Chapter 6: Completing Business Messages

LECTURE NOTES
Section 1: Revising Your Message: Evaluating the First Draft
Learning Objective 1: Discuss the value of careful revision, and describe the tasks involved in
evaluating your first drafts and the work of other writers.
Since the first draft is rarely good enough, recognize that youll need to revise the document.
Careful revision can mean the difference between a rambling, unfocused message and a lively,
direct message that gets results.
The third step of the three-step writing process involves four key tasks:
Revising your message to achieve optimum quality
Producing your message
Proofreading your message

Distributing your message

The nature of revision will vary according to the medium youre using and the nature of each
message. Audiences are likely to equate the quality of your writing with the quality of your
thinking.

For informal messages to internal audiences, particularly when using instant messaging,
text messaging, email, or blogging, the revision process is often as simple as quickly
looking over your message to correct any mistakes before sending or posting it.
With more complex messages, try to put your draft aside for a day or two before you
begin the revision process so that you can approach the material with a fresh eye.
After letting the document sit for a day or so, start with the big picture, making sure that the
document accomplishes your overall goals before moving to finer points, such as readability,
clarity, and conciseness.

Evaluating Your Content, Organization, Style, and Tone

To evaluate content, ask:
Is the information accurate?
Is the information relevant to the audience?
Is there enough information to satisfy the readers needs?
1. Is there a good balance between general information and specific information?

6: Completing Business Messages

To review organization, ask:

Are all your points covered in the most logical order?
Do the most important ideas receive the most space, and are
they placed in the most prominent positions?
Would the message be more convincing if it were arranged in
another sequence?
Are any points repeated unnecessarily?
2. Are details grouped together logically, or are some still scattered throughout the
document?
3.
Ask whether you have achieved the right style and tone for your audience by answering
these questions:
Is your writing formal enough to meet the audiences
expectations, without being too formal or academic?
Is it too casual for a serious subject?
4. Does your message emphasize the audiences needs over your own?
Spend a few extra moments on the beginning and end of your message.
Be sure that the opening is relevant, interesting, and geared to
the readers probable reaction.
5. Make sure your conclusion summarizes the main idea and leaves the audience with a
positive impression.
6.
Evaluating, Editing, and Revising the Work of Others
Before you dive into someone elses work, recognize the dual responsibility that doing so
entails:
Unless youve been specifically asked to rewrite something in
your own style or change the emphasis of the message, remember
that your job is to help the other writer succeed at his or her task,
not to impose your writing style or pursue your own agenda.
7. Make sure you understand the writers intent before you begin suggesting or making
changes.

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6: Completing Business Messages

Answer the following questions as you evaluate someone elses writing:

What is the purpose of this document or message?
Who is the target audience?
What information does the audience need?
Does the document provide this information in a well-organized
way?
Does the writing demonstrate the you attitude toward the
audience?
Is the tone of the writing appropriate for the audience?
Can the readability be improved?
Is the writing clear? If not, how can it be improved?
Is the writing as concise as it could be?
8. Does the design support the intended message?
Section 2: Revising to Improve Readability
Learning Objective 2: List four techniques you can use to improve the readability of your
messages.
After confirming the content, organization, style, and tone of your message, make a second pass
to improve readability.
During your second pass, focus on readability:
Readers will save time and understand your messages better.

Your reputation for well-crafted documents will garner more

attention for your work.
Readability formulas offer a useful reference point but are limited by what they are able to
measure:
They can measure word length, number of syllables, sentence
length, and paragraph length.

They cannot measure document design, the you attitude, clear

sentence structure, smooth transitions, and proper word usage.
Help readers skim your message by
Varying the sentence length
Using shorter paragraphs
Using lists and bullets instead of narrative

Adding effective headings and subheadings

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6: Completing Business Messages

