman is in
control of the men because she is being carried and that it is an advertisement for perfume or a

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purse. The common answers the five couples said regarding true love explained that it is possible
only when you are accepting, understanding, and trusting towards each other. The interviews
made me realize and learn new things regarding relationships.
Overall, there seems to be no connection of empowerment between the couples
themselves and on the advertisements. Most of the boyfriends believed they were the dominant
person in the relationship. However, in the advertisement, only one person believed the males
were the dominant figures. For the most part, it does seem there is a connection between the
couples views on the various topics brought up. Most believed that both men and women are
equal. There also does seem to be a connection between their opinions on womens rights and
equality in their relationship because the couples explained they generally have a mutual
agreement when deciding on where to go for dates. There also does seem to be a connection
between what they believe makes love genuine. The couples are all for equality and mutuality
which is evident in their answers. I learned that out of the couples I had interviewed, it seems
that the males usually make the first move and take the lead in a relationship. A relationship
forms as feelings grow and becomes stronger as they understand, care, and love each other.