PamelaMeyer:HowtoSpotaLiarfromTED.

com
0:11Okay,nowIdon'twanttoalarmanybodyinthisroom,butit'sjustcometomy
attentionthatthepersontoyourrightisaliar.(Laughter)Also,thepersontoyourleftisa
liar.Alsothepersonsittinginyourveryseatsisaliar.We'reallliars.WhatI'mgoingto
dotodayisI'mgoingtoshowyouwhattheresearchsaysaboutwhywe'reallliars,how
youcanbecomealiespotterandwhyyoumightwanttogotheextramileandgofrom
liespottingtotruthseeking,andultimatelytotrustbuilding.
0:45Nowspeakingoftrust,eversinceIwrotethisbook,"Liespotting,"noonewantsto
meetmeinpersonanymore,no,no,no,no,no.Theysay,"It'sokay,we'llemailyou."
(Laughter)Ican'tevengetacoffeedateatStarbucks.Myhusband'slike,"Honey,
deception?Maybeyoucouldhavefocusedoncooking.HowaboutFrenchcooking?"
1:08SobeforeIgetstarted,whatI'mgoingtodoisI'mgoingtoclarifymygoalforyou,
whichisnottoteachagameofGotcha.Liespottersaren'tthosenitpickykids,thosekids
inthebackoftheroomthatareshouting,"Gotcha!Gotcha!Youreyebrowtwitched.You
flaredyournostril.IwatchthatTVshow'LieToMe.'Iknowyou'relying."No,
liespottersarearmedwithscientificknowledgeofhowtospotdeception.Theyuseitto
gettothetruth,andtheydowhatmatureleadersdoeveryday;theyhavedifficult
conversationswithdifficultpeople,sometimesduringverydifficulttimes.Andtheystart
upthatpathbyacceptingacoreproposition,andthatpropositionisthefollowing:Lying
isacooperativeact.Thinkaboutit,aliehasnopowerwhatsoeverbyitsmereutterance.
Itspoweremergeswhensomeoneelseagreestobelievethelie.
1:57SoIknowitmaysoundliketoughlove,butlook,ifatsomepointyougotliedto,
it'sbecauseyouagreedtogetliedto.Truthnumberoneaboutlying:Lying'sa
cooperativeact.Nownotallliesareharmful.Sometimeswe'rewillingparticipantsin
deceptionforthesakeofsocialdignity,maybetokeepasecretthatshouldbekeptsecret,
secret.Wesay,"Nicesong.""Honey,youdon'tlookfatinthat,no."Orwesay,favorite
ofthedigiratti,"Youknow,Ijustfishedthatemailoutofmyspamfolder.Sosorry."
2:32Buttherearetimeswhenweareunwillingparticipantsindeception.Andthatcan
havedramaticcostsforus.Lastyearsaw997billiondollarsincorporatefraudalonein
theUnitedStates.That'saneyelashunderatrilliondollars.That'ssevenpercentof
revenues.Deceptioncancostbillions.ThinkEnron,Madoff,themortgagecrisis.Orin
thecaseofdoubleagentsandtraitors,likeRobertHanssenorAldrichAmes,liescan
betrayourcountry,theycancompromiseoursecurity,theycanunderminedemocracy,
theycancausethedeathsofthosethatdefendus.
3:07Deceptionisactuallyseriousbusiness.Thisconman,HenryOberlander,hewas
suchaneffectiveconmanBritishauthoritiessayhecouldhaveunderminedtheentire
bankingsystemoftheWesternworld.Andyoucan'tfindthisguyonGoogle;youcan't
findhimanywhere.Hewasinterviewedonce,andhesaidthefollowing.Hesaid,"Look,
I'vegotonerule."AndthiswasHenry'srule,hesaid,"Look,everyoneiswillingtogive

yousomething.They'rereadytogiveyousomethingforwhateveritisthey'rehungry
for."Andthat'sthecruxofit.Ifyoudon'twanttobedeceived,youhavetoknow,whatis
itthatyou'rehungryfor?Andweallkindofhatetoadmitit.Wewishwewerebetter
husbands,betterwives,smarter,morepowerful,taller,richerthelistgoeson.Lyingis
anattempttobridgethatgap,toconnectourwishesandourfantasiesaboutwhowewish
wewere,howwewishwecouldbe,withwhatwe'rereallylike.Andboyarewewilling
tofillinthosegapsinourliveswithlies.