Varying Your Sentence Length

By varying sentence length, you can create a rhythm that
Emphasizes important points
Enlivens your writing style
9. Makes your information appealing to your reader
Each sentence length has its advantages:
Short sentences can be processed quickly and are easier for
nonnative speakers to interpret.
Medium-length sentences are useful for showing the
relationships among ideas.
10. Long sentences are often the best way to convey complex ideas, list multiple related
points, or summarize or preview information.
Each sentence length also has disadvantages:
Too many short sentences in a row can make your writing
choppy.
Medium sentences lack the punch of short sentences and the
informative power of longer ones.
11. Long sentences are usually harder to skim and harder to understand than short sentences
because they are packed with information that must all be absorbed at once.
Keeping Your Paragraphs Short
Try to keep paragraph length short to medium:
Short paragraphs of 100 words or fewer are easier to read than
long ones.
They make your writing look inviting.
12. You can emphasize an idea by isolating it in a short, forceful paragraph.
Dont go overboard with short paragraphs; for example, use one-sentence paragraphs only
occasionally and only for emphasis.
Using Lists to Clarify and Emphasize
By using bulleted or numbered lists, you can
Show the sequence of your ideas
Heighten the impact of list items
13. Increase the likelihood the reader will find key points
Listed items can be separated by numbers, letters, or bullets, and they are easier to find if the
entire numbered or bulleted section is set off by a blank line before and after it.
Introduce lists clearly so that people know what theyre about to read:

Make the list a part of the introductory sentence.

14. Precede the list with a complete introductory sentence, followed by a colon.

Items in lists should be phrased in parallel form.

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6: Completing Business Messages

Adding Headings and Subheadings

Headings (brief titles that tell readers about the content of the section that follows)
serve several important functions:
Organizationshowing readers at a glance how the document
is organized
Attentiongrabbing the readers attention, making the text
easier to read, and helping readers find the parts they need
15. Connectionhelping readers see the relationships between subordinate and main ideas
Headings may be
Descriptivemerely identify the topic
16. Informative are self-contained and guide readers to think in a certain way
Headings should be brief and parallel throughout the entire document.
Section 3: Editing for Clarity and Conciseness
Learning Objective 3: Describe eight steps you can take to improve the clarity of your writing,
and give four tips on making your writing more concise.

After youve reviewed and revised your message for readability, your next step is to
make sure your message is as clear and as concise as possible.

Editing for Clarity

Ask yourself whether your message is as clear and as concise as possible by focusing on
your
Paragraph organization
Sentence structure
17. Word choices
When editing for clarity, be sure to
Break up overly long sentences
Rewrite hedging sentences
Impose parallelism
Correct dangling modifiers
Reword long noun sequences
Replace camouflaged verbs
Clarify sentence structure
18. Clarify awkward references

Editing for Conciseness

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6: Completing Business Messages

When editing for conciseness, remember to

Delete unnecessary words and phrases
Shorten long words and phrases
Eliminate redundancies
Recast It is/There are starters if shorter alternatives are
available
19. Remove every adverb that adds nothing to the meaning already carried in the verb
As you rewrite, concentrate on
How each word contributes to an effective sentence
20. How each sentence develops a coherent paragraph
Using Technology to Revise Your Message
Various programs and systems offer numerous features for entering and revising text,
including
Cut and paste
Search and replace
Revision tracking
Spell checker
Thesaurus
Grammar checker
21. Style checker
Section 4: Producing Your Message
Learning Objective 4: List four principles of effective design, and explain the role of major
design elements in document readability.
Production quality of your messagethe total effect of page or screen design, graphical
elements, typography
Plays an important role in the effectiveness of your message
22. Makes your material easier to read but also conveys a sense of professionalism and
importance
Designing for Readability
Document presentation can help or hurt readability in two ways:
Carefully done design elements can improve the effectiveness of
your message (and thus poorly done design elements can act as
barriers, blocking your communication).
23. The design itself sends a nonverbal message to the audience, influencing their
perceptions of the communication before they read a single word.

