Timeless Counsel for Women

Regarding Their Husbands from

Diverse Places and Times
By Maulvi Muhammad Yusaf

In pre-Islamic times an Arab noblewoman Ummah

bint al-rith al-Shaibnyah, the distinguished
wife of Auf ibn Muallim al-Shaibn, an Arab
nobleman, counseled her daughter Umm Iys when
Umm Iys was about to go to the man she had just
been married to al-rith ibn Amr, the King of
Kindah, a kingdom located in the heartland of what
is present-day Arabia. Ummah was an eloquent
and sagacious orator and her discourses were
preserved in the minds of the Arabs and handed
down generation after generation until they were
eventually recorded by the scholars of Islam who
recognized the preciousness of her advice. Here
follows the text of her counsel:



.
My dear daughter, if counsel were not to be
given on account of fine manners you would not
need to be given it; however, this counsel [that I
will give you] is a reminder to the
negligent/heedless and a help to the intelligent.
If a woman could do without a husband on
account of the wealth of her parents and on
account of her parents extreme need for her, you
would have been the least needful of women for
a husband; however, women were created needy

for men and men were created needy for

women.

:


.
O my dear daughter, you are leaving the land in
which you were born and you are parting the
nest in which you grew up to an abode you do
not know and a companion with whom you are
not familiar. By virtue of his authority over you
he has become your keeper and king, so be like
a slave girl to him and he will become like a
responsive slave to you.
:


.
O my dear daughter, take from me ten
instructions to be a reminder and a saving for
you. Be satisfied in his company and live with
him heeding and obeying him keeping in mind
what he is seeing that he might never see
ugliness in you, and inspect what he is smelling
so that he doesnt smell anything but the best
fragrance from you.




.
Kohl is the finest [of things that improve ones]
beauty and water is the finest perfume when

there is no another perfume available. 1 Take

care of his eating times because the heat of
hunger is blazing, and be quiet during the time
of his sleep because spoiling his sleep will anger
him. Look after his house and his property, and
take care of him and his servants and his
children, for looking after his property is good
judgment, and taking care of his children and his
servants is very good management.








.
Do not disclose any secret of his, for if you
disclose his secret you will not be safe from his
betrayal. And do not disobey his command for if
you disobey his command you will rouse his
anger against you. Furthermore, beware of
showing happiness if he is distressed, and of
showing grief when he is happy, for the former
quality is a shortcoming, while the latter quality
spoils his mood. More than anything else that
you do, be respectful towards him; then more
than anything else he is towards you, he will be
generous/reverent, and more than anything else
you do agree with him; then more than anything
The Arabic construction here befuddles, so I have
translated it in the only way that makes any sense. The
reason the speaker calls water perfume is that it removes
body odor and so in improving ones smell it is like a
perfume.
1

else he will be a friend for you. Know that you

will not attain what you wish concerning what
you like and dislike until you place his pleasure
before yours and his desire before yours.
In modern times a Christian woman gave similar
counsel to women with respect to their husbands.
The counsel was published in a magazine in the
USA called Housekeeping Monthly in May 13th,
1955. The title of the note was The Good Wifes
Guide and it was reproduced and published widely
on the Internet and at the time of my writing this
(August 25th 2010) facsimiles of the original can be
found easily on the Internet. No attention need be
paid attempts to question the authenticity of the
original because the original is a scan of an
obviously very old snippet. Furthermore, there is
no material benefit in forging such a document
seeing as it challenges so dramatically what is held
to be politically correct in these sorry and decadent
times in both the East and the West. Here follows
the precious counsel:

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night

before, to have a delicious meal ready on time
for his return. This is a way of letting him know
that you have been thinking about him and are
concerned about his needs. Most men are
hungry when they get home and the prospect
of a good meal is part of the warm welcome
needed.
Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so
youll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up
your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be
fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of
work-weary people.