4:05Onagivenday,studiesshowthatyoumaybeliedtoanywherefrom10to200
times.Nowgranted,manyofthosearewhitelies.Butinanotherstudy,itshowedthat
strangersliedthreetimeswithinthefirst10minutesofmeetingeachother.(Laughter)
Nowwhenwefirsthearthisdata,werecoil.Wecan'tbelievehowprevalentlyingis.
We'reessentiallyagainstlying.Butifyoulookmoreclosely,theplotactuallythickens.
Weliemoretostrangersthanwelietocoworkers.Extrovertsliemorethanintroverts.
Menlieeighttimesmoreaboutthemselvesthantheydootherpeople.Womenliemoreto
protectotherpeople.Ifyou'reanaveragemarriedcouple,you'regoingtolietoyour
spouseinoneoutofevery10interactions.Nowyoumaythinkthat'sbad.Ifyou're
unmarried,thatnumberdropstothree.
4:58Lying'scomplex.It'swovenintothefabricofourdailyandourbusinesslives.We're
deeplyambivalentaboutthetruth.Weparseitoutonanasneededbasis,sometimesfor
verygoodreasons,othertimesjustbecausewedon'tunderstandthegapsinourlives.
That'struthnumbertwoaboutlying.We'reagainstlying,butwe'recovertlyforitinways
thatoursocietyhassanctionedforcenturiesandcenturiesandcenturies.It'sasoldas
breathing.It'spartofourculture,it'spartofourhistory.ThinkDante,Shakespeare,the
Bible,NewsoftheWorld.
5:32(Laughter)
5:34Lyinghasevolutionaryvaluetousasaspecies.Researchershavelongknownthat
themoreintelligentthespecies,thelargertheneocortex,themorelikelyitistobe
deceptive.NowyoumightrememberKoko.DoesanybodyrememberKokothegorilla
whowastaughtsignlanguage?Kokowastaughttocommunicateviasignlanguage.
Here'sKokowithherkitten.It'shercutelittle,fluffypetkitten.Kokoonceblamedher
petkittenforrippingasinkoutofthewall.(Laughter)We'rehardwiredtobecome
leadersofthepack.It'sstartsreally,reallyearly.Howearly?Wellbabieswillfakeacry,
pause,waittoseewho'scomingandthengorightbacktocrying.Oneyearoldslearn
concealment.(Laughter)Twoyearoldsbluff.Fiveyearoldslieoutright.They
manipulateviaflattery.Nineyearolds,mastersofthecoverup.Bythetimeyouenter
college,you'regoingtolietoyourmominoneoutofeveryfiveinteractions.Bythetime
weenterthisworkworldandwe'rebreadwinners,weenteraworldthatisjustcluttered
withspam,fakedigitalfriends,partisanmedia,ingeniousidentitythieves,worldclass
Ponzischemers,adeceptionepidemicinshort,whatoneauthorcallsaposttruth
society.It'sbeenveryconfusingforalongtimenow.

6:59Whatdoyoudo?Welltherearestepswecantaketonavigateourwaythroughthe
morass.Trainedliespottersgettothetruth90percentofthetime.Therestofus,we're
only54percentaccurate.Whyisitsoeasytolearn?Therearegoodliarsandthereare
badliars.Therearenorealoriginalliars.Weallmakethesamemistakes.Weallusethe
sametechniques.SowhatI'mgoingtodoisI'mgoingtoshowyoutwopatternsof
deception.Andthenwe'regoingtolookatthehotspotsandseeifwecanfindthem
ourselves.We'regoingtostartwithspeech.
7:29(Video)BillClinton:Iwantyoutolistentome.I'mgoingtosaythisagain.Ididnot
havesexualrelationswiththatwoman,MissLewinsky.Inevertoldanybodytolie,nota
singletime,never.Andtheseallegationsarefalse.AndIneedtogobacktoworkforthe
Americanpeople.Thankyou.
