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U.S.

One Couples Unanticipated Journey to Center of

Landmark Gay Rights Case
By JULIE BOSMAN

JAN. 24, 2015

HAZELPARK,Mich.Onasnowynightin2011,AprilDeBoer,JayneRowse
andtheirthreechildrenweredrivingintheirminivandownaruralroadwhen
atruck,attemptingtopassanothervehicle,camebarrelingtowardthem.
Atthelastsecond,heswervedofftheroadandveeredintoafield,Ms.
DeBoerrecalled.IdontthinkJayneandIwouldhavesurvivedtheimpact.It
wasthatmoment,thatrealization,thatweneededtogetthingsinorder.
Theyfiguredtheycoulddrawupwillsandassigncustodyoftheirchildren
duringaquickmeetingwithalawyer.Instead,theyareheadedtotheUnited
StatesSupremeCourt.
AftertalkingtoalawyerinDetroit,Ms.RowseandMs.DeBoerwere
stunnedtodiscoverthat,asagaycouplelivinginMichigan,theywere
unprotectedunderthelaw:Michigandoesnotallowtwounmarriedpeopleto
jointlyadoptachild,sotheirchildrenweretechnicallyadoptedbyasingle
parent,eitherMs.Rowse,50,orMs.DeBoer,43.Eachparentlegallyhadno
claimtothechildrenherpartnerhadlegallyadopted.
Ifeitherparentdied,theyrealized,thesurvivorwouldnotjustfacethe
devastationoflosingalovedone.Ajudgecouldeasilyorderanychildadopted
byadeceasedparenttolivewithadistantrelativeorinfostercare.The
survivorwouldfacethedisintegrationofthecouplesfamily.
Itwasscary,Ms.DeBoersaid.Allalongwethoughtwecouldprotect
ourchildren,andwecouldnt.
OnJan.16,theSupremeCourtagreedtoheartheirfederallawsuit

challengingMichigansbanonsamesexmarriage,aswellascasesbroughtby
couplesinOhio,TennesseeandKentucky.Thecourtisexpectedtodecideby
Junewhetherall50statesmustallowgaysandlesbianstomarry.
ItsrulingwillcomeontheheelsofSupremeCourtvictoriesforsupporters
ofsamesexmarriage.Lastfall,thecourtletstandappealscourtrulingsthat
allowedsamesexunionsinfivestates,andin2013,alandmarkdecisionon
samesexmarriage,UnitedStatesv.Windsor,struckdownasectionofthe
DefenseofMarriageActthatbannedfederalbenefitsforsamesexcouples
whoweremarriedinstatesthatallowedtheunions.
DaysaftertheyreceivedwordthattheSupremeCourtwouldheartheir
case,theywerestillmarvelingatthetwistsandturnsthathadgottenthem
there.
Thecouplemetin1999throughmutualfriends.Ms.DeBoerhadjust
enduredabruisingdivorceaskedhowmanyyearsshewasmarried,she
said,Toomanyyearsandhadnotcomeouttoherfamilyandfriends.Ms.
RowseandMs.DeBoerbeganattendingnursingschoolaroundthesametime,
encouragingeachotherthroughthegruelingwork,anddatingoffandon.
Aftertheyfinallybecameacouple,theycelebratedtheirunionin2008
withacommitmentceremonyattendedbysome30relativesandfriends.And
theytentativelyspokeoftheirwishestobeparents.Wetalkedmoreabout
startingafamilyandhavingkids,Ms.DeBoersaid,withthepossibilityof
maybesomedaywedbeabletogetmarried.
Theyfirsttriedtoconceivenaturally,withthehelpofaspermdonor,and
itworked:Ms.DeBoerbecamepregnantwithtriplets.Butjoyturnedto
despairwhenshehadamiscarriage,losingallthreebabiesinthefirst
trimester.
Afterthat,theymovedtoadoption.Itwastoomuch,Ms.DeBoersaid.I
couldntgothroughthephysicaloremotionalstuffagain.
Theyhaveadoptedfourchildren.Onpaper,Ms.RowseadoptedNolan,6,
andJacob,5Rylee,2,andRyanne,4,legallybelongtoMs.DeBoer.Twoofthe
childrenhavedevelopmentaldisabilitiesandrequirespecialcare.
Onemorninglastweek,theirsunnylivingroomwaspackedwiththe

furnitureoffamilylife.Aportablecribwassetupnearthefireplace,picture
bookswerescatteredonthefloorandadogsnoozedinthecorner.
Untilafewyearsago,thecoupleweretoobusymanagingtheirlivesand
theirchildrentogettooinvolvedinthedebateintheUnitedStatesovergay
rights.
Webelongedtoonegayandlesbianparentgroup,Ms.Rowsesaidas
Ryleewriggledontoherlap.Thatsit.
Theirclosecallwiththetruckthatdayin2011ledthemtoalawyer,Dana
Nessel,whoadvisedthemthatshecoulddrawupguardianshippapers,but
thattheywouldbenearlyworthlesslegally.Sheurgedtheminsteadtofilea
federallawsuitchallengingtheadoptionlawinMichigan.WhenMs.Nessel,a
cocounselforthefamily,wenttogayrightsgroupsaskingfortheirsupport,
theyalldeclined,tellingherthatshewouldlosethecase.
Noneoftheorganizationswereinterestedindoingchallengesofthis
sort,Ms.Nesselsaid.ButIthoughttheirstorywassocompelling.AndI
thoughttheadoptioncodewasappallingandneededtoberectified.
Undeterred,theyfiledalawsuitandwentbeforeaUnitedStatesDistrict
Courtjudge,BernardA.Friedman,aReagannomineewhoin2001hadruled
thattheUniversityofMichiganLawSchoolsaffirmativeactionpolicieswere
unconstitutional.
InJudgeFriedmanscourtroomthatdayin2012,hesuggestedthatMs.
DeBoerandMs.Rowseradicallychangecourse.Amendyourclaimtotakeon
Michiganslawbanningsamesexmarriage,hesaid,referringtothemeasure
thatvotersapprovedin2004.
Wefeltthejudgesimplicationwascleareitheramendtheproceedings
tochallengethemarriageban,ortheentirecasecouldbedismissed,Ms.
Nesselsaid,recallinghershock.AprilandJayne,asmuchastheywantedto
getmarriedandadopttheirkids,neversetouttochallengethemarriageban.
AfteratwoweektriallastMarch,JudgeFriedmanruledintheirfavor,
settingoffabriefwindowoftimewhenmorethan300gayandlesbiancouples
weremarriedinMichigan.
Ms.RowseandMs.DeBoerwerenotamongthem.Theywantedtowait

untilthelawwasperfectlyclearandeverysamesexcoupleinMichiganhad
therighttobemarried.(TheUnitedStatesCourtofAppealsfortheSixth
CircuitoverturnedJudgeFriedmansrulinginNovember,haltingsamesex
marriagesinMichiganandthreeotherstates.)
Lawyersforthestateareexpectedtoarguethatdecisionsonsamesex
marriagesarebestlefttothepopularvoteandthatchildrenbenefitfrom
havingparentsinheterosexualrelationships.ButiftheSupremeCourtrulesin
Ms.RowseandMs.DeBoersfavor,theirweddingdaymaycomesoon.
TheyarenervouslyawaitingtheirtriptoWashingtontheirfirstvisitto
thenationscapital.
Ithinkthatsjustgoingtobeoverwhelming,seeingthejustices,Ms.
Rowsesaid.Wereoptimisticandhopefulthattheyregoingtobeontheright
sideofhistory.

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