Cosmic

Coupling
•

T HE SE X T R O L O GY O F R EL AT ION SHIP S

Starsky + Cox

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 Copyright © 2009 by Wheel Atelier Inc.

All rights reserved.

Published in the United States by Three Rivers Press, an imprint of the Crown
Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.
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Three Rivers Press and the Tugboat design are registered trademarks of
Random House, Inc.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

ISBN 978- 0-307-33796-2

Printed in the United States of America

Design by Jennifer Daddio and Elina Nudelman

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 contents

Introduction 2 Aries Man + Libra Man the contest 42

Aries Woman + Libra Woman the cotillion 43

Aries + Aries Aries + Scorpio

Aries Man + Aries Woman the ultimate 4 Aries Man + Scorpio Woman the riddle 44

Aries Man + Aries Man the unspoken 6 Aries Woman + Scorpio Man the rite 46

Aries Woman + Aries Woman the urge 7 Aries Man + Scorpio Man the rub 48
Aries Woman + Scorpio Woman the rush 49

Aries + Taurus
Aries Man + Taurus Woman the classic 8
Aries + Sagittarius
Aries Man + Sagittarius Woman the escapade 50
Aries Woman + Taurus Man the counterpoint 10
Aries Woman + Sagittarius Man the élan 52
Aries Man + Taurus Man the clash 12
Aries Man + Sagittarius Man the extreme 54
Aries Woman + Taurus Woman the crush 13
Aries Woman + Sagittarius Woman the event 55

Aries + Gemini Aries + Capricorn

Aries Man + Gemini Woman the heat 14
Aries Man + Capricorn Woman the crusade 56
Aries Woman + Gemini Man the happening 16
Aries Woman + Capricorn Man the crossroads 58
Aries Man + Gemini Man the hunger 18
Aries Man + Capricorn Man the conduit 60
Aries Woman + Gemini Woman the hype 19
Aries Woman + Capricorn Woman the core 61

Aries + Cancer Aries + Aquarius

Aries Man + Cancer Woman the fairytale 20 Aries Man + Aquarius Woman the anomaly 62
Aries Woman + Cancer Man the fix 22 Aries Woman + Aquarius Man the analogy 64
Aries Man + Cancer Man the failsafe 24 Aries Man + Aquarius Man the association 66
Aries Woman + Cancer Woman the foray 25 Aries Woman + Aquarius Woman the alcove 67

Aries + Leo Aries + Pisces

Aries Man + Leo Woman the glow 26 Aries Man + Pisces Woman the reverie 68
Aries Woman + Leo Man the gold 28 Aries Woman + Pisces Man the refuge 70
Aries Man + Leo Man the grabbag 30 Aries Man + Pisces Man the realness 72
Aries Woman + Leo Woman the guild 31 Aries Woman + Pisces Woman the residence 73

Aries + Virgo
Aries Man + Virgo Woman the puzzle 32 Taurus + Taurus
Aries Woman + Virgo Man the pact 34 Taurus Man + Taurus Woman the front 74
Aries Man + Virgo Man the plot 36 Taurus Man + Taurus Man the freehold 76
Aries Woman + Virgo Woman the project 37 Taurus Woman + Taurus Woman the fold 77

Aries + Libra Taurus + Gemini

Aries Man + Libra Woman the compound 38 Taurus Man + Gemini Woman the camp 78
Aries Woman + Libra Man the complement 40 Taurus Woman + Gemini Man the courtship 80 N

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 Taurus Man + Gemini Man the co-op 82 Taurus + Pisces
Taurus Woman + Gemini Woman the clatch 83 Taurus Man + Pisces Woman the winner 132
Taurus Woman + Pisces Man the wonder 134
Taurus + Cancer Taurus Man + Pisces Man the would-be 136
Taurus Man + Cancer Woman the purpose 84 Taurus Woman + Pisces Woman the well-being 137
Taurus Woman + Cancer Man the package 86
Taurus Man + Cancer Man the posture 88
Taurus Woman + Cancer Woman the practice 89 Gemini + Gemini
Gemini Man + Gemini Woman the hive 138
Taurus + Leo Gemini Man + Gemini Man the hotbed 140
Taurus Man + Leo Woman the imprint 90 Gemini Woman + Gemini Woman the home depot 141
Taurus Woman + Leo Man the item 92
Taurus Man + Leo Man the itch 94 Gemini + Cancer
Taurus Woman + Leo Woman the industry 95 Gemini Man + Cancer Woman the test 142
Gemini Woman + Cancer Man the trade 144
Taurus + Virgo Gemini Man + Cancer Man the tryst 146
Taurus Man + Virgo Woman the mother lode 96 Gemini Woman + Cancer Woman the tirade 147
Taurus Woman + Virgo Man the mandate 98
Taurus Man + Virgo Man the maneuver 100 Gemini + Leo
Taurus Woman + Virgo Woman the match 101 Gemini Man + Leo Woman the boon 148
Gemini Woman + Leo Man the booty 150