7:54PamelaMeyer:Okay,whatwerethetelltalesigns?Wellfirstweheardwhat's
knownasanoncontracteddenial.Studiesshowthatpeoplewhoareoverdeterminedin
theirdenialwillresorttoformalratherthaninformallanguage.Wealsohearddistancing
language:"thatwoman."Weknowthatliarswillunconsciouslydistancethemselvesfrom
theirsubjectusinglanguageastheirtool.NowifBillClintonhadsaid,"Well,totellyou
thetruth..."orRichardNixon'sfavorite,"Inallcandor..."hewouldhavebeenadead
giveawayforanyliespotterthanknowsthatqualifyinglanguage,asit'scalled,qualifying
languagelikethat,furtherdiscreditsthesubject.Nowifhehadrepeatedthequestionin
itsentirety,orifhehadpepperedhisaccountwithalittletoomuchdetailandwe'reall
reallygladhedidn'tdothathewouldhavefurtherdiscreditedhimself.Freudhadit
right.Freudsaid,look,there'smuchmoretoitthanspeech:"Nomortalcankeepasecret.
Ifhislipsaresilent,hechatterswithhisfingertips."Andwealldoitnomatterhow
powerfulyouare.Weallchatterwithourfingertips.I'mgoingtoshowyouDominique
StraussKahnwithObamawho'schatteringwithhisfingertips.
9:04(Laughter)
9:07Nowthisbringsustoournextpattern,whichisbodylanguage.Withbodylanguage,
here'swhatyou'vegottodo.You'vereallygottojustthrowyourassumptionsoutthe
door.Letthesciencetemperyourknowledgealittlebit.Becausewethinkliarsfidgetall
thetime.Wellguesswhat,they'reknowntofreezetheirupperbodieswhenthey'relying.
Wethinkliarswon'tlookyouintheeyes.Wellguesswhat,theylookyouintheeyesa
littletoomuchjusttocompensateforthatmyth.Wethinkwarmthandsmilesconvey
honesty,sincerity.Butatrainedliespottercanspotafakesmileamileaway.Canyouall
spotthefakesmilehere?Youcanconsciouslycontractthemusclesinyourcheeks.But
therealsmile'sintheeyes,thecrow'sfeetoftheeyes.Theycannotbeconsciously
contracted,especiallyifyouoverdidtheBotox.Don'toverdotheBotox;nobodywill
thinkyou'rehonest.
10:01Nowwe'regoingtolookatthehotspots.Canyoutellwhat'shappeningina
conversation?Canyoustarttofindthehotspotstoseethediscrepanciesbetween
someone'swordsandsomeone'sactions?NowIknowitseemsreallyobvious,butwhen

you'rehavingaconversationwithsomeoneyoususpectofdeception,attitudeisbyfarthe
mostoverlookedbuttellingofindicators.
10:22Anhonestpersonisgoingtobecooperative.They'regoingtoshowthey'reonyour
side.They'regoingtobeenthusiastic.They'regoingtobewillingandhelpfultogetting
youtothetruth.They'regoingtobewillingtobrainstorm,namesuspects,provide
details.They'regoingtosay,"Hey,maybeitwasthoseguysinpayrollthatforgedthose
checks."They'regoingtobeinfuriatediftheysensethey'rewronglyaccusedthroughout
theentirecourseoftheinterview,notjustinflashes;they'llbeinfuriatedthroughoutthe
entirecourseoftheinterview.Andifyouasksomeonehonestwhatshouldhappento
whomeverdidforgethosechecks,anhonestpersonismuchmorelikelytorecommend
strictratherthanlenientpunishment.
10:59Nowlet'ssayyou'rehavingthatexactsameconversationwithsomeonedeceptive.