Effective design helps you

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Establish the tone of your document

24. Guide your readers through your message
Make your design elements effective by paying careful attention to the following design
elements:

Consistency
Balance
Restraint
Detail
White space

Is space of any color that is free of text and artwork

Provides contrast
25.
Offers readers a visual resting point
White space includes

The open area surrounding headings

The space in margins

The space in paragraph indents

The space around images

The vertical space between columns

26.
The horizontal space between paragraphs or lines of text
Lines of type can be set

Justified (flush on both the left and right margins)

Flush left with a ragged-right margin

Flush right with a ragged-left margin

27.
Centered with ragged-left and ragged-right margins
Justified type

Creates a denser look because the uniform line lengths

decrease the amount of white space along the right margin

Produces a more formal and less personalized look

28.
Is more difficult to read because it can produce large gaps between words
and excessive hyphenation at the ends of lines
Flush-leftragged-right type

Produces a less formal and more contemporary look

Gives a document an informal, contemporary feeling of

openness

Is easier to read (because the spacing between words is

the same)
29.
Reduces hyphenation (because only long words are hyphenated at the end
of lines)

Centered type is

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6: Completing Business Messages

Rarely used for text paragraphs

30.
Commonly used for headings and subheadings
Flush-rightragged-left type is rarely used in business documents.
The term typeface refers to the physical design of letters, numbers, and other
characters.
Font and typeface are often used interchangeably, although strictly speaking, a font
is a set of characters in a given typeface.
Each typeface influences the tone of your message.
Serif typefaces such as Times Roman

Have small crosslines (serifs) at the ends of each letter

stroke

Are commonly used for regular paragraph text

31.
Can look busy and cluttered when set in large sizes for headings and other
display type
Sans serif typefaces such as Helvetica and Arial

Have no serifs

Are ideal for larger sized font

Can be difficult to read in long blocks of text unless set

with generous leading
32.
Look best when surrounded by plenty of white space
The classic style of document design uses a sans serif typeface for headings and a
serif typeface for regular paragraph text; however, many contemporary documents
now use all sans serif.

Avoid using more than two typefaces in most documents.

Type style is any modification that lends contrast or emphasis to type, such as

Boldface

Italics

Underlining

Color
33.
Other highlighting and decorative styles

Use boldface type for subheads, but avoid overuse of boldface within the text.

Use italic type for emphasis as well as for highlighting quotations and indicating foreign
words, irony, humor, book and movie titles, and unconventional usage.

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6: Completing Business Messages

Underlining, all upper case, and shadowed or outlined type can hinder legibility and slow
your readers progress.
When completing your business message, choose your type size to match the
importance of your message and the space allotted:

Use a size of 10 to 12 points for regular text and 12 to 18

points for headings and subheadings

Small type is hard to read.

34.
Extra-large type looks unprofessional in most applications.
Designing Multimedia Documents
Multimedia documents contain a combination of text, graphics, photographs, audio,
animation, video, and interactivity.
As rich media, multimedia documents can
Convey large amounts of information quickly
Engage people in multiple ways
Express emotions
35. Allow recipients to personalize the communication process to their own needs
However, they are more difficult to create than documents that contain only text and static
images.
To design and create multimedia documents, you need to consider the following factors:
Creative and technical skills
Tools
Time and cost
Content
Message structure
36. Compatibility
Using Technology to Produce Your Message
Desktop publishing software goes beyond word processing with more advanced layout
capabilities that accommodate photos, technical drawings, and other elements.
For online content, web-publishing systems make it easy to produce great-looking web pages
quickly.
At a minimum, try to be familiar with the following word-processing features:
Templates, themes, and style sheets
Page setup
Column formatting
Paragraph formatting
Numbered and bulleted lists
Tables
37. Pictures, text boxes, and objects
Formatting Formal Letters and Memos

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Formal business letters usually follow certain design conventions. Most are printed on
letterhead stationery, which includes the companys name, address, and other contact
information. Other parts of the letter include:
Date
Inside address
Salutation
Message
Complimentary close
38. Signature block
Like letters, business memos usually follow a preset design.
Memos usually dont use a salutation, complimentary close, or signature, although
signing your initials next to your name on the From line is standard practice in most
companies.
(See Appendix A: Format and Layout of Business Documents for details.)
Section 5: Proofreading Your Message
Learning Objective 5: Explain the importance of proofreading, and give eight tips for successful
proofreading.
Proofreading is the quality inspection stage for your documents, your last chance to make sure
that your document is ready to carry your messageand your reputationto the intended
audience.
Review your document for
Undetected mistakes from the writing, design, and layout stages

Mistakes that crept in during production

Several techniques can help you proofread more effectively:
Make multiple passes.
Use perceptual tricks (such as reading each page backward).
Double-check high-priority items.
Give yourself some distance.
Be vigilant.
Stay focused.
Consider reviewing complex electronic documents on paper if
possible.