Taurus + Libra Gemini Man + Leo Man the boast 152

Taurus Man + Libra Woman the beauty 102 Gemini Woman + Leo Woman the blast 153

Taurus Woman + Libra Man the breeze 104

Taurus Man + Libra Man the break 106
Gemini + Virgo
Gemini Man + Virgo Woman the parity 154
Taurus Woman + Libra Woman the benefit 107
Gemini Woman + Virgo Man the push 156
Gemini Man + Virgo Man the particular 158
Taurus + Scorpio
Gemini Woman + Virgo Woman the palimsest 159
Taurus Man + Scorpio Woman the lab 108
Taurus Woman + Scorpio Man the lure 110
Gemini + Libra
Taurus Man + Scorpio Man the leap 112
Gemini Man + Libra Woman the groove 160
Taurus Woman + Scorpio Woman the limit 113
Gemini Woman + Libra Man the gravytrain 162
Gemini Man + Libra Man the gas 164
Taurus + Sagittarius Gemini Woman + Libra Woman the glom 165
Taurus Man + Sagittarius Woman the thrill 114
Taurus Woman + Sagittarius Man the trip 116 Gemini + Scorpio
Taurus Man + Sagittarius Man the trance 118 Gemini Man + Scorpio Woman the web 166
Taurus Woman + Sagittarius Woman the trust 119 Gemini Woman + Scorpio Man the whodunit 168
Gemini Man + Scorpio Man the work 170
Taurus + Capricorn Gemini Woman + Scorpio Woman the wunderkind 171
Taurus Man + Capricorn Woman the understanding 120
Taurus Woman + Capricorn Man the upside 122 Gemini + Sagittarius
Taurus Man + Capricorn Man the usual 124 Gemini Man + Sagittarius Woman the reflex 172
Taurus Woman + Capricorn Woman the utmost 125 Gemini Woman + Sagittarius Man the reflection 174
Gemini Man + Sagittarius Man the riot 176
Taurus + Aquarius Gemini Woman + Sagittarius Woman the rally 177
Taurus Man + Aquarius Woman the method 126
Taurus Woman + Aquarius Man the mission 128 Gemini + Capricorn
Taurus Man + Aquarius Man the moment 130 Gemini Man + Capricorn Woman the operation 178
N Taurus Woman + Aquarius Woman the miscellany 131 Gemini Woman + Capricorn Man the opacity 180

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 Gemini Man + Capricorn Man the obvious 182 Cancer + Capricorn
Gemini Woman + Capricorn Woman the ovation 183 Cancer Man + Capricorn Woman the approach 230
Cancer Woman + Capricorn Man the apex 232
Gemini + Aquarius Cancer Man + Capricorn Man the alternative 234
Gemini Man + Aquarius Woman the jollies 184 Cancer Woman + Capricorn Woman the antimatter 235
Gemini Woman + Aquarius Man the jigger 186
Gemini Man + Aquarius Man the jest 188 Cancer + Aquarius
Gemini Woman + Aquarius Woman the jamboree 189 Cancer Man + Aquarius Woman the awakening 236
Cancer Woman + Aquarius Man the asylum 238
Gemini + Pisces Cancer Man + Aquarius Man the academy 240
Gemini Man + Pisces Woman the mirage 190 Cancer Woman + Aquarius Woman the atelier 241
Gemini Woman + Pisces Man the machine 192
Gemini Man + Pisces Man the maelstrom 194 Cancer + Pisces
Gemini Woman + Pisces Woman the modus operandi 195 Cancer Man + Pisces Woman the idyll 242
Cancer Woman + Pisces Man the infusion 244
Cancer Man + Pisces Man the insulation 246

Cancer + Cancer Cancer Woman + Pisces Woman the idiom 247

Cancer Man + Cancer Woman the levee 196

Cancer Man + Cancer Man the landed 198
Cancer Woman + Cancer Woman the locker 199 Leo + Leo
Leo Man + Leo Woman the pride 248