Thatpersonmaybewithdrawn,lookdown,lowertheirvoice,pause,bekindofherky
jerky.Askadeceptivepersontotelltheirstory,they'regoingtopepperitwithwaytoo
muchdetailinallkindsofirrelevantplaces.Andthenthey'regoingtotelltheirstoryin
strictchronologicalorder.Andwhatatrainedinterrogatordoesistheycomeinandin
verysubtlewaysoverthecourseofseveralhours,theywillaskthatpersontotellthat
storybackwards,andthenthey'llwatchthemsquirm,andtrackwhichquestionsproduce
thehighestvolumeofdeceptivetells.Whydotheydothat?Wellwealldothesame
thing.Werehearseourwords,butwerarelyrehearseourgestures.Wesay"yes,"we
shakeourheads"no."Wetellveryconvincingstories,weslightlyshrugourshoulders.
Wecommitterriblecrimes,andwesmileatthedelightingettingawaywithit.Nowthat
smileisknowninthetradeas"dupingdelight."
11:54Andwe'regoingtoseethatinseveralvideosmovingforward,butwe'regoingto
startforthoseofyouwhodon'tknowhim,thisispresidentialcandidateJohnEdwards
whoshockedAmericabyfatheringachildoutofwedlock.We'regoingtoseehimtalk
aboutgettingapaternitytest.Seenowifyoucanspothimsaying,"yes"whileshaking
hishead"no,"slightlyshrugginghisshoulders.
12:14(Video)JohnEdwards:I'dbehappytoparticipateinone.Iknowthatit'snot
possiblethatthischildcouldbemine,becauseofthetimingofevents.SoIknowit'snot
possible.Happytotakeapaternitytest,andwouldlovetoseeithappen.Interviewer:Are
yougoingtodothatsoon?IstheresomebodyJE:Well,I'monlyoneside.I'monlyone
sideofthetest.ButI'mhappytoparticipateinone.
12:36PM:Okay,thoseheadshakesaremucheasiertospotonceyouknowtolookfor
them.There'regoingtobetimeswhensomeonemakesoneexpressionwhilemasking
anotherthatjustkindofleaksthroughinaflash.Murderersareknowntoleaksadness.
Yournewjointventurepartnermightshakeyourhand,celebrate,goouttodinnerwith
youandthenleakanexpressionofanger.Andwe'renotallgoingtobecomefacial
expressionexpertsovernighthere,butthere'soneIcanteachyouthat'sverydangerous,
andit'seasytolearn,andthat'stheexpressionofcontempt.Nowwithanger,you'vegot

twopeopleonanevenplayingfield.It'sstillsomewhatofahealthyrelationship.But
whenangerturnstocontempt,you'vebeendismissed.It'sassociatedwithmoral
superiority.Andforthatreason,it'svery,veryhardtorecoverfrom.Here'swhatitlooks
like.It'smarkedbyonelipcornerpulledupandin.It'stheonlyasymmetricalexpression.
Andinthepresenceofcontempt,whetherornotdeceptionfollowsanditdoesn't
alwaysfollowlooktheotherway,gotheotherdirection,reconsiderthedeal,say,"No
thankyou.I'mnotcomingupforjustonemorenightcap.Thankyou."
13:43Sciencehassurfacedmany,manymoreindicators.Weknow,forexample,we
knowliarswillshifttheirblinkrate,pointtheirfeettowardsanexit.Theywilltake
barrierobjectsandputthembetweenthemselvesandthepersonthatisinterviewing
them.They'llaltertheirvocaltone,oftenmakingtheirvocaltonemuchlower.Now
here'sthedeal.Thesebehaviorsarejustbehaviors.They'renotproofofdeception.
They'reredflags.We'rehumanbeings.Wemakedeceptiveflailinggesturesalloverthe
placealldaylong.Theydon'tmeananythinginandofthemselves.Butwhenyousee
clustersofthem,that'syoursignal.Look,listen,probe,asksomehardquestions,getout
ofthatverycomfortablemodeofknowing,walkintocuriositymode,askmorequestions,
havealittledignity,treatthepersonyou'retalkingtowithrapport.Don'ttrytobelike
thosefolkson"Law&Order"andthoseotherTVshowsthatpummeltheirsubjectsinto
submission.Don'tbetooaggressive,itdoesn'twork.