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for

him. His boring day may need a lift and one of
your duties is to provide it.
Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip
through the main part of the house just before
your husband arrives. Run a dust cloth over
the tables.
During the cooler months of the year you
should prepare and light a fire for him to
unwind by. Your husband will feel he has
reached a haven of rest and order, and it will
give you a lift too. After all, catering to his
comfort will provide you with immense
personal satisfaction.
Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival,
eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, or
vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
Be happy to see him.
Greet him with a warm smile and show
sincerity in your desire to please him.
Listen to him. You may have a dozen important
things to tell him, but the moment of his
arrival is not the time. Let him talk first
remember, his topics of conversation are more
important than yours.
Dont greet him with complaints and problems.
Dont complain if hes late for dinner or even if
he stays out all night. Count this as minor
compared to what he might have gone
through at work.
Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in
a comfortable chair or lie him down in the
bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for
him.

Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his

shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant
voice.
Dont ask him questions about his actions or
question his judgment or integrity. Remember,
he is the master of the house and as such will
always exercise his will with fairness and
truthfulness. You have no right to question
him.
A good wife always knows her place.

The excellence of the counsel proffered in the two

citations above is affirmed by the tenets of Islam.
Consider the following passage from a section
called Major Sin Number 47:
A Wifes Recalcitrance towards Her Husband in
the book Kitb al-Kabir by Imm al-Dhahab (d.
748 / 1348; Damascus):
Aishah e said, O women, if you knew what were
the rights of your husbands over you, you would
wipe the dust from their feet with the cheeks of
your faces!2 The Prophet k said:
Your women that will be the people of paradise
are those loving women [giving birth to many
children3] who when they do wrong [to their
husbands] or are wronged [by them]4 they
come to their husbands and put their hands in
Ibn ajar al-Haitam in his book al-Zawjir (2:48) also
mentioned this report.
3
The interpolated wording her is found in the report as
reported by Ibn ajar al-Haitam in his book al-Zawjir
under major sin number 280, 2:48.
4
Ibn ajar al-Haitam in his book al-Zawjir, 2:48, has the
wording who when she is angered or wronged or when
her husband is angry.
2

theirs saying, I will not taste sleep until you

become happy.5
Furthermore, a woman must always be bashful
with her husband and turn down her eyes in
front of him as she must also respect his orders
and remain quiet when he speaks and get up
when he comes and she must avoid all that
annoys him and get up when he goes out and
offer herself to him when he goes to sleep and
avoid betraying him when he is absent from his
bed and his property and his house and she
should make herself smell nice and accustom
herself to clean her mouth with a brush and she
should use musk and other good perfume and
she should keep herself looking beautiful in his
presence and avoid backbiting him and honor his
family and relatives and she should consider the
little [that he gives her or does for her] much.6
A woman who fears Allah s should exert herself
to obey her husband and seek his favor with all
her might because he will be [the cause of
either] her paradise or hell because the Prophet
k has said, Any woman who dies while her
husband is pleased with her will enter paradise.
Also there is a hadith: If a woman prays her five
daily prayers and fasts the month [of Ramadan
and guards her private parts7] and obeys her
husband then by Allah she will enter whichever
of the gates of paradise that she pleases. 8 It is
also reported that the Prophet k said,
According to al-Mundhir in his al-Targhb it was reported
by al-abarn.
6
This passage was mentioned in its entirety by Ibn ajar
al-Haitam in his book al-Zawjir, 2:48.
7
The interpolated wording here is found in the report as
reported by Ibn ajar al-Haitam in his book al-Zawjir
under major sin number 280, 2:48.
5

Whatever woman is obedient to her husband

the birds in the air seek forgiveness for her as
do the fishes in the water and the angels in
the sky and the sun and the moon as long as
she remains in the favor of her husband,
whereas whatever woman disobeys her
husband on her shall be the curse of Allah and
the angels and the people all together, and
whatever woman frowns in the face of her
husband she shall earn the anger of Allah until
she shall make him laugh and until she shall
earn his pleasure, and whatever woman goes
out of his house without the permission of her
husband the angels will curse her till she
returns.9
In light of the preceding timeless advice judge just
how hellish are the politically correct ideas about
womens role and duties that are promulgated in
the media that is controlled by the psychopathic
financial elite that have gained ascendancy in our
perverse and frightful times.

According to al-Mundhir in his al-Targhb it was reported

by al-abarn.
9
Ibn ajar in his book al-Zawjir also mentioned this
report (2:48).
8