Cancer + Leo Leo Man + Leo Man the prowess 250

Cancer Man + Leo Woman the fealty 200 Leo Woman + Leo Woman the panacea 251

Cancer Woman + Leo Man the force 202

Cancer Man + Leo Man the fief 204
Leo + Virgo
Leo Man + Virgo Woman the calling 252
Cancer Woman + Leo Woman the felicitation 205
Leo Woman + Virgo Man the catch 254
Leo Man + Virgo Man the confines 256
Cancer + Virgo
Leo Woman + Virgo Woman the confidence 257
Cancer Man + Virgo Woman the cache 206
Cancer Woman + Virgo Man the cinch 208
Leo + Libra
Cancer Man + Virgo Man the club 210
Leo Man + Libra Woman the balm 258
Cancer Woman + Virgo Woman the coven 211
Leo Woman + Libra Man the balance 260
Leo Man + Libra Man the brink 262
Cancer + Libra Leo Woman + Libra Woman the board 263
Cancer Man + Libra Woman the finery 212
Cancer Woman + Libra Man the funhouse 214 Leo + Scorpio
Cancer Man + Libra Man the firm 216 Leo Man + Scorpio Woman the feast 264
Cancer Woman + Libra Woman the fast 217 Leo Woman + Scorpio Man the funk 266
Leo Man + Scorpio Man the feel 268
Cancer + Scorpio Leo Woman + Scorpio Woman the favor 269
Cancer Man + Scorpio Woman the bower 218
Cancer Woman + Scorpio Man the bunker 220 Leo + Sagittarius
Cancer Man + Scorpio Man the burg 222 Leo Man + Sagittarius Woman the span 270
Cancer Woman + Scorpio Woman the be-in 223 Leo Woman + Sagittarius Man the stretch 272
Leo Man + Sagittarius Man the salute 274
Cancer + Sagittarius Leo Woman + Sagittarius Woman the spectacle 275
Cancer Man + Sagittarius Woman the inlet 224
Cancer Woman + Sagittarius Man the intensity 226 Leo + Capricorn
Cancer Man + Sagittarius Man the ignition 228 Leo Man + Capricorn Woman the configuration 276
Cancer Woman + Sagittarius Woman the initiation 229 Leo Woman + Capricorn Man the collateral 278 N

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 Leo Man + Capricorn Man the curiosity 280 Virgo + Pisces
Leo Woman + Capricorn Woman the cut 281 Virgo Man + Pisces Woman the supposition 328
Virgo Woman + Pisces Man the supplication 330
Leo + Aquarius Virgo Man + Pisces Man the surge 332
Leo Man + Aquarius Woman the living-end 282 Virgo Woman + Pisces Woman the splurge 333
Leo Woman + Aquarius Man the lift 284
Leo Man + Aquarius Man the lark 286
Leo Woman + Aquarius Woman the lamp 287 Libra + Libra
Libra Man + Libra Woman the light 334
Leo + Pisces Libra Man + Libra Man the line 336
Leo Man + Pisces Woman the realm 288 Libra Woman + Libra Woman the law 337
Leo Woman + Pisces Man the roll-out 290
Leo Man + Pisces Man the rave 292 Libra + Scorpio
Leo Woman + Pisces Woman the range 293 Libra Man + Scorpio Woman the ephemeron 338
Libra Woman + Scorpio Man the epitome 340
Libra Man + Scorpio Man the epicenter 342
Virgo + Virgo Libra Woman + Scorpio Woman the epilogue 343
Virgo Man + Virgo Woman the factory 294
Virgo Man + Virgo Man the framework 296
Libra + Sagittarius
Virgo Woman + Virgo Woman the forum 297
Libra Man + Sagittarius Woman the riches 344
Libra Woman + Sagittarius Man the reason 346

Virgo + Libra Libra Man + Sagittarius Man the rhythm 348

Virgo Man + Libra Woman the production 298

Libra Woman + Sagittarius Woman the ride 349

Virgo Woman + Libra Man the proof 300

Virgo Man + Libra Man the party 302
Libra + Capricorn
Libra Man + Capricorn Woman the dynasty 350
Virgo Woman + Libra Woman the pass 303
Libra Woman + Capricorn Man the dynamic 352
Libra Man + Capricorn Man the dignity 354
Virgo + Scorpio
Libra Woman + Capricorn Woman the distance 355
Virgo Man + Scorpio Woman the superiority 304
Virgo Woman + Scorpio Man the seduction 306
Libra + Aquarius
Virgo Man + Scorpio Man the scrutiny 308
Libra Man + Aquarius Woman the jury 356
Virgo Woman + Scorpio Woman the scandal 309
Libra Woman + Aquarius Man the jewel 358
Libra Man + Aquarius Man the jeté 360
Virgo + Sagittarius Libra Woman + Aquarius Woman the juice 361
Virgo Man + Sagittarius Woman the climb 310
Virgo Woman + Sagittarius Man the close 312 Libra + Pisces
Virgo Man + Sagittarius Man the cruise 314 Libra Man + Pisces Woman the art 362
Virgo Woman + Sagittarius Woman the cabal 315 Libra Woman + Pisces Man the articulation 364
Libra Man + Pisces Man the act 366
Virgo + Capricorn Libra Woman + Pisces Woman the assessment 367
Virgo Man + Capricorn Woman the assignation 316
Virgo Woman + Capricorn Man the ascension 318
Virgo Man + Capricorn Man the access 320 Scorpio + Scorpio
Virgo Woman + Capricorn Woman the acknowledgment 321 Scorpio Man + Scorpio Woman the possession 368
Scorpio Man + Scorpio Man the preoccupation 370
Virgo + Aquarius Scorpio Woman + Scorpio Woman the peak 371
Virgo Man + Aquarius Woman the situation 322
Virgo Woman + Aquarius Man the service 324 Scorpio + Sagittarius
Virgo Man + Aquarius Man the sensation 326 Scorpio Man + Sagittarius Woman the studio 372
N Virgo Woman + Aquarius Woman the stuff 327 Scorpio Woman + Sagittarius Man the sticker 374