Take your time.

The amount of time you need to spend on proofreading depends on

Document length

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Document complexity
Situation

Section 6: Distributing Your Message

Learning Objective 6: Discuss the most important issues to consider when distributing your
messages.
When planning your distribution consider
Cost
Convenience
Time
39. Security and privacy
HIGHLIGHT BOX: COMMUNICATING ACROSS CULTURES (p. 161)
Protecting Patients with Reader-Friendly Prescription Labels
1. When it comes to labeling medications, prioritizing information effectively
can be a matter of life or death. For example, information on how many
prescription refills are allowed should never distract patients from
information on the potentially serious side effects of a prescription drug.
While its important for patients to be aware of refill information, its far
more vital for them to be well-informed about how taking the drug may
affect them in undesirable ways.
2. Answers will vary, but some examples might include traffic signs that are
obscured by vegetation, missing, or difficult to read; or confusing
instructions on how to assemble recreational equipment such as a bicycle
rack. It is important for students to recognize that completing a business
message involves more than simply evaluating words and punctuation: it
requires taking an audience-centered approach to every aspect of the
message, including its format and readability.
HIGHLIGHT BOX: Sharpening Your Career Skills (p. 172)
Proofread Like a Pro to Create Perfect Documents
1. Its a good idea to have other people proofread your documents so that you have a fresh set of
eyes looking at the material. Not only will they have a different expertise (they might be better
at grammar or usage than you!), but also they might catch errors that you have a mental
block against. In addition, someone who has a sense of design might notice problems with the
layout, typography, or graphics. The more important the project, the more important it would
be to have others look it over.
2. Heres a corrected version:
Application of these methods in stores in San Diego and Cincinnati has resulted in a 30
percent drop in robberies and a 50 percent decline in violence there, according to the
developers of the security system, Hanover Brothers, Inc.
COMMUNICATION DILEMMAS AT JEFFERSON RABB WEB DESIGN (p. 173)
1 You received some draft copy for an authors website that contains the

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following rather long sentence:

Alexander McCall Smith was born in what is now Zimbabwe and was educated there and
in Scotland before becoming a law professor in Scotland and later returning to Africa to
help set up a new law school at the University of Botswana.
Which of these four alternatives does the best job of revising the material to improve its
readability without losing any of the original information or introducing any new
information?
a. No. This version is similar to (d), but the first sentence in (d) is smoother and more direct.
b. No. This version fails to state where McCall Smith was born.
c. No. This version overemphasizes his return to Africa, a single event in a long career. It
also doesnt state clearly that McCall Smith was a law professor, which is a key aspect of
his professional biography.
d. Yes. This version breaks the lengthy original into two clear and direct sentences,
preserving all the original information without adding additional material.
2 Like many popular authors, Anita Shreve offers guides that help reading
groups or book groups explore and discuss her novels. A typical reading
guide might contain a dozen or so questions that relate to events or
themes from a novel. Groups can use these questions to structure their
discussions of a novel. Which of the following navigational link titles would
be the most effective to use on Shreves website?
a. Yes. This is the only version that indicates that guides are available and that they are
specifically for book groups.
b. No. This version indicates that guides are available, but doesnt indicate that the guides
are for book groups specifically.
c. No. Discuss is too vague and suggests there might be an online discussion forum or
some other venue waiting after the link.
d. No. This version is also too vague.
3 The following sentence appears on the website for Tom Vanderbilts Traffic
, a study of the technical and social evolution of traffic and the neverending attempts to making driving less dangerous and more efficient:
Based on exhaustive research and interviews with driving experts and traffic officials
around the globe, Traffic gets under the hood of the everyday activity of driving to
uncover the surprisingly complex web of physical, psychological, and technical factors
that explain how traffic works, why we drive the way we do, and what our driving says
about us. [57 words]

Which of the following does the best job of reducing the length and complexity of this
sentence without significantly altering its meaning?

