Group Activity 2: Writing Exercises

Writing Economically
English for the Workplace 2
Pare down paragraphs / sentences by eliminating redundant, bloated,
ambiguous words and phrases and making them clear, concise and
accurate.
I. Tight writing: The following sentences might be too long for some readers.
Break each sentence into two or more. (2 points each)
a. If we get the contract, we must be ready by March 20 with the necessary human
resources and equipment, so with this in mind a staff meeting, which all group
managers are expected to attend, is scheduled for February 15.
b. Although we had a frank discussion with Reyes staff, we were unable to get
them to specify what they would be looking for in an out-of-court settlement, but
they gave us a strong impression that they would rather settle out of court.
II. Overly Short Sentences: The following examples contain choppy, abrupt
sentences. Create a smoother style by combining the sentences. (2 points each)
c. I need a figure on the surrender value of a policy. The number of the policy is
BCD123-EFG. Can you get me this figure by tomorrow?
d. The program obviously contains miscalculations. We didnt get the results we
anticipated. Please ask
Juan dela Cruz to study the program.
e. The supervisor is responsible for processing the production requests. He is also
responsible for maintaining and operating the equipment.
III. Eliminate Redundancy: Revise the following sentences to remove the
redundancies. (2 points each)
f. We must cooperate together on the MIT- project.
g. The steering committee agreed that advance planning will be the key to success
in each and every business deal.
h. In grateful appreciation of your patronage, we are pleased to offer you this free
gift as a small token gesture of our gratitude.
i. To get a passport, you will have to provide and submit several necessary
requirements.
j. In this day and age, most companies require their employees, associates and
workers to have and possess the basic essential and a working knowledge and
know-how of certain computer skills.

Group Activity 2: Writing Exercises

Writing Economically
English for the Workplace 2
IV. Eschew Obfuscation: Revise the following sentences by replacing the
ambiguous elements with specific information or by removing the unnecessary
jargon. Keep the sentences clear and simple. (2 points each)
k. Our catering services wont be available for a while.
- Our catering services is not available yet.
l. The spill in the Gulf of Thailand caused extensive damage.
- The oil spill damaged the Gulf of Thailand.
m. Analysis of the specimen beneath the new structure revealed an interesting fact.
- Analysis of the specimen beneath the structure revealed facts.
n. The major points in Pnoys speech were the most interesting observations on
civil strife Ive ever encountered.
- The points in Pnoys speech were interesting observations on civil strife.
o. According to Fernback (2007), community is descriptive and prescriptive, local
and global, spatially bound or boundaryless, public or private, organic or
mechanical, intentional or accidental, purposive or aimless, oppressive or liberating,
functional or dysfunctional.
- According to Fernback, a community can be described differently.
n. The team needs to be prepared for the blowback from the announcement.
- The team should prepare for the reply on the announcement.
o. The police apprehended the perpetrator and placed him under arrest directly
adjacent to the scene of the incident.
- The police caught the suspect and arrested him next to the scene of the
incident itself.
p. "When the process of freeing a vehicle that has been stuck results in ruts or
holes, the operator will fill the rut or hole created by such activity before removing
the vehicle from the immediate area."
- When freeing a stuck vehicle results in ruts or holes, the operator should fill
the rut or hole before removing the vehicle from the area.
Adopted from a Government Regulation
V. Eliminate Euphemisms, meaningless fillers and fancy-words: Revise the
following sentences for clarity. (2 points each)
q. The reality-show actress is heading for the correctional facility.
r. Most ladies need to powder their noses before leaving the house.
s. Some people are afraid to kick the bucket.

Group Activity 2: Writing Exercises

Writing Economically
English for the Workplace 2
t. During the election campaign, candidates often stretch out the truth when
making promises.
u. The police described the famous actor as being tired and emotional when he
was apprehended.
v. It would seem to the board of directors that the indications are that the K-project
has been essentially unsuccessful.
w. The product launch was generally received for the most part, despite the fact
that we received a rather small number of questionnaire responses.
x. This state-of-the-art paper dispensing module is to be utilized by Marketing
Department personnel.
y. Deposit your odds and ends and other debris in the trash receptacles located on
the station platform.
z. We have failed to furnish the invitations to the proper agency by the mandated
date by which such invitations must be in receipt.