ImIn

March26,2013
Iwasaccepted!Iwasacceptedtoacollegeofmychoice.NotthecollegeIwantedto
attend,butonehighuponmylist.ThedayafterIwasgasping,tryingtoholdbacka
waterfalloftears,Iwasgratefulforbeingacceptedtomynumbertwoschool.Iknewat
thatmoment,Iwasattendingthatcollege:CollegeofWilliamandMary.[CLIPOF
WILLIAMANDMARYSALMAMATTER]
IimmediatelybroughtupGoogleandfranticallysearchedNotreDametransferprocess
andNotreDametransferacceptancerate.[TYPINGSOUND]Mybrainwasaboutto
explodefromtheamountofquestionsIwantedanswered.
IwasfamiliarwiththesocialatmosphereatWilliamandMarysinceIhadgonetoa
summerprogramattheCollegeayearearlier.Nonetheless,whywouldInotgive
WilliamandMaryachance?Iknewthestudentsandfacultythereweresoniceandthe
academicsweresuperb.Itwasthethirtysecondbestcollegeinthenation,andIwas
lookingtoleavebeforeIevenverifiedmyattendancetotheschool.
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September2013
Iwassingleandneverevenhadastablegirlfigureinmylifebesidesfamilymembers.
Nothingwouldchangenow.Iwasthatshy,reservedkidwhogavetheIhavetoomuch
homeworktohaveagirlfriendexcuse.IwishedtobeenrolledatWilliamandMaryfor
onlyayear,andIwouldbeoutoftherewithanacceptanceletterfromNotreDame.One
year,that'sit.IdidnotthinkIwouldformanystrongfriendshipsinonlyayear'stime.
AndsomyyearlongstintatWilliamandMarybegan.Oneday,Ipassedagroupofgirls
onmywaytothedininghall.[FOOTSTEPS]Nicky,thisgirlonanotherfloorofmy
dorm(yes,imagineacoeddormifyoucan),commentedtoourmutualfriendNatalie,
Oh,hescute![NICKYSVOICE]Oneexpressionchangedeverything.Natalie
affirmedthatIhadtodosomethingmorethanmerelysayThankyou!soreluctantly,I
askedNickytogoonawalkjusttobuildanewfriendshipandtobenice.Wehadn'tbeen
oncampusforamonthyet,andIwastakingawalk,alone,withagirl.
Thatwalkcausedustotalkmoreandmore.Eventually,IaskedNickytobemyfirst
girlfriendonOctober3rd,2013.IcouldntbelievetheleapsItooksincegettingto
campus.Iwasjustplanningtoremainlowkeyforayearbeforehopefullytransferring.
Uponreflectionthatnight,IthoughtmyhopeoftransferringtoNotreDamebecamea
longshot;Istillwantedtotransfer,butthebeliefthatIwouldbeacceptedwaspushed
evenlowerbymyego.Ihadselfdoubt.
Monthswentby.Itwasasecretbottledupinsideme.Nickywastotallyoblivioustomy

dilemma:WhetherIshouldapplytotransfertomydreamschoolorremainatWilliam
andMarywithmylovelygirlfriend.IlovedWilliamandMaryandhadmanyclose
friendsandagirlfriendafteronlyoneyear,butwithmybrother'sstoriesofhistimeat
NotreDamefreshinmymind,IthoughtNotreDamewouldbeabetterfitforme.
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March30,2014
NickyandIhadalittlescuffle.ItwasamatteroftimebeforeIhadtotellherIwas
applyingtotransfer.TheapplicationwasdueApril15th,nearlytwoweeksaway.Iknew
informingherofmydecisionwouldbepainful.Thelittleskirmishinitiatedmeto
confronther.Itoldher,Letsgoforawalk.Letstalkoverthings.
Despitetheeventsthathadtranspired,Nickyassertedthatourrelationshipwasstablebut
reluctantlyagreedtotakeawalkatsuchalatetime,12:30a.m.Wewalkedpastthe
dininghallanddescendedalittlehill.Ihadtospeakup.Thedifficultnewswouldhave
tocomeouteventually.
Nicky,Ihavetotellyousomething,Isaidasmyvoicestartedtocrack.Icouldfeelmy
tearglandsbeginningtowork.IcanonlyseeNickysoutlineasIlookthroughmy
waterfilledeyes.Nicky,Isaid,Iloveourrelationshipandbeingaroundyou.Ican
imaginemyselfbeingwithyouforalongtime,but[SOUNDOFAHEART
BEATING]Myheartsanktoanalltimelow.Iswallowed.ButIamapplyingto
transfertoNotreDame.
Nickybegantoshedtearsaswell.Shedidnotbelievemywords.Shewanted
clarification.Thethoughtofmetransferringnever,evercrossedhermindinthesixanda
halfmonthswehadbeentogether.
Wegotbacktothedormatnearly1:30inthemorning.Nickyhuggedme;nokiss,justa
hug.Shesaidinanextremelysaddenedvoice,Ok,Ineedtogotobed.Ineedtoreflect
onallthis.Shewipedawayyetanotherstreamoftearsrunningdownherrosycheeks
andwenttobed.
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March31st,2014
Nickytoldmethatshewouldbebymysidethroughouttheprocess.Shesaiditmustbe
hardenoughjusttellingclosefriendsandprofessorsthatIwantedtoleaveWilliamand
Mary.
Nickytoldhermomthatdayofthenews.Hermomsfirstthoughtwas,IsthisanApril
Foolsjoke?IinitiallyregrettedapplyingtoNotreDame.Peopledidnotwantmeto
go,butdeepdown,Iwantedtoleaveforbetteropportunities.

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June4th,2014
Mydecisioncame.Alargeenvelopeatmyhousesfrontdoor.Ithought,Pleasebea
rejectionlettersothatIdonthavetomakeadecision.Idontwanttoregretleavingso
muchbehindatWilliamandMary.IdontwanttohurtNicky.Thesizeoftheenvelope
suggestedotherwise.
IsentatexttoNicky:Nicky,weneedtoSkype.Becauseshewasanticipatingthe
decisionletter,shefearedtheworst.
[NICKYSVOICE]ItsaboutNotreDame,isntit?
Yes,babe,Itextedhesitantly.
UpontellingNickyofmyacceptance,shebrokedownemotionally[SOBBINGNOISE]
andsaidshehadtogo.ShehadtoleaveourSkypesessiontocrythatIwouldnotspend
thenextthreeyearsofcollegebytoherside.Iwouldnoteatwithher.Iwouldnothelp
herstudy.Iwouldnotbeaneverydaypresenceinherlife.
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August21st,2014
Nickydroveouttocampuswithme;shewantedtospendherfinalmomentsofsummer
nexttome.Atthecloseofthefirstdayoforientation,wewalkedaroundcampus.She
prayedattheGrotto,tearingupintheprocess.
Nicky had to catch the bus to Midway. I hugged her really hard. We were both sobbing.
My efforts to hold back a waterfall of tears were mostly unsuccessful. I used all of the
three tissues I had prepared myself with and resorted to using my shirts sleeve.
Nicky and I parted ways but would be back together in two months. Until then, we were
both single on our own campus. Our face-to-face interaction was put on hold.
[VICTORY MARCH] Notre Dame, here I am. My dream came true, however my
acceptance to a school was yet again met with sorrow. I was accepted, but this time,
there was no researching the transfer process. I was here to stay.