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a. No. This version loses the essential information about the extensive research behind the
book.
b. Yes. This version retains all the essential information while cutting 20 words.
c. No. This version isnt bad, but the simplified phrase how traffic works lose the key
words of the physical, psychological, and technical factors that explain how traffic
works.
d. No. This all this version did was lose the first sentence, which emphasizes the extensive
research on which the book is based.
4 A number of authors reach out to their reader bases by offering to
participate in book group discussions via Skype. If you wanted to get the
word out that a new author was available to talk with book groups via
Skype, which of the following distribution methods would you choose? (For
this exercise, assume that you can choose only one of these.)
a. No. Many readers will access the book through online bookstores or libraries, so a
message in brick-and-mortar bookstores will fail to reach these target audience members.
b. Yes. People who are in possession of the book, having either purchased it or borrowed it,
are the most likely to want to discuss it, and printing the message on the book itself
ensures that the message reaches these interested audience members. However, note that
this response does have a significant weakness, which is that it doesnt address the rise of
e-book sales. To reach all readers, the message should be printed on the physical editions
and embedded in the e-book editions.
c. No. A Twitter update is a great way to reach those people who follow the author on
Twitter, but it will not reach the broadest spectrum of readers.
d. No. Like (c), this is a good way to reach a limited portion of the audience, but not to
reach the broadest possible audience.
Note: In todays fragmented media environment, the most effective strategy would be to take
all four of these steps as part of an integrated promotional campaign, rather than selecting
just one of these options. However, the exercise was designed to have students evaluate the
options individually.

APPLY YOUR KNOWLEDGE (p. 177)

1 Setting a document aside lets you approach the revision process with a
fresh eye. During the break, you may think of something you should
include or exclude. With a fresh perspective, youre more apt to catch
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3.

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errors or recognize unclear language. And, if youre feeling angry or

emotional, time away allows you to think more logically and remove any
emotion from your message.
It is worthwhile to spend extra time on the beginning and ending of a
message because these sections have the greatest impact on your
audience.
Chapter 1 defines ethical communication as that which includes all
relevant information, is true in every sense, and is not deceptive in any
way. By making sure patients get the information they need to take
medications safely, Targets actions most obviously fit the first of these
three criteria. However, by making the effort to be clear, Target also
meets the third criteria, of not being deceptive. Of course, no retail
pharmacy would likely ever intentionally deceive customers, but a
careless and uncaring attitude could result in unintentional deception. By
actively putting the needs of its customers first in this regard, Target
further demonstrates its commitment to ethical communication.
Limiting the number of typefaces and type styles in most business
documents is good practice for both perceptual and functional reasons.
Using too many faces and styles tends to look amateurish, which lowers
the writers credibility. And the more faces and styles, the more decoding
readers are forced to do in order to assign meaning to each style choice
(or to determine that a style choice doesnt have any meaning, which
takes just as much work).
Writers demonstrate good business sense in their message distribution
choices by matching the cost and complexity of their choices with the
needs of their audiences and the demands of the particular situation at
hand. For example, using expensive overnight delivery services for
documents that arent time-critical shows poor judgment.

PRACTICE YOUR SKILLS (p. 177)

Messages for Analysis
Message 6.A
Here is one possible revision:
The North American Personal Motorsports Marketing Association (NAPMMA) is committed
to helping our members achieve their business objectives. We assist dealers of motorcycles,
all-terrain vehicles, snowmobiles, and personal watercraft by communicating with

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government agencies about important issues. We also educate the public on the safe and
enjoyable operation of personal motorsports vehicles.
Message 6.B
The document should be reformatted with attention to the following details:
Consistent use of fonts
Fewer fonts
Consistent paragraph formatting, including left alignment
Better balance on the page