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 Scorpio Man + Sagittarius Man the stint 376 Sagittarius Man + Pisces Man the rapport 416
Scorpio Woman + Sagittarius Woman the study 377 Sagittarius Woman + Pisces Woman the respite 417

Scorpio + Capricorn
Scorpio Man + Capricorn Woman the complex 378
Capricorn + Capricorn
Capricorn Man + Capricorn Woman the view 418
Scorpio Woman + Capricorn Man the context 380
Capricorn Man + Capricorn Man the vault 420
Scorpio Man + Capricorn Man the council 382
Capricorn Woman + Capricorn Woman the vogue 421
Scorpio Woman + Capricorn Woman the control 383

Capricorn + Aquarius
Scorpio + Aquarius Capricorn Man + Aquarius Woman the hotbed 422
Scorpio Man + Aquarius Woman the advantage 384
Capricorn Woman + Aquarius Man the hold 424
Scorpio Woman + Aquarius Man the accolade 386
Capricorn Man + Aquarius Man the hitch 426
Scorpio Man + Aquarius Man the antithesis 388
Capricorn Woman + Aquarius Woman the hamper 427
Scorpio Woman + Aquarius Woman the accident 389

Capricorn + Pisces
Scorpio + Pisces Capricorn Man + Pisces Woman the choice 428
Scorpio Man + Pisces Woman the issue 390 Capricorn Woman + Pisces Man the check 430
Scorpio Woman + Pisces Man the installation 392 Capricorn Man + Pisces Man the cheek 432
Scorpio Man + Pisces Man the insinuation 394 Capricorn Woman + Pisces Woman the chic 433
Scorpio Woman + Pisces Woman the isostasy 395

Aquarius + Aquarius
Sagittarius + Sagittarius Aquarius Man + Aquarius Woman the humanity 434
Sagittarius Man + Sagittarius Woman the olympics 396 Aquarius Man + Aquarius Man the heights 436
Sagittarius Man + Sagittarius Man the optimum 398 Aquarius Woman + Aquarius Woman the hollow 437
Sagittarius Woman + Sagittarius Woman the open 399
Aquarius + Pisces
Sagittarius + Capricorn Aquarius Man + Pisces Woman the redress 438
Sagittarius Man + Capricorn Woman the emphasis 400 Aquarius Woman + Pisces Man the reveal 440
Sagittarius Woman + Capricorn Man the emergency 402 Aquarius Man + Pisces Man the resonance 442
Sagittarius Man + Capricorn Man the extremity 404 Aquarius Woman + Pisces Woman the reel 443
Sagittarius Woman + Capricorn Woman the exemption 405

Sagittarius + Aquarius Pisces + Pisces

Sagittarius Man + Aquarius Woman the incubator 406 Pisces Man + Pisces Woman the pietà 444
Sagittarius Woman + Aquarius Man the intelligencer 408 Pisces Man + Pisces Man the pier 446
Sagittarius Man + Aquarius Man the instigation 410 Pisces Woman + Pisces Woman the piety 447
Sagittarius Woman + Aquarius Woman the insurgence 411

Sagittarius + Pisces
Sagittarius Man + Pisces Woman the resistance 412
Sagittarius Woman + Pisces Man the reliance 414

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 introduction

With our first book, Sextrology, subtitled The Astrology of Sex and the Sexes, we put forth the notion that
men and women of the same sign were actually quite different from one another, and focused, thus,
on the twenty-four gender signs in the zodiac, outlining in considerable detail each one’s archetypal,
psychological, emotional, physical, and sexual natures, managing to break new ground in the field of
this starry science, even within the parameters of sun-sign analysis. And though our beloved readers
have expressed untold appreciation for the material we laid down in that “red bible,” as many have
called Sextrology, there was an almost immediate outcry for more information on, and insight into,
specific relationships, something we touched upon only briefly, in encapsulated form, at the end of
each of Sextrology’s chapters. Indeed, many a reader considered these relationship blurbs as “coming
attractions,” of sorts, presaging a second book, which wasn’t our original intention. Actually, the
second book we had in mind was one that explained the practicality of our original astrological
philosophy, something we have employed in our private consultations and long hinted at in our live
appearances (pin in that one for the time being).
Naturally, the last thing we wanted to do was ignore the requests of our rabid readers, and so
the concept for Cosmic Coupling was born. Though this book takes the 24 characters in Sextrology and
combines them with one another into every possible relationship, gay and straight, Cosmic Coupling
stands very much on its own. There are 300 possible relationship pairings in the zodiac, 144 hetero-
sexual, and 156 gay and lesbian couples, 78 each. We therefore envisoned and proposed a 600-page
book, a two-page spread per combination; but the powers that be thought that was too unwieldy a
tome, and so our gay and lesbian friends, of which we have innumerable, were given one page each.
But fear not. We did our damnedest to hit all the same marks in those chapters as in the straight
ones. And who knows, maybe our gay readers will have their own Starsky + Cox book one day and
N end up getting the lion’s share of attention after all. Anyway, herein, all the chapters are necessarily