14:42Nowwe'vetalkedalittlebitabouthowtotalktosomeonewho'slyingandhowto
spotalie.AndasIpromised,we'renowgoingtolookatwhatthetruthlookslike.But
I'mgoingtoshowyoutwovideos,twomothersoneislying,oneistellingthetruth.
AndtheseweresurfacedbyresearcherDavidMatsumotoinCalifornia.AndIthink
they'reanexcellentexampleofwhatthetruthlookslike.
15:04Thismother,DianeDowns,shotherkidsatcloserange,drovethemtothehospital
whiletheybledalloverthecar,claimedascraggyhairedstrangerdidit.Andyou'llsee
whenyouseethevideo,shecan'tevenpretendtobeanagonizingmother.Whatyou
wanttolookforhereisanincrediblediscrepancybetweenhorrificeventsthatshe
describesandhervery,verycooldemeanor.Andifyoulookclosely,you'llseeduping
delightthroughoutthisvideo.
15:29(Video)DianeDowns:AtnightwhenIclosemyeyes,IcanseeChristiereaching
herhandouttomewhileI'mdriving,andthebloodjustkeptcomingoutofhermouth.
Andthatmaybeit'llfadetoowithtimebutIdon'tthinkso.Thatbothersmethemost.
15:51PM:NowI'mgoingtoshowyouavideoofanactualgrievingmother,Erin
Runnion,confrontingherdaughter'smurdererandtorturerincourt.Hereyou'regoingto
seenofalseemotion,justtheauthenticexpressionofamother'sagony.
16:04(Video)ErinRunnion:Iwrotethisstatementonthethirdanniversaryofthenight
youtookmybaby,andyouhurther,andyoucrushedher,youterrifiedheruntilherheart
stopped.Andshefought,andIknowshefoughtyou.ButIknowshelookedatyouwith

thoseamazingbrowneyes,andyoustillwantedtokillher.AndIdon'tunderstandit,and
Ineverwill.
16:31PM:Okay,there'snodoubtingtheveracityofthoseemotions.
16:35Nowthetechnologyaroundwhatthetruthlookslikeisprogressingon,thescience
ofit.Weknowforexamplethatwenowhavespecializedeyetrackersandinfraredbrain
scans,MRI'sthatcandecodethesignalsthatourbodiessendoutwhenwe'retryingtobe
deceptive.Andthesetechnologiesaregoingtobemarketedtoallofusaspanaceasfor
deceit,andtheywillproveincrediblyusefulsomeday.Butyou'vegottoaskyourselfin
themeantime:Whodoyouwantonyoursideofthemeeting,someonewho'strainedin
gettingtothetruthorsomeguywho'sgoingtodraga400poundelectroencephalogram
throughthedoor?
17:10Liespottersrelyonhumantools.Theyknow,assomeoneoncesaid,"Character's
whoyouareinthedark."Andwhat'skindofinterestingisthattodaywehavesolittle
darkness.Ourworldislitup24hoursaday.It'stransparentwithblogsandsocial
networksbroadcastingthebuzzofawholenewgenerationofpeoplethathavemadea
choicetolivetheirlivesinpublic.It'samuchmorenoisyworld.Soonechallengewe
haveistoremember,oversharing,that'snothonesty.Ourmanictweetingandtextingcan
blindustothefactthatthesubtletiesofhumandecencycharacterintegritythat'sstill
whatmatters,that'salwayswhat'sgoingtomatter.Sointhismuchnoisierworld,itmight
makesenseforustobejustalittlebitmoreexplicitaboutourmoralcode.
18:04Whenyoucombinethescienceofrecognizingdeceptionwiththeartoflooking,
listening,youexemptyourselffromcollaboratinginalie.Youstartupthatpathofbeing
justalittlebitmoreexplicit,becauseyousignaltoeveryonearoundyou,yousay,"Hey,
myworld,ourworld,it'sgoingtobeanhonestone.Myworldisgoingtobeonewhere
truthisstrengthenedandfalsehoodisrecognizedandmarginalized."Andwhenyoudo
that,thegroundaroundyoustartstoshiftjustalittlebit.
18:32Andthat'sthetruth.Thankyou.
18:35(Applause)