Optionally, a subtler, more professional logo

Message 6.C
Here is one possible revision:
Gross Domestic Product
The most commonly used measure of a countrys economic output is gross domestic product
(GDP). GDP measures a countrys outputthe production, distribution, and use of goods and
services. The products may be produced by either domestic or foreign companies as long as
the production takes place within a nations boundaries. Sales from a Honda assembly plant
in California, for instance, would be included in the U.S. GDP, even though Honda is a
Japanese company.
GDP has largely replaced an earlier measure called the gross national product (GNP), which
excludes the value of production from foreign-owned businesses within a nations boundaries
and includes receipts from the overseas operations of domestic companies. GNP considers
who is responsible for the production; GDP considers where the production occurs.
Exercises
1 Student evaluations will vary based on the blog posts they choose to
analyze, but they should take particular care to assess (or at least make
intelligent guesses at) the first two questions from the list on page 148,
regarding purpose and target audience. These two factors influence the
other eight.
2 Heres one example of how students might revise the paragraph for
improved readability by removing wordiness, shortening some sentences
for clarity and others to vary tempo, and eliminating extraneous
information to shorten the paragraph overall:
Although major league baseball remains popular, more people are attending minor league
games. They can save on admission, snacks, and parking and still enjoy the excitement of
Americas pastime. Connecticut, for example, has three AA minor league teams. They play
in relatively small stadiums, so fans get a close-up experience of everything from the swing
of the bat connecting with the ball to the thud of that ball landing in an outfielders glove.
Best of all, it costs less to take the whole family. They can watch baseballs rising stars for
just a fraction of what theyd pay to attend a major league game.
4. Here is one possible version:
Forensic accounting services provide the insights you need in four important areas:
Insurance Claims Accounting and Preparation: the help you
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need to maximize recovery of insured value

Dispute Advisory: assistance with discovery, expert witness
testimony, and economic analysis
Construction Consulting: support you can count on when
large-scale construction projects fail to meet schedule or budget
requirements
40. General Investigative and Forensic Accounting Services: fraud detection and proof of
loss analysis
5. Here are shortened versions of the originals:
a. Next time you write a 100-word passage, check your average sentence length. If your
sentences average more than 16 to 20 words, try to break up some of them.
b. Dont do what the village blacksmith did. He instructed his apprentice as follows:
When I take the shoe out of the fire, Ill lay it on the anvil. When I nod my head, hit it
with the hammer. The apprentice did as he was told. Now hes the village blacksmith.
c. Unfortunately, no gadget will produce excellent writing. But using a yardstick like the
Fog Index gives us some guidelines to follow for making writing easier to read. Its
two factors remind us to use short sentences and simple words.
d. Know the flexibility of the written word and its power to convey an idea. Know how
to make your words behave so that your readers will understand.
e. Words mean different things to different people. A word such as block may mean city
block, butcher block, engine block, auction block, or several other things.
6. Deleting all unnecessary words leaves the following:
a. consensus
b. innovations
c. long time
d. at $50
e. remains

7. Here
a.
b.
c.

are possible revisions:

The old calculator isnt good for solving hard problems.
The pay increases must be stopped before an unusually large debt mounts.
The executives all agreed that Ms. Jacksons strange ways were cause for a required
meeting with the companys personnel director.
d. The upcoming sale of the companys assets delighted the companys competitors.
e. The facts indicated that the companys finances were in good shape, and so the
president became more convinced that there would be a stock dividend.
8. These infinitive substitutes shorten the sentences:
a. I need money to live.

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b. They saw no reason to believe in the future.

c. To destroy a dream is tragic.
9. Here are one-word replacements:
a. soon (or a specific date)
b. if
c. so
d. for
e. about
f. perhaps
g. seldom
h. about
i. now
j. doubtless (or undoubtedly or no doubt)
10. Here are pared-down versions:
a. Writing is important.
b. Prices are likely to increase.
c. Well decide that soon.
d. I will summarize this experiment when its over.
e. After she satisfactorily completed a three-week trial period, we offered her a full-time
job.
11. With the unnecessary modifiers removed, the sentences read
as follows:
a. High pay increases were given to the skilled and conscientious employees.
b. The unions proposals were inflationary, demanding, and bold.

12.

The following versions contain no hedging:

a. Someone has entered illegally.
b. Things will get better soon.
c. Your report shows we are losing money.
d. Nancy has more influence over employees in the e-marketing department.
e. I see by your letter that youre leaving us.