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 short. Still, whereas in Sextrology, we dedicated twenty-some pages to any given gender sign, Virgo
man, let’s say, here, in Cosmic Coupling, he has nearly forty pages to indulge his self-curiosity. Other-
wise, there is the rest of the book via which to satisfy his signature voyeuristic streak, not being the
only individual to boast one.
Indeed, in this book, each sign’s secret, and sometimes not-so-secret, desires are revealed in relation-
ship to every other sign. And though we didn’t have the luxury of endless space to go into great arche-
typal and psychological detail, we did try to illustrate each of the zodiacal figures, all of us, as much as
possible from that more academic perspective, one which seems to have resonated so strongly with our
audience. For those of you who glazed over such material in Sextrology, thinking myth-schmyth when
we waxed more metaphorical, if not metaphysical, anxious to get to the naughtier bits: well, you’ll be
pleased that in this volume you have less lofty musings to wade through. There is nary time to waste,
herein, tackling so vast a landscape of love and lust, via the stars, and we hope you’ll find, too, that there
is little room for error. It was our intention to live up to the reputation you’ve bestowed upon us for
being at turns high- and low-minded, smart and funny, timely and time-honoring, spiritually motivat-
ing and sexually candid, none such pairings of opposites being mutually exclusive but rather essential
components in the paradoxical nature of all things, personal relationships included.
Just as we seek to enlighten, remember that we wish to entertain you as well. Perhaps even more
so than our first book, Cosmic Coupling lends itself to hours of jolly recitation in the company of
intimates or those one hopes to draw closer. Even when a skeptical someone of a certain sign (per-
haps that Virgo man) exclaims, “I’ve never done that,” when hearing the nitty-gritty details of his
partnering with a past or present lover, keep in mind that, chances are, he either secretly desires to
engage in such activities or else maybe he should. We respect the fact that ours is a sophisticated
readership and that you needn’t have text sugarcoated in order to ingest it. That said, we did try
to employ original turns of phrase to soften the impact of more shocking information, hoping to
inspire laughter, titillation, and/or revulsion in equal measure. Sex shouldn’t be some weighty taboo
subject, nor should it become so great a preoccupation, either. It is of course a core element of our
natures and the very impetus to life, while its more divergent themes and variations thereupon are
endlessly fascinating. To be fair, our dear, discriminating Virgo should know that not every shred of
analysis is going to hit the nail on the head; rather, when we assert a certain sexual activity is a Virgo
proclivity, that is to say that of all the signs, his is most likely to undertake it— not that every one of
his number will. We are still working within the general scope of sun-sign astrology here and can’t be
as exacting, on any subject, as we are when interpreting an individual’s own birth chart. And yet our
empirical approach to astrology as it applies, in our first two books, now, to sex (gender) and sexual-
ity has, as our readers have expressed, been on target a great percentage of the time. And so, just as we
were so pleased to have brought to life the twenty-four sex signs of the zodiac in Sextrology, here we are
likewise proud to have illustrated just what happens when all these gorgeous characters are let loose
on one another. We hope our celestial survey of relationships brings a twinkle, twinkle to your eyes. N

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 GEMINI MAN + AQUARIUS WOMAN

the jollies

CHEMISTRY

Gemini has never encountered a more receptive girl than the Aquarian. She is warm and open, even
to his silly pickup lines, laughing gaily at his jokes, and returning his quips. He sees this creature,
infamously lit from within, who seems to have nary a mean-spirited bone in her body. Indeed,
Aquarius is fun loving and she, of all women, is attracted to Gemini’s prankish demeanor, just as
she is sent shivers by his signature mischievous smile and eyes. Aquarius is big “into energy,” while
good looks don’t hurt, either. Gemini man is a force of nature— an electrical storm wrapped in a
comely, typically compact package. Aquarius lives her life as in an eternal childhood— this girl, more
than any, just wants to kick up her heels. Gemini strikes her as the kind of guy who would not only
applaud her running away to join the circus but also tag right along with her. More than anything, it’s
a pal, a playmate, that Gemini seeks for a long-term relationship. In the Aquarius he envisions some-
one with whom he can share his whole life, not just intersect with this point or that. He is, in effect,
looking for his female twin. With him, the Waterbearer feels certain she’s found true romance. She
often has had her fair share of jaded guys— so Gemini can be a real breath of fresh air.

C O MPATIBILIT Y

Aquarius is typically attracted to off-the-grid guys, which sees her landing some real losers. The
Twins is a streetwise character who enjoys bucking the system, if not mainstream society, in his
own harmless ways, but he’s rarely a misanthrope. He may be a biker, but he’ll still have a bankroll.
And he prides himself on providing for his lady, even if she’s the one trailing a fortune. Though a
creature of habit in many ways, Gemini likes to try new things, within reach— restaurants, vaca-
tion spots, sports, and so on. Aquarius will be right by his side. She is game even if she hasn’t got
it (she can be gawky). Aquarius rules Gemini’s cosmic 9th house of aspirations, particularly those
relating to cultural exposure, travel, and otherwise expanding one’s mind via experience. Indeed, the
Waterbearer helps to lift Gemini outside his usual Habitrail, not only opening his mind to diverse
influences but helping him shift beyond his garden gate, extended family, and dusty cadre of cronies.
There is a shamanistic quality to the 9th house, and quirky Aquarius will support Gemini, especially
in his most far-out spiritual or intellectual vision quests. Gemini has great power of positive thinking,
N which often goes untapped. Aquarius helps him plug into it. In turn, Gemini governs Aquarius’ 5th

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 house of creativity, fun, and love affairs. To her this relationship feels like her first crush, in forever
mode. It provides her a wholesome sense of adventure, even in enjoying life’s little pleasures. And
because this astrological house rules real and metaphoric creativity, Aquarius, not the most maternally
instinctive of women, is especially broody, wanting to reproduce, just as she’s more likely to breathe
life into artistic brainchildren. If and when this relationship breaks up, it can be most devastating
for her.

CARNALIT Y

Aquarius can’t seem to get enough of her Gemini man. He’s the king of the quickies, and she, too,
learns to enjoy a lot of little sex rather than infrequent major freak sessions. She tends to be kinkier
than he is, but so long as she keeps that slightly under wraps, he’s happy to indulge her in the privacy
of their own love shack. She would even do well to feign never having explored her wackier fantasies
until meeting the Gemini man, making him feel worthy of her trust. At the very least she should
play down past experiences. Gemini has a dual madonna-whore dynamic going on with women. He
likes to think he’s getting the former and creating the latter. For Waterbearers seeking advice: What
Gemini doesn’t know will never kill him. But it’s hard for this fellow, whose sign motto is “I think,”
to get images out of his head. Not that he’s so vanilla flavored. For starters, he will easily indulge
in a bit of bondage. All Geminis fancy themselves swashbuckling pirates so he may enjoy putting
his Aquarian wench in irons. Teasing activities and mind games are always fun for the Twins, so
blindfolding the Waterbearer and taking her by myriad surprises puts an extra twinkle in his eye,
while preventing getting any tinkle in hers. Look, once you let loose the rude-boy side of Gemini’s
persona, there is no limit to what he’ll get up to. And no woman is more likely to go with it than
she. A too hardcore edge notwithstanding, sex for these two thrives on variety. That means forever
trying new positions, rooms, and pieces of furniture. Shagging in offbeat public places, too— taxis,
elevators, trains, all such clichés are anything but for these excitement addicts. Aquarius likes to bring
out the animal in Gemini, who can be measured, and actually quite artful, in his sexual style. Most
women never quite unleash the beast the way the Waterbearer intends to. She is an unsqueamish char-
acter and will rarely blink at swallowing, say, or using her mouth in places the sun doesn’t shine. If
anything, he will get grossed out for her. He can be a real clean freak, and odors, to his mind, should
be kept to a minimum. He also likes a tidy workspace, meaning Aquarius will want to invest in some
serious bushwhacking. Gemini has something of a sanitized vision of nookie; and, sexist though it
may sound, the closer a woman resembles some airbrushed bunny from the pages of his favorite
magazines, the better. Aquarius does enjoy costuming and here she has fun with that fact. Besides,
she’s been wondering where to wear her rainbow legwarmers with her purple platform stilettos and
crotchless chartreuse bodysuit. Gemini appreciates any efforts made to fulfill his fantasies, and we
can’t think of any lady who’s more willing to accept the challenge. If anything, he will struggle to
come up with new ideas. N

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 GEMINI WOMAN + AQUARIUS MAN

the jigger

CHEMISTRY

Of all the would-be love bonds, this is the least categorical. There are so many variables, here, it’s
difficult to solidly outline. But it would seem that these creatures have extreme reactions to one
another. They either repel or completely lose themselves in each other, even from the get-go. The
repel scenario we don’t need to discuss, it’s the other end of the spectrum that holds optimum fasci-
nation, one such word that could also title this chapter. Aquarius can have a mesmerizing effect on
the Gemini, whose mind, she immediately senses, the Waterbearer seeks to control. He has that guru
vibe about him, like the biblical water bearer John the Baptist, and Gemini is susceptible to such a
lone, clear voice in the wilderness she perceives to be the world. Aquarius is the sole fixed-air sign of
the zodiac, air representing thought and the mental plane. For him, ideas are thus solid facts, and he
experiences his opinions as such, quite emphatically. The sign of Gemini is mutable air, recalling a
buzzy barrage of information, which is why Geminis can be at turns flighty and manipulative, like
Tinker Bell, a cartoon version of Eris, the goddess of discord, causing major mischief. So Gemini
becomes the perfect agent for Aquarius’ notions, particularly those he has about her role in his life.