13. With the indefinite starters removed, the sentences might read
as follows:
a. Several examples here show that Elaine cant hold a position very long.

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b. A generous contribution to Mildred Cooks retirement party would be appreciated.

c. Generally reliable sources in Washington report today that the White House will soon
make an important announcement.
d. According to the rule, we cannot work overtime without permission.
e. Your working late the next three Saturdays would be great.
14. Rewritten with parallel construction, the sentences might read
as follows:
a. Mr. Hill is expected to lecture three days a week, counsel two days a week, and write
for publication in his spare time.
b. She not only knows accounting but also reads Latin.
c. Both applicants had families, were college graduates, were in their thirties, and had
considerable experience; but they lacked social connections.
d. This book was exciting, well written, and interesting.
e. Don works hard and knows bookkeeping.
15.

16.

17.

Here are the variations with the awkward pointers removed:

a. The vice president in charge of sales is responsible for the key to 34A; the production
manager is responsible for the key to 35A.
b. The key to 34A belongs to the vice president in charge of sales, and the key to 35A
belongs to the production manager.
c. The gold-embossed keys to 34A and 35A have been given to the production manager.
d. John received his laser printer, and Megan got her dot matrix printer.
e. The walnut desk cost $300 more than the oak desk.
These versions have the modifiers in the right places:
a. We left Dallas on an airplane that was full of trash and ripped-up newspapers.
b. Ruby saw the seashell lying on the shelf.
c. Judging by the plumbing and wiring, I dont think we should buy the property.
d. Sandy took the whole afternoon to clean up her desk, which was cluttered and filthy.
e. The letter was ready to be signed after every word had been proofread.

The long strings of nouns may be broken up as follows:

a. The focus of the meeting was a discussion of deregulation of bank interest rates.
b. Following the recommendations of the government task force, we are revising our
evaluation procedures for job applicants.
c. The components of the production departments program for quality assurance include
employee training, supplier cooperation, and computerized detection equipment.
d. The plan for reducing inventory in the supermarket warehouse will be implemented
next month.
e. The graduate placement program of State Universitys business school is one of the

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6: Completing Business Messages

19

best in the country.

18.

Here the subjects are closer to the verbs:

a. Trudy ran when she saw the bull pawing the ground.
b. According to Ted, who is probably the worst gossip in the office (Tom excepted), it was
Terri who mailed the wrong order.
c. In his book Investment Capital Reconsidered, William Oberstreet writes of the mistakes
made by bankers through the decades.
d. After passing up several sensible investment opportunities, Judy Schimmel invested her
inheritance in a jojoba plantation, despite the warnings of her friends and family.
e. After the warehouse fire, the worst tragedy in company history, the president of UStor-It prepared an announcement for the press: The company was on the brink of
bankruptcy.
19. The following versions no longer have camouflaged verbs:
a. The employees adapted easily to the new rules.
b. The assessor will determine the tax due.
c. The employees identity must be verified daily.
d. The board of directors recommended that Mr. Ronson be assigned to a new division.
e. The vice president audited the books.
20. Students should comment on the use of typefaces, white space,
headings, and other design elements on the Bloomberg and MarketWatch
websites. They may offer various suggestions for improving readability,
including larger type size, more white space, and other ideas.
21. Even though your company does not sell products in the local area,
you still have an ethical obligation to add the information to the website.
The construction delays alone could compromise your companys
relationship with the community, and withholding information about the
delays would almost certainly tarnish the organizations image. Doing all
you can to minimize any negative effects of the construction will also aid
employees who live in the local area, since they are likely to receive
questions and comments about the project from their neighbors. Finally,
posting information about the construction may help to reduce the
amount of traffic (and, ideally, the number of accidents) in the area
around the plant.
22.
23. Here is a corrected version of the email:
Our final company orientation of the year will be held on December 20. In preparation
for this session, please order 20 copies each of the policy handbook, the confidentiality
agreement, and the employee benefits manual. Please let me know if you anticipate any
delays in obtaining these materials.

Copyright 2013 Pearson Education, Inc. Publishing as Prentice Hall