C O MPATIBILIT Y

It is incredibly difficult for Gemini to have her autonomy in this relationship, but this is the very
dynamic to which she can become addicted. Friends may grill her to gauge her happiness, and even
amid varying doses of misery, Gemini, herself, can’t put her finger on what it is that this relation-
ship means to, or provides, her. Aquarius rules Gemini’s cosmic 9th house of the higher mind and
shamanistic visions. And, indeed, the Waterbearer tries to urge the Twins to more elevated ways
(his) of perceiving the world. He is the literal shaman, here, in this combination, seeking to impose
his visions upon her. Now, that can be beneficial, or not. She may indeed better herself via the bond
or become basically brainwashed. Either way, this relationship is a baptism-by-fire for her. It starts
off fast and only becomes more furious. Gemini in turn governs Aquarius’ creative 5th house of love
affairs, all social pleasures, gaming and gambling, among other like attributes. And, as is often the
case, Aquarius treats Gemini like someone with whom he’s having a fling, even if it’s a forever thing,
which can be exciting and romantic, but leave her feeling that depth is missing. He definitely relies
N on her to be his link to the social world, relegating all responsibility on that score. He can feel she’s

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 something of a project, a wayward waif he’s taken a gamble on, hoping to be set on the straight and
narrow (read: his myopic vision of the world). It’s nearly impossible to gauge the level of Aquarian
detachment, but here it is especially difficult. One gets the sense that he couldn’t be bothered if she
were to pack up and go; yet he could just as easily crumble into a thousand pieces— Gemini becomes
such an integral part of his functioning existence. A part he prepared for her.

CARNALIT Y

One shudders to think what this couple could get up to. Basically whatever Aquarius can devise.
But erring on this side of decency, we’ll steer clear of images of either or both of them completely
encased in shiny electric blue or yellow latex, hanging from the ceiling like inanimate objects. Suffice
to say, Aquarius’ signature control plays out in the bedroom, in spades. Imagine him, fully dressed,
perhaps in an impeccable suit (for fun, we can picture Christian Bale), unruffled, stoic; and that
Gemini (Natalie Portman?) is prone, completely naked, waiting for her next instruction. Perhaps
she will only be directed to play with herself here and there, this way or that; or to creep over on all
fours and, carefully, avoiding flattening the creases in his trousers, unzip him and just touch it, only
touching, for a specified amount of time, until, that’s enough, gently putting it back in its clothed
cage. Enough until next time. It’s this sort of, well in this case literally, dangling himself before the
Geminian lover that really gets this guru going. And, she can barely believe it; she finds it thrilling,
too, even in its ridiculous frustration. Whereas he won’t get away with this with most women, it’s
the submission of her mind to his will that fuels fantasies he mightn’t even have realized were bang-
ing around that egghead of his. So there is this sort of symbiotic psychoerotic improv going on all
the time, the direction of which neither of them can actually predict. Let’s call it sexual jazz. Typi-
cally it will involve spanking. When this disciplinary man meets the eternally schoolgirlish Gemini
disciple, you can bet on some major paddywacking, a nice red behind rivaling any body part for
stimulating the Aquarian’s libido. The more he withholds affection, the more she craves it, clinging
to him even as they sleep. And when erotic buildup finally leads to the main event (if there is one),
Aquarius reveals his special talents: He knows, as if he sees the math in his head like a giant engi-
neering blueprint, at what height and angle to place his Gemini love toy, positioning her, say, on all
fours, bidding her arch or straighten herself, like a breeder showing off a blue-ribbon winner, so that
when he glides into her it is at the perfect angle for her pleasure especially. (He likes to figure this
stuff out in advance.) And then he will plunge in and out of her such that the full length is felt to
the very tip without it slipping away before it dives in again, making Gemini realize that long strokes
of this skill provoke sensations she’s never before experienced. And this typically well-endowed man
will do this with rhythmic regularity for hours, providing the Twins with countless orgasms, made
all the more powerful by his carefully placed digits on her love button or slightly inside her bum.
And then he speeds it up, begging the question, With Aquarius around, who needs electronic sexual
devices? N

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 GEMINI MAN + AQUARIUS MAN

the jest
CHEMISTRY

Aquarius is the proverbial ugly duckling who is charmingly unaware that he is the lead swan. Gemini
tends to be tongue-tied (will wonders never cease?) and may go into superjoke mode to break the
tension— his. Now, it’s not accurate to say that all of Gemini’s humor goes over the Waterbearer’s
head, or, more precisely, under it, but much of it is lost on him. Even famous Aquarian comedians—
Chris Rock, Eddie Izzard— employ a high-minded brand of yuks. Gemini has difficulty connecting,
but it’s worth the effort, as once contact on this level is made with the rather alien Aquarian, a channel
is permanently open and conversation can flow. But months may pass before this happens. Ah, that
awful, delicious feeling of not knowing what to say to your crush. These fellows know it all too well.

C O MPATIBILIT Y

Uranus, which rules Aquarius, is said to be a higher vibration of Mercury, Gemini’s governing orb.
Both planets are about communication, universally and immediately, respectively. Indeed, Aquarius
is concerned with ideas that affect people ubiquitously, while Gemini is focused on how information
shakes down to him and his intimates. Teaching each other the benefit of taking the opposing view
is a growth experience for both guys. Gemini may feel the Aquarius is hard to reach, that he doesn’t
express affection. And it’s true, the Waterbearer tends to divest emotion generally, feeling for the
world more noticeably than for any one individual, while Gemini is fairly Machiavellian and has
that mob mentality of only taking care of one’s own. Seems like a problem until they realize that
they have very defined roles, in life and in their relationship, and they do declare, “Vive la différence.”

CARNALIT Y

Like all bonds of this sign combination, there are definitely some kinks to be worked out and folded
in. Both fellows are fairly versatile, so, on any given night, they can flip a coin to decide who’s flip-
ping over. Oral sex is the most popular item on the menu. And, both being hygienic creatures, they
like to get squeaky clean, giving them license to rim and otherwise use their gobs who knows where.
Aquarius is happy swallowing, while Gemini prefers a good facial now and again. Often, the Water-
bearer has his fetishes, which usually involve being the object of worship. He might enjoy his Gemini
boy groveling at his feet, for instance, or having the Twins make gag or whimper sounds while blow-
ing him. There are any number of possible quirks in Aquarian’s sexuality, these being just possible
examples. Gemini can go along with anything, so long as it’s not too weird or intense. He keeps one
N foot on solid sexual ground, uttering his safe word before others would, lest the joke be on him.

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 GEMINI WOMAN + AQUARIUS WOMAN

the jamboree
CHEMISTRY

In guessing people’s signs, Gemini and Aquarius women are often mistaken for the other. They are
typically bouncy little babes with round, kewpie-doll features. Even when they’re lanky supermod-
els, they have childlike faces, voices, and demeanors. These femmes make fast friends, immediately
bonding, both being outgoing and endowed with a motormouth. They are touchy-feely and Gemini,
especially, senses the electricity between them. Aquarius can be hard to read when it comes to sexual
interest. Yet at the same time, it’s nearly possible to offend her: Gemini will work herself into a
frenzy to make the first move, only for the Waterbearer to accept or decline her affections with
equally steady emotion. Funny that Gemini female trips over herself to please the easy Aquarian.

C O MPATIBILIT Y

In truth, the Twins needs constant reassurance of the importance of her love bond. But Aquarius
is loath to overanalyze for fear of destroying the unspoken beauty. So Gemini needs to chill and
Aquarius needs to pipe up with appreciative nods. Otherwise, these two tend to enjoy a breezy time
of it. In some ways, each gives the other license to revel in her arrested development. There is a real
love of lowbrow culture, kitsch, and cartoons and their home tends to be filled with tchotchkes. They
are an intensely social pair, sharing an extended family of friends, constantly to’ing and fro’ing, or
taking group trips, typically, to exotic places where one can live on a shoestring. In the end, despite
her natural distancing from emotions, Aquarius is the mother figure within the relationship and her
community. Gemini dotes on her as a lady who speaks her mind and whom one must never cross.

CARNALIT Y

As emotionally needy as Gemini may be, Aquarius’ sexual requirements are heavy. And she has a
built-in radar for really knowing if a lover is into her, or divesting feelings or body parts elsewhere.
Aquarius can’t abide it. Cuddling is never enough. She must be valued as a sexual persona and given
vivid demonstration on that score. Gemini can feel overwhelmed at first by Aquarius’ outsized libido
and the Waterbearer’s no-holds-barred approach to getting it on. Sex with Aquarius is not for the
squeamish, as she gives a lover a thorough working over and expects the same in return. No beating
around the bush, pun intended, Aquarius requires major penetration, and she goes for girth over
length when it comes to toys. With Gemini, sex is equal parts kinky and romantic, bondage and
bouquets. Gemini will typically play the more submissive role, here, and the Aquarius mistress might
make her into quite the obedient servant whom she nonetheless treats as a most prized possession